words in movies
Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)
Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase.
Ross: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.
Joey: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...
Monica: (Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) I'm going to tap class.
Rachel: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.
[Scene: A Tap Class, the girls are standing at the door.]
Teacher: You don't observe a dance class. You dance
Phoebe: (Dancing in a swirly, Phoebe kind of way) I'm totally getting it!
Teacher: Alright people, now everyone grab a partner.
Monica: Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare.
(She starts to walk very slowly toward the front of the room. The teacher grabs her hand and pulls her. Suddenly a woman bursts in)
Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently he's reached sexual maturity.
Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.
Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know that one! ...No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen.
Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y'know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.
Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.
Monica: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!
Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.
Monica: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here. I mean, I'm not like you. I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class.
Monica: Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned.
Fake Monica: I-I used to be just like you. And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society?
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.
Joey: (entering) You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?
Joey: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to Dr. Baldhara, a zookeeper.]
Dr. Baldhara: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel?
Ross: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean...
Dr. Baldhara: How about a hammer, or a small blade?
Ross: Why- why- why would he need a blade?
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.
Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the gains.
Rachel: Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please. Monana, it's for you, the credit card people.
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
Chandler: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn.
Joey: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.
Rachel: (Brings Marcel a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the plane.
Ross: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him.
Ross: Marcel, c'mere, c'mere. (He sits down and Marcel jumps down and sits beside him) Well buddy, this is it. There's just a coupla things I want to say. I'm really gonna miss you, and I'm never gonna forget about you. You've been more than just a pet to me, you've been more like a be- (Marcel climbs down and starts humping his leg) Okay, Marcel, please, could you leave my leg alone? Could you just stop humping me for two seconds?! Marcel, would- okay, just take him away. Just take him.
(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)
[Scene: A Theater, there is a casting session going on for a play.]
Actor: (Very melodramatically, and very badly) Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek...
Joey: (in his head) 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? (The camera widens its shot to reveal a room full of Joey look-a-likes. Joey looks at the guy next to him and then back at his script.)
Ross: Thats right Lydia, Elizabeth here is a student and uh, were dating. And you may frown upon that, but were not gonna hide it anymore.
Fat Joey: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! (Groans and picks up a piece of food.) How you doin?
Ross: Wow! It actually is in the handbook. I cant date you or have a hot plate in my office. I cant believe we have to stop seeing each other.
Phoebe: Oh no, no, no, no... That's okay, that's okay... I mean, I'm... I am a vegetarian... except for veal... Yeah no, veal I love...
Phoebe: God, what a mess. (She grabs the bowl and heads for Monicas.)
Ross: Lets also get a hot plate!
Joey: Yeah! Well, now that you brought it up, our fridge is broken. We have to get a new one. Now, I checked around and your half is $400. Thanks a lot.
Joey: Look Rach, my parents bought this fridge just after I was born, okay? Now, I have never had a problem with it. Then you show up and it breaks! What does that tell ya?
Joey: All right, now you know that the ATM will only lets you take out 300 at a time, Ill take a check for the other hundred.
Rachel: I dont know, something either trees or diseaseRalph mumbles a lot.
Rachel: Yeah! Its weird. But the thing is need to find a date.
Rachel: Anyway, theres this big charity ball this weekend and Ralph Lauren bought a table, so I kinda have to go
Rachel: Well, someone that has his own tux, or has the ability to rent a tux.
Chandler: So he has to be a male who has at least $50.
Chandler: So, why is she leaving? Is it a school night and she has a lot of homework to do?
Phoebe: (interrupting) Okay, I got a good one. Okay, umm, what is she? Like 12?
Phoebe: Oh thats good, I guess shell have a choice between my guy and your weirdo.
Joey: Hey-hey come on you guys, give him a break. Ross, seriously, hows it going with her?
Ross: Thanks. I know you guys like to give me a hard time and all, but it really means a lot to me that you like her. Just knowing that you guys are
Phoebe: (still reading the label) Oh my God! This is a six-hour pill! (Checks her watch) Thats it! Im out of the woods! Ohh! What a relief!
Chandler: A face ass?
Phoebe: My guy is a lawyer who has volunteer work. And, he has one of these (She squeezes the skin on her chin together to form )
Monica: Well, uh yknow, our guy works with Chandler and hes really nice and smart and hes a great dresser!
Chandler: Why would our guy be a weirdo?
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Phoebe: A chin dimple!
Monica: All right fine, your guy may have a great body, but our guy is really funny.
Monica: Our guys a great dancer!
Phoebe: Well my guy is spectacular. Okay? Hes a massage client and one time umm, when he was on the table, I looked at it. And I mean all of it.
Chandler: (not quite sure where Joeys going and is a little worried) Okay
Ross: Hmm? (Turns around and sees that its Elizabeth) Oh, a student I dont know.
Joey: So what? Look, suppose we were a divorced couple.
Elizabeth: I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment?
Elizabeth: Yeah, we have time off and a lot of people are going on trips
Ross: You dont understand! Elizabeth was about to ask me to go on a trip with her! Is that taking it slow?! No, Im not ready for this! Okay? What-what do I tell her?
Chandler: Then you distract her with a Barbie doll.
Joey: And I got custody of the kid, right? Now suppose the kid dies and-and I gotta buy a new kid.
Joey: I still havent gotten a check for your half yet.
