words in movies
Written by: Doty Abrams Produced by: Wendy Knoller Transcribed by: Coffee Mug, Eleonora, Sebastiano & Vanessa Flashback clips transcribed by: Guineapig, Dan Silverstein, Ruth Curran, Eric Aasen and Mindy Mattingly Phillips, and compiled by Eleonora. Final check by Kim
[Scene: Central Perk. Everybody's sitting on the couch and Monica is eating a chunk of cake.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel and Phoebe are looking at some photos and they're sitting next to the window.]
Phoebe: Oh, hi Chandler. It's Phoebe. Uhm... I know that Monica is working today so...(back to Central Perk) ...I was wondering if you want to come to the movies with me and Rachel.
Phoebe: Ok. Quick. We gotta find a cab and follow them.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, ok. Let me just grab my night vision goggles and my stun gun.
Monica: Hey! You smell like perfume and cigarettes.
Monica: Isn’t it? Then what about the amazing wainscotting and the crown molding and the dormer windows in the attic?
Chandler: And the wiggle wharms and the zip zorps? (pause) What were the things you said?
Chandler: And the fireplace in the bedroom.
Monica: And Nancy said that it's really under price, because the guy lost his job and has to move in with his parents!
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Everybody except Monica and Chandler is there.]
Rachel: I’m telling you guys, we followed them out to a house in Westchester, the went in for like forty-five minutes and then they came out looking pretty happy!
Ross: I know, and with the baby coming?
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Monica is cleaning with a vacuum and then she cleans it with a dust buster. The guys enter the room.]
Phoebe: Well, look, whatever happens, we’re here for you and we love you.
Rachel: Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today outside on the street and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.
(they all look confused and sorry for her)
Joey: (walking towards her to hold her and support her) Monica, you understand what we are saying, right?
Monica: (goes to Chandler) Phoebe and Rachel saw you with Nancy today and... em... they think you're having an affair.
Chandler: Yeah (motions them to sit and they do) I'm not having an affair. Nancy is our realtor.
Monica: When we found out that we're gonna get this baby, Chandler and I started talking and we decided that we didn't want to raise a kid in the city.
Monica: And that's great for you guys, but we want a lawn and a swingset...
Chandler: ...and a street where our kids can ride their bikes and maybe an ice-cream truck can go by.
Ross: (to Joey) It's ok, because they have to get it out of their system, okay (back to Mon and Chan), but you're going to realize, this is the only place, you wanna be.
(pause before Monica and Chandler speak, they look like they are looking for the right words)
Monica: And about an hour ago, we made an offer.
(All the friends looked shocked and confused. There is a long silence.)
Monica: (smiling) It's so sweet. It really is. It has this big yard that leads down to this stream and then there's these old maple trees... (gets cut off)
Chandler: I know this is really hard and we're really sorry.
Joey: Is this because I come over here without knocking and eat your food? (Walks towards the fridge) Because I can stop doing that, (looks at the fridge) I really, really think I can!
Chandler: (goes towards Joey) You know that's not the reason Joe. (Joey hugs him and after, he takes something from the fridge and puts it in his mouth. He goes back to where he was standing before)
Monica: We think if you saw it, you'd understand. I mean you guys were there. (Points to Rachel and Phoebe) It is beautiful, isn't it?
Rachel: (talking on the phone) C'mon Daddy, listen to me! All of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying that I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
(Rachel sticks a marshmallow into Monica’s nose. Monica takes it out of her nose by closing one nostril, and blowing.)
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. You know, what was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window)
(Ross spots Chandler and starts chasing him around the kitchen table. Chandler runs and hides behind Monica.)
Chandler: Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica.
Ross: (To Chandler) I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this!
Ross: (happily) My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this. (He hugs them both.)
Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.
Monica and Rachel: What?!
Phoebe: You’re just so mean to each other! And I don’t want to end up like that with Rachel. I still like you!
Monica: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Y’know, I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but y’know Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate. She gets tons of catalogs and umm, she’ll fold down the pages of the things she thinks that I’d like.
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
(Monica closes the door and slowly walks into Rachel’s old and now empty room.)
Chandler: No problem roomie. (She turns around and hugs him.)
Chandler: Little toast here. I know this isn't exactly the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
Rachel: And a crappy New Year.
[Scene: We're back to the present. Chandler and Monica's. They're all still at the kitchen table.]
Ross: You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment, I look over here and you guys... are just having dinner or... watching TV or something, but... it makes me feel better. And now when I look over, who am I gonna see? The Gottliebs, the Yangs? They don't make me feel so good. (Joey pats Ross on his back)
Rachel: Yeah. So don't move, okay? Just stay here and... (nods towards Ross) maybe close your blinds at night.
(The phone rings and Chandler goes to get it)
Monica: And?
(Chandler and Monica hug)
Ross: Love you guys. (he kisses Monica, he, Rachel and Phoebe leave.)
Joey: And about this Nancy thing... If you're not sleeping with her, should I?
(Chandler gives Joey her business card, which he eagerly grabs and he leaves.)
Monica: And a baby...
