words in movies
Written by: Doty Abrams Produced by: Wendy Knoller Transcribed by: Coffee Mug, Eleonora, Sebastiano & Vanessa Flashback clips transcribed by: Guineapig, Dan Silverstein, Ruth Curran, Eric Aasen and Mindy Mattingly Phillips, and compiled by Eleonora. Final check by Kim
[Scene: Central Perk. Everybody's sitting on the couch and Monica is eating a chunk of cake.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel and Phoebe are looking at some photos and they're sitting next to the window.]
Phoebe: Oh, hi Chandler. It's Phoebe. Uhm... I know that Monica is working today so...(back to Central Perk) ...I was wondering if you want to come to the movies with me and Rachel.
Phoebe: Ok. Quick. We gotta find a cab and follow them.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, ok. Let me just grab my night vision goggles and my stun gun.
Monica: Hey! You smell like perfume and cigarettes.
Monica: Isn’t it? Then what about the amazing wainscotting and the crown molding and the dormer windows in the attic?
Chandler: And the wiggle wharms and the zip zorps? (pause) What were the things you said?
Chandler: And the fireplace in the bedroom.
Monica: And Nancy said that it's really under price, because the guy lost his job and has to move in with his parents!
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Everybody except Monica and Chandler is there.]
Rachel: I’m telling you guys, we followed them out to a house in Westchester, the went in for like forty-five minutes and then they came out looking pretty happy!
Ross: I know, and with the baby coming?
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Monica is cleaning with a vacuum and then she cleans it with a dust buster. The guys enter the room.]
Phoebe: Well, look, whatever happens, we’re here for you and we love you.
Rachel: Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today outside on the street and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.
(they all look confused and sorry for her)
Joey: (walking towards her to hold her and support her) Monica, you understand what we are saying, right?
Monica: (goes to Chandler) Phoebe and Rachel saw you with Nancy today and... em... they think you're having an affair.
Chandler: Yeah (motions them to sit and they do) I'm not having an affair. Nancy is our realtor.
Monica: When we found out that we're gonna get this baby, Chandler and I started talking and we decided that we didn't want to raise a kid in the city.
Monica: And that's great for you guys, but we want a lawn and a swingset...
Chandler: ...and a street where our kids can ride their bikes and maybe an ice-cream truck can go by.
Ross: (to Joey) It's ok, because they have to get it out of their system, okay (back to Mon and Chan), but you're going to realize, this is the only place, you wanna be.
(pause before Monica and Chandler speak, they look like they are looking for the right words)
Monica: And about an hour ago, we made an offer.
(All the friends looked shocked and confused. There is a long silence.)
Monica: (smiling) It's so sweet. It really is. It has this big yard that leads down to this stream and then there's these old maple trees... (gets cut off)
Chandler: I know this is really hard and we're really sorry.
Joey: Is this because I come over here without knocking and eat your food? (Walks towards the fridge) Because I can stop doing that, (looks at the fridge) I really, really think I can!
Chandler: (goes towards Joey) You know that's not the reason Joe. (Joey hugs him and after, he takes something from the fridge and puts it in his mouth. He goes back to where he was standing before)
Monica: We think if you saw it, you'd understand. I mean you guys were there. (Points to Rachel and Phoebe) It is beautiful, isn't it?
Rachel: (talking on the phone) C'mon Daddy, listen to me! All of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying that I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
(Rachel sticks a marshmallow into Monica’s nose. Monica takes it out of her nose by closing one nostril, and blowing.)
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. You know, what was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window)
(Ross spots Chandler and starts chasing him around the kitchen table. Chandler runs and hides behind Monica.)
Chandler: Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica.
Ross: (To Chandler) I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this!
Ross: (happily) My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this. (He hugs them both.)
Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.
Monica and Rachel: What?!
Phoebe: You’re just so mean to each other! And I don’t want to end up like that with Rachel. I still like you!
Monica: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Y’know, I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but y’know Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate. She gets tons of catalogs and umm, she’ll fold down the pages of the things she thinks that I’d like.
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
(Monica closes the door and slowly walks into Rachel’s old and now empty room.)
Chandler: No problem roomie. (She turns around and hugs him.)
Chandler: Little toast here. I know this isn't exactly the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
Rachel: And a crappy New Year.
[Scene: We're back to the present. Chandler and Monica's. They're all still at the kitchen table.]
Ross: You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment, I look over here and you guys... are just having dinner or... watching TV or something, but... it makes me feel better. And now when I look over, who am I gonna see? The Gottliebs, the Yangs? They don't make me feel so good. (Joey pats Ross on his back)
Rachel: Yeah. So don't move, okay? Just stay here and... (nods towards Ross) maybe close your blinds at night.
(The phone rings and Chandler goes to get it)
Monica: And?
(Chandler and Monica hug)
Ross: Love you guys. (he kisses Monica, he, Rachel and Phoebe leave.)
