words in movies
JOEY: Alright open your eyes. [opens his eyes to see two black leather recliners and a big screen TV]
MONICA: Rose Marie really belongs on a smaller screen, doesn't she?
PHOEBE: OK, I can be a waitress, I can be a waitress.
MONICA: Really Phoebs? Because, you know, you'd have to be an actual waitress. This can't be like your 'I can be a bear cub' thing.
PHOEBE: I can be a waitress. OK watch this. Um, gimme two number ones, 86 the bacon, one Adam and Eve on a raft and rick'em, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, since the divorce, when anybody asks me how I am, it's always with a sympathetic head tilt. [demonstrating] 'How ya doin'? You OK?'
DR. BURKE: No no, it, it's fine, believe me. I do it too. I always answer with the 'I'm OK' head bob. [demonstrates] 'I'm OK.' [tilts head] 'You sure?' [bobs head] 'Yeah, I'm fine.' Hey listen, I've got to set up the music. I got a new CD changer, of course the divorce only left me with 4 CD's to change.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]
DR. BURKE: Only because my parents wanted me to be, I wanted to be a sherrif.
MONICA: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grown up.
MONICA: Phoebe, he's a friend of my parents. He's like 20 years older than me.
MONICA: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous eye age.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are returning from a movie.]
RACHEL: C'mon, I'm not saying it was a bad movie, I'm just saying, you know, it was a little. . . hard to follow.
RACHEL: Well it's not, honey I'm sorry, I guess I'm just nervous. I mean, it's you, ya know, it's us. I mean, we're crossing that line, sort of a big thing.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are watching a Miracle Wax info-mercial.]
CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it]
ROSS: Oh. Listen, have you ever been uh, you know, foolin' around with a girl and uh, she started laughin'?
JOEY: It certainly is a miracle.
RACHEL: Well, I was thinking maybe a um, a romantic dinner with um, candles and wine and then uh, maybe going back to my place for um, dessert.
[there's a loud bang at the door so Ross opens it back up to find a shoe has been thrown at it]
CHANDLER: Could you get us a couple of beers?
[He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss]
JOEY: [uses a dentist mirror to see] Naa, she's lyin'.
PHOEBE: You're not the only one who has a date tonight.
ROSS: What? You have a date? Who with?
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross is fixing a display, Rachel is waiting patiently.]
ROSS: Oh look, I can't believe this. Look, homo-habilus hasn't even learned how to use tools yet and they've got him here wi, with clay pots. Why don't, why don't they just give him a microwave? I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is taking so long, ya know, I, I, it's just it's longer than I expected, we will have dinner.
[Ross leaves to find Karl. Rachel takes a peek under the loincloth of one of the display models.]
DR. BURKE: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and everyting. Here. You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . .
MONICA: Oh, you're a grandpa.
MONICA: I don't know, maybe. I mean I'm dating a man who's pool I once peed in.
DR. BURKE: I didn't need to know that. I guess 21 years is a lot. I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older than you.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, it sure does. [they hug and it turns into a passionate kiss]
ROSS: [grabs a fur pelt] C'mon.
ROSS: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight. RACHEL: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight. [they kiss] ROSS: You're not laughing. RACHEL: This time it's not so funny. [They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.] RACHEL: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK. ROSS: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box. RACHEL: Oh, thank God. [Scene: Museum of Natural History. The next morning Rachel and Ross are sleeping in the display under a fur.] ROSS: Hi. RACHEL: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you. ROSS: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah. RACHEL: What? ROSS: We're not alone. [A church youth group is outside the display watching them] CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are still in their chairs, watching Beavis and Butthead.] [they're laughing along with the show when an alarm goes off] JOEY: Is that the fire alarm? CHANDLER: Yeah. [feels the floor] Oh it's not warm yet, we still have time. JOEY: Cool.
Rachel: That's right! 'Cause that would give him the control! So now he's all ooh, coming up with this whole I've got a party thing y'know, trying to get me to hint around for an invitation. Blew up in his face, didn't it?
Joey: Not a problem. And listen, hey! Since you're gonna be here for a while, why don'tI was thinking we uh, put your name on the answering machine.
Chandler: And people say you dont pay attention. No, this is a much better job. Its vice-president of a company that does data reconfiguration and statistical factoring for other companies.
Ross: Oh, yeah I know, I know, it's a lot of boxes, but again I really appreciate you guys letting me stay here.
Ross: (laughs as well, but for a different reason) Yeah, I didnt think of that.
