words in movies
This is a special out takes episode. The cast and Conan are sitting around the set of Central Perk, talking about the stuff weve never seen.
Conan: Its a tradition here on Friends after every taping for me to hang out with you guys, (They all laugh) talk down the episode umm The point of this whole thing is what people see in America is: they see Friends, they love the show, it looks like a smooth running machine, but behind the scenes theres deceit, mistrust, and hate. And I thought, I thought wed actually take a look at uh, yknow some of these moments where you guys arethere are mistakes. You make mistakes.
Jennifer: Once and a while.
Conan: You still get nervous everybody just before a show?
Conan: But there must be, there mustare a lot of moments over the years where youre just trying to do your job, something goes wrong.
Joey: Hey and, this is a little extra something for yknow, always being there for me.
(Suddenly theres a noise off stage and the camera on Joey swings around.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, first season, Monica is making a giant sub-sandwich and is talking to Rachel. I think its The One With Fake Monica.]
Jennifer: (to Lisa) Operation. You had a fun one.
Conan: It was a little game. Yeah, with an electric buzzer.
Phoebe: Oh-ooh, and I brought Operation, but umm I lost the umm (It starts buzzing) Its making a noise.
[Cut to Central Perk, to the theme from The Dick Van Dyke show Joey runs into Central Perk carrying a stack of Soap Opera Digests and falls on the step. He does bounce right back up making it all that much funnier.]
(As shes saying that Joey is to pull out a chair and sit down, only Matthew comes running in from off camera and dives for the same chair.)
Conan: Matthew, you have a reputation with the rest of the cast that sometimes you like to, you like to fool around a bit. I mean like if somethings naturally going wrong you like to get in there and juice it a little bit. True or false?
[Cut to Monicas restaurant kitchen, its the episode where Joey is working as a waiter at Monicas restaurant. Joey is patting her breast from when she set it on fire.]
Joey: Youre still a tiny bit on fire there.
Conan: Now you guys work with animals a lot. You had to work early on with a monkey
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, The One Where The Monkey Gets Away, Rachel is watching a soap opera with Marcel.]
Rachel: Okay. Okay, see now the one with the feather boa? Thats Dr. Francis. She used to be a man. Oh look! There(Marcel (Katie) jumps away)Okay. (And runs behind her on the back of the couch for a little while.)
David: For me, I have a hard time with le Blanc in particular. When-whenI mean when
David: I keep a straight face he-he delivers like this look, a reaction to you, or a certain take, I-II mean I find it so funny.
(Joey hugs Rosss neck and has a look of complete contentment on his face which, after a short while, causes David and Matt to start laughing.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Monica is throwing a party. Joey is talking to Ross about the bad audition he just had while pouring booze onto a snow cone.]
Matt: Thats a good one? (They both laugh.)
Matt: Okay, Ill just put a little more booze on there. (Pours some more on.)
Joey: Okay, the next situation is for Rachel. The wedding is about to start you walk into the back room and you find Monica taking a nap with Ross. (Ross lies on the floor.) Ill be Monica. Go! (He jumps down and cuddles up with Ross.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Courtney and Matthew are getting ready to do a scene where Monicas sick.]
Conan: You uh, youve worked withThey always say a performer should never work with pets or children.
David: The good thing about the young kids though, theyre completely unpredictable. Which is a lot of fun as an actor to respond with. But there was one story
Matt: (everyone laughs) And then it was like four takes later before we could get through it with a straight face.
Conan: But audiencesYou have a live studio audience and they must love that. They must love it when they see you guys playing.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Ross is living with Chandler and Joey. Joey and Ross have built a fort out of boxes, Chandler enters and they stand up slowly.]
Conan: (to Courtney) You-youve worn a fat suit on the show. And, a lot of people love you in the fat suit. Do you like wearing the fat suit? Is it fun?
Conan: I-I heard some of you guys talking about this earlier, but sometimes theres just a word that someone has to say that youll get hung up on. And itll justthe way you say the word is funny to everybody else.
(David puts his napkin up to his mouth and starts laughing at his own line. Matt notices him after a while and starts laughing as well.)
Matt: It tastes like (mimicking him in a high-pitched voice) feet!
Matt: You-you mentally make a flag on it and you say, "Okay show night, Im justIll never be able to get through this."
Phoebe: (spitting the cookie out onto a napkin) Oh, sweet Je(Beep)sus! Oh! Monica, these are the (laughing) cookies they serve in hell!
Conan: When you have to do physical business for a scene, I mean there must be; there must be a lot of funny moments when you have to physically do a task as part of a scene.
David: Yeah, Rachel, Chandler, and Ross had to try to get a couch up a staira very narrow New York stairwell and that was probably I-I think it was the hardest Ive-Ive laughed in my life period.
David: Pivat!! (In a high pitched voice) Pivat!!!
Joey: Youre still a tiny bit on fire there!
