words in movies
Joey: I can't believe it. When you guys come back, you're gonna have a baby! That is so weird!
Monica: She's only a couple of months pregnant. She liked our application but who knows if she's gonna like us.
Monica: And a lot could still get in our way.
Chandler: I can develop a condition in which I talk and talk and no one hears a word.
Monica: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby!
Monica: Oh my God, it's gonna WORK! We're gonna make it work! I'm gonna be a mummy and (to Chandler) you're gonna be a daddy! All right, I'll see you suckers. I'm gonna get me... A BABY! {she leaves)
Chandler: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's speaking to a girl.]
Joey: Ok, I may not have treated your friends well in the past, but I have grown up a lot, really. Honest, Rach?
Ross: (he takes a baby blue beret out of a shopping box and puts it on) How does this look?
Rachel: Well, it's a little low... pick up a little... (Ross picks it up) a little bit more... (he picks it up again) a little bit more... (he takes it off) There you go! (pause) Now throw it away!
Rachel: Ross, please, trust me. I buy 30 fashion magazines a month. Now, I don't know who's running for president or who that... NATO guy is, but I do know that you have to get as far away as you can from that hat.
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.]
Agency guy: Please, make yourself comfortable and I will back in a moment with Erica.
Erica: You're kidding me? I mean, it's enough that you are a doctor. But on top of it, you're married to a reverend?
Phoebe: Oh, my friend Sarah had a great time last night.
Joey: Oh, really? You know what your great friend did? We're out to dinner, ok? (he starts talking about the date and we can see what happened through a flashback video) We're getting along, having a really nice time. I was thinking she was really cool. And then, out of nowhere...
(Sarah picks up some fries from Joey’s plate and Joey looks very angry. Then we’re back to Central Perk and Joey does a you-see-what-I-mean look to Phoebe)
Joey: Hey, hey, look! It’s not about a few fries... it’s about what the fries represent.
Phoebe: I’m sorry, I can’t believe I set you up with such a MONSTER!
Joey: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look. I take a girl out, she can order whatever she wants! The more, the better! All right? Just don’t order a Garden salad and then eat my food! That’s a good way to lose some fingers!
Phoebe: Joey and my friend were out last night and having dinner and she reaches over and takes a few of his fries...
Rachel: Oh, yeah. Joey doesn’t share food. I mean, just last week we were having breakfast and he had a couple of grapes on his plate and ...
Phoebe: (to Joey) You wouldn’t let her have a grape?
Joey: (mad and pointing a finger to himself) JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!
Phoebe: Well, I still think that it’s a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her! And if you need to, just get an extra plate of fries for the table!
Joey: (he thinks a little, considering the option and seems to be quite satisfied) I like that! A sharing buffer! Yeah! I’ll order some extra fries! Maybe a plate of onion rings. Yeah. And a shrimp cocktail. And some buffalo wings. Maybe an individual pizza, uh? And some mozzarella sticks. (he looks absorbed in his food thoughts) What were we talking about?
[Scene: A clothes store. Ross and Phoebe are shopping]
(Rachel arrives with a lot of clothes)
Ross: Rach, come on, I’m not gonna wear any of this! (he picks up a shirt) Nothing silver. (Rachel sighs). Ok? Nothing with hair! (Rachel sighs again) And nothing with padlocks on it! (Rachel heaves a long disappointing sigh).
Rachel: Ross, look, I know that some of this stuff is out there, but I mean, come on, look at this, look at this sweater! (she picks up a blue sweater). I mean, this is just beautiful!
Ross: Both logic and math are taking a serious hit today.
Phoebe (walking to Ross carrying a black leather jacket): Hey, check this out! It’s totally you!
Ross: Actually this looks like pretty good! Yeah!(he turns and watches his back and there’s a sign on the back of the jacket, “boys will be boys”) Boys will be boys?
Rachel: No, no, no, no! Ross, wait! Come on! You know, there’s other stuff. Here’s a nice shirt, look at these nice pants...
Rachel: Yes, they will! You know what you should do? Just go take a walk, all right? I know your size and I’m... I’m gonna pick up some really good stuff for you.
Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife’s a reverend, that’s important to you?
Erica: Yeah, I read some great applications, but then I thought “who better then a minister to raise a child!”
Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor!
Monica: It says “Do it!”. And behold she did adopt onto them a baby. And it was good.
Erica: I was wondering you both have such serious jobs. (to Monica) Would you have time to take care of a baby and your flock?
Erica: (to Chandler) Being a doctor must take up a lot of time.
Chandler: Yeah, actually. So, you read a file that you liked and you gave the agency the serial number and they contacted us?
[Scene: Ross walks into Central Perk, wearing a pink and white ladies shirt. Joey is on the couch]
Ross: (to Joey) So? What do you think? (Shows himself - Joey observes him with a strange look on his face.)
