words in movies
Written by: Doty Abrams Produced by: Wendy Knoller Transcribed by: Coffee Mug, Eleonora, Sebastiano & Vanessa Flashback clips transcribed by: Guineapig, Dan Silverstein, Ruth Curran, Eric Aasen and Mindy Mattingly Phillips, and compiled by Eleonora. Final check by Kim
[Scene: Central Perk. Everybody's sitting on the couch and Monica is eating a chunk of cake.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel and Phoebe are looking at some photos and they're sitting next to the window.]
Phoebe: Oh, hi Chandler. It's Phoebe. Uhm... I know that Monica is working today so...(back to Central Perk) ...I was wondering if you want to come to the movies with me and Rachel.
Phoebe: Ok. Quick. We gotta find a cab and follow them.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, ok. Let me just grab my night vision goggles and my stun gun.
Monica: Hey! You smell like perfume and cigarettes.
Monica: Isn’t it? Then what about the amazing wainscotting and the crown molding and the dormer windows in the attic?
Chandler: And the wiggle wharms and the zip zorps? (pause) What were the things you said?
Chandler: And the fireplace in the bedroom.
Monica: And Nancy said that it's really under price, because the guy lost his job and has to move in with his parents!
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Everybody except Monica and Chandler is there.]
Rachel: I’m telling you guys, we followed them out to a house in Westchester, the went in for like forty-five minutes and then they came out looking pretty happy!
Ross: I know, and with the baby coming?
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Monica is cleaning with a vacuum and then she cleans it with a dust buster. The guys enter the room.]
Phoebe: Well, look, whatever happens, we’re here for you and we love you.
Rachel: Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today outside on the street and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.
(they all look confused and sorry for her)
Joey: (walking towards her to hold her and support her) Monica, you understand what we are saying, right?
Monica: (goes to Chandler) Phoebe and Rachel saw you with Nancy today and... em... they think you're having an affair.
Chandler: Yeah (motions them to sit and they do) I'm not having an affair. Nancy is our realtor.
Monica: When we found out that we're gonna get this baby, Chandler and I started talking and we decided that we didn't want to raise a kid in the city.
Monica: And that's great for you guys, but we want a lawn and a swingset...
Chandler: ...and a street where our kids can ride their bikes and maybe an ice-cream truck can go by.
Ross: (to Joey) It's ok, because they have to get it out of their system, okay (back to Mon and Chan), but you're going to realize, this is the only place, you wanna be.
(pause before Monica and Chandler speak, they look like they are looking for the right words)
Monica: And about an hour ago, we made an offer.
(All the friends looked shocked and confused. There is a long silence.)
Monica: (smiling) It's so sweet. It really is. It has this big yard that leads down to this stream and then there's these old maple trees... (gets cut off)
Chandler: I know this is really hard and we're really sorry.
Joey: Is this because I come over here without knocking and eat your food? (Walks towards the fridge) Because I can stop doing that, (looks at the fridge) I really, really think I can!
Chandler: (goes towards Joey) You know that's not the reason Joe. (Joey hugs him and after, he takes something from the fridge and puts it in his mouth. He goes back to where he was standing before)
Monica: We think if you saw it, you'd understand. I mean you guys were there. (Points to Rachel and Phoebe) It is beautiful, isn't it?
Rachel: (talking on the phone) C'mon Daddy, listen to me! All of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying that I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
(Rachel sticks a marshmallow into Monica’s nose. Monica takes it out of her nose by closing one nostril, and blowing.)
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. You know, what was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window)
(Ross spots Chandler and starts chasing him around the kitchen table. Chandler runs and hides behind Monica.)
Chandler: Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica.
Ross: (To Chandler) I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this!
Ross: (happily) My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this. (He hugs them both.)
Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.
Monica and Rachel: What?!
Phoebe: You’re just so mean to each other! And I don’t want to end up like that with Rachel. I still like you!
Monica: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Y’know, I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but y’know Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate. She gets tons of catalogs and umm, she’ll fold down the pages of the things she thinks that I’d like.
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
(Monica closes the door and slowly walks into Rachel’s old and now empty room.)
Chandler: No problem roomie. (She turns around and hugs him.)
Chandler: Little toast here. I know this isn't exactly the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
Rachel: And a crappy New Year.
[Scene: We're back to the present. Chandler and Monica's. They're all still at the kitchen table.]
Ross: You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment, I look over here and you guys... are just having dinner or... watching TV or something, but... it makes me feel better. And now when I look over, who am I gonna see? The Gottliebs, the Yangs? They don't make me feel so good. (Joey pats Ross on his back)
Rachel: Yeah. So don't move, okay? Just stay here and... (nods towards Ross) maybe close your blinds at night.
(The phone rings and Chandler goes to get it)
Monica: And?
(Chandler and Monica hug)
Ross: Love you guys. (he kisses Monica, he, Rachel and Phoebe leave.)
Joey: And about this Nancy thing... If you're not sleeping with her, should I?
