words in movies
Rachel: Yeah? Well, you should know. Youve bought like a billion of em.
Chandler: It is going to be perfect. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. Im going to get her a bottle of the champagne that she really loves; therefore knows how expensive it is. Then when the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast Im just gonna propose.
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Were practically kissing. (Makes a kissy face and winks at him.)
Joey: Okay. Have a benefit.
Rachel: Hey! Ross, listen can you come to a charity event tonight?
Ross: Im sorry, its just one of my last nights together before she leaves for campto be a counselor!
Monica: Ross let me ask you a question. All jokes aside, where is this relationship going?
Chandler: Wait a minute, all jokes aside? I didnt agree to that!
Monica: Do you really see this as a long-term thing?
Ross: Wait a minute, does-does everyone feel this way?
Ross: Uh-uhWow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it doesnt really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, Im the one dating Elizabeth, not you!
Chandler: Will you marry me? Will you marry me? (Makes like a gun with his fingers.) Hey, you marry me! (He gives up as Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, and Ross slink in all excited.) Whats going on little elves?
Chandler: Okay, now will you guys get out of here? I want this is to be a surprise and shes gonna know.
[Scene: The Charity Event, theyre holding a silent auction, Rachel is looking at one of the items and Phoebe walks up and hands her a glass of wine.]
Rachel: Uh well, uh this is a silent auction. They lay out all the stuff here and then you write down your offer and then the highest bid gets it.
Phoebe: No, I know what a silent is I meant, whats going on with your hair?
Elizabeth: No, its a water balloon fight! We started it!
Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, its supposed to be excellent. The director is the same
Elizabeth: (ignoring him and picking up a pitcher) Who drank all the Kamikazes?
Ross: No! Okay! Okay! (Stops her.) Okay, look, can I, can I just-just talk to you for a second?
(Both opposing camps start screaming at each other to drop their weapons and surrender. Finally, Ross steps in as a mediator.)
Ross: (screaming) Everybody put their balloons down!!! (There is a temporary cease fire.) Now this is a nice suit!! (Shows everyone where he was hit.)
Mr. Thompson: Our next item is the romantic trip to Paris. (Pause.) It goes to Emil Alexander high a high bid of 2,300.
(Phoebe returns a with a tray full of different kinds of drinks.)
Mr. Thompson: And finally, our biggest item of the night, the 22-foot gentlemans day sailer sailboat. The winning bid was a whooping $20,000! (Joey suddenly gets excited.)
Phoebe: Forget her! You enjoy this!! (Pulls him back up and starts applauding again. Joey waves and does a salute.]
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are sitting at a table. Monica is checking her makeup as Chandler suddenly has a horrifying thought and starts patting down his pockets until he finds what hes looking for and sighs in relief.]
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)
Monica: Yeah. Im okay. Im actuallyIm a little cold, can I have your jacket?
Chandler: Yes! Im fine. In fact Ive been fine for a long time now and I think, the reason is you.
(As hes talking Monica notices someone familiar has just entered the restaurant. Lets see; I seem to remember him driving a Ferrari in Hawaii solving crimes as a private investigator and as a certain eye doctor in more recent times.)
Richard: (approaching them with a woman in tow) Monica! Chandler!
Chandler: (to Richards date) And uh, you dont have a mustache which is good. (She just smiles.) Im Chandler; I make jokes when Im uncomfortable.
Joey: I figured, take a guess, help a charity, free boat!
Rachel: Why would a charity give away a free boat?!
Mr. Thompson: Your generous contribution brings us a big step closer to building the youth center.
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey! You cant leave Joey! You agreed to buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna kill me!
Joey: Look, I dont know why the kids need a youth center anyway! Yknow? They should just watch TV after school like I did and I turned out fine!
Chandler: I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy.
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
Chandler: (stopping him from going any further) Before you say anything, have we got a story for you! Guess who we bumped into at dinner!
Ross: Yeah, I was but uh, she was a little busy with a water balloon fight.
Ross: Yknow, maybe she is too young for me. Yknow, when I was over there and she was running around with her friends, I felt like I was a baby-sitter. I finally started to see what you guys were talking about. I dont know what to do.
Monica: Look Ross, the only question you need to ask is, "Do you see a future?" I mean like do you see yourself marrying her? (Ross pauses in consideration.) Oh my God! You did it already! You married her, didnt you?!
