words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Bathroom, Chandler and Monica are sharing a candlelight bubble bath while drinking champagne and they clink their glasses.]
(Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler's doing.)
Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.
Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke-(Yelps in
(Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)
Chandler: Ooh! Ahh, Pheebs, was gonna tell a story.
Phoebe: Yeah, so, he had a really funny hatI don't want to talk about it.
Monica: No, but she likes me. You abandoned her on a plane to Greece.
Rachel: Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel. (Goes and puts her luggage away.)
Monica: Rach, that's great! It's so good that you had a good time in Greece!
Rachel: What?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going, "Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?" I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions.
(He gets up and gives Monica a rather passionate kiss as Rachel and Phoebe look on in amazement. After the kiss ends, Chandler suddenly realizes what he just did, so he decides to do something rather rash.)
Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
Monica: Oh, Rachel, sweetie, look, here's a really cute picture of Joey and you at the reception.
Joey: (To Chandler) I bet it was about her a little.
Monica: You're going to talk to him! Y'know what? We made a deal, I make your decisions and I say you're going to talk to him.
Phoebe: (Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can't watch.)
Rachel: Well, y'know, a little of this, a little of that. Got myself a date tomorrow night.
(Gunther goes up to the guy and holds a sign that reads, "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.")
Chandler: So, thanks for having me over! Rach. (Goes over, grabs her, and kisses her.) Pheebs. (After a moment while he decides how to kiss her around her belly, grabs her and kisses her.)
Rachel: Oh God, I really had a good time!
Rachel: Okay. Oh, uh, wait a minute, y'know what? I uh, I can't decide this. Umm, okay, just hold on a second.
(She enters the apartment, leaving Dave in the hallway, to find Ross sitting on the couch with a big box.)
Ross: Oh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna go wander out in the rain for a while.
Ross: I can't catch a break!
Rachel: Y'know what Ross? You're not going anywhere. You're gonna sit right here. I'm gonna make you a cup of tea and we're gonna talk this thing whole out. All right? (She goes out to talk to Dave) Hey, Dave!
Rachel: Umm, listen, I'm gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just really sick. Okay? Bye! (She goes back in to talk to Ross.) Honey, listen, I know, I know things seem so bad right now.
Monica: (Poking her head in) Rach? Can I talk to for just a minute? I-I dropped some socks.
Rachel: Well (At a loss for words, she grabs some of Monica's laundry and throws it on the floor as a diversion to allow Rachel to run back inside and close the door. Monica chases her to find that Rachel had locked the door.)
Joey: I'll kick that door in if you give me a little sugar.
Monica: Thank you. Rachel, can I talk to you outside for a sec?
Monica: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.
Monica: All right, Rachel, I know-I know you think I'm crazy, please, before you tell him you love him, just-just try to find one person who thinks this is a good idea. Because I bet you, you can't.
(There's a loud bang on the door.)
Joey: All right, well, we felt really bad about that so we decided we should all take a little trip together!
Monica: Well, we thought we would all go to a picnic (Phoebe gasps), in Central Park!
Phoebe: That sucks! That's not a trip! I just came from the park! What are we gonna high five about at the stupid Central Park? "Well, it's right by my house, all right!"
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey-whoa-whoa-whoa!! Ho-ho-hold on a sec there, Mr. Kissey! Y'know, I've been meaning to talk to you about this whole, little, new European thing you got going on, and I just need to tell you that it makes me very uncomfortable and I justy'knowstop it!
Chandler: I was just trying to bring a little culture to the group.
Chandler: Okay, Pheebs, we decided the picnic idea was a little Y'know, it didn't have any It-it, well it blew. So, we thought, that this afternoon that we would all go away for the whole weekend to, Atlantic City!
Phoebe: Ooh, Atlantic City! Oh, that's a great plan! Who's plan was that?
Joey: Nooo, I said we needed a new plan.
Rachel: Yeah, y'know what? I'm-I'm gonna meet you upstairs in a minute.
Ross: What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.
Chandler: Y'know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room, I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex.
PHOEBE: Just from a, from a long time ago. Is he here?
FRANK: Yeah. What? [a young guy comes around the corner]
FRANK: Cool, alright. So maybe, ya know, I could give you a call sometime, we could talk or somethin'.
Rachel: We were on a break!
PHOEBE: I'm not gonna. But you know what's cool though? Ok, if you had a friend named Pete, then I could say, 'Oh yeah, I know Pete, he's friends with my brother.'
ROSS: Well we did it, we're here. We are standing our ground. How long does a cup of coffee take?
