words in movies
Chandler: Buh-bye. (Hangs up the phone) I just got us reservations at Michelles and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple.
Phoebe: (entering carrying a skull) Hey!
Phoebe: No, no, no. It's not! It's not my mom. It belonged to mom. Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us, that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And, you can put candy in it. (She grabs the skull, pulls out a stick of licorice, and takes a bite.)
(Joey comes out of the bathroom reading a newspaper)
Monica: About a half an hour.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting a cup of coffee and sits down next to Monica.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is sitting behind a red drum set.]
Monica: I'm sorry. But not that sorry, 'cause you don't have to live with it. Um, we have a reservation under the name Chandler Bing.
Maitre d': Oh-kay, we'll have a table for you in about 45 minutes.
Maitre d': I'm sorry. Christmas is a very busy time, sir.
Chandler: Give him money? It was a joke!
Monica: No, to get a table! Places like are always shakin you down. Everybody wants to be paid off.
Chandler: Hey, I can be smooth. (Walks back to the Maitre d', very smoothly) Listen, we're a little bit in a hurry, so, if you can get us a table a little quicker, I'd appreciate it. (Shakes his hand)
Ross: Yes, but also (Pauses to let Ben answer, but he doesnt.) Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish, and-and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday.
Ross: Right, um, but, on Hanukkah, Hanukkah is a celebration of a miracle. See, years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees.
Ross: (interrupts him again) Okay, it's not a contest.
Monica: It's easy! Just keep it casual! Give him a kind word, shake his hand and give him the money!
Joey: Hey-hey, Pheebs, check it out, we already learned a song. (To Rachel) Ready? One, two, three, four...
[Rachel hits some tom-toms and ends up on the 'crash'-cymbal, which is in fact a ride-cymbal, but whatever...]
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. (He gets up, and shakes Gunther's hand. A bunch of coins fall out his hand. He sits down next to Monica.) Definitely not easier with coins. (Joey gets up and picks up the coins. Chandler thinks, Joey is just helping him to pick them up.) Thank you.
Chandler: If you wanna give Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, why not get him something a little bit more subtle, like a wrecking ball, or a vile of small pox to release in the hallway?
Phoebe: (entering with an aquarium covered by a towel) Hey, Joey, I got you another present. (She puts it on the counter)
Joey: Oh wait, before you tell me what it is! (He plays a drum-roll) Okay, what is it?
Phoebe: It's a tarantula! (Joey almost falls down from his drum-stool jumping up) Oh! God! Rachel, look, I'm sorry. What was I thinking giving Joey this big, gross, scary spider in such a poorly constructed cage?
Rachel: What are you talking about? I love them! (Looks into the cage) Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it-it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't this cool?
Rachel: What? Wait-wait a minute, what? Phoebe, what's the matter?
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
[Scene: Halloween Adventure, a costume shop, there is a salesman behind the counter, Ross enters.]
Ross: Well, uh, do you have a Santa-outfit left?
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
Monica: Wow, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted coming all the way from Texas.
Chandler: (entering in a Santa costume) Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo, and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence, I never thought I'd say.
Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!
Chandler: But I didn't get to shape my belly like a bowl full of jelly.
Monica: (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.)
[Joey enters in a Superman-costume]
Joey: (entering wearing a Superman costume) Merry Christmas!
Phoebe: Theres a skylight?! (Runs to see and yells from the bedroom.) Wow!!
Rachel: So what should we do? Should we start looking for a new place?
Phoebe: A little bit, yeah.
Phoebe: Okay, I understand why Superman is here, but why is there a porcupine at the Easter Bunnys funeral?
Rachel: Joey, would you just come out here and stop being such a baby!
Rachel: Aw. Hey, Pheebs, want this? (Gives her a pencil)
Phoebe: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. (Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut up; Joey looks surprised but pleased) Looks like I was second to last.
(He tries pushing against the chest of drawers. Then he opens one of the drawers and climbs into the closet using that; he falls behind the chest of drawers with a shout.)
Phoebe: (stops at a door) Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right?
Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!
Mr. Geller: C'mon, you'll make a day of it! You'll rent a boat, pack a lunch...
Shelley: Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league.
Chandler: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not.
(They open a cupboard which, amongst other things, contains a chest of drawers)
Ross: (holding a dress out from inside the closet) This one?
Mrs. Geller: That's really a day shoe.
Ross: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back.
Ross: Okay. Um, how about these? (Holds out a pair)
Rachel: I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral?
Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man.
Monica: It was a really beautiful service.
Phoebe: God, what a great day. ...What? Weather-wise!
Rachel: Thats all right. (He goes to get her a soda.) And so it begins.
Mrs. Geller: Mm. Unless we go with a different dress?
Mrs. Geller: Here, sweetie, here. I took these when I had my golfing accident. (Hands Ross a bottle of pills. Then turns to Monica and pats her hair over her ears)
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
Andrea: (turns to a friend) You were right. (They walk off and leave Chandler.)
Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...
Rachel: (still trapped under Ross) Pheebs, could you maybe hand me a cracker?
(Time lapse. A large crowd of men are now watching the game)
Monica: That is a wonder. So tell me something, Mom. If you had to do it all over again, I mean, if she was here right now, would you tell her?
