words in movies
(There's a pause as they figure out what to say.)
(Both Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.)
Rachel: You-you're not wearing a jacket.
Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits)
Monica: Umm, why don't you give me something that would be a good reason and-and then I'll tell you if it's true.
Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O
Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.
Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.)
Dr. Oberman: Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early
Phoebe: (interrupting) Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown up doctor.
Rachel: Honey, y'know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific thing you're having these babies for Frank and Alice.
Phoebe: Can I tell you a little secret?
Phoebe: Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know?
Monica: Feeling a little better sweetie?
Joey: Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up.
Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an optionwhat's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?!
Rachel: No, I haven't had a chance to be alone with him yet.
Phoebe: Well, I'm kinda on a clock here.
Frank: Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in?
(A male nurse enters.)
Chandler: So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it?
Phoebe: Oo, this is a big one. Eww! Arghhhh!!
[Cut to Joey's room, who's going throw his own contractions. Plus, he has Ross in a headlock.]
Rachel: Yeah. So Frank, three babies. Whew, that just seems like a lot, huh?
Dr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31.
Dr. Harad: Oh, no-no-no, it's a good one! Fonzie plays the bongos. All right, are you ready? It's time to start pushing.
Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.)
Frank: Yes, it has a head!
[Cut to the waiting room, a triumphant Frank rushes in.]
Frank: YESSSSS!!!!! We got a baby boy!!
Phoebe: I already had a baby. Leave me alone.
[Cut to the waiting room, a twice triumphant Frank returns.]
[Cut to the waiting room, a thrice triumphant Frank returns again.]
Frank: Chandler's a girl!
Frank: They musta read the sonogram wrong. 'Cause they, 'cause they thought it was a boy, but Chandler's a girl! Chandler's a girl!
(They hug. And quickly that hug turns into a heated make out session, right there on the waiting room couch. Chandler, Rachel, and Monica quickly make their exits.)
Joey's Doctor: Would you like to see them? (He hands Joey a little jar.)
[Scene: A hallway, Monica and Dan are talking.]
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
Phoebe: Oh. It was a long shot. Hey, you guys can I just like have a second alone with the babies.
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
Chandler: So uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they gonna name her?
Chandler: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?
Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile)
Rachel: Wait a minute! (To Monica) You let Ross drive the Porsche and when I ask you, you say youre the only one whos allowed to drive it.
Ross: Its a car Monica! Not a rocket ship!
Monica: Great! Well Rachel, the reason why I wont let you drive the Porsche is because youre a terrible driver. There! That wasnt about the wedding.
Joey: Yeah, you got a couple hours?
Ross: Look Rach if-if you want to go for a ride in the Porsche Ill be glad to take you for a quick spin around the block.
Ross: Whew! That was a brisk ride!
(Goes to the bathroom and Chandler turns on the TV and finds a high-speed police chase.)
(A woman walks by and smiles at Rosss hair.)
Ross: Youre fast and irresponsible. That adds up to a bad driver.
Ross: Fine! Yknow what? It doesnt matter, because, if I remember correctly, there is a comb on the floor of the bathroom.
(He goes to the bathroom and after he leaves Rachel goes through his coat and grabs the keys along with a $20 bill. The woman from before watches her do this.)
Ross: What?! (Checks his hair.) Give-give me a brush.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Ross. Joey, and Rachel are eating breakfast. Chandler is holding a bottle of Herseys Syrup.]
[Scene: A Street, Rachel is throwing her coat into the Porsche and getting in.]
Chandler: Well he doesnt have to know! Its not like we run in the same circles. I hang out with you guys, and he stars in a drag show in Vegas.
Monica: So what! As long as hes not wearing a white dress and a veil I dont care.
Joey: Well, its complicated. Shes with this other guy. For a long time. Someone from work, too. And I could never do that to the guy, because were really good friends.
Rachel: (on phone) Excuse me, Im sorry, Im gonna have to call you back, Ive got a Schemp in my office. (hangs up) (to Ross) What are you doing?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are on the couch as a man enters.]
Joey: Me too! Theres a game on Tuesday do you wanna go?
Man: (stopping her) Wait a minute!
Man: Over a month.
Monica: Here! (She sets a bag down in front of him.)
(They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Phoebe has her eyes wide open in shock and Chandler is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a short while and pushes Phoebe away.)
Monica: Hey, the point is that he was at everyone of your swim meets and he was there cheering you on! Okay? Thats a, thats a pretty great dad.
Phoebe: Im just saying that only a man completely secure with his masculinity could walk around in womens underwear! I dont think you could ever do that.
Ross: (shocked) You dont have a valid drivers licenseOkay that is it! Pull over right now!
(Suddenly a siren goes off behind them.)
[Scene: Las Vegas, we have the typical glamour shots of Vegas and the strip before we arrive at 4 Queens bar, where Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table waiting for the show to start.
Monica: (To Chandler) How does that laugh not give you a headache?
[Scene: Richard's apartment. There's a knock on the door.The listing agent opens the door for Chandler and Joey.]
A Waiter in Drag: (to Chandler and Monica) Has someone taken your order yet?
Chandler: Yeah, I just ordered a beer! (Pounds the table.)
Chandler: I dont know if Ive told you this, but hes kinda tried to get in contact with me a lot over the last few years
Rachel: Oh yes, absolutely! Yknow, its weird uh, but I had a dream last night where I was stopped by a policeman. And then he uh well I probably shouldnt tell you the rest.
Policeman: This is a great picture.
Rachel: I bet youre a Gemini.
Helena: (standing at a table and asking the guy sitting there) Where are you from?
Helena: (to Chandlers back) Oh look, a standing ovation already! So early in the show. Oh turn around honey; let me see your pretty face. (He slowly turns around. Helena recognizes him.)
Gate attendant #2: Yes, the Philange is fixed. As a matter of fact, we put a whole lot of extra Philanges onboard, just in case.
Policeman: And in the meantime you better let him drive. Does he have a license?
Phoebe: Wow! Nice! Manly and also kind of a slut.
Joey: Check it out. (He turns around, pulls down his pants, and shows Phoebe that hes got panties on.) How much of a man am I?!
Ross: Oh, I uh, hope you don't mind, I kinda uh, jazzed it up a little. Check this out. (He plays the greeting, and We Will Rock You starts to play and Ross's voice comes over it.) We will, we will, call you back!
Chandler: Oh, theyre a hoot.
Helena: (disappointed) I see. Well, I wish you both a lifetime of happiness. (To a bald guy.) So youre bald?
(Suddenly a siren goes off.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is working on her book at the kitchen table, Monica is on the couch, and Chandler is entering from the bathroom carrying a package of toilet paper.]
Rachel: Its a different guy!
Rachel: (pause) You have a son!
Joey: Yeah! Okay! (He notices a beautiful woman sitting behind the couch and goes to talk to her.) Hey! Hi!
(Theres a pause as Ross gets suddenly flirtatious.)
Joey: Yeah! Much! Listen uh, not that Im yknow insecure about my manhood or anything yknow, but I think I need to hook up with a woman like right now.
Ross: Well this uh, this may be a little awkward.
Monica: I'm sorry. But not that sorry, 'cause you don't have to live with it. Um, we have a reservation under the name Chandler Bing.
Monica: Im making a list of all the things that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. Now, that way I can be prepared.
Joey: (entering) Hey! You guys! Remember that audition I had a while ago and didnt get the part?
Rachel: Oh, see now I feel bad for the kid! I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard! Yknow youI couldnt concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me. I mean come on, you remember whats its like to be 19 and in love.
Joey: How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free.
Chandler: I was making a coconut phone with the professor.
The Director: (approaching) Okay! Were about an hour away from getting the scene lit. So uh, if you guys dont mind, can we run it a couple of times?
The Director: Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong?
Catherine: Actually, he is buying a much bigger place. It's got a great view of Central Pa.....
(Notices Ross looking at him and stops. Ross gives him his 'quiet down' maneuver. Okay, this may take a while to explain, so center this on you screen and place your hands about a foot apart with your fingers together and pointing straight up. Now take you fingers and point them at the other hand and making a 90-degree angle with each of your hands and the first knuckle counting up from the wrist. Now take your right hand, no your other right (that was for the dyslexics), and lower it a couple of inches, so that the fingers are pointing at your wrist. Now take your arms and keeping the elbows bent and your hands in front of you spread out your arms, kinda like making a bird's wing. Now hunch your shoulders over and move you hands up and down as if you are trying to tell some one to turn it down. That's Ross 'quiet down' maneuver. Well, there is an accompanying face, but I don't want to try and describe it as well.)
