words in movies
(There's a pause as they figure out what to say.)
(Both Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.)
Rachel: You-you're not wearing a jacket.
Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits)
Monica: Umm, why don't you give me something that would be a good reason and-and then I'll tell you if it's true.
Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O
Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.
Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.)
Dr. Oberman: Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early
Phoebe: (interrupting) Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown up doctor.
Rachel: Honey, y'know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific thing you're having these babies for Frank and Alice.
Phoebe: Can I tell you a little secret?
Phoebe: Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know?
Monica: Feeling a little better sweetie?
Joey: Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up.
Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an optionwhat's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?!
Rachel: No, I haven't had a chance to be alone with him yet.
Phoebe: Well, I'm kinda on a clock here.
Frank: Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in?
(A male nurse enters.)
Chandler: So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it?
Phoebe: Oo, this is a big one. Eww! Arghhhh!!
[Cut to Joey's room, who's going throw his own contractions. Plus, he has Ross in a headlock.]
Rachel: Yeah. So Frank, three babies. Whew, that just seems like a lot, huh?
Dr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31.
Dr. Harad: Oh, no-no-no, it's a good one! Fonzie plays the bongos. All right, are you ready? It's time to start pushing.
Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.)
Frank: Yes, it has a head!
[Cut to the waiting room, a triumphant Frank rushes in.]
Frank: YESSSSS!!!!! We got a baby boy!!
Phoebe: I already had a baby. Leave me alone.
[Cut to the waiting room, a twice triumphant Frank returns.]
[Cut to the waiting room, a thrice triumphant Frank returns again.]
Frank: Chandler's a girl!
Frank: They musta read the sonogram wrong. 'Cause they, 'cause they thought it was a boy, but Chandler's a girl! Chandler's a girl!
(They hug. And quickly that hug turns into a heated make out session, right there on the waiting room couch. Chandler, Rachel, and Monica quickly make their exits.)
Joey's Doctor: Would you like to see them? (He hands Joey a little jar.)
[Scene: A hallway, Monica and Dan are talking.]
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
Phoebe: Oh. It was a long shot. Hey, you guys can I just like have a second alone with the babies.
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
Chandler: So uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they gonna name her?
Chandler: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?
(Rachel starts drawing what looks like a bean.)
(Monica picks up a glass to take a drink, everyone ducks as though she was about to throw it.)
Phoebe: That's a bird?
Phoebe: That's a bird!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is talking to a customer.]
Mike: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...
Chandler: Oh, come on. What was with that whole Black Bart speech? (mimicking): "When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy!"
Monica: (Takes it) That's Mindy? Wow, she is pretty. (Sees Rachel's look) Lucky. To have had a friend like you.
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
Chandler: (coming up under center, just like a real quarterback does, and puts his hands between Rosss legs.) Twenty-three!! Seventy-four!! (Ross stands up and looks at him) You wanna go shotgun?
Ross: Alright, I've gotta go. C'mon, Marcel! C'mon! We're gonna go take a bath. Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are.
Ross: I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a relationship with someone exactly like me.
Monica: Oh, hang on, hang on. Does Aunt Monica get a say in this?
Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.
Ross: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a soap opera.]
Mr. Heckles: I left a Belgian waffle out here, did you take it?
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Monica: Mr. Heckles, our friend lost a monkey. Have you seen it?
Monica: A monkey. Have you seen a monkey?
Mr. Heckles: You owe me a waffle.
[Cut to a hallway in the building, Monica and Phoebe are knocking on a door. Mr. Heckles emerges.]
Leslie: I know. I know! I'm a duplex.
Ross: Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't.
(A knock on the door. Rachel swiftly opens it)
Rachel: Oh, y'know what? That was a complete misunderstanding! (Ross puts his arms around her and they act all sweetness and light)
Luisa: (Animal Control) Somebody called about a monkey?
Rachel: Turned out it was a hat.
Parker: Its a haven. A third-floor paradise. A modern-day Eden in the midst
Rachel: I meant er, (struggling to concentrate) young, young, I meant young, young to be a doctor. Oh good, Rach.
Luisa: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. (To Rachel) But you? What a bitch!
Joey: A monkey.
