words in movies
(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joeys nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because hes now forced to actually hold his breath.)
Rachel: You have a roommate?!
Chandler: Pheebs, I dont understand. How can you have a roommate that none of us know anything about?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is reading a magazine, eating a cookie, and drinking some coffee as Phoebe enters.]
Ross: I am not in love with her. She was very upset about having to move out so I eh, didnt tell her we were still married because she would only get more upset. I-I just comforted her, as a friend.
Ross: Its nothing, I just gave her a hug.
Phoebe: Ah-ha! A classic sign of love, the hug!
Ross: Its also a sign of friendship.
Phoebe: Yeah, not in your case Lovey Loverson. (Tries to take a bite out of Rosss cookie.)
Ross: (grabs back his cookie) It was a hug!
Phoebe: Ninety percent of a womens pheromones come out the top of her head! Thats why, thats why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love when they hug them! (Ross is staring at her dumbfounded.) Oh come on Ross, youre a scientist.
Ross: I was hugging her as a friend. Its not my fault her-her hair got in my face, shes got a lot of it and it smells all-all uh coconutty. (Phoebe raises her eyebrows.) What?! Oh, that doesnt mean I have feelings for Rachel! Maybe it means I have feelings for coconuts!
(She goes for his magazine and he grabs it away before she reaches it. But she was only using the magazine as a decoy because she grabs his cookie and coffee, takes a bite out of the cookie and drinks some of the coffee.)
Monica: Okay, I was thinking we should have a beautiful guest room, right? With a mahogany sleigh bed and bedside tables with flowers on them all the time! And we could have a roll top desk with comment cards on them so people could say how much they loved staying here!! Okay, whatever, I really havent thought about it that much.
Chandler: Well, I like that idea. Obviously! I was thinking maybe-maybe-maybe it could be a game room, yknow? I mean you can buy old arcade games like uh, like Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200, the real ones! The big-big ones!
Chandler: No, Im not mocking you, (in a mocking voice) or you beautiful guest room. (Exits.)
Chandler: Nothing, Monica and I had a stupid fight.
Joey: Yeah? I just figured yknow, after living with you itd be an interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, yknow? Someone I can learn from, someone-someone whos different than me. And whats more different than me; a guy whos not 19 than say a girl who is 19? Enh? (Points to his head.) Not just a hat rack my friend!
Phoebe: Umm, Im trying to move that pencil. (Theres a pencil lying on the table.)
Rachel: Pheebs, this whole apartment thing is just a nightmare! Every place I can afford comes with a roommate who is a freak. I mean, look at this; (Points to one and starts to read it.) "Wanted. Female roommate, non-smoker, non-ugly." Its just, there is nothing! The citys full!
Ross: Rach, uh, you still looking for a place?
Ross: Okay, theres this guy, Warren, from the museum and hes going on a dig for like two years and hes got this great place he needs to sublet. So uh, you interested?
Rachel: Oh, I have to go tell Monica what a wonderful brother she has! (Kisses him on the cheek and exits.)
Phoebe: No. No, I wont. But I should tell you this, this exact same thing happened to my roommate Denise. She moved in with a guy who was secretly married to her and he said he didnt love her, but he really did, and it just blew up! And thats how she ended up living with me! (Ross looks at her.) (Pause) Okay, thats a lie.
Chandler: Hi, listen, Im sorry about before. I dont need to have a game room. I mean when I was a kid I only played those games because I couldnt get girls, and now I can emNow, I have you. (Monica glares at him.) Not-not that I think that I have you or think of you as property in any sort of way, I see women
Monica: Listen, we dont have to make that a guest room, we can think of something to do with the room together.
Chandler: Thats a great idea! We can easily think of a way for us both to enjoy the room.
Chandler: Is that a problem?
Monica: Well, its a set and they should probably stay together.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is interviewing a potential roommate. And yes, shes a female, non-smoker and very non-ugly.]
The Potential Roommate: Oh dont worry, Im not really a party girl.
Joey: That thing was a hazard! (To the potential roommate) Im very safety conscious.
Rachel: Oh thanks, but listen, I was just at Monicas and she and Chandler had a big fight and theyre not moving in.
Rachel: No-no, they just had a big blowout over what to do with my room.
Ross: What?! Over a stupid room!
Ross: Whats all this about you guys fighting?! Is this really over a room?! I mean, that is so silly!
Ross: (stopping them) Okay-okay! Two very good points, look Ive known you both a long time, and Ive never seen either of you one/millionth as happy as youve been since youve got together. Do you really want to throw that all away over a room? That is so silly. Now wh-what is more important, love or silliness?
Chandler: Well, we are fond of the silliness, but we also have a soft spot for the love.
Ross: (jumping up) Good! A verbal contract is binding in the state of New York! (Storms out.)
Gunther: So I understand youre looking for a place.
Ross: Good! Me neither! So its not a problem. Were just two friends who happen to be roommates.
Rachel: Yeah! Im gonna have a boyfriend, youre gonna have a girlfriend
Rachel: But yknow what, if you think its gonna be okay well just work out a system. Yknow, itll be like college, Ill hang a hanger on the door and put a sign, "Come back later, Im gettin lucky." (Laughs.)