Ross: No! No! I didnt do that. Its just Okay, honestly no. I dont, I dont see a big future with her.
Phoebe: Its a trip for two! (She gets up and takes off her blouse-type thingy shes wearing over her dress.) Excuse me. (She walks over to table four.) Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table?
Joey: Uhh, excuse me is there a Mr. Bowmont at this table?
Rachel: Oh well, hello. This is your lucky day Mr. Bowmont, the uh gentleman day sailer as just become available again and I believe that you made a bid of $18,000.
Joey: You-you have to pay that! Its not just a guess.
Rachel: Okay look, let me paint you a little picture. (She sits down next to him.) All right, you are settin sail up the Hudson! Youve got the wind in your h(sees that hes bald)arms! You-you get all that peace and quiet that youve always wanted! You get back to nature! You can go fishin! You canooh, you can get one of those little hats and have people call you captain, and then when youre old, Cappy.
Mr. Bowmont: What the hell, its for a good cause! All right!
Chandler: Who walks into a room and asks to see a persons hands?!
Phoebe: Well, a palm reader, a manicurist, a hand doctor
Phoebe: Yeah! Yeah! Convince her that-that youre scared of commitment! Convince her that youre a little coward!
Ross: (in his head) Wow! I have never had such a healthy break-up! She was such a grown-up about it! She didnt seem too immature for me! Did I just make a huge mistake?
(She throws a water balloon at him and hits him on the head and hits him again at the waist with another one.)
Chandler: Okay, okay, here she comes! (Sits on the couch next to him.) How do I look? Do I look like a guy who doesnt want to get married?
Joey: Yeah! And also, a little like a French guy. (They both squint at each other.) I never noticed that before.
Chandler: Oh, just hanging out, talkin about uh, websites. (Joey laughs.) Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you.
Monica: Well thats a little crazy. Although I am yknow glad to hear that youre branching out on what you look at on the Internet.
(We hear the backup horn of a truck and see through the window that the Mr. Bowmont has arrived.)
[Scene: Monicas Restaurants kitchen, shes cooking as a waitress sticks her head in.]
Waitress: Hey Monica, theres a customer who wants to complement the chef, should I let him in?
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
(They both take a drink of coffee.)
[Scene: A Pizza Joint, Chandler and Monica are eating lunch.]
Chandler: Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Lets take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs dont mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and thats just an ordinary pig not even a pig thats good at sports!
Monica: Wait a minute. Are you honestly telling me that-that you may never want to get married?
Chandler: (to them) Its okay, I got a plan.
Rachel: Yeah, Im pretty confident about that. Thats what makes it so easy for me to be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler! It would be nice to have a little guarantee though.
Rachel: Well yknow, some people make deals with a friend, like if neither of them are married by the time theyre 40, they marry each other.
Phoebe: You mean a backup?
Phoebe: Well hey, its just a backup.
Monica: Have you seen Rachel? Or a mirror?
Monica: Im just having one of those days where you realize youre in a dead-end relationship!
Joey: Chandler giving you a hard time huh?
Monica: Its not like I want to get married tomorrow! Its just that I-Id like to believe that Im in a relationship thats actually going somewhere, that Im not just wasting my time!
Joey: Chandler is a complex fellow, one who is unlikely to take a wife.
Monica: You just told me that he hates marriage! That-that hes a-a complex fellow whos unlikely to take a wife! That-that hes against marriage and always will be!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is watching a show about the extinction of the dinosaurs.]
(Theres a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.)
Rachel: Yeah, love. Its a tricky business isnt it?
Rachel: So what do you say we make a pact? If you and I are both single by the time were 40, we get married. I mean, we know each other, we like each other, and weve-weve already slept together so yknow therell be no surprises there! You know what I mean? No like, "Whats that?!"
Rachel: Phoebe?! Wait abut-but she just, she said that Joey was her backup.
Rachel: Ross! I just had a conversation with her, and she said that she and Joey made a deal!
Ross: Thats impossible! I mean we have had a deal for years! We-we-we shook on it, although believe me she wanted to do a lot more than that.
Chandler: I was making a coconut phone with the professor.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah, Ive been trying to find ya to tell to stop messing with her and maybe I would have if these (lifts a leg) damn boat shoes wouldnt keep flying off!