Joey: Ho-ho-ho, (pausing for a rest next to the fridge) fried stuff with cheese!
(Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment)
[Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in through a window and run down some stairs, then Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor without noticing.]
(They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty woman emerges)
Woman No. 1: Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find your monkey. (She starts to shut the door)
Luisa: Just a small tranquiliser.
Luisa: Step aside, ladies! (She loads a gun)
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much.
Ross: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off with a monkey. I should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil.
Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!
Friend No. 1: Well, I would like to propose a toast to the woman, who in one year from today, become Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber DDS
(Marcel jumps into view wearing a pink dress. Everybody gasps)
Mr. Heckles: I don't have a monkey.
Rachel: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'?
Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!
Ross: (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't've been fat.
Chandler: Youre gonna be carrying their baby and give them a Sony Play Station?
Rachel: Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that would be a great little outfit.
Monica: Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago?
Joey: No way! Mr.Salty is a sailor, all right, he's got to be, like, thetoughest snack there is.
Monica: (looking out of the window) Oh my God. You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a telescope!
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way.
Phoebe: Not a good day for birds...
Ross: I have to say you are a much bigger person than I am. I mean after all weve been through, I justyknow I wish I had a brother to reciprocate. Hey, if you ever want to go out with Monica, you have my blessing.
Ross: All right here. Watch me execute the three Ps of championship play. Power. (swings the racquet) Precision. (swings the racquet.) and penache. (does a backswing and hits Sarah whos started up the stairs, knocking her down, they both watch in horror.)
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God!
(A pause as they look at Chandler.)
Angela: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs.
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
Ross: (on phone) Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. (pause) No, belive me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. (pause) All rightie, bye bye.
Rachel: I had a bra.
Monica: Yeah.. uh, but for future reference, that thing in your hand can also be used as a phone.
Phoebe: Y'know, if you want, you can call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps, that means she probably didn't get her messages yet.
(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Phoebe: And... moment's over! (Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off) So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... (she's flipping cards skipping half of them) Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I (Monica is miming CUT). Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS (she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands) OR THIS (she taps her watch) OR THIS (she mimes CUT) OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! (pause) You know what? You're done.
Monica: You had sex in his chair?!... I said that a little too loudly, didn't I?
Rachel: (in a low voice) We ended up having sex in his chair.
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.)
Ross: (leaving) I just have to go, all right? Do I need a reason? Huh? I mean I have things to do with my life, I have a jam packed schedule, and I am late- for keeping up with it. Okay?
Phoebe: Don't feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot. But then you got promoted, and, you know, now you're like "Mr. Boss Man". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, "Boss Man Bing".
David: Yeah, Im just, Im just in town for a conference. Umm, God you look phenomenal!
(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joeys nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because hes now forced to actually hold his breath.)
Chandler: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride.
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee?
Mindy: Okay, okay... when Barry was engaged to you, he and I...kind of... had a little thing on the side.
Joey: (watches them for a while) Oh my.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword, Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at his phone.]
Joey: (to Monica) Can I use your phone? (On phone) Yeah, the number for a Sidney Marks, please.
Monica: So she's a woman! So what?
Rachel: Hey. Got a second?
Mindy: Basically, we think you're a horrible human being, and bad things should happen to you.
Ross: It's, it's, it's, uh, a totally diferent situation! It's, it's apples and oranges, it's, it's orthodontists and lesbi- I gotta go.
Rachel: Please! During that second time you couldn't have picked her out of a lineup!
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, is Sidney there? (Listens) Oh, this is? (To the gang) Sidney's a woman.
JULIE: So is there like a story or do they just stard doing it right. . . oh, never mind.
Monica: Oh, well... um, that's all there are of these. But in about eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets.
Ross: What, so he was a little analytical. That's what he does, y'know? C'mon, he's not that bad.
Monica: How do you think I am?! Youve wrecked all my childhood memories. You love Ross more than me. And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face!
Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?
Ross: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.
Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase.
Tommy: Can-can we take a look at your ticket?
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...
[Scene: A Tap Class, the girls are standing at the door.]
Monica: (Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) I'm going to tap class.
Teacher: You don't observe a dance class. You dance
Ross: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink.