words in movies
Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)
Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase.
Ross: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.
Joey: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...
Monica: (Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) I'm going to tap class.
Rachel: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.
[Scene: A Tap Class, the girls are standing at the door.]
Teacher: You don't observe a dance class. You dance
Phoebe: (Dancing in a swirly, Phoebe kind of way) I'm totally getting it!
Teacher: Alright people, now everyone grab a partner.
Monica: Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare.
(She starts to walk very slowly toward the front of the room. The teacher grabs her hand and pulls her. Suddenly a woman bursts in)
Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently he's reached sexual maturity.
Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.
Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know that one! ...No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen.
Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y'know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.
Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.
Monica: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!
Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.
Monica: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here. I mean, I'm not like you. I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class.
Monica: Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned.
Fake Monica: I-I used to be just like you. And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society?
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.
Joey: (entering) You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?
Joey: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to Dr. Baldhara, a zookeeper.]
Dr. Baldhara: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel?
Ross: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean...
Dr. Baldhara: How about a hammer, or a small blade?
Ross: Why- why- why would he need a blade?
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.
Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the gains.
Rachel: Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please. Monana, it's for you, the credit card people.
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
Chandler: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn.
Joey: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.
Rachel: (Brings Marcel a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the plane.
Ross: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him.
Ross: Marcel, c'mere, c'mere. (He sits down and Marcel jumps down and sits beside him) Well buddy, this is it. There's just a coupla things I want to say. I'm really gonna miss you, and I'm never gonna forget about you. You've been more than just a pet to me, you've been more like a be- (Marcel climbs down and starts humping his leg) Okay, Marcel, please, could you leave my leg alone? Could you just stop humping me for two seconds?! Marcel, would- okay, just take him away. Just take him.
(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)
[Scene: A Theater, there is a casting session going on for a play.]
Actor: (Very melodramatically, and very badly) Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek...
Chandler: Yes! Im fine. In fact Ive been fine for a long time now and I think, the reason is you.
Mr. Thompson: Our next item is the romantic trip to Paris. (Pause.) It goes to Emil Alexander high a high bid of 2,300.
Phoebe: But you-you cant leave me with them! We-were a team! Were playing a zone! Theyre gonna triple team me!
Rachel: Why would a charity give away a free boat?!
Mr. Thompson: Your generous contribution brings us a big step closer to building the youth center.
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey! You cant leave Joey! You agreed to buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna kill me!
[Scene: A Dry Cleaners, Joey is there with Phoebe and is trying to get his picture put back amongst the other celebrities hanging on the walls.]
Joey: Oh wow, what a beautiful name! (Pause) What is it again?
Chandler: (stopping him from going any further) Before you say anything, have we got a story for you! Guess who we bumped into at dinner!
Chandler: I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy.
[Scene: A Union battlefield hospital, Phoebe, in a past life, is tending to a wounded Union soldier. (By the way, for historical perspective, 1862 was the second year of the American Civil War.)]
Ross: Yeah, I was but uh, she was a little busy with a water balloon fight.
Ross: No! No! I didnt do that. Its just Okay, honestly no. I dont, I dont see a big future with her.
Joey: Uhh, excuse me is there a Mr. Bowmont at this table?
Rachel: Well-well a little blind sided but yknow good.
Joey: You-you have to pay that! Its not just a guess.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Right down there. (Points.) Hey listen; let me give you a little tip. Do not take a nap on this stoop (Points to hers) or you can wake up with your shoes gone.
Mr. Bowmont: What the hell, its for a good cause! All right!
Phoebe: Well, a palm reader, a manicurist, a hand doctor
Chandler: Who walks into a room and asks to see a persons hands?!
Phoebe: Yeah! Yeah! Convince her that-that youre scared of commitment! Convince her that youre a little coward!
Chandler: Okay, okay, here she comes! (Sits on the couch next to him.) How do I look? Do I look like a guy who doesnt want to get married?
(She throws a water balloon at him and hits him on the head and hits him again at the waist with another one.)
Monica: Well thats a little crazy. Although I am yknow glad to hear that youre branching out on what you look at on the Internet.
[Scene: Monicas Restaurants kitchen, shes cooking as a waitress sticks her head in.]
(We hear the backup horn of a truck and see through the window that the Mr. Bowmont has arrived.)
Waitress: Hey Monica, theres a customer who wants to complement the chef, should I let him in?
Ross: (to Chandler) Thats a duck.
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
Joey: (on a pay phone holding a box) Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests!
(They both take a drink of coffee.)
[Scene: A Pizza Joint, Chandler and Monica are eating lunch.]
Monica: Wait a minute. Are you honestly telling me that-that you may never want to get married?
Chandler: (to them) Its okay, I got a plan.
Monica: Do you really see this as a long-term thing?
Phoebe: You mean a backup?
Phoebe: Well hey, its just a backup.
Monica: Have you seen Rachel? Or a mirror?
Joey: Chandler giving you a hard time huh?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is watching a show about the extinction of the dinosaurs.]