Ross: (not getting it) Yeah! Yeah! Rachel picked it out for me. She told me to trust her and you know what? I'm glad I did! I turned quite a few heads on my way over here.
Joey: (now laughing a little) Dude, I really don't think you should be wearing that.
Ross: Oh, I see, somebody is afraid of a little competition with the ladies?
Joey: (looking a little agitated now) Looks like someone IS the ladies!!
Ross: You're just jealous because you couldn't pull this off. Yeah, now if you'll excuse me (getting up and taking his coat) I have a date. (As he is walking out, everyone turns and stares at him) See? (To Joey) ALL eyes on ME!
Chandler: It's wrong. They made a mistake. They think we're somebody else.
Monica: Well, if you think about it, I am kind of like a Reverend. I mean, as a chef, I serve God, by feeing the hungry and poor. (looks very convinced about what she just said)
Monica: I mean, who knows how long it's gonna take for someone else to give us a baby? What if, what if no one ever picks us?
Chandler: Monica, I want a baby too, but this woman is giving away her child. She deserves to know who it's going to. Monica: (realizes Chandler is right. She's almost crying) okay, right. (They hug)
Monica: (sniffing) Maybe she will. Uh! Why couldn't I have been a Reverend?
[Scene: A restaurant. Joey is on his date with Phoebe’s friend, Sarah. They are sitting opposite each other on a table for two. Their waiter approaches with two plates.]
Waiter: A garden salad for the lady (sets the plate down)
Joey: oh, I didn't know you liked French fries. Help yourself! What's mine is yours. (Sarah reaches over and takes a few fries)
(Sarah, is grinning and starts to reach over to Joey's plate to take a few clams)
Sarah: They are delicious (takes a few from the plate, puts one in her mouth and places the rest on her plate, then starts to reach over to Joey's platter again)
(Then she reaches over again and Joey moves his plate a little to the left, and she misses, then she reaches out again, and he moves his plate to the right , so she misses again. She tries a third time and this time, Joey pushes his plate so far to the left, it drops off the edge of the table)
Sarah: Fine, I'm sorry, I didn't think it was that big a deal.
Joey: I'm sorry, I'm overreacting. Okay, It's just when it comes to food, I have certain rules, okay, I mean (bends down and with his plate and his hands, scrapes the dropped dinner back onto the plate and puts it back on the table) There are things you do..and you now, things.. (takes something from the plate and blows it a little) that you don't do (He takes a bite from it).
(Sarah looks a little disgusted)
[Scene: Ross and his date walk into a lobby. They are both wearing their jackets]
Sarah: (laughing) No. If I can't have your clams, you can't have my dessert. This is a two way street.
Joey: Why, just a tiny little...
(He takes a little piece of Sarah's dessert. At first he doesn't think it's that special, but then...)
(Sarah enters the room again, and stops when she sees her dessert is missing. Joey has emptied her plate, and has a chocolate covered mouth, just like a kid.)
Agency guy: So, these are the preliminary forms for an open adoption. There's a lot to go over, but I'll explain everything as we go through it.
Monica: (pointing to a picture on the table) I-Is... Is that a picture?
Erica: Yeah. It's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. I thought you might want to see it. (gives it to Monica, who looks at it for a long time, and then shows it to Chandler)
Chandler: The agency must have made some mistake. My wife is not a reverend and I'm not a doctor.
Monica: Well, we... (makes quotation signs in the air) "bore false witness"... See I could be a reverend.
Erica: I've nothing to say to you. (walks a few paces)
Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.
Chandler: Erica, please. Just consider us. Ask them to see our file. Our last name's Bing. My wife's a chef and I'm in advertising.
Chandler: But you did like us. And you should. My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... It kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... Please?
Ross: Turns out this sweater is made for a woman.
Joey: Yeah, and you know what? We could do a lot worse.
(they shake hands the way friends would. There's a muffin on the table, and Ross breaks off a piece and wants to put it in his mouth.)
Charlton Heston: Hello! Whos in there? (He opens to curtain to reveal a naked and wet Joey.)
Joey: No-no-no, no, no, wait. You see, Im an actor, Joey Tribbiani, Im doing a scene with you today, and well, I stink.
Joey: Yeah-yeah, Im one of the cops that wont work with you cause you a lose cannon. Anyway, look, Im really sorry, but I stink!
Chandler: Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldnt picture myself with any of them. (Sits back in disgust.)
Rachel: Well, are we all together? Like in a group?
Monica: (looking at Chandler sleeping with a balloon in his mouth) So sexy. (Waking him up.) Honey.
Charlton Heston: I dont know one actor worth his salt that didnt say at one time or another, "God, I stink!" Hell, I just did a scene out there, first take, I stunk the place up. But, the important thing you must remember, no matter how badly you think you might stink, you must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shower! Do you understand me?!
