words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, 3:02 A.M., Chandler is up. There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.]
Chandler: I know, me too. Hey! Y'know what if we went away for a whole weekend? Y'know we'd have no interruptions and we could be naked the entire time.
Monica: All weekend? That's a whole lotta naked.
Chandler: Yeah, I can say that I have a conference and you can say you have a chef thing.
(Chandler opens the bathroom door to reveal Joey passed out on the toilet with a toothbrush in his mouth.)
Phoebe: Oh weird, Chandler just told us he's got a conference there!
Chandler: I'm not in charge of where the conference is held. Do you want people to think it's a fake conference? It's a real conference.
Phoebe: Wait a minute! So when Emily comes you're just, you're not gonna see Rachel anymore?
Ross: Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the "I get to see my wife," part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this. (He takes a big swig of Pepto Bismol.)
Rachel: (going through the mail) Oh look! A letter from my mom.
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.
(Goes to the bathroom and Chandler turns on the TV and finds a high-speed police chase.)
Chandler: Oh yes! Monica, get in here! There's a high-speed car chase on!
(Monica returns, carrying a glass.)
Ross: Well, y'know how I'm trying to work things out with Emily. Well, there's this one thing Okay, (Rachel has her back turned to the camera, and Ross isn't looking at her.) here goes. I made a promise that-(they cut to the other camera and Ross notices something coming out of Rachel's nose)-Oh hey!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's weekend, a hotel clerk is showing them their new room.]
Hotel Clerk: (watching the chase) They say he's only got half a tank left.
Chandler: Half a tank? We still got a lot of high-speed chasing to do!
Monica: This is a garden view room, and we paid for an ocean view room.
Monica: (To Chandler) Excuse me, umm, can I talk to you over here for just a second?
Monica: Look, these clowns are trying to take us for a ride and I'm not gonna let 'em! And we're not a couple of suckers!
Chandler: I hear ya, Mugsy! But look, all these rooms are fine okay? Can you just pick one so I can watch-(realizes)-have a perfect, magical weekend together with you.
Monica: I don't know, how about the idiot who thought he could drive from Albany to Canada on a half a tank of gas!
Monica: We're supposed to uh, be spending a romantic weekend together, it-it, what is the matter with you?
Chandler: I just want to watch a little television. What is the big deal? Geez, relax mom.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading a magazine and has two tissues stuck up her nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding and as she hears Ross enter, she quickly hides her face behind the magazine and removes the tissues.]
Ross: Hey. Rachel, I-I-I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now and I really, I just have to get it out.
Ross: You have no idea what a nightmare this has been. This is so hard.
Rachel: Oh yeah, really? Is it Ross? Yeah? Okay, well let me make this a just a little bit easier for you.
Joey: Oh, so your weekend was a total bust?
Monica: Yeah. Umm, Chandler can I talk to you outside for a second?
Monica: Chandler stole a twenty from my purse!
Rachel: Well, of course I am! It's not gonna happen to Ross! He's your brother. (To Chandler) He's your old college roommate. Ugh, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the group. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go.
Joey: Y'know, I-I don't even feel like I know you anymore man! All right, look, I'm just gonna ask you this one time. And whatever you say, I'll believe ya. (Pause.) Were you, or were you not on a gay cruise?!
Rachel: Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones.
Ross: (entering) Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec?
Joey: (entering) (He clears his throat to get their attention.) Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is doing a crossword puzzle.]
Chandler: Because of the weekend, we had a fight.
Monica: Chandler that's crazy! If you give up every time you'd have a fight with someone you'd never be with anyone longer thanOhhh! (They both realize something there.)
Monica: (laughs) You are so cute! No. No, it was a fight. You deal with it and move on! It's nothing to freak out about.
Chandler: (stops her) We're in a relationship?
Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second? (He grabs him and starts to drag Joey into Monica's room.)
Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!
Another Tour Guide: (standing up and removing his coat) Im Ted, and I just moved here a month ago, and New York really scares me.
(While Phoebe's bear is still in the lead, it is now closely followed by Joey's robot. Chandler and Monica's dog however, sits down, barking... and does a backflip.)
