words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]
Phoebe: So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.
Rachel: Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? (They all protest and hit her with cushions) Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's?
Rachel: (Into microphone) Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh!
I made a man with eyes of coal And a smile so bewitchin', How was I supposed to know That my mom was dead in the kitchen? (shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la...
...My mother's ashes Even her eyelashes Are resting in a little yellow jar, And sometimes when it's breezy...
(Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two scientists, Max and David, having a noisy discussion)
...I feel a little sneezy And now I- (abruptly stops)
Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! (They stop talking and look up) Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group?
David: (Stands up and speaks more loudly) Sorry, I wa- I was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my- in my life. And then he said that- you said you thought
David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a
David: -hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling. (Sits down)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is decorating for Christmas.]
Phoebe: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?
Phoebe: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions...
Chandler: I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped.
Joey: Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle)
Ross: I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he- he threw some faeces...
Ross: Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like doing it as a favour to me.
[Scene: Max and David's lab, David is explaining something to Phoebe with the aid of a whiteboard.]
David: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you.
David: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kiss had to be, and now we've reached a place where it's just gotta be one of those things where I just like... sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm not really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just do it, just sweep and throw me.
David: Okay, okay, okay. (Gets ready to sweep, and then picks up a laptop computer) Y'know what, this was just really expensive. (Puts it down elsewhere. Then picks up a microscope) And I'll take- this was a gift. (Moves it)
David: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. (Sweeps the remaining papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop?
Monica: I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody, and Phoebe has somebody- I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby.
Rachel: (Glances at Joey and then sips his coffee) There. Now there is.
Joey: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to do?
Rachel: Oh, c'mon. We'll have, we'll have a big party, and no-one'll know who's with who.
Chandler: Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up socks... and a melon...
[Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on the door]
Max: Tell her, David. 'I don't wanna go to Minsk and work with Lifson and Yamaguchi and Flench, on nonononononono. I wanna stay here and make out with my girlfriend!!' (Storms out)
(He thinks for a moment and sweeps the stuff off the table)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the party has started.]
Joey: Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! (She enters, followed by a young boy and a younger girl)...You brought your kids.
(Joey and Monica look at each other and shrug. Ross enters with Marcel on his shoulder)
Ross: Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened...
Ross: Thank you. (She walks off) C'mon, Marcel, whaddya say you and I do a little mingling? (Marcel runs off) Alright, I'll, uh... catch up with you later.
(The door opens. Rachel is standing there. Her coat is muddy and torn, her hair is dishevelled and her face is bruised. Everyone turns to look)
Phoebe: And then... your face is bloated?
Rachel: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are people eating my dip?
[Time lapse. Monica and Rachel, fixed up somewhat, emerge from a bedroom]
(They almost kiss and then Joey realises her kids are staring at them)
Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. (Hands him a camera and he starts snapping) Smile! You're on Janice Camera!
Janice: (Ross is still taking their photo) Oh, I'm gonna blow this one up, and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter.
David: Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break up with you, and I can't break up with you.
Phoebe: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.
Phoebe: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around me. And then you put your arms around me. (He does so) And, um, and then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me.
Phoebe: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy.
Chandler: (To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the peacock bit me. (Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight. (She leaves)
Chandler: And the moment of joy is upon us.
(Bobby waves and then bursts into tears. Midnight comes and everyone at the party except for the gang cheers and kisses)
Chandler: Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out here. I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here. (Makes kiss noise)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse.]
Ross: (Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Mrs. Green is telling Ross what needs to be done to baby proof his apartment.]
(She don't got it as the couch slips out of their grips and falls over the bottom railing.)
Ray: Yeah all thats gone. Its basically just a simple question and answer game now.
Phoebe: (running up) Okay. Okay, heres what were gonna do. Okay, Im gonna break into this mini-van and put it in neutral. You guys push it forward so Ross can drive out of his spot. Okay? All right, here we go. (She opens her coat and reveals that thing car thieves use to break into cars as Ross jumps in behind the wheel. She inserts the device, unlocks the door, opens it, and the alarm goes off.) Haul ass!!!! (Runs off.)
Mrs. Green: and all those dinosaur nick-knacks you have Ross, I thought they might be more at home in the garage.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are hauling out the porcelain dog from Joey's room. Chandler is holding the dog by the rear in a rather interesting position.]
Ross: Oh. (Rachel and he start to stand up.)
Monica: So whenever youre ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day! (Monica and Phoebe reenter the apartment and Monica closes the door on a stunned Mrs. Green.) I cant feel my legs!
Monica: All right, well why dont I go out with an ex-boyfriend and do Joey a favor?!