Joey: Oh yes I do. Otherwise whats next? Today Im just a guy who cant finish a turkey, but tomorrow Im the guy who eats half a Powerbar, wraps up the rest, and puts in the fridge? No! No, I just I justI gotta change my pants. (Gets up and heads for the door.) Jeans have no give. (Exits.)
Chandler: Where I dont want to have a relationship ever! I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends!!
Ross: Uh, what you said, about us being in a place where we could finally be happy for each other.
Monica: Yknow, I think if I were going to be with a woman. (Chandler is intrigued.) Itd, itd be with someone like Michelle, she was so oh, she was so petite.
Ross: Emily is incredible. I mean there-there are no words to describe it, I mean the whole weekend was like a dream. (Sees Rachel coming back from the bathroom.) Oh! And you! Rach!
Ross: Joshua guy at that club, dancing and having a good time, the thought of it kinda yknow.
Chandler: All right ladies, heres what were gonna do. (Points to a stripper.) You are gonna take off my clothes. (To another two strippers) You two, go get the oils. (To another stripper) And you just constantly scream at the top of your voice, "Chandlers the king! Chandlers the king!"
(Just then, Charlton Heston walks out of his dressing room and starts eating a liquorice whip.)
Chandler: What do you want from me, Ive never met the guy. So anyway, Rachel, Im sorry you cant stay, (Rachel is upset about leaving the orgy with the cigarette guy.) but the rest of us have a lot of work to do. (The cigarette guy starts rubbing Chandlers back.) What are you doing? (The guy just nods) All right, listen, Ive got to wake up!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Rachel: Chandler, theres a guy right over there. (Points to the counter)
Monica: Joey let me ask you a question. What does this light switch do?
Monica: Didnt it drive you crazy to have a switch and not know what it did?
Ross: Well, I tell you what. Why dont we uh, why dont we just stay here? Lets not see a movie, well just hang.
[Scene: A street, Ross and Emily are walking home from a date.]
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
Ross: Oh hey, that was a good one, huh? (Imitating himself) Help! Help!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is getting ready for a fishing trip and Phoebe is asking him about the fishing lures. Ross is playing with the rod, and Monica is pretty much just watching the on goings.]
Monica: Wow! And you got a petticure. Your feet are all dressed up.
Liam: In fact were playing a game at the park tomorrow. Youre welcome to play too if you want.
Janice: Oh, look at us! Who wouldve thought that Cupid had a station at 14th Street Nails. (Does the laugh)
Chandler: (laughs) Okay, we have to talk. Im just getting out of a very serious relationship
Janice: I know! And Im just getting out of a marriage, I mean talk about meant to be!
Chandler: Okay, could you just stop talking for a second? (Thinks) Yemen. Thats right, yes, Im being transferred to Yemen!
Ross: Oh, just hold on a second. Im watching this rugby thing on ESPN. I dont know what the big deal is. Im man enough to play this sport.
Monica: Yeah, well, Im using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. (She flips on the switch and a hum starts.) I hear something! I hear something! Where is it? (They all start looking until Rachel realises its Joey.)
Joey: Ohhhh, good one! And Yemen that actually sounds like a real country.
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
Monica: Okay, is this like 'I have an early class tomorrow' or 'I'm secretly married to a goat?'
Rachel: Oh, well maybe there was a dog lookin at him.
(A player comes over and picks up a ball in front of Phoebe.)
(Ross walks over to the scrum, walks around a bit looking for a way to get into the scrum.)
Joey: Thanks man, but I think it makes a stronger statement if I ask for it myself, y'know.
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
Chandler: What would you give to a kid if he wanted a ticket to play with?
Ticket Counter Attendant: Ah, sir a ticket to Yemen is $2,100 and we dont take library cards.
Chandler: No. All right, yknow what, shes (Points to Janice) gonna think that Im handing you a credit card, but what Im really gonna do is hand you a library card.
Ross: (to Emily) Hey, could you do me a favour? Could you just grab me a bottle of water?
Monica: Its a globe and, a pencil sharpener.
Chandler: Hey, you know what, here's a thought. Why don't you stay home from work today and just hang out with me.
Emily: Yeah? Listen closely, Devon has got a weak ankle.
Ross: No, God no! That is no place for a woman. Those guys will grab anything.
Emily: And uh, Liam, Liams got bad knees. You hit him right and hell go down like a lamp.
Ross: Look, dont worry about me. Okay? Ill just stay real energetic and stay away from the ball. Ill uh, Ill be that guy right out of the circle. (He points to a player who starts running and then gets viscously tackled from behind.)
(Rachel rips off another one, revealing another hole. Rachel then moves onto a third one, but this one doesnt have a hole underneath it.)
