words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is eating some Chinese food.]
(They all run and join her at the window.)
Chandler: And we're done with the chicken fried rice.
Joey: Hey, yeah! Then we could do that telephone thing! Y'know, you have a can, we have a can and it's connected by a string!
[Scene: Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are checking out the place. Luckily, Ugly Naked Guy is nowhere to be seen.]
Phoebe: It's amazing! You better hurry up and fill out an application or I'm gonna beat you to it.
Ross: (laughing) Ohh. (Phoebe takes a couple of steps to the door and Ross quickly hurries out.)
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Phoebe: (screaming) Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!!
Phoebe: CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!
Rachel: Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!!
Phoebe and Rachel: Ohhh!!!
Rachel: (trying to divert his attention from the window by jumping up and down) HI!! Hi!
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Phoebe: (Screaming incoherently.) Get in here!!! (Motions to join her and Rachel.)
(Ross starts jumping and screaming incoherently and hops over and joins in on the group hug.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there talking about Chandler and Monica.]
Phoebe: You mean whenever Monica and Chandler where like y'know doing laundry or going grocery shopping orOh! All that time Monica spent on the phone with sad Linda from camp!
Rachel: Phoebe just found out about Monica and Chandler.
Joey: You mean how they're friends and nothing more? (Glares at Rachel.)
Rachel: No. Joey, she knows! We were at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment and we saw them doing it through the window. (Joey gasps) Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window.
Phoebe: Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel knows?
Joey: Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over!
Phoebe: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own.
Phoebe: And then. I would use y'know the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality.
Phoebe: Okay, watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie.
(She gets up and goes over to Chandler who's ordering some coffee from Gunther.)
Phoebe: Well actually you're the one person I can't tell this too. And the one person I want to the most.
Phoebe: I think it's just y'know that I haven't been with a guy in so long and how sometimes you're looking for something and you just dont even see that it's right there in front of you sipping coffeeOh no, have I said to much? Well it's just something to think about. I know I will.
(She makes a show of bending over to get her coat and showing off her bum. She then walks out, leaving no one to eat her cookie.)
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler and Monica are there, of course. Like who else would it be, duh!]
Chandler: Well, my Grandfather was Swedish and my Grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there. Monica is entering from her room.]
Rachel: Okay great, hold on a sec! (She runs to her room and returns carrying a huge bag of laundry.) Oh, here you go! You don't mind do ya? That would really help me out a lot! Thanks!
Ross: Well, I called over there and it turns out Ugly Naked Guy is subletting it himself and he's already had like a hundred applicants.
Ross: Well yeah! Someone sent us a basket at work once and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day.
Chandler: (after they've left) Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate and the pinching!!
Monica: Phoebe knows and she's just trying to freak us out! That's the only explanation for it!
Chandler: (a little hurt) Okay but what about y'know my pinchable butt and my bulging bicepsShe knows!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is snoozing with Hugsy, his bedtime penguin pal and Chandler and Monica come storming in.]
Joey: Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey.
Joey: And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell!
Joey: I'm sorry! But hey, it's over now, right? Because you can tell them that you know they know and I can go back to knowing absolutely nothing!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is looking at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment through binoculars.]
Ross: Look I've already looked at like a thousand apartments this month and none of them even compares to that one!
Rachel: You should find out what his hobbies are and then use that to bond with him. Yeah! Like if I would strike up a conversation about say umm, sandwiches. Or uh, or my underwear.
Ross: That is a great idea! And! I know Ugly Naked Guy because we've been watching him for like five years so that gives me back my edge! Oh, let's see now he had the trampoline.
Ross: Okay, I've got to go pick up Ben but I-I will figure something out. (He opens the door and stops.) Hey, didn't he used to have a cat?
(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)
Chandler: Yeah, listen, Joey isn't gonna be here tonight so why don't you come over and I'll let you uh, feel my bicep. Or maybe more.
Phoebe: I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! (Hangs up.) Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!
Rachel: I can not believe he would do that to MonWhoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we know?
[Scene: Outside Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross is knocks on the door and Ugly Naked Guy answers it. He's ugly. He's naked. And he's holding a huge jumbo soda.]