Ross: (laughs as well, but for a different reason) Yeah, I didnt think of that.
Ross: So are you sure about this whole moving in thing?! I mean its a really big step! And-and whats the rush?!
Monica: Ross, you were right before, it was just a stupid fight about a room.
(They run to the living room where Monica has moved the chair back (Towards the step), the coffee table forward (Towards the TV), and taped a square outline on the floor.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing a new song. Yep, the first new Phoebe song of season six, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are also there.]
Phoebe: (singing) I found you in my bed! Howd you whined up there? You are a mystery! Little black curly hair! Little black curly hair! Little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair
Phoebe: Now if you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
Rachel: Hey, can I borrow the key to your house so I can run across the street and make a copy?
Rachel: Thank you. (Gets up) Now are you sure? Because once I make a copy, theres no turning back.
Joey: Umm, listen, Ross do you really think this moving in with Rachel is a good idea?
Rachel: Well, it would be easier to move just right across the hall. Wait a minute, unless youre thinking about Naked Wednesdays.
Joey: Thursdays clearly not good for ya, pick a day!
Joey: Come in. Thanks for comin back, umm, okay there have been a lot of people interested in the room, but I have narrowed it down and you are one of the finalists!
Joey: Okay now, before I make my final decision I uh, I just want to make sure our personalities match. Okay, so I made up a little test. Now, Im gonna say a word and then you say the first thing that comes to mind.
Joey: Yeah-yeah. And the craziest thing is that I just ate a whole pizza by myself! (Laughs)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting a phone number from a woman (Casey) as Chandler watches from the doorway.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch playing cards, and Phoebe is working on a new song.]
Joey: No, things are fine with Kathy. Im having a late dinner with her tonight, right after my early dinner with Casey.
Chandler: All right look, I think its time for you to settle down. Y'know? Make a choice, pick a lane.
Monica: No! Steady as a rock! Now, are you with me.
Monica: Why? (in a motherlike tone) Do you have a report due?
Ross: Yeah, just a little in high school, but then I really got into it in college. I mean thats-thats when I really found my sound.
Chandler: (entering in a bathrobe) I just walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked! It was like torture!
Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didnt think big enough to fit a grown man!
Cheryl: (looking in the bag) Oh, thank god, it's not Mitzi. It's just a rat.
Bank Officer: Okay, Ms. Lambert handles all our closures. (to a beautiful woman) Would you come over here please?
Monica: (At a loss for words) Boy, that was-that was, umm terrific.
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash. Basically, the music sucks.)
Joey: (on the other end at a pay phone) Hey, its me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble.
(Theres a knock on the door.)
CHANDLER: Hey, look Joey, I'm just saying if you need something to hold you over, I can get you a job right here as an entry level processor.
Joey: Me too, but I guess I do have a couple of more(his time runs out for real)
Ross: High collar and baggy pants say Im a pro.
[Scene: The beach house, its still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monicas nails, and theyre all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]
Kathy: Chandler, I like Joey a lot, but with you
JOEY: Well, I think it went pretty well. I.. I got a callback for Thursday.
[From the background we hear a crash and Gunther comes running out of the back room, pushing people aside, reaching for Rachel.]
Ross: You have 30 seconds. And the lightning round beginsstop it (Chandler stops jumping)now. What was Monicas nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Ross: Y'know what, 100 million people went to see a movie about what I do, I wonder how many people would go see a movie called, Jurassic Parka.
Rachel: Excuse me! But this is a purebred, show-quality Sphinx cat!
Monica: (to Rachel and Phoebe) Y'know, theres a Starbucks about three blocks down.
Monica: You obviously havent screwed over a lot of your friends. (They all look at her) Which we all appreciate.
Phoebe: Yeah! No, thats right. And I thought it was a really good idea.
Chandler: Is that a real thing?
Chandler: Its-its about Kathy. Umm, uh, I like her. I like her a lot actually.
Ross: Hey, would it be okay if I wrote a song about this.
Ross: No-no-no, a bunch of out of control jackets take over an island. (Makes an unusual sound, then he realises that he still has his jacket on and quickly tries to shake it off, thinking its alive and attacking him.)
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!
Kathy: I uh, dont really have a preference. You?
Chandler: (shrinks back) Right. You know what? Actually I just get off the plane, so I�m feeling kinda gross. Maybe I should just take a shower.
Chloe: And the advances in collating in the past five years, I mean we just got in an X-5000, y'know. The X-5000 makes the X-50 look like a T-71.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is sitting at the counter reading a magazine as the phone rings.]
Joey: Over the line?! You-youre-youre so far past the line, that you-you cant even see the line! The line is a dot to you!
Ross: Correct. In what part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14?
Joanna: I seem to have had a slight office mishap. Could you please get the key off the back of the door for me.
Joey: Listen uh, Im really sorry, it looks like Im gonna be stuck here for a while. I got the transmission fluid, but when I went to put it in the car, the transmission wasnt there!
Chandler: Op, y'know what though, its kindve a girlie briefcase.
Monica: Who cares? He works in a museum!
Monica: No, my eye doctor is Richard! I cant go to him when I dont have a boyfriend!
Rachel: Honey, maybe we should take you to a doctor.
Chandler: Well the vet seems to think thats shes becoming a rooster. (The rooster crows.) Were getting a second opinion.
Phoebe: Ohh! Okay! Okay, cause when-when he said, "I cant wait to hear your first words," I thought, "Theres a trick."
Joey: No, was my best friend. Anyway, I dont know why youre pushing for him so hard. With him out of the way as my best friend, theres a spot open.
PHOEBE: I know. We didn't do any of the romantic things I had planned, like having a picnic at Central Park and ya know, coffee at Central Perk. Oh I just got that. [They kiss.]
(Joey is sleeping on the floor and is buried in sand that has been carved into a mermaid complete with breasts.)
Chandler: I walk into a room and he wont even talk to me, he just mumbles something in Italian. And I know he only knows the bad words.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Kathy are sitting at a table and talking about Joey.]
Joey: I dont know. I might stay there for a few days while I look for an apartment.
Joey: Look, its not about her. Okay? But seeing you two together just reminds me of what you did. And I dont want to live with some one who doesnt know what it is to be a friend. So, Ill see ya. (He starts to leave, but Chandler grabs his bag and stops him.)
Chandler: All right look, if youre not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year! What with the robbery and all!
Chandler: Hey, look, I know what it is to be a friend, I just-I just screwed up!
Joey: Weve got a box. (Motions to a large wooden box next to him.)
Monica: What is wrong with this freezer?! (She jabs her arm into the freezer and a piece of ice flies into her eye.) Ow! Ow!!
Tim: I moved back here a couple of months ago.
Tim: Uh. (He holds up a brown lunch bag.)
Tim: She-she wasnt ready for a serious commitment.
Monica: Like a pirate?!
Chandler: (He is now in the box, in their living room.) Sounds like a really bad idea to me.
Paul: A surfer.
Chandler: The meaning of the box is three fold. One (holds a finger up through the air hole), it gives me the time to think about what I did. Two (holds up another finger), it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three (holds up a third finger), it hurts!
Rachel: (coming out of her bedroom with a necklace) Here it is! I love it. I wear it all the time.
Tim: Hi. (gives her a bottle of wine)
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Ross: Its a little early to be drinkin.
(A commercial for sunglasses comes on.)
Phoebe: Yeah, but Monica, do you actually want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase, "Thats not how your dad used to do it."
(Theres a loud knocking.)
Monica: I saved you a seat. (Motions to the one next to her.)
Chandler: No-no, hes not back yet, but hell be here any minute. So uh, come on in. Have a seat. Bow or stern?
Joey: All right, look! If this is just a big joke to you, then forget about it, all right?! This means something to me! And if it doesnt mean anything to you, then you should get out of there, otherwise youre just an idiot in a box!
Chandler: Youre right, and Im sorry! This means a lot to me! I want you to be my friend again! I swear, I wont say another word tonight.
(Rachel comes back carrying a shoe box.)
Ross: I dont know what to say, Im sorry. Though, youre not supposed to take these. (Points to the bone) Its like a million years old, we, we actually, we had people looking for that.
Tim: You-you have a very beautiful eye.
Monica: I know! I mean its like me and your dad, thats a totally separate thing.
Monica: Back then, I thought that I would never, ever get the chance to go out with a Chip Matthews, and now hes-hes called me up and asked me out. And the fat girl inside of me really wants to go. I-I owe her this. I never let her eat.
Monica: No-no-no that was good, it was, that was uh, that was a goood kiss
Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?
Kathy: By being in a box?
JOEY: That's it, just hey. Like at the end of a dance, HEY! [she starts nibbling his hand] Hey. He-hey.
Gunther: Oh, I-I'm just making a list of people's birthdays.
Phoebe: All right, get a room.
Phoebe: And also, we dont know what to do with this. (She turns on a switch and the girls nipples light up.)
[cut to later, Tim has left. Monica is still shivering. Theres a knock on the door.]
Rachel: Yeah, ohh! Why, damnit, why did I open my mouth? (In a girlish voice) I have a crush on you; I am attracted to you. (Back to normal again) Gee, I-I know that I freaked him out
Joey: No, no, no, see that's why you have to do this job, agents always lie. You know, Estelle just says stuff like 'They went another way', but this, I can use this. (in a very bad Italian accent) I canna work on a new accent.
Joanna: (interrupting) Okay, but that would actually be a big step down for me.
Chandler: Look you dont understand, Gandolf is amazing. Yknow youre never know whats gonna end up happening, you go out for a couple of beers and end up on a fishing boat to Nova Scotia!
Rachel: God, I am so glad you dont have a problem with this, because if you did, I wouldnt even consider applying.
Joey: Will you calm down, hes just a human guy.
The Bass Barber: It's nice to have a boyfriend.
Mr. Posner: You have a very impressive resume, Ms. Green. I especially like what I see here about implementing a new filing system.
CHAN: Well, I... I've got a pop-up book that told me everything I need to know.