words in movies
[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]
Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
Carol: A lesbian?
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that?
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.
Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...
Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...
(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.
Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry taste?
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?
Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-
Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.
Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!
Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...
Mr. Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Phoebe: She's a waitress.
Rachel: Oh.. a little..
Rachel: A lot.
Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...
Ross: Me either... (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn't have to move his hand.)
(Susan enters holding a drink.)
Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..
Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.
Carol: Give me a 'for instance'.
Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Rachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
Barry: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.
Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.
Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?
Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!
Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.
All: Yeah. Yeah. A little.
Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.
Rachel: What?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going, "Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?" I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions.
Joey: (To Chandler) I bet it was about her a little.
Monica: Oh, Rachel, sweetie, look, here's a really cute picture of Joey and you at the reception.
Monica: You're going to talk to him! Y'know what? We made a deal, I make your decisions and I say you're going to talk to him.
(Gunther goes up to the guy and holds a sign that reads, "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.")
Rachel: Well, y'know, a little of this, a little of that. Got myself a date tomorrow night.
Chandler: So, thanks for having me over! Rach. (Goes over, grabs her, and kisses her.) Pheebs. (After a moment while he decides how to kiss her around her belly, grabs her and kisses her.)
Rachel: Okay. Oh, uh, wait a minute, y'know what? I uh, I can't decide this. Umm, okay, just hold on a second.
(She enters the apartment, leaving Dave in the hallway, to find Ross sitting on the couch with a big box.)
Ross: Oh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna go wander out in the rain for a while.
Rachel: Oh God, I really had a good time!
Ross: I can't catch a break!
Rachel: Umm, listen, I'm gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just really sick. Okay? Bye! (She goes back in to talk to Ross.) Honey, listen, I know, I know things seem so bad right now.
Rachel: Y'know what Ross? You're not going anywhere. You're gonna sit right here. I'm gonna make you a cup of tea and we're gonna talk this thing whole out. All right? (She goes out to talk to Dave) Hey, Dave!
Monica: (Poking her head in) Rach? Can I talk to for just a minute? I-I dropped some socks.
(Rachel removes a paper on the floor which is covering a hole and gasps.)
Joey: I'll kick that door in if you give me a little sugar.
Monica: Thank you. Rachel, can I talk to you outside for a sec?
Phoebe: (Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can't watch.)
(There's a loud bang on the door.)
[Scene: Silvercup studios, Joey is taking a shower in Charlton Hestons dressing room. Heston enters the room, Joey panics, and walks over to the shower and confronts Joey about the use of his shower.]
Monica: Well, we thought we would all go to a picnic (Phoebe gasps), in Central Park!
Phoebe: That sucks! That's not a trip! I just came from the park! What are we gonna high five about at the stupid Central Park? "Well, it's right by my house, all right!"
Ross: And it could've just as easily have been a bullet.
Joey: All right, well, we felt really bad about that so we decided we should all take a little trip together!
Chandler: I was just trying to bring a little culture to the group.
Monica: Yes, I want to change. And why-why dont you go down and get us a table?
Joey: Nooo, I said we needed a new plan.
Chandler: Okay, Pheebs, we decided the picnic idea was a little Y'know, it didn't have any It-it, well it blew. So, we thought, that this afternoon that we would all go away for the whole weekend to, Atlantic City!
Phoebe: Ooh, Atlantic City! Oh, that's a great plan! Who's plan was that?
Monica: All right, Rachel, I know-I know you think I'm crazy, please, before you tell him you love him, just-just try to find one person who thinks this is a good idea. Because I bet you, you can't.
Rachel: I know! I know, its such a huge, life-altering thing.
Rachel: (Looking through her purse.) Okay, you know what? I dont have it, but I can tell you exactly where it is on my night stand, and...okay. But you know what? I have my drivers license and I have a twenty. (She slides it across the counter.)
Big Nosed Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! (Walks into the living room and greets Monica's parents.) Hi!
Monica: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.
Ross: What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.
Rachel: But yknow what, if you think its gonna be okay well just work out a system. Yknow, itll be like college, Ill hang a hanger on the door and put a sign, "Come back later, Im gettin lucky." (Laughs.)
Chandler: Y'know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room, I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex.
(There's a pause as they figure out what to say.)
Rachel: You-you're not wearing a jacket.
(Both Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.)
Rachel: Yeah, y'know what? I'm-I'm gonna meet you upstairs in a minute.
(He goes over and opens the door to reveal Monica holding a plate of cookies and a fan to blow the smell across the hall.)
Monica: Umm, why don't you give me something that would be a good reason and-and then I'll tell you if it's true.
Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O
Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.
Joey: Greens? Im a Tribbiani! And Tribbianis quit!
Dr. Oberman: Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early
Phoebe: Can I tell you a little secret?
Joey: Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up.
Monica: Feeling a little better sweetie?
Phoebe: Well, I'm kinda on a clock here.
Rachel: No, I haven't had a chance to be alone with him yet.
Frank: Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in?
(A male nurse enters.)
Chandler: So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it?
[Scene: The lobby in Ross's building, we see a flyer that is on the bulletin board that reads, "Are you the Hot Girl who waved at me? If so, give me a call!" and it's signed, Joey 629-9*** (The last couple of numbers have been ripped off). Anyhoo, Ross is getting his mail.]
Rachel: Yeah. So Frank, three babies. Whew, that just seems like a lot, huh?
Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad
Monica: Oh no-no-no, its only one night a week, and plus I get to take all of you out for a lot of free dinners.
Frank: Yes, it has a head!
Phoebe: I already had a baby. Leave me alone.
[Cut to the waiting room, a twice triumphant Frank returns.]
Phoebe: Oo, this is a big one. Eww! Arghhhh!!
Frank: Chandler's a girl!
[Scene: A hallway, Monica and Dan are talking.]
Joey's Doctor: Would you like to see them? (He hands Joey a little jar.)
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
Ross: Unagi is a state of total awareness. Okay? Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you!
Phoebe: Oh. It was a long shot. Hey, you guys can I just like have a second alone with the babies.
[Time Lapse, the babies are finally asleep. Good for Phoebe! The only problem is, Monicas apartment looks like a tornado, a hurricane, a swarm of locusts, fire, brimstone, hail, and giant man-eating, radioactive ants have torn the place apart. Needless to say, its messy enough to cause Monica to die of shock right away. Parents with small children know what Im talking about.]
[Cut to the waiting room, a triumphant Frank rushes in.]
Chandler: So uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they gonna name her?
Monica: Yes. Yes, I was. A guy. From work. (Thinks) I'm seeing a guy from work! Ha!
Monica: (In a sexy voice) Come in. I've been waiting for you.
Rachel: Y'know what, just give me a second and I'll be out of your hair. I'm just gonna grab a jacket. When I get back, I want every little detail. (There's a knock on the door.) Maybe that's him. (Goes to answer the door.)
Monica: (pulling on a robe) Okay, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I-I-I was um, I was taking a nap.
Joey: (entering, wearing a tux) Hey!
Joey: A little uh, good deed for PBS and a little TV exposure, now that's the kind of math Joey likes to do!
Phoebe: All I got was a lousy key chain! And by that time I was living in a box. I didn't have keys!
Phoebe: This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally selfish.
Joey: Well, yeah, it was a really nice thing and all, but it made you feel really good right?
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are showing everyone the van they bought for the catering business. Its an old Dodge van, that has a cartoon woman riding on a dragon painted on the side of it.]
DOCTOR: No, it's just a good bone bruise. And, right here is the puncture wound from your ring.
Ross: Emily? Emily! Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Emily! (He picks up a lamp and hands it to Chandler, for no reason.) It's Emily everyone! Shush-shush-shhst! (to Emily) Hi!
Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?
Phoebe: Smoked a joint? You know, lit a bone? Weed? Hemp? Ganja?
Joey: That's great. But uh, I'm not really expecting a lot of calls.
Phoebe: Okay, 'cause right after my mom killed herself, I was just in this really bad place, y'know personally. So, I just thought that it'd make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street, 'cause they were so nice when I was a little kid! No one ever wrote back.
Rachel: He got all weird and sputtery and then he said uh, "Yeah, I hear those hemorrhoids are a bitch."
Chandler: (entering) Hey, Monica? Can I ask you a cooking question?
Joey: Good evening. Im Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for soap operas. Now um, on my first day as (proudly) Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives, (looks for a reaction from his students, and gets none.) I learned that one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting again, it means, you dont have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes like this. (looks all intense for a moment and then gasps, the students cheer him) Thanks, thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.
Ross: I told her I'd have to think about it. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to make this kind of a decision? (They're all quiet.) I'm actually asking you!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is mixing some Thanksgiving treat (Im assuming mashed potatoes) in a bowl.]
Chandler: I am so sorry. I really am. I was an idiot back then. I rushed the stage at a Wham concert for crying out loud!
Phoebe: (on phone from Central Perk) Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey-whoa-whoa-whoa!! Ho-ho-hold on a sec there, Mr. Kissey! Y'know, I've been meaning to talk to you about this whole, little, new European thing you got going on, and I just need to tell you that it makes me very uncomfortable and I justy'knowstop it!
Joey: (in a bored voice) PBS telethon.
Phoebe: (Thinks for a moment.) Aw, dammit! (Slams the phone down.)
Chandler: OK, I'm officially unpacked. Thanks for helping me man. (Turns around and sees that Joey isn't there.) Joe? (Hears giggling coming from a box) Well, I guess Joey went home. Oh and look, there's still one box that I have to unpack. (Hears the giggling again)