Joey: And about this Nancy thing... If you're not sleeping with her, should I?
(Chandler gives Joey her business card, which he eagerly grabs and he leaves.)
Monica: And a baby...
[Scene: Central Perk. The entire gang is there, and Chandler and Monica are handing out presents.]
(they both run off, leaving Ross, Phoebe and Rachel stunned.)
[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross and the janitor are in the nocturnal house.]
Rachel: (holding Ben) Look Benny, spoon. (moves it back and forth) Spoon. Come on! All right, y'know what I think hes bored.
Monica and Rachel: Oh!!
(Monica takes the bear, grabs his hat, and rips off his head.)
Chandler: All right. Look, Im gonna go in here, and you dont buy me anything ever. (starts to go into the store)
Monica: Oh-ho-ho, sweetie, sweetie, you gotta stop saying that, now. Its no big deal, its not even worth mentioning, you see we all do it all the time. See watch this, Ben, Ben, Ben. (goes over and starts hitting her head on the post) Ow, Monica bang! (does it again) Everybody bang. (repeats) Ben bang. (repeats) Rachel bang. (repeats) Bang, Rachel bang! Oh, isnt that fun?
Rachel: Come on, its a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasnt smoked since.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]
[Ross enters behind Rachel, and look at each other for a moment.]
Phoebe: All right, there are no questions in the happy place. Okay, just, the warm breeze, and the moonlight flowing through the trees....
Phoebe: Oh my God! I killed him! I killed another one! And this curse is getting stronger too, to bring down something that big.
Ross: And tell them what? The naked guy we stare at all the time isnt moving.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is throwing darts, as Joey enters.]
Chandler: She doesnt know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I cant even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross has just finished putting Ben to sleep, and is entering from Rachels room.]
Ross: (running into the hall, in slow motion) You'll never get me, Joe!!! (he then pretends that he gets shot repeatedly and falls back against Joey and Chandler's door, dead.)
Joey: They have a kid together, y'know. Theyre like, theyre like a family, and if, I dont know, theres chance they could make that work, I know I wouldnt want to be the guy who stood in the way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, come poke a nude guy?
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because its, its, its not gonna be easy.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Janice are there.]
Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I dont wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y'know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y'know Youre the reason, you are the reason why their not together. and I hated that guy. And it didnt matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.
Chandler: I dont care! (turns around and to the people watching them) I dont care!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, and Ross are holding the giant poking device.]
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, first there was my aunt Mary, and then there was umm, John, my mailman, and then my, my cowboy friend Albino Bob.
Monica: (That annoying competitiveness thing kicks in again, what the heck is that with her and why must the writers show it every flippin' episode?!) Oh, we're not seeing a movie!
(They thread the needle and start poking him, he then stirs.)
Monica: And yet, were still poking him.
Chandler and Phoebe: Yes! You mean the world the world to me. Oh...
Chandler: (singing) Ill hold you close in my arms. (Phoebe enters) I cant resist your charms. And love....
Rachel: Right. So, what you have to do is, you have to accidentally run into her on purpose. And then act aloof.
Chandler and Phoebe: Ill be a fool for you. Im sure, you know I dont mind.
Monica and Phoebe: Hey!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there, the guys are watching football, the girls are cooking Thanksgiving dinner.]
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Joey: Come on man! You never want to do anything since you and Janice broke up.
Phoebe: Well, Im going to the dentist, so listen, okay, just be on the look out for anything that, that, that you can fall into, or, or that can fall on you, or... All right, just look out! Okay, And um, I also just wanna, I just wanna tell you all that um...... (starts to cry and runs out)
Phoebe: Y'know, for once, I am going to sit down and try to watch one of these things. (just as she sits down).
Joey: All right, I have one question. What is the deal with this? (Imitates Ross's 'quiet down' maneuver, but does move his hands up and down he just flaps his hands as if he's waving good-bye.)
Monica and Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Um, Monica and I arent supposed to play football.
Monica: Well yknow, Im just-Im just worried that bosses will see them and think they pay you too much money. Or! Or your assistant will see them and-and want a raise!
Monica: (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game.
[Scene: The fire escape, Joey is now hanging off of the bottom rung of the ladder that wont move and Ross is watching from above.]
(they walk over to the sink and discuss it for a moment)
Rachel, Chandler, and Joey: What?
(Chandler is getting ready to kick off, Ross is holding the ball between his foot and finger.)
Monica: Okay, Joeys gonna catch it, and you and I are gonna block.
CHANDLER: Oh, it's a website, it's the, uh, the Guggenheim (sp?, I'm not an art guy) museum. See, she likes art, and I like funny words.
Joey: All right. Okay. You and Monica, friends for a long time, and sure there are rules, but then you went to London. Oh, no, but thats different. I mean, there are rules there, too! You know what I mean?
