words in movies
Joey: I can't believe it. When you guys come back, you're gonna have a baby! That is so weird!
Monica: She's only a couple of months pregnant. She liked our application but who knows if she's gonna like us.
Monica: And a lot could still get in our way.
Chandler: I can develop a condition in which I talk and talk and no one hears a word.
Monica: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby!
Monica: Oh my God, it's gonna WORK! We're gonna make it work! I'm gonna be a mummy and (to Chandler) you're gonna be a daddy! All right, I'll see you suckers. I'm gonna get me... A BABY! {she leaves)
Chandler: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's speaking to a girl.]
Joey: Ok, I may not have treated your friends well in the past, but I have grown up a lot, really. Honest, Rach?
Ross: (he takes a baby blue beret out of a shopping box and puts it on) How does this look?
Rachel: Well, it's a little low... pick up a little... (Ross picks it up) a little bit more... (he picks it up again) a little bit more... (he takes it off) There you go! (pause) Now throw it away!
Rachel: Ross, please, trust me. I buy 30 fashion magazines a month. Now, I don't know who's running for president or who that... NATO guy is, but I do know that you have to get as far away as you can from that hat.
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.]
Agency guy: Please, make yourself comfortable and I will back in a moment with Erica.
Erica: You're kidding me? I mean, it's enough that you are a doctor. But on top of it, you're married to a reverend?
Phoebe: Oh, my friend Sarah had a great time last night.
Joey: Oh, really? You know what your great friend did? We're out to dinner, ok? (he starts talking about the date and we can see what happened through a flashback video) We're getting along, having a really nice time. I was thinking she was really cool. And then, out of nowhere...
(Sarah picks up some fries from Joey’s plate and Joey looks very angry. Then we’re back to Central Perk and Joey does a you-see-what-I-mean look to Phoebe)
Joey: Hey, hey, look! It’s not about a few fries... it’s about what the fries represent.
Phoebe: I’m sorry, I can’t believe I set you up with such a MONSTER!
Joey: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look. I take a girl out, she can order whatever she wants! The more, the better! All right? Just don’t order a Garden salad and then eat my food! That’s a good way to lose some fingers!
Phoebe: Joey and my friend were out last night and having dinner and she reaches over and takes a few of his fries...
Rachel: Oh, yeah. Joey doesn’t share food. I mean, just last week we were having breakfast and he had a couple of grapes on his plate and ...
Phoebe: (to Joey) You wouldn’t let her have a grape?
Joey: (mad and pointing a finger to himself) JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!
Phoebe: Well, I still think that it’s a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her! And if you need to, just get an extra plate of fries for the table!
Joey: (he thinks a little, considering the option and seems to be quite satisfied) I like that! A sharing buffer! Yeah! I’ll order some extra fries! Maybe a plate of onion rings. Yeah. And a shrimp cocktail. And some buffalo wings. Maybe an individual pizza, uh? And some mozzarella sticks. (he looks absorbed in his food thoughts) What were we talking about?
[Scene: A clothes store. Ross and Phoebe are shopping]
(Rachel arrives with a lot of clothes)
Ross: Rach, come on, I’m not gonna wear any of this! (he picks up a shirt) Nothing silver. (Rachel sighs). Ok? Nothing with hair! (Rachel sighs again) And nothing with padlocks on it! (Rachel heaves a long disappointing sigh).
Rachel: Ross, look, I know that some of this stuff is out there, but I mean, come on, look at this, look at this sweater! (she picks up a blue sweater). I mean, this is just beautiful!
Ross: Both logic and math are taking a serious hit today.
Phoebe (walking to Ross carrying a black leather jacket): Hey, check this out! It’s totally you!
Ross: Actually this looks like pretty good! Yeah!(he turns and watches his back and there’s a sign on the back of the jacket, “boys will be boys”) Boys will be boys?
Rachel: No, no, no, no! Ross, wait! Come on! You know, there’s other stuff. Here’s a nice shirt, look at these nice pants...
Rachel: Yes, they will! You know what you should do? Just go take a walk, all right? I know your size and I’m... I’m gonna pick up some really good stuff for you.
Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife’s a reverend, that’s important to you?
Erica: Yeah, I read some great applications, but then I thought “who better then a minister to raise a child!”
Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor!
Monica: It says “Do it!”. And behold she did adopt onto them a baby. And it was good.
Erica: I was wondering you both have such serious jobs. (to Monica) Would you have time to take care of a baby and your flock?
Erica: (to Chandler) Being a doctor must take up a lot of time.
Chandler: Yeah, actually. So, you read a file that you liked and you gave the agency the serial number and they contacted us?
[Scene: Ross walks into Central Perk, wearing a pink and white ladies shirt. Joey is on the couch]
Ross: (to Joey) So? What do you think? (Shows himself - Joey observes him with a strange look on his face.)