Joey: Look, Chandler I dont think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica!
[Scene: Richards Apartment, hes smoking a cigar and reading a book as there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal ]
Monica: Yeah, Ill have a scotch
Richard: on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.)
Richard: So Monica let me ask you a question. Yknow, since we broke up do you ever, think about me?
Monica: Uh yeah, I-I actually I thought about you a couple months ago.
Richard: Yeah hes no good. Do you ever (pause) think about me in a (pause) non-eye doctor way?
Phoebe: All right well lets see, Ross is a good father, but Joey has a boatThis is hard!
Phoebe: No wait! JustOkayJust wait! You guys! Wait you guys! Dont make any rash decisions, okay? Just remember my promise, when we get married, three times a week.
Monica: I missed this apartment! Now, this is a grown-ups apartment! Yknow, I-I should be with a grown-up, do you know what I mean?!
Richard: Yeah! Youre saying, you need to be with someone more mature. Maybe someone with, a license to practice medicine. Or a mustache.
Monica: Yknow, lets face it, Im not a kid anymore! I-I need to be with someone who-who wants the same things that I do! I mean coming to my place of work and telling me that you love me, I want that! Talking about pig sex over lunch, I dont want that!
Monica: Nothing. (She backs away a little bit but is still in his arms and looks up at his eyes.) I dont knUmm. I dont know. Umm
[Scene: Richards Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]
Chandler: (examining the coffee table) Scotch on the rocks, with a twist, on a coaster? Ha-ha, Monica! Monica!
Chandler: Oh my God, I cant believe this! Yknow, I thought I thought you were a good guy.
Chandler: But I am willing to offer her all those things. This was just a plan, yknow? A way to throw her off course so that when I offered her all these things, shed be surprised!
Chandler: Yeah I even (pause) got a ring. (Puts in on the center cushion.) Did you get a ring?
Richard: No I dont have a ring! (Pause) You go get her Chandler. (Pause) And can I give you a piece of advice? If you do get her, dont let her go. Trust me.
Chandler: Yknow Richard you are a good guy.
Joey: Shes gone. She had a bag and she left.
Chandler: Well why didnt you stop her?! Why didnt you just tell her it was a plan?!
(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
Monica: Chandler In all my life I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to fall in love with my best my best Theres a reason why girls dont do this!
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: I knew you were likely to take a wife!
(Everyone screams and has a group hug.)
Joey: I could use a challenge! Its getting pretty easy.
Rachel: I do too a little bit.
Rachel: Honey, its not just a matter of where you put it. I mean a baby changes everything. They cry all the time. I mean imagine bringing home some girl and trying to score when theres a screaming baby around.
Monica: Hey! Umm, I think Brenda needs a raise.
Phoebe: Ooh, oh no! I have to go! I have a massage appointment.
Monica: Heres the plan! Okay? Im going to leave you get a look at Brendas bra!
Joey: Okay, the next situation is for Rachel. The wedding is about to start you walk into the back room and you find Monica taking a nap with Ross. (Ross lies on the floor.) Ill be Monica. Go! (He jumps down and cuddles up with Ross.)
Monica: Did you not hear where my head was? Come on! Come on were a team! Were in this together!
Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: Thats so sweet. (Takes the flowers.) Would you like to come in and say good-bye? Im sure it would mean a lot to her.
Eric: Uh, a little bit. She-she-she walked in and I thought she was you and I kissed her and
RACHEL: That is not a tattoo, that is a nothing. I finally got her back in the chair, bairly touched her with a needle, she jumped up screaming, and that was it.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Brenda is wiping the coffee table and Chandler is trying to look at her bra and leans over on the coffee table to get a good look.]
Chandler: Brenda a bee!
Brenda: Look, I know it must be hard that your wife is a lesbian, but its wrong. Youre married.
Rachel: All right, I took them. But I figured it would be okay because you got a big ink stain on the crotch.
Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
Monica: Oh thats my doodle of a ladybug, with a top hat. (to Phoebe) Shes fancy.
Joey: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel enters and notices that Joey has set up a space for the baby where the couch was, complete with a crib.]
Joey: Look, if Im bringing home a woman who cant stand being around a baby, then maybe I dont want to be with that woman! Or maybe well just do it in the bathroom of the club!
