words in movies
Joey: (Returning carrying a couple of rusted lawn chairs) Huh?!
Joey: Uh-huh. This and a bunch of bubble wrap. And, some of it is not even popped!
Monica: I just told my Mom Id cater a party for her.
Monica: Because I need the money, and I thought that itd be a great way to get rid of that last little schmidgen of self-respect.
Ross: Come on, I think this is a good thing. I dont think Mom wouldve hired you if she didnt think you were good at what you do.
Chandler: Well, no, actually she uh, asked me if I wanted to get a drink.
Joanna: (Coming out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel) Hello, Rachel. (She goes into Chandlers bedroom)
(Joey makes a sound like a creaking bed.)
Rachel: I dont understand! Last time you went out with her you said she was a big, dull dud.
(Joey makes a sound imitating one person making a bed creak and Chandler turns and glares at him.)
Monica: Let me ask you a question.
Phoebe: Wow! And hey, its cool if youre a lesbian! (Gives her a thumbs up)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is scrapping gum off the table as there is a knock on the door. He goes over and opens it.]
The Salesman: Do you ah, currently own a set of encyclopedias?
The Salesman: Actually, Im not buying. Im selling. Let me ask you one question. Do your friends ever have a conversation and you just nod along even though youre not really sure what theyre talking about?
(We go into a flashback sequence with Joey remembering some of those times.)
Monica: I think he deserves a Nobel Prize. (Joey starts to nod Yes.)
The Salesman: (Interrupting the flashback) Excuse me, Im sorry, you havent said anything for about two and a half minutes, are you at all interested?
Monica: (Looks at her nails) Oh my God. Wait a minute, I had them put (realises) Oh my God! Its in the quiche! Oh My God!
Monica: Okay ah, please dont freak out. Umm, but ah, theres a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and theres no way to know which one.
Monica: What? You bet Id lose a nail?
Mrs. Geller: No-no-no, that was all true. This was just in case you pulled a Monica.
Mrs. Geller: Oh honey, come on, have a sense of humour, youve never been able to laugh at yourself.
Joanna: Just a little gag gift somebody gave me. (Shes holding a pair of handcuffs) Put your hands together.
Sophie: Hi! I brought you back a macaroon!
Rachel: Okay, swear you wont tell, but when Mark left he gave me a key to Joannas office. Do you wanna see the list?
(Rachel unlocks and opens the door to reveal a half-naked Chandler handcuffed to the chair. They both gasp and Chandler stares at them in shock and surprise.)
Joanna: (on speaker phone) Im really sorry but I may be a little while longer.
Joanna: A couple of hours, I feel awful.
Chandler: (in a serious, businesslike tone) Rachel, could I see you for a moment?
Chandler: Okay, heres the situation. The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door. Could you be a doll and grab them and scoot on over and unlock me? And on a totally different subject, that is a lovely pantsuit.
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I cant get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and Im cold, and (Stops and looks up the skirt on a statue behind Joannas desk.)
Rachel: Wait a minute! What are you gonna tell Joanna?
Rachel: No, theres nothing to make up, shes gonna know that I have a key to her office, Ive got to get you locked up back the way you were! (She tries to drag him over to the chair, but Chandler stops her.)
(He starts to put his pants on, but Rachel manages to drag him to the chair. When they get to the chair, Chandler drops his pants and knocks the chair away. Rachel then backs him up and locks him to the top drawer of a filing cabinet.)
[Scene: Monicas childhood bedroom (which has been turned into a gym), Monica is lying on the treadmill as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: This used to be your room? (She nods Yes) Wow! You mustve been in really good shape as a kid.
Phoebe: Well, who cares what your Mom thinks? So you pulled a Monica.
Phoebe: No but, why does that have to be a bad thing. Just change what it means. Y'know? Go down there and prove your Mother wrong. Finish the job you were hired to do, and well call that pulling a Monica.
Phoebe: Okay, umm, if a kid gets straight As, his parents would say, "Yeah, he pulled a Monica." Y'know? Or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, "Yeah I know, he pulled a Monica." Or someone hits a homerun and the announcer says, "Yeah, that ones outta here." Though some things dont change.
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are having a little tug-of-war with his pants.]
Rachel: What if I clean your bathroom for a month?
Rachel: Foot rubs for a month!
(She closes the door and puts his tie into his mouth as a gag.)
(Chandler screams a little bit, then realises that he can spit out his gag. He does so with a Pouff!)
Joey: Wow! Theres a lot I didnt know about vomit. (The duck comes to the door of the bathroom, quacking.) (To the duck) In a minute. (The duck goes back into the bathroom.)
The Salesman: So, what do you say, Joey? You get the whole set of encyclopedias for twelve hundred dollars, which works out to just 50 bucks a book!
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? Im home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess theres a few things you dont get from book learnin.
Joey: How about zero down and zero a month for a long, long time?
Joey: You wanna see what I got? (He gets up to empty out his pockets) Okay? Ive got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an army man. Hey!
Joey: And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be Chandlers pants.
The Salesman: For 50 bucks, you can get one book! What will it be? A? B? C?
Rachel: Oh, I called them. And when they ask me what I saw, I can be very generous (Holds her hands far apart) or very (In a high pitched voice) stingy.
Rachel: I can make you a legend. I can make you this generations Milton Berle.
Chandler: And Milton Berle has a
Phoebe: Its hard to believe that just a little while ago this was nothing but ingredients.
Monica: So if everyone liked it, and you liked it, that would make this a success. Which would make you
Mrs. Geller: (interrupting) A bitch?
Phoebe: Umm, you might even say that she pulled a Monica. (They both look at her) (to Monica) She doesnt know we switched it. (Monica nods her head No.)
Monica: That really means a lot. Oh, and Mom, dont bite your nails.
Monica: (in a sexy voice) Hello, Chandler. (Phoebe has a huge smile on her face.)
Joey: Yeah. And speaking of volcanoes, man are they a violent igneous rock formation.
Phoebe: Oh God, Korea is such a beautiful country.
Ross: With such a sad history.
(They all laugh and Joey joins them, not to be left out. When the laughing dies down, he has a depressed look on his face.)
Joanna: Rachel, could you come in here for a moment, please?
Rachel: Yeah, sure. Umm, they didnt have poppy seed bagels, so I (Enters Joannas office and sees her handcuffed to her chair wearing nothing but a slip) Oh my word!
Joanna: I seem to have had a slight office mishap. Could you please get the key off the back of the door for me.
Joey: Well whats fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game thats just people standing around answering questions?
Ray: Yeah all thats gone. Its basically just a simple question and answer game now.
Phoebe: No, not a thing.
Ross: Well we we dont have a garage.
Ross: Well uh, yknow what? Even if she doesnt know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didnt live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.
Ross: Well youre gonna be a wonderful grandma. (They hug.)
Mrs. Green: Youre gonna be a great father.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are hauling out the porcelain dog from Joey's room. Chandler is holding the dog by the rear in a rather interesting position.]
Monica: Thats right! Maybe its time you took a good hard look at a mirror young lady old lady lady!
Monica: So whenever youre ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day! (Monica and Phoebe reenter the apartment and Monica closes the door on a stunned Mrs. Green.) I cant feel my legs!
Ross: Thats correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.)
Rachel: (closing a book) Okay! Im ready.
Rachel: A card! A card! I pick a card!
Ross: Excellent! How do you put a baby down for a nap?
Ross: No, Monicas restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. (They all gasp.) I didnt want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. (He hands the paper to Phoebe and they all read it.)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except Monica as Ross enters carrying a huge stack of newspapers.]
Monica: (seeing the stack of newspapers) Oh my God! Look at all the newspapers! It must be a good review! Is it great?!
Amy: wow. They must put a lot of makeup on you.
Ross: Okay look, I had a lot of water before I went to bed. Can we do this after
Ross: Okay look, theres nothing to worry about. We have plenty of time. Theres a great baby furniture store on west 10th. Tomorrow, we will go there and we will get you everything that you need. Okay?
