words in movies
Monica: Guys, hurry up! The flight leaves in four hours! It could take time to get a taxi! There could be traffic! The plane could leave early! When we get to London, there could be a line at customs! Come on!! (She runs back to her apartment.)
Chandler: Six-hour trip to London. Thats a lot of Monica.
Monica: Myself. Yknow for remembering to pack a thing. Yeah, you do a good thing, you get a check! (pause) My mom does it, I never realized it was weird.
Joey: Its all London, baby! Here we go. (He takes a picture of a less than enthused Chandler and starts towards the girls apartment.)
(Chandler glares at him. At first Joey doesnt know why, it takes him a little bit to figure it out.)
Monica: Yeah, okay, give that a try!
Phoebe: Ohhh, I wanna come over there and give you a hug and wish you luck on your wedding, but I dontcant get up.
Phoebe: Oh, have a great wedding!
Ross: Why-why cant you take a couple of days off?
(They all start out, Rachel gives each one a kiss, and says "bye." In the hall, Joey says )
Phoebe: Oh, do you need a hug? You dont have to bring me anything!
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves its entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
[Scene: Street in front of the London Marriott, Joey and Chandler exit. Joey is carrying a video camera and is shooting Chandler.]
Joey: Okay, here! (Gives him the camera.) I wanna be the on camera guy. All right, first stop, Westminster Abbey. (Joey folds out his "pop-up" map of London. All of the major landmarks pop-up like in a pop-up book.)
Chandler: Okay, if you see a little version of me in there? Kill it!
Monica: They torn it down a few days early.
Phoebe: Okay, I have a wedgie.
[Scene: A park in London, Joey and Chandler walk up to a souvenir stand.]
Joey: Check this out? Huh? (Joey has this big tall hat with a British flag on the front of it.) Yeah. Thats the stuff. What do you think?
Chandler: Okay, wait. All right, thats it, okay, Im out of here. I am not going to be embarrassed anymore! (He trips over a box, falls into a flower stand and walks away trying to be cool.)
Ross: Hey! I just spoke to your dad, and you know what? He seems to think well be able to find a new place for the wedding.
Ross: Whoa-whoa-what? You found a place?
Emily: No. But, Monica and I were talking, and-and I was so upset about the hall being knocked down, and she suggested that we put the wedding off for a bit.
Emily: She said, "If Im not gonna be happy getting married somewhere that we find in a day, well then we should just postpone it."
Ross: (chasing her, trying to zip up his pants. His got them on right now.) No, wait! Emily! No, wait, stop! Emily, please(He catches something important in the zipper and howls like a little boy and falls to the floor.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the couch as Rachel returns carrying a bunch of shopping bags.]
Phoebe: And a small piece of chocolate.
Phoebe: And a glass of tepid water. (She gathers up all of these things.)
Rachel: Ooh, is this one of those things where you throw it in a bag with some graveyard dirt and hang it from a north-facing tree?
Phoebe: Uh, only if you have the hiccups too. Yeah, the pictures are for you, the water and the chocolate is for me. I just didnt feel like getting up. Okay, Im gonna show you a picture of Ross. Okay? And youre going to remember all of the bad things about him. All right? Really focus on his flaws.
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think hes such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs it out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that youre with Ross okay and imagine that youre kissing him. And youre-youre running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross its some kind of grease, itsuck! Hah?
Chandler: No-no-no, yknow what? I really shouldnt have said that you were embarrassing me, I mean that really wasnt cool. And if it makes you feel any better, Ive had a really lousy day.
[Cut to the tape Joey made in front of some famous place in London with a rather famous English-type person.]
Ross: Hi. I understand you had a little talk with Emily.
Ross: Hey-hey, since youre the fix-it lady, heres a pickle, what do you do when the bride says she doesnt want to have the wedding at all?
Ross: I dont know. A month?
