words in movies
Chandler: Oh! Good for you Pheebs, way to go! (Breathes a sigh of relief)
Phoebe: No, I like him a lot but I don't think I'm ready for this!
Phoebe: Because you are so afraid of commitment! You talk to him, make him scared like you! Make him a man!
Chandler: I'll try, but I'm not sure what good it would do, y'know? Because I'm a lot less afraid of commitment than I used to be.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are playing catch with a little foam globe.]
Joey: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.
Joey: Oh, I-I, I think that's the first time I ever missed a meal! (Checks his pants.) Yeah, my pants are a little loose!
Rachel: All right listen umm, I just bought something I'm not sure she's gonna like it, and it's gonna seem a little crazy, but this is something that I wanted since I was a little girl.
(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)
Rachel: It's a, it's a cat!
Joey: That, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.}
Rachel: Excuse me! But this is a purebred, show-quality Sphinx cat!
Rachel: Well, it was a little extravagant, but I a pretty good deal.
Rachel: A thousand bucks.
Ross: ON A CAT??!!!!
Joey: It's not a cat!
Rachel: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!
Ross: Free cats do that too, y'know. {Which reminds me, if I might get a little political here, support your local animal shelter. Pet shops are not the place to buy dogs and cats from, you get a much better deal from the shelter, plus they probably won't die on you in a week and a half. If you want a leash, go to the pet shop. If you want the dog for that leash, go to the shelter and save it's life. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.}
Joey: It's not a cat!
Rachel: Ugh! Look you guys, I'm really excited about this! Okay? I don't care what you think! I'm gonna go set up a little litter box for Mrs. Whiskerson. (They both glare at her.) Well, what am I gonna call her? Fluffy?!
[Scene: the 5th Precinct, Gary's precinct, Chandler has come to talk to him about commitment. And as he's walking through the door he notices a couple of "Ladies of the night" sitting there. (If you know what I mean.)]
Chandler: Gary, I'm here to report a crime.
Chandler: It is a crime that you and I don't spend more time together.
Chandler: Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.
Ross: now when they found the remains of the Mesozoic Mastodon they discovered what appeared to be the remains of a Paleozoic Amphibian in its jaws! How did it get there?!
{Y'know, sometimes I think the script writers throw in a line like that to try to trip me up. But it won't work. I'll always have the last laugh! <manical_laugh.wav> Okay, so maybe I'm a little deluded, it's probably just my spellchecker. But, I must admit I did get Mesozoic and Paleozoic on the first attempt. Yay me! Anyhoo }
Joey: Maybe this should be more of a quiet game.
Ross: How do you know? You don't have a watch.
Monica: (on phone, faking she's sick) I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into work today, I don't feel very good. (Joey makes a high throw and Monica has to catch it way over her head.) (Not sounding sick) Yes!! (Realizes what she just did.) (Sounding sick again) Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not. (Hangs up and keeps throwing the ball.)
Rachel: Oh, wow! Congratulations, that's quite a waste of time.
Rachel: Oh yeah, I got a cat.
Monica: I don't want a cat!
Joey: Oh, don't worry, it's not a cat.
Ross: Doesn't sound as crazy as paying a thousand dollars for a cat.
Monica: (To Rachel) What?! You paid a thousand dollars for a cat when you owe me 300!!
Chandler: He's a great guy, y'know? And he loves you a lot, you are a very lucky lady.
Gary: (To Phoebe) Hi sweetie. (Kisses her.) Hi, can I talk to you for a second?
Phoebe: No that's not true. If you're not moving forward, you're just staying still. And staying still is good. Watch this. (She stays still for a brief second.)
Phoebe: That is so sweet. But don't you think it's a little too soon? I mean there's so much we don't know about each other.
Phoebe: I really don't want to mess up what we have. I'm justI'm worried it's gonna be a big mistake.
Monica: He's a dropper!
Chandler: I'm not a dropper!
Ross: It's really a uh-uh three person game, y'know?
Joey: Whoa-whoa you guys, it's not a cat!