Joey: That's a... pla-an.
Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile)
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break as Lowell enters.]
Chandler: So you don't think I have a, a quality?
Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid!
Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. (Brian enters behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. (Sees him) Hey, Brian.
Terry: Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart. You're a terrible, terrible waitress. Really, really awful.
Rachel: Excuse me, sir. Hi, you come in here all time. I was just wondering, do you think there's a possibility that you could give me an advance on my tips?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is approaching a customer.]
Phoebe: You missed a belt loop.
(They walk into a completely redecorated and repainted room. And of course, the room is immaculate. Only an obsessive-compulsive like Monica could find fault with the room.)
Ross: Okay, how about, for a guy, Thatcher?
(There is a cry of disappointment from the crowd of men.)
Rachel: Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop. Only a hundred and two dollars to go.
Rachel: Yeah, well it was. I, I broke a cup.
Phoebe: (looking at the clock) Oh wow, three hours and still no baby. Ugh, the miracle of birth sure is a snooze fest.
Chandler: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.
Ross: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum.
Ross: Ok. (browsing the apartment) Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.
Phoebe: Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can totally hear everything. I can show you. Look, this will seem a little weird, but you put your head inside this turkey, and then we'll all talk, and you'll hear everything we say.
Kristen: Oh okay. But yknow what? Be careful. Because a guy was helping me before had to leave because he hurt his back.
[Scene: The subway, Joey spots a gorgeous woman waiting. He goes up to her.]
Joey: Listen, uh, you wanna go get a drink or something?
Chandler: No, I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment.
(Phoebe takes a slice of pumpkin pie and waves it in front of Chandler's face.)
Joey: But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease.
Chandler: (with a quivering voice) No, Im not!
Aunt Lillian: Could we see something in a slimmer heel?
Monica: That's not a question.
Chandler: Nothin! This is the nine millionth ring store weve been too and I cant find the perfect ring! (Goes over to another display counter and starts pointing at rings.) Ugly ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! (Notices that one of the jewelers is watching him.) Its a beautiful selection. (The jeweler walks away slowly.)
Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an optionwhat's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?!
Joey: Wait, wait, we have a copy of your key.
Ross: (singing) Hey, hey, you're my baby, and I can't wait to meet you. When you come out I'll buy you a bagel, and then we'll go to the zoo.
CHAN: I had about a mugful in this lovely 'I got boned at the Museum of Natural History' mug.
Monica: Oh no its not, no its not. Its a first date. Im sure that nothing is gonna (as she is talking we see Ross close his drapes.)
Joey: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math.
[Scene: The Hallway, Joey has a tray full of keys, and is trying each one in the lock.]
ROSS: Yeah, that way I figure, ya know, we'll be far enough away from our parents that we don't have to see them all the time but close enough that they can come over and babysit whenever we want. And yes, I know, the taxes are a little higher than, let's say, Nassau county but the school system's supposedly great.
Monica: Make a wish?
Phoebe: Ooh, you guys have to make a wish.
Ross: Well, that's because you're such a sweet, gentle, uh...Do you, uh, do you...Oh, hey, uh you must need detergent.
Ross: Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet.
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
Chandler: Tonight, on a very special Blossom.
Rachel: And a crappy New Year.
(A monkey jumps on to his shoulder.)
Phoebe: No! I am a positive person. You are like Santa Clause on Prozac, at Disneyland, getting laid!
Joey: Uhh, well Ive got an audition down the street and I spilled sauce all over the front of my shirt. (Removes his hand to reveal a huge sauce stain.) You got an extra one?
Monica: Why don't you just get a roommate?
Chandler: (reading the paper) Says here that a muppet got whacked on Seasame Street last night. (to Ross) Where exactly were around ten-ish?
Chandler: Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm.
...I feel a little sneezy And now I- (abruptly stops)
Ross: Oh! And it gets worse! (Turns his side to Chandler and Monica and pulls up his shirt. There's a distinct line across his body, where his belly is very tanned and his back is very pale.)
Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note!
EDDIE: At the uh, supermarket, in the uh, ethnic food section. I helped him pick out a chorizo.
Joey: (hides the TV, but he still has an earphone) Just a, uh... hearing disability.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, a locksmith has finished changing the locks on Rosss door.]
RACHEL: Agh, what a jerk. I kept talking about you and he kept asking me out. I mean, naturally, you know, I said no.
Phoebe: Okay, we're gonna take a short break. (Goes over to their table)
Joey: Hey, that guy's going home with more than a note!
Phoebe: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?
Ross: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere. (She sits down and Ross strokes her forehead.)
Chandler: Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever.
Ross: C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact!
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.
Rachel: (laughs and pushes the chair back in) Yeah, well, y'know umm No honey, listen I think it's a great idea to become friends with someone before you date them, but I think the way you do it is y'know you meet someone, become their friend, build a foundation, then you ask them out on a date. Don't hit on your existing friends!
Ross: Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like doing it as a favour to me.
Phoebe: Okay, alright, I have a question, then.
[Joey enters, his shoes have bells on, which jingle as he walks. He is wearing a long coat.]
David: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you.
Ross: Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathe- (Realises) ....sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'.
Mrs. Geller: I'm telling you, it's a wonder your mother turned out to be the positive, life-affirming person that she is.