Janice: Oh! Youre right. Oh God. But, before I can say good-bye, theres something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, its like, I finally understand what Lionel Richies been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, its like movie love, youre my soulmate, and I cant believe were not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
[cut to Ross and Monica.]
Chandler and Joey: Yeah! Why dont you stick around. You can sit right there.
[cut to Chandler, Joey, and Margha.]
(she goes and sits down)
Margha: It is okay, if I stay and watch?
(Joey starts to return the fumble and Chandler grabs Joeys shirt and rips it off of his back.)
(Rachel takes the ball from his hands and bounces it off of Rosss forehead and Chandler catches the rebound.)
(Phoebe runs and scores a touchdown.)
[Scene: Rosss apartment, he and Emily are addressing their invitations.]
Monica and Joey: One-Mississippi. Two-Mississippi. Three-Mississippi.
[cut to Monica and Rachels.]
Monica: No! Listen, Im not gonna go through this with you again, okay. Just once I wanna beat when you cant blame it on the broken nose, the buzzer, or the fact that you thought you were getting mono. Lets just call this, tie score and its halftime.
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Rachel: What? You wanna see me self-defend myself?! Go over there (points) and pretend youre a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!!
Monica: When Mom and Dad drove you to the hospital to get your nose fixed, I swam into the lake and fished it out.
Ross: Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game. But our Dad said, nobody won that game, and he was sick of our fighting, so he took the trophy and.... (pauses to collect himself, as he is on the verge of tears saying this) threw it in the lake.
(Chandler catches the ball and starts to run upfield.)
Ross: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. And sweetie..
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is greeting her Father for their brunch.]
Monica: What?! I just touched him and he went over.
[Sequence 1: Monica throws the ball over Chandlers head to Joey who catches it for a touchdown, and starts to dance in celebration. Chandler then tackles him, and he starts to dance in celebration.]
(She starts checking her form. Chandler sees movement near the window from the corner of his eye and when he looks he spots Joey climbing up the fire escape and onto their balcony. He warns Monica silently.)
Joey: Her name is Dutch, and also Marklan.
[Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a pass. Ross runs over and pulls her pants down, steps in front of her and intercepts the pass.]
Phoebe: (no accent) Uhm... Okay, well, allright, uhm... Originally I'm from upstate, but uhm... then my mom killed herself and my stepdad went to prison, so... I just moved to the city where uhm... I actually lived in a burned out Buick LeSabre for a while... (frowns are received) which was okay, that was okay, until uhm... I got hepatitis, you know, 'cause this pimp spit in my mouth and... but I... I got over it and uhm... anyway, now I'm uhm... a freelance massage therapist, uhm... which, you know, isn't always steady money but at least I don't pay taxes, huh... (everyone in the room finds it a bit surreal, which Phoebe realises and starts to talk in the accent again) So... where does everyone summer?
Ross: Oh-oh, okay, okay! (He quickly takes off his sweater in order to put on the T-shirt. Its an old Frankie says relax T-shirt, that barely fits him. Rachel nods her head in approval of the new look.) If you dont mind Im gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. (Starts to leave) You have a pleasant evening. (He exits and leaves the door open.)
Rachel: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally(opens envelope)not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that.
Chandler and Joey: What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?
Chandler: Y'know what, it doesnt matter, cause she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!
Chandler: Ah, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and ah, Jessica Rabbit.
Monica: The second that Ross walks in that door, I want you take him back to your bedroom and do whatever it is that you do that makes him go, (high pitched) rweee!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone exept Monica is there.]
Rachel: And heels.
Rachel: Im sorry, they were just all coming at me, and I didnt know what to do.
Chandler: I Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are watching one of those Kung Fu movies and imitating the moves.]
JOEY: Olive loaf and ham spread, no mayo.
[Scene: The park, its dark outside and Monica and Ross are still fighting over the ball.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are eating Thanksgiving dinner.]
(they all start to dive for the ball and Monica and Ross grab it at the same time.)
Frank: Yeah, I was thinking that maybe we could go down to Time Square and pick up some ninja stars. And, oh, um, my friend Larry, he wants me to take a picture of a hooker.
[Scene: The street, Chandler and Joey are walking past a jewelery store.]
Written by: Michael Curtis and Gregory S. Malins Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
(They both look up, and watch it start to snow. Then they both start fighting for the ball again.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: The hallway of Rosss building, there is a Brown Bird girl selling cookies, as Ross and Chandler come up the stairs.]
Joey: (He turns around to Chandler looking for approval to go with Rachel, Chandler mouths Come on!) (turning back to Rachel) Ross, did ask us first, and we set that night aside.
(Rachel starts to laugh, and Ross notices her.)
RACHEL: Yes, but I, I think about who's apartment we're gonna sleep at tomorrow night and, and where we're gonna have dinner next Saturday night. I do not think about what our childrens' names are gonna be. You know what our childrens names are gonna be.