(Chandler gives Joey her business card, which he eagerly grabs and he leaves.)
Monica: And a baby...
[Scene: Central Perk. The entire gang is there, and Chandler and Monica are handing out presents.]
(they both run off, leaving Ross, Phoebe and Rachel stunned.)
[Scene: In Phoebes Grandmothers cab, driving up to the cabin. Phoebes driving, Rachels sitting shotgun, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are in the back seat.]
Chandler: ...And boogie!
Richard: Okay, okay, one things changed. But we still want different things and we know how this is gonna end.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, and hes very dejected.]
(They all rush toward Rachel, who panics and runs away. She runs out of the park and up along the fence, she then comes back into the park and runs past Monica, as she gets to Monica, she throws the ball at Monica, and it hits her in the eye.)
Joey: (to Chandler and Monica) Hey, does anybody else feel bad about Ross?
(Joey hands her the book and she puts it in the freezer.)
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Why? Because she can sing and play guitar and do both at the same time?
Singer: Okay, my next songs called: Phoebe Buffay, What Can I Say. I Really Loved When We Were Singing Partners, And I Shouldnt Have Left You That Way.
Phoebe: Well, I-I thought a lot about what you said, and um, I realilized duh, all right maybe I was a little judgmental. Yeah, (looks at the tree) oh, but oh...
Mr. Geller: Well you gotta get at it princess! When your mother and I were trying to conceive you, whenever she was ovulating, bam, we did it. Thats how I got my bad hip.
Leslie: Yeah, but, I dont do that anymore. I got kinda sick of it, and then I couldnt come up with anything good, so they fired me.
[Scene: Outside the bathroom, Chandler is pacing back and fourth, waiting is use it.]
Chandler: No. This is just part of a dare devil game that I play called wait until the last moment before I burst and die.
(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that hes still behind it, and she cant see him.)
(Joey puts his finger over his mouth to tell Ross to keep quiet. Ginger looks at Monica who looks away and leave.)
(Rachel goes to hug him but Ross is holding one of her hands and doesnt let go, so she can only put one arm around him.)
Leslie: I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said you played here a lot, so umm....
Phoebe and Monica: Hey.
Ursula: (waving the cigarette in Phoebes face) Its a filthy, disgusting habit and I want you to quit now!
Man: (singing) Mister Pretensous, (Monica stands up in the background) you think there's no one finer, well but your poems are unpublished, and you work in a diner.
[Scene: Rosss bedroom, Rachel getting into bed while Ross is reading and laughs.]
(Phoebe and Monica both stand up and gasp.)
Rachel: Okay, well if I stop playing with Joey and Chandler, can I play with Mark?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is looking at her beeper still in the pot. She takes it out, shakes it, and puts it back in.]
Phoebe: Its just y'know, been a couple of hours, and she hasnt called. Not that I even care, y'know.
Monica: And then Chandler was, was really sweet and he consoled me. And well we drank too much
(Phoebe runs in and joins her.)
Joey: Oh well, the powerball lottery is upto 300 million and they don't sell tickets here in New York, so...
Ross: (to Rachel) Im really glad we came. (Rachel smiles and rubs his arm) Youre so pretty. I love you.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading the newspaper.]
Chandler: Oh, I hate that. I once had a thing of half and half, stole my car.
(Both Chandler and Monica walk away in disgust.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are getting back from the lecture.]
EDDIE: Not Sean Penn. Alright, I, I've got a funny one, alright. My last girlfriend Tilly. Ok, we're eating breakfast, right, and I made all these pancakes, there was like 50 pancakes right. And all of the sudden she turns to me, alright, and she says, 'Eddie.' I say, 'yeah,' she says, 'Eddie, I don't want to see you anymore.' And it was literally like she had reached into my chest, ripped out my heart, and smeared it all over my life, ya know. And now there's like this incredible abyss, ya know, and I'm falling and I keep falling and I don't think I'm ever gonna stop. [finishes laughing] That uh, wasn't such a funny story, was it?
Monica: Yes. Well I got his machine and I left a message. But it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, because you know it was like a casual, breezy message. It was breezy! Oh God, what if it wasn't breezy?
CHANDLER: I, I'm sorry, I uh [unchains the door and opens it all the way] I already have a roommate. [Joey turns around in the leather recliner]
Ross: Sure, I-I-I... (hugs her and mouths No!!)
[Both Chandler and Joey put their feet up against the glass, Monica doesnt and gets thrown up against the glass.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Ginger are eating dinner.]
Monica: (still hiding under the blankets) Did you like her? And Im just asking as a friend, because I am totally fine with this.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and Joey are watching TV.]
(Monica gets up and shuts off the TV.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang except Chandler is there.]
PHOEBE: I hate this. 'Cause I tell you, I had the most amazing two weeks planned for us, and almost everything I had in mind, we had to be a lot closer than this.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is taking a jar of olives out of the fridge.]
(Phoebe puts the globe right up next to her eye to try and find the country.)