(Rachel rips one of the wall and finds a huge hole underneath.)
ROSS: Well, there's this, uh, paleontology conference in L.A. so I figured I'd go and then drive down to the zoo and surprise Marcel.
Chandler: (asking a man leaning against the wall) What is going on?
(Rachel looks at it and then throws it away. She then removes a fourth one, revealing a third hole.)
Monica: Okay, but there is a wire back there! I mean that switch is connected to something!
Ross: Oh no! That-thatll just bring me down! This was great! I mean I-I-I was great! This is a great day! Yknow what? Im buying everyone coffee. All right? If someone would just grab my wallet, its in my pocket.
Phoebe: Now, are you sure you dont want to go see a doctor?
Ross: Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody noseI mean I-Im not proud of it but, I really am. And its all because of you, wonderful, amazing you.
Joey: Uhh, look, your eyes still popping out a little, Im gonna go get some ice.
Chandler: I dont think this town is big enough for both of us to relax in. (He blows on his hand) Draw!! (He quickly pulls the lever to raise the foot rest, like a gunfighter in a Western.)
Ticket Counter Attendant: (on the P.A.) This is the final boarding call for Flight 664 to Yemen.
Emily: And that big bloke with the beard, he has got a trick hip. Yeah. And uh, and David over there, I heard he doesnt wear a cup.
Mrs. Geller: Can we talk to you for just a yknow Its just a little thing. Well we think its absolutely marvelous that youre having this baby out of wedlock, some of our friends are less open-minded. Which is why weve told them all that youre married.
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
Chandler: Just a little bit of sugar.
Monica: Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?
[Cut to the bathroom, Joey is taking a shower and Phoebe knocks on the door.]
Phoebe: (in a nasally voice, from her cold) But I'm unemployed, my music is all I really have now. Well music, and making my own shoes. (She puts her shoe on the table, and it's horribly decorated) Pretty, huh? (Sneezes)
Joey: Oh, wait-wait! (Reaches into the shower again.) Maybe its a pickle?!
Ross: Good! Me neither! So its not a problem. Were just two friends who happen to be roommates.
Chandler: Oh yeah? (He grabs the pad and starts reading it.) Joshua, give me a call sometime, guys like you (Pause) never go out of stylewhat did you throw away?
Rachel: Well, Joshuas coming in tomorrow and since I dont have the guts to ask him out, Im going to sell him a coat and put this note in the pocket.
Joey: Wow! You guys seem to be having a good time.
Joshua: (coming in from a changing room) Okay!
Ross: Oh come on, we just had this huge fight, all right, dont I have to wait a while?
STEPHANIE: Thank you. I'd like to start with a song that I wrote for the first man I ever loved. (singing) Zachary.
Chandler: Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A processing term.
Rachel: Well, thats because of a lot of (She imitates someone picking their nose and placing the treasure found in the pockets.)
Rachel: You need that, you need that too cause obviously, a thief could just tear this up. (Rips up the note.)
ROSS: All righty roo. [closes the door] What a great moment to say that for the first time. [goes to get the cigarettes and glasses]
Rachel: Oops, sorry. Listen, we-we have to have a party tonight! Actually, we have to have one in five minutes, so everybody cancel your plans.
Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when youll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And Im ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, hes got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me Im stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.
Phoebe: Wait, (grabs him) you know what, I got a little story. When I was in Junior High School I went through this period where I thought I was a witch. And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot. He said okay, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?
Emily: No ones ever thrown me a surprise party before!
Rachel: Okay. Okay, we'll be here! Hating you! Did you see how he was sweating when he walked out of there? Listen honey, if I'm hogging the ball too much you just jump right in there and take a couple punches because I'm telling you, this feels great.
Joey: Now thats a thinker.
Rachel: Okay, yknow what, yknow what? This playing hard to get thing is not working. Umm, hand-hand me those cherries. (Chandler does so.) Okay. Okay. (She does a little sexy walk over to where Joshua is standing.) Hi!
Emily: So why did you plan a party at the same time?
[Cut to Joey and Phoebe in the kitchen. Phoebe is watching Joey make a sandwich.]
Mark: Hi. Well, look, I was just gonna leave a message, isnt tonight your, your big anniversary dinner?
Rachel: Care for a cherry?
Joey: A little salami.
Phoebe: Oooh, yeah. Youre a genius.
Rachel: Oh, could somebody give me a hand with this zipper?
Joshua: You okay? (Rachel swallowed it whole and is not hacking like a heavy smoker in the morning.) You all right? (Rachel walks away, coughing.)
Ross: Well ah, Aunt Silvia was, well not a nice person.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Joey and Rachel are there. Rachel is writing something on a pad, and then crumples it up and throws it on the floor.]
Chandler: She was a welder.