[We close with a bunch of scenes where they screw up and make weird noises. It finishes with.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Rachel: Yeah, it's kinda like a 'good luck on your first day' sort of thing. (to Phoebe) Is this actually a lunchbox?
Ross: (disinterested) Hey-yeah. (He hurries up to the counter.) Hey Gunther, can I have a scone please? (To the gang.) Wanna hear some good news? Someone I know is getting married! Yeah! And weddings are happy occasions! Oh, by-the-by it's my ex-wife Emily!
(Yep, its a little gold loop.)
MONICA: Ok, it is definitely less than a ballpark.
Joey: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does not get sick and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream? (Hes about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachels room. He walks into her room and feels the bed.) Thats so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.) Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.) (In his head.) Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar (Stops reading and thinks.) The vicar? (Continues reading) wouldnt be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his (Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! (Continues to read.)
Ross: (Using a slightly different inflection for each.) I do. I do. I do.
Rachel: (Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
Ross: Oh, okay, yknow what this is? This is a difference of opinion. And when that happens in a marriage...
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number?
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue... [Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]
Chandler: I know, she's been such a big part of my life. And it feels like when Melrose Place got cancelled. (Ross and Joey looks puzzled) I mean... oh, forget it. I miss Melrose Place!
Chandler: Yeah! I've never been in a relationship that's lasted this long before. Y'know to get past the beginning and still be around each other all the time, I think that's pretty incredible. And the fact that this is happening all with you, yeah I think that's pretty exciting. (Kisses her.)
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, I think it looks pretty good. I was a little worried I was uncovering a birthmark right aboutthere, but it turned out to be a little piece of chocolate.
Chandler: No, our guy is just a floating head.
Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
Joey: That's fine. I'll just have a Tic-Tac to hold me over.
Joey: What, like there's a rule or something?
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
Lauren: (laughing) Oh, youre so funny. Listen, umm, what are you doing after rehearsals? Do you want to get a drink, or something?
Ross: A wandering?
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.
Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight. It's been kinda a long day.
Ross: (stopping them) Okay-okay! Two very good points, look Ive known you both a long time, and Ive never seen either of you one/millionth as happy as youve been since youve got together. Do you really want to throw that all away over a room? That is so silly. Now wh-what is more important, love or silliness?
Joey: All right, you know what? We don't have a choice. It's like I would have said in that sci-fi movie if I'd gotten the part. "Those are our men in there, we have to get them out! Even if I have to sacrifice the most important thing in my life; my time-machine."
Joey: (picking up a leftover part) What's this?
Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.
Joey: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here.
Rachel: Its a truffle. Its got all of these layers. First theres a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch, [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauteed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like somethings wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!
Joey: Thats right! Cause Im a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we dont read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the gains.
Monica: My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it?
Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.
Joey: Thats right! I helped you guys out a lot in the start of your relationship. Huh? I helped you guys sneak around for like six months, and I looked like an idiot! And I was humiliated. And I only made 200 dollars!
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Ross: (from his apartment) Man! They cannot get enough! (Makes like he's a robot and waves at the cutouts.)
Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?
Joey: Look, it was a job all right?
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...
Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler)
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)
Rachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.
(The passenger in the seat next to Rachel looks at her and seems a little nervous.)
Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)
Ross: You got a job?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.
Monica: Rachel! That was a library card!
Rachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...
Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.
MNCA: Now, in some of these recipes, the quantities may seem just a little unusual, uh, like these coconut mockolate holiday nut bars. I've indicated four cups of coconut, and four cups of crushed nut, and only, uh, one tablespoon of mockolate.
Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.)
Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.
Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt.
All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee?
Joey: All right, all we need is a little lighter fluid.
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]
Carol: A lesbian?
Vince: (dead serious) Fire safety is not a joke, son.
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that?
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
Monica: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!
Phoebe: Yeah, I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong! And its making me look at him totally differently. Yknow, I mean he used to be just, yknow Jack Geller Monica and Rosss dad and now hes hes Jack Geller, dream hunk."
Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.
Joey: Thank you. (stands up and kisses her lips.) Waiter! �lright, this is gonna be fast, so try to keep up: Risotto with the shaped truffles and the roasted rip steak with the golden Chanterelles and a Bordelaise sauce and that any that stuff I just said means snails. (Hope, *I* kept up.)
Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)
(from 1.01 - "The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate - The Pilot")
Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.
Ross: (pause) I am a doctor! Yknow what? Im just gonna go and talk to Rachel myself.
The Man: (To Ross) Excuse me. (He puts up a flyer that has a sketch drawing of Joey and it reads, "Warning! Intruder! If you see this creep - call the cops!") You should check this out, tell the other tenants. Apparently he's running around looking for some kind of a hot girl.
Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.
Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!
Chandler: Wait a minute, its perfect. We got a lot of time to kill and were in a building thats full of beds!
Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...