words in movies
Ross: So, did he get on one knee, did he have a speech prepared, or (in a tender way) did he cry? (the guys look at him) Yeah, big surprise, I like proposals!
Joey: Well, hey! Well... (he takes his mug to toast Phoebe) Here's to Phoebe, who's found the greatest guy in the world! To Phoebe and... (a bit uncertain) I wanna say Mike? (pause) To Phoebe and Mike!
Phoebe: Dead. (everyone is a bit upset) Oh, it's OK, no, he was old, yeah! And he lived a full life, he was in the first wave at Omaha Beach.
Chandler: Hey, I'm sorry, I should have given you guys my black book when I got married! Although it wasn't so much a book as a... napkin. With Janice's phone number on it.
Rachel: Phoebe, isn't Jethro Tull a band?
Chandler: Oh, then I'll tell you. My agency was bidding for a big account and they got it! It's my first national commercial!
Chandler: Yeah, and I don't wanna brag but a lot of the ideas were mine! (silence) Hell, you weren't there? All the ideas were mine!!!
Joey: What do you mean? I can do anything, I'm a chameleon! Huh? (he mimes an old man with a beard) I'm old! (then he yawns) I'm tired! (then he mimes someone who's hot...) Hey, I'm hot (...and cold) I'm cold!! Huh?? Come on! What can't I do?
Chandler: First of all. Bravo. Uh, but I really don't think you're right for this. The part calls for a stuffy college professor.
Joey: I can do that! (in a deeper voice) "Hello, I'm your professor. When I'm not busy thinking of important things or... professing. I like to use..." Oh, what's the product?
Joey: (after a long pause he starts miming again) I'm cold!
Ross: Guess who's a finalist for a huge research grant! I'll give you a hint, he's looking right at you.
Charlie: Mmh... he does have a pretty serious latex fetish.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. She is packing a few tings into boxes.]
Monica: Hey, you wanna go to see a movie?
Monica: Uh, Chandler did! What does he want you to give up? Phoebe: A bunch of stuff. And the worst one... he wants me to get rid of Gladys.
Monica: Who's Gladys? (Phoebe shows her a horrific painting with a half-a-body girl dummy coming out of the frame. Monica's frightened and she gasps.) Oh! What a tragic loss!
Monica: Well, of course I do. What's not to like! I'll take her in a minute! But, you know, I think that you're giving up too easy, honey. I think that you need to fight for her!
Joey: What do you mean? Rach, don't I seem like a professor you'd buy some kind of e-crap from?
Joey (to Chandler): Look, c'mon, please? It's not like I'm asking for some crazy favour. This is what I do for a living. I am a professional actor! (he glances at his watch and sees the time) Oh, man, I'm two hours late for work! (he stands, ready to go). Look, here's a copy of my reels. It's got all the commercials that I've been in.
Chandler: That's good! I liked it, they didn't. (he sees Joey out of the window hitting on a girl) Joey, for God's sake, go to work! (Joey runs away).
[Scene: A restaurant. Ross and Charlie are waiting for her ex-boyfriend, Benjamin Hobart]
Ross: Well, I... I am having a good hair day.
Ross: No, but, it's, you know, it's just a funny image, you know, the two of you, in this restaurant, with... (laughs nervously)tzz-zzz, mmm.
Ross: Ok well, I would like to do a dig in the painted desert.
Phoebe: Girls, girls, stop, ok? We'll flip a coin. Heads, she's Rachel's, tails she's Monica's. (she flips the coin). Tails! Monica, she's yours!
Chandler:(In a sarcastic "of course not"!-tone) No!
[Scene: Interview room. Ross and two other professors (one man, one woman) are sitting on one side of a long desk. Benjamin Hobart is sitting on the other side]
Benjamin: Care to venture a guess?
Dr. Li: Half a dozen.
Benjamin: Certainly. Dr. Geller, which 1965 Shirelles hit was later covered by a popular British invasion band?
Ross: Wha...? Wait, wait, wait, just a minute. None of my questions have anything to do with Paleontology.
Ross: (annoyed) um... I've never heard of a "Boscodictiasaur".
Benjamin: No, it starts with a silent "M".
Chandler: I can't believe Joey. I hate being called a liar!