Rachel: No! Put that box down! We are not going anywhere! This is my apartment and I like it! This is a girls apartment! That is a boys apartment, its dirty and it smells. This is pretty. Its-its so pretty! And look, and its-its purple! And Im telling you, you with the steady hand, I am not moving, and now I have got the steady hand. (She holds out her hand, which is shaking uncontrollably.)
Alice: Hi, Phoebe! We were just at the drugstore and we got you a little present.
Frank: Umm, its a lollipop and a uh, a home pregnancy test.
(Theres a knock on the door and Monica answers it.)
Monica: Hey, Rach, can you give me a hand with this box?
Alice: So umm, you feel like taking a test? Theres only one question.
Phoebe: (gasps) White Plains. Oh, it sounds like such a magical place.
Phoebe: You guys! You guys! Youre gonna have a baby! Theyre gonna have a baby!
(She opens a door and they both scream at horror at whats inside of it.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, theyre both unpacked. The big ceramic dog has found a new home in front of the window. Joey screams and runs into the living room.]
[Scene: A Theatre, Chandler and Ross are there to watch the premiere of Kathys play.]
Monica: Hey, Rach! I made a pile of your stuff over on this side of the room. If you could just (Rachel grunts and throws her purse at it) throw your purses at it.
(Onstage theres a knock on the door and Kathy opens it. We dont see whats going on, only hear it.)
Monica: Oh my God, are you out of a job?
Joey: (Holding a turkey leg) Theres gravy?
Rachel: No, but they stuck me in personal shopping. Which is just a huge step down!
Chandler: Well, yknow Im 29. I mean who needs a savings account.
Chandler: (to Kathy) Uhh, that was Joey. Hes running a little late, he says hes sorry.
Joey: I think I left a donut up here.
Tom: I'm gonna go talk to uh, a friend.
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Phoebe: Thats a good idea for a business!
Joey: (to Ross) That-that is a good trick.
Joey: Okay look, look, let me ask you a question, when they were doing it on stage, was it like really hot?
Ross: Theyre not a couple!
Phoebe: I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the UN and, I dont know where his country is.
Chandler: No. No, see when I first meet somebody its uh its mostly panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating.
(They go get a drink.)
Monica: I think I need a drink.
Joey: Yep! Grab a plate.
Monica: (laughs) Please, its a relief is what it is, is what it is.
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up as her boss, Mr. Waltham, walks in.) Oh! Mr. Waltham, I ah really need to talk to you.
Mr. Waltham: In a moment, please, Im in the middle of a task. And you have a customer.
Joshua: Well, I need a whole new wardrobe. My wife, well my ex-wife
Joshua: Anyway, she burned all of my clothes. I got away with two things. This suit and what turned out to be a skirt.
(Richard squishes a little too hard and some lands on his shirt.)
Rachel: Well, at least thats a great suit.
(He walks out and Rachel stares at his butt as he leaves. He makes a wrong turn.)
Ross: Here she comes. Dont say a word, okay? Just be cool, dont be y'know you.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross still has boxes all over the place. Joey is wearing a football helmet, and Chandler is spinning him around in one of the chairs and counting.]
Kathy: Its a good play, isnt it?
Kathy: Acting! Chandler, this is my job! Im-Im playing a part in a play! How can you not trust me?!
Monica: Good! Now, take those salads to table 4, (to the kitchen worker from earlier) And you! Get the swordfish! (to another assistant chef) And you! Get a haircut!
Phoebe: Rachel has a new doll.
Joey: (Holding a magazine) Wow! The new Playboy!
WOMAN: You know, I uh, I couldn't help but overhear what you just said, and I think it's time for you to forget about Rose, move on with your life...how 'bout we go get you a drink?
Phoebe: Well, why did you make like a whole big thing out of y'know, everyone has to hang out in the big apartment?
Joey: (getting up) Dude, I'm telling ya! I'm fine! (He tries to take a step and falls flat on his face.)
Phoebe: Wait a minute.
Rachel: Yeah but, Ive never asked a guy out before.
Phoebe: He just got a divorce right?
Phoebe: (shocked) Youve never asked a guy out?!!
Rachel: You know what, Im gonna do that, Im gonna call him up, and Im gonna ask him out. I can do that. Ask him out. (Practising) How you doin? (Calls him) Hi! Joshua? Its Rachel Green from Bloomingdales. (Listens) Yeah, umm, I was wondering if you umm, if you umm, left your wallet at the store today? Well, we found a wallet, and we(Listens) the license? Well, that is a good idea! Uh, well, lets see here this says this license belongs to a uh, uh, belongs to a mister uh, Pheebs, and umm, yeah, so sorry to bother you at home. Ill see you tomorrow. Bye. (Hangs up) (to Phoebe) Youve done that a thousand times?
(We hear a noise coming from Monica and Rachels apartment.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Phoebe are watching a movie as Chandler comes in from his bedroom.]
Ross: Oh hey, hey, huh, how about this weekend we have a laser disc marathon okay, and maybe a tournament on my new dart board? Huh, huh, what do you think? (in an Irish accent) Two days of darts, itll be great!
Rachel: Oh! Well, as a single woman, who is available, I think you look great!
Rachel: Yep. Oh, yeah, look you great. (She puts her arm in his and checks how they would look as a couple.) Oh yeah. Yeah, this looks great. (Pause) Umm, so you like it?
Rachel: Would you like to go to a basketball game with me? (Tries again.) You know, its funny, basketball, because I happen to have tickets too (Tries again.) Umm, who likes the Knicks(Joshua comes in from the dressing room.)
Monica: Ive been doing a lot of thinking. A lot! And umm, well, I came up with a whole bunch of businesses you can do with your van. Okay umm, you could be flower delivery person.
Dick Clark: (on TV) Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times Square. We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square...
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I-I wish I had too, but yknow I-I think this is a good thing. Y'know? Cause weve had our first fight, and now we can move on. Yknow, I know for me(Notices a pair of mens pants on the chair.) Nicks pants?
Ross: So the first time you ask a guy out, he-he turns you down?
Chandler: Yeah. Well, I think our second fight is going to be a big one!
Ross: Yeah. But, the good news is that Phoebe said that I could stay at her place for a while. So
Rachel: Your company has a fine foods division?
Rachel: Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.
Ross: Well, if-if she thought they were on a break
Phoebe: (holding a lure) So now, what is this now?
Joey: (examining it) Ohh, a hunk of sandwich from last year. (Monica drops the sandwich)
Mr. Waltham: Rachel, one of your customers seems to have left his billfold. A Joshua Bergen.
Joey: Gettin drunk and going to a strip club.
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is still dressing Joshua. He is trying on a pair of pants.]
Mr. Waltham: (entering) Rachel! Could I have a moment?
Rachel: How does going to a strip club help him better?
Phoebe: I know, you mustve won like a contest or something!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is in his sweats flinging playing cards into a pot.]
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Rachel: Ill be right there! (to Ross) Okay, Ross, please come on! I thought we have moved on! I thought weve gotten to a place where we could be happy for each other! I mean was that just me?
Rachel: Theres been a teeny-teeny change in plans. It turns out that Im not free tonight. So
Monica: Well umm, they both have a egg yolk and butter base, but a bearnaise has shallots, shirvel, and most importantly tarragon.
Chandler: (in a serious, businesslike tone) Rachel, could I see you for a moment?
Rachel: Heywhoa, slow down. (Gets a whiff of him) No, keep moving. (Joey runs off.) Wow!
Rachel: Well, I didnt see Joshua last night, but I did punch a girl in the face.
Chandler: Oh, yes. I decided to leave these out for you in case Richard stops by and you wanna engage on a little light bondage and moustache play!
Rachel: No, she was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her. Ohhh! I cant believe this, all I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua, so he can go ahead and start falling in love with me.
Chandler: They got a breakfast buffet.
Monica: Hes with Emily at a Bed and Breakfast in Vermont!
Emily: (rushing in) Ross! Come quickly! Theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!
Ross: Ive gotta go, theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard! (He hangs up and runs out.)
Ross: When we first met her, she was soaking, her feet were wet! Who wouldnt be miserable? Im telling you when I got her into a dry pair of shoes, she was a totally different person.
Monica: He had to go, theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard.
Monica: A couple of days.
Monica: What are you doing?! Chandler! You cant just go back a phase!
The A.D: Calm down, we got time, were running a little late.
Joey: Look at that, Charlton Heston eating a liquorice whip!
The A.D: Theres no way he smells, hes the only one around here with a shower in his dressing room.
The A.D: You?