Ross: Joey, I did not break this! Okay? (He opens the freezer and smells inside and recoils in disgust.) That has been broken for a while.
Ross: Huh? Oh-oh, it was fine. Uh, it was just a misunderstanding. She didnt want me to go with her. She just wanted to let me know that shes going to Florida for spring vacation.
Sebastian: Can I get you a cup of coffee?
Ross: Hey, I think Elizabeth is a little more serious than, "Spring break!" (Imitates the party noise.) All right? I mean shes taken my class!
Joey: Relax okay, I-I-I can get this open. Anybody have a coat hanger?
(Ross leaves to do so and Rachel enters with a guy.)
Chandler: Wait a minute, is she going for spring vacation or is she going for spring break? (Does a little whooping/party noise.)
Monica: Yes! We found you a really cute and funny guy from Chandlers work!
Rachel: You found me a guy?
Monica: Are you funny? Tell us a joke!
Sebastian: Actually, I uh, I gotta get going. (To Rachel) Give me a call sometime.
Phoebe: Well, so do a lot of people.
Monica: All right guys stop it. Rachel, were very sorry that is a very insensitive thing for us to do. And yknow what? Let us make it up to you, we have two really great guys for you.
Chandler: Yeah, but Sebastian? What is that? A cats name?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there. Monica is holding a piece of paper.]
Joey: So what? I drove down, sold T-shirts, had a blast. And yknow who knows how to party? Drunk college chicks.
Monica: Okay! Okay! We can take a hint! (They start to leave but run into Phoebe with her guy in tow.) (To Phoebe) What are you doing here?!
Phoebe: Oh! Okay! Yeah, thats okay. (To Patrick) Have a seat. (Sits Patrick down next to Rachel.)
All: (Chandler stops her) No-no-no-no! Have a seat! Have a seat!
Burt: Theyre gonna fire you! You cant date a student! Its against the rules.
Rachel: Ill tell ya who should be embarrassed! Its you guys! Come on! This is ridiculous! Thank you very much, but I do not need you to get me a date!
Ross: It was pretty funny when I, when I hid it for a while, huh? Anyway, umm, I-I am worried about that bathing suit, not because its revealing which Im fine with, no Im concerned about your health, sun exposure.
Ross: So uh, have a great time down there.
Elizabeth: Ross, its going to be okay. Im not going down there to hook up with a bunch of guys. I really like you. I like how things are going between us.
(A group of about 10 guys and no women come running around the corner.)
Chandler: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didnt get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.
Joey: Man, she is going to have a great time! Is she staying at the Hotel Corona?
Rachel: I wanna say a disease.
Phoebe: Dont worry about me, Im a robot! Im just a machine!!
Rachel: Joey, what are you talking about? Youre a terrific actor.
Phoebe: Oh, I want to look too! (She runs over and sits down and checks out a picture). Yikes!
Ross: Really?! (To Rachel) Hey, yknow what? Since you have such a great sense of what I need, uh ooh, heres-heres 60 bucks, why dont you take Phoebe down to that Colonial flea market of yours and get me some stuff.
Joey: (there's a gunshot on TV) There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..." (Does the smell-the-fart look.)
Joey: Uhh, because I'm shooting a scene right now. Yeah, I uh, I play a gladiator. Uh, y'know what? Hold-hold on a second. (To no one in particular) Can we cut? Yeah, my-my friends are here, I'm gonna take a little break.
Ross: Wait a minute, are you doing that thing where you pretend it didnt go well but it really did go well?
[The next flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. Monica is at a job interview at a new restaurant.]
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up.)
Ross: MY SANDWICH!!!!!! (Ross's scream scares a flight of pigeons away.)
Dr. Leedbetter: It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.
Joey: I want this part so much! Yknow? If I dont get this part Im never gonna eat Macaroni and Cheese again!No, I didnt say that! Thats a lie.
[Cut to a shot of a park.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Chandler are playing foosball and Joey scores a goal.]
Joey: Over the line?! You-youre-youre so far past the line, that you-you cant even see the line! The line is a dot to you!
Joey: I was tryin to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what Im gonna do?
Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didnt think big enough to fit a grown man!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, dont hold back. (He dons his protective helmet (Why, I have no clue.) and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)
[Scene: The park, Rachel's running by herself and panting. After a little while she decides to run like Phoebe.]
Monica: Oh, stop beating yourself up! People make mistakes! These things happen! There arent any message youve forgotten to give me are there? (Chandler has a disgusted look on his face.) Apparently youre not very good at it! I
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Ross are at a newsstand.]
Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, its not that common! It doesnt happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering with a peace offering of a Joey Special, two pizzas.]
Chandler: You are gonna be a huge star! Im gonna hug ya!
Joey: Yeah, youre right. Okay look, listen, lets talk about what a huge star Im gonna be!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Phoebe are reading a scene from Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Ross: Thatll be a neat trick, when youre, (looks at the script) when youre dead!
Phoebe: I thought you were excellent! In fact for a minute there I was like, "Ooh, whered Ross go?"
(Liam and Devon both take a swig of their beers, while Ross takes a swig of his coffee. The Brits both crush their cans, and not to be out done, Ross crushes his coffee cup, spilling its contents.)
Monica: (To Chandler) You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?!
Rachel: Oh, wait and on the nineteenth a secret crush announces itself.
Rachel: Op, but the twelfth brings a lovers spat.