Rachel: But you are a liar.
Joey: (comes out holding the tape) Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, ok? (puts it into the vcr) If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan. (presses play and he appears on the TV screen and a TV commercial begins)
Joey says "Ichiban". It displays a few girls dancing around and Joey fills most of the screen, he puts something blue on his lips and smacks them saying "Lipstick For Men!" It goes on to show him playing a guitar and putting on more blue lipstick. In the end he says seductively "Ichiban... Lipstick For Men" and "Sahiko" and it ends. Chandler and Rachel are speechless.)
Chandler: He really is a chameleon.
Rachel: (surprised by how ugly it is) Wow! (sarcastic) Oh, she's so nice and big! Oh, Monica, where are you going to display Gladys oh so proudly? (looks around for a spot)
Monica: (sounds desperate, knowing what Rachel is trying to do) I haven't really settled on a spot yet!
Joey: I got it from Monica. She sold it to me for a very reasonable price.
Rachel: She climbs out of the frame, and then drags her half-a-body across the floor, just looking for legs to steal. (in a spooky, slow voice) And then with her one good hand, she slo-o-owly re-e-a-aches up and turns your doorknob.
Phoebe: Hey! (there's a pause)
Phoebe: You guys! You guys! You don't have to fight over her anymore. (she goes out into the hallway and enters with an even more hideous painting/collage. One of those faceles mannequins heads wearing a blueish dress and orange gloves reaching out into the room. Around the head 3 small dolls are hovering.) Whoever doesn't get Gladys gets Glynnis. (Rachel and Monica are gasping for air at the sight of this monstrous piece of art.)
[Scene: Rachel and Joey's. Joey's home alone, reading a Sports Illustrated magazine when Chandler enters.]
Chandler: I'm a pretty little girl.
Charlie: Benji isn't in love with me. I mean, he broke up with me. And besides, he's a very ethical man.
Ross: Really? Is it ethical to ask someone in a grant review, who was the voice of "Underdog"?
Ross: Sweetie, this conversation is starting to make me a little uncomfortable.
Rachel: Oh, don't be such a baby!
Joey: So that if we went out on a date, shed be there.
Susan: Look, I dont see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because Im a woman.
Teacher: Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower.
Chandler: A cool phone number, and a possible name for the kid.
Monica: Well, if you think about it, I am kind of like a Reverend. I mean, as a chef, I serve God, by feeing the hungry and poor. (looks very convinced about what she just said)
Fran: Look, youre cold, I have to pee, and... (indicating the sign) ..theres a cup of coffee on the window. How bad could it be?
Monica: I cant believe you. You still havent told that girl she doesnt have a job yet?
Ross: Both logic and math are taking a serious hit today.
(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.)
(Joey lets himself in, carrying a large paper shopping bag.)
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.
Monica: Okay, he's a senior in college.
Dr. Long: (To Joey) Uh, if you have any questions, heres some information on Braxton-Hicks. (Hands Joey a pamphlet.) Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. Youre gonna make a wonderful father.
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Teacher: Lights please? And thats having a baby. Next week is our final class.
Soothing male voice: ..a sound Mom and Dad never forget. For this after all, is the miracle of birth.
Ross: Im gonna be a father.
[Scene 13: Central Perk, the gang is gathered around Monica comforting her brother, who in a slight state of shock is cuddling a cushion for security.]
Joey: A meatball Sub? Thanks! (he got a meatball sandwich)
Mr. Douglas: I see. I guess you never really know whats goin on inside a persons head.
Ross: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Nina: Do you have a sec?
Chandler: Ah, well, maybe thats, ah, because youre getting a big raise.
Chandler: Oh, you dont know. (Presses a button.) Helen, could you make sure we put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinders raise?
Nina: Oh my god! (Rushing over to give him a big hug) Youre amazing!
(Nina puts her hands on her hips, then gives Chandler a quizzical look.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Monica: (gasps) We had a characturist!
Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if youre ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk.
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Rachel: Oh please, theyve been going out a week. They havent even slept together yet, I mean, thats not serious.
Rachel: (Tapping the clipboard) well, now, wait a second, who did I just put as my "In case of emergency" person?
Rachel: (Like a big baby) Um... unless, unless I use yours.
Monica: I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars.
Nurse: You are an idiot. (She hands over a blank form).
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Chandler: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.
Chandler: What are you crazy? That's a baby!
Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am so not ready to be a father.
(Joey looks at his friends, thinks a bit more, then realises.)
Phoebe: (with a deep voice) Mr. Bing's office. (Listens) No I'm sorry, he's in a meeting right now.
Rachel: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?
Rachel: ..so, he said it was just a sprain, and that was it.
Chandler: I'm not in a meeting. I'm right... Whoops.
Ross: Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady. She's curator of insects at the museum.
Joey: Check it out, Giants-Cowboys. (He has a pocket TV)
(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.)
(The party falls flat. Chandler tries to think of a witticism, but even he can't help...)
Mr. Geller: I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody had said to me, here's a tomato that looks like a prune, I'd say "get out of my office!"
Ross: Thanks, Dad, really, I ju... you know, I just, I just needed to know, um... when did you start to feel like a father?
Chandler: Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
Rachel (as Monica): You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... okay... (They don't know what to do with their coats and Monica points to the living room) STAT!
Monica: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world, okay?
Rachel: Oh, Monica! Would you stop being such a wuss?
Monica: I said we are not going to do it, okay? Sometimes you can be such a, a big baby.
Monica: Sure, every time, you're such a princess...
Dr. Mitchell: ..you add a pinch of saffron, it makes all the difference.
Rachel: (as Monica) Thanks! I've been here about six years, and Rachel moved in a few months ago.
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Rachel: (as Monica) And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school, I was a cow?
Chandler: Now that I untangled you, how 'bout you doing a little something for me?
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but haha, hey, that's me. (Indicating a dish on the table) Why don't you try the hummus?
Phoebe: Ooh! A Salami Buddy!
Rachel: Would you excuse me for a second?
(Meanwhile, Rachel has taken another call, from a nurse she'd hoped never to hear from again.)
Dr. Rosen: This is a great place. How long have you lived here?
Phoebe: Um you, you got a minute?
Phoebe: Um, oh, I got you a birthday present.
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)
Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?
Phoebe: No. No food with a face.
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Carol answers it to Ross.]
(Monica smiles a sweet apology of regret, until she's distracted by Marcel as he clambers all over her nice furniture.)
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay for this with a check.
Ross: Do you have a point?
Phoebe: Yeah, well hed prefer water colors, but y'know, he has easy access to a lot of charcoal.
Chandler: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel like a father.
Ross: You've got to help me my monkey swallowed a 'K'!
Ross: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'?
RACH: [obviously drunk] I mean, it's a cat, y'know, it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, y'know, one of those fruitflies, those things that live for like a day or something? [belligerently] What're they called, what're they called, what're they called?
Dr. Mitchell: I'll take a look at him.
Ross: It's just a fur ball.
Phoebe: Oh, I love you Hexadrin! (She kisses the box.) Oh look! It comes with a story! (She pulls out the instructions and side affects paper.)
Chandler: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
Rachel: (as Monica) Aahh, I'm a... chef at a restaurant uptown.
Ross: Yes, I do have a laundry room in my building, um, but there's a.... rat problem. Apparently they're attracted to the dryer sheets, and they're goin' in fine, but they're comin' out all.... fluffy. Anyway, say, sevenish?
[Scene: The Hospital, Marcel lies on the operating table while recovering from the anaesthetic, tucked up under a sheet like an infant in a huge bed. Ross sits beside him, as a smiling Chandler, Monica and Rachel look on.]
Chandler: (Tapping Ross on his shoulder) So, you feel like a dad yet?
(The others rush to the window for a look.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is there. Rachel is looking out of the window and Ross is handing out some Chinese takeout. There's a small SAP in the corner of the screen.]
Rachel: Hey, look, you guys, I'm going for anything here, OK? I cannot be a waitress anymore, I mean it. I'm sick of the lousy tips, I'm sick of being called 'Excuse me...'
Monica: Do you really want a job with Popular Mechanics?
Joey: Oh no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few.
[Scene: Petes office, he is participating in a conference call with three other employees, each of whom are on a different TV screen that he controls with a remote.]