words in movies
JOEY: Alright open your eyes. [opens his eyes to see two black leather recliners and a big screen TV]
MONICA: Rose Marie really belongs on a smaller screen, doesn't she?
PHOEBE: OK, I can be a waitress, I can be a waitress.
MONICA: Really Phoebs? Because, you know, you'd have to be an actual waitress. This can't be like your 'I can be a bear cub' thing.
PHOEBE: I can be a waitress. OK watch this. Um, gimme two number ones, 86 the bacon, one Adam and Eve on a raft and rick'em, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, since the divorce, when anybody asks me how I am, it's always with a sympathetic head tilt. [demonstrating] 'How ya doin'? You OK?'
DR. BURKE: No no, it, it's fine, believe me. I do it too. I always answer with the 'I'm OK' head bob. [demonstrates] 'I'm OK.' [tilts head] 'You sure?' [bobs head] 'Yeah, I'm fine.' Hey listen, I've got to set up the music. I got a new CD changer, of course the divorce only left me with 4 CD's to change.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]
DR. BURKE: Only because my parents wanted me to be, I wanted to be a sherrif.
MONICA: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grown up.
MONICA: Phoebe, he's a friend of my parents. He's like 20 years older than me.
MONICA: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous eye age.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are returning from a movie.]
RACHEL: C'mon, I'm not saying it was a bad movie, I'm just saying, you know, it was a little. . . hard to follow.
RACHEL: Well it's not, honey I'm sorry, I guess I'm just nervous. I mean, it's you, ya know, it's us. I mean, we're crossing that line, sort of a big thing.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are watching a Miracle Wax info-mercial.]
CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it]
ROSS: Oh. Listen, have you ever been uh, you know, foolin' around with a girl and uh, she started laughin'?
JOEY: It certainly is a miracle.
RACHEL: Well, I was thinking maybe a um, a romantic dinner with um, candles and wine and then uh, maybe going back to my place for um, dessert.
[there's a loud bang at the door so Ross opens it back up to find a shoe has been thrown at it]
CHANDLER: Could you get us a couple of beers?
[He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss]
JOEY: [uses a dentist mirror to see] Naa, she's lyin'.
PHOEBE: You're not the only one who has a date tonight.
ROSS: What? You have a date? Who with?
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross is fixing a display, Rachel is waiting patiently.]
ROSS: Oh look, I can't believe this. Look, homo-habilus hasn't even learned how to use tools yet and they've got him here wi, with clay pots. Why don't, why don't they just give him a microwave? I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is taking so long, ya know, I, I, it's just it's longer than I expected, we will have dinner.
[Ross leaves to find Karl. Rachel takes a peek under the loincloth of one of the display models.]
DR. BURKE: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and everyting. Here. You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . .
MONICA: Oh, you're a grandpa.
MONICA: I don't know, maybe. I mean I'm dating a man who's pool I once peed in.
DR. BURKE: I didn't need to know that. I guess 21 years is a lot. I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older than you.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, it sure does. [they hug and it turns into a passionate kiss]
ROSS: [grabs a fur pelt] C'mon.
ROSS: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight. RACHEL: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight. [they kiss] ROSS: You're not laughing. RACHEL: This time it's not so funny. [They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.] RACHEL: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK. ROSS: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box. RACHEL: Oh, thank God. [Scene: Museum of Natural History. The next morning Rachel and Ross are sleeping in the display under a fur.] ROSS: Hi. RACHEL: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you. ROSS: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah. RACHEL: What? ROSS: We're not alone. [A church youth group is outside the display watching them] CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are still in their chairs, watching Beavis and Butthead.] [they're laughing along with the show when an alarm goes off] JOEY: Is that the fire alarm? CHANDLER: Yeah. [feels the floor] Oh it's not warm yet, we still have time. JOEY: Cool.
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
Joey: No, no. He said "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?"
Ross: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him.
(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)
Paolo: Ah, poke (Paolo touches Rachel's nose) a (touches nose again) nose, mmm (they rub noses, then kisses her)
Ross: Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door.
Chandler: (to Ross) Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal!
Monica: Yeah, that's a big step.
Joey: Need a new table.
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame)
Phoebe: (at window) Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler use their knees as a table to support the lasagna.]
Chandler: What rule? There's no rule, if anything, you owe me a table!
Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?
Chandler: It's just that we bought a hibachi together, and then he ran off and got married, and things got pretty ugly.
Joey: Well, let me ask you something, was Kip a better roommate than me?
Ross: Hey, if they have a ball maybe you can stick razor blades in it and teach them a new game, Gonna Need Stitches Ball.
...My mother's ashes Even her eyelashes Are resting in a little yellow jar, And sometimes when it's breezy...
Ross: Dad dad, please! As I was saying umm, Im Dr. Ross Geller. Uhh, and Im the best man. And uh, this marriage is doubly special for me umm, because not only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister. And, shes the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if youd all please join me in raising a glass to the, the couple were here to celebrate. (Everyone does so.) To the Bings.
