words in movies
Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)
Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase.
Ross: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.
Joey: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...
Monica: (Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) I'm going to tap class.
Rachel: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.
[Scene: A Tap Class, the girls are standing at the door.]
Teacher: You don't observe a dance class. You dance
Phoebe: (Dancing in a swirly, Phoebe kind of way) I'm totally getting it!
Teacher: Alright people, now everyone grab a partner.
Monica: Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare.
(She starts to walk very slowly toward the front of the room. The teacher grabs her hand and pulls her. Suddenly a woman bursts in)
Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently he's reached sexual maturity.
Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.
Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know that one! ...No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen.
Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y'know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.
Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.
Monica: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!
Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.
Monica: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here. I mean, I'm not like you. I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class.
Monica: Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned.
Fake Monica: I-I used to be just like you. And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society?
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.
Joey: (entering) You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?
Joey: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to Dr. Baldhara, a zookeeper.]
Dr. Baldhara: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel?
Ross: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean...
Dr. Baldhara: How about a hammer, or a small blade?
Ross: Why- why- why would he need a blade?
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.
Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the gains.
Rachel: Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please. Monana, it's for you, the credit card people.
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
Chandler: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn.
Joey: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.
Rachel: (Brings Marcel a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the plane.
Ross: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him.
Ross: Marcel, c'mere, c'mere. (He sits down and Marcel jumps down and sits beside him) Well buddy, this is it. There's just a coupla things I want to say. I'm really gonna miss you, and I'm never gonna forget about you. You've been more than just a pet to me, you've been more like a be- (Marcel climbs down and starts humping his leg) Okay, Marcel, please, could you leave my leg alone? Could you just stop humping me for two seconds?! Marcel, would- okay, just take him away. Just take him.
(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)
[Scene: A Theater, there is a casting session going on for a play.]
Actor: (Very melodramatically, and very badly) Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek...
PHOE: Oh, um, it was nice. Took him to a romantic restraunt, ordered champagne, nice.
Joey: I got a gig!
Rachel: Oh not bad. Do you know that feeling when youre trying to blow a Saint Bernard out your ass?
Phoebe: Ugh! I dont know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janices ex-husband, thats like betraying Chandler.
MRS GREEN: Oh, am I! I just danced with a wonderfully large woman. And three other girls made eyes at me over the buffet. Oh, I'm not saying it's something I wanna pursue, but it's nice to know I have options.
Phoebe: (sees a little kid playing with a race car bed) (to kid) Hi. Y'know in England this car would be on the other side of the store. (the kid just stares at her, and she makes the that went right over your head motion) Woo!
Joey: I'm sorry, I'm overreacting. Okay, It's just when it comes to food, I have certain rules, okay, I mean (bends down and with his plate and his hands, scrapes the dropped dinner back onto the plate and puts it back on the table) There are things you do..and you now, things.. (takes something from the plate and blows it a little) that you don't do (He takes a bite from it).
Monica: (lying down on a mattress) Oh! Ohhhhh! Oh! Phoebe, come here. Aw, this is my new bed. You gotta feel this bad boy.
Joey: Oh, little party favours, check it out! (Its a shirt that reads, "Ross Geller, Bachelor Bash 1998")
Joey: Yeah, its this great part, this boxer named Nick. And Im so, so right for it, y'know, hes just like me. Except hes a boxer, and has an evil twin.
Phoebe: Y'know I had a dream where Ross and Rachel were still together, they never broke up. And we were all just like hanging out, and everyone was happy....
Guy: Sign here. (hands her a clipboard)
Phoebe: Oh, do I have a middle name. All right Monica Velula Geller. Its that bedroom there. (points to Monicas room)
Joey: Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?
(There is a knock on the door.)
Rachel: What? You wanna see me self-defend myself?! Go over there (points) and pretend youre a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!!
Phoebe: Is that a problem?
Phoebe: Wow! And Im a vegetarian! All right, all right, well Im sorry, well put some ice on it.
Joey: Well, its not a part, no. Im teaching acting for soap operas down at the Learning Extension.
Ross: Its not a library...
Ross: Yeah, if youre really hungry. (Dr. Green stares at him) It was a joke, I made a joke.
Ross: Okay! (picks up a knife and pretends to stab his heart.)
Ross: Wow. Im sorry, when I was a kid I lost a bike to that. (Rachel giggles at that)
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! Its a museum! What, youre the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I dont know to the waiter.)
Dr. Green: Excuse me for a moment, will you please, I want to say good night to the Levines, before we go.
Ross: Thats Daddy?! But doesnt it bother you? Youre a waitress.
Dr. Green: They found rust. You know what rust does to a boat?
Rachel: Yes, it bothers me Ross, but y'know if he was a regular at the coffee house, Id be serving him sneezers.
(Ross takes a twenty and slips it underneath the bill when Dr. Green isnt looking.)
Dr. Green: (gets his receipt and notices the twenty) What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Huh?
Ross: Oh, yeah, that would be me, um, I have, I have a problem I-I tip way too much, way, way, too much, its a sickness really.
Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...
Student: Oh its great, its a role on All My Children, Nick the boxer.
Monica: All right! Okay, its just Phoebe. Wills still on a diet, Chandler doesnt eat Thanksgiving food, and Rachels having her aversion to poultry.
Ross: Four percent. Okay. I tip more than that when theres a bug in my food.
Ross: Look sweetie, I could be the bigger man, I could be the biggest man, I could be a big, huge, giant man, and it still wouldnt make any difference, except that I could pick your Father up and say Like me! Like me tiny doctor!
Phoebe: Im, Im freaking out! Monica kinda trusted me with something and she shouldnt have! All right, I havent lived here in a while, so I have to ask you something. Does Monica still turn on the lights in her bedroom?