Monica: Emily has probably been planning it since she was five! Ever since the first time she took a pillowcase and hung it off the back of her head. Thats what we did! We dreamed about the perfect wedding, and the perfect place, with the perfect four-tiered wedding cake (Starting to cry), with the little people on top. (Ross gets thrown a box of Kleenex from the bathroom and he gives her one.) Thanks. But the most important part is that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that other stuff was.
Phoebe: Ohh, theyre having a great time with their Aunt Phoebe! Aunt Rachel hasnt been helpful at all. So, do you miss me?
(There is a knock on Rachel and Phoebes door.)
(Phoebe has already hung up, leaving Joey in the dark. So Joey decides to watch some TV and turns on a rerun of Cheers, with the theme song playing. At first, hes happy, but as the song progresses Joey gets depressed and homesick.)
Ross: Okay? But-but imagine a lot more lights, okay? And-and yknow fewer bricks, and-and-and flowers, and candles
Monica: And the musicians, look, they can go over here (Points to a little alcove), okay? And the chairs can face this way (Points), and (Points to Ross) You go.
Monica: Ohh. And I dont even have a date.
Rachel: (enters with a bag packed) Because Im going to London.
Phoebe: I do! I do! I do! (Chases her into the hall, but Rachel doesnt stop.) I do! (Gives up.) Ugh, like I can really chase you. Im carrying a litter.
[Scene: Moving Shot towards The Waltham House. A phone is ringing.]
Phoebe: (In a British accent) This is Phoebe Buffay. I was wondering, please, if-if its not too much trouble, please, umm, might I speak to Miss Emily Waltham, please?
Mr. Waltham: (Shaking everyone's hand.) Hello. Hello. How do you do? How do you do? Very nice to meet you. (Looking over at his wife.) Darling its the Gellers. (She pays no attention shes talking on a cellular phone.) (Louder) Darling, its the Gellers. (Shes still not responding.) Shes very self-absorbed, you know. I should never have married her.
Mr. Waltham: Terribly nice of you to offer to pay for half the wedding. (He hand a multipage bill to Jack.)
Monica: Ha ha, a joke thats funny in all countries.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey are standing by the kitchen entrance. A waiter comes out.]
Chandler: Joey, its been three days, okay.. Your just a little homesick, Okay. Would you just try to relax. Just, just try to enjoy yourself.
Mr. Geller: (Pointing items out on the bill.) Flowers, liquor, recarpet first floor. New guest bath, landscaping. Im paying to remodel this guys house. (Angrily gets up.) Im going to give that son on a bitch, a piece of my mind.
Ross: (Holding him back.)Dad, dad, please. Look I dont want anything to upset Emily tonight. Alright, she's had a hard enough couple of days as it is. (Picks up the bill.) Now here, here, let me go talk to him, okay?
Monica: (Looking nauseous from her parents kissing.) And Im going to go get drunk. (Gets up to get a drink.)
Rachel: (Looking through her purse.) Okay, you know what? I dont have it, but I can tell you exactly where it is on my night stand, and...okay. But you know what? I have my drivers license and I have a twenty. (She slides it across the counter.)
[Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner Hall. Chandler, Joey, Ross, Emily, Monica, and all the bridal party are seated at the table. Chandler gets up to make a toast.]
Chandler: Id like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Chandler: (Continuing his toast.) And Im sure were all very excited that Ross and Emily are getting married at Montgomery Hall. I mean to think, my friend getting married in Monty Hall. (No reaction from the people.) Ohh, come on!! Monty Hall!! Lets make a Deal!! Come on, you people!! All right, forget it!! Congratulations, Ross and Emily. (He sits down.)
[Scene: Later that evening at the rehearsal dinner. Chandler and Monica are sitting on a sofa. Chandler is covering his face in embarrassment because of the toast.]
Monica: My mothers driving me crazy, but Ross is getting married. Im happy. (A drunken man approaches.) Im not going to let anything spoil that.
Drunk Man: I just want to say that Ross is a wonderful young man.
