words in movies
(There's a pause as they figure out what to say.)
(Both Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.)
Rachel: You-you're not wearing a jacket.
Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits)
Monica: Umm, why don't you give me something that would be a good reason and-and then I'll tell you if it's true.
Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O
Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.
Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.)
Dr. Oberman: Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early
Phoebe: (interrupting) Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown up doctor.
Rachel: Honey, y'know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific thing you're having these babies for Frank and Alice.
Phoebe: Can I tell you a little secret?
Phoebe: Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know?
Monica: Feeling a little better sweetie?
Joey: Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up.
Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an optionwhat's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?!
Rachel: No, I haven't had a chance to be alone with him yet.
Phoebe: Well, I'm kinda on a clock here.
Frank: Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in?
(A male nurse enters.)
Chandler: So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it?
Phoebe: Oo, this is a big one. Eww! Arghhhh!!
[Cut to Joey's room, who's going throw his own contractions. Plus, he has Ross in a headlock.]
Rachel: Yeah. So Frank, three babies. Whew, that just seems like a lot, huh?
Dr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31.
Dr. Harad: Oh, no-no-no, it's a good one! Fonzie plays the bongos. All right, are you ready? It's time to start pushing.
Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.)
Frank: Yes, it has a head!
[Cut to the waiting room, a triumphant Frank rushes in.]
Frank: YESSSSS!!!!! We got a baby boy!!
Phoebe: I already had a baby. Leave me alone.
[Cut to the waiting room, a twice triumphant Frank returns.]
[Cut to the waiting room, a thrice triumphant Frank returns again.]
Frank: Chandler's a girl!
Frank: They musta read the sonogram wrong. 'Cause they, 'cause they thought it was a boy, but Chandler's a girl! Chandler's a girl!
(They hug. And quickly that hug turns into a heated make out session, right there on the waiting room couch. Chandler, Rachel, and Monica quickly make their exits.)
Joey's Doctor: Would you like to see them? (He hands Joey a little jar.)
[Scene: A hallway, Monica and Dan are talking.]
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
Phoebe: Oh. It was a long shot. Hey, you guys can I just like have a second alone with the babies.
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
Chandler: So uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they gonna name her?
Chandler: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?
MONICA: Wow, all you need now is The Killing Fields and some guacamole and you've got yourself a part-ay.
JOEY: I'm sorry. I'm 28 years old, I've never lived alone, and I'm finally at a place where I've got enough money that I don't need a roommate anymore.
Chandler: Arent you just a tinsy bit curious?
JOEY: Oh, that's OK. You uh, you had a thing.
JOEY: Ahh, forget about it, I'm havin' a ball. How's the apartment doin'
Ross: Yeah, how does Jason look in a v-neck?
JOEY: You really think he'd take me? I mean, we had a pretty good talk last night but, when I moved out, I hurt him bad.
Chandler: Youre not, what do you, what do you got a bionic foot?
MONICA: Did she leave a number?
ROSS: Well, she'll call back, don't be such a baby.
MONICA: I'm not a baby, you're the baby.
Pete: Her names Ann, shes a journalist. Ahh, we met on the plane. She asked me if she could finish off my peanuts, I thought she said something else, we had a big laugh. Yeah, I just, I mean I got, I got tired of waiting.
Ross: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be...(makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now?
Joey: You don't kiss your friend's mom! Sisters are okay, maybe a hot-lookin' aunt... but not a mom, never a mom!
CHANDLER: Well you know, we got to talking and uh, he said he needed a place and I had a spare room.
JOEY: Oh, now it's a spare room?
MONICA: I can't believe he has a new roommate. Who is this guy?
PHOEBE: Now OK, I haven't seen it yet so, if you don't like it, well, so what, none of you ever made a video. [puts the tape in] OK.
RACHEL: It'll never last, he's just a rebound roommate.
Ross: Oh, (he goes towards Mike in order to shake hands but Mike hugs him) hey, oh... I... I was-I was going for a hand shake.
Rachel: Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.
