words in movies
[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]
Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
Carol: A lesbian?
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that?
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.
Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...
Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...
(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.
Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry taste?
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?
Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-
Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.
Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!
Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...
Mr. Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Phoebe: She's a waitress.
Rachel: Oh.. a little..
Rachel: A lot.
Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...
Ross: Me either... (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn't have to move his hand.)
(Susan enters holding a drink.)
Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..
Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.
Carol: Give me a 'for instance'.
Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Rachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
Barry: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.
Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.
Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?
Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!
Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.
All: Yeah. Yeah. A little.
Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.
David: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kiss had to be, and now we've reached a place where it's just gotta be one of those things where I just like... sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm not really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella.
Joey: Oh hey, no, you're not welcome. Okay, look, I hate this! You guys keep embarrassing me! (To Monica) Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom and I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine and-and that I was playing a woman in a play. And one thing led to another and (He puts his leg on the chair and pulls up his pants leg to reveal that he now has shaved legs.)
(Phoebe leads David into a bedroom)
Phoebe: Well, sure in a perfect world. But, no, I promised I wouldnt tell, and I swore to like all my gods.
(Joey puts a blanket over Sandy's kids)
Rachel: Okay, well then how about a handshake? (She goes to shake his hand but misses and touches his groin.) Oh God I'm sorry! Oh God, I'm sorry! I did not mean to touch thatI mean you there. There. Uhh, okay, so thank-thank you, I'm going to leave now thank you very much uh-huh, thank you soHey! I'll see you Monday! (Exits.)
[Scene: A Street: Monica and Phoebe are walking to a newsstand.]
Paula: Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes here? All right, a cow got through!
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!
(The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy gets hit by a truck)
[Scene: Hospital, the guy is in a coma and Mon and Pheebs are visiting.]
Rachel: Jo-Joey, look honey we-we need to talk okay? Umm, I kinda got the feeling from her today that uh, shes not lookin for a serious relationship.
Monica: Well, unless goose is a vegetable...ha haaaah!
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
Chandler: Now, there is a dress laid out on your bed. (Monica stumbles on the steps.) Okay, (catches her) youre doing great. Youre doing great. Youre doing fine.
Monica: I wish we at least knew his name... Look at that face. I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer.
Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.
Ross: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast.
Chandler: (on phone) Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor? (Listens) Yeah, I miss you too. (Listens) Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know? (Listens) Well, that's very generous (Listens) er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about.... (Listens) And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier? (Listens) Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection! (Listens) No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! (Listens) I'll see you on Monday! (slams the phone down)
Ross: (to the class) Right! So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous, was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when(sees Monica and Rachel.) Oh bloody hell.
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms.
[Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.]
Jay Leno: (on TV) Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad...
Fun Bobby: Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, grandfather, he- died about two hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow, so here I am!
[Scene: A Mexican Restaurant, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and his mom are there.]
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
Mrs. Bing: Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug. (They both sit down) Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.
[Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk. He is holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller's eye.]
Phoebe: What about Glen? He could be a Glen.
Ross: Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy.
Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer.
Ross: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. (A woman emerges from the toilet behind him and he tries to pretend he was in the other one)
[Scene: Central Perk. They're all sitting there as usual, except Joey. Gunther is serving a nearby table.]
Mrs. Bing: He's not a hero. ...You know who our hero is.
Rachel: Umm, Im sorry. Do you-do you have a problem with me?
Ross: I don't know, God, I... well, it's not like she's a regular mom, y'know? She's, she's sexy, she's...
Ross: Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here...
(She and Paolo walk a little way down the hall)
Monica: I'm not really here. Just thought I'd drop these off...on the way.. my way... Do you come here a lot? Without me?
Chandler: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is talking to Chandler. Joey is making a snack at the bar.]
(Ross emerges from a toilet marked 'Chicas')
Rachel: Oh man! This is so great! I actually feel like Im going on a real date! Although, I have a hint of morning sickness, and Im wearing underwear that goes up to about (She snaps the waistband on her underwear that is just slightly below her breasts) there.
Rachel: Okay. (Writes a little more) I am so hot!
Phoebe: Okay, maybe it was a trick question. (Plays a few chords) Um, Rachel can we do this now?
Phoebe: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be very important to me. (Monica gives her a look) 'Kay. (Sung:)
Gene: Hey! I got a kid starting college. I've to get surgery on my knee, you just lost me ten grand!
Ross: Oh, uh, Phoebe just started a...
Joey: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.
Ross: (To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a Greek play.
Ross: ...But a man can change. (Downs a shot)
Rachel: (Brings Marcel a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the plane.
(She sees Monica sneaking out) Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break! (Runs out, knocking over the mike stand)
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
Joey: No, no. He said "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?"
Ross: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him.
(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)
Paolo: Ah, poke (Paolo touches Rachel's nose) a (touches nose again) nose, mmm (they rub noses, then kisses her)
Ross: Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door.
Chandler: (to Ross) Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal!
Monica: Yeah, that's a big step.
Joey: Need a new table.
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame)
Phoebe: (at window) Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler use their knees as a table to support the lasagna.]
Chandler: What rule? There's no rule, if anything, you owe me a table!
Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?
Chandler: It's just that we bought a hibachi together, and then he ran off and got married, and things got pretty ugly.
Joey: Well, let me ask you something, was Kip a better roommate than me?
Ross: Hey, if they have a ball maybe you can stick razor blades in it and teach them a new game, Gonna Need Stitches Ball.
...My mother's ashes Even her eyelashes Are resting in a little yellow jar, And sometimes when it's breezy...
Ross: Dad dad, please! As I was saying umm, Im Dr. Ross Geller. Uhh, and Im the best man. And uh, this marriage is doubly special for me umm, because not only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister. And, shes the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if youd all please join me in raising a glass to the, the couple were here to celebrate. (Everyone does so.) To the Bings.
PHOEBE: It's a Wonderful Life. Yes I've heard of this.
Phoebe: Well, he made a move on me.
Ross: Well, like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived! (Ross takes the loosely tied tie off and hands it to Joey who puts it on.) Here.
Phoebe: Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until. (A flashback starts Paolo, lying on massage table, moving his hands up Phoebe's legs.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head)
Joey: Will you pick one, just pick one! Here, how about that one? (points to a table)
Phoebe: I don't even have a 'pl'.
Phoebe: Um, um, Rachel can we talk for a sec?
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies
Phoebe: Paolo made a pass at me.
[We see a shot of Jack drinking condensed milk on the couch.]
Rachel: Oh, God, he's such a pig,
Phoebe: Oh he's like a...
Phoebe: ...like a...
Phoebe: Such a pig!
Phoebe: I'm telling you! Oh, okay! This is the part of the musical where there'd be a really good convincing song. (Singing) "Bam-bam, don't take no for an answer. Bam-bam, don't let love fly away. Bam-bam-bam-bam..."
(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)
Jake: Yeah that would be great! Let me make sure Im not doing anything Tuesday. (He bends over to open his bag, when he does so his pants slide down his butt revealing a pink lace secret.)
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
(Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then embrace in a more passionate kiss.)
Rachel: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to figure out what I want
Rachel: Uh...no. No, no, in fact, you're not having a boy.