words in movies
[Scene: A beauty parlour, Rachel is getting a manicure while Chandler, yes Chandler, is getting a petticure (Does that scare you that I know those terms? Well, it scares me.).]
Rachel: Chandler, theres a guy right over there. (Points to the counter)
Chandler: Thats a mailman! Thats our mailman! (Waves to the mailman) (Sarcastic) Hi. How are ya?
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]
Monica: Joey let me ask you a question. What does this light switch do?
Monica: Didnt it drive you crazy to have a switch and not know what it did?
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
[Scene: A street, Ross and Emily are walking home from a date.]
Ross: Oh hey, that was a good one, huh? (Imitating himself) Help! Help!
Liam: In fact were playing a game at the park tomorrow. Youre welcome to play too if you want.
(Liam and Devon both take a swig of their beers, while Ross takes a swig of his coffee. The Brits both crush their cans, and not to be out done, Ross crushes his coffee cup, spilling its contents.)
Janice: Oh, look at us! Who wouldve thought that Cupid had a station at 14th Street Nails. (Does the laugh)
Chandler: (laughs) Okay, we have to talk. Im just getting out of a very serious relationship
Janice: I know! And Im just getting out of a marriage, I mean talk about meant to be!
Chandler: Okay, could you just stop talking for a second? (Thinks) Yemen. Thats right, yes, Im being transferred to Yemen!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are plugging in a bunch of electronics.]
Monica: Yeah, well, Im using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. (She flips on the switch and a hum starts.) I hear something! I hear something! Where is it? (They all start looking until Rachel realises its Joey.)
Ross: Oh, just hold on a second. Im watching this rugby thing on ESPN. I dont know what the big deal is. Im man enough to play this sport.
Joey: Ohhhh, good one! And Yemen that actually sounds like a real country.
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, Im gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. Its a real space saver.
Joey: (pointing to the TV) Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. Thats called a scrum, okay? Its kinda like a huddle.
Ross: And is a hum, kinda like a scruddle?
Rachel: (starts laughing, Ross stares at her) Im sorry. Im sorry. Youre right, you are a tough guy. Youre the toughest palaeontologist I know.
Ross: Look, dont worry about me. Okay? Ill just stay real energetic and stay away from the ball. Ill uh, Ill be that guy right out of the circle. (He points to a player who starts running and then gets viscously tackled from behind.)
Rachel: Oh, well maybe there was a dog lookin at him.
(A player comes over and picks up a ball in front of Phoebe.)
Emily: Liam, do me a favour. Tell the lads to go easy on Ross, its his first time.
(Ross walks over to the scrum, walks around a bit looking for a way to get into the scrum.)
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, no. No, no, no, I just, I just need a pretend ticket.
Chandler: What would you give to a kid if he wanted a ticket to play with?
Ticket Counter Attendant: Are you travelling with a child?
Chandler: No. All right, yknow what, shes (Points to Janice) gonna think that Im handing you a credit card, but what Im really gonna do is hand you a library card.
Ticket Counter Attendant: Ah, sir a ticket to Yemen is $2,100 and we dont take library cards.
Ross: (to Emily) Hey, could you do me a favour? Could you just grab me a bottle of water?
Ross: No, God no! That is no place for a woman. Those guys will grab anything.
Emily: No. Thats not what Im saying. I just may know a few things that might help you inflict some pain.
Emily: Yeah? Listen closely, Devon has got a weak ankle.
Emily: And that big bloke with the beard, he has got a trick hip. Yeah. And uh, and David over there, I heard he doesnt wear a cup.
Emily: And uh, Liam, Liams got bad knees. You hit him right and hell go down like a lamp.
Ross: Im gonna go get him! Okay, I am going back in! (Squeals like a madman.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica is reading a book as Rachel returns.]
Rachel: (noticing a bunch of pictures around the door that werent there originally.) What-what are-what are these?
(Rachel rips one of the wall and finds a huge hole underneath.)
(Rachel rips off another one, revealing another hole. Rachel then moves onto a third one, but this one doesnt have a hole underneath it.)
(Rachel looks at it and then throws it away. She then removes a fourth one, revealing a third hole.)
Monica: Okay, but there is a wire back there! I mean that switch is connected to something!
Monica: No. It disappears back there behind that baseboard. For a minute there, I thought it went downstairs.
(Rachel removes a paper on the floor which is covering a hole and gasps.)
Phoebe: Now, are you sure you dont want to go see a doctor?
Ross: Oh no! That-thatll just bring me down! This was great! I mean I-I-I was great! This is a great day! Yknow what? Im buying everyone coffee. All right? If someone would just grab my wallet, its in my pocket.
Joey: Uhh, look, your eyes still popping out a little, Im gonna go get some ice.
Ross: I made a man twice my size cry. I mean, I havent done that since I was four and I washed my dads Porsche with rocks.
Ross: Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody noseI mean I-Im not proud of it but, I really am. And its all because of you, wonderful, amazing you.
Ticket Counter Attendant: (on the P.A.) This is the final boarding call for Flight 664 to Yemen.
Monica: All right. The super couldnt figure out what it did. A $200 an hour electrician couldnt figure out what it did. Ive had seven pretty serious shocks. I officially give up.
Joey: Ive got a science question.
Rachel: Or. We could put a hat on his head.
Monica: A hat! Yes! We need a hat.
Monica: Because hell know what to do? (Rachel comes out of her room with a bear thats dressed in a rain suit.) Oh my God, youre a genius!
Monica: Where are we gonna find a tiny little hat?
Joey: Id really prefer a mountain bike.
Rachel: We need a hat..
Chandler: Hey! Hold on a minute, hold on a second. Do you think these pearls are nice?
Phoebe: I dont know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I dont know how you fight that.
PHOEBE: And he's going to be paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball on top.
Phoebe: (turning around and picking a cup off of a table) Oh, hey, look, I found coffee! (handing her the cup) Okay, lets skedaddle.
Chandler: Thats a good idea, Dear Janice have a Hubba-Bubba birthday. I would like to get her something serious.
Monica: Here. Ben, do you wanna play the airplane game, do you wanna show Rachel? Come here. (takes Ben) Were gonna do something fun. Okay. (throws Ben up in the air a little bit and catches him) Weee!! (moves into the living room and does it again) Weee!! (starts to walk back into the kitchen as she does it again, and hits Bens head on that wooden beam across the ceiling.)
Rachel: Oh yeah! Y'know, if its not a headboard, its just not worth it.
Rachel: Come on, its a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasnt smoked since.
Chandler: (giving her a bag) Here.
Phoebe: (in a deep voice, imitating Ross) Um, Rachel Im really sorry. (imitating Rachel) Thats okay, do you wanna get back together? (imitating Ross) Yeah, okay. (in her normal voice) Did anyone else hear that?!
[Ross enters behind Rachel, and look at each other for a moment.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is waiting for Janice to arrive, and is angrily fllipping through a magazine.]
Rachel: Well maybe hes just taking a nap.
Joey: Hey uh, whats a matter?
Joey: Well, now we got a reason.
Joey: They have a kid together, y'know. Theyre like, theyre like a family, and if, I dont know, theres chance they could make that work, I know I wouldnt want to be the guy who stood in the way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, come poke a nude guy?
Rachel: Are you, are you, are you sure its ah, a new bump? I mean, no offense, Ive always thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy headed child.
Ross: Oh, and also, hes, hes walkin kind of funny, his left leg is moving a lot faster than his right leg, and hes in there just sort of y'know... (walks around in a circle)
Phoebe: (in a coy tone) Oh, you caught me. I am so busted.
Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I dont wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y'know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y'know Youre the reason, you are the reason why their not together. and I hated that guy. And it didnt matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.
Rachel: Okay. Okay honey, hes fine, hes fine, lets just put him down. Come here, Ben. (sets him on the couch) See thats a good boy. (to Monica) How could you do that to him!! Ross trusted me, what is he going to say?!
Phoebe: Im telling you hes dead. What we are about to have here is a dead fat guy on a stick.
Ross: Can we please focus here, a naked mans life hangs in the balance!
[The video is a very dramatic episode with an obviously dubbed voice for Phoebe. Everyone watches in disbeliefe]
Chandler and Phoebe: Ill be a fool for you. Im sure, you know I dont mind.
The Guys: (reacting to a play) Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Awww!
Joey: Hey, who wants to ah, throw the ball around a little, maybe get a little three on three going?
(Monica enters, wearing a walkman, so she doesn't hear what the others say)
Monica: Well, every, every Thanksgiving um, we used to have a touch football game called the Geller Bowl.
Rachel: Um, there was a Geller Cup?
Monica: Well yknow, Im just-Im just worried that bosses will see them and think they pay you too much money. Or! Or your assistant will see them and-and want a raise!
Monica: Y'know what, I think we should play a game. I mean come on, its been twelve years.
(they walk over to the sink and discuss it for a moment)
Chandler: But wait a minute though, how are we gonna get there, though, because my Mom wont let me cross the street.
Ross: Can I see you for a second?
PHOEBE: (singing angrily) Terry's a jerk, and he won't let me work, and I hate Central Perk!
Chandler: Hey-hey-hey. So what happened? A forest tick you off?
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
Ross: Oww!! Son of a...!! Ow! Come on!
Monica: (on phone) Uh, Michelle. Yeah, that was me, I-I dialed your number by mistake. (listens) Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah, we were a great couple. I know I really miss him. Well, you know how it is, it's that....
Woman: (in a foreign accent) You are playing American football?
(Monica throws the ball over Joeys head, its stopped from rolling away by a very beautiful woman.)
Joey: Yeah! Wow, your like from a whole other country.
Chandler: Whoa-ho, whoa! No, I was thinking about y'know for me, as a part of that whole getting over Janice thing you were talking about.
RACHEL: Ok Ross, just so you know, calling it a poopie diaper doesn't make this process any cuter.
Chandler: Thanks. What, let me have her?! What do mean? Like if you didnt I wouldnt have a shot?
Phoebe: Oh hi Rita! Good! (to Mike) Oh, Rita's a massage client.
Phoebe: Well, okay, I made a touchdown. It was my first touchdown. So?
(Phoebe runs and scores a touchdown.)
Ross: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. And sweetie..
Chandler: Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by four?
(A long football sequence follows.)
[Sequence 1: Monica throws the ball over Chandlers head to Joey who catches it for a touchdown, and starts to dance in celebration. Chandler then tackles him, and he starts to dance in celebration.]
[Sequence 3: Chandler throws a pass to Ross, who catches it. Phoebe starts screaming and runs up to him and tries to tackle him. But all she ends up doing is running around his waist and screaming.]
[cut to Ross who walks up to Rachel who is eating a baked pretzel.]
Phoebe: (on phone, in 'Katelynn's' voice) 'Hi, I have Phoebe Buffay returning a page. Okay, well, um, she's in her car I'll have to patch you through.'
Joey: A dreamless sleep.
Joey: Somehow they got the idea that you only invited them because of me. They feel a little unwanted.
[Sequence 5: Monica hands the ball off to Phoebe, who runs up field and delivers a fore-arm shiver to Chandler, knocking him over and scores the touchdown, and she yells...]
[Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a pass. Ross runs over and pulls her pants down, steps in front of her and intercepts the pass.]
(Ross makes a Yeah. Right. sound.)
Monica: Oh, then bring it on! Oh, unless of course your afraid you might lose to a bunch of girls.
Monica: Come on Rach, come on. Lets see whats it like to be on a winning team for a change.
Chandler: No ah, hold on a second Joe, where do Dutch people come from?
Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! She obviously didnt understand the question.
Joey: Nice going. You just saved yourself a couple months of sex.
Phoebe: Oh my God! You dated someone with a glass eye too?!
[Sequence 3: Chandler is running with the ball, Phoebe flashes him again, but Chandler covers his eyes, and keeps running. He then runs into a tree at the end of the field.]
Monica: Honey, theres a reason.
Rachel: (in triumph) I got a touchdown! We did it!!
Phoebe: Here. (gives him a fire extinguisher) Y'know, just in case.
Rachel: We should defiantly play football more often. Maybe theres a like league we could join or something.
Frank: Yeah, I was thinking that maybe we could go down to Time Square and pick up some ninja stars. And, oh, um, my friend Larry, he wants me to take a picture of a hooker.
Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!
Monica: Let go! Im a tiny little woman!!
[Scene: The hallway of Rosss building, there is a Brown Bird girl selling cookies, as Ross and Chandler come up the stairs.]
MONICA: Joey, you know, maybe your just not used to kissing men, maybe you just tensed up a little, maybe that's what you need to work on.
Chandler: Excuse me little one, I have a very solid backhand.
Monica: Maybe a Hello Kitty doll, the ability to walk...
Monica: You broke a little girls leg?!!
Joey: What? Me having a job?
Rachel: Gunther, Gunther, please, Ive worked here for two and a half years, I know the empty trays go over there. (points to the counter.)
Rachel: Gee, I always heard them talk about that, I just always thought that it was a club they went to. Oh God, Im, Im sorry. (walks away)
Monica: Used to work with her. Used to! Im a relative and I didnt get invited! A blood relative! Blood!!
[Scene: Sarahs bedroom, her room is decorated with a space motif.]
Ross: So, this must be kinda neat for ya, huh? I mean, your Dad tells me that you get a couple of days off school, and you, you ah, dont have to sell those cookies anymore.
Sarah: Well, I kinda wanted to sell the cookies. The girl who sells the most wins a trip to Spacecamp, and gets to sit in a real space shuttle.
Ross: Oh shoot, tomorrows not so good, Im supposed to um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.
Margha: I now find you shallow and um, a dork. All right, bye.
Sarah: Five dollars a box.
Sarah: A ten speed bike. But, Id rather have something my Dad couldnt sell.
Ross: Shielding your face and shrieking like a girl... is not a backhand.
[Scene: A hallway, Ross is selling Brown Bird cookies for Sarah, he stops and knocks on a door.]