words in movies
Rachel: Well, my eye is a little itchy.
Rachel: (flinches) Ross! Come on! That's all right! Fine--Okay, I have a weird thing about my eye. Can we not talk about it please?
Phoebe: Ohh, give him a kiss for me!
Phoebe: Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, "Ross" on it.
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!
Joey: It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years."
Joey: Road trip! Yeah, we can rent a car! I just have to be there by Tuesday!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a map as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot right?
Phoebe: Ooh, if you take the northern route there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees. {Okay, I must protest this, I've lived in Illinois all my life and know of no man with a beard of bees! Wisconsin, on the other hand, might be a different story.}
Phoebe: But on the southern route there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.
Phoebe: Oh, I know a way that you can decide! All right, I'm going to ask you a series of questions and you answer as quickly as you can.
Phoebe: Good, but wait. Okay, all right, here we go. Now I want you to relax. Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. (Quickly) Which do you like better peanut butter or egg whites?
Phoebe: Which would you rather be a fireman or a swimmer?
Joey: A swimmer!
Ross: Uhh, not much. You guys want to see a movie tonight?
Phoebe: Umm, no thank you. (She gets up and moves to the couch. They were at a table previously.)
The Doctor: I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were a little nervous, but don't worry everything's gonna be just fine.
Dr. Miller: This is a glaucoma test.
Dr. Miller: But your chin here. (She does so.) Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye.
Monica: A small puff of air, now come on!
Dr. Miller: Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new.
Dr. Miller: And I'll fit you for a glass eye.
Monica: I sure do! (She runs over to a drawer, opens it, and grabs a lollipop.) (To Rachel) And you don't get one!
Rachel: Y'know, I-I gotta tell ya, those eye drops are a miracle. My eye is a 100% better.
Chandler: Yeah, listen, how cold is it going to be there? Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough? (Holds up 3 of them in different colors.)
Phoebe: Thanks a lot! I just got that jerk out of my mind!
Chandler: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?
Joey: Uh no, not really. It's an independent film y'know? So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.
Chandler: I see, but once you get your first paycheck you'll be springing a big hotel suite, right? I mean, lead in a movie, they must be paying you a lot?
Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Ross: I just wanna say good-bye to you guys and to see if you guys will place a little bet for me, huh? Twenty bucks on black 15.
Rachel: Well, wait a minute! The puss is good! It means it's healing! (Runs after him.)
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away) Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He grabs the magazine away from her.)
Phoebe: Oh no, I am mad at you. I know that much. But, I am sorry about the fat ass thing. You actually have a very sweet little hiney.
Chandler: We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once.
Joey: Don't worry, it's out there! (Just then a horn honks and Joey quickly looks at the road.) I think I just need lunch.
Joey: Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear!
Joey: You don't think this is going to be a big break for me?
Joey: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!
Chandler: They're not even paying ya! This doesn't even sound like a real movie!
Joey: Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone.
Chandler: All right, I'll tell ya what, the next time you ask me a question like that I'll lie.
Rachel: Oh, did you beat him at a board game? He turns into such a baby when he starts to lose.
Chandler: I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast.
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
Monica: Yes! All right, y'know what? Why don't we start with a practice run? Okay?
Rachel: Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune! (Monica is straddling Rachel and holding her arms down. In a rather risqu� pose, at least for primetime TV.)
Joey: (on a pay phone holding a box) Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests!
Joey: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.
Monica: Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second. (She hands the phone to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh that's my grandma. (Joey holds the box away from him.) And thanks Joey she's having a really great time. (Joey is happy now.)
Chandler: That's a good idea. I wonder where I could (Pause) get a basket of porn
Phoebe: Y'know what you should send him? A cartoon of cigarettes. 'Cause that why he could trade it for protection. No. That's prison.
Phoebe: Oh, come on! Yes, remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing chess, you said I was boring, and then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz! (Realizes) Okay, there's a chance this may have been a dream.
[Scene: The desert outside of Las Vegas, Joey is arriving and we hear the song, Name. Y'know, (singing) I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert, you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La la la-la-la, la, la, la, la-la-la. You get the idea. Anyhoo, he pulls up and stops. As he gets out of the car, he spills a huge pill of fast food containers out of the foot well.]
Stanley: It's a money thing, we don't have any.
Stanley: I don't know. A week? Maybe two? The money will turn up! People will always wanna invest in movies! Hey, you're not rich are ya?
Stanley: Eh, worth a shot. (Gets into his car.) Look Joey, let me know where you're staying, okay? (The car peels away.)
(I think one of the grips walk up to Joey, mainly because there's a credit for The Grip. What the heck is a grip anyway?!)
The Grip: These got left for ya. (He hands him a bunch of helium balloons.)
(The rest of the crew start to drive away leaving Joey sad, alone, and holding his congratulatory balloons as the song comes up again. La-la-la. See, I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain! In the desert you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La-la-la, la, la, la )
Monica: Hey Joey! Aww, you remembered even though you're a big star!
Monica: Joey, what's it like on a movie set, huh? Do you have a dressing room? Do you have a chair with your name on it?
[Cut to Joey hanging up the phone in Vegas. He's wearing a Roman gladiator's uniform and goes over to join a family to pose for a picture. You see, he's apparently taken a job at Caesar's Palace.]
Joey: Everybody smile! (The picture is taken) Okay, thanks a lot! Enjoy your stay at Caesar's! We hope it's toga-rrific! (The family leaves.) Kill me. Kill me now.
Another Tour Guide: (standing up and removing his coat) Im Ted, and I just moved here a month ago, and New York really scares me.
(While Phoebe's bear is still in the lead, it is now closely followed by Joey's robot. Chandler and Monica's dog however, sits down, barking... and does a backflip.)
Rachel: No! Put that box down! We are not going anywhere! This is my apartment and I like it! This is a girls apartment! That is a boys apartment, its dirty and it smells. This is pretty. Its-its so pretty! And look, and its-its purple! And Im telling you, you with the steady hand, I am not moving, and now I have got the steady hand. (She holds out her hand, which is shaking uncontrollably.)
Alice: Hi, Phoebe! We were just at the drugstore and we got you a little present.
Frank: Umm, its a lollipop and a uh, a home pregnancy test.
(Theres a knock on the door and Monica answers it.)
Monica: Hey, Rach, can you give me a hand with this box?
Alice: So umm, you feel like taking a test? Theres only one question.
Phoebe: (gasps) White Plains. Oh, it sounds like such a magical place.
Phoebe: You guys! You guys! Youre gonna have a baby! Theyre gonna have a baby!
(She opens a door and they both scream at horror at whats inside of it.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, theyre both unpacked. The big ceramic dog has found a new home in front of the window. Joey screams and runs into the living room.]
[Scene: A Theatre, Chandler and Ross are there to watch the premiere of Kathys play.]
Monica: Hey, Rach! I made a pile of your stuff over on this side of the room. If you could just (Rachel grunts and throws her purse at it) throw your purses at it.
(Onstage theres a knock on the door and Kathy opens it. We dont see whats going on, only hear it.)
Monica: Oh my God, are you out of a job?
Joey: (Holding a turkey leg) Theres gravy?
Rachel: No, but they stuck me in personal shopping. Which is just a huge step down!
Chandler: Well, yknow Im 29. I mean who needs a savings account.
Chandler: (to Kathy) Uhh, that was Joey. Hes running a little late, he says hes sorry.
Joey: I think I left a donut up here.
Tom: I'm gonna go talk to uh, a friend.
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Phoebe: Thats a good idea for a business!
Joey: (to Ross) That-that is a good trick.
Joey: Okay look, look, let me ask you a question, when they were doing it on stage, was it like really hot?
Ross: Theyre not a couple!
Phoebe: I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the UN and, I dont know where his country is.
Chandler: No. No, see when I first meet somebody its uh its mostly panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating.
(They go get a drink.)
Monica: I think I need a drink.
Joey: Yep! Grab a plate.
Monica: (laughs) Please, its a relief is what it is, is what it is.
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up as her boss, Mr. Waltham, walks in.) Oh! Mr. Waltham, I ah really need to talk to you.
Mr. Waltham: In a moment, please, Im in the middle of a task. And you have a customer.
Joshua: Well, I need a whole new wardrobe. My wife, well my ex-wife
Joshua: Anyway, she burned all of my clothes. I got away with two things. This suit and what turned out to be a skirt.
(Richard squishes a little too hard and some lands on his shirt.)
Rachel: Well, at least thats a great suit.
(He walks out and Rachel stares at his butt as he leaves. He makes a wrong turn.)
Ross: Here she comes. Dont say a word, okay? Just be cool, dont be y'know you.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross still has boxes all over the place. Joey is wearing a football helmet, and Chandler is spinning him around in one of the chairs and counting.]
Kathy: Its a good play, isnt it?
Kathy: Acting! Chandler, this is my job! Im-Im playing a part in a play! How can you not trust me?!
Monica: Good! Now, take those salads to table 4, (to the kitchen worker from earlier) And you! Get the swordfish! (to another assistant chef) And you! Get a haircut!
Phoebe: Rachel has a new doll.
Joey: (Holding a magazine) Wow! The new Playboy!
WOMAN: You know, I uh, I couldn't help but overhear what you just said, and I think it's time for you to forget about Rose, move on with your life...how 'bout we go get you a drink?
Phoebe: Well, why did you make like a whole big thing out of y'know, everyone has to hang out in the big apartment?