Drunk Man: My god!! You must have been a teenage when you had him. (Monica stares straight forward after the comment. Chandler tries to console her by patting her on the shoulder.)
(Ross and Emilys parents are seated at a table. Ross is between them and they are discussing the wedding bill.)
Monica: Ohh, Please?! Im a single mom, with a thirty year old son!!
Rachel: Sure, you know what? Come on, well just tell them that there was like a problem with like the "engine".
Passenger: If youre planning on doing that throughout the entire flight. Please tell me now. So that I could that a sedative...or perhaps slip you one.
Joey: Hold on. Hold on. (Picking up a note pad and writing and reading the message aloud.) Rachel coming. Do...Something.
(The guys hotel room. Joeys there. Chandler comes out of the bathroom in a robe.)
Joey: (With a confused look on his face.) What?
Chandler: No!! Okay!! Whats with the third degree?! Why dont you just shine a light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
Rachel: ...And so then I realized. All this stuff I had been doing. proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldnt come to the wedding. Was all just a way of...
Passenger: (Frustrated he takes his headphones off.) Oh, oh oh!! Im sorry, can I interrupt? You know I just want to say..That you are a horrible, horrible person.
Passenger: You say you love this man, yet youre about to ruin the happiest day of his life. Im afraid I have to agree with you friend Pheebs.. This is a..this is a...terrible, terrible plan.
Passenger: Oh-no.(He bites his fist at her.)And by the way, it seems to be perfectly clear that you were on a break. (Rachel gasps and doesnt know what to say. He puts his headphones back on.)
Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! Its like a fairyland.
Ross: (Using a slightly different inflection for each.) I do. I do. I do.
Felicity: (In a sexy voice.)Hello Joey.
Joey: (In a New York accent.) Fuggetaboutit. (She giggles.) How you doin?
Mr. Waltham: You want a piece of me, sir? Is that what your saying? (Pointing at Jack and poking him) You want a piece of me?
Rachel: Well I just came...(She touches him near his heart. Shes almost in tears.) I just needed to tell you...(Looking into his eyes. She takes a deep breath.) Congratulations. (He hugs her. She can barely hold back the tears.)
[Scene: Camera fades to one of the band members playing guitar at the wedding. The chapel is full of guest. A groomsmen escorts a bridesmaid down the isle. Joey is waiting with Mrs. Waltham to escort he down the isle. A cellular phone rings.]
Mrs. Waltham: (Slapping the phone into Joeys chest.) Joey theres a girl on the phone for you.
Joey: No, but its okay. She just came in and gave him a hug, that it.
Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of shock on their faces. He realizes what he said. Quickly he says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.
(Sarah looks a little disgusted)
Sarah: (laughing) No. If I can't have your clams, you can't have my dessert. This is a two way street.
Joey: Why, just a tiny little...
(He takes a little piece of Sarah's dessert. At first he doesn't think it's that special, but then...)
Erica: Yeah. It's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. I thought you might want to see it. (gives it to Monica, who looks at it for a long time, and then shows it to Chandler)
(Sarah enters the room again, and stops when she sees her dessert is missing. Joey has emptied her plate, and has a chocolate covered mouth, just like a kid.)
Monica: (pointing to a picture on the table) I-Is... Is that a picture?
Agency guy: So, these are the preliminary forms for an open adoption. There's a lot to go over, but I'll explain everything as we go through it.
Chandler: The agency must have made some mistake. My wife is not a reverend and I'm not a doctor.
Rachel: You guys, come on, it doesn't matter why we're late. We're all here now, please let us in so we can have some of your delicious turkey. (A slice of turkey on a piece of aluminum foil is slid under door)
Ross: Right, so that's a firm "no". I cannot believe this, I just keep striking out.
Erica: I've nothing to say to you. (walks a few paces)
Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.
Chandler: But you did like us. And you should. My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... It kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... Please?