Chandler: Maybe that's because she's a minion of the anti-Christ.
Rachel: Well, they said would but they would only give me store credit. I mean, what am I going to do, get a thousand regular cats?
Rachel: No Mon that's not the point. I'm out a thousand dollars, I'm all scratched up, and I'm stuck with this stupid cat that looks like a hand! (Storms out.)
Monica: Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!! (Quickly grabs a tissue to wipe her eyes.) Oh God! Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close.
Phoebe: I couldn't tell him no. He got so sad. Maybe it'll be all right. I do really like him a lot and probably do it eventually anyway and plus, think of all the money I'll save on stamps.
Monica: Why, do you write him a lot?
Phoebe: No, as soon as something opens up we'll move right in. Unless it doesn't have a pool, I need a pool. (Turns away from him.)
Gary: Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
Gary: Take a seat. You okay? You feeling all right? (Closes the door and takes off his coat.)
Gary: In a minute. You-you checked today's Post?
Gary: Phoebe, it's okay that you feel this way. I mean it is soon. And there's a lot of things we don't know about each other, and I just figure that everything I really like. And the things I don't know, I get to learn about at someplace with both our names on the mailbox.
Rachel: Show cat! Quality show cat! Show cat! (A woman approaches.)
Rachel: It's not a baby! It's a cat!
Woman No. 2: Maybe. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was just going to go to the shelter (Good for her) but Okay, why not?
Rachel: Okay, a thousand.
Rachel: Well, I do, but you're just gonna have to actually look at this as more of an investment than a cat.
Woman No. 2: Okay, yeah, I just wanted a cat. (Starts to leave.)
Rachel: It's not! I'm defrosting a chicken. (Pause) Oh, I uh sold Mrs. Whiskerson.
Monica: Wow! You made a profit!
Phoebe: I like waking up with you too. (Looks out the window) Oh! It's such a beautiful morning. (Some birds are singing outside the window) Oh, I can stay here all day.
Gary: Wait, just a second.
Chandler: Come on! Gary's such a great guy! Whatever the problem is, you can work it out!
Phoebe: He shot a bird!
Chandler: Y'know, how did I get this reputation as a dropper? Okay? I'm anything but a dropper. (We see various scenes of him dropping a football, a mug of coffee, the phone, an apple, a Frisbee, a record, and the final scene has a ball bouncing off of his chest. I'm not going to describe them, you'll have to see them.)
Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way.
PHOEBE: Ooh, this is it, 74. [screeches to a halt, Joey and Chandler are thrown into the plexiglass wall in the cab]
Janice: Ohhh, are you a puppy! (opens it) Contact paper! I never really know what to say when someone you're sleeping with gives you contact paper.
Phoebe: It was really fun, I mean I've never talked on a car phone before.
Chandler: Well, not me. But that's what's happened, and, ah, and, and there's more. We should take a trip.
Chandler: Yep, we're a couple and that's what couples do. And, I wanna meet your parents. We should take a trip with your parents!
Chandler: 'Cause, I wanted to uh, give you this. (hands her a present)
Janice: Well, I gotta buy a vowel. Because, oh my Gawd! Who, would've thought that someday, Chandler Bing would buy me a drawer.
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Rachel: Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Maybe it's not so bad. How did you leave it?
Rachel: Honey, this will help. (hands him a tub of ice cream)
Rachel: Oooh, honey, you're not a total loser.
PHOEBE: OK, hi. For your information this is exactly what I wanted. This is a tattoo of the earth as seen from a great distance. It's the way my mother sees me from heaven.
Phoebe: Not personal, really, well they said that they never met an Italian actor with a worse Italian accent.
Phoebe: But they shouldn't happen, you know what, you're, you're in a terrible, terrible business. Oh God, I don't wanna be the person who makes your face look like that.
Chandler: (in accent) Oh, just a bit of shopping. How've you been?
Chandler: A woman's
Chandler: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm just picking up some things for a party. (grabs a bag off of the shelf)
Ross: Okay, look, yesterday I would've even considered calling her back, but my ex-wife calls on the same day I have a near death experience. I mean, that-that has got to mean something!
