words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI don't think we need a third...
Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!
Monica: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do.
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Chandler: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a...
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]
Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window.
Monica: Yeah, well, I'll take a little crying any day over Howard-the-"I-win"-guy. (imitating) "I win! I win!" I went out with the guy for two monthsI didn't get to win once.
Phoebe: I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.
Phoebe: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head? She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual.
Janice: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
Joey: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?
Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I definitely want to be a part of it.
Chandler: Oh, what a crappy night!
Chandler: Joey's not a friend. He's...a stupid man who left us his credit card. Another drink? Some dessert? A big screen TV?
Chandler: You got it. Good woman! (the waiter turns around, it's a man) Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne?
Chandler: That's right, each. Oh, and a uh Rob Roy. (to Janice) I've always wanted to know...
Janice: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the hall.
[Scene: A Chinese Restaurant, Ross is there with his date.]
Ross: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Ross: If you wanna put a label on it.
Monica: All I have is, is oregano and a Fresca.
Phoebe: Um, that's ok! (throws it in fire) Ok. All right. Now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Monica: Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.
Rachel: (looking at picture) Hey he's wearing a sweater.
(Rachel throws the alcohol in the fire. A burst of flames shoots up from it.)
Chandler: Oh, man. In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush.
Ross: So, um, what do you do for a living?
Fireman No. 2: A piece of something: boxer shorts, greeting cards, and what looks like a half-charred pictureWow, that guy's hairier than the Chief!
Monica: You know, it's a really funny story how this happened.
Janice: You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. You want me. You need me. You can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't know you know it. See ya.
Carol: It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine.
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)
Ross: No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with your life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you.
Carol: All you need is a woman who likes men and you'll be set.
(A beautiful woman walks by Ross, he stares at her.)
Phoebe: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! (they all stop fighting, Chandler continues to dance.) Look what youre doing to Chandler!! (Chandler finally stops) (to Ross and Rachel) Yeah, look, we know this is really, really hard for you guys. Okay? (Ross starts to leave) You dont, all right you dont have to love each other, okay? You dont, you dont even have to like each other much right now. But please, you have to figure out a way to be around each other.
Joey: Oh what, wait, wait a second, I mean, what are we doing? Whos going with who?
Phoebe: Maybe we can like go to a movie or something.
Carol: Youre a genius, Ross.
(Chandler enters with a cigarette.)
Gunther: Okay, but only if you give me a drag.
(He goes and sits down next to Rachel and puts a cigarette in his mouth, which Rachel takes away from him. He puts another cigarette in his mouth, and Rachel takes it away again.)
(Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.)
Ross: Oh, great! Listen, oh I had to get you a whole new battery. I got you the best one I could, cause thats not where you want to skimp.
Phoebe: All right, y'know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men.
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Ross is handing Rachel a cup of coffee.]
Frank: Well, we got into a fight cause ah, she said I was to immature to get married.
Frank: Oh, well y'know, I wouldve called but I lost your phone number and then ah, my Mom locked me out of the house so I couldnt find it. And then, I tried to find a pay phone, and ah, the receiver was cut off. So...
Monica: Yeah, ah, but Pheebs dont you think hes a little young to get married?
Phoebe: Yeah, Im a big surprise.
Joey: Yeah, or-or to get a hooker.
Monica: (to a customer) Pete, can I get you something else?
Pete: Yeah, a slice of cheesecake and-and a date if youre given em out.
Rachel: Well, that shouldnt be a problem. I mean I work in fashion and all I meet are eligible straight men.
(Joey throws a punch and just lightly taps her on the shoulder, Phoebe counters with a jab to the nose.)
Chandler: (entering, carrying a briefcase) Hi.
Chandler: (reading the check) Pete Becker. Pete (quickly grabs a magazine and opens it up to show her a picture) (pointing to the picture) Is this him?
Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so Id call him.
Rachel: Hey Mon, lets give Pete a chance Come on, he was funny, he seems really nice, and that check thing was adorable.
Rachel: Oh my God, Monicas gonna go out with a millionaire.
Rachel: Oh my God, I cant believe this is a real $20,000 check, oh this is just so exciting.
Rachel: Oh-oh, thats a risky little game!
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. Its a real mustard-tastrophe. Can you help me?
Pete: One meal! Thats all Im asking for. Please? We go out, we eat, and if you dont have a good time, I give you ten grand, we call it even.
Ross: Yeah, marriage... stinks! I mean if you wanna see a man gain weight and a woman stop shaving? Get them married.
Frank: Wait, y'know what, I-I came to you because I thought youd understand! Oh no!! Y'know, I would storm out of here right now if-if I had some money, or a place to go
Phoebe: Umm, well I, I kinda had a little chat with Alice, and I sort of made her see why you two shouldnt be together, y'know. And youre gonna see it to, one day, you really, really will.
Frank: Wait a minute, wait, this is because of you?
Pete: I know a great little place.
Alice: None the less. Umm, youre too young to, to really know what you want. (They embrace in a passionate kiss.)
Phoebe: No, Im really okay with this. Yknow why? Cause look at them, and I made that, so I know its gonna be like a million times harder to give up a baby but, oh my God, its gonna feel like a million times better, right? I wanna do this. (To Frank and Alice) I wanna carry your baby.
Hypnosis Tape: Cigarettes dont control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke.
Mrs. Green: Well uh, I dont have a gift because I wasnt invited until the last minute, but thank you so much for bringing that to everyones attention.