Chandler: Erica, please. Just consider us. Ask them to see our file. Our last name's Bing. My wife's a chef and I'm in advertising.
Announcer: Knicks fans, please turn your attention to the big screen on the score board. Someone has a special question to ask. (on the screen there’s written ‘Julie, will you marry me?’ and goes on to show a guy kneeling down in front of a girl holding out a ring to her)
Joey: Yeah, and you know what? We could do a lot worse.
Ross: Turns out this sweater is made for a woman.
(they shake hands the way friends would. There's a muffin on the table, and Ross breaks off a piece and wants to put it in his mouth.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Everybody's sitting on the couch and Monica is eating a chunk of cake.]
Rachel: My God, get a room!
Monica: I would get a room with this cake. I think I could show this cake a good time!
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It's like a giant hug.
Phoebe: Oh, she looks just like a little doll!
Rachel: Oh, no, no. That is a doll.
Phoebe: Oh, thank God, 'cause that thing's really creepy! (looking outside the window) Look, there's Chandler. (he's on the street, talking to a woman)
Phoebe: Well, I'm sorry but it's hard to believe that anyone would tell a story that dull just to tell it! (looking outside) See, there's something going on with them. Look, he's getting into the car with her!
Phoebe: Ok. Quick. We gotta find a cab and follow them.
Chandler: This is bringing out a lovely color in you!
Chandler: We don’t. Not until it's a hundred percent. I mean, why upset everybody over nothing.
Phoebe: All right. (she releases him). He is a good guy. You’re right, he wouldn’t cheat.
Monica: If only there were a smaller one to clean this one!
Rachel: Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today outside on the street and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.
Joey: (to Chandler) You son of a bitch!
Phoebe: Why do you have a realtor?
Joey: I knew he couldn't be with a woman for 45 minutes!!
Monica: When we found out that we're gonna get this baby, Chandler and I started talking and we decided that we didn't want to raise a kid in the city.
Chandler: ...and a street where our kids can ride their bikes and maybe an ice-cream truck can go by.
Phoebe: Have you thought about what you would be giving up? You can't move out of the city, what if you want Chinese food at 5am? Or a fake Rolex that breaks as soon as it rains or an Asian hooker sent right to your door?
Ross: You know what, if you wanna look for a house, that's okay.
Rachel: What is wrong with raising a kid in the city? I'm doing it, Ross is doing it, Sarah Jessica Parker is doing it!
Ross: (sarcastic) So you wanna buy a house in the 50's?
Ross: You put an offer on a house?
Chandler: Actually, we already found a house we love.
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Monica is cleaning with a vacuum and then she cleans it with a dust buster. The guys enter the room.]
(Monica enters from their bedroom with a calendar.)
(All the friends looked shocked and confused. There is a long silence.)
Rachel: Well, it is, all right? When we were out there today, all I kept thinking was: I can't believe Chandler is screwing this woman, but MAN this would be a nice place to live!
Chandler: Hey, that's...'joincidence' with a 'C'!
Rachel: (talking on the phone) C'mon Daddy, listen to me! All of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying that I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Joey: (he has a turkey on his head) It's stuck!!!
Phoebe: [looking outside the window] Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Phoebe: Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head inside a turkey's ass!
Ross: What was Monica’s nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Ross: (to the girls) Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl’s breast?
Monica: That’s not even a word!
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. You know, what was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window)
(There's a brief pause.)
Ross: Yeah, the phone was facing the other way. (Chandler fixes it and a picture frame off the table.) And that goes back up there.
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
Monica: When I take a shower, she leaves me little notes on the mirror.
Monica: When I fall asleep on the couch after reading, she covers me over with a blanket.
Chandler: They are needy, they are jumpy, and you can't tell what they are thinking, and that scares me a little bit.
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
Monica: Can I ask you a question?
Joey: Correct! Now, would you like to pick a Wicked Wango card or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?
Chandler: No, 'Slim Pickings', it's a barbecue restaurant. They're looking for a cook. Actually 'cook' may be a bit of a stretch. They're looking for someone to shovel mesquite.
