words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Bathroom, Chandler and Monica are sharing a candlelight bubble bath while drinking champagne and they clink their glasses.]
(Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler's doing.)
Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.
Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke-(Yelps in
(Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)
Chandler: Ooh! Ahh, Pheebs, was gonna tell a story.
Phoebe: Yeah, so, he had a really funny hatI don't want to talk about it.
Monica: No, but she likes me. You abandoned her on a plane to Greece.
Rachel: Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel. (Goes and puts her luggage away.)
Monica: Rach, that's great! It's so good that you had a good time in Greece!
Rachel: What?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going, "Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?" I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions.
(He gets up and gives Monica a rather passionate kiss as Rachel and Phoebe look on in amazement. After the kiss ends, Chandler suddenly realizes what he just did, so he decides to do something rather rash.)
Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
Monica: Oh, Rachel, sweetie, look, here's a really cute picture of Joey and you at the reception.
Joey: (To Chandler) I bet it was about her a little.
Monica: You're going to talk to him! Y'know what? We made a deal, I make your decisions and I say you're going to talk to him.
Phoebe: (Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can't watch.)
Rachel: Well, y'know, a little of this, a little of that. Got myself a date tomorrow night.
(Gunther goes up to the guy and holds a sign that reads, "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.")
Chandler: So, thanks for having me over! Rach. (Goes over, grabs her, and kisses her.) Pheebs. (After a moment while he decides how to kiss her around her belly, grabs her and kisses her.)
Rachel: Oh God, I really had a good time!
Rachel: Okay. Oh, uh, wait a minute, y'know what? I uh, I can't decide this. Umm, okay, just hold on a second.
(She enters the apartment, leaving Dave in the hallway, to find Ross sitting on the couch with a big box.)
Ross: Oh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna go wander out in the rain for a while.
Ross: I can't catch a break!
Rachel: Y'know what Ross? You're not going anywhere. You're gonna sit right here. I'm gonna make you a cup of tea and we're gonna talk this thing whole out. All right? (She goes out to talk to Dave) Hey, Dave!
Rachel: Umm, listen, I'm gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just really sick. Okay? Bye! (She goes back in to talk to Ross.) Honey, listen, I know, I know things seem so bad right now.
Monica: (Poking her head in) Rach? Can I talk to for just a minute? I-I dropped some socks.
Rachel: Well (At a loss for words, she grabs some of Monica's laundry and throws it on the floor as a diversion to allow Rachel to run back inside and close the door. Monica chases her to find that Rachel had locked the door.)
Joey: I'll kick that door in if you give me a little sugar.
Monica: Thank you. Rachel, can I talk to you outside for a sec?
Monica: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.
Monica: All right, Rachel, I know-I know you think I'm crazy, please, before you tell him you love him, just-just try to find one person who thinks this is a good idea. Because I bet you, you can't.
(There's a loud bang on the door.)
Joey: All right, well, we felt really bad about that so we decided we should all take a little trip together!
Monica: Well, we thought we would all go to a picnic (Phoebe gasps), in Central Park!
Phoebe: That sucks! That's not a trip! I just came from the park! What are we gonna high five about at the stupid Central Park? "Well, it's right by my house, all right!"
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey-whoa-whoa-whoa!! Ho-ho-hold on a sec there, Mr. Kissey! Y'know, I've been meaning to talk to you about this whole, little, new European thing you got going on, and I just need to tell you that it makes me very uncomfortable and I justy'knowstop it!
Chandler: I was just trying to bring a little culture to the group.
Chandler: Okay, Pheebs, we decided the picnic idea was a little Y'know, it didn't have any It-it, well it blew. So, we thought, that this afternoon that we would all go away for the whole weekend to, Atlantic City!
Phoebe: Ooh, Atlantic City! Oh, that's a great plan! Who's plan was that?
Joey: Nooo, I said we needed a new plan.
Rachel: Yeah, y'know what? I'm-I'm gonna meet you upstairs in a minute.
Ross: What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.
Chandler: Y'know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room, I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex.
Joey: So that if we went out on a date, shed be there.
Susan: Look, I dont see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because Im a woman.
Teacher: Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower.
Chandler: A cool phone number, and a possible name for the kid.
Monica: Well, if you think about it, I am kind of like a Reverend. I mean, as a chef, I serve God, by feeing the hungry and poor. (looks very convinced about what she just said)
Fran: Look, youre cold, I have to pee, and... (indicating the sign) ..theres a cup of coffee on the window. How bad could it be?
Monica: I cant believe you. You still havent told that girl she doesnt have a job yet?
Ross: Both logic and math are taking a serious hit today.
(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.)
(Joey lets himself in, carrying a large paper shopping bag.)
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.
Monica: Okay, he's a senior in college.
Dr. Long: (To Joey) Uh, if you have any questions, heres some information on Braxton-Hicks. (Hands Joey a pamphlet.) Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. Youre gonna make a wonderful father.
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Teacher: Lights please? And thats having a baby. Next week is our final class.
Soothing male voice: ..a sound Mom and Dad never forget. For this after all, is the miracle of birth.
Ross: Im gonna be a father.