Ross: (not getting it) Yeah! Yeah! Rachel picked it out for me. She told me to trust her and you know what? I'm glad I did! I turned quite a few heads on my way over here.
Joey: (now laughing a little) Dude, I really don't think you should be wearing that.
Ross: Oh, I see, somebody is afraid of a little competition with the ladies?
Joey: (looking a little agitated now) Looks like someone IS the ladies!!
Ross: You're just jealous because you couldn't pull this off. Yeah, now if you'll excuse me (getting up and taking his coat) I have a date. (As he is walking out, everyone turns and stares at him) See? (To Joey) ALL eyes on ME!
Chandler: It's wrong. They made a mistake. They think we're somebody else.
Monica: Well, if you think about it, I am kind of like a Reverend. I mean, as a chef, I serve God, by feeing the hungry and poor. (looks very convinced about what she just said)
Monica: I mean, who knows how long it's gonna take for someone else to give us a baby? What if, what if no one ever picks us?
Chandler: Monica, I want a baby too, but this woman is giving away her child. She deserves to know who it's going to. Monica: (realizes Chandler is right. She's almost crying) okay, right. (They hug)
Monica: (sniffing) Maybe she will. Uh! Why couldn't I have been a Reverend?
[Scene: A restaurant. Joey is on his date with Phoebe’s friend, Sarah. They are sitting opposite each other on a table for two. Their waiter approaches with two plates.]
Waiter: A garden salad for the lady (sets the plate down)
Joey: oh, I didn't know you liked French fries. Help yourself! What's mine is yours. (Sarah reaches over and takes a few fries)
(Sarah, is grinning and starts to reach over to Joey's plate to take a few clams)
Sarah: They are delicious (takes a few from the plate, puts one in her mouth and places the rest on her plate, then starts to reach over to Joey's platter again)
(Then she reaches over again and Joey moves his plate a little to the left, and she misses, then she reaches out again, and he moves his plate to the right , so she misses again. She tries a third time and this time, Joey pushes his plate so far to the left, it drops off the edge of the table)
Sarah: Fine, I'm sorry, I didn't think it was that big a deal.
Joey: I'm sorry, I'm overreacting. Okay, It's just when it comes to food, I have certain rules, okay, I mean (bends down and with his plate and his hands, scrapes the dropped dinner back onto the plate and puts it back on the table) There are things you do..and you now, things.. (takes something from the plate and blows it a little) that you don't do (He takes a bite from it).
(Sarah looks a little disgusted)
[Scene: Ross and his date walk into a lobby. They are both wearing their jackets]
Sarah: (laughing) No. If I can't have your clams, you can't have my dessert. This is a two way street.
Joey: Why, just a tiny little...
(He takes a little piece of Sarah's dessert. At first he doesn't think it's that special, but then...)
(Sarah enters the room again, and stops when she sees her dessert is missing. Joey has emptied her plate, and has a chocolate covered mouth, just like a kid.)
Agency guy: So, these are the preliminary forms for an open adoption. There's a lot to go over, but I'll explain everything as we go through it.
Monica: (pointing to a picture on the table) I-Is... Is that a picture?
Erica: Yeah. It's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. I thought you might want to see it. (gives it to Monica, who looks at it for a long time, and then shows it to Chandler)
Chandler: The agency must have made some mistake. My wife is not a reverend and I'm not a doctor.
Monica: Well, we... (makes quotation signs in the air) "bore false witness"... See I could be a reverend.
Erica: I've nothing to say to you. (walks a few paces)
Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.
Chandler: Erica, please. Just consider us. Ask them to see our file. Our last name's Bing. My wife's a chef and I'm in advertising.
Chandler: But you did like us. And you should. My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... It kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... Please?
Ross: Turns out this sweater is made for a woman.
Joey: Yeah, and you know what? We could do a lot worse.
(they shake hands the way friends would. There's a muffin on the table, and Ross breaks off a piece and wants to put it in his mouth.)
Ross: So unbelievable. She was supposed to meet me half an hour ago with Emma. (he tries to take a cookie but Monica slaps his hand)
Rachel: Well, it gets worse. When asked if you take initiative I wrote, "Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision," and under Problems with Performance I wrote, "Dear God, I hope not," and then uh, then I drew a little smiley face, and then a small pornographic sketch.
Ross: Thanks to a little something called "Helvetica Bold 24 point"!
Rachel: Ross, please, this is a hospital, ok? That actually means something here.
Rachel: Well, look, it's hardly snowing anymore. I mean you couldn't ask for a more romantic setting. This could be the simple wedding you've always wanted!