Chandler: (to Nancy) Okay, thanks... (to Monica) They passed. They said they wouldn't go a penny under the asking price.
Monica: And a baby...
Chandler: Yeah... Well, it's a good thing we got it then.
Rachel: Ooh! Oh wow this is so beautiful. (she got a scarf)
Ross: I love this. (he got a sweater)
Monica: Joey is gonna be a celebrity guest on a game show!
Monica: Oh, I can't. We're throwing Phoebe a bachelorette party.
Monica: (singing) "I'm a little bit country"...
Ross: (singing) "...and I'm a little bit rock 'n' roll"!
Monica: What? You bet Id lose a nail?
Ross: Hey. Hey, check out the flyers for the band. I made 'em on a Macintosh in the computer room!
Chandler: All right, I'd say we make a pact. Neither of us will go out with Missy Goldberg.
Monica: Who's Gladys? (Phoebe shows her a horrific painting with a half-a-body girl dummy coming out of the frame. Monica's frightened and she gasps.) Oh! What a tragic loss!
Joey: (on the screen there's the word "Supermarket") Uhm... ok. It's a store, like a supermarket. (there is a sound indicating he made a mistake as he shouldn't have said 'supermarket'. The next word appears, "notebook") Oh! I see-I see what I did. Yeah, ok, ok, uhm... I'm writing in my...
Ross: Unreasonable? How about we have this conversation when one of you guys gets married! You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work! All right, it's about compromise! Do you always like it? No! Do you do it? Yes! Because it's not all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time! It's real life, okay? It's what grown-ups do! (He storms out.)
Rachel: Pheebs, I... there isn't gonna be any flying about! We actually thought we were a little too mature for stuff like that.
Rachel: Seriously Pheebs, it's not gonna be that kind of a party.
Donny: ...should be playing with the star of "General Hospital" Leslie Charleson. (applause) Welcome everybody. Good luck to all of you. Let's play Pyramid. All right? Now... we flipped a coin before the show, Gene, you won the toss, so you're gonna start. Which category would you like?
Phoebe: Really? So this is... this is my big send off in the married life? Rachel this is the only bachelorette party I'm ever gonna have! I've got a big wad of ones in my purse! Really? I mean, really? It's just tea?
[Flashback, year 1987. Chandler enters the school's corridor. Ross is hanging some flyers on the wall. Both have a funny 80s hair and clothes.]
Joey: A rock, a dog, the earth.
Joey: Paper, snow, a ghost!
Gene: You put this on a sandwich.
Gene: You put this on a hamburger!
Joey: A spoon. Your hands. Your face!
Joey: Paper, snow, a ghost!
Donny: Oh, time's up! Joey! You were, uh, almost on a roll there...
Phoebe: No, of course not! I also, you know, prepared a reading (she picks up a book). “Sex and the single mother. (pause) Finding your G-spot.
KEVIN: All right. It's no big deal. BILL: So, she has a boyfriend. What is your situation? RACHEL: Oh, well, it's complicated. I don't actually have a boyfriend.� But um. . . BILL: Then, can I have your number? RACHEL: (pause) I'm sorry, no. BILL: Okay. (They start to walk away.) RACHEL: Oh sure.� (She pulls a business card from her purse and writes on it.) PHOEBE: (Reading the card.) Oh my God, you're giving your real number. BILL: Okay, thanks. I'll give you a call later tonight. RACHEL: Great. BILL: Bye PHOEBE: Bye. (The guys leave.) Wow. So, that's great. You, Bill, Ross, and Emma are going to be so happy together. What were you thinking?
Missy: Well, Chandler and I used to make out! A lot!
Rachel: All right, look, we did not know that you wanted a stripper so we went to the phonebook and we got the first name we could find!
Chandler: Yeah, actually. So, you read a file that you liked and you gave the agency the serial number and they contacted us?