words in movies
Rachel: I've never given her a cookie. Have you?
Joey: No! No... and, for the record, I've also never given her a frosting from a can!
Joey: I gotta a lot of nice stuff to say about you guys, ok? And I know how much you wanna have a baby, you know, and I would love to help you get one.
Phoebe: Uh-uh. Ehm, a Knicks game.
Joey: Uhm... Aren't you a little overdressed?
Phoebe: Hey, you know what, I've never had a one-year anniversary before, so no matter where we go, I'm wearing something fancy pants, and... I'm gonna put on my finest jewelry and we're gonna have sex in a public rest room.
Charlie: Hey! (They kiss and cuddle a little)
Charlie: So, you know... I have a little time. If you... if you want to...
Charlie: Oh, Ross, you gave a B to a Pottery Barn catalogue.
Ross: Still sharp as a tack!
Ross: (pause) Ross? I... I grew up on your block! We had Thanksgiving together last year... I had a baby with your sister!
Amy: (looks confused) N-no... uhm... did I buy a falafel from you yesterday?
Joey: Always nice to meet a fan!
Ross: What do I know? I just sell Middle Eastern food from a cart!
Joey: (using a laptop) Oh, Monica and Chandler's recommendation. I want it to sound smart but.. I don't know any big words or anything, so...
Ross: Watch. (he takes the laptop) Here, you ehm... You highlight the word you want to change. Go under Tools and the Thesaurus generates... 'gives'... 'gives' a whole list of choices. You can pick the word that sounds smartest.
Amy: This guy! He has a killer apartment.
Amy: Old? Yeah! But he travels a lot, so he's hardly ever there.
Rachel: Sweety, I gotta tell ya... it sounds a little bit like you like the apartment more than you like...
Phoebe: Excuse me, anniversary. Excuse me, anniversary. (looking at her ticket). Uhm, sir, could you move your nachos... they’re in my seat. It's my anniversary. (to Mike) Here we are! (Mike nods). Can’t believe it's been a whole year!
Announcer: Knicks fans, please turn your attention to the big screen on the score board. Someone has a special question to ask. (on the screen there’s written ‘Julie, will you marry me?’ and goes on to show a guy kneeling down in front of a girl holding out a ring to her)
Joey: Hey, finished my recommendation. (he hands it over to Chandler) Here. And I think you’ll be very, very happy. It’s the longest I ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.
Joey: (sounding very proud of himself) Some of the words are a little too sophisticated for ya?
Monica: Well, because you signed it baby kangaroo Tribbiani (Joey makes a 'and-what’s-wrong-with-that' look). Hey, why don’t you stop worrying about sounding smart and just be yourself!
Chandler: You know what? You don’t need a thesaurus, just write from here, (points at his own heart) your full sized aortic pump.
Joey: Oh, come on! Last night I was finishing off a pizza and she said (aping Amy badly) "Uoh oh oh, a moment on the lips, forever on the hips!" I don’t need that kind of talk in my house!
Rachel: No, it's just... look, you know, when I first moved to the city I was a lot like her! I was spoiled, self-centered and you guys really took care of me.
Rachel: Amy, you know what? I was thinking that maybe now it'd be a good time for us to sit down and, you know, talk about your future.
Amy: Oh, I can’t, honey. I’m gonna go get my eyebrows shaped. (points at her eyebrows) I am not happy. (to Joey who has a pizza box in his hands) Oh... sure you wanna eat that?
Monica: Oh, well, I bought Chandler a five hundred dollar watch and he wrote me a rap song.
Chandler: She's right! If I were a guy and... (stops himself mid-sentence...everyone stares at him) Did I just say if I were a guy..?
Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, I don't know, isn't that a little desperate?
Monica: How about at a game, on the big screen?
Rachel: (Sarcastically) Uuuh!! How about at a Footlocker? (claps her hands together, faking excitement)
Monica: What? what? He obviously thinks that's a nice way to be proposed to, plus he'd never suspect it!
Chandler: Sounds good to me... but what would a guy think?