Rachel: Its still(Screams)Its got a tail! Get it out of here! Get it out of here!!
Joey: Hey! Uh, this is just to give you an idea. Okay well, we can put screens here, (In front of the crib.) so that the baby has privacy, and-and-and maybe a mobile over the crib. And uhOh look! Heres a baby monitor (Holds it up), which until the baby comes we can use as walkie-talkies. Huh?
Ticket Agent: (On the P.A.) This is the boarding call for Flight 009.
Phoebe: Gosh. Im not gonna let that man make you eat your baby. (They both sit down by the rest of the gang and Phoebe recognizes a man by the window.) Oh. Hey! Who is that guy? I think I know him.
Chandler: You had a bachelorette party?!
Joey: This is so unfair! The one thing I wanted to do was throw my best friend a bachelor party, but no, I wasnt allowed to. All I got was a stupid steak dinner!
Chandler: I thought we werent gonna have bachelor/bachelorette parties! Yknow, we agreed that it was a silly tradition.
Joey: Its a grand tradition!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel and Phoebe are having dinner with Dr. Green, and everyone is looking at the menu.]
Eric: Not really. You youre blurry, but you still look like Ursula. Youre Blursula. Okay wait. Maybe If I-if I just dont look at you for a while. (Stands up and turns his back to her.) See? It it works. Im not, Im not angry at all anymore! This is a great date!
Joey: Oh yeah, that was a pretty good night.
Rachel: No its okay, this is whats gonna happen. Im gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him.
Dr. Green: 74?! I ordered the 75! Thats a magnificent wine! The 74 is sewage! Why would you bring me sewage?! (The waiters dumbfounded) Is that a hard question? Are you an idiot? Is that why youre a waiter?
Rachel: (To Phoebe) In case you didnt notice, that is a scary man.
Rachel: This was such a huge mistake. I cant tell him Phoebe. I cant, I cant, I cant, I cant
Dr. Green: Oh come on! Dont be such a baby! (Goes after him)
Dr. Green: (laughs) Poppy. (To Phoebe) Oh, Im gonna be a poppy. (Stops laughing) So when is the wedding?
Rachel: No, its Ross. Its Ross. You like Ross. (He just shakes his head.) Oh daddy, I hope youre okay with all of this. I mean think about it, this is a good thing. Youre gonnaThis is your first grandchild! Youre gonna be a poppy!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are reading a magazine and Ross is chatting with Mona.]
Ross: Yeah, a lot of my students do that.
Ross: Oh thanks. Although it kinda seemed like you were falling asleep there a little.
Rachel: No we werent! It was nothing! It was one night, senior year we went to a party, had a lot of sangria and yknow, ended up kissing for a bit.
Joey: So uh, you and Mona, been a while now. Hows it going?
Monica: Yeah, I got this number from this guy at work and I hired a stripper to come dance for you. Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?!
Monica: (entering) Oh my God! You are gonna love me so much! I felt really bad about the whole bachelorette party thing, so tonight youre gonna have a bachelor party.
Monica: So dont think of it as a bachelor party, think of it as a a two month anniversary present.
Chandler: Honey! Thats crazy! I dont want you to get me a stripper
Chandler: I understand: who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party?
Dr. Green: I just called a friend of mine.
Joey: Look, look lets pretend its a real bachelor party. Okay? Yknow? Before your wedding. Come on, itll be fun.
Rachel: Theres not gonna be a wedding. Ross and I are not getting married.
Phoebe: Oh, great! We couldnt keep our eyes off each other all night and then every once and a while yknow, hed kinda lean over and stroke my hair and touch my neck. (Does that to Monica.)
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Rachel: And umm, vintage handkerchiefs yknow cause, people cry at weddings. (Starting to cry.) Im just gonna grab a couple of these.
Chandler: So shes a
Stripper: So is that a bedroom? (Points to the guestroom.)
Joey: Joey Tribbiani, a big fan.
Mona: I love your place! Where is this guy from? (A statue from the top of his apothecary table.)
Ross: Yknow this is actually not a great time for me.
Ross: Yes. Yes, yes I did. (To Mona) But-but it was, it was just a one night thing. It meant nothing.
Ross: (to Mona) Oh but not that way. I mean I mean Im not in love with her. I love her like a, like a friend.