[Scene: Central Perk. The entire gang is there, and Chandler and Monica are handing out presents.]
(they both run off, leaving Ross, Phoebe and Rachel stunned.)
Ross: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."
Monica: Yes there is! He's black and white and shaggy and [Cut to Monicas apartment] he's sitting next to Rachel and licking Rachel's hand.
Chandler: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?
Emily: And that big bloke with the beard, he has got a trick hip. Yeah. And uh, and David over there, I heard he doesnt wear a cup.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on her dinner date with Joshua.]
Rachel: (sees the chick and the duck) Oh, yeah, Im sorry. They used to live here; sometimes they migrate back over.
(Rachel gets up and ushers them into the hall, as they pass Joshua, he leaps onto the counter to avoid them. Rachel drops them off in the hall, and knocks on Joeys door.)
Joshua: Yeah, its-its my only weird thing, I swear. And I-I-I wouldve told you about it, but I didnt know they would be here.
Elizabeth: Why dont you get in the hot tub and Ill meet you there.
Pete: Im fine! Id fight tonight, if theyd let me. (stands up and starts swinging his arms) See this circle Im marking off here? This is my zone of terror.
Joshua: Yeah-yeah, its this huge place, and-and its got this gorgeous view of the park, and very, very romantic. What do you say?
Alice: Dont get me started. (To Phoebe) Anyway, umm, since there are three babies and umm, we both got to put our names in, we would be truly honoured if you named the other boy baby.
Rachel: Okay, yknow, would you feel better if we went someplace else? I mean we could pack all this stuff up and yknow go to your apartment.
(An 80's Rachel and fat Monica walk into the party room. Both with funny hair-do's and clothes)
Ross: Yknow, the kind of fun, you and Susan had when we were married.
Chandler: And the other ah, Dutch people, they come on from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?
Joshua: and even though none of the other kids believed me, I swear to God, that duck pushed me!
[Scene: Joshuas parents apartment, Rachel and Joshua are entering.]
Mrs. Bing: Now Chandler dear, just because your father and I are getting a divorce it doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he would rather sleep with the house-boy than me.
Joshua: Hey, heres an idea. Why dont uh, I put the food in the fridge and we can eat it later?
Joshua: Oh yeah, yeah uh, its down the hall and uh, second door to your left.
Mr. Burgin: Well just grab some food and take it with us right upstairs, and well be right out of you hair.
Ross: Well, I asked him if he wanted to eat, he said, "No." I asked him if he wanted to sleep, he said, "No." I asked him what he wanted to do, he said, "No." So, hes sweeping. (We see Ben playing with a broom and a dustpan.)
Rachel: Ohh! Its so nice to meet you. (She goes over and shakes their hands.) Hello.
Mr. Burgin: Youll wear that. Well be eating, and of course, youll be wearing that.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is telling Phoebe and Monica of her date.]
Rachel: Oh, yeah. And uh, the best part though, when the uh, waiter spilled water down my back, I jumped up, and my boob popped out.
Rachel: The logic is, that there are two of us and we are both strong enough to break a chair in half!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: Shes totally right! When we were together, you got all freaked out about Mark and there was nothing going on.
Phoebe: Ooh, uh (She grabs her coat and runs out.)
Rachel: Okay, but Ross, eventually you and I are gonna be dating.
[Scene: Phoebes Herbal Guys office, Ross is there about his thing. Ross is looking around the exam room, and he goes over to a large bank of drawers, pulls one out and almost spills it as the herbalist, Guru Saj, enters.]
Phoebe: Yayohyay! Okay, I gotta go tell Frank and Alice! Right now!
(They both run and hug theyre respective partners.)
(Susan and Emily get off.)
(She exits, and after the door is closed, Chandler turns to Joey and )
Rachel: What do you get? (She throws her pom-poms to Joey and Phoebe and performs a cartwheel.) Emily!! (Tries to do another one.) EmilWhoa!! (She falls in Chandlers room.) Okay! So thats me as a cheerleader! Ta-dum! (Gunthers the only one that claps.)
Ross: (To Carol) No tongue. (And gives her the thumbs up.)
(Rachel slams shut her window and storms into the living room, where Joey and Monica are eating breakfast.)
[Scene: Rosss bedroom; Ross and Emily are making out. Ross as a new feature.]
(Chandler comes back, obviously drunk, and trips over the steps.)
Ross: Oh no. Dont, dont, dont start packing. Come on! (She puts some clothes into her bag, and Ross throws them out.)
Phoebe: Oh, yeah! You like em? I just, I went to a used clothes store and got a bunch of maternity stuff. These are sooo comfortable!
(They hug and give each other a little peck on the cheek.)
JOEY: And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth.
Chandler: No. But uh, Joey has, and I usually talk to them in the morning time.
(An old West style showdown starts with Joey and the Hombre Man staring each other down as the store guy slowly lets in the first customer while Joey and the Hombre Man get ready to draw. In slow motion they spot the customer, eye each other, draw, and as the customer walks into the middle Joey's bottle misfires but the Hombre Man spays it into the customer's eyes.)
Ross: I like it, and Emily likes it, and thats what counts. So uh, how are you guys doing?