PHOEBE: The voice woman. Ya know, I mean, she has a great voice but she doesn't have a video.
Helena: Before we go on with the show, I just want to say to the bride and groom how lucky they are to have found each other. In every life, a little rain must fall. Fortunately, in my life (Four guys wearing rubber boots, shorts, hats, and nothing else carrying umbrellas run onto the stage.) (Singing) Its raining men!
EDDIE: I tell ya, I-, I'm gonna go read in my room for a little while.
Mr. Posner: Yes, thats very good. Now a uh, big part of this job is cultivating personal relationships, especially with designers.
JOEY: [sings] It may not be a bed of roses.
Ross: You damn kids! You ring my bell one more time, I swear to (Opens the door to find Jill standing there.) Ohh, uh Jill. Umm, that-thats just a little game I play with the kids down the hall. Umm, theyve really taken a liking to me. (Quickly looks out to see if theyre watching.) Uhh whats-whats-whats the matter?
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is at the foosball table trying to get Phoebe to play a game with him.]
CHANDLER: Ah he's a, he's not a big fan of foosball.
PHOEBE: Oh yeah, it'll be fun. [throws a tennis ball at Eddie's bedroom door]
PHOEBE: Oh good, ok. Oh nooo, I have to go because I'm late for my um, Green Eggs and Ham discussion group. Um tonight it's why he would not eat them on a train. Have fun bye.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, since the divorce, when anybody asks me how I am, it's always with a sympathetic head tilt. [demonstrating] 'How ya doin'? You OK?'
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still very sick and is entering the living room from the bathroom wearing a robe. Chandler is reading a magazine.]
PHOEBE: Oh, this is so nice. Alright I have to make a speech. I just wanna say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best.
Monica: And youve never been funnier. Joke, joke, joke, you were a hoot!
PHOEBE: And a crusty old man said I'll do what I can and the rest of the rats played moroccas. That's it, thanks, good night.
MONICA: Not a lot, Phoebe's kidding, Phoebe's crazy.
EDDIE: [walks around corner] A little what?
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is there. There's a knock at the door. He answers it to see a young woman holding a fishtank.]
CHANDLER: Yes. Hey, can I ask you, is Eddie a little...
CHANDLER: So, we gettin' a fish?
Matt: It tastes like (mimicking him in a high-pitched voice) feet!
PHOEBE: Hey is this true, that you write a lot of your own lines?
JOEY: Uh, well, kinda yeah. Like, remember last week when Alex was in the accident? Well the line in the script was, 'If we don't get this woman to a hospital, she's going to die.' But I made it, ' If this woman doesn't get to a hospital, she's not gonna live.'
[Scene: At a writer's desk. The writer is working on a script for Days of Our Lives.]
Coma Guy: Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay.
PHOEBE: Alright, so, what, he's not a famous tree surgeon? And then, I guess, OK, he doesn't live in a hut in Burma where there's no phones?
RACHEL: Hey, it's not that big a deal, I was just curious.
RICHARD: Woah, woah, no wait a minute now. C'mon it's your turn. Oh c'mon. Ya know, I don't need the actual number, just a ballpark.
ROSS: Uh, just a sec dad. [to himself] OK, be cool, just be cool. [walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable] OK dad.
CHANDLER: This is nuts. This is crazy. She came over for like two minutes, dropped off a fish tank, and left, end of story.
Ross: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom.
[Scene: The Emergency Room. The officious admissions nurse is again on duty. Rachel and Monica enter, looking worried. As they approach the desk, Rachel adopts a winning smile, while Monica struggles to smile at all.]
CHAN: All right, check out this bad boy. 12 megabytes of ram. 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 b.p.s.
MONICA: Well, it just seems like a really small number.
ROSS: [in a childish voice] I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.
RICHARD: I have a little comb.
RICHARD: Well, we had a table in college.
DR. REMORE: Amber, I want you to know that I'll always be there for you, as a friend and as your brother.
