words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, 3:02 A.M., Chandler is up. There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.]
Chandler: I know, me too. Hey! Y'know what if we went away for a whole weekend? Y'know we'd have no interruptions and we could be naked the entire time.
Monica: All weekend? That's a whole lotta naked.
Chandler: Yeah, I can say that I have a conference and you can say you have a chef thing.
(Chandler opens the bathroom door to reveal Joey passed out on the toilet with a toothbrush in his mouth.)
Phoebe: Oh weird, Chandler just told us he's got a conference there!
Chandler: I'm not in charge of where the conference is held. Do you want people to think it's a fake conference? It's a real conference.
Phoebe: Wait a minute! So when Emily comes you're just, you're not gonna see Rachel anymore?
Ross: Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the "I get to see my wife," part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this. (He takes a big swig of Pepto Bismol.)
Rachel: (going through the mail) Oh look! A letter from my mom.
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.
(Goes to the bathroom and Chandler turns on the TV and finds a high-speed police chase.)
Chandler: Oh yes! Monica, get in here! There's a high-speed car chase on!
(Monica returns, carrying a glass.)
Ross: Well, y'know how I'm trying to work things out with Emily. Well, there's this one thing Okay, (Rachel has her back turned to the camera, and Ross isn't looking at her.) here goes. I made a promise that-(they cut to the other camera and Ross notices something coming out of Rachel's nose)-Oh hey!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's weekend, a hotel clerk is showing them their new room.]
Hotel Clerk: (watching the chase) They say he's only got half a tank left.
Chandler: Half a tank? We still got a lot of high-speed chasing to do!
Monica: This is a garden view room, and we paid for an ocean view room.
Monica: (To Chandler) Excuse me, umm, can I talk to you over here for just a second?
Monica: Look, these clowns are trying to take us for a ride and I'm not gonna let 'em! And we're not a couple of suckers!
Chandler: I hear ya, Mugsy! But look, all these rooms are fine okay? Can you just pick one so I can watch-(realizes)-have a perfect, magical weekend together with you.
Monica: I don't know, how about the idiot who thought he could drive from Albany to Canada on a half a tank of gas!
Monica: We're supposed to uh, be spending a romantic weekend together, it-it, what is the matter with you?
Chandler: I just want to watch a little television. What is the big deal? Geez, relax mom.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading a magazine and has two tissues stuck up her nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding and as she hears Ross enter, she quickly hides her face behind the magazine and removes the tissues.]
Ross: Hey. Rachel, I-I-I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now and I really, I just have to get it out.
Ross: You have no idea what a nightmare this has been. This is so hard.
Rachel: Oh yeah, really? Is it Ross? Yeah? Okay, well let me make this a just a little bit easier for you.
Joey: Oh, so your weekend was a total bust?
Monica: Yeah. Umm, Chandler can I talk to you outside for a second?
Monica: Chandler stole a twenty from my purse!
Rachel: Well, of course I am! It's not gonna happen to Ross! He's your brother. (To Chandler) He's your old college roommate. Ugh, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the group. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go.
Joey: Y'know, I-I don't even feel like I know you anymore man! All right, look, I'm just gonna ask you this one time. And whatever you say, I'll believe ya. (Pause.) Were you, or were you not on a gay cruise?!
Rachel: Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones.
Ross: (entering) Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec?
Joey: (entering) (He clears his throat to get their attention.) Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is doing a crossword puzzle.]
Chandler: Because of the weekend, we had a fight.
Monica: Chandler that's crazy! If you give up every time you'd have a fight with someone you'd never be with anyone longer thanOhhh! (They both realize something there.)
Monica: (laughs) You are so cute! No. No, it was a fight. You deal with it and move on! It's nothing to freak out about.
Chandler: (stops her) We're in a relationship?
Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second? (He grabs him and starts to drag Joey into Monica's room.)
Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!
Parker: Its a haven. A third-floor paradise. A modern-day Eden in the midst
Rachel: I meant er, (struggling to concentrate) young, young, I meant young, young to be a doctor. Oh good, Rach.
Luisa: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. (To Rachel) But you? What a bitch!
Joey: A monkey.
Joey: Ho-ho-ho, (pausing for a rest next to the fridge) fried stuff with cheese!
(Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment)
[Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in through a window and run down some stairs, then Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor without noticing.]
(They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty woman emerges)
Woman No. 1: Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find your monkey. (She starts to shut the door)
Luisa: Just a small tranquiliser.
Luisa: Step aside, ladies! (She loads a gun)
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much.
Ross: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off with a monkey. I should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil.
Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!
Friend No. 1: Well, I would like to propose a toast to the woman, who in one year from today, become Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber DDS
(Marcel jumps into view wearing a pink dress. Everybody gasps)
Mr. Heckles: I don't have a monkey.
Rachel: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'?
Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!
Ross: (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't've been fat.
Chandler: Youre gonna be carrying their baby and give them a Sony Play Station?
Rachel: Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that would be a great little outfit.
Monica: Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago?
Joey: No way! Mr.Salty is a sailor, all right, he's got to be, like, thetoughest snack there is.
Monica: (looking out of the window) Oh my God. You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a telescope!
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way.
Phoebe: Not a good day for birds...
Ross: I have to say you are a much bigger person than I am. I mean after all weve been through, I justyknow I wish I had a brother to reciprocate. Hey, if you ever want to go out with Monica, you have my blessing.
Ross: All right here. Watch me execute the three Ps of championship play. Power. (swings the racquet) Precision. (swings the racquet.) and penache. (does a backswing and hits Sarah whos started up the stairs, knocking her down, they both watch in horror.)
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God!
(A pause as they look at Chandler.)
Angela: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs.
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
Ross: (on phone) Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. (pause) No, belive me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. (pause) All rightie, bye bye.
Rachel: I had a bra.
Monica: Yeah.. uh, but for future reference, that thing in your hand can also be used as a phone.
Phoebe: Y'know, if you want, you can call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps, that means she probably didn't get her messages yet.
(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Phoebe: And... moment's over! (Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off) So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... (she's flipping cards skipping half of them) Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I (Monica is miming CUT). Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS (she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands) OR THIS (she taps her watch) OR THIS (she mimes CUT) OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! (pause) You know what? You're done.
Monica: You had sex in his chair?!... I said that a little too loudly, didn't I?
Rachel: (in a low voice) We ended up having sex in his chair.
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.)
Ross: (leaving) I just have to go, all right? Do I need a reason? Huh? I mean I have things to do with my life, I have a jam packed schedule, and I am late- for keeping up with it. Okay?
Phoebe: Don't feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot. But then you got promoted, and, you know, now you're like "Mr. Boss Man". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, "Boss Man Bing".
David: Yeah, Im just, Im just in town for a conference. Umm, God you look phenomenal!
(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joeys nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because hes now forced to actually hold his breath.)
Chandler: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride.
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee?
Mindy: Okay, okay... when Barry was engaged to you, he and I...kind of... had a little thing on the side.
Joey: (watches them for a while) Oh my.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword, Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at his phone.]
Joey: (to Monica) Can I use your phone? (On phone) Yeah, the number for a Sidney Marks, please.
Monica: So she's a woman! So what?
Rachel: Hey. Got a second?
Mindy: Basically, we think you're a horrible human being, and bad things should happen to you.
Ross: It's, it's, it's, uh, a totally diferent situation! It's, it's apples and oranges, it's, it's orthodontists and lesbi- I gotta go.
Rachel: Please! During that second time you couldn't have picked her out of a lineup!
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, is Sidney there? (Listens) Oh, this is? (To the gang) Sidney's a woman.
JULIE: So is there like a story or do they just stard doing it right. . . oh, never mind.
Monica: Oh, well... um, that's all there are of these. But in about eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets.
Ross: What, so he was a little analytical. That's what he does, y'know? C'mon, he's not that bad.
Monica: How do you think I am?! Youve wrecked all my childhood memories. You love Ross more than me. And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face!
Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?
Ross: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.
Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase.
Tommy: Can-can we take a look at your ticket?
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...
[Scene: A Tap Class, the girls are standing at the door.]
Monica: (Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) I'm going to tap class.
Teacher: You don't observe a dance class. You dance
Ross: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink.
Teacher: Alright people, now everyone grab a partner.
Phoebe: (Dancing in a swirly, Phoebe kind of way) I'm totally getting it!
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)
Monica: Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare.
Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?
Monica: Are you a virgin?
Monica: You're not a senior?
Chandler: Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, theres a big selling calendar, eh?
Young Ethan: Oh, I'm a senior... in High School.
Young Ethan: Uh, listen um, as long as we're telling stuff, uh, I have another one for you. I'm a little younger than I said.
Young Ethan: Well it's somewhere in between. You see, in a strictly technical sense, of course, I'm not uh..., well I, I mean I haven't ever uh...
Joey: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.
Phoebe: Yeah, oh Im sorry, it must be really hard to hear! I tell ya, its a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk on your bladder! Im so sick of being pregnant! The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee, which of course is decaf, causeOh! Im pregnant!
Chandler: And this has nothing to do with the fact that he needs a note to get out of gym.
Phoebe: Um, oh, I've got a birthday party, with some work people.
Mr. Geller: Why would you serve food on such a sharp stick? (Looking a toothpick)
Phoebe: Well, then you should come tonight. You know, just hang out with them. Let them see what a great guy you still are.
[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are taking a break from work.]
Ross: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, it means she's having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it.
LIPSON: I'm sorry Mr. Geller. But ya know, there's an old saying, 'Sometimes monkeys die.' It's not a great saying but it certainly is fitting today.
Ross: Oh, well this morning he got a call from who I think was our cousin Nathan, and frankly, it was a little more than I needed to know.
Phoebe: I know, I know. So sweet... and so complicated. And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky, y'know?
Ross: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is watching TV, but turns it off, and Rachel is sleeping on the couch. Ross puts a blanket over her.]
Ross: What? (his beeper goes off) Great, now I'm having a baby.
Rachel: Ooh, is this one of those things where you throw it in a bag with some graveyard dirt and hang it from a north-facing tree?
(Rachel comes out from their apartment with a mirror and a lipstick in her hands)
Ross: I'm having... I'm having a baby. (jumps back onto the table again) I'm having a... Where's the phone? The phone?