Joey: Wait a minute.
Joey: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.
Joey: Wait a minute, did you just make up all that stuff just to get out of being my agent.
Monica: If-if-if we ever did what you did a man would never call.
Rachel: He's soo lucky, if Janice were a guy, she'd be sleeping with somebody else by now.
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Monica: What are you being such a weenie for? So he has a Barbi, big deal. You used to dress up like a woman.
Dr. Long: Youre about 80 percent effaced, so youre on your way. It still could last a little while longer. If youre anxious there are a few ways to help things along.
Phoebe: No. They said you 'Weren't believable as a human being.' So, you can work on that.
Carol: Oh please God, let there be a song.
Monica: Wasn't there a little song?
Chandler: Youre building a post office?
Joey: No. Y'know how were always saying we need a place for the mail.
Joey: No, an entertainment unit, with a mail cubby built right in. Its a one day job, max.
Phoebe: No, I know, Im just nervous. Y'know its just y'know Moms dead, dont talk to my sister, Grandmas been sleeping a lot lately. Its like the last desperate chance to have a family, y'know, kinda thing. Youre so sweet to wait with me.
Chandler: (in a British accent) Hello, Janice.
Chandler: Well, we have a deal, where we each get to pick five celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one cant get mad.
Monica: No, but he told me, he thinks your a fox.
Rachel: Well, actually Gunther sent me. Youre not allowed to have cups out here, its a thing. (takes her cup and goes back inside)
Joey: Its just a game Mon. (makes a Can-you-believe-her face to the rest of the gang.) Rach, how about you?
Monica: First, I need a boyfriend, then I can have a list.
Rachel: Now, you do realize that shes a cartoon, and way out of your league?
Phoebe: I cant!! I cant!! (She dies.) Noooooooo!!!!!!! You son of a bitch!!!!!
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, Joey is drilling a hole in the wall and the drill comes out the other side really close to Chandlers head. Chandler then rushes out to talk to Joey.]
Rachel: Well, so, now, do you guys have a lot of big plans?
Joey: Well, you shouldve told me that before, Im not a mind reader. Hey, were out of beer. Im going to Monicas.
Joey: (manages to pry off only a small piece) Aw! Look at that, every inch of this stuff is glued down. Itd take forever to pry this up. You should ah, you should just leave it. (starts to walk away, but Monica grabs him)
Monica: Thats a little more than I wanted to see.
Monica: I cant leave it! You gouged a hole in my dingy floor.
Frank: I know a guy whos the 18th.
Paolo: Poco... a leetle.
Rachel: Oh my God! You are giving this a lot of thought.
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank is melting a plastic spoon.]
Phoebe: So far, it kinda blows. I dont know, I just thought y'know that hed feel more like a brother y'know, like you and Ross, just like close and connected and....
Chandler: Oh, just this! (turns around and has a paint lid stuck to the back of his pants.) Yknow what its my fault really, because the couch is usually where we keep the varnish.
Monica: well no offense honey, but your taste is a little feminine for me.
Phoebe: Oh! Im a masseuse. I give people massages and stuff.
CHANDLER: I, I'm sorry, I uh [unchains the door and opens it all the way] I already have a roommate. [Joey turns around in the leather recliner]
Monica, Moncia, have a happy Chanukah. Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross. And plese tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!"
Chandler: What, like a number?
Chandler: (coughing) What a geek!
ROSS: Hey Joey I have to cancel racketball for tonight, that was Marcel's trainer. He's gonna let me have him for a couple of hours.
Frank: No, your a masseuse, its cool, Im not a cop.
Girl: Whatd you think I was, a hooker?
Joey: (Checks to see if shes drooling on his shirt.) Okay. Okay, okay, hey. (Lays her down and covers her with a blanket.) There we go, lets get your feet up there. (Looks at her) Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams. (Picks up a garbage can) Im gonna put this can right here in case you have to hurl.
Frank: Oh come on we went, we went to Time Square, we found ninja stars, I almost got arm broken by a hooker...