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is helping Rachel study for when the baby comes.]
Monica: Okay. (When Phoebe turns around Monica runs out into the hall after Mrs. Green.) Mrs. Green! Okay Im really sorry!! Im apologizing for the(She trips and falls down the stairs.) (Pause) Okay, I bit my tongue, but Im still really sorry!
Rachel: Yes, Ive done my studying and I really know my stuff.
Rachel: Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.
Rachel: Hey you guys, this is my sister Amy. This is Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and you know Mon.
Roy: Ok, ok, ladies! Can I have your attention, please? (pause) Did someone call for the long arm of the law? (He extends his arm from around his crotch and then upward and outward, towards Phoebe) I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon! (Puts his hands over his crotch) I hope you're familiar with the States penal code, ok, ok, enough teasing. Now for some pleasing!
Joey: Man, this is bad! And Ive had my share of bad reviews. I still remember my first good one though. (Quoting) "Everything else in this production of Our Town was simply terrible. Joey Tribbiani was abysmal."
Ross: No, Monicas restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. (They all gasp.) I didnt want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. (He hands the paper to Phoebe and they all read it.)
Joey: Yeah! Yeah Monica! You listen to me, okay? And Im not just saying this because Im your friend, Im sayin it cause its the truth. Youre food is abysmal!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is cooking as Chandler looks on.
Rachel: Umm, our situation. Yknow umm, what we mean to each other. And I mean we-were having this baby together, and we live together. Isnt that, isnt that weird?
Chandler: (gloatingly and holding his piece) Ohhh!
[Scene: The Baby Furniture Store, Ross and Rachel are checking out.]
<Joey turns away and Chandler reassuringly pats him on the back>
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.
LIPSON: Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws wear hats. Well it's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died.
Cashier: Do you uh, want these things delivered Mr. and Mrs. Geller?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
<they hug and kiss on check>
Rachel: Oh my God! Im standing at a cash register, holding a credit card, and Im bored.
Rachel: Well, we were paying for our stuff and this saleswoman just started flirting with him.
Rachel: Oh, it was great! We got everything that we needed! Oh and Ross, almost got something that wasnt on the list. A whore.
Ross: That bitch! (He gets up and they go over to ambush Frannie. Monica taps on Frannies shoulder.)
Joey: Yeah! And also, a little like a French guy. (They both squint at each other.) I never noticed that before.
Rachel: Chandler, Im not gonna lie to ya, but I am gonna run away from you. (Gets up and hurries out.)
Chandler: No, no I just ah, didnt do them. Instead, I ah, hung out with a couple of friends and had a couple of beers so I certainly dont deserve any praise, verbal or otherwise.
[Scene: The New School, Monica, carrying her dish, and Joey are confronting the food critic.]
Monica: Spoon? (Hands him one and he tastes it.) So, what do you think?
Ross: Hello! Can I get you anything? Huh? Lens cleaner? Your battery okay? (Rachel bursts in carrying two boxes and Ross jumps up.) Rachel!
Phoebe: Ugh, its so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could(Groans, hacks, and then freezes with her eyes open and her tongue hanging out.)
The Cooking Teacher: Welcome to introduction to cooking. Now, before we start, can anyone tell me the difference between a hollandaise sauce and a bearnaise sauce? (No one can.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are unpacking and setting up their new purchases.]
Phoebe: Oh, hey, Mon, do you still have your like old blouses and dresses from high school?
Katie: Well, the delivery went out to you and I realized they forgot this. (A blanket.)
Ross: Oh. (Reaches into his pocket for some money as Rachel enters the living room and watches holding two stuffed dinosaurs.)
Rachel: Oh come(Stutters)Of course I know that. I mean of course you never leave a baby alone! I mean who wouldshe wouldnt be safe as she would be with me, the baby dummy. Oh God, okay. Yknow what? I think opening the presents right now is a little overwhelming right now. So I think umm, Im just gonna maybe open them a little bit later, but thank you all for coming. And for these beautiful gifts, and this basket is beautiful.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Phoebe are entering.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, continued from before.]
Monica: Ok people, we are back in business! (Gets her headset out of her purse) Oh God, we've missed you soo much! (takes all the notes from Phoebe) Ok, go and get your hair and make-up done, and I'll take care of everything.
Rachel: Oh and it was great to see you too. And you look fantastic, although you missed a button.
The Cooking Teacher: And the cream?
Phoebe: Oh! Its okay, you calm down after a while and then people can see how really sweet and wonderful you really are.
Phoebe: Um-hmm, thats good to know. But lets stop focusing on what you dont do, and start focusing on what you do do.