Rachel: (interrupting him) No-no-no-no-no Ross! Please, come on we do not have any of the big stuff we need! We do not a changing table! We do not have a crib! We do not have a diaper service!
Rachel: Im just kidding! You can go pee! (He does so in a hurry.)
Chandler: I have a job interview I have to get ready for.
Joey: I thought you already have a job.
Monica: Remember that guy that gave me a bad review? Well (Feeds him a spoonful of what shes cooking.) Im getting my revenge!
Ross: No real-, honey, really its fine, just g-go with Susan. Really, I, no, I think girls night out is a great idea. Okay, okay, bye
Cashier: I notice you picked out a lot of our dinosaur items.
Ross: We are having a baby together, but were not involved. (The cashier, a very beautiful woman, looks confused) I mean, uh we-we were seeing each other a while ago, but then we were just friends. And then there was one drunken night. (Rachel looks at him angrily) Or, yes stranger, wed like this delivered please.
Phoebe: Don't worry, don't worry. We'll come up with a good lie. I'll help you practice it.
The Dry Cleaner: Thats right. Mr. Ford is a very good customer, he brings us a lot of clothes; you bring us nothing!
Ross: I chose those, Im a paleontologist.
Rachel: Oh yeah! Actually, thats one of the reasons why were not a couple.
Cashier: (looking at the completed address card) Oh, I love your neighborhood. Theres a great gym right around the corner from your building.
Ross: Excellent! Excellent, now-now do you want another question or a Wicked Wango card?
Rachel: Oh. Oh yeah, dont get to worked up over it. I mean it-it sounds like hes a doctor, but hes not.
Monica: (interrupts him) If someone wants to give us a present, we dont want to deprive them of that joy.
Rachel: Oh my God! Im standing at a cash register, holding a credit card, and Im bored.
Rachel: Oh, it was great! We got everything that we needed! Oh and Ross, almost got something that wasnt on the list. A whore.
Joey: Remember what happened the last time I did an interview for them? I said I write a lot of my own lines, and then the writers got mad and made my character fall down the elevator shaft. So who knows what I might say this time.
Rachel: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!
Phoebe: Sounds like youre a little jealous.
Chandler: Well, I got a job interview. Its kinda a big deal too. Its a lot more money and Id be doing data reconfiguration and statistical factoring.
Phoebe: Is that a real place? (Rachels stunned) Are they hiring?
Chandler: No, no I just ah, didnt do them. Instead, I ah, hung out with a couple of friends and had a couple of beers so I certainly dont deserve any praise, verbal or otherwise.
Phoebe: Yknow! You dont make a very good first impression.
The Cooking Teacher: Welcome to introduction to cooking. Now, before we start, can anyone tell me the difference between a hollandaise sauce and a bearnaise sauce? (No one can.)
Joey: Thata girl! Huh? We should get out of here; theres a new class comin in.
Katie: Well, the delivery went out to you and I realized they forgot this. (A blanket.)
Ross: My son? Pretty serious. (Theres a knock on the door and Ross answers it.) Oh hey Katie! (The cashier from before) What uh, what are you doing here?
Rachel: All this stuff takes up a lot of room. Hey how uh, how serious are you about keeping Ben in your life?
Rachel: So you guys go, have a really good time.
Rachel: Oh and it was great to see you too. And you look fantastic, although you missed a button.
Phoebe: Oh! Its okay, you calm down after a while and then people can see how really sweet and wonderful you really are.
Chandler: Oh good. Good, because Im sure this interview is gonna last a couple of weeks.
Chandler: (suppressing a smile) What I do do is manage to uh, create an atmosphere of support for the people working with me.
[Scene: The Cooking Class, everyone has finished baking a batch of cookies and the teacher is going around tasting them.]
Monica: Yknow, you called me that before so I-I took the liberty of fashioning a star out of aluminum foil. Now, no pressure, you like my cookies, you give me the star. (Hands it to her.)
The Cooking Teacher: Okay Joey, youre up next. (Tries one of his cookies.) This are good! This is amazing! You get an A!
