words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting reading a book and hears the bed in Joey's room creaking, and does a 'Oh no, not again' look on his face.]
Joey: No, I gotta wear this thing for a couple weeks. (points to the sling he is wearing)
Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then Chandler sold me out.
Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
[Scene: Street, Phoebe is being followed by some guy, as they pass a flower vendor. Phoebe turns around and the guy quickly picks up some flowers and continues following her.]
Guy: Oh, that's great. I'm stalking the wrong woman. I am such a dingus!
Phoebe: Oh, you're not a dingus.
Phoebe: Wait, (grabs him) you know what, I got a little story. When I was in Junior High School I went through this period where I thought I was a witch. And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot. He said okay, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?
Phoebe: Um, well, get over it. So, I mean you, you just seem to be a really nice guy, you know. Don't be so hard on yourself okay.
Phoebe: Oh, thanks a lot. Do you want to get a cup of coffee?
Ross: Wait a minute, look.
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her. You never look. You just answer, it's just a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size matter?
Ross: Okay, for instance. Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1 she'll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do?
Ross: (blows her a kiss) Okay the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do.
Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?
Joey: Remember when you where a kid and your Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?
Phoebe: Ooh! No, no, no, no, he's not like a kook, no. He's just like this, this very passionate, incredibly romantic guy, that got like a tinsy bit carried away, you know. And we just get along really well, and he's so cute.
Ross: Oh my God, you've got a crush on your sister's stalker.
Monica: Joey, this is for you. (gives him a jar of jam) It's blackberry curin.
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand), or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Monica: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now. Babies.
Monica: I'm talking about me having a baby.
Monica: It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanna spend my life with, if I have to wait another 28 years then, I'll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that's just stupid.
Monica: I don't need an actual man, just a couple of his best swimmers. And there, there are places you can go to get that stuff.
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. What's this? (picks up a book)
Phoebe: Um, not even a little bit.
Malcom: (reading) I met Phoebe today. She was really nice to me eventhough I'm such a loser. And, then when I was walking home I thought about her a lot, it was weird, but kinda cool.
Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) Okay, sperm donor number 03815, come on down! Okay, he's 6'2", 170 pounds, and he describes himself as a male Geena Davis.
Rachel: When did you go to a sperm bank?
Joey: Maybe, I should call this place and get them to put my 'Days of Our Lives' on here. You know, juice this puppy up a little.
Phoebe: Oh, well he's yummy. We did a little kissin'.
Ross: You're taking the word of a guy who has night vision goggles?
[Scene: Subway station, Phoebe is following Malcom by finding behind the pillars until she comes up to one with a wire mesh garbage can next to it. Malcom stops and starts walking the other way and passes Phoebe, who quick tries to hide behind the garbage can. But, Malcom sees her.]
Phoebe: Oh well, what do you know, there goes my identical twin sister. Just walkin' along looking like me. What, is this just like a freakish coincidence, or did you know she takes this train?
Phoebe: No, no, it's not your fault. You know it's partly my fault, 'cause I made you quit cold turkey. Sorry, no. Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore, 'cause your, you know (in a high pitched voice) Wow! But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay, stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah, and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch.
Monica: Oh yeah, picked a guy, 37135.
Joey: No, I-I figured you would've picked a blond guy.
Joey: It's a name, yeah. I saw you, you know, in this great house with a big pool.
Monica: Really, is he a swimmer?
Joey: Sure you do, it was a gift from me. Oh! And you have these three great kids.
Monica: Two girls and a boy?
Joey: Oh Monica. (goes over and hugs her, then looks at the form and stops hugging her.) Wow, this guy's an astronaut. That would've been cool, (sees Monica) for like a day. (hugs her again).
Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person.
Rachel: Honey, you got a little thing on your...(points to her whole face)
Joey: (wipes a little jam from the corner of his mouth) Did I get it?
Ross: (sees Joey) Hey. (walks into the living room) Uh, Chan, can I uh, can I talk to you for a second?
Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the head with a magazine)
Dr. Green: Oh come on! Dont be such a baby! (Goes after him)
Dr. Green: (laughs) Poppy. (To Phoebe) Oh, Im gonna be a poppy. (Stops laughing) So when is the wedding?
Rachel: No, its Ross. Its Ross. You like Ross. (He just shakes his head.) Oh daddy, I hope youre okay with all of this. I mean think about it, this is a good thing. Youre gonnaThis is your first grandchild! Youre gonna be a poppy!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are reading a magazine and Ross is chatting with Mona.]
