words in movies
Photographer: Great. (Takes a picture.) Great! Just give me a sec to change film.
Photographer: Now why dont we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier.
(Flash, the photographer takes a picture of Monica and Chandlers stunned faces.)
Monica: Wait a minute! So you told people I was pregnant?! (Flash) Does this look like a conversation that I want to remember?!
Chandler: Before we go out there Ive got a present for ya.
Chandler: Yeah, the last six weeks. I wanted this to be a moment you will never forget.
Phoebe: Ah-hah! At least we know its a him.
[Cut to Joey entering wearing a preppy tennis outfit.]
Joey: Im sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and its either this or a bathrobe! Look, whats more important, the way Im dressed or me being with you on your special day?
[Cut to the hallway outside the room, Ross is going to see which table hes at and sees a beautiful woman doing the same thing.]
Ross: Oh! Hello uh, Mona from her restaurant. (He uses his card to mouth those words.) (Pause) Mona, wow what a, what a beautiful name.
[Cut back inside to Joey giving a beautiful woman a tennis lesson by standing behind her.]
Joey: Thats better, now just bend your arms a little more. There you go. Okay, look straight ahead. Now this time I want you to really put your ass into it. (They do a practice swing and she really puts her ass into it.)
Mrs. Bing: Dennis is a dear old friend and a fantastic lover.
Mrs. Bing: Oh yes, Dennis is directing a new Broadway show.
Dennis Phillips: Oh, thank you. Well if youll excuse me, Im gonna go get myself a drink. Be back in a moment. (Walks away.)
Mrs. Bing: Well, its a funny story.
Joey: Chandler. Will you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips? Cause if I can get in a Broadway show then I wouldve done it all, film, television, and theater. The only think left would be radio, and thats just for ugly people.
Joey: Uh, eleven, eleven and a half.
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Chandler: (looking at Joeys feet) Those arent eleven and a half.
Joey: Okay fine! Im a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, Ill show ya!
Monica: Well, theres a lot to think about. I mean, how is she, how is she going to handle this financially? How is she going to juggle work? Does she realize shes not going to have a date again for the next eighteen years?
Rachel: Oh yes! Thank you very much! (She grabs a glass, takes a sip, and realizes what she just did. She then tries to spit the champagne back into the glass without Monica noticing. It doesnt work.) Oh thats-thats actually how the French drink it.
Monica: Yes! Maybe its a false positive. Are you sure you peed on the stick right?
Phoebe: Im-Im just saying, dont freak out until youre a hundred percent sure.
Monica: You-you gotta take it now. Come on, do it as a present to me.
Monica: Oh, wait a minute! Whos is the father?!
Rachel: WhHey, I just gave you peeing on a stick.
[Cut to Ross at the kiddie table. He reaches for something and a fart noise emanates which causes the kids to laugh.]
Ross: Oh great! (They get up to dance and Ross is interrupted by a little girl.)
Ross: I wasnt farting! (To Mona) Uh, a little game from our table. (To the little girl) Yes?
Joey: No-no! No! No! You dont tell a Broadway guy that! Now he just thinks Im a soap actor.
Chandler: But youre not just a soap actor. You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet.
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
(A large little fat girl walks over.)
Monica: Oh sweetie, you can never embarrass me. (Chandler grunts.) Okay, you can easily embarrass me. But come on, it doesnt matter. All right? I married you! So I want to dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on. (They go onto the floor.) Just try not to move your feet at all. (Chandler starts to get into the groove and bust a move.) There you go.
Phoebe: Here. (Gives Rachel a tissue.)
Rachel: Oh-oh, thats a risky little game!
Rachel: Yeah. Im gonna have a baby. Im gonna have a baby. Im gonna have a baby! (They all hug.)
Ross: Wait a minute! No! Im the nice one! Im the one who danced with the kids all night! How How small are your feet?! (They all look down.)
Monica: (entering from her room, excitedly) Im getting married today!!! (She trips and falls.) (Getting up) I think I just cracked a rib. But I dont care because todays my wedding day! My day is finally here!! (Runs back into her room.)
(They all throw their pieces back as there is a knock on the door.)
(They all walk over to get a slice.)
Joey: (taking a bite) Oh, great! Can you believe I found it on the second floor?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering with a pizza and finds everyone but Ross there.]
Joey: Uhh, just a minute officer!!
[Cut to the living room where Monica is helping pack a box.]
Cop: Yeah, but I kinda don't have a choice, it's my job. I mean, you understand right?
Phoebe: Yep! As long as you understand that I'm going to call my lawyer and once he puts you on the stand he'll make you look like a fool. A fool!
Chandler: Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard. Y'... I can grow a moustache!
Gary: Okay, so it's a date.
Chandler: (To Rachel) He has a gun!
Gary: Okay. (He starts to leave.) So I'll come by in a couple hours and pick you up?
[Scene: The couch store, Ross is talking to a saleswoman.]
Rachel: Well, I have a job interview at Ralph Lauren tomorrow!
Ross: Look, I am a reasonable man. I will accept store credit.
Ross: Yeah, hey I-I have clothes, I even pick them out. I mean for, for all you know I could be a fashion..... monger.
Monica: Hey Rach, arent these candlesticks (holds up a pair) mine?
(We see Ross through the window and he acts like a swimmer that gets attacked by a shark, picture one of the many, many, many Jaws movies they made and you get the idea.)
Chandler: Oh, that would be Monica. Hey, listen, I wanna borrow a coupla things, Aurora spent the night, I really wanna make her breakfast.
Allesandro: (entering) I want a retraction! Our food is not inedible swill!
Chandler: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?
Phoebe: But it's just so unfair that our date has to get cut short just 'cause some guy shot at a store clerk.
Monica: Wow! For just a week you guys are really close, huh?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's weird. I can't help it though he's so sweet, he's like this little puppy dog, y'know? But like a really tough one that shots bad guys. Ohh, I just love beginning parts of relationships, y'know?! You just like can't keep your hands off each other.
Chandler: I was shrieking... like a Marine.
Rachel: (in disbelief) You WHAT? And I missed it? Because I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie?
Rachel: Ugh, it was horrible! And-and the interview part went so well, y'know? I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets!" (She starts laughing; Chandler and Joey are not amused.) Trust me, it was actually, it was very funny. Anyway, so we were saying good-bye and ugh!
Rachel: I can't believe it! I got a second interview!
Rachel: What-what, wait a minute, you don't think that's why he wants me back?
Joey: I bet that kiss isn't looking like such a big mistake now, is it?
Monica: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Rach, a guy from Ralph Lauren called, you got a second interview!
Monica: A kiss? What are you talking about?
Joey: Yeah! (Chandler makes a noise) No?
ROSS: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones. Yeah, yeah. [Monica comes out of her room] Oh, were you takin' a nap?
Joey: What are you talking about? It was a big deal. I mean, come on you cant tell me last night didnt mean something to you. I-I was there, youre not that good an actress.
[Scene: Ross's building, Joey is knocking on a door again. It's again answered by Ross.]
Joey: (Looking around) Uhh do you happen to have a hot girl in there?
Ross: Yes. I lived with you guys for a while and then I found this place. (Joey just stares at him) I'm Ross.
Joey: Later! (He runs away down the hall and hides behind a corner to a whole other corridor.) Oh man! (Walks down the hallway in desperation.) Hot girl! Hot girl!!
Monica: What's a 'niffle'?
Joey: Yeah, sure. (He takes it off and starts reading.) Well, you must be new here. Maybe we shouldI'm sorry, can I ask you something? (He stops and asks a question.)
Rachel: Op! Wait, you dropped a pea.
Monica: Phoebe, do you want to go see a movie after dinner tonight?
Phoebe: No I'm not. No! If anything I'm making you look better! They'll see you talking to me and that's--I'm a hit!
Monica: So! So we've got to go upstairs and have a lot of sex to prove them wrong!
Monica: Oh umm, that's because I just wanted to y'know walk in on me and Chandler while we were, y'know, doing it all night. Will you excuse me for just a second?
Monica: Okay. (She gets up and walks over to Chandler.) Chandler? Can I see you for a second?
Monica: 'Cause, Gary and Phoebe think they're a hotter couple than we are!
Joey: Uhh, look Katie, uh listen, we-we need to talk. Okay? Umm, look I like you. I-I really do, I like you a lot. Okay? But sometimes when you, when you playfully punch me like that it-it feels like someone's hitting me with a very tiny but very real bat.
(A man walks up.)
Ross: Well, y'know how I'm trying to work things out with Emily. Well, there's this one thing Okay, (Rachel has her back turned to the camera, and Ross isn't looking at her.) here goes. I made a promise that-(they cut to the other camera and Ross notices something coming out of Rachel's nose)-Oh hey!