Ross: No! No sir umm, she means a lot to me. I mean, I careI-I love Rachel.
Dr. Green: Oh really? Thats how treat a friend? You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her?
Chandler: I cant believe there is a naked hooker in there!
Chandler: Could be. I mean technically she did strip, we just, we just missed it. (Walks towards the bedroom.) Maam, are you also a stripper?
Joey: Wait! Wait! Maybe shes a hooker and a stripper, but she got confused about what shes supposed to do.
Joey: Maybe Monicas playing a joke on ya. Yknow? Getting her own husband a hooker, thats pretty funny.
Monica: Oh my God Stu! I-I cant believe you did this! Now are you absolutely sure shes a hooker?
Joey: (on machine) Hey Ross. Its Joey. Theres a hooker over here and we thought maybe youd know something about it.
Monica: Shes a stripper.
Joey: Maybe she meant to get you a hooker.
Joey: In a minute!
Chandler: (To Joey) In a minute? Whats gonna happen in a minute?!
Monica: (entering quickly) Shes a hooker! Shes a hooker! Shes a (Stops as she sees her.) Hi! Uh, we spoke on the phone. (Goes and shakes the hookers hand.)
Phoebe: Hi. Listen, Im sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It really wasnt right, and I, and I want to make it up to you, so umm, I brought you something that I think youll really enjoy. (Goes into the hallway and returns carrying the Evander Holyfield cutout.) Now, this is just a loan. Okay? Im gonna, Im gonna want him back. So (Looks at him longingly) Im gonna go now. (Exits.) (Pause) (Entering) Im sorry, I thought I could do it and I cant! (She grabs the cutout and exits for good.)
Ross: So your dad dropped by. Hes a pleasant man!
Phoebe: Thats it?! You call that a fight? Come on! "We were on a break!" "No we werent!" What happened to you two?!
Rachel: Okay. Um ButOkay, yes Ross and I used to date. And yes we are gonna have a baby. But we are definitely not getting back together.
Stu: No, shes a hooker.
Chandler: Hey! Wow, it is true what they say, pregnant bellies look like a drum.
Ross: I know and I was going to, but I thought it was better that you heard it from Rachels father. Look I I made a mistake, but its only because I really, really like you. Really!
Rachel: (entering) Forgot my purse! (Sees them kissing.) Oh, you guys made up. (To Mona) Hes a good kisser isnt he? (Ross goes to close the door on her.) Im going! (Quickly leaves and Ross locks the door.)
Monica: I swear I didnt know she was a hooker! I mean whDid you let her smoke in here?
Chandler: Yknow what? Were not sad, were not sad, were just not 21 anymore. Yknow? Im 29 years old, damnit! And I want to sit in a comfortable chair, and watch television and go to bed at a reasonable hour!
Monica: Yknow what? Im gonna make this up to you. I promised you a stripper (turns on the radio), and youre gonna get a stripper. (She starts to strip.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is being yelled at by her dad over the phone, and hes been going on for so long Rachel is holding the phone away from her ear and reading a book.]
Phoebe: Wanna go see a movie?
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
Monica: No that was Jarred! Wow! I havent thought about him in a long time (Stares off into the distance lost in thought.) (Pause) Anyway, umm Wills, Wills here on business and he didnt have a place to go so I invited him here.
Melissa: You have been M.I.A for the past seven sorority newsletters, whats up with you?!
Rachel: Oh Pheebs thats so sweet(Grabs a pair of pants)Ooh, those are so cute!
Phoebe: I brought you my old maternity clothes! (Sets a bag on the counter.)
Joey: I just want you to say it once in a while.
Monica: All right okay, just so you know, Im not gonna make a turkey this year.
Monica: Anyway, it just doesnt seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. Okay? Its a lot of work.
Ross: Yeah. The bartender said that they split up into two search parties, the herbivores and the carnivores. (pause) You know, we as a group are not the coolest.
Ross: I said 'share' not 'scare'. Go sit over there! (Chandler goes over and sits at a table and puts his head down).
Ross: Can I ask you something? Have you ever had a guy have a crush on you?
Monica: No! (Pause) But, theyre callin out to me! I mean this little guy (Holds up a small one) even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldnt mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is?
Monica: All right fine! If it means that much to you! But justtheres gonna be a ton left over.