Ross: Rach, I think I'm gonna wait out here, because my throat is feeling a little scratchy, I don't want to infect him.
Rachel: (stopping a nurse who's coming out of a room) Oh, uhm, excuse me, I'm here to see my father. My name is Rachel Green.
Roy, the male stripper: (coughs) Whoo, that's a lot of stairs!
Dr. Green: Ooh, I have a little heart attack.
Phoebe: Noooo! Ok, maybe if we just break it down. Ok, let's try at one syllable at a time. Ok? So repeat after me. "je".
Phoebe: I, I have to go before I put your head through a wall. (she leaves)
Rachel: Yeah, just so weird seeing him like that, you know? I mean he is a doctor, you don't expect doctors to get sick!
Ross: You had a rough day, uh?
Rachel: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Would you stay here with me for a little while?
Erica: Thanks so much for taking me to all those places. I had a great time.
Ross: OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if you're not dating a puma?
Erica: No... he killed his father with a shovel. (Monica and Chandler's jaws drop) But other than that, he's a great guy.
Donny Osmond: Yeah! Welcome, it is Soap Opera week here on Pyramid, let's meet our contestants. First, Gene Lester is a database specialist, he's gonna be playing with "Days of Our Life's" star Joey Tribbiani! (Joey's amazed at the place and he keeps looking around till he realizes the audience is applauding him)
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.)
Ross: (outside her room, talking by himself) Haven't had sex in four months, I should get a medal for that!
Phoebe: Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday and I thought about it a lot and, and I know, I was too impatient. SO lets try it again.
Chandler: Pff, easy for you to say, he's a father killer. He probably loves him mommy. He's probably got a tattoo that says "mom" on his shovel-wielding arm!
Mike: No, no! What I mean is, I hate going back to my apartment now... and partly because I live above a known crack den but... mostly because when I'm there, It's just, I really miss you. So.. do you want to move in together?
[Scene: The hospital. Rachel is pouring her self a cup of coffee. Ross approaches from behind.]
Rachel: Oh! (They enter. Rachel sees his father, lying on a bed, with tubes, drip and everything) Oh! Oh my God! Ohhh, ohhh, wow, that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him was just money down the drain, huh?
Joey: For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!
Ross: Hey Rach, can you grab me a cup of coffee?
Rachel: Hmm-hmm. (starts to pour herself a cup of coffee, never looking at Ross)
Rachel: (She turns around very slowly, looks at him for a second and then turns back to her coffee) Sure. (She gives him the cup she was pouring for herself without looking at him)
Ross: (half amused) Wait, wait, (looks around a little) You're mad at me about last night? I was just trying to do the right thing.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He is sitting on the barcalounger holding a French study book and listening to a French learning tape.]
Ross: I can't believe this. I was just being a good guy. I treated you with respect and understanding.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Umm, could-could I get a copy of that? Cause Carol threw it out, she lost ours. Shes such a scatterbrain, but man what a hot piece of ass.
Rachel: Oh, really, well Ross, you know what? I am a big girl. I don't need someone telling me what is best for me.
Ross: That's right, sex is off the table. (The door starts to open behind him and Dr. Green emerges) I am never having sex with you again. (Rachel stays quiet and after a few moments Ross realizes what has happened. He turns abruptly) Dr. Green, are you feeling better? (Rachel's dad glares at him with a deadly look)
Chandler: Well, thanks a lot for hookin me up Rach. I want you to know that I want you to attend our wedding as my guest.
(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)
Gene: A torch, a bonfire... (Joey seems lost) uhm, your pee...
Rachel: In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex... just do it. (she smiles fakely at him)
Rachel: (after a pause) Not even one more time?
Rachel: It's a shame though, I mean, when we did it, it was pretty good.
Rachel: And also, you know I uh, I was thinking about what you said, you know, about the whole sex thing and... it's probably not a great idea to go down that road again.
(She takes off the coat she was wearing over her wedding dress, which is violet and has a darker shade petticoat underneath which shows at one side where the dress is lifted up to about the height of her hip and connected to the petticoat. She's wearing a veil over her curly hair and a low cut top with straps only just hanging over her shoulders.)
Rachel: You know, when two people have a connection, you know, that's... just seems like such a... waste.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are having a diner party with Phoebe and Mike.]
Phoebe: You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?
Joey: All right, watch me! (he takes a full container of milk from the fridge) Okay, you time me. Ready?
Phoebe: Come on! You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?
Phoebe: It's off the resumé. (she strikes it through with a pencil)
Joey: Would fall off a lot.
(Joey takes the plastic container to his mouth and starts to drink. Most of the milk gushes from the bottle down his chin and over his clothes to the floor. He keeps "drinking" and all of a sudden he lifts it up and half the bottle of milk pours out in an instant. He then continues to drink the rest. He then puts the empty container down on the counter.)
