words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
(They all laugh indifferently, except Chandler, whos a little angry.)
Monica: Well, you tell a lot of jokes!
Chandler: Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up.
Joey: No, thats VH-1. I gotta tell you, the music these kids listen to today . . . Its like a lotta noise to me. I dont know
Joey: No, Chandler. Look, forget about it, okay? Look, I know things have been a little tight since Janine moved out. Oh, was she hot.
Rachel: We are looking at a Playboy.
Phoebe: Oh, I want to look too! (She runs over and sits down and checks out a picture). Yikes!
Monica: So do you think that these picturesAre, are they trying to tell a story?
Rachel: You see, now, I would date this girl. Shes cute, shes outdoorsy, you know, and she knows how to build a fire. I mean, thats got to come in handy
Monica: Okay, Ive got a question. If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be?
Ross: What, you didnt get it? The doctor is a monkey.
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
Ross: Well, I was going to stick it in the ATM, but now I think Ill show the sexy teller that I am a published writer.
Joey: Uh, I dont know. Ya see, its just, see I was a regular on a soap opera yknow? And to go from that to this, I just Plus, Id have to wait on all my friends.
Joey: Maybe I could be a waiter. Could I use the phone?
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
Monica: Thats a good idea.
Monica: Do you know whats a bad idea?
Monica: Thats right. (A noise comes from the living room.) Did you hear something?
(They go out to investigate, and find Joey wrapped in a blanket watching their television.)
Monica: (laughing) Oh, dont you guys look cute. You guys make such a cute couple.
Phoebe: Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that youre just kinda high maintenanceOkay lets go to lunch!
Monica: That is completely untrue. You think Im high maintenance? Okay, prove it. I want you to make a list and were going to go through it point by point!
Rachel: What? Wait a minute. What are you saying, that Im a pushover? Im not a pushover.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, (laughing) youre not a pushover.
Rachel: Oh my you think Im a pushover. Well wait, watch this, you know what? Youre not invited to lunch. What do you think of that? I think thats pretty strong, thats what I think. Come on, Monica, lets go to lunch. (She leaves)
Ross: Uh, yeah, Ill take a coffee. Thanks, man.
Joey: (to a table of strangers) You guys need anything, cause Im heading up there.
Joey: Just being friendly. (He gives Monica a whats wrong with you? look and proceeds to walk behind the counter.)
Joey: Nah, its okay. Right, Gunther? (Winks at him as if theyre in on a secret together.)
Joey: Its kind of embarrassing, yknow. I mean, I was an actor and now Im a waiter. Its supposed to go in the other direction.
Chandler: So is your apron. Youre wearing it like a cape.
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
Joey: Oh, Im sorry, Ross. Ill get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, Ill toss in a free muffin.
Rachel: Phoebe. We would like to talk to you for a second.
Monica: So, maybe I am a little high maintenance. And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. But you know what we decided you are?
Rachel: Yeah, and I am okay with being a pushover.
Rachel: I am not a pushover!
Joey: Really?! I like your natural color. Come on man, its a great part. Look, check it out. Im the lead guys best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen-listen. Im sorry, that seats saved.
Joey: Yeah, its for the kids. To keep the kids off drugs. Its a very important issue in this months Playboy. Im sure you all read about it.
Chandler: (to Ross) Dont try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) Im your only chance to have a baby. Okay, lets go.
Ross: Are you kidding? Okay, look. I-I studied evolution. Remember, evolution? Monkey into man? Plus, Im a doctor, and I had a monkey. Im Doctor Monkey!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at a table and Phoebe is on the couch. Chandler and Monica can be seen outside, shes lecturing him, and pushes him inside. He then nods to Rachel, and is obviously counting off the seconds in his head and then Monica makes a grand enterance.]
Chandler: (starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and(He falters and Monica prompts him.)generosity of spirit.
Chandler: (pauses as he struggles with what he has to say) Youre a little high maintenance.
Phoebe: Wow! That is a bad audition.
Rachel: He left work in the middle of the day to do a personal errand and left you in charge when youve been working here two days? Thats not, thats not right.
Rachel: Yeah, pretty nice, huh? Now whos a pushover?
Rachel: Hey. Oh, I have a question. If-if-if one of you had to pick one of the other two guys to go out with, who would you pick?