Aired: 3/13/2003 Teleplay by: Brian Buckner & Sebastian Jones Story by: Robert Carlock Directed by: Gary Halvorson Transcribed by: Eleonora, Pheeboh and Vanessa
Issac: (to Chandler and Joey) Can I help you?
[Scene: The Xerox place, Chandler and Joey are waiting in line.]
CHANDLER: You'll see, you guys are all gonna go off and get married, and I'm gonna end up alone. Will you promise me something? When you're married, will you invite me over for holidays?
Joey: Both of us? (points to Chandler and himself)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are playing with a Ouija board, Phoebes beeper goes off and Monica screams.]
(They both start laughing. They look at each other, stop and step apart a little bit.)
(Sergei goes up to her at her door and says something.)
Phoebe: Me too. Although this city is my home, so. So thats dumb what I said, dont tell him I said that. Umm, you make something up. (Mischa does so and Sergei kisses her hand.) Nice, (to Mischa) thank you. This is me. Here.
(Sergei says something and leans in to kiss her, but just as hes about to....)
(Sergei says something and kisses her.)
Monica: (joining him and taking the taco shells) You know that? You don't want to spoil your appetite.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is showing Monica where Sergeis country is.]
Phoebe and Monica: Hey.
Rachel: Honey see, it doesnt mean that I dont love you. Because I do. I love you, I love you so much. But my work its-its for me y'know, Im out there, on my own, and Im doing it and its scary but I love it, because its mine. I, but, I mean is that okay?
RADIO: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. (With or Without You plays)
Rachel: Well, there was a disaster in shipping and Ive got to get this order in. Honey, Im so sorry, but it looks like Im gonna be here all night.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the big couch.]
Joey: Yeah, for sure. Okay. Probably want the first thing to be, never open your eyes. Y'know, because you dont want to be doing something and then look up and see something you dont want to be seeing.
Jill: And yknow what I said to him? "Im gonna hire a lawyer and Im gonna sue you and take all your money. Then Im gonna cut you off!"
Monica: Whew. Although yknow, this is part of a salt and pepper set. I mean I guess yknow it may just count as a half a present. What do you think?
Chandler: Yeah. Good call, nice one. Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there.... (holds his arm out and pretends to grab something with his hand.)
Phoebe: (turning around and picking a cup off of a table) Oh, hey, look, I found coffee! (handing her the cup) Okay, lets skedaddle.
Rachel: Im sorry, as I was saying the store number is wrong, and Im sorry but thats... (notices a fire that Rosss candle has started) Oh my God!!
Chandler: Me too. I wanna find a baby that needs a home and I wanna raise it with you. And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way.
Chandler: Yeah, I-I-I think so. (Pauses and thinks about it for a second) Yeah, I-I think so...
Chandler: We cant tell him, you cant go up to a guy you barely know and talk about his.... stuff.
Joey: We've been stood up. (sniffles) And we want our free crab cakes.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is eating the picnic as Rachel comes home from work.]
(Ross starts to pack up the picnic in anger, and throws a three hole punch in the basket.)
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And Im happy for ya, but Im tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I dont know what to do anymore.
[Scene: The Philly, Chandler and Joey are talking to Chloe.]
Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, youre, youre, youre making this too hard.
(Chandler and Joey stare at each other in shock.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Phoebe are on their dates with Sergei and Mischa.]
(Mischa does so, and Sergei complements Phoebe, and says it slowly)
Chloe: I want you to met some friends of mine. (Introduces him to Chandler and Joey) This guy is my hero, he comes in with some stuff he wants it blown up 400%, we said we dont do that, and he says you gotta. And y'know what, we did it. And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say lets Ross it!
[Scene: Rachels office, Rachel and a co-worker (Sophie) are dealing with the crisis.]
Phoebe: Yeah but, Mischa is so interested in you, that Sergei and I havent been able to say two words to each other.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is lying in front of the bay window, and the phone rings.]
Chandler: Hey, no way! Come on, this is you guys, call her and work it out.
JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again. CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house. JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care. CHANDLER: Yeah. [Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.] CLOSING CREDITS
Mark: All right, all right, Im coming over, and Im bringing Chinese food.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Mark is there, opening Chinese food boxes.]
Rachel: Oh, and then, we got into this big, stupid fight. I just, it was awful. I told him he treats me like a park ranger, or something, oh and then I told him I wanted to take a break, I dont want to take a break.
(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)
Ross: Yeah! Got it! (slams the phone down, and walks back to the bar.)
Phoebe: So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is next to the bay window again, Mark has left.]
Rachel: (picks up the phone and calls Ross) Oh, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home. Be home. Be home, be home, be home. Oh, youre not home.
Sergei: (to the rest of Central Perk) Everybody!! (In his language, and continues.)
(She kisses him. Ross leans back for a second, and then they both kiss, more passionately this time as U2's With or Without You plays in the background.)
(They start singing, and Phoebe covers her mouth at the American part.)