words in movies
Chandler: Buh-bye. (Hangs up the phone) I just got us reservations at Michelles and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple.
Phoebe: (entering carrying a skull) Hey!
Phoebe: No, no, no. It's not! It's not my mom. It belonged to mom. Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us, that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And, you can put candy in it. (She grabs the skull, pulls out a stick of licorice, and takes a bite.)
(Joey comes out of the bathroom reading a newspaper)
Monica: About a half an hour.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting a cup of coffee and sits down next to Monica.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is sitting behind a red drum set.]
Monica: I'm sorry. But not that sorry, 'cause you don't have to live with it. Um, we have a reservation under the name Chandler Bing.
Maitre d': Oh-kay, we'll have a table for you in about 45 minutes.
Maitre d': I'm sorry. Christmas is a very busy time, sir.
Chandler: Give him money? It was a joke!
Monica: No, to get a table! Places like are always shakin you down. Everybody wants to be paid off.
Chandler: Hey, I can be smooth. (Walks back to the Maitre d', very smoothly) Listen, we're a little bit in a hurry, so, if you can get us a table a little quicker, I'd appreciate it. (Shakes his hand)
Ross: Yes, but also (Pauses to let Ben answer, but he doesnt.) Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish, and-and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday.
Ross: Right, um, but, on Hanukkah, Hanukkah is a celebration of a miracle. See, years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees.
Ross: (interrupts him again) Okay, it's not a contest.
Monica: It's easy! Just keep it casual! Give him a kind word, shake his hand and give him the money!
Joey: Hey-hey, Pheebs, check it out, we already learned a song. (To Rachel) Ready? One, two, three, four...
[Rachel hits some tom-toms and ends up on the 'crash'-cymbal, which is in fact a ride-cymbal, but whatever...]
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. (He gets up, and shakes Gunther's hand. A bunch of coins fall out his hand. He sits down next to Monica.) Definitely not easier with coins. (Joey gets up and picks up the coins. Chandler thinks, Joey is just helping him to pick them up.) Thank you.
Chandler: If you wanna give Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, why not get him something a little bit more subtle, like a wrecking ball, or a vile of small pox to release in the hallway?
Phoebe: (entering with an aquarium covered by a towel) Hey, Joey, I got you another present. (She puts it on the counter)
Joey: Oh wait, before you tell me what it is! (He plays a drum-roll) Okay, what is it?
Phoebe: It's a tarantula! (Joey almost falls down from his drum-stool jumping up) Oh! God! Rachel, look, I'm sorry. What was I thinking giving Joey this big, gross, scary spider in such a poorly constructed cage?
Rachel: What are you talking about? I love them! (Looks into the cage) Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it-it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't this cool?
Rachel: What? Wait-wait a minute, what? Phoebe, what's the matter?
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
[Scene: Halloween Adventure, a costume shop, there is a salesman behind the counter, Ross enters.]
Ross: Well, uh, do you have a Santa-outfit left?
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
Monica: Wow, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted coming all the way from Texas.
Chandler: (entering in a Santa costume) Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo, and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence, I never thought I'd say.
Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!
Chandler: But I didn't get to shape my belly like a bowl full of jelly.
Monica: (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.)
[Joey enters in a Superman-costume]
Joey: (entering wearing a Superman costume) Merry Christmas!
Phoebe: Theres a skylight?! (Runs to see and yells from the bedroom.) Wow!!
Rachel: So what should we do? Should we start looking for a new place?
Phoebe: A little bit, yeah.
Phoebe: Okay, I understand why Superman is here, but why is there a porcupine at the Easter Bunnys funeral?
Rachel: Joey, would you just come out here and stop being such a baby!
Steve: Yeah. So, do you want to give a check? Or
Chandler: (To Rachel) Sounds like a fun party.
Rachel: Hey, Chandler, don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already know! Come on, she broke up with Richard because he didn't want to have babies. And she's a woman, and she's almost 30, and y'know it's Monica.
Ross: Thanks you guys, I really appreciate this. All right, I'm gonna get packing again. Man, I've been moving around so much I'm beginning to feel like a nomad.
Katie: You were so funny with that waiter! You're such a nut! (She slaps her thighs, Joey jerks, and spills some of his coffee.)
Monica: I know what you need, you need a bodyguard. Hey Ross, what is Ben doing after preschool?
RYAN: If I had one wish, it would be to build a time machine, go back to when I was 7, when Jimmy Hauser had the chicken pox. I would grab that kid and rub him all over my face.
Monica: Gunther, can I get a coffee (Looks at Chandler) to go?
Monica: And its a magnet!
Phoebe: Yeah, uh-huh, a 100 dollars.
Ross: Well, Kathy gets half-naked and simulates sex with a real good lookin guy.
Ross: Look, this is a disaster! Can't I please just go?
Phoebe: No! No! I'm talking you up to people. Just give it a little time, all right? Relax, get something to eat! Okay?
Ross: Ohh. (He cuts himself a piece of cake.)
Guest #2: (sees the cake) Oh my God! Someone cut Howard's cake! (Ross tries dumping it into a nearby plant.) Who would do a think like that?
Chandler: Okay, I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, y'know a lot of uhh, us thinking. And uh, well I guess there's only one-one way to do this. (He slowly and awkwardly gets down on one knee.)
Chandler: (getting out a ring box) Monica
Joey: What a bad idea!
Ross: How weird is that? Yknow? Youre moving in with me and have the one thing I dont have. Its like uh, in a way you-you complete me (Phoebe glares at him) kitchen.
Monica: (kneels with him) Chandler, umm, I want you to take just a minute and I want you to think about how ridiculous this sounds.
Chandler: Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door. (Points at the door.)
Pete: Let me tell you a story. When I set out to create Moss 865, do you think it just happened overnight? No. There was Moss 1, that burnt down my Dads garage, there was Moss 2 that would only schedule appointments in January, and 862 others that I learned from, just like I learned from this fight, never to let a guy stand on my neck.
Ross: This is fun. Hey Rach, remember that whole "We were on a break thing?" Well, I'm sorry, will you marry me? (Laughs--whines as he sees that no one is laughing. They're just staring at him in shock.)
Rachel: (looking at the bill) Uhh, we still need a tip.
Rachel: A couple of bucks.
Alice: Oh no-no, never say that. If we cant get it out then we can cut around the stain, add a little lace, you make a stylish throw.
Chandler: Oh that's so cool! Why would a cop come in here though? They don't serve donuts. (No one laughs.) Y'know what actually, could you discover the badge again? I think I can come up with something better than that.
CHANDLER: It's about cutting my people a little slack, ya know, for morale. Look, if you wanna see some rough numbers, I can get them to you by Wednesday.
Chandler: Oh, y'know what? The last time Joey went to a meadow, his mother was shot by a hunter.
Joey: No! No, you smell like a meadow. (Pause.) I'm sorry. (Runs to the bathroom.)
Ross: (To Rachel) Yeah, I still don't know. (To the salesman who is hovering nearby) I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, "Kids welcome here." But that also says, (In a sexy voice) "Come here to me!"
The Salesman: Yeah. Could you just sign right here please? (Hands him a clipboard.)
MOVER: Uh, the dog. [points to a big poecelain greyhound]
Rachel: Ross, honey, it's a nice couch. It's not a magic couch.
The Salesman: You picked a great couch.
Monica: Well I think the length of teasing is directly related to how insane you were so, a long time.
Ross: A loser you did it with (To the salesman) 298 times!
Rachel: Come on, I don't really want to be doing this right now. I am carrying a very heavy couch.
[Scene: Outside of Central Perk, Phoebe is exiting and sees a woman put out her cigarette on a tree.]
Phoebe: You can't put your cigarette out on a tree!
The Smoking Woman: I am not going to apologize to a tree!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica and Chandler are sitting on one of the chairs doing a crossword puzzle.]
Chandler: Okay, but impersonating a police officer is a serious thing. You could get arrested.
(She can't stay at the end as the couch rounds the turn so she shifts to the back corner of the couch and is at a 90-degree angle to it.)
Chandler: You had a dream about a girl that I am seeing?! Oh, that is so cool! (To Monica) I can't tell you how many times I've dreamt about a girl that he was seeing. (Seeing Monica's stare.) (To Joey) Anyway we're talking about your dream. (To Monica) I love you. (To Joey) Your dream? (Leans in to listen closely.)
Monica: Hey Joey, sweetie, taste this. (Holds out a spoon for him.)
Joey: All right! There is something. I kinda had a dream, (pause) but I don't want to talk about it. (Starts for his room.)
Joey: No, I don't think it's just about just getting a girlfriend. Y'know? I mean, yeah, I can get a girlfriend! Yeah, we could sit in the chair and do crosswords, but y'know are we ever going to have y'know the closeness like-like you guys have?
Monica: Well sure! I'm just wearing sweats! (Looking at Chandler and slowly realizing what his point is.) But that's good that you're not in love with me, because you just want a girlfriend!