CHANDLER: Oh, you're right I, I should play in the hay. Forget about the fact that I just dropped 400 dollars to replace a bracelet that I hated to begin with. Bring on the hay. [sits down at the bar]
Joey: Well, were fashioning a very long poking device.
PHOEBE: But Joey, you're gonna be fine. You don't need that show, it was just a dumb soap opera.
RACHEL: Well, maybe they can find a way to bring you back.
Chandler: Y'know, if I won $5,000 I'd join a gym, y'know build up my upper body and hit Richard from behind with a stick! (Mimics it.)
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.Chandler walks in to see Eddie holding a tray of cookies.]
EDDIE: I got a little surprise, look. There's a new fishie. I named him uh, Chandler, you know, after, after you.
EDDIE: No. See now I don't think you're being fair. I mean one night you see me and you get scared, I mean, what about all the other nights when you don't see me, huh? What about last night when you went and got a drink of water and I was nice enough to hide behind the door, what's that about, huh?
MONICA: A mirror?
MONICA: Wow, for a guy who's recently lost his job, you're in an awfully good mood.
JOEY: Anybody want a croan.
Phoebe: No, I mean, I mean, when you're at the fifteenth date, y'know, you're already in a very relationshippy place. Y'know, it's... you're committed.
Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.
JOEY: But this is a two line part, it's like takin' a step backwards. I'm not gonna do this.
ROSS: You, you know I, I don't, have a- have a problem with that.
ROSS: So suck it up man, it's a job, it's money.
JOEY: That's a two line part.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler peeks in the door. He doesn't see Eddie so he enters, breathing a sigh of relief. Eddie pops up from behind the bar.]
CHANDLER: Look you have to help me out here. I thought we had a deal. I thought by the time...
MR A: Oh, no, please, I spent most of mid-morning trying to stand up. Now uh, what can I do for you, my dear?
EDDIE: That's a tomato. This one definitely goes in the display.
EDDIE: Ah, just some basic dehydrating of a few fruits and vegetables. MAN ALIVE this thing's fantastic!
Richard: on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.)
JOEY: Hey Gunther, let me get a lemonade to go.
CHANDLER: [looks in the fish bowl to see a fish cracker] Well that's not an, even a real fish. No, that's a goldfish cracker.
Ross: (forages around) Okay, I have nothing in an evening shoe in the burgundy. I can show you something in a silver that may work.
PHOEBE: I don't think it would have sold a million copies but it would have made a nice gift for you.
[Monica goes into her room and slams the door. Rachel does the same. Phoebe, without a door to slam, opens a small chest and slams the lid.]
JOEY: No no, uh, don't thank me for comin' in. Uh, at least let me finish. Uh, we could take the expressway but uh, this time of day you're better off taking the budge. You were goin' for the word bridge there weren't ya. I'll have a good day. [gets up and leaves]
JOEY: [movers removing a glass parrot] Oh, not my parrot.
ROSS: Dollars? You spent $1200 dollars on a plastic bird?
MRS. GELLER: We just know she's got the IQ of a napkin.
CHANDLER: Yes, yes I actually saw him leave. I mean that guy is standing in the window holding a human head. He is STANDING IN THE WINDOW HOLDING A HUMAN HEAD!
EDDIE: Yeah, you know, put chips in it, we'll make like a chip chick.
EDDIE: We took a road trip to Las Vegas man.
Monica: Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course. (Steve sits, Monica brings over a tray) OK, um, these are rot-shrimp ravioli, and celantro pondou sauce... (Steve starts to eat them one by one, quickly)... with just a touch of mints... and... (he finishes)... ginger.
JOEY: Well, I had a whole ceramic zoo thing goin' over there but now, without the other ones, it just looks tacky.
CHANDLER: Ah that's a cantelope.
CHANDLER: I'm gonna hold him a different way. Look I don't understand, if you hated it so much, why did you buy it in the first place?
RICHARD: Uh, you guys see me as a dad?
JOEY: He paid a lot of money for it.