(Amy walks in carrying a phone handset)
Rachel: (Thinks for a moment) Well, actually...
Ross: (He interrupts her immediately, and drags her by her arm to the other side of the room) Well, can I talk to you for a sec.?
Ross: Well, for one thing, she keeps calling her Ella! Rachel: (Defends Amy) Wha.. well, Ella's a nice name!
Ross: (a little confused) Okay, um... I don't want her watching our baby.
Rachel: Ross, I am trying to help her become a better person. This is a huge breakthrough for her! She just offered to do something for another human being!!
Monica: Oh my God, oh my God, that letter is gonna go in our file! We're never gonna get a kid. No, we're gonna be one of those old couples that collects orchids or has a lot of birds!
Chandler: (on the phone) Hello, this is Chandler Bing. Somebody just dropped off a handwritten recommendation letter, and.. (listens) Uh-huh... Uh-huh... okay... thank you. Good-bye. (hangs up looking very confused).
Chandler: They thought it was very smart of us to have a child write the recommendation letter.
Monica: (surprised) They thought Joey was a child?
(Amy comes in with Emma in a stroller)
Amy: I'm fine! And, I got you a present for letting me stay with you. Ready?
Chandler: Like war. Or that thing in Joey's refrigerator. Remember? It was in a milk carton but it looked like meat?
Ross: (Back to Emma) Hi! (Looks at her) What... (Moves the stroller away from him so he can get a better look at her. He looks at her confused. Finally he realizes the difference and gasps). Please tell me those are clip-ons.
Amy: Hey you know what, this kid needs me, okay? She needs to have a cool fun aunt!
Monica: I'm a cool, fun aunt!
Amy: Since today... I am going to be a baby stylist.
Ross: That's not a thing!
Announcer: Knicks fans, please turn your attention to the big screen on the scoreboard. Someone has a special question to ask.
Announcer: Get a load of this... She's proposing to him. Guess we know who wears the pants in that family. (people are laughing, while Mike still seems bewildered)
Amy: Yeah well, at least now people will know she is a girl!
Joey: (Yelling from Rachel's room) She has a lot of crap!
Rachel: Yeah. I just, I kept trying to make you a better person, but you're... you're already a pretty perfect version of what you are.
[Scene: Mike and Phoebe at a restaurant.]
Phoebe: (the waiter puts a piece of cake on the table) I would love it. Consider it forgotten... But just so you know... however and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll say yes. Whether... whether, you know, it is in a basketball game, or in sky writing, or you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake.
Mike: (puts on a fake smile) Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it? (he takes the ring from the cake, and cleans it with a napkin)
Phoebe: Wait! Oh wait! (she takes off a ring that was already on her left ring finger. After that Mike starts to kneel again, but then...) Oh no! (She was wearing rings on all her fingers and her thumb, and takes all of these off.)
Monica: Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course. (Steve sits, Monica brings over a tray) OK, um, these are rot-shrimp ravioli, and celantro pondou sauce... (Steve starts to eat them one by one, quickly)... with just a touch of mints... and... (he finishes)... ginger.
JOEY: Well, I had a whole ceramic zoo thing goin' over there but now, without the other ones, it just looks tacky.
CHANDLER: Ah that's a cantelope.
CHANDLER: I'm gonna hold him a different way. Look I don't understand, if you hated it so much, why did you buy it in the first place?
RICHARD: Uh, you guys see me as a dad?
JOEY: He paid a lot of money for it.
PHOEBE: Why are you guys so upset? It's Old Yeller, it's a happy movie.
PHOEBE: C'mon, happy family gets a dog, frontier fun.
JOEY: Not a dad.
CHANDLER: You're not a dad. You're not a dad.
RICHARD: That's fine. Well, your other dad and I are gonna go have a romantic evening and I guess I'll just see you kids around.
RICHARD: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.
MONICA: Come here. I'll make you feel like one of the guys. You know for a really cool guy, you suck at foosball.
SUSAN: Ok, this could go on for a while.
CAROL: We've got a cab waiting downstairs.
Rachel: Whoa!! Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. What time did your little friend leave? (Ross cant answer that) Oh my God. She was there? She was still there? She was in there, when I was in there?!
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
ERNIE: Bert, Bert. Bert. Hey, what happened to my friend Bert? He was here just a moment ago. Oh no, my old friend Bert is lost.
MONICA: 'Cause I was going by it the other day and I saw that there was a stock with my initials, MEG, on it and, well, sometimes I have to watch for two or three hours before it comes up again but when it does, it's pretty exciting.
RACHEL: Ok honey, you really need a job.
PHOEBE: No, 'cause you just said dad and everywhere I go today I keep getting signs telling me to go see my father. Like when I was walking over here and I passed a buffet...which is my father's last name.
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there; Phoebe recites the last verse of a poem to Joey. This poem is known as "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore, but it seems that it's rather "Account of a visit from St. Nicholas" by Henry Livingston.]
ROSS: Because it's a special hat. [Chandler looks at Ross funny] See he bought it 'cause he was feeling really down one day so he got the hat to cheer himself up, ya know. Now Chandler...
BIG BULLY: You got a problem with that?
MONICA: I don't want a beer.
JOEY: Monica, relax, go get a beer.
CHANDLER: Ohhh [turns as if to hug someone] Oh no, wait a minute, I have no one.
Monica: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd.
RACHEL: I just can't believe this is happening. I mean, when I was little, everybody's parents were getting divorced. I just figured as a grownup I wouldn't have to worry about this.
JOEY: See, didn't I tell ya these pillows would be a good idea?
Another Scientist: And I need to flip the light switch on and off 17 times before I leave a room or my family will die.
JOEY: Get him a bone, get a bone. You gotta bone?
PHOEBE: Yeah, but he did have to have a bunch of stitches and he said that only once in a blue moon does a dog's ear grow back so...still hoping.
RACHEL: She'll be a much better friend when the market closes.
Photographer: Now why dont we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier.
JOEY: [dials the phone] It's a woman.
[She starts the cab and pulls forward. We hear a squish and a dog yelp.]
Monica: Yknow what? I am really tired of your bellyaching! Okay, I-I worked really hard at making this a nice place for us to live!
CHANDLER: Alright, hang on a second there Custer.
MONICA: [Opens the door] I need to borrow a hundred bucks.
MONICA: Hi, welcome home. [pulls Rachel inside] I need to borrow a hundred bucks.
[Scene: Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe is returning the dog who is bandaged up and has a plastic cone around it's neck.]
Chandler: Yeah, in fact my father was a den-mother.
PHOEBE: It was an accident, and, and the woman who did this would never ever hurt a dog on purpose. She's a vegetarian.
PHOEBE: Just from a, from a long time ago. Is he here?
FRANK: Yeah. What? [a young guy comes around the corner]
FRANK: Cool, alright. So maybe, ya know, I could give you a call sometime, we could talk or somethin'.
Rachel: We were on a break!
PHOEBE: I'm not gonna. But you know what's cool though? Ok, if you had a friend named Pete, then I could say, 'Oh yeah, I know Pete, he's friends with my brother.'
ROSS: Well we did it, we're here. We are standing our ground. How long does a cup of coffee take?
[They rush to put the cream and sugar in their cups and gulp down a few drinks]
ROSS: Woah, ho-ho, whad'ya got there, a weapon?
CHANDLER: Question. If I don't care about my watch, can I use it as a weapon?
LITTLE BULLY: Look, here's what we'll do. We'll put all keys and watches in the hat over there. Alright. [they all put their keys and watches in the hat and put it on a mail box] Alright, c'mon man, let's do this.
Gunther: (In his head) Say Rachel, I was wondering if youd like to go to a movie with me sometime. As my lover! Nnnsch, to out there. Maybe youd just like to ah, get something to eat with me sometime? As my lover.
LITTLE BULLY: Actually, you know, uh, I gotta show this apartment tomorrow and uh, you know, this no faces thing might not be a bad idea.
ROSS: Well because I have to work on Monday, I have a big presentation.
LITTLE BULLY: Us, what about you guys? Man you really, bing, gave it to old Mr. Clean back there. He was a big guy.
(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.)
[Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees's conversation. One of them is doing Chandler.]
CHANDLER: Ya know, my cousin went to hell on a football scholarship.
[Scene: The 50's theme cafe. Monica is working the grill, the rest are at a table.]
RACHEL: My parents happened. All they had to do was sit in the same stadium, smile proudly, and not talk about the divorce. But nooo, they got into a huge fight in the middle of the commencement address. Bishop Tutu actually had to stop and shush them. But you know what, you know what the good news is? I get to serve coffee for the next 8 hours.
Chandler: (starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and(He falters and Monica prompts him.)generosity of spirit.
MR. GREENE: Alright, that sounds like a two person job. [they walk into Rachel's bedroom]
CHANDLER: So, basically just a Chinese guy.
PHOEBE: [a little dog starts attacking her leg] Hey, hey, no, oh oh.
Rachel: Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake!
MONICA: No, no, not a party. Just a surprise gathering of some people Rachel knows. Um, this is Phoebe and Chandler and Joey.
PHOEBE: Ok, question number 28, have you ever allowed a lighning bearer to take your wind? I would have to say no.
RACHEL: Well, I have to be, I don't really have a choice, I mean, you know, I could look at the bright side, I get two birthday parties and two birthday cakes.
JOEY: Yeah, we set up a court in your room. Uh, you didn't really like that grey lamp, did you?
CHANDLER: Joey, a woman just stuck her tounge down my throat, I'm not even listening to you.
RACHEL: Listen honey, can you keep dad occupied, I'm gonna go talk to mom for a while.
MR. GREENE: It's not a game Ross, a woman died on my table today.
MR. GREENE: I think I need a drink.
ROSS: Scotch. Alright, I'll be back in 10 seconds with your scotch on the rocks in a glass.
PHOEBE: Oh no, ooh, ooh, did somebody forget to use a coaster?
RACHEL: Yeah, like a chimney.
ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that? RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember. ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy] RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me? ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. RACH: Huh. ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages? RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.] ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael? [Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]
[Back in Monica's party. Phoebe is talking to a guy and two girls at the party.]
PHOEBE: Alright, I'm sorry but these people needed me. They work hard all week, it's Saturday night, they deserve to have a little fun. Go.
RACHEL: Ok mom, you know what, fine, I'll make an appointment ok, but you know what, right now, I gotta go, I gotta go do a thing.
RACHEL: You want me to see a therapist?
MRS. GREENE: You work and you work and you work at a marriage but all he cares about is his stupid boat.
RACHEL: Daddy, daddy, you know what, I really wanna hear more about this, I really do, but I just have, I just have to do a, some stuff.
MR. GREENE: ...what the hell does she want with half a boat...
Joey: Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as co-host!
MR. GREENE: You work and you work and you work on a boat...
Rachel: (She takes the T-shirt out of the box and holds it to her chest and take a deep breath.) No. Nothing. (She smiles and goes into her room.)
JOEY: Look, it's a nice gesture, it is. But it just feels like--
Phoebe: I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!
Monica: How about, youre moving!! (Grabs a bunch of clothes and throws them into a box. What follows is a brief sequence of Rachel unpacking and Monica packing the same stuff over and over again as Rachel chants "No." and Monica chants "Yes.")
[the guys form a wall between Mrs Geller and Mr Geller and dance across the hall as he walks across]
Monica: Look, I know that you're in a place right now where you really need to hate Julie's guts, but she didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she was just a girl who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that if you gave her a chance, you'd like her. Would you just give that a chance, for me?
MONICA: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.
JOEY: Kinda looks like that stuff you get when you get a bad infection.
PHOEBE: Ok Rachel, make a special flan wish.
FBOB: Look, I am just not strong enough to be in a codependent relationship right now, OK?