words in movies
JOEY: Alright open your eyes. [opens his eyes to see two black leather recliners and a big screen TV]
MONICA: Rose Marie really belongs on a smaller screen, doesn't she?
PHOEBE: OK, I can be a waitress, I can be a waitress.
MONICA: Really Phoebs? Because, you know, you'd have to be an actual waitress. This can't be like your 'I can be a bear cub' thing.
PHOEBE: I can be a waitress. OK watch this. Um, gimme two number ones, 86 the bacon, one Adam and Eve on a raft and rick'em, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, since the divorce, when anybody asks me how I am, it's always with a sympathetic head tilt. [demonstrating] 'How ya doin'? You OK?'
DR. BURKE: No no, it, it's fine, believe me. I do it too. I always answer with the 'I'm OK' head bob. [demonstrates] 'I'm OK.' [tilts head] 'You sure?' [bobs head] 'Yeah, I'm fine.' Hey listen, I've got to set up the music. I got a new CD changer, of course the divorce only left me with 4 CD's to change.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]
DR. BURKE: Only because my parents wanted me to be, I wanted to be a sherrif.
MONICA: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grown up.
MONICA: Phoebe, he's a friend of my parents. He's like 20 years older than me.
MONICA: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous eye age.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are returning from a movie.]
RACHEL: C'mon, I'm not saying it was a bad movie, I'm just saying, you know, it was a little. . . hard to follow.
RACHEL: Well it's not, honey I'm sorry, I guess I'm just nervous. I mean, it's you, ya know, it's us. I mean, we're crossing that line, sort of a big thing.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are watching a Miracle Wax info-mercial.]
CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it]
ROSS: Oh. Listen, have you ever been uh, you know, foolin' around with a girl and uh, she started laughin'?
JOEY: It certainly is a miracle.
RACHEL: Well, I was thinking maybe a um, a romantic dinner with um, candles and wine and then uh, maybe going back to my place for um, dessert.
[there's a loud bang at the door so Ross opens it back up to find a shoe has been thrown at it]
CHANDLER: Could you get us a couple of beers?
[He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss]
JOEY: [uses a dentist mirror to see] Naa, she's lyin'.
PHOEBE: You're not the only one who has a date tonight.
ROSS: What? You have a date? Who with?
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross is fixing a display, Rachel is waiting patiently.]
ROSS: Oh look, I can't believe this. Look, homo-habilus hasn't even learned how to use tools yet and they've got him here wi, with clay pots. Why don't, why don't they just give him a microwave? I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is taking so long, ya know, I, I, it's just it's longer than I expected, we will have dinner.
[Ross leaves to find Karl. Rachel takes a peek under the loincloth of one of the display models.]
DR. BURKE: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and everyting. Here. You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . .
MONICA: Oh, you're a grandpa.
MONICA: I don't know, maybe. I mean I'm dating a man who's pool I once peed in.
DR. BURKE: I didn't need to know that. I guess 21 years is a lot. I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older than you.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, it sure does. [they hug and it turns into a passionate kiss]
ROSS: [grabs a fur pelt] C'mon.
ROSS: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight. RACHEL: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight. [they kiss] ROSS: You're not laughing. RACHEL: This time it's not so funny. [They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.] RACHEL: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK. ROSS: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box. RACHEL: Oh, thank God. [Scene: Museum of Natural History. The next morning Rachel and Ross are sleeping in the display under a fur.] ROSS: Hi. RACHEL: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you. ROSS: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah. RACHEL: What? ROSS: We're not alone. [A church youth group is outside the display watching them] CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are still in their chairs, watching Beavis and Butthead.] [they're laughing along with the show when an alarm goes off] JOEY: Is that the fire alarm? CHANDLER: Yeah. [feels the floor] Oh it's not warm yet, we still have time. JOEY: Cool.
Ross: It was pretty funny when I, when I hid it for a while, huh? Anyway, umm, I-I am worried about that bathing suit, not because its revealing which Im fine with, no Im concerned about your health, sun exposure.
Ross: So uh, have a great time down there.
Elizabeth: Ross, its going to be okay. Im not going down there to hook up with a bunch of guys. I really like you. I like how things are going between us.
(A group of about 10 guys and no women come running around the corner.)
Chandler: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didnt get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.
Joey: Man, she is going to have a great time! Is she staying at the Hotel Corona?
Rachel: I wanna say a disease.
Phoebe: Dont worry about me, Im a robot! Im just a machine!!
Rachel: Joey, what are you talking about? Youre a terrific actor.
Phoebe: Oh, I want to look too! (She runs over and sits down and checks out a picture). Yikes!
Ross: Really?! (To Rachel) Hey, yknow what? Since you have such a great sense of what I need, uh ooh, heres-heres 60 bucks, why dont you take Phoebe down to that Colonial flea market of yours and get me some stuff.
Joey: (there's a gunshot on TV) There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..." (Does the smell-the-fart look.)
Joey: Uhh, because I'm shooting a scene right now. Yeah, I uh, I play a gladiator. Uh, y'know what? Hold-hold on a second. (To no one in particular) Can we cut? Yeah, my-my friends are here, I'm gonna take a little break.
Ross: Wait a minute, are you doing that thing where you pretend it didnt go well but it really did go well?
[The next flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. Monica is at a job interview at a new restaurant.]
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up.)
Ross: MY SANDWICH!!!!!! (Ross's scream scares a flight of pigeons away.)
Dr. Leedbetter: It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.
Joey: I want this part so much! Yknow? If I dont get this part Im never gonna eat Macaroni and Cheese again!No, I didnt say that! Thats a lie.
[Cut to a shot of a park.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Chandler are playing foosball and Joey scores a goal.]
Joey: Over the line?! You-youre-youre so far past the line, that you-you cant even see the line! The line is a dot to you!
Joey: I was tryin to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what Im gonna do?
Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didnt think big enough to fit a grown man!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, dont hold back. (He dons his protective helmet (Why, I have no clue.) and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)
[Scene: The park, Rachel's running by herself and panting. After a little while she decides to run like Phoebe.]
Monica: Oh, stop beating yourself up! People make mistakes! These things happen! There arent any message youve forgotten to give me are there? (Chandler has a disgusted look on his face.) Apparently youre not very good at it! I
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Ross are at a newsstand.]
Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, its not that common! It doesnt happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering with a peace offering of a Joey Special, two pizzas.]
Chandler: You are gonna be a huge star! Im gonna hug ya!
Joey: Yeah, youre right. Okay look, listen, lets talk about what a huge star Im gonna be!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Phoebe are reading a scene from Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Ross: Thatll be a neat trick, when youre, (looks at the script) when youre dead!
Phoebe: I thought you were excellent! In fact for a minute there I was like, "Ooh, whered Ross go?"
(Liam and Devon both take a swig of their beers, while Ross takes a swig of his coffee. The Brits both crush their cans, and not to be out done, Ross crushes his coffee cup, spilling its contents.)
Monica: (To Chandler) You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?!
Rachel: Oh, wait and on the nineteenth a secret crush announces itself.
Rachel: Op, but the twelfth brings a lovers spat.
(Phoebe has already hung up, leaving Joey in the dark. So Joey decides to watch some TV and turns on a rerun of Cheers, with the theme song playing. At first, hes happy, but as the song progresses Joey gets depressed and homesick.)
Janine: Its a curling iron.
Joey: But I got to act with a robot Pheebs, and-and I dont know anything about technology! I cant even use Chandlers computer except to find porn! And-and thats only cause its right there when you turn it on!
Phoebe: (in a sexy voice to Chandler) Ill be waiting.
Monica: I think our lovers spat will start a little early this month.
Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! Youre not Elizabeths dad?!
The Producer: Im sorry, why dont we do that right now? Hes right here. (Points to a guy.)
C.H.E.E.S.E.: (Wayne with a computerized voice) Nice to meet you Mac!
Joey: Well, I-I just, I just it was going to be like a really cool robot, yknow? Like the terminator or uh, when I first saw you.
Paul: Why cant you get a girlfriend your own age?
Chandler: Theres a Mr. Bing!
Paul: I get that a lot.
Ross: Okay umm, why dont we all take a seat, yknow? And uh, and Ill get us all some uh some coffees(He goes to pull out Elizabeths chair, but Paul steps in)Yeah, why dont you. (Paul pulls out her chair) Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Yknow? Whatever pops into your head. (He turns his back to Paul and Elizabeth and points to himself for Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe. Then he goes to order the coffee.)
Joey: Yes!! Ha-ha!! All right! Hey! How cool would it be if you could watch like a real life-sized version of this? Huh? I mean how crazy would that be?
Phoebe: No, no-no, she was a human lady. This is the spirit of my Mom Lily, the one who killed herself.
Paul: I had a sister.
Monica: And hes a great brother!
Paul: A part of him did yes.
Phoebe: (writing frantically) You guys, Im sorry, could you please talk a little slower?
MONICA: Please, when he left town you stayed in your pajamas for a month and I saw you eat a cheeseburger.
Rachel: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.
Rachel: Oh no! Yes! Of course, I know that! I justI meant yknow are you still a We or are you just You?
Ross: Oh God, thank you! (Runs and gives all of them a group hug.) Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens Id like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.
Joey: Pretty great! Except I did get a little attitude from the robot.
Joey: I may have to, I hate to do it, but Im the star! Yknow? Theres a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor. (His cell phone rings) Excuse me. (Answers it, on phone) Joey Tribbiani.
Rachel: Look, I cannot do this right now, okay, Ive got a deadline, would you just go home, Ill talk to you later. (storms out)
Rachel: Ross look, look this is good for you. Okay? Lets face it, so far the guys not lovin ya! But I can turn that around! I got the inside track! We can all go out to dinner, yknow? And I can talk you up! Ross, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer!
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isnt happy.) Youre roommate in college died didnt he?
Kristen: But-but this block is like a whole other world.
Rachel: Oh no, my dad's a doctor and he would always tell me just horror stories (stops and tries to change directions) about ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess's right to smoke.
Joey: Thanks, but I kinda have a problem to deal with here.
Monica: Well yknow Joey, youre a pretty charming guy.
Joey: Thats not a bad idea. Yeah. Okay, but if I got to turn on the charm tomorrow Im not wasting anymore of it over here with you guys. (Starts to leave, but stops and turns to Phoebe.) Well, actually I got a little bit saved for you Pheebs. (Exits.)
Monica: (writing on a piece of paper) Phyllis is sitting in a chair.
Rachel: No! Downstairs! And we got to talking yknow, for like two hours, and I really liked him so I invited him up here for a cup of coffee.
Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross and Rachel are on their double date. Rachel is busy talking Ross up.]
Elizabeth: What a nice story!
Paul: So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom.
Ross: Yknow actually it does have a very interesting history. Uh, this street is the first street in the city to have an underground sewer system. (Kristen crinkles her nose at that.) Before that sewage and waste would just flow right down the street. Yeah, sometimes ankle deep! (He stops when he realizes what hes talking about.)
Monica: All right, that Ill retract. But I stand by my review, I know food and that wasnt it. Youre marinara sauce tasted like tomato juice! You should serve it with vodka and a piece of celery.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at a table and Phoebe is on the couch. Chandler and Monica can be seen outside, shes lecturing him, and pushes him inside. He then nods to Rachel, and is obviously counting off the seconds in his head and then Monica makes a grand enterance.]
Paul: You have a son?
Ross: (to Paul) Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasnt as bad as-as
Monica: Yeah and if I had seven, maybe I wouldve said something like this, "Wow! My boyfriends such a wise assseven!"
(Monica picks up one of those boxes of hair curling things, dumps it in a box, and storms out.)
Ross: Oh, I-I don't know, it's kind of expensive for a studio.
Chandler: (To Monica) I told you I should not wear this color. (Hes wearing a reddish-orange sweater.)
Ross: Well, y'know, monogamy can be a, uh, tricky concept. I mean, anthropologically speaking-
(Theres a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Wayne.)
Joey: Apparently, theres like a million guys out there that can play Mac, and theres only this one robot and this one guy who controls it! I didnt know he could get me fired! What am I going to do?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel is still trying to talk up Ross, not to much success.]
Rachel: Now wait a minute thats not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didnt tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)
Ross: Yeah, I-I really do. (takes a dinosaur mug out of the box) Hey! This-this was a gift?!
Rachel: Oh! Ive got a lot of those too!
Ross: Oh, come on you guys; thats funny! Yknow? Because hes needhes got like a hearing aide yknow, cause-cause yknow, cause hes all old, and
Paul: And anyhow, Im sorry I was so harsh before, but you have to understand that I (pause) still look at Lizzie like shes a twelve-year-old girl.
Ross: Maybe hes just jumping on a pogo-stick and really likes it?
Ross: Oh no-no, after you. (She grabs a chair and heads upstairs.) (When shes gone.) Oh my God! (He drops the box and Chandler cant pick it up.)
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)