Rachel: No, there's a party. There's a party. But the power, that is still up for grabs. You follow me?
(He gets up and gives Monica a rather passionate kiss as Rachel and Phoebe look on in amazement. After the kiss ends, Chandler suddenly realizes what he just did, so he decides to do something rather rash.)
Larry: (entering) A 98. I deducted 2 points because you are not wearing your chef's hat, and that is a Section 5 violation.
[Scene: A restaurant, Phoebe and Larry are having dinner.]
(He goes to the bathroom and Phoebe puts some pepper and salt on her food. With the salt she takes a bit and throws it over her left shoulder as she faces us.)
Monica: Right. Umm, listen since were-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Rosss mother
Chandler: Phoebe thinks you and Don are soul mates, and I dont believe in that kind of stuff. But then you two totally get along. So look, I wont stand in your way if you want to run off with Don and live in a house of cheese.
Chandler: You built a fort didn't ya?
Joey: Come on, Chandler, Ross is our friend. He needs us right now, so why don't you be a grown up and come and watch some TV in the fort!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Ross is working on his computer and Joey is making a lot of noise.]
(Joey starts playing with a toy alligator and has it attack him.)
Ross: I dont know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but theres this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.
Joey: All right, I guess I can hold out a little longer. Let's have a game.
Ross: (entering) Uh fellas, (Does the maneuver and gives them a double thumbs up, which Chandler returns as he closes the door.)
(There's a knock on the door and Monica answers it.)
Rachel: Don't let him in! I'm supposed to be at a regatta gala.
Rachel: What? What kind of a regatta gala starts at night?!
Monica: We have a ladle. (Gives him one.)
[Scene: The apartment in the listing, the guys are checking it out. There's one problem though, it's roughly the size of this computer screen. As they enter Joey lets out a whistle.]
Phoebe: Oh, no-no, this place is totally healthy! Thatthis milk is mine. I bought this today, 'cause I was thirsty for milk, y'know. (She takes a swig of it, but has to turn away from him as she makes a face to show that it has gone bad.) Okay, let's go!
Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big!
Larry: Well, I suppose I could give him a warning.
Chandler: Yes that was a nice place!
Chandler: Not a lot of closet space, but he can just hang his stuff out the window in a bag!
Joey: Y-y-yeah! (As they start to leave, Rachel pauses and steals a vase with flowers in it.) Yeah you do. (They exit.)
[Scene: Downstairs at Danny's party, Monica and Rachel are coming down the stairs and Rachel has on a coat to make it look as if she's just getting back. But just as they reach the landing they see Danny out in the hall talking to a guest, Rachel then quickly pulls Monica back up the stairs.]
Joey: Im sayin I see a difference.
Monica: I thought there wasn't a ball?
Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)
Chandler: No! I want a flabby gut and saggy man breasts!
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
The Doctor: You brought a carrot.
The Doctor: This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
Monica: Oh yes! I have it right here, on ice! (She takes a bag of ice out of her purse and hands it to the doctor.)
Rachel: You brought a carrot?!
Rachel: (We see a flashback as Rachel describes what happened.) All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh (The flashback shows that she kissed him on the cheek.)
Chandler: Yeah, just leave me alone for a while. (He goes into his apartment.)
Ross: Uh, don't you think that would be a little weird? I mean, two guys in a romantic inn...
(There's a knock on the door and Chandler gets up to answer it. He opens the door to reveal Monica with a turkey over her head.)
Chandler: Oh-oh, I'm a duck! I go, "Quack, quack!" Im happy all the time!
(She throws them into the kitchen and Rachel picks them up with the handle of a large spoon. Chandler and Monica have horrified looks on their faces.)
Joey: (reluctantly taking them) Chandler? A word.
Rachel: (waving them in his face) Take 'em! (Joey makes a noise and jumps out of the way.) Joey, you can touch them! They're your underwear.
Monica: (inspecting his leg) Wow! And around the ankles, y'know that is a tough spot.
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Joey enters with a menorah, the candles lit.]
Ross: So are you sure about this whole moving in thing?! I mean its a really big step! And-and whats the rush?!
Monica: We'll try to be more careful okay? It's just that, we don't want everyone to know because this is going really well, and maybe the reason it's going really well is because it's a secret.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters with her nose stuck in a book.]
Julie: I was thinking of doing it a little shorter, you know, like Andie McDowell's new haircut?
Chandler: I didn't know you were taking a class. That is so cool.