Joey: Oh-no, dont try and talk all normal with that thing in your ear.
[Ad break. Time lapse. Still at party at Chandler and Joey's. Rachel is talking to Chandler and Ross.]
Rachel: All right, okay, look, what if you could keep the apartment and get the tickets?
Chandler: And the Knicks rule all.
Rachel: Oh, okay, well, I think we should let Phoebe decide, because shes the only whos impartial, and shes so pretty.
(Joey turns and is angry that Chandler didnt come up with the answer.)
(Both Joey and Chandler and Monica and Rachel jump up and down for joy.)
Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, theyre both unpacked. The big ceramic dog has found a new home in front of the window. Joey screams and runs into the living room.]
Joshua: Its this way? Sorry. (He walks past her and she again admires his butt.)
Ross: No! No! Im not! Its-its-its perfect! I mean its better than you just-just moving here, cause its us together forever, and thats-thats what I want.
Monica: Then you two can, can sneak into the cockpit, and things will start to heat up, and then a stewardess comes in (Ross looks at her.) Ive been watching too much porn.
(They kiss and hug.)
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Phoebe is entering.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, thats very nice. Plus, yknow they were free and theyre too small.
[Scene: The hallway, Joey and Chandler are coming back from the game.]
Joey: Hey, want a beer? (Hands him a beer and sits down in one of the chairs.) (Jumping up.) WHOA!!!!
Chandler: I dont care, this is our apartment! And they stoleyou stole itour apartment, and we won that apartment fair and square, twice! And I am getting it back right now. Im getting back right now!
Rachel: Let us keep the apartment and
Monica: As a thank you, Rachel and I will kiss for one minute.
Ross: Uhh, okay, its uh, Emily and I, we decided to uh, to get married.
Billy: Thomas, this is gonna be hard, but I wanted it to come from me, and nobody else.
Chandler: Well, youre gonna have to leave sometime, because you both have jobs, and as soon as you do, were switching it back! Theres nothing you can do to stop us! Right, Joe?
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, he is asleep and snoring loudly. Chandler enters wondering who left their engine running.]
Joey: All right, all right, all right. (Starts to leave, stops, and turns around) I mean Ill have to check with him first, but Ill think hell be cool with it. (Monica shoos him out.)
Joey: Yeah, they do! Quit being a baby and leave me alone! There, youve just had your first class!
Monica: Yknow I used to go out with this guy that was a really light sleeper, and whenever I started to snore, he would just roll me over
Dr. Rhodes: Wait a minute, hold it. (He goes to the door and opens it.) Johnson! Will you come in here a moment?
Ross: Youre great. And I-I know someday this will happen for you too. You just hang in there.
Ross: So listen uh, I know you and I havent really had a chance to talk since uh, Emily and I decided to get married, and uh, I was just wondering how you were.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is not doing the dishes. She hears someone coming up the stairs and quickly puts down her magazine and pretends like shes actually doing the dishes.]
Rachel: I mean maybe you didnt hear about a serious relationship called me and Joshua?
Rachel: You are right there with Emily. And its yknow, its kinda like . its a tie! Well, I gotta get, I gotta get back to the dishes.
The Saleslady: Yes! I have it right here. (Phoebe and Monica both gasp at the dress.) Would you like to try it on Ms. Waltham?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is doing the dishes.]
The Saleslady: And could I get my ring back?
[Scene: Joey's audition, the director has returned and wants to see the combination.]
Phoebe: Nuh-uh! Theyre maternity pants. They even came with a list of baby names. (Pulls out a sheet of paper which lists whos been naughty and whos been nice.) See, these names are good, and these names are bad. (Finally, she figures it out.) Ohh.
(She disgustedly takes the ring off and gives it back.)
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, hes snoring again and Chandler is there to roll him over.]
Monica: Does she use the cups? Yes! I believe she does. Does she use the plates? Yes! I believe she does. (Looks at the wedding dress and stops.)
(She goes over and lets Phoebe bounce in wearing her own wedding dress.)
Chandler: Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think thats, I think thats really cool.
Rachel: Handling it? What do you mean, handling it? Theres nothing to handle. Now, maybe I would have a problem with this if it wasnt for me and Joshua. Yknow, theyre not gonna get married anyway!
Chandler: Because weddings are a great place to meet women, and when I dance, I look like this (Starts to dancing really, really, really badly. Ross enters behind him and he stops.)
JOEY: Well then tell me things like, 'Joey you'll be fine,' and, 'Hang in there,' and, and, 'Somethin' big's fonna come along, I know it.'
Joey and Chandler: What?!
Ross: Great! Because Emily and I are getting married in a month!
Rachel: Ohh, nothing, I just wanted to see you. See you and hug you. (Hugs him) See you.
Joshua: Wow! Uhh, Rachel uhh, youre a real special lady, but my divorce isnt final yet and, and, and weve been on four days, so Im thinking "No, but thanks."
Sleep Clinic Worker: Um-hmm, and did you stay up all night in preparation for your sleep study. (Joey doesnt answer) Uh, sir? (Joey starts snoring)