Ross: Jen, I know this may sound a little (makes some kind of crazy noise) But uh, would you maybe wanna grab a cup of coffee sometime, or
Ross: I will give you a call.
Mr. Zelner: Y'know what? I may regret this but uh, I'm going to give you a shot.
Rachel: Really? Oh thank you! Oh Oh, would it be completely inappropriate to give you a hug?
Phoebe: Happy Holidays. Feliz Navidad. Allo, and Merry Christmas. (A man put some change in her bucket.) Ohh thank you sir. Here's some joy. (She waves her hand up and down as if she is spreading joy.)
Phoebe: Ohh, (laughs) umm, we kinda took a little detour on the way over here.
Monica: The park huh? A public place.
Phoebe: Umm, Im trying to move that pencil. (Theres a pencil lying on the table.)
Jen: Oh! My number is on there. (Hands him a business card.) Give me a call.
Monica: Wasn't it a lot more exciting when we were y'know all over each other all the time?
Monica: Okay, I freaked out a little.
Chandler: Little?! You freaked out big time! Okay? And I fixed it! We have switched places! I am the relationship and king and you are the crazy, irrational screw up! (Does a dance of joy.) (Monica glares at him.) And now we're back.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Joey is holding a deck of cards out to Chandler.]
Joey: Okay, pick a card.
Carol: Guess what? Ben is going to be in a TV commercial!
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Rachel: Okidoki! (and she slams the door in the nanny's face while Ross crumples up the application form) Wow! We're never gonna find a nanny.
Joey: Oh Rachel look, don't say that, I think you just need a hug from Joey. Come on. Come on. (She hugs him and Joey looks out the window.) She's back! Hot girl's back!
Joey: Ross!! We're having a surprise party for Rachel!!
Phoebe: Okay, let's discuss Rachel's birthday. I say we throw a surprise party this weekend.
Phoebe: Yeah but if we throw her a party on her birthday, then it's not a surprise.
Joey: Okay! Well need a six-pack of Zima.
Joey: Whoa-whoa dad? There's a dad in the commercial?
(As she walks away, Chandler mouths a scream to Monica. How motions and mouths, "It's okay, it's okay.")
[Scene: Ben's audition, Carol, Ross, and Ben along with about 10 more families are in a waiting room as Joey enters happily.]
Carol: (noticing a kid who has picked up a copy of Variety to read) Hey, that kid looks familiar.
Rachel: (laughing nervously) Oh, what a fun office.
Kim: I don't know which one, but I do know I need a cigarette. So what do you say we take a break, we go outside, and we'll figure this out when we come back?
Phoebe: So wow, it looks like you took care of everything. Thanks a lot, co-host.
Phoebe: Oh wait, I change my mind! (She slams the door on them.) Okay, let's talk about the party! I have so many ideas! (Holds up a cocktail napkin.)
Ross: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, (Starts to whine like a baby and Joey just glares at him.)
Monica: Wait a minute, I can get ice at the restaurant
Monica: You got a callback too didn't you?
Ross: (Pause) Yeah I am! Yeah, Ben got a second audition!
Monica: Wait a minute, are you doing Joey's (sadly) "Audition didn't go so well. (Happily) Yeah it did?"
Monica: That is so sweet. I know that I was acting a little crazy but umm, I feel the same way.
RACH: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . [jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.]
Carol: Is it a good sign that they asked us to hang around after the audition?
Phoebe: Yeah well, maybe she shouldve spent a little less time decorating and a little more time in the bedroom.
[The next flashback is from The One With The Candy Hearts. Joey and Chandler are waiting at a restaurant as Lorraine and her friend arrive.]
Ross: Seriously that's a lot of cups.
RICHARD: If I have to I'll, I'll do all again , I'll do the 4 o'clock feeding thing, I'll go to the P.T.A. meetings, I'll coach the soccer team.
Phoebe: (singing) "Little, tiny Tarzan, swinging on a nose hair. Swinging with the greatest of ease " Darn it! Now, I dont know who to get to the next verse.
Joey: You just give him a spoon baby!
Rachel: No well, no it's not that bad, y'know? I mean yeah, my tongue feels a little fuzzy and these fingers sort of smell, I actually feel like I can throw up.
Joey: Hmmm, soup! (Tries again.) Hmm soup! (Tries again, with a little caveman thrown in.) Hmm, soup!
Ross: Rach, uh, you still looking for a place?
The Casting Director: Is there a problem?