words in movies
JOEY: Alright open your eyes. [opens his eyes to see two black leather recliners and a big screen TV]
MONICA: Rose Marie really belongs on a smaller screen, doesn't she?
PHOEBE: OK, I can be a waitress, I can be a waitress.
MONICA: Really Phoebs? Because, you know, you'd have to be an actual waitress. This can't be like your 'I can be a bear cub' thing.
PHOEBE: I can be a waitress. OK watch this. Um, gimme two number ones, 86 the bacon, one Adam and Eve on a raft and rick'em, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, since the divorce, when anybody asks me how I am, it's always with a sympathetic head tilt. [demonstrating] 'How ya doin'? You OK?'
DR. BURKE: No no, it, it's fine, believe me. I do it too. I always answer with the 'I'm OK' head bob. [demonstrates] 'I'm OK.' [tilts head] 'You sure?' [bobs head] 'Yeah, I'm fine.' Hey listen, I've got to set up the music. I got a new CD changer, of course the divorce only left me with 4 CD's to change.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]
DR. BURKE: Only because my parents wanted me to be, I wanted to be a sherrif.
MONICA: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grown up.
MONICA: Phoebe, he's a friend of my parents. He's like 20 years older than me.
MONICA: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous eye age.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are returning from a movie.]
RACHEL: C'mon, I'm not saying it was a bad movie, I'm just saying, you know, it was a little. . . hard to follow.
RACHEL: Well it's not, honey I'm sorry, I guess I'm just nervous. I mean, it's you, ya know, it's us. I mean, we're crossing that line, sort of a big thing.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are watching a Miracle Wax info-mercial.]
CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it]
ROSS: Oh. Listen, have you ever been uh, you know, foolin' around with a girl and uh, she started laughin'?
JOEY: It certainly is a miracle.
RACHEL: Well, I was thinking maybe a um, a romantic dinner with um, candles and wine and then uh, maybe going back to my place for um, dessert.
[there's a loud bang at the door so Ross opens it back up to find a shoe has been thrown at it]
CHANDLER: Could you get us a couple of beers?
[He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss]
JOEY: [uses a dentist mirror to see] Naa, she's lyin'.
PHOEBE: You're not the only one who has a date tonight.
ROSS: What? You have a date? Who with?
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross is fixing a display, Rachel is waiting patiently.]
ROSS: Oh look, I can't believe this. Look, homo-habilus hasn't even learned how to use tools yet and they've got him here wi, with clay pots. Why don't, why don't they just give him a microwave? I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is taking so long, ya know, I, I, it's just it's longer than I expected, we will have dinner.
[Ross leaves to find Karl. Rachel takes a peek under the loincloth of one of the display models.]
DR. BURKE: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and everyting. Here. You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . .
MONICA: Oh, you're a grandpa.
MONICA: I don't know, maybe. I mean I'm dating a man who's pool I once peed in.
DR. BURKE: I didn't need to know that. I guess 21 years is a lot. I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older than you.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, it sure does. [they hug and it turns into a passionate kiss]
ROSS: [grabs a fur pelt] C'mon.
ROSS: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight. RACHEL: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight. [they kiss] ROSS: You're not laughing. RACHEL: This time it's not so funny. [They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.] RACHEL: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK. ROSS: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box. RACHEL: Oh, thank God. [Scene: Museum of Natural History. The next morning Rachel and Ross are sleeping in the display under a fur.] ROSS: Hi. RACHEL: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you. ROSS: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah. RACHEL: What? ROSS: We're not alone. [A church youth group is outside the display watching them] CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are still in their chairs, watching Beavis and Butthead.] [they're laughing along with the show when an alarm goes off] JOEY: Is that the fire alarm? CHANDLER: Yeah. [feels the floor] Oh it's not warm yet, we still have time. JOEY: Cool.
Joey: Yeah and the most important thing is that it wont be some like, stranger up there who barely knows you. Itll be me! And I swear Ill do a really good job. Plus, yknow I love you guys and-and it would really mean a lot to me.
Monica: Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my friends all really like.
Monica: Did you ever go out with a guy your friends all really like?
[Scene: A street, Phoebe walks up to a homeless person (Lizzie) she knows.]
[Scene: A Theater, there is a casting session going on for a play.]
Paula: Well, he's a big boy, he'll get over it.
Monica: Wait a minute! We're talking about someone that I'm going out with?
Ross: If only he were a woman.
Chandler: We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy! And when I say legitimate I mean, gay and in control of his saliva!
(They give each other a dubious look.)
Ross: (in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine is having.
Ross: Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little time.
Alan: Yeah, I'm sorry too. But, I gotta tell you, I am a little relieved.
Rachel: He plays for the Yankees. Seriously, ESPN! Just once and a while, have it on in the background. (Chandler nods and Rachel grabs another tux) Ooh, this one was Pierce Brosnan!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica is breaking the news to Alan.]
Alan: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't stand your friends.
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?
(Chandler sulkilty picks up a garbage can lid and uses it as an umbrella.)
Phoebe: Excuse me. Excuse me! (Mrs. Bukart stops singing) Thanks. Um, clearly this is a very, very hard time for you. Um, but, um, we provided a service, and we deserve to be paid because you ate that service, and, um, we are not leaving here until we're paid every penny. 'Cause you know what, lady? We're part time caterers, and we have no place else to go.
Rachel: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes." (Joey enters.)
Ross: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date?
Joey: Look, I told ya, Im not going to any clinic! I dont have a problem, youre the one with the problem! You should go to a "Quit being a baby and leave me alone" clinic!
Ross: Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off it. Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger?