Ross: (in a stupor) Hey Chandler. (Sees Monica.) Monica!
Chandler: Ross, it's just a sandwich!
Phoebe: Yeah! Well, I really liked that Lamaze class I took! Y'know and this time I thought I'd go for something, y'know a little more intellectual, with a less painful final exam.
Phoebe: Okay, this will keep them away from your stuff. (Writes him a note and the gang reads it.)
Monica: Phoebe, you are a bad ass!
Monica: Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.)
Chandler: (grabbing the phone) Of course he has this big huge dog! That uh, barks into the night. (Listens.) Well, who doesn't love dogs? (Thinks.) Ah, he's a tap dancer! (Listens.) Yes, some would say that is a lost art. (Thinks.) He's a pimp! (Listens.) There you go! Yes, he's a pimp. He's a big, tap dancing pimp! (Pause.) Hello?
Ross: (quietly) That-that would be incredible. Thank you so much. I-I still can't believe someone ate it!! I mean, look, I left a note and everything.
The Teacher: Well, that's sort of a given, but yes. Anyone else?
Rachel: Umm, well I would have to say that it's a, it's tragic love story.
Phoebe: I think that uh, yours is a question with many answers.
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is returning from a date with Cynthia.]
Ross: Phoebe! You're note, amazing! Not only did no one touch my sandwich, but people at work are actually afraid of me. Yeah, a guy called me mental! Mental Geller, yeah, I always wanted a cool nickname like that.
Joey: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!
Rachel: Eh, Im just so sorry I put you through it. And, I y'know, I dont want to get back together over a machine.
Chandler: No-no, wait! There's got to be a better explanation. You can tell them you had to make an adult film for your (Thinks) adult film class.
Monica: Okay, just wait, please. I promise we'll come up with something. Just give us a little more time.
Dr. Leedbetter: (laughs) A sandwich?
Dr. Leedbetter: Umm, Ross. May I have a word with you?
Dr. Leedbetter: It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.
Ross: (getting upset) Oh-oh really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a Moist Maker?
[Cut to a shot of a park.]
Ross: Yeah. You see my-my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is, she puts a, an extra slice of gravy soaked bread in the middle; I call it the Moist Maker. Anyway, I-I put my sandwich in the fridge over here
Ross: MY SANDWICH!!!!!! (Ross's scream scares a flight of pigeons away.)
Chandler: No! That would be so awkward! LookBesides, we work in different departments. Hes on the sixth floor yknow? So he calls me Toby once in a while. Whats the big deal? It could be worse, its not like hes calling me Muriel. (Chandler suddenly freezes into place.)
Rachel: A cyborg?! Isn't that like a robot?!
Phoebe: Fine! Okay, all right, so Jane Eyre, first of all, you'd think she's a woman, but she's not. She's a cyborg.
Ross: I'm fine! I saw a psychiatrist at work today.
Monica: Ross, you were right before, it was just a stupid fight about a room.
Ross: He gave me a pill for it.
Monica: A pill?
Monica: Wait a minute, they're making you take time off work?
Ross: I don't know. It's going to be weird not having a job for a while, but I, I definitely don't care about my sandwich.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; Joey returns carrying a bucket of chicken, and starts going through the mail. While doing this, Monica's picture falls out. He bends over to pick it up and gasps. While he's staring at the picture, Rachel decides to come over and sees him looking at the picture.]
Rachel: Joey has got a secret peephole!
Rachel: Yes! He has a naked picture of Monica! He takes naked pictures of us! And then he eats chicken and looks at them!
PHOEBE: OK. Ooh, OK, you gotta give me a second, I wanna get this just right. [she sticks out her gut, clears her throat and sniffs her nose and then in her best male voice. . .] Dude, 11 o'clock, totally hot babe checkin' you out. That was really good, I think I'm ready for my penis now.
Phoebe: All right, wait! Just wait. Everybody just calm down. Okay? Let's give our friend Joey a chance to explain why he's such a big pervert!
Joey: No! I am not a pervert! Okay? It's just I just Kinda
Monica: It's okay! It's good! It's good. It's a disease!
Joey: No! No! I am not a sex addict!
Joey: No! If anyone's a sex addict here, it's Monica! Yeah. Yeah. She has been trying to get me back in the sack ever since London!
Monica: I guess I wanted to keep it (Pause) as a souvenir.
Phoebe: So that's why she gave you a naked picture of herself.
Phoebe: I really thought you making a good point. I mean y'know, until you got cut off.