Joey: (getting up) Dude, I'm telling ya! I'm fine! (He tries to take a step and falls flat on his face.)
Phoebe: Wait a minute.
Rachel: Yeah but, Ive never asked a guy out before.
Phoebe: He just got a divorce right?
Phoebe: (shocked) Youve never asked a guy out?!!
Rachel: You know what, Im gonna do that, Im gonna call him up, and Im gonna ask him out. I can do that. Ask him out. (Practising) How you doin? (Calls him) Hi! Joshua? Its Rachel Green from Bloomingdales. (Listens) Yeah, umm, I was wondering if you umm, if you umm, left your wallet at the store today? Well, we found a wallet, and we(Listens) the license? Well, that is a good idea! Uh, well, lets see here this says this license belongs to a uh, uh, belongs to a mister uh, Pheebs, and umm, yeah, so sorry to bother you at home. Ill see you tomorrow. Bye. (Hangs up) (to Phoebe) Youve done that a thousand times?
(We hear a noise coming from Monica and Rachels apartment.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Phoebe are watching a movie as Chandler comes in from his bedroom.]
Ross: Oh hey, hey, huh, how about this weekend we have a laser disc marathon okay, and maybe a tournament on my new dart board? Huh, huh, what do you think? (in an Irish accent) Two days of darts, itll be great!
Rachel: Oh! Well, as a single woman, who is available, I think you look great!
Rachel: Yep. Oh, yeah, look you great. (She puts her arm in his and checks how they would look as a couple.) Oh yeah. Yeah, this looks great. (Pause) Umm, so you like it?
Rachel: Would you like to go to a basketball game with me? (Tries again.) You know, its funny, basketball, because I happen to have tickets too (Tries again.) Umm, who likes the Knicks(Joshua comes in from the dressing room.)
Monica: Ive been doing a lot of thinking. A lot! And umm, well, I came up with a whole bunch of businesses you can do with your van. Okay umm, you could be flower delivery person.
Dick Clark: (on TV) Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times Square. We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square...
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I-I wish I had too, but yknow I-I think this is a good thing. Y'know? Cause weve had our first fight, and now we can move on. Yknow, I know for me(Notices a pair of mens pants on the chair.) Nicks pants?
Ross: So the first time you ask a guy out, he-he turns you down?
Chandler: Yeah. Well, I think our second fight is going to be a big one!
Ross: Yeah. But, the good news is that Phoebe said that I could stay at her place for a while. So
Rachel: Your company has a fine foods division?
Rachel: Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.
Ross: Well, if-if she thought they were on a break
Phoebe: (holding a lure) So now, what is this now?
Joey: (examining it) Ohh, a hunk of sandwich from last year. (Monica drops the sandwich)
Mr. Waltham: Rachel, one of your customers seems to have left his billfold. A Joshua Bergen.
Joey: Gettin drunk and going to a strip club.
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is still dressing Joshua. He is trying on a pair of pants.]
Mr. Waltham: (entering) Rachel! Could I have a moment?
Rachel: How does going to a strip club help him better?
Phoebe: I know, you mustve won like a contest or something!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is in his sweats flinging playing cards into a pot.]
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Rachel: Ill be right there! (to Ross) Okay, Ross, please come on! I thought we have moved on! I thought weve gotten to a place where we could be happy for each other! I mean was that just me?
Rachel: Theres been a teeny-teeny change in plans. It turns out that Im not free tonight. So
Monica: Well umm, they both have a egg yolk and butter base, but a bearnaise has shallots, shirvel, and most importantly tarragon.
Chandler: (in a serious, businesslike tone) Rachel, could I see you for a moment?
Rachel: Heywhoa, slow down. (Gets a whiff of him) No, keep moving. (Joey runs off.) Wow!
Rachel: Well, I didnt see Joshua last night, but I did punch a girl in the face.
Chandler: Oh, yes. I decided to leave these out for you in case Richard stops by and you wanna engage on a little light bondage and moustache play!
Rachel: No, she was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her. Ohhh! I cant believe this, all I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua, so he can go ahead and start falling in love with me.
Chandler: They got a breakfast buffet.
Monica: Hes with Emily at a Bed and Breakfast in Vermont!
Emily: (rushing in) Ross! Come quickly! Theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!
Ross: Ive gotta go, theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard! (He hangs up and runs out.)
Ross: When we first met her, she was soaking, her feet were wet! Who wouldnt be miserable? Im telling you when I got her into a dry pair of shoes, she was a totally different person.
Monica: He had to go, theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard.
Monica: A couple of days.
Monica: What are you doing?! Chandler! You cant just go back a phase!
The A.D: Calm down, we got time, were running a little late.
Joey: Look at that, Charlton Heston eating a liquorice whip!
The A.D: Theres no way he smells, hes the only one around here with a shower in his dressing room.
The A.D: You?