Chandler: Wait a minute! I have a date tomorrow night.
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Heres a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica has hit a writers block as Rachel and Phoebe enter.]
Chandler: Mom. Thanks for wearing something. (They hug.) (Shes wearing a tight dress with a lot of cleavage showing.)
Mr. Geller: I didnt even have a chance to act as though Im okay with it!
Rachel: You just dont look old enough to have a twenty-year-old daughter.
Mr. Bing: Yes! Although, I think we may be seeing a little too much of some people. Arent you a little old to be wearing a dress like that?
Mrs. Bing: Dont you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?
Catherine: All the appliances are included. There is a lot of light, a new kitchen... I think you guys would be very happy here... (Joey and Chandler both realise what she's assuming and start laughing.)
Ross: Yeah, and it was uhm... it was like a real little person laugh too. It was... it was like uhm... (Ross tries to impersonate Emma's laugh, but it comes out very squeaky, very high pitched. He laughs about himself but then looks at Rachel, realises that it sounded weird and straightens his face.) Only... only not creepy.
Rachel: Oh I get it! A man duh!
Rachel: Man in the black dress (Monica walks away and Rachel looks around to find a woman in a black dress.) (To her) Hi! Im Rachel! Im a friend of Monica and Chandlers!
Monica: Oh, Rach! Rach! Umm hey, could you do me a favor and would talk to Chandlers dad and try to keep him away from Chandlers mom?
Ross: (clinking a wine glass) Can I have everyones attention please? Im uh; Im Ross Geller.
Chandler: No, no, no, no, no, NO! No, no... we're not together. We're not a couple. We're definately not a couple.
Monica: Yknow what? Youre right, Im sorry. Actually you were a big help tonight. Yeah, and thanks for putting my grandmother in the cab and making sure she got to the hotel safely.
Richard: We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna! (Joey backs away and wipes his face again.)
Monica: Here, take a couple of these. (She gets up to grab a couple of pills.)
Ross: (going up to Rachels closed door) Chandler? (He opens the door and looks inside and doesnt see him.) Chandler? (He checks the bathroom and still doesnt find him. He then finds a note on the counter. He picks it up and reads it.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is coming out of the bathroom after a shower wearing only her bath robe, walks into the kitchen, and opens the fridge. As she bends over to grab a bottle of wine, her robe falls open (Damn this network primetime programming, we didn't see anything!) and she quickly closes it again. But then realizes she didn't have to do that. So she closes the fridge and stands next to the table, thinks about it for a little while and ]
Richard: Hey Joey, could you uh, go through these lines with me? (Hes holding a script.)
Ross: Look who I found standing outside of the Szechwan Dragon staring at a parking meter.
Joey: Okay uh, look I know youre a great actor, okay? And you play all those Shakespeare guys and stuff
[Scene: The Movie Set, Richard and Joey are doing a scene.]
Joey: Thanks a lot.
Monica: How about you go put on your 007 tuxedo and Ill make you a nice martini.
Phoebe: There was a pregnancy test in the garbage, and its positive. Monicas pregnant. (Rachel covers her mouth.) So I guess she wont be totally alone.
Phoebe: I know! Monicas gonna have a baby! Hey, can this count as her something new?
Phoebe: Oh heres a whole bunch.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe and Rachel are in the kitchen as there is a knock on the door. Rachel answers it.]
Chandler: We're not gonna have this conversation again... Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art, this huge macho couch. When we know all he does is sit around all day crying about losing Monica to a real man! (laughs) You don't think he's here, do you? (Joey looks around)
Rachel: No Monica! Im serious! Oh, maybe I should just forget about it. Become a lesbian or something.
The Director: Look Joey, theres nothing I can do. Besides, youre probably gonna be out by four anyway. Weve just got one short scene. Its just you and Richard, and God knows hes a pro. Youll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard.
Ross: We are never gonna find him! Hes one guy in a huge city!
Joey: Hey! Youre here! Great! Great! Great! Lets get going buddy, weve got a scene to shoot!