words in movies
Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)
Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase.
Ross: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.
Joey: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...
Monica: (Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) I'm going to tap class.
Rachel: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.
[Scene: A Tap Class, the girls are standing at the door.]
Teacher: You don't observe a dance class. You dance
Phoebe: (Dancing in a swirly, Phoebe kind of way) I'm totally getting it!
Teacher: Alright people, now everyone grab a partner.
Monica: Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare.
(She starts to walk very slowly toward the front of the room. The teacher grabs her hand and pulls her. Suddenly a woman bursts in)
Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently he's reached sexual maturity.
Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.
Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know that one! ...No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen.
Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y'know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.
Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.
Monica: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!
Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.
Monica: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here. I mean, I'm not like you. I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class.
Monica: Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned.
Fake Monica: I-I used to be just like you. And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society?
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.
Joey: (entering) You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?
Joey: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to Dr. Baldhara, a zookeeper.]
Dr. Baldhara: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel?
Ross: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean...
Dr. Baldhara: How about a hammer, or a small blade?
Ross: Why- why- why would he need a blade?
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.
Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the gains.
Rachel: Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please. Monana, it's for you, the credit card people.
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
Chandler: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn.
Joey: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.
Rachel: (Brings Marcel a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the plane.
Ross: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him.
Ross: Marcel, c'mere, c'mere. (He sits down and Marcel jumps down and sits beside him) Well buddy, this is it. There's just a coupla things I want to say. I'm really gonna miss you, and I'm never gonna forget about you. You've been more than just a pet to me, you've been more like a be- (Marcel climbs down and starts humping his leg) Okay, Marcel, please, could you leave my leg alone? Could you just stop humping me for two seconds?! Marcel, would- okay, just take him away. Just take him.
(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)
[Scene: A Theater, there is a casting session going on for a play.]
Actor: (Very melodramatically, and very badly) Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek...
RACHEL: Ok mom, you know what, fine, I'll make an appointment ok, but you know what, right now, I gotta go, I gotta go do a thing.
RACHEL: You want me to see a therapist?
MRS. GREENE: You work and you work and you work at a marriage but all he cares about is his stupid boat.
RACHEL: Daddy, daddy, you know what, I really wanna hear more about this, I really do, but I just have, I just have to do a, some stuff.
MR. GREENE: ...what the hell does she want with half a boat...
Joey: Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as co-host!
MR. GREENE: You work and you work and you work on a boat...
Rachel: (She takes the T-shirt out of the box and holds it to her chest and take a deep breath.) No. Nothing. (She smiles and goes into her room.)
JOEY: Look, it's a nice gesture, it is. But it just feels like--
Phoebe: I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!
Monica: How about, youre moving!! (Grabs a bunch of clothes and throws them into a box. What follows is a brief sequence of Rachel unpacking and Monica packing the same stuff over and over again as Rachel chants "No." and Monica chants "Yes.")
[the guys form a wall between Mrs Geller and Mr Geller and dance across the hall as he walks across]
Monica: Look, I know that you're in a place right now where you really need to hate Julie's guts, but she didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she was just a girl who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that if you gave her a chance, you'd like her. Would you just give that a chance, for me?
MONICA: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.
JOEY: Kinda looks like that stuff you get when you get a bad infection.
PHOEBE: Ok Rachel, make a special flan wish.
FBOB: Look, I am just not strong enough to be in a codependent relationship right now, OK?
[Rachel brings a muffin to Chandler and Monica who are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas.
CHANDLER: That was there when I got here. [Takes a bite of his muffin.]
RACHEL: Ya know, I mean this is supposed to be a joyous occasion. My sister's graduating from college, nobody thought she would. It's a true testament to what a girl from long island would do for a Celica.
[Once again, Chandler has a bite in his mouth and can't come back.]
PHOEBE: Well, I've never had it, I feel so left out. [Sees a red bump on her arm.] Oh look!
RACHEL: So wait, this guy goes down for like two years at a time?
MONICA: Really? Wow, well then come on, I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point.
CHANDLER: It's not that hard to learn. And as for people realizing you have no idea what you're doing, hey, you're an actor. Act like a processor, people will think you're a processor.
JOEY: But don't you need experience for a job like that?
Chandler: Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs.
PHOEBE: Chicken. Which is so ironic considering I'm a vegetarian.
MRS. GREENE: Sweetheart, you obviously have a problem. You've chosen a boyfriend exactly like your father.
PHOEBE: I hate this. 'Cause I tell you, I had the most amazing two weeks planned for us, and almost everything I had in mind, we had to be a lot closer than this.
JOEY: Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid... Ya know what? Just did.
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
PHOEBE: Nope. You don't want to see a face covered with pox.
PHOEBE: Uhh, I can't stop thinking about it. It's just so hard. I just wanna grab all these houses and rub 'em all over my body. [Grabs a handful of the houses.]
ROSS: You know, I might have expected this of you Phoebe, but Ryan, you're a military man.
ROSS: Ok, Phoebe, this is it. In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts. A briefcase of facts, if you will. Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old.
MR. DOUGLAS: I have a family, I'm gonna be here.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm sure you'll teach her a lesson when she steps off the dock onto nothing. Hey Mr. Douglas.
RICHARD: If it's not a right angle, it is a wrong angle.
RICHARD: You know, I like the way you have efficiently folded this tab under. See in a tape emergency you could shave valuable seconds off your time.
RICHARD: Because it's in a slightly different time zone than the kitchen.
MONICA: You would not. I can't believe this. I hate this, you're too normal. I can't believe my boyfriend doesn't have a thing. My boyfriend doesn't have a thing.
Allesandro: Im so excited about having Monica come on board with us. Although I do feel bad about having fired chef Emillio, its like losing a member of the family. Of course, that literally is the case for several of you. Tony, Carlos, Marie, please, tell your father how much were gonna miss him. Now, I know that Monica has a lot of great ideas for this place, well, you all read the review. So without much further ado, I present to you our new head chef.
CHANDLER: I don't, I hate Joseph, ok. I think he's a brown-nosing suck up.
Joey: Multi-colored robes! Ooh, and maybe a hat.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Chandler is asleep in his chair holding a paper in one hand and a pen in the other. Joey walks in, waking up Chandler who covers by pretending to write on the paper.]
PHOEBE: It's such a shame you can't see which finger I'm holding up.
RICHARD: I thought of a thing.
MONICA: No. Big deal, so you have a side of the bed, everybody has a side of the bed.
MONICA: Oh my God, you're a freak.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is closing. Ross walks in in a uniform.]
PHOEBE: I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm used to playing for grown-ups. Ya know, they just, grown-ups drink their coffee and do their grown-up thing, ya know, and kids listen. This is a huge responsibility. What? Are you gonna kiss me?
JOEY: I did do it, I'm a professional.
JOEY: See after the scene, Mr. Beatty comes up to me and says 'good actor, bad kisser'. Can you believe that, me not a good kisser, that's like, like Mother Theresa, not a good mother.
Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus.
Joey: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about her? That cute nibbly noise when she eats. Like a happy little squirrel, or a weasel.
JOEY: You see this, this is a friend.
Phoebe: (in voice, on phone) 'Okay, go ahead.' (in normal voice on phone) Um, hi Annie. (listens) Fantastic! (to Joey) You got it. (on phone) Oh, okay, um, 'Will he work for scale?' you ask me. Well, I don't know about that, (Joey clears his throat to signify yes) except that I do and he will. Great, oh you are such a sweetheart. I would love to have lunch with you, how about we have lunch next....(hangs up phone) Op, went through a tunnel.
PHOEBE: Ooh-oh! Someone's wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Someone get a little action?
MONICA: Hey, you know I got a question for ya. Just a little thing, no pressure.
MONICA: Okay, so, uh, we're in France, we're making the toast. Do you see a little bassinet in the corner?
JOEY: Aww, Rach, I think you look cute (kisses her on the cheek, then looks at Ross) And you, uh, you, you I could eat with a spoon (goes to kiss him).
Rachel: (starts laughing, Ross stares at her) Im sorry. Im sorry. Youre right, you are a tough guy. Youre the toughest palaeontologist I know.
PHOEBE: You know, what I think is so great that you are totally into this person and yet for all you know she could be like 90 years old, or have two heads, or. It could be a guy.
CHANDLER: Okay, it's not a guy, all right, I know her.
PHOEBE: It could be like a big giant guy.
PHOEBE: We were just wondering if Chandler's girlfriend is a girl.
JOEY: Phoebs, he's just a little dog. [turns back to the car window and the dog is halfway through it.] Ahhh.
PHOEBE: Well at least we know she's a woman.
MR. WINEBURG: I tell ya a lot things!
PHOEBE: What if the husband person is the wrong guy, and you are the right guy. I mean you don't get chances like this all the time, if you don't meet her now, you're gonna be kicking yourself when your 80, which is hard to do, and that's how you break a hip.
CHANDLER: Hey, look, Phoebe I wanted to meet her in person too, okay, but she's married, she has a husband.
[Scene: at Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.]
[Scene: The street, Joey is messing with a car cover and still wearing the Porsche stuff. This guy playing street football catches a pass next to the car cover Joey is fooling around with.]
MR. GELLER: A woman in my office is a lesiban. I'm just saying.
Ross: Order a pizza like, I forgive you?
Ross: No, a car backfired, but (Rachel suddenly calms down) I thought somebody was taking a shot at me. And Rach, I I survived! And I was filled with this-this great respect for life. Y'know? I-I want to experience every moment. I want to seize every opportunity. I-I am seeing everything so-so clearly now.
BEST MAN: (standing up) Yo! Can I have your attention, please, Best Man, making a toast here. Thank you. (clears throat, and starts reading his toast) I remember when Barry got home from his first date with Rachel...
Rachel: Im thinking, Im gonna order a pizza.
RACHEL: Yeah, I love that story. Um, I got a question for you guys. Why do people keep is saying that is good to see me up and about?
[Scene: A tennis court somewhere in the city of New York, it's the doubles match-up of a century Chandler and Monica versus Doug and Kara.]
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
FBOB: OK, look, this isn't the first time somebody's said something to me about this, but, I don't know... I always made excuses about it, like... uhhh... 'I'm just a social drinker,' or, 'C'mon, it's Flag Day.'
MONICA: Oh my God, I can't believe what I'm getting ready to say. I wanna have a baby, but I don't wanna have one with someone who doesn't really wanna have one.
CHANDLER: (noticing a beautiful blond walking in) Ooh, oh, oh, that's her.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading a script as Ross enters]
ROSS: All right I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this, because I wanna be a good friend, and dammit I am a good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes (kisses Joey).
Rachel: No, it's been three nights in a row.
[Ross is sitting on the stairs with a laptop keyboard playing 'Axel-F']
Janice: (laughs) I-I-I gotta go, I gotta go. Okay, not without a kiss.
Rachel: Fine. (on phone) Hi! Yes, Id like to order a large pizza.
Chandler: I can not believe that I am going out with someone that is getting divorced. I'm such a grown up.
PHOEBE: OK. I just met this producer of this like, teeny record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.
Rachel: Monica, you broke up with him for a reason.
[Scene: Ross's bedroom, Ross is working and Rachel is reading a book in bed]
Phoebe: Um, um. It's huge. Yeah, that's the moment, when-when, you know she stopped being a princess, and became, like, a woman, you know.
Ross: She is a kook.
Joey: That thing was a hazard! (To the potential roommate) Im very safety conscious.
Chandler: You know, I may be way out on a limb here, but do you, do you, have a problem with Janice?