Ross: Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce butI'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and (He claps his hands.) I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica and Rachel and Phoebe are planning their respective strategies to break the other pairing. Joey is not amused.
[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.]
(She saunters over to Chandler with a mean pair of 'Come hither' eyes and she glares at Monica.)
Phoebe: Good. I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse.
(As she walks away, Chandler mouths a scream to Monica. How motions and mouths, "It's okay, it's okay.")
Rachel: Oh yeah! (She gasps.) Oh my God! That is our friend! (Monica covers her face.) It's Naked Ross! (Monica turns and buries her face in Chandler's shoulder.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Phoebe ready for her date.]
Phoebe: And Joey, get me a bottle of wine and glasses? (He begrudgingly does so.)
(In the meantime, Rachel has returned with the perfume and sprays a mist out in front of Phoebe who walks through the mist and does a little spin.)
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Monica is getting Chandler ready for his half of the plan.]
Monica: Because you're on my team! And my team always wins!
(Phoebe knocks on the door with the wine and Chandler answers it. Rachel hides next to the door.)
Phoebe: I was going too. (They go inside and he closes the door.) Umm, I brought some wine. Would you like some?
(She makes a big show out of pulling out the cork and pours the wine.)
(They click their glasses and take a sip. That sip turns into a gulp, which quickly progresses into their mutual draining of their glasses at once.)
Phoebe: Maybe, maybe I'll dance for you. (She starts doing a rather suggestive and seductive dance that's silly at the same time.)
Phoebe: No. No! It's just y'know first, I wanna take off all my clothes and have you rub lotion on me.
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Monica: You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks!
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.)
Phoebe: Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.
(They move closer to together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.)
(They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Phoebe has her eyes wide open in shock and Chandler is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a short while and pushes Phoebe away.)
Phoebe: And why not?!
(Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.)
Chandler: Love her! That's right, I LOVE HER!!! I love her!! (They walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica.
Chandler: And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. (Pause) And might I say your breasts are still showing.
Phoebe: God! (She turns and buttons up.)
Chandler: Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.
[Scene: Ross's new apartment, he is showing his boss, Dr. Ledbetter his new place and new outlook on life.]
Ross: A new place for a new Ross. I'm gonna have you and all the guys from work over once it's y'know, furnished.
Ross: Well I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.
Phoebe: I'm sorry you guys but, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school so... you know, you were-you were... if it helps you, you were next in line, you just-you just missed the cut.
Ross: What? (Ross and Chandler don't know what to say, so there's an embarrassing long pause)
Phoebe: No, of course not! I also, you know, prepared a reading (she picks up a book). “Sex and the single mother. (pause) Finding your G-spot.
Ross: Who cares, AND?
Ross: And it's a wedding! It'd be weird if I'm not in it...
Mike: Yeah look, about tomorrow, I... I've got a question for ya. I just found out that one of my groomsmen had had an emergency and can't make it.
Man with a bow tie: Jarvis Oberblau, Cornell. (sighs) I mean, the ideas you put forth and, and from someone... so... young... and... (sighs again and smiles at Ross blissfully).
Mike: ...and I was wondering if... you know, maybe one of you guys... (Ross stands up)
Chandler: Pick me, I look great in a tux and I will not steal focus.
(Cut to Chandler and Ross. Phoebe comes out of the ladies room and they run toward her.)
[Scene: Wedding rehearsal dinner. Joey and Mike are talking.]
MIKE: huh.� (pause)� What's the difference between beer and lager?
Phoebe: Oh, I got tired of naming states. So I decided to list the types of celery, and I have one: regular celery.
Phoebe: YOU'RE FIRED! (mimes the CUT again) (pause and she raises her glass) Cheers! (Chandler raises his, smiling and Monica stares at him and he puts down his glass.)
Monica: Hi. About last night... I know you are under a lot of stress and even though the things you said hurt me a little bit... My point is, uh, well, I'm willing to take my job back.
Conan: And then it just builds on itself and theres no doing the scene after. I mean you probably wait and really get it together and do it.
Monica: Oh, is that so? Ok. If that's really what you want, then here... I give you the headset. