words in movies
[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]
Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
Carol: A lesbian?
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that?
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.
Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...
Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...
(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.
Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry taste?
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?
Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-
Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.
Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!
Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...
Mr. Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Phoebe: She's a waitress.
Rachel: Oh.. a little..
Rachel: A lot.
Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...
Ross: Me either... (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn't have to move his hand.)
(Susan enters holding a drink.)
Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..
Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.
Carol: Give me a 'for instance'.
Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Rachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
Barry: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.
Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.
Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?
Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!
Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.
All: Yeah. Yeah. A little.
Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.
Dr. Green: Oh come on! Dont be such a baby! (Goes after him)
Dr. Green: (laughs) Poppy. (To Phoebe) Oh, Im gonna be a poppy. (Stops laughing) So when is the wedding?
Rachel: No, its Ross. Its Ross. You like Ross. (He just shakes his head.) Oh daddy, I hope youre okay with all of this. I mean think about it, this is a good thing. Youre gonnaThis is your first grandchild! Youre gonna be a poppy!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are reading a magazine and Ross is chatting with Mona.]
Ross: Yeah, a lot of my students do that.
Ross: Oh thanks. Although it kinda seemed like you were falling asleep there a little.
Rachel: No we werent! It was nothing! It was one night, senior year we went to a party, had a lot of sangria and yknow, ended up kissing for a bit.
Joey: So uh, you and Mona, been a while now. Hows it going?
Monica: Yeah, I got this number from this guy at work and I hired a stripper to come dance for you. Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?!
Monica: (entering) Oh my God! You are gonna love me so much! I felt really bad about the whole bachelorette party thing, so tonight youre gonna have a bachelor party.
Monica: So dont think of it as a bachelor party, think of it as a a two month anniversary present.
Chandler: Honey! Thats crazy! I dont want you to get me a stripper
Chandler: I understand: who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party?
Dr. Green: I just called a friend of mine.
Joey: Look, look lets pretend its a real bachelor party. Okay? Yknow? Before your wedding. Come on, itll be fun.
Rachel: Theres not gonna be a wedding. Ross and I are not getting married.
Phoebe: Oh, great! We couldnt keep our eyes off each other all night and then every once and a while yknow, hed kinda lean over and stroke my hair and touch my neck. (Does that to Monica.)
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Rachel: And umm, vintage handkerchiefs yknow cause, people cry at weddings. (Starting to cry.) Im just gonna grab a couple of these.
Chandler: So shes a
Stripper: So is that a bedroom? (Points to the guestroom.)
Joey: Joey Tribbiani, a big fan.
Mona: I love your place! Where is this guy from? (A statue from the top of his apothecary table.)
Ross: Yknow this is actually not a great time for me.
Ross: Yes. Yes, yes I did. (To Mona) But-but it was, it was just a one night thing. It meant nothing.
Ross: (to Mona) Oh but not that way. I mean I mean Im not in love with her. I love her like a, like a friend.
Ross: No! No sir umm, she means a lot to me. I mean, I careI-I love Rachel.
Dr. Green: Oh really? Thats how treat a friend? You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her?
Chandler: I cant believe there is a naked hooker in there!
Chandler: Could be. I mean technically she did strip, we just, we just missed it. (Walks towards the bedroom.) Maam, are you also a stripper?
Joey: Wait! Wait! Maybe shes a hooker and a stripper, but she got confused about what shes supposed to do.
Joey: Maybe Monicas playing a joke on ya. Yknow? Getting her own husband a hooker, thats pretty funny.
Monica: Oh my God Stu! I-I cant believe you did this! Now are you absolutely sure shes a hooker?
Joey: (on machine) Hey Ross. Its Joey. Theres a hooker over here and we thought maybe youd know something about it.
Monica: Shes a stripper.
Joey: Maybe she meant to get you a hooker.
Joey: In a minute!
Chandler: (To Joey) In a minute? Whats gonna happen in a minute?!
Monica: (entering quickly) Shes a hooker! Shes a hooker! Shes a (Stops as she sees her.) Hi! Uh, we spoke on the phone. (Goes and shakes the hookers hand.)
Phoebe: Hi. Listen, Im sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It really wasnt right, and I, and I want to make it up to you, so umm, I brought you something that I think youll really enjoy. (Goes into the hallway and returns carrying the Evander Holyfield cutout.) Now, this is just a loan. Okay? Im gonna, Im gonna want him back. So (Looks at him longingly) Im gonna go now. (Exits.) (Pause) (Entering) Im sorry, I thought I could do it and I cant! (She grabs the cutout and exits for good.)
Ross: So your dad dropped by. Hes a pleasant man!
Phoebe: Thats it?! You call that a fight? Come on! "We were on a break!" "No we werent!" What happened to you two?!
Rachel: Okay. Um ButOkay, yes Ross and I used to date. And yes we are gonna have a baby. But we are definitely not getting back together.
Stu: No, shes a hooker.
Chandler: Hey! Wow, it is true what they say, pregnant bellies look like a drum.
Ross: I know and I was going to, but I thought it was better that you heard it from Rachels father. Look I I made a mistake, but its only because I really, really like you. Really!
Rachel: (entering) Forgot my purse! (Sees them kissing.) Oh, you guys made up. (To Mona) Hes a good kisser isnt he? (Ross goes to close the door on her.) Im going! (Quickly leaves and Ross locks the door.)
Monica: I swear I didnt know she was a hooker! I mean whDid you let her smoke in here?
Chandler: Yknow what? Were not sad, were not sad, were just not 21 anymore. Yknow? Im 29 years old, damnit! And I want to sit in a comfortable chair, and watch television and go to bed at a reasonable hour!
Monica: Yknow what? Im gonna make this up to you. I promised you a stripper (turns on the radio), and youre gonna get a stripper. (She starts to strip.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is being yelled at by her dad over the phone, and hes been going on for so long Rachel is holding the phone away from her ear and reading a book.]
Phoebe: Wanna go see a movie?
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
Monica: No that was Jarred! Wow! I havent thought about him in a long time (Stares off into the distance lost in thought.) (Pause) Anyway, umm Wills, Wills here on business and he didnt have a place to go so I invited him here.
Melissa: You have been M.I.A for the past seven sorority newsletters, whats up with you?!
Rachel: Oh Pheebs thats so sweet(Grabs a pair of pants)Ooh, those are so cute!
Phoebe: I brought you my old maternity clothes! (Sets a bag on the counter.)
Joey: I just want you to say it once in a while.
Monica: All right okay, just so you know, Im not gonna make a turkey this year.
Monica: Anyway, it just doesnt seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. Okay? Its a lot of work.
Ross: Yeah. The bartender said that they split up into two search parties, the herbivores and the carnivores. (pause) You know, we as a group are not the coolest.
Ross: I said 'share' not 'scare'. Go sit over there! (Chandler goes over and sits at a table and puts his head down).
Ross: Can I ask you something? Have you ever had a guy have a crush on you?
Monica: No! (Pause) But, theyre callin out to me! I mean this little guy (Holds up a small one) even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldnt mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is?
Monica: All right fine! If it means that much to you! But justtheres gonna be a ton left over.
Monica: Is all this about you not being able to grow a moustache?
Chandler: Nope! Every once and a while I just scream stuff at the TV.
Monica: Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but hes really into the game so I dont want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins? (Hands her a stack of them.)
Chandler: This is about you and Richard. He's clearly not over you. He keeps a tape so he can... look at it whenever he wants.
Monica: A pie! (Will brought a pie.)
(Phoebe joins Chandler on the couch as there is a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Monica: (to Will) Wanna give me a hand?
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Yknow, its been a while since weve screamed something. Maybe we should.
Will: Yeah, I hated her. She was horrible to me in high school. But hey, it was a long time ago, Im in a good place, it might be actually fun to see her again. You got any cakes or cookies or something? (Starts looking.) No Will no!
Monica: Is there a problem?
Will: That was such a fun night!
Ross: Will, high school was-was a long time ago.
Rachel: (entering, carrying a baking dish) Hi!
Monica: (laughs) This is Chandlers chicken. This is the turkey. (Sets down a huge turkey.)
Joey: Thats it?! Even if nobody helps me I can eat that no problem. At least give me a challenge!
[Scene: The Portrait Studio, Monica is waiting for Chandler to make another attempt at taking a good picture.]
Monica: (To Rachel) Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school.
Rachel: You had a club?!
Will: Oh, it wasnt just me. We had a club!
Will: A little mean? You made my life miserable!
Monica: Yeah and-and Im sorry too. But, well I justI like things done a certain way and the chemistrys just not right.
Will: Yes he was. (Holds up his hand for a high-five.)
Mrs. Geller: Honestly! Ross, this isnt just some girl you picked up in a bar and humped. A child should have a family.
Monica: Hmm, a little relieved, I gotta say.
Will: You went out with her?! We had a pact!
Will: Well, we did a little more than that.
Ross: Look Rach I-Im sorry, okay? I I was a stupid kid, okay? The only reason I joined
Mr. Franklin: But we really do need to find someone up here. The work is starting to pile up. Ive got a stack of documents on my desk this high. (Holds his hand at shoulder level.)
Phoebe: Ah-ha! Okay, (takes out a notepad) Las Vegas 1, London 0! I'll be right back. (Gets up and heads aft.)
Rachel: (entering carrying a book) Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, "Dear Rach, youre such a good person." Not girl! Person!
Ross: Rach, I think youre reading a little too much into it.
(Ross is at a loss for words.)
Rachel: Ohh, theres a picture of her in the yearbook actually.
Chandler: Is that a problem?
Monica: Didnt she walk with a cane?