words in movies
[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]
Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
Carol: A lesbian?
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that?
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.
Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...
Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...
(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.
Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry taste?
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?
Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-
Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.
Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!
Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...
Mr. Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Phoebe: She's a waitress.
Rachel: Oh.. a little..
Rachel: A lot.
Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...
Ross: Me either... (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn't have to move his hand.)
(Susan enters holding a drink.)
Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..
Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.
Carol: Give me a 'for instance'.
Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Rachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
Barry: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.
Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.
Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?
Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!
Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.
All: Yeah. Yeah. A little.
Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.
Phoebe: That's right! Oh, yeah... Well, I've totally forgotten about im! AH! That's-That's... a blast from the past!
Phoebe: Oh, I should go, too. Oh, now... tomorrow do you guys wanna share a cab to the airport or should Mike and I just meet you there.
Chandler: Sure! Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you! Do you believe that who everdid something over here last night did what they did or didn't do ...I mean come on!!
(Trying on a hat and talking to his own reflection in the mirror)
David: (after a while) How do you think I should propose?
Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!
Phoebe: Mm-hmm. (To herself) Throw me a bone here.
Monica: But that's clearly a joke. This could easily be true. (Phone rings)
Joey: Hey, hey! You said you're gonna wear a thong, where's the thong?
Joey: (smiling) Will you wear a thong?
Joey: Oh... you got yourself a very weird deal!
Ross: (a little embarassed by their conversation) I'm good, I have dinner plans (moves away from them).
David: Still you know, a girl calls you by your ex-boyfriend's name, that-that's not a good thing, right?
Chandler: I did! A penis one! Look, just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching a basketball game, Ross is staring out the peephole.]
Monica: Ok! When I go places with high humidity, it gets a little extra body, ok?!
Monica: (to Chandler) Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a King size bed!
Phoebe: If I havent said it before: shes a lucky, lucky lady! So, where are you going towhat the mother of crap is up with this stuff? (Referring to the taffy, which shes been chewing this whole time.) Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? Whats the deal? (she swallows it, finally) Oh, its nice! May I try a pink one?
Phoebe: (shouts after David) Oh! David, get one for us too! Oh, oh, and see if they have a heart-shaped one! And with mirrors on the ceiling!
David: So, ehm... I'm proposing to Pheobe tonight. (Removes a ring box from his pocket and opens it to show Chandler the ring)
Chandler: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec? (Pulls her away from Phoebe and Rachel)
Chandler: Tonight?! (looks at the ring) Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond? (squints at the ring to emphasize how tiny the diamond is) Oh, there it is!
Chandler: Oh, is it on the computer, cuz I'd love to give it a read...?
Chandler: It must be a virus. I think it erased your hard drive.
Chandler: Well, it didn't say "This is a virus"!!
Chandler: It's not gone! I mean, I'm sure you printed out a copy. You have a hard copy, right?
Joey: I could teach you a speech that I memorized for auditions.
Ross: Yeah, well you should! I mean, nude pictures of Anna Kournikova? I mean, she's never even won a major tournament!
Joey: A widower.
Rachel: Hey-hey, yknow what? I dont care! Im not ashamed of my book. Theres nothing with a woman enjoying a little erotica. Its just a healthy expression of female sexuality, which by the way, you will never understand. (She goes into her room.)
Phoebe: Oh God, I tried everything to make myself feel better. I even tried writing a song about it... but... I can't think of anything that rhymes with AARRGGHH!! (pause) Hey Monica, I really need your help getting through this...
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
(A waiter walks by carrying appetizers or something on a tray)
Janine: Australia, I just moved here a couple of weeks ago.
Joey: Hey Rach, do you feel like going to a convention?
David: Yeah, well, being a failed scientist doesn't pay quite as well as you might think. That's uhm... one seventieth of a karat. And the clarity is uhm... is quite poor.
Ross: I know! It's like, if you knew, why didn't you tell me, you know? I mean, call, or leave a note: "Hi, I just dropped by to say your wife's gay"
Ross: My wife had a workout friend she went to the gym with everyday for a year. She didn't get any fitter.
Rachel: (takes a sip from her drink, embarassed) No.
Ross: And then, you try to make the best of a bad situation, so you float the idea of a threesome?
Joey: You like someone. Tell me who it is. Who is it? (tickles her a little)
Charlie: I had a great time.
Charlie: (to Joey) I just left you a message! Ross and I were gonna go grab a bite, but now that you're here, maybe we can go have that dinner.
(David and Phoebe sit down at a table close to Chandler and Monica's)
[Scene: The restaurant. Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table]
Monica: Yeah hey, a weird thing happened today whey I was at brunch. This woman overheard that I was marrying you and-and then she she wished me good luck.
ROSS: Really? I mean, I, I had a whole speach prepared.
Mike: I have a question I need to ask you.
David: I have a question I was kinda gonna ask her myself.
Phoebe: Oh, you're a paleonthologist, too! (pause) Oh, ok, now, what do you think of Ranion's new theory of species' variegation in segmented arthopods?
David: I have a ring.
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. I mean, I missed you so much these last few months and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then I suddenly realized that there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.
Monica: You're the most incredible woman I've ever met. How can I lose you? (Phoebe looks very flattered) Now, I don't actually have a ring...
Phoebe: (smiles at him happily for a few seconds before answering) No!
David: That's fair, you've had a long trip. (he leaves his seat to Mike, and stands there looking for a chair. He finally goes to Monica and Chandler's table)
Phoebe: I love you. But I never needed a proposal from you. I just needed to know that we were headed somewhere, you know, that we had a future.
Monica: Who do you think would win in a fight, Catwoman or Supergirl?
Chandler: What a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did experiments on me! I cant have children!!
David: Please, you don't have to explain. I mean, perhaps if I hadn't gone to Minsk things would have worked out for us. And I wouldn't have ruined my career, or lost that toe to frostbite. It was a good trip! (he leaves)
Chandler: (to a paleontologist sitting next to him) Not to mention the cold sores.
Man with a bow tie: (shaking hands with Ross) I thought... it was wonderful!
Ross: (with a frozen smile on his face, realizing something's wrong with Jarvis) Ok... now... now we're just holding hands! (pulls his hand away)
Rachel: (to Ross, in a flattering tone) It was really... great!
Ross: No, it's ok! Made me feel like a rock star!
(Ross goes towards Charlie, who's conversing with a fellow paleontologist, and touches her shoulder to get her attention)
Phoebe: Well, on the bright side, now you won't have to see all these paleontologists with their shirts off. (Grabs a drink and notices that the two men are upset) Not you guys. You got it going on!
Mike: They have a game room downstairs! Ping pong and stuff.
(Chandler turns to Mike and gives him a "See what I mean?" look)
Ross: But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster [1] is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...
Charlie: I'm sorry, I can't! I'm running a discussion group all afternoon.
Hayley: so it was kind of a shock after 25 years of marriage my parents, a perfect couple getting divorced, I kinda took it the hardest cause I was the youngest.
Charlie: Actually, it turned out to be a lot of fun!
[Scene: the hotel game room. There is a ping pong table in the middle of the room. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in]
Joey: Yeah! A little bit, yeah...
Mike: I'll make it a hundred!
Mike: (disbelieving) I think I will be all right! (to Monica) You wanna volley a bit for a serve?
Monica: (going through her pockets) No... (to Chandler and Phoebe) Either of you girls got a quarter?
(Joey is sitting in an armchair and wearing a diving mask. He pulls out a grape from a bunch of fake grapes on the coffee table, puts it on the snorkel's breathing tube and blows it out, then giggles to himself)
Mike: To see who goes first, you got a quarter?
Mike: Ten bucks a game?
Phoebe: (picks up a coin from her bra) Monica, you call it.
Phoebe: (smiling proudly) He was a lawyer!
Joey: But then who? The waitress I went out with last month? (gives her a meaningful look)
Joey: Ok! All right, well... I'm gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I'll... I'll see you later!
Charlie: (laughing) I didn't mean a thong... I meant thongs...
Rachel: Only like a month!
Rachel: I don't know, I'm not trying to do anything, it's just, we have such a good time when we're together, you know... I mean, aren't you just a... little curious... (insinuating) what that would be like?...
Rachel: What the... DIAL IT DOWN! (Joey goes to sit on the bed) Listen, ok, and maybe they're crazy thoughts, but sometimes I do, I have, I've been thinking about... you know, us! (looks at Joey, who's totally distraught) Ok, dial it up a little!
Joey: (shocked) That's a huge thing!
Joey: Yeah, he had a paper route.
Rachel: But can it... just... happen a little bit?
Joey: Because... look, no one wants this to happen more than me, ok? (in a trembling voice) I have gone over this moment in my head a hundred times and not once did I ever say no! (sighs) I couldn't do it to Ross!
Joey: I know, I know! But I've thought about it a lot since, and it just wouldn't be right... (painfully) I'm sorry...!
Rachel: It's not a big deal!
Rachel: It's so not a big deal!
Phoebe: (looking at Mike) Oh, yeah! (turning to Chandler) Are you telling me you... you're not even... a little turned on by Monica, right now?
(They approach the buffet, where a couple of paleontologists are sipping their drinks)
(Chandler turns to look at Monica, who has the biggest hair ever, is flushed and in a sweat, and is decidedly sniffing her armpits)
Monica: (threatening) Don't get too cocky! Remember I won the last one! Oh, by the way, how did that feel, losing to a girl?
Mike: You know, you should really look in a mirror before you call yourself that.