Joey: (Hes recorded his voice on the tape) Joeys your best friEnd. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. (he laughs) And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.
Monica: Hes great! I mean we have such a good time together! Hes so funny, and sooo sweet, and Im not attracted to him at all!!
(She goes over to the snack table, and Joey quickly runs over and pours her a cup of coffee.)
[Scene: A restaurant in Rome, Monica is paying for the pizza.]
Gunther: I dropped a cup.
Kate: No, thats not it. So, youre a soap actor? Well this must be pretty exciting for you to be in a real play, hmm?
Joey: Hey, Ive done plays before. Im a serious actor.
(Shes interrupted by a loud crash and the sound of braking dishes. Followed quickly by another crash. Everyone turns and looks at the back room, as Gunther emerges.)
Kate: Right, at the end, you choked on a cookie.
[Scene: A Theatre, Joey is arriving to rehearse the play hes in.]
Ross: So Rachel called. Wants to see me. Going over in a minute.
Chandler: (in a deep voice) If I broke up with you, Id miss you.
Ross: Then be supportive like a guy.
The Doctor: (seeing theyre not identical) But uh, this is a study for identical twins.
Rachel: Oh, y'know, its just like hats, and a shirt, and CDs, just sort of stuff that youve left here.
Ross: Its still a gift! I got it from the gift shop!
Rachel: Yeah. Ahh, heres a box of your stuff. (hands him a box)
Phoebe: Y'know what, you should like, you should buy a state and then just name it after yourself.
[Cut to Joey hanging up the phone in Vegas. He's wearing a Roman gladiator's uniform and goes over to join a family to pose for a picture. You see, he's apparently taken a job at Caesar's Palace.]
Chandler: Thats not a state Joe.
Phoebe: No-no-no, I know, but you and I are different people though, and this is a totally different situation, and I know that I am not gonna regret this.
Kate: I think my characters gonna need a little bit more of reason than that.
Kate: I have a question about this scene.
Rachel: I’m telling you guys, we followed them out to a house in Westchester, the went in for like forty-five minutes and then they came out looking pretty happy!
Joey: Oh, hey, how about this one. Ah, its says so in the script! Y'know ah, I-I dont know why my character likes you either, I mean it says in the script here that youre a bitch.
[Rachel comes out of her apartment, followed by Mark, and they leave on their date, without saying a word to Ross. Ross is stunned.]
Phoebe: Oh, its incredible! I so want to be a Waxine girl.
Monica: Oh. (to Phoebe) Can I have a tissue?
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?
Monica: All right. (Looking through a box.) Op, here it is! Right underneath the can of-of bug bomb. I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the can of poison?
Monica: Would you ever be a surrogate for anyone?
[Scene: A Hospital Reception, Monica and Pete are there.]
Monica: Okay. Umm, y'know, I dont think, I dont think I told you this, but umm, I just got out of a really serious relationship.
Joey: Look, the point is, theres a lot of women out there you havent even had sex with yet!
Pete: Oh, yeah. Wasnt that like a year ago?
Monica: No. It was painful. Oh my God , they should call it Pain-zine, now with a little wax.
Pete: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now were like this-this couple that fights.
Chandler: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Ross: No!! Y'know-y'know dont do me any favours. In fact, where, wheres the rest of my stuff?! Huh? Like-like my umm, (picks up a book) Hey, this book is mine!! And-and-and, and that T-shirt you sleep in? Id like that back too. Yes, I do.
Joey: ...feel like getting a cup of coffee?
Rachel: Oh, great. Although I did sit down where there wasnt a chair.
Chandler: Hey, you have nothing but talk about her for the last 48 hours! If you were in a school yard youd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now!
Rachel: Oh, well, I guess I had that one coming. Im just gonna throw it out, its probably just a bunch of shampoo and... (she opens the box and stops)
Monica: By the way, Ross dropped by a box of your stuff.
[Scene: The next morning on the street. Ross is dancing along, Singing in the Rain is playing. Two old ladies are sitting on a bench.]
Mr. Oberblau: I'm just saying, I have a cabin in the Adirondacks if you ever want to get away from the city, well, that'd be (pause) just nifty!
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait. Youre telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didnt want you back?!
Monica: Well, um, look I-I dont want this to come our wrong, but ah, you seem awfully confident for a guy I just told I wasnt attracted too.
Phoebe: Wait, am I missing something though? Cause I thought death was something thats supposed to be sad, in a way.
Phoebe: Wow, a house for dolls, that is so cool! When I was kid, I had a barrel.
Joey: Uh, Pheebs, you had a barrel for a dollhouse?
Monica: So I did tell you. Okay, y'know, that really isnt the thing. Umm, the thing is that, right now Im just in a place in my life where I need to focus on me. Y'know what I mean?
Rachel: Oh, you are a petty man. You are a petty, petty....
Joanna: Bing! Thats a great name.
Joey: Look, I just need a wire something to jimmy it. Oh hey, one of you guys give me the underwire from your bra!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is showing off her new dollhouse. Its a huge dollhouse, that takes up the entire living room table.]
Phoebe: Thats a dog, every house should have a dog.
Monica: I dont want a ghost.
Chandler: (holding a tissue) And is this in case the house sneezes?
JULIE: You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts and women dance naked around you.
The Director: Hey, lovely! Come, talk to me a minute! (she goes over to him)
Chandler: No. This is just part of a dare devil game that I play called wait until the last moment before I burst and die.