The Cooking Teacher: (tasting the cookie and with her mouthful) Oh, yum-yum-yum. (Hands the star back.)
Amy with confused look on face: Yeah I.. I think so. <sticks her hand out to shake hands with Phoebe and says to her> It's nice to meet you Emma.
Monica: Im-Im sorry, its just that umm Well I-I cook at this restaurant, Alessandros, and umm I just got a really bad review
Phoebe shakes her hand and says: Phoe-Be.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is returning from his date.]
<Monica and Amy turn away and walk into the living room towards the secret closet>
Rachel: No, not really. Youre pressing the baby into my bladder and now I have to pee. Sorry. (She gets up and starts for the bathroom.)
(They both laugh. Ross sits down, but Rachel doesnt move and is lost in thought.)
[Scene: The New School, Joey and Monica are walking down a hallway.]
The Acting Teacher: All right, lets start with some basics. Can anybody tell me what the difference between upstage and downstage is?
Joey: I thought I did! Oh hey guess what? The premiere is next week and youre all invited! (They all gasp.)
Rachel: Thats right, still no baby! (To Monica, Joey, and Chandler on the couch) Come on people! Please make some room!
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse, and Rachel is entering still pregnant.]
Ross: Of course! Uh yeah, she and I would talk all the time in-in (Rachel pokes her head in and starts to look around) the laundry room. (Pushes Rachel out of the way.)
Chandler: Lets. (Everyone gets up and leaves Rachel.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are there as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Well thats gross, why dont you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?
Rachel: (interrupting her) Oh Phoebe, thats a great story. Can you tell it to me when youre getting me some iced tea? (Phoebe gets up and Rachel groans.) (To the baby) Oh God, get out! Get out!! Get out!! Get out!!
(Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.)
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! Great news, I was able to get you and one guest tickets to your premiere.
Rachel: Do you want me to come over there and sit on you? Cause Ill do it.
Joey: (to Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe) Did you hear that? I only get one extra ticket to my premiere. So some how I have to pick between you three and Ross.
Chandler: No-no-no! I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me.
Phoebe: Joey, you pick who ever you want. Okay? You just listen to your heart. What does it tell you? (Mimicking a heartbeat and tapping her chest.) Phoebe, Phoebe.
MONICA: Alright, I've got a leg, three breasts and a wing.
(They look at each other and smile for a while.)
Phoebe: Fine! Ill call Zurich and move some money around.
Phoebe: When she comes out, you hold her nose, Ill blow in her mouth, and the kid will just (makes a popping sound) right out of her.
Joey: Do you mind crouching down a little bit, so that I look taller? (Chandler does so) There you go. (And they walk down the red carpet.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is entering, still pregnant.]
Emily: I left a bra drying on the shower rod, you dont think your son will think its yours and be horribly traumatised?
[Scene: Dr. Longs Office, Ross and Rachel are waiting for the doctor. Ross is drumming his fingers on the bed.]
Ross: Well uh, yknow what? Even if she doesnt know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didnt live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.
Rachel: What?! You mean theyre not coming to a social event where theres no men and theres no booze?! Thats shocking! I dont care, as long as my moms here.
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay, this is it. Its my big fight scene coming up. (He looks over and Chandler and notices that hes asleep.)
Chandler: Not to shabby, I got this all off myself using my wifes tools. (He takes the door off the frame and we finally get to see whats behind the green door! It is stacked, floor to ceiling, with junk.) Oh my God!
Dr. Long: taking a long walk, and then theres the one thats proved most effective: sex.
(Rachel turns and looks at Ross.)
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, the movie is ending and it takes the applause to wake up Chandler.]
Rachel: Thank you. (He leaves and she proceeds to plant the folder in his bottom drawer. She then picks up the phone and holds it to her breasts.) Hello? (Hangs up the phone.) I still dont get it.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Rachel are there as Phoebe and Monica enter.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is there as Joey enters.]
(Rachel turns her head to Ross and Phoebe and mouths, "No way.")
Monica: Okay fine! I keep betting Phoebe that youre gonna have the baby and I dont want to lose again!
Joey: Okay, so thats another five hundred. Five hundred and five hundred, thats (Pauses to figure it out.)
Phoebe: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village..
Bitter lady: (now yelling) Well, you're not gonna get one! Because in life there are no intermissions, people. Chapter 7: Divorce is a 4 letter word. (Now standing right in front of Chandler and bending down almost to his level as if speaking to him, yelling even louder) How could he leave me?!?!
The A.D: Yeah, we loves em. Ive never seen him with(He gets a whiff of Joey and starts smelling around.)