Ross: Oh, Im sorry youve been Bamboozled! Youre gonna be a terrible mother! (Rachel stares at him agape.) Ive lost sight of why were doing this! (Rachel gets up and walks away.)
Monica: Wow! A star! (The class glares at her.) I know you all hate me and-and Im sorry, but I dont care.
Monica: Im-Im sorry, its just that umm Well I-I cook at this restaurant, Alessandros, and umm I just got a really bad review
Monica: No. He teaches a course on food criticism at the New School, so before we go to the movies I wanna go by there and make him try my bouillabaisse again. Oh, I cannot wait to read the front page of the Post tomorrow! "Restaurant reviewer admits: I was wrong about Monica."
Monica: I do! Im a professional chef! (The class gasps.) Oh relax! Its not a courtroom drama!
The Cooking Teacher: Oh yes! Youre an excellent chef! As a person youre a little
The Interviewer: So lets talk a little bit about your duties.
Chandler: (nervous) My duties? (Trying not to crack a joke) All right.
Chandler: Oh my God this doesnt count! Okay? The interview was over, that was the real Chandler Bing in there, this is just some crazy guy out in the hall! Call security! Theres a crazy guy out in the hall!
The Interviewer: All right then, well have a definite answer for you on Monday, but I think I can say with some confidence, youll fit in well here.
Amy: Oh. That's a funny noise.
Rachel: No! No, shesShe was nice. I mean, shes a little slutty, but who isnt?
Monica: She pulled it out of me! Shes like a conversational wizard! Howd it go?
Pete: Its okay, its not as bad as it looks, its a precaution. Ah, Im not supposed to move my spine.
Rachel: Of course you did Ross, you would date a gorilla if it called you Indiana Jones!
Chandler: Hi. (Joey blows on a noisemaker.)
Rachel: No thats just(Laughs)Thats just cause Im such a good messer!
Ross: (pause) Okay. Okay. Because for a minute you said you
[Scene: The New School, Joey and Monica are walking down a hallway.]
Joey: Yeah, this was a stupid idea. (Exits.)
Monica: Are we gonna take a limo?
Joey: Oh, its a poster for that World War I movie that Im in, check it out.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is showing everyone a poster as Ross enters.]
Ross: Okay, okay. Ooooh, ooh maybe I rode in on a Harley.
Rachel: Well thats gross, why dont you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?
Rachel: (interrupting her) Oh Phoebe, thats a great story. Can you tell it to me when youre getting me some iced tea? (Phoebe gets up and Rachel groans.) (To the baby) Oh God, get out! Get out!! Get out!! Get out!!
Chandler: Hes not snoozing, hes teaching a class.
Joey: Come on man! (To Gary) Listen so uh, are you gonna squeeze the perps shoes a little bit before he lawyers up?
Rachel: What?! You mean theyre not coming to a social event where theres no men and theres no booze?! Thats shocking! I dont care, as long as my moms here.
Phoebe: Joey, you pick who ever you want. Okay? You just listen to your heart. What does it tell you? (Mimicking a heartbeat and tapping her chest.) Phoebe, Phoebe.
Monica: Star in a movie.
MONICA: Alright, I've got a leg, three breasts and a wing.
Fireman #2: No, there was an appliance left on in the bathroom. Its looks like a curling iron.
Monica: Wait a minute, just because he paid for your head shots youre gonna take him? Joey, I dont think youre comprehending just how slutty this dress is!
(They look at each other and smile for a while.)
Joey: Thanks. That means a lot to me.
Ross: Oh, Im actually on my way to tell her right now. Yeah, shes been away all week visiting her parents, but shell be cool. I mean, shes been so supportive. She-she even got the baby a tiny T-shirt that says, Fossils are my friends.
Joey: (in a manly voice) Im gonna go shave. (Gets up.)
Joey: Dude! Hernia operations cost like, a lot probably. Besides its getting darker and more painful, that means its healing.
Phoebe: When she comes out, you hold her nose, Ill blow in her mouth, and the kid will just (makes a popping sound) right out of her.
Monica: Shes over a week late! She gotta have it today, right?
Phoebe: I dont know. I-I think its still gonna be a while.