Ross: Yeah, a lot of my students do that.
Ross: Oh thanks. Although it kinda seemed like you were falling asleep there a little.
Rachel: No we werent! It was nothing! It was one night, senior year we went to a party, had a lot of sangria and yknow, ended up kissing for a bit.
Joey: So uh, you and Mona, been a while now. Hows it going?
Monica: Yeah, I got this number from this guy at work and I hired a stripper to come dance for you. Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?!
Monica: (entering) Oh my God! You are gonna love me so much! I felt really bad about the whole bachelorette party thing, so tonight youre gonna have a bachelor party.
Monica: So dont think of it as a bachelor party, think of it as a a two month anniversary present.
Chandler: Honey! Thats crazy! I dont want you to get me a stripper
Chandler: I understand: who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party?
Dr. Green: I just called a friend of mine.
Joey: Look, look lets pretend its a real bachelor party. Okay? Yknow? Before your wedding. Come on, itll be fun.
Rachel: Theres not gonna be a wedding. Ross and I are not getting married.
Phoebe: Oh, great! We couldnt keep our eyes off each other all night and then every once and a while yknow, hed kinda lean over and stroke my hair and touch my neck. (Does that to Monica.)
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Rachel: And umm, vintage handkerchiefs yknow cause, people cry at weddings. (Starting to cry.) Im just gonna grab a couple of these.
Chandler: So shes a
Stripper: So is that a bedroom? (Points to the guestroom.)
Joey: Joey Tribbiani, a big fan.
Mona: I love your place! Where is this guy from? (A statue from the top of his apothecary table.)
Ross: Yknow this is actually not a great time for me.
Ross: Yes. Yes, yes I did. (To Mona) But-but it was, it was just a one night thing. It meant nothing.
Ross: (to Mona) Oh but not that way. I mean I mean Im not in love with her. I love her like a, like a friend.
Ross: No! No sir umm, she means a lot to me. I mean, I careI-I love Rachel.
Dr. Green: Oh really? Thats how treat a friend? You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her?
Chandler: I cant believe there is a naked hooker in there!
Chandler: Could be. I mean technically she did strip, we just, we just missed it. (Walks towards the bedroom.) Maam, are you also a stripper?
Joey: Wait! Wait! Maybe shes a hooker and a stripper, but she got confused about what shes supposed to do.
Joey: Maybe Monicas playing a joke on ya. Yknow? Getting her own husband a hooker, thats pretty funny.
Monica: Oh my God Stu! I-I cant believe you did this! Now are you absolutely sure shes a hooker?
Joey: (on machine) Hey Ross. Its Joey. Theres a hooker over here and we thought maybe youd know something about it.
Monica: Shes a stripper.
Joey: Maybe she meant to get you a hooker.
Joey: In a minute!
Chandler: (To Joey) In a minute? Whats gonna happen in a minute?!
Monica: (entering quickly) Shes a hooker! Shes a hooker! Shes a (Stops as she sees her.) Hi! Uh, we spoke on the phone. (Goes and shakes the hookers hand.)
Phoebe: Hi. Listen, Im sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It really wasnt right, and I, and I want to make it up to you, so umm, I brought you something that I think youll really enjoy. (Goes into the hallway and returns carrying the Evander Holyfield cutout.) Now, this is just a loan. Okay? Im gonna, Im gonna want him back. So (Looks at him longingly) Im gonna go now. (Exits.) (Pause) (Entering) Im sorry, I thought I could do it and I cant! (She grabs the cutout and exits for good.)
Ross: So your dad dropped by. Hes a pleasant man!
Phoebe: Thats it?! You call that a fight? Come on! "We were on a break!" "No we werent!" What happened to you two?!
Rachel: Okay. Um ButOkay, yes Ross and I used to date. And yes we are gonna have a baby. But we are definitely not getting back together.
Stu: No, shes a hooker.
Chandler: Hey! Wow, it is true what they say, pregnant bellies look like a drum.
Ross: I know and I was going to, but I thought it was better that you heard it from Rachels father. Look I I made a mistake, but its only because I really, really like you. Really!
Rachel: (entering) Forgot my purse! (Sees them kissing.) Oh, you guys made up. (To Mona) Hes a good kisser isnt he? (Ross goes to close the door on her.) Im going! (Quickly leaves and Ross locks the door.)