Rachel: Yeah, love. Its a tricky business isnt it?
Rachel: Phoebe?! Wait abut-but she just, she said that Joey was her backup.
Rachel: Ross! I just had a conversation with her, and she said that she and Joey made a deal!
Monica: Its not like I want to get married tomorrow! Its just that I-Id like to believe that Im in a relationship thats actually going somewhere, that Im not just wasting my time!
(Theres a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.)
Ross: Thats impossible! I mean we have had a deal for years! We-we-we shook on it, although believe me she wanted to do a lot more than that.
Joey: Look, Chandler I dont think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica!
Monica: Yeah, Ill have a scotch
Richard: Yeah hes no good. Do you ever (pause) think about me in a (pause) non-eye doctor way?
Monica: Uh yeah, I-I actually I thought about you a couple months ago.
Richard: So Monica let me ask you a question. Yknow, since we broke up do you ever, think about me?
Phoebe: All right well lets see, Ross is a good father, but Joey has a boatThis is hard!
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
Chandler: (to him) Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring youre about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, Im gonna need to have that back. (The guy isnt sure.) But, in exchange Im willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. (Looking at the ring.) Ew.
Monica: I missed this apartment! Now, this is a grown-ups apartment! Yknow, I-I should be with a grown-up, do you know what I mean?!
Richard: Yeah! Youre saying, you need to be with someone more mature. Maybe someone with, a license to practice medicine. Or a mustache.
Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.
Ross: (picking up a book) Hey, hey, Yertle the Turtle. A classic.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]
A Woman: What is taking so long?! I mean whatever!
Chandler: Oh my God, I cant believe this! Yknow, I thought I thought you were a good guy.
Chandler: But I am willing to offer her all those things. This was just a plan, yknow? A way to throw her off course so that when I offered her all these things, shed be surprised!
Chandler: Yeah I even (pause) got a ring. (Puts in on the center cushion.) Did you get a ring?
Chandler: Yknow Richard you are a good guy.
Chandler: Well why didnt you stop her?! Why didnt you just tell her it was a plan?!
Joey: Shes gone. She had a bag and she left.
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
Ross: (in a 5 year olds tone) (To Monica) You are such a tattletale! Mom, Dad, you remember that-that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?
(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)
Monica: Chandler In all my life I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to fall in love with my best my best Theres a reason why girls dont do this!
(Rachel turns and gives him a look, and Joey quickly apologises.)
(Everyone screams and has a group hug.)
Monica: I knew you were likely to take a wife!
Ross: Oh, I thought it was just a kid yelling, "Im gay! Im gay!" Can I bring her in?
[Scene: Kleinmans, a horde of women including Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica are waiting for the store to open.]
Rachel: Yeah Pheebs, honey, she just got engaged a couple of hours ago. I doubt shes even had time to
Phoebe: So have you decided on a band for the wedding? Because, yknow, Im kinda musical.
(A brief silence ensues.)
Joey: But I-I-I cant stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. Im supposed to be playing a 19-year-old. (Everyone stops in their tracks upon hearing this.) What?
Chandler: Theres gonna be a wedding. Youre gonna be the bride. Two hundred people are going to be looking at you in a clean white dress.
Monica: (chasing after him) Chandler! It happens to lots of guys! You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, dont worry about it!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, time lapse, Chandler is fully dressed and slowly walking out of the bedroom with a distressed look on his face.]
A Woman: Here he comes! Hurry!
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o."
Monica: (looking at her hand) Yknow what shoes would look great with this ring? Diamond shoes! (Sees Chandler sitting on the bed.) Youre not getting dressed. (Chandler quietly folds over the comforter on the bed making a spot for her.)
Chandler: Oh, dont worry about it I mean you probably were tired, you had a lot of champagne, it happens to everybody.
Rachel: I dont know, yknow? I feel a little umm No, yknow what? Nevermind, Im gonna be fine.
Rachel: Yeah, just give me a minute! (Thinking) Oh well, yes, I can think of one good thing.
Ross: I meanno, its just cause, its just cause you and I were like a nightmare. (Screams.) No, but there was some good times.
Ross: Oh good, you scared me for a minute.
Ross: A what?
Ross: Okay, this is getting a little crazy. I mean, Im-Im sure it would be amazing but I gotta say I really-really dont think it would be a good idea. Yknow? I really, really dont.
Phoebe: (Mike now enters and stands behind Phoebe) Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong. No, he's not in like a sissy way. No, no, no... when he gets going, he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave...
Monica: (To Rachel) Hey! Dont be a baby!
Joey: When? Today? Some, not a lot.
Chandler: Uhh, youve had a lot of sex right?
Monica: (interrupting) Can I ask you just a little question, huh? Why tonight?
Ross: It was just a kiss. (Phoebe enters and overhears this.)
Ross: (thinking) Oh. (Pause) Oh! Oh my God! Okay, I know this, give me-give me a second!
Phoebe: What a great night, Chandler cant do it, these guys kissed (Points to Ross and Rachel.)