Joey: (even more abashed) A place to eat spaghetti.
Rachel: Ooh, Italian! (she also grabs a plate)
Ross: Oh, well, er, I already ate, but sure...! (they all look at each other when Ross grabs a plate) Guess what happened at work today...
Chandler: A dinosaur died a million years ago?
Rachel: Hey you guys... You're never gonna believe it. This headhunter called me. I have a meeting tomorrow with Gucci. Gucci wants me.
Phoebe: (in a French accent) Uh, excuse me. Uh, I am Reginé Philange. I was passing by when I heard this man speaking the regional dialect of my French town of Estée Lauder.
Mike: Well, hey, at least you're getting a proper wedding. I mean, you really deserve that.
[Scene: A restaurant. Rachel enters.]
Mike: You're a strange kind of grown-up.
Rachel: Hi... I'm on a date...
[Scene: A counter at a government building. Phoebe's waiting in line.]
Phoebe: Oh, this could take a while.
Chandler: That is a bad interview.
Joey: Friends, family, dog... Thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event. The cold has now spread to my special place... so I'm gonna do the short version of this. Phoebe and Mike are perfect for each other. And I know I speak for every one here... when I wish them a lifetime of happiness. Who has the rings?
(Ross enters with a bottle in his hand)
Rachel: Well, my boss was at the same restaurant where I was having my interview and he heard everything. So later he calls me to his office and he tells me that he's gonna have to let me go, because I'm not a team player. And I said "Wait a minute! Yes I am." and I had to sit there for 45 minutes while he proved that that in fact... was true.
Ross: But also knowing it means a lot.
Rachel: Oh it... good! Yeah, but I'm not gonna hear from that for a couple of days.
JOEY: Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.
Ross: Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five is good. (Gunther leaves, hurt) Well, I'm gonna have a loogie in my coffee tomorrow.
Joey: Okay. Then I guess I have dry eyes and a scratchy throat for no reason.
Monica: Maybe because it's you hung your head out of the window like a dog the whole ride here.
Rachel: Wha... My resumé? I wouldn't... I wouldn't call my online dating profile a resumé.
Joey: (squinting his eyes) Are you kiddin'? I think I just saw a bat in the corner!
Charlie: Benji isn't in love with me. I mean, he broke up with me. And besides, he's a very ethical man.
Joey: Maybe. So this is the living room huh? Ooh, it's pretty dark. (starts feeling around him like he's in a completely dark room, touching Chandler, who backs out and hits him)
Chandler: When your head was hanging out the window, it didn't hit a mailbox, did it?
Ross: By using CT scans and computer imaging we can in a very real way, bring the Mesozoic era into the 21st century.
Monica: Oh Joey, look, we know you're having a hard time with this, but we really, we love it here.
Mike: Yeah, I'm serious. (sarcastic) It's fun, it's different and no-one else has a name like that!
(A young girl enters)
Benjamin: Certainly. Dr. Geller, which 1965 Shirelles hit was later covered by a popular British invasion band?
Phoebe: Why? It's fun, it's different, no-one else has a name like it.
Joey: I hate my friends. (They shake on it as if they just made a pact) Alright, look. There's gotta be a way that we can stop this from happening.
Joey: (frustrated) Ahh! There's gotta be a way. I mean, you know, if Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike. That just leaves me and Ross and Rach, you know what I mean?
Mackenzie: I read a lot.
[Scene: Outside Ralph Lauren building. Rachel just walked out carrying a box of her stuff, and a strange man approaches her.]
(In the meantime, Ross is trying to squeeze and push a rather large chair through the revolving doors of the Ralph Lauren building.)
Mark: Yeah, a box full of your desk stuff doesn't exactly say big promotion.
Rachel: What? You don't want me to get a job?
Joey: (acting sad) NO! I waited a long time, I can't wait anymore... (and closes the door behind him)
Rachel: Ross, you know what? (looks over to the door and sees security staring at them) Okay, let's talk about it later, there comes security. (Takes her box and leaves. Ross follows her and then returns for the chair. He stands for a moment, then pushes it quickly in the general direction Rachel went into, and out of the camera's view, and then nonchalantly walks away)
Joey: Oh well, the little girl who lives here made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.
Chandler: Joey, there was a little girl who lived here, but she died like 30 years ago.
Chandler: (peeping) Everything is so distorted! Looks like Joey has a giant hand! Which says "Rangers" on it. They went to the game!
Chandler: You don't think we'd buy a house and not have a Joey room do you?
(a woman enters and recognizes Phoebe)
Phoebe: (without moving her lips, wearing a fake smile) Okay, I will. (to Rita) This is my husband Crap Bag.
Mike: Do you even know what a banana hammock is?