[Scene 13: Central Perk, the gang is gathered around Monica comforting her brother, who in a slight state of shock is cuddling a cushion for security.]
Joey: A meatball Sub? Thanks! (he got a meatball sandwich)
Mr. Douglas: I see. I guess you never really know whats goin on inside a persons head.
Ross: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Nina: Do you have a sec?
Chandler: Ah, well, maybe thats, ah, because youre getting a big raise.
Chandler: Oh, you dont know. (Presses a button.) Helen, could you make sure we put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinders raise?
Nina: Oh my god! (Rushing over to give him a big hug) Youre amazing!
(Nina puts her hands on her hips, then gives Chandler a quizzical look.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Monica: (gasps) We had a characturist!
Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if youre ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk.
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Rachel: Oh please, theyve been going out a week. They havent even slept together yet, I mean, thats not serious.
Rachel: (Tapping the clipboard) well, now, wait a second, who did I just put as my "In case of emergency" person?
Rachel: (Like a big baby) Um... unless, unless I use yours.
Monica: I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars.
Nurse: You are an idiot. (She hands over a blank form).
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Chandler: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.
Chandler: What are you crazy? That's a baby!
Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am so not ready to be a father.
(Joey looks at his friends, thinks a bit more, then realises.)
Phoebe: (with a deep voice) Mr. Bing's office. (Listens) No I'm sorry, he's in a meeting right now.
Rachel: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?
Rachel: ..so, he said it was just a sprain, and that was it.
Chandler: I'm not in a meeting. I'm right... Whoops.
Ross: Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady. She's curator of insects at the museum.
Joey: Check it out, Giants-Cowboys. (He has a pocket TV)
(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.)
(The party falls flat. Chandler tries to think of a witticism, but even he can't help...)
Mr. Geller: I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody had said to me, here's a tomato that looks like a prune, I'd say "get out of my office!"
Ross: Thanks, Dad, really, I ju... you know, I just, I just needed to know, um... when did you start to feel like a father?
Chandler: Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
Rachel (as Monica): You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... okay... (They don't know what to do with their coats and Monica points to the living room) STAT!
Monica: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world, okay?
Rachel: Oh, Monica! Would you stop being such a wuss?
Monica: I said we are not going to do it, okay? Sometimes you can be such a, a big baby.
Monica: Sure, every time, you're such a princess...
Dr. Mitchell: ..you add a pinch of saffron, it makes all the difference.
Rachel: (as Monica) Thanks! I've been here about six years, and Rachel moved in a few months ago.
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Rachel: (as Monica) And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school, I was a cow?
Chandler: Now that I untangled you, how 'bout you doing a little something for me?
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but haha, hey, that's me. (Indicating a dish on the table) Why don't you try the hummus?
Phoebe: Ooh! A Salami Buddy!
Rachel: Would you excuse me for a second?
(Meanwhile, Rachel has taken another call, from a nurse she'd hoped never to hear from again.)
Dr. Rosen: This is a great place. How long have you lived here?
Phoebe: Um you, you got a minute?
Phoebe: Um, oh, I got you a birthday present.
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)
Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?
Phoebe: No. No food with a face.
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Carol answers it to Ross.]
(Monica smiles a sweet apology of regret, until she's distracted by Marcel as he clambers all over her nice furniture.)
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay for this with a check.
Ross: Do you have a point?
Phoebe: Yeah, well hed prefer water colors, but y'know, he has easy access to a lot of charcoal.
Chandler: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel like a father.
Ross: You've got to help me my monkey swallowed a 'K'!
Ross: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'?
RACH: [obviously drunk] I mean, it's a cat, y'know, it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, y'know, one of those fruitflies, those things that live for like a day or something? [belligerently] What're they called, what're they called, what're they called?
Dr. Mitchell: I'll take a look at him.
Ross: It's just a fur ball.
Phoebe: Oh, I love you Hexadrin! (She kisses the box.) Oh look! It comes with a story! (She pulls out the instructions and side affects paper.)
Chandler: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
Rachel: (as Monica) Aahh, I'm a... chef at a restaurant uptown.
Ross: Yes, I do have a laundry room in my building, um, but there's a.... rat problem. Apparently they're attracted to the dryer sheets, and they're goin' in fine, but they're comin' out all.... fluffy. Anyway, say, sevenish?
[Scene: The Hospital, Marcel lies on the operating table while recovering from the anaesthetic, tucked up under a sheet like an infant in a huge bed. Ross sits beside him, as a smiling Chandler, Monica and Rachel look on.]
Chandler: (Tapping Ross on his shoulder) So, you feel like a dad yet?
(The others rush to the window for a look.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is there. Rachel is looking out of the window and Ross is handing out some Chinese takeout. There's a small SAP in the corner of the screen.]
Rachel: Hey, look, you guys, I'm going for anything here, OK? I cannot be a waitress anymore, I mean it. I'm sick of the lousy tips, I'm sick of being called 'Excuse me...'
Monica: Do you really want a job with Popular Mechanics?
Joey: Oh no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few.
[Scene: Petes office, he is participating in a conference call with three other employees, each of whom are on a different TV screen that he controls with a remote.]