(Monica and Chandler both remember a special moment between them.)
Phoebe: Well, it's a problem for me, which means it's a problem for you 'cause I'm a cop. (Shows the badge.)
Joey: (in a sexy voice) How you doin'?
Guy: Don't worry about it. It's not a problem.
Cop: (stopping her) Hey, wait a second! So wait, what precinct are you with?
Phoebe: Ohh, no. (Pause) Oh okay, so you're a cop which means you can park anywhere, 'cause I know that 'cause I'm a cop too. So, all right, keep up the good work. 10-4. (Tries to leave.)
Rachel: Hey! Joey, would you mind giving me and Ross a hand moving his couch?
Joey: Yeah that's not such a bad situation they got going over there. I'm thinking of getting me one of those.
Joey: I'll treat you real nice. (Pulls out a chair for her.)
Joey: I'm saying maybe you and I crank it up a notch.
Rachel: Wow! You certainly think a lot of yourself.
Cop: Oh, I know a guy in homicide up there.
Quartet: Your no God's gift to women, that's all in your headdddd. You are just a buttmunch.
Ross: Look, I-I drew a sketch about how we're gonna do it. (Showing them) Okay Rach, (points to the sketch) that's you. That's the couch. (Points again.)
Rachel: So, if I wanna have my kid when Im 35, I dont have to get pregnant until Im 34. Which gives Prada four years to start making maternity clothes! Oh wait, but I do want to be married for a year before I get pregnant
Rachel: I know, me neither! I mean, you had a sketch!
(As they start back down the couch drops a little bit and gets jammed. They try to free it to no avail.)
Monica: (entering from her room, excitedly) Im getting married today!!! (She trips and falls.) (Getting up) I think I just cracked a rib. But I dont care because todays my wedding day! My day is finally here!! (Runs back into her room.)
(They all throw their pieces back as there is a knock on the door.)
(They all walk over to get a slice.)
Joey: (taking a bite) Oh, great! Can you believe I found it on the second floor?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering with a pizza and finds everyone but Ross there.]
Joey: Uhh, just a minute officer!!
[Cut to the living room where Monica is helping pack a box.]
Cop: Yeah, but I kinda don't have a choice, it's my job. I mean, you understand right?
Phoebe: Yep! As long as you understand that I'm going to call my lawyer and once he puts you on the stand he'll make you look like a fool. A fool!
Chandler: Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard. Y'... I can grow a moustache!
Gary: Okay, so it's a date.
Chandler: (To Rachel) He has a gun!
Gary: Okay. (He starts to leave.) So I'll come by in a couple hours and pick you up?
[Scene: The couch store, Ross is talking to a saleswoman.]
Rachel: Well, I have a job interview at Ralph Lauren tomorrow!
Ross: Look, I am a reasonable man. I will accept store credit.
Ross: Yeah, hey I-I have clothes, I even pick them out. I mean for, for all you know I could be a fashion..... monger.
Monica: Hey Rach, arent these candlesticks (holds up a pair) mine?
(We see Ross through the window and he acts like a swimmer that gets attacked by a shark, picture one of the many, many, many Jaws movies they made and you get the idea.)
Chandler: Oh, that would be Monica. Hey, listen, I wanna borrow a coupla things, Aurora spent the night, I really wanna make her breakfast.
Allesandro: (entering) I want a retraction! Our food is not inedible swill!
Chandler: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?
Phoebe: But it's just so unfair that our date has to get cut short just 'cause some guy shot at a store clerk.
Monica: Wow! For just a week you guys are really close, huh?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's weird. I can't help it though he's so sweet, he's like this little puppy dog, y'know? But like a really tough one that shots bad guys. Ohh, I just love beginning parts of relationships, y'know?! You just like can't keep your hands off each other.
Chandler: I was shrieking... like a Marine.
Rachel: (in disbelief) You WHAT? And I missed it? Because I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie?
Rachel: Ugh, it was horrible! And-and the interview part went so well, y'know? I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets!" (She starts laughing; Chandler and Joey are not amused.) Trust me, it was actually, it was very funny. Anyway, so we were saying good-bye and ugh!
Rachel: I can't believe it! I got a second interview!
Rachel: What-what, wait a minute, you don't think that's why he wants me back?
Joey: I bet that kiss isn't looking like such a big mistake now, is it?
Monica: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Rach, a guy from Ralph Lauren called, you got a second interview!
Monica: A kiss? What are you talking about?
Joey: Yeah! (Chandler makes a noise) No?