Chandler: Y'know what maybe its gonna be okay, I mean its been a week.
Rachel: Okay, well you are just gonna have too, okay. Because I already got a Mother and a Father who cannot stay in the same room together, okay, I dont wanna have to have a separate room for you too!! (starts to cry)
Phoebe: Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords. Transcribers Note: For this one you'll have to use your imagination, 'cause it would take me 50 pages to describe each one. So if you want to see them, you'll have to wait for this episode to come to a TV near you.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Joey: Yeah, I mean its never taken me a week to get over a relationship.
Ross: Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson.
Joey: Uh... y'know, knowledge is a tricky thing.
Dr. Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?
Monica: This place is really my Grandmothers. (Joey starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, Im 87 year old woman, whos afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty?
(Joey fakes a scream.)
JOEY: When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian, but then I found out you had to put your hands into cows and stuff.
(Phoebe takes a bite and spits it out and screams.)
Ross: So whats a matter, you need a dentist? Ive got a good one.
Monica: Its never taken you more than a shower to get over a relationship.
Phoebe: No thanks, I have a good one too. I just, I, I cant see him.
Ross: Thanks, Gunther. (takes the plate Gunther serves him and Rachel comes up and kisses him) (to Rachel) Hey! (to Gunther) Umm, can I get a napkin too?
MONICA: You can't be a lawyer. You're eight.
MONICA: That's good, have a seat. Um, the doctor says it's gotta be a needle. You're just gonna have to be brave, ok? Can you do that for me?
Phoebe: All righty. Ill be back in-in a little bit. Unless you wanna come with me?
Rachel: Okay, let me just get a cup of coffee.
Joey: Ive got a science question.
Rachel: Or. We could put a hat on his head.
Monica: A hat! Yes! We need a hat.
Monica: Because hell know what to do? (Rachel comes out of her room with a bear thats dressed in a rain suit.) Oh my God, youre a genius!
Monica: Where are we gonna find a tiny little hat?
Joey: Id really prefer a mountain bike.
Rachel: We need a hat..
Chandler: Hey! Hold on a minute, hold on a second. Do you think these pearls are nice?
Phoebe: I dont know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I dont know how you fight that.
PHOEBE: And he's going to be paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball on top.
Phoebe: (turning around and picking a cup off of a table) Oh, hey, look, I found coffee! (handing her the cup) Okay, lets skedaddle.
Chandler: Thats a good idea, Dear Janice have a Hubba-Bubba birthday. I would like to get her something serious.
Monica: Here. Ben, do you wanna play the airplane game, do you wanna show Rachel? Come here. (takes Ben) Were gonna do something fun. Okay. (throws Ben up in the air a little bit and catches him) Weee!! (moves into the living room and does it again) Weee!! (starts to walk back into the kitchen as she does it again, and hits Bens head on that wooden beam across the ceiling.)
Rachel: Oh yeah! Y'know, if its not a headboard, its just not worth it.
Rachel: Come on, its a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasnt smoked since.
Chandler: (giving her a bag) Here.
Phoebe: (in a deep voice, imitating Ross) Um, Rachel Im really sorry. (imitating Rachel) Thats okay, do you wanna get back together? (imitating Ross) Yeah, okay. (in her normal voice) Did anyone else hear that?!
[Ross enters behind Rachel, and look at each other for a moment.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is waiting for Janice to arrive, and is angrily fllipping through a magazine.]
Rachel: Well maybe hes just taking a nap.
Joey: Hey uh, whats a matter?
Joey: Well, now we got a reason.
Joey: They have a kid together, y'know. Theyre like, theyre like a family, and if, I dont know, theres chance they could make that work, I know I wouldnt want to be the guy who stood in the way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, come poke a nude guy?
Rachel: Are you, are you, are you sure its ah, a new bump? I mean, no offense, Ive always thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy headed child.
Ross: Oh, and also, hes, hes walkin kind of funny, his left leg is moving a lot faster than his right leg, and hes in there just sort of y'know... (walks around in a circle)
Phoebe: (in a coy tone) Oh, you caught me. I am so busted.
Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I dont wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y'know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y'know Youre the reason, you are the reason why their not together. and I hated that guy. And it didnt matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.
Rachel: Okay. Okay honey, hes fine, hes fine, lets just put him down. Come here, Ben. (sets him on the couch) See thats a good boy. (to Monica) How could you do that to him!! Ross trusted me, what is he going to say?!
Phoebe: Im telling you hes dead. What we are about to have here is a dead fat guy on a stick.
Ross: Can we please focus here, a naked mans life hangs in the balance!
[The video is a very dramatic episode with an obviously dubbed voice for Phoebe. Everyone watches in disbeliefe]
Chandler and Phoebe: Ill be a fool for you. Im sure, you know I dont mind.
The Guys: (reacting to a play) Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Awww!
Joey: Hey, who wants to ah, throw the ball around a little, maybe get a little three on three going?
(Monica enters, wearing a walkman, so she doesn't hear what the others say)
Monica: Well, every, every Thanksgiving um, we used to have a touch football game called the Geller Bowl.
Rachel: Um, there was a Geller Cup?
Monica: Well yknow, Im just-Im just worried that bosses will see them and think they pay you too much money. Or! Or your assistant will see them and-and want a raise!
Monica: Y'know what, I think we should play a game. I mean come on, its been twelve years.
(they walk over to the sink and discuss it for a moment)
Chandler: But wait a minute though, how are we gonna get there, though, because my Mom wont let me cross the street.
Ross: Can I see you for a second?
PHOEBE: (singing angrily) Terry's a jerk, and he won't let me work, and I hate Central Perk!