[They rush to put the cream and sugar in their cups and gulp down a few drinks]
ROSS: Woah, ho-ho, whad'ya got there, a weapon?
CHANDLER: Question. If I don't care about my watch, can I use it as a weapon?
LITTLE BULLY: Look, here's what we'll do. We'll put all keys and watches in the hat over there. Alright. [they all put their keys and watches in the hat and put it on a mail box] Alright, c'mon man, let's do this.
Gunther: (In his head) Say Rachel, I was wondering if youd like to go to a movie with me sometime. As my lover! Nnnsch, to out there. Maybe youd just like to ah, get something to eat with me sometime? As my lover.
LITTLE BULLY: Actually, you know, uh, I gotta show this apartment tomorrow and uh, you know, this no faces thing might not be a bad idea.
ROSS: Well because I have to work on Monday, I have a big presentation.
LITTLE BULLY: Us, what about you guys? Man you really, bing, gave it to old Mr. Clean back there. He was a big guy.
(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.)
[Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees's conversation. One of them is doing Chandler.]
CHANDLER: Ya know, my cousin went to hell on a football scholarship.
[Scene: The 50's theme cafe. Monica is working the grill, the rest are at a table.]
RACHEL: My parents happened. All they had to do was sit in the same stadium, smile proudly, and not talk about the divorce. But nooo, they got into a huge fight in the middle of the commencement address. Bishop Tutu actually had to stop and shush them. But you know what, you know what the good news is? I get to serve coffee for the next 8 hours.
Chandler: (starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and(He falters and Monica prompts him.)generosity of spirit.
MR. GREENE: Alright, that sounds like a two person job. [they walk into Rachel's bedroom]
CHANDLER: So, basically just a Chinese guy.
PHOEBE: [a little dog starts attacking her leg] Hey, hey, no, oh oh.
Rachel: Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake!
MONICA: No, no, not a party. Just a surprise gathering of some people Rachel knows. Um, this is Phoebe and Chandler and Joey.
PHOEBE: Ok, question number 28, have you ever allowed a lighning bearer to take your wind? I would have to say no.
RACHEL: Well, I have to be, I don't really have a choice, I mean, you know, I could look at the bright side, I get two birthday parties and two birthday cakes.
JOEY: Yeah, we set up a court in your room. Uh, you didn't really like that grey lamp, did you?
CHANDLER: Joey, a woman just stuck her tounge down my throat, I'm not even listening to you.
RACHEL: Listen honey, can you keep dad occupied, I'm gonna go talk to mom for a while.
MR. GREENE: It's not a game Ross, a woman died on my table today.
MR. GREENE: I think I need a drink.
ROSS: Scotch. Alright, I'll be back in 10 seconds with your scotch on the rocks in a glass.
PHOEBE: Oh no, ooh, ooh, did somebody forget to use a coaster?
RACHEL: Yeah, like a chimney.
ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that? RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember. ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy] RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me? ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. RACH: Huh. ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages? RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.] ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael? [Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]
[Back in Monica's party. Phoebe is talking to a guy and two girls at the party.]
PHOEBE: Alright, I'm sorry but these people needed me. They work hard all week, it's Saturday night, they deserve to have a little fun. Go.
RACHEL: Ok mom, you know what, fine, I'll make an appointment ok, but you know what, right now, I gotta go, I gotta go do a thing.
RACHEL: You want me to see a therapist?
MRS. GREENE: You work and you work and you work at a marriage but all he cares about is his stupid boat.
RACHEL: Daddy, daddy, you know what, I really wanna hear more about this, I really do, but I just have, I just have to do a, some stuff.
MR. GREENE: ...what the hell does she want with half a boat...
Joey: Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as co-host!
MR. GREENE: You work and you work and you work on a boat...
Rachel: (She takes the T-shirt out of the box and holds it to her chest and take a deep breath.) No. Nothing. (She smiles and goes into her room.)
JOEY: Look, it's a nice gesture, it is. But it just feels like--
Phoebe: I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!
Monica: How about, youre moving!! (Grabs a bunch of clothes and throws them into a box. What follows is a brief sequence of Rachel unpacking and Monica packing the same stuff over and over again as Rachel chants "No." and Monica chants "Yes.")
[the guys form a wall between Mrs Geller and Mr Geller and dance across the hall as he walks across]
Monica: Look, I know that you're in a place right now where you really need to hate Julie's guts, but she didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she was just a girl who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that if you gave her a chance, you'd like her. Would you just give that a chance, for me?
MONICA: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.
JOEY: Kinda looks like that stuff you get when you get a bad infection.
PHOEBE: Ok Rachel, make a special flan wish.