Monica: I swear I didnt know she was a hooker! I mean whDid you let her smoke in here?
Chandler: Yknow what? Were not sad, were not sad, were just not 21 anymore. Yknow? Im 29 years old, damnit! And I want to sit in a comfortable chair, and watch television and go to bed at a reasonable hour!
Monica: Yknow what? Im gonna make this up to you. I promised you a stripper (turns on the radio), and youre gonna get a stripper. (She starts to strip.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is being yelled at by her dad over the phone, and hes been going on for so long Rachel is holding the phone away from her ear and reading a book.]
Phoebe: Wanna go see a movie?
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
Monica: No that was Jarred! Wow! I havent thought about him in a long time (Stares off into the distance lost in thought.) (Pause) Anyway, umm Wills, Wills here on business and he didnt have a place to go so I invited him here.
Melissa: You have been M.I.A for the past seven sorority newsletters, whats up with you?!
Rachel: Oh Pheebs thats so sweet(Grabs a pair of pants)Ooh, those are so cute!
Phoebe: I brought you my old maternity clothes! (Sets a bag on the counter.)
Joey: I just want you to say it once in a while.
Monica: All right okay, just so you know, Im not gonna make a turkey this year.
Monica: Anyway, it just doesnt seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. Okay? Its a lot of work.
Ross: Yeah. The bartender said that they split up into two search parties, the herbivores and the carnivores. (pause) You know, we as a group are not the coolest.
Ross: I said 'share' not 'scare'. Go sit over there! (Chandler goes over and sits at a table and puts his head down).
Ross: Can I ask you something? Have you ever had a guy have a crush on you?
Monica: No! (Pause) But, theyre callin out to me! I mean this little guy (Holds up a small one) even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldnt mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is?
Monica: All right fine! If it means that much to you! But justtheres gonna be a ton left over.
Monica: Is all this about you not being able to grow a moustache?
Chandler: Nope! Every once and a while I just scream stuff at the TV.
Monica: Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but hes really into the game so I dont want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins? (Hands her a stack of them.)
Chandler: This is about you and Richard. He's clearly not over you. He keeps a tape so he can... look at it whenever he wants.
Monica: A pie! (Will brought a pie.)
(Phoebe joins Chandler on the couch as there is a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Monica: (to Will) Wanna give me a hand?
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Yknow, its been a while since weve screamed something. Maybe we should.
Will: Yeah, I hated her. She was horrible to me in high school. But hey, it was a long time ago, Im in a good place, it might be actually fun to see her again. You got any cakes or cookies or something? (Starts looking.) No Will no!
Monica: Is there a problem?
Will: That was such a fun night!
Ross: Will, high school was-was a long time ago.
Rachel: (entering, carrying a baking dish) Hi!
Monica: (laughs) This is Chandlers chicken. This is the turkey. (Sets down a huge turkey.)
Joey: Thats it?! Even if nobody helps me I can eat that no problem. At least give me a challenge!
[Scene: The Portrait Studio, Monica is waiting for Chandler to make another attempt at taking a good picture.]
Monica: (To Rachel) Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school.
Rachel: You had a club?!
Will: Oh, it wasnt just me. We had a club!
Will: A little mean? You made my life miserable!
Monica: Yeah and-and Im sorry too. But, well I justI like things done a certain way and the chemistrys just not right.
Will: Yes he was. (Holds up his hand for a high-five.)
Mrs. Geller: Honestly! Ross, this isnt just some girl you picked up in a bar and humped. A child should have a family.
Monica: Hmm, a little relieved, I gotta say.
Will: You went out with her?! We had a pact!
Will: Well, we did a little more than that.
Ross: Look Rach I-Im sorry, okay? I I was a stupid kid, okay? The only reason I joined
Mr. Franklin: But we really do need to find someone up here. The work is starting to pile up. Ive got a stack of documents on my desk this high. (Holds his hand at shoulder level.)
Phoebe: Ah-ha! Okay, (takes out a notepad) Las Vegas 1, London 0! I'll be right back. (Gets up and heads aft.)
Rachel: (entering carrying a book) Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, "Dear Rach, youre such a good person." Not girl! Person!
Ross: Rach, I think youre reading a little too much into it.
(Ross is at a loss for words.)
Rachel: Ohh, theres a picture of her in the yearbook actually.
Chandler: Is that a problem?
Monica: Didnt she walk with a cane?