Monica: Wow, you worked in a mine?
Phoebe: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?
Joey: Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job.
Monica: Umm, okay. If its a boy its Daniel.
Joanne: Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play.
Rachel: (to a pregnant Leslie) Look at you, you are so big I can't believe it!
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Joey are kicking a can to each other.]
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, he’s a transponce—transpondster!
Chandler: We'll take a brief time out while Messier stops to look at some women's shoes.
Phoebe: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village..
Joey: (entering) You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?
Rachel: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like...
Ross: What, are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year?
Phoebe: Oh, like that's a word.
(Mike opens the door and there is a gigantic ice sculpture standing in the doorway)
Ross: (jumping to his feet) Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is dented.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry taste?
Monica: Do you have a plan?
Monica: No, you were right. I don't have a plan. (There's a knock on the door.)
Monica: Was he wearing a stunning blue suit?
Phoebe: And-and a power tie?
Pizza Guy: No, pretty much just a towel.
Rachel: (miserably) No, no, that's not what we ordered... We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese.
Phoebe: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman.
Joey: All right, so well get a little coffee, and get energized, and well head back out.
Joanne: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second.
Chandler: So in your whole life, you've only been with one(He gets a look too)oh.
Joey: With Carol? (Ross gives him a look.) Oh.
Phoebe: A couple hours.
Rachel: Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one? (To Phoebe) She was a big girl.
Ross: Hi. (He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose. He tosses some forms onto reception desk.)
David: Pivat!! (In a high pitched voice) Pivat!!!
Chandler: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. (Ross enters off camera)
Joey: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be?
(There's a knock on the door, Chandler opens it, and silently hands back the cushion.)
(Ross starts stuffing pinecones in the suitcase. As the receptionist walks in, Chandler makes a bird's verse and Ross stops)
Ross: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?
Ross: Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh new furniture, why not a fresh new apartment? Her cousin has this great place to sublet, it's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other.
Monica: Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal.
Chandler: Not a one.
Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man, just stop calling.
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home. Oh, it was horrible. He called me young lady.
Joey: Check this out? Huh? (Joey has this big tall hat with a British flag on the front of it.) Yeah. Thats the stuff. What do you think?
JOEY: [walks out of his room] Hey, this is ridiculous. I'll tell you what. After I get back from my neice's christening, I'll go down to the coffee house with you and we'll all have a nice cup of coffee alright. No problem, Joey's there.
(Angela takes a seat at the counter.)
Ross: Look, it's just a little more complicated...
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)
(Angela, a beautiful woman in a tight dress, enters.)
PHOE: Yeah, so I said, "OK, relax please," y'know, I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment, y'know, it's, if he wants to see me again he can call and if not, that's fine too. So after a looooot of talking. . . I convinced him.
Amy: No, she was this really dorky girl in high school that used to follow Rachel around like a puppy dog.
Angela: Bob is great. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. You, you go on three auditions a month and you call yourself an actor, but Bob...
Rachel: Don't you have a laundry room in your building?
Joey: Eww! Look, I'm asking a favor here. If I do this for her brother, maybe Angela will come back to me.
Joey: (proud) I know, but, I made a huge mistake. I never should have broken up with her. Will you help me? Please?
[Scene: A fancy restaurant, Joey and Monica are there, meeting Angela and Bob, who Monica thinks is Angela's brother.]
Ross: Ok, ok, now what is wrong with my Snuggles? What, it says I'm a sensitive, warm kinda guy, you know, like a warm, fuzzy bear. Ok, I can pick something else up on the way.
Ross: Oh, you uh, you wanna hear a freaky coincidence? Guess who's doing laundry there too?
MRS. GREENE: Oh well thank you. Such a gentleman. Thank you. [Chandler takes the hot pink coat and grimaces at it] Ahh, it all looks so nice, so festive, all the balloons... [Chandler, remembering that Joey and Mr. Greene are in the bedroom, throws her coat in a cupboard] The funniest thing happened to me on the way here. I was...[Joey peeks out]
Chandler: It's just you and Rachel, just the two of you? This is a date. You're going on a date.
Phoebe: Ok, have a good break-up.
Chandler: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies.
Chandler: Hey, that's not good. Can I get an espresso and a latte over here, please?
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.)
Joey: Oh hey come on, dont-dont-dont do this! Umm, look let-let me tell you something, okay? Now when I watch you do a scene, Im thinking, "Boy, she-she is a great actress!" (Shes not buying it.) Uh but-but, I am also thinking, "She is hot!"
Ross: Hey, this- (she gives him a look and the guys back off) Heyy...
Janice: I got you...these. (pulls out a pair of socks)
Rachel: Well, not myself, but I know other people that have. Ok, you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.
Monica: It is so great to meet a guy who is smart and funny, and has an emotional age beyond, like eight.
Trudie Styler: Im told there are two sides to this story, but all Ive heard is that Bens a bit of a poo-poo head.
Phoebe: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-aid. Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed.
Dr. Baldhara: How about a hammer, or a small blade?
Rachel: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.
Ross: (not wanting to tell her) Uh-oh, uh-oh, the laundry's done. It's, uh, it's a song. The laundry song that we sing. (singing) Uh-oh the laundry's done, uh-oh, uh-oh.
Rachel: Except it didn't. It happened to me. Oh, god, I'm gonna look like a big marshmallow peep. What am I doing? What am I doing? My father's right. I can't live on my own! I can't even do laundry!
Joey: All right, look, I'm not proud of this, ok? Well, maybe I am a little.
Chandler: Oh, I don't know, a million?
Phoebe: It's like a gift.