FBOB: Look, I am just not strong enough to be in a codependent relationship right now, OK?
[Rachel brings a muffin to Chandler and Monica who are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas.
CHANDLER: That was there when I got here. [Takes a bite of his muffin.]
RACHEL: Ya know, I mean this is supposed to be a joyous occasion. My sister's graduating from college, nobody thought she would. It's a true testament to what a girl from long island would do for a Celica.
[Once again, Chandler has a bite in his mouth and can't come back.]
PHOEBE: Well, I've never had it, I feel so left out. [Sees a red bump on her arm.] Oh look!
RACHEL: So wait, this guy goes down for like two years at a time?
MONICA: Really? Wow, well then come on, I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point.
CHANDLER: It's not that hard to learn. And as for people realizing you have no idea what you're doing, hey, you're an actor. Act like a processor, people will think you're a processor.
JOEY: But don't you need experience for a job like that?
Chandler: Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs.
PHOEBE: Chicken. Which is so ironic considering I'm a vegetarian.
MRS. GREENE: Sweetheart, you obviously have a problem. You've chosen a boyfriend exactly like your father.
PHOEBE: I hate this. 'Cause I tell you, I had the most amazing two weeks planned for us, and almost everything I had in mind, we had to be a lot closer than this.
JOEY: Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid... Ya know what? Just did.
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
PHOEBE: Nope. You don't want to see a face covered with pox.
PHOEBE: Uhh, I can't stop thinking about it. It's just so hard. I just wanna grab all these houses and rub 'em all over my body. [Grabs a handful of the houses.]
ROSS: You know, I might have expected this of you Phoebe, but Ryan, you're a military man.
ROSS: Ok, Phoebe, this is it. In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts. A briefcase of facts, if you will. Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old.
MR. DOUGLAS: I have a family, I'm gonna be here.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm sure you'll teach her a lesson when she steps off the dock onto nothing. Hey Mr. Douglas.
RICHARD: If it's not a right angle, it is a wrong angle.
RICHARD: You know, I like the way you have efficiently folded this tab under. See in a tape emergency you could shave valuable seconds off your time.
RICHARD: Because it's in a slightly different time zone than the kitchen.
MONICA: You would not. I can't believe this. I hate this, you're too normal. I can't believe my boyfriend doesn't have a thing. My boyfriend doesn't have a thing.
Allesandro: Im so excited about having Monica come on board with us. Although I do feel bad about having fired chef Emillio, its like losing a member of the family. Of course, that literally is the case for several of you. Tony, Carlos, Marie, please, tell your father how much were gonna miss him. Now, I know that Monica has a lot of great ideas for this place, well, you all read the review. So without much further ado, I present to you our new head chef.
CHANDLER: I don't, I hate Joseph, ok. I think he's a brown-nosing suck up.
Joey: Multi-colored robes! Ooh, and maybe a hat.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Chandler is asleep in his chair holding a paper in one hand and a pen in the other. Joey walks in, waking up Chandler who covers by pretending to write on the paper.]
PHOEBE: It's such a shame you can't see which finger I'm holding up.
RICHARD: I thought of a thing.
MONICA: No. Big deal, so you have a side of the bed, everybody has a side of the bed.
MONICA: Oh my God, you're a freak.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is closing. Ross walks in in a uniform.]
PHOEBE: I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm used to playing for grown-ups. Ya know, they just, grown-ups drink their coffee and do their grown-up thing, ya know, and kids listen. This is a huge responsibility. What? Are you gonna kiss me?
JOEY: I did do it, I'm a professional.
JOEY: See after the scene, Mr. Beatty comes up to me and says 'good actor, bad kisser'. Can you believe that, me not a good kisser, that's like, like Mother Theresa, not a good mother.
Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus.
Joey: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about her? That cute nibbly noise when she eats. Like a happy little squirrel, or a weasel.
JOEY: You see this, this is a friend.
Phoebe: (in voice, on phone) 'Okay, go ahead.' (in normal voice on phone) Um, hi Annie. (listens) Fantastic! (to Joey) You got it. (on phone) Oh, okay, um, 'Will he work for scale?' you ask me. Well, I don't know about that, (Joey clears his throat to signify yes) except that I do and he will. Great, oh you are such a sweetheart. I would love to have lunch with you, how about we have lunch next....(hangs up phone) Op, went through a tunnel.
PHOEBE: Ooh-oh! Someone's wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Someone get a little action?
MONICA: Hey, you know I got a question for ya. Just a little thing, no pressure.
MONICA: Okay, so, uh, we're in France, we're making the toast. Do you see a little bassinet in the corner?