Joey: Look its not that bad. So what, it blocks a little of your door, a little of my door.
Chandler: Yeah, y'know what I got a better idea. How-how bout it blocks none of mine door and a lot of yours? (throws his shoulder into the center to try and move it, but it doesnt move.)
Frank: You hopped a little bit. Yeah, I really sorry.
Joey: I bet ya ya I could fit in there. (points to a hole in the center)
PHOEBE: I didn't watch the ending, I was too depressed. It just kept getting worse and worse, it should have been called, "It's a sucky life and just when you think it can't suck any more it does."
Chandler: Yeah, you got me. (picks up a 2x4 and puts it through the handles so that the doors wont open) Im out five big ones! (puts the money in the crack between the door and frame) Here you go.
Janice: Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has sleep with the six of you?
Joey: Well, thats really a different question.
Phoebe: Wow, its like a dirty math problem.
Janice: Im sorry I find it hard to believe that a group of people who spends as much time together as you guys do has never bumped uglies.
Monica: (entering from bedroom) Okay, Ill be back in just a minute. Oh, Phoebe Im sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.
Chandler: (entering, with a goatee) Hey.
Joey: Hey, theres a dog out there!
Rachel: Ross, please, trust me. I buy 30 fashion magazines a month. Now, I don't know who's running for president or who that... NATO guy is, but I do know that you have to get as far away as you can from that hat.
Chandler: Im never gonna find a roommate, ever.
Ross: Yeah, y'know how I have you guys, well she doesnt really have any close friends that are just hers, but last week she meet this woman at the gym, Susan something, and they really hit it off, and I-I-I think its gonna make a difference
Rachel: Okay sir, um-mm, let see if I got this right. Ah, so this is a half-caf, double tall, easy hazel nut, non-fat, no foam, with whip, extra hot latte, right? (the guy nods) Okay, great. (she starts to walk away and under her breath) You freak.
[Scene: Chandlers, Chandler is interviewing a potential roommate.]
Eric: Oh, yeah, during the summer, I spend most weekends at my sisters beach house, which you are welcome to use by the way. Although, I should probably tell you, shes a porn star. (Chandler breaks his pencil in half)
Mr. Zelner: Yeah, its not like I dont have a sense of humor, huh? Hell, I even enjoy a naughty limerick now and then. But theres a time and a place, huh?! Unless you uh, have a limerick right now? (They both nod no.) No? Okay, well uh, youve (Grabs the chocolates.) got my fax number. (Exits.)
Ross: Oh no, no, no, wait, wait, Isabella. Dont, dont just dismiss this so fast. I mean this is a once in a lifetime opportunity...
Chandler: But you said you forgave me. It was just a couple of cigarettes�no big deal.
Chandler: (to bartender) Can I get a beer.
[Scene: A bar, Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: Oh yes, and thats what I want a roommate that I can walk around with and be referred to as the funny one.
Rachel: Thats all right. (to her friends) I mean hard is it to get a couple drinks right, huh?
Monica: Oh look, the pool tables free. Rack em up. Ill be back in just a minute. Get ready for me to whip your butt.
Phoebe: Theyve been quiet for a long time.
Monica: Hey, did you pick a roommate?
Joey: (in a very aaaaahhhhh sweeeeeet voice) Aaahhh, look at you two... holding hands... huh is this getting serious? (Phoebe and Mike, embarrassed, start babbling and look away.) Have you not talked about it yet? (They say nothing now, but smile) Am I making you uncomfortable? (smiles are becoming forced now, and he speaks to Mike) If you were bigger you'd hit me, huh...? Aaaaaahhhhhh (he turns away to the bar)
Friend No. 2: Oh, isnt it exciting, I mean its like having a boyfriend for life.
Rachel: Yes, his name is Barry, hes a doctor, thank you very much.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. (points at Chandler, who holds up the cue ball as a Remember me? thing) Listen, can we please have lunch the next time Im in the city?
Ross: Okay, Im done with my choices, these are final. (holds up a little card)