Rachel: Ugh, Ross! That was not a near death experience! That was barely an experience!
Phoebe: Yes. Once. Yeah, a little. He kinda did it to himself. It's not really a good story.
Ross: I wonder how I would react under fire, y'know? And not backfire but-but heavy fire, like I was in a war or something.
Rachel: No! I mean come on! This is a huge deal! (She sits next to him on the couch.) Fine I wantI need more details, who-who initiated the first kiss?
Phoebe: Because you are so afraid of commitment! You talk to him, make him scared like you! Make him a man!
Rachel: Oh, I have to go tell Monica what a wonderful brother she has! (Kisses him on the cheek and exits.)
Phoebe: No, I like him a lot but I don't think I'm ready for this!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are playing catch with a little foam globe.]
Chandler: I'll try, but I'm not sure what good it would do, y'know? Because I'm a lot less afraid of commitment than I used to be.
Rachel: All right listen umm, I just bought something I'm not sure she's gonna like it, and it's gonna seem a little crazy, but this is something that I wanted since I was a little girl.
Joey: That, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.}
Rachel: It's a, it's a cat!
Rachel: A thousand bucks.
Rachel: Well, it was a little extravagant, but I a pretty good deal.
Ross: ON A CAT??!!!!
Chandler: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.
Joey: It's not a cat!
Joey: It's not a cat!
Mr. Geller: Well, its time for a new family to start their memories here and hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling.
Chandler: Gary, I'm here to report a crime.
[Scene: the 5th Precinct, Gary's precinct, Chandler has come to talk to him about commitment. And as he's walking through the door he notices a couple of "Ladies of the night" sitting there. (If you know what I mean.)]
Chandler: Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.
Chandler: It is a crime that you and I don't spend more time together.
Joey: Maybe this should be more of a quiet game.
Ross: How do you know? You don't have a watch.
Joey: Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear!
Monica: I don't want a cat!
Monica: (To Rachel) What?! You paid a thousand dollars for a cat when you owe me 300!!
Ross: Doesn't sound as crazy as paying a thousand dollars for a cat.
Rachel: Oh yeah, I got a cat.
Joey: Oh, don't worry, it's not a cat.
Chandler: He's a great guy, y'know? And he loves you a lot, you are a very lucky lady.
Phoebe: That is so sweet. But don't you think it's a little too soon? I mean there's so much we don't know about each other.
Phoebe: I really don't want to mess up what we have. I'm justI'm worried it's gonna be a big mistake.
Chandler: I'm not a dropper!
Ross: It's really a uh-uh three person game, y'know?
{Y'know, sometimes I think the script writers throw in a line like that to try to trip me up. But it won't work. I'll always have the last laugh! <manical_laugh.wav> Okay, so maybe I'm a little deluded, it's probably just my spellchecker. But, I must admit I did get Mesozoic and Paleozoic on the first attempt. Yay me! Anyhoo }
MONICA: Remember it? What do you think this is, a freckle?
Joey: Whoa-whoa you guys, it's not a cat!
Rachel: Well, they said would but they would only give me store credit. I mean, what am I going to do, get a thousand regular cats?
Monica: Why, do you write him a lot?
Phoebe: No, as soon as something opens up we'll move right in. Unless it doesn't have a pool, I need a pool. (Turns away from him.)
Gary: Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?
Gary: Take a seat. You okay? You feeling all right? (Closes the door and takes off his coat.)
Gary: In a minute. You-you checked today's Post?
Monica: (on phone, faking she's sick) I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into work today, I don't feel very good. (Joey makes a high throw and Monica has to catch it way over her head.) (Not sounding sick) Yes!! (Realizes what she just did.) (Sounding sick again) Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not. (Hangs up and keeps throwing the ball.)
Gary: Phoebe, it's okay that you feel this way. I mean it is soon. And there's a lot of things we don't know about each other, and I just figure that everything I really like. And the things I don't know, I get to learn about at someplace with both our names on the mailbox.
Chandler: Hi, listen, Im sorry about before. I dont need to have a game room. I mean when I was a kid I only played those games because I couldnt get girls, and now I can emNow, I have you. (Monica glares at him.) Not-not that I think that I have you or think of you as property in any sort of way, I see women
(Phoebe makes a sound like a car screeching to a halt.)