PHOEBE: It's a Wonderful Life. Yes I've heard of this.
Phoebe: Well, he made a move on me.
Ross: Well, like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived! (Ross takes the loosely tied tie off and hands it to Joey who puts it on.) Here.
Phoebe: Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until. (A flashback starts Paolo, lying on massage table, moving his hands up Phoebe's legs.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head)
Joey: Will you pick one, just pick one! Here, how about that one? (points to a table)
Phoebe: I don't even have a 'pl'.
Phoebe: Um, um, Rachel can we talk for a sec?
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies
Phoebe: Paolo made a pass at me.
[We see a shot of Jack drinking condensed milk on the couch.]
Rachel: Oh, God, he's such a pig,
Phoebe: Oh he's like a...
Phoebe: ...like a...
Phoebe: Such a pig!
Phoebe: I'm telling you! Oh, okay! This is the part of the musical where there'd be a really good convincing song. (Singing) "Bam-bam, don't take no for an answer. Bam-bam, don't let love fly away. Bam-bam-bam-bam..."
(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)
Jake: Yeah that would be great! Let me make sure Im not doing anything Tuesday. (He bends over to open his bag, when he does so his pants slide down his butt revealing a pink lace secret.)
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
(Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then embrace in a more passionate kiss.)
Rachel: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to figure out what I want
Rachel: Uh...no. No, no, in fact, you're not having a boy.
Ross: I'm having a son. Um...
Ross: Uh, no, no, see, because not...not all guys are going to be a Paolo.
Joey: (on phone) Mom, so what did you think? (He walks away allowing the gang a chance to figure out what theyre gonna say.)
Ross: I'm having a boy! Oh, I'm having a boy!
Ross: I'm having a boy! I-I'm having a boy!
Girls: Yes, you're having a boy! (Monica runs over and hugs Ross)
Ross: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling) Huh, am I having a boy?
Phoebe: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower.
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a change.
Roger: Oh, just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy issues. Y'know, that you use your humour as a way of keeping people at a distance.
Rachel: Shhhhh! Phoebe! All right, look. I have a little thing for him.
Chandler: Pheebs, were not giving you a deposit for our wedding!
Mr. Tribbiani: Remember when you were a little kid, I used to take you to the navy yard and show you the big ships?
Phoebe: I dont. He got he-he-he-hes hit by a bus.
Rachel: Did you not get a good enough look the other day?
Chandler: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that guy.
Chandler: (browsing through a diary) Uh, let's see, who do I hate?
(They notice that a woman is sitting by their door)
Mr. Tribbiani: Her name's Ronni. She's a pet mortician.
Ronni: That's a good one!
Chandler: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk?
Joey: If you go to a hotel you'll be...doing stuff. I want you right here where I can keep an eye on you.
Mr. Tribbiani: We'll go to a hotel.
Ronni: (Shrugs) We'll go to a hotel.
Ronni: Thanks. You're, uh, you're a good kid.
Monica: Oh! So you think I'm a failure!
Joey: Okay. Now this is just for tonight. Starting tomorrow, you gotta make a change. This has gone on long enough.
Joey: Uhhhh.... he's not even wearing a jockstrap!
Ross: You tryin' to be clever? A funny lady?
Joey: Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking...
Joey: (Runs out in a towel) What's the matter with you?!
Mr. Tribbiani: No, it's only been six years. I just wanted to put a nice memory in your head so you'd know that I wasn't always such a terrible guy. ...Joe. Y'ever been in love?
Rachel: All right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a dream that, uh, you and I, were...
Phoebe: It's, I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's my friends. They-they have a liking problem with you. In that, um, they don't.
Lecturer: Were beginning to see a lot of layering of sheer fabrics and colours. For instance a sheer navy blouse over a pink....
Mrs. Tribbiani: Do you remember how your father used to be? Always yelling, always yelling nothing made him happy, nothing made him happy, not that wood shop, not those stupid little ships in the bottle, nothing. Now he's happy! I mean, it's nice, he has a hobby.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Both of them sitting on the couch, interviewing a nanny candidate.]
Phoebe: Well, I think that shirt makes you look like you should work at a Baskin Robbins... Anyway... Hey, isn't Joey's agent Estelle Leonard?
Rachel: Just think, in a couple of years we get to turn into them.
Joey: Yeah, I guess. It's just parents, after a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you've gotta let them make their own mistakes.
Phoebe: I don't know, I mean, he's a good person, and he can be really sweet, and in some ways I think he is so right for me, it's just... I hate that guy!
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI don't think we need a third...
Phoebe: Oh no, I am mad at you. I know that much. But, I am sorry about the fat ass thing. You actually have a very sweet little hiney.
Monica: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do.
Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?
Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]
Chandler: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a...
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window.
Phoebe: But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see. They don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff. They just think you're a little...
Phoebe: I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.