Rachel: Show cat! Quality show cat! Show cat! (A woman approaches.)
Woman No. 2: Maybe. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was just going to go to the shelter (Good for her) but Okay, why not?
Woman No. 2: Okay, yeah, I just wanted a cat. (Starts to leave.)
Rachel: It's not a baby! It's a cat!
Rachel: Okay, a thousand.
Monica: Wow! You made a profit!
Chandler: Okay, but there is a big difference. You are a lot hotter than I am.
Phoebe: I couldn't tell him no. He got so sad. Maybe it'll be all right. I do really like him a lot and probably do it eventually anyway and plus, think of all the money I'll save on stamps.
Gary: Wait, just a second.
Phoebe: He shot a bird!
Joey: Dude, you should've gone out once and a while.
Gary: (To Phoebe) Hi sweetie. (Kisses her.) Hi, can I talk to you for a second?
Phoebe: Oh, well, it doesnt have a nameoh, okay, Phoebeball! No, it doesnt have a name. Umm, okay, Monica, what is your favourite thing about trees?
Rachel: Well, my eye is a little itchy.
Monica: Listen, we dont have to make that a guest room, we can think of something to do with the room together.
Chandler: Come on! Gary's such a great guy! Whatever the problem is, you can work it out!
Monica: Boy, I love carrots! Oh! (She picks up a bunch of them and holds them between her fingers.) Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. (She is rubbing her hip with the carrots.) Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife (She picks up a knife without putting the box down. She's holding the box between her cheek and shoulder) and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, (Pause) my body. (She doesn't have any exposed skin within reach of the knife, so while holding the carrots in one hand and the box between her face and shoulder, she rubs the knife on her stomach.)
Phoebe: Ohh, give him a kiss for me!
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!
Phoebe: Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, "Ross" on it.
Chandler: Thats a great idea! We can easily think of a way for us both to enjoy the room.
Joey: No-no, stay right there. (Monica stops and Joey flips her a pancake, which flies over her head and lands in the living room.) Gettin closer.
Joey: I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a map as Phoebe enters.]
Ross: Yeah. He could row like a viking.
Joey: A swimmer!
Phoebe: Good, but wait. Okay, all right, here we go. Now I want you to relax. Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. (Quickly) Which do you like better peanut butter or egg whites?
The Doctor: I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were a little nervous, but don't worry everything's gonna be just fine.
Joshua: Umm, this may be a little weird, but I-I-I got a date here.
Monica: A small puff of air, now come on!
Dr. Miller: And I'll fit you for a glass eye.
Monica: I sure do! (She runs over to a drawer, opens it, and grabs a lollipop.) (To Rachel) And you don't get one!
Rachel: Y'know, I-I gotta tell ya, those eye drops are a miracle. My eye is a 100% better.
Chandler: Yeah, listen, how cold is it going to be there? Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough? (Holds up 3 of them in different colors.)
CHANDLER: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter. I'll be fine. I'll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game room or somethin', you know, put the foosball table in there.
Chandler: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?
Joey: Oh, yeah, totally! Thats such a turn-on!
Monica: He's a dropper!
Joey: Uh no, not really. It's an independent film y'know? So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.
Phoebe: Thanks a lot! I just got that jerk out of my mind!
Joey: Shhh! This is a museum, no talking. Right down here, (Motions to a fossilised dinosaur foot.) we have a large foot. (Sees Ross working in one of the display cases.) Uhh, and over here we have Ross Geller. (Knocks on the glass) Everyone wave Hi to Ross. Ross is one of our most important scientists, look at him, hard at work. (Ross does the old "Putting a cigarette in your ear and pulling it out of your mouth trick.") Okay, moving right along. Come on.
(Rachel throws the alcohol in the fire. A burst of flames shoots up from it.)
[Scene: Richards bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a thorn.]
Joey: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!
Chandler: They're not even paying ya! This doesn't even sound like a real movie!
Joey: You don't think this is going to be a big break for me?
Chandler: All right, I'll tell ya what, the next time you ask me a question like that I'll lie.
Phoebe: Umm, no thank you. (She gets up and moves to the couch. They were at a table previously.)
Rachel: Oh, did you beat him at a board game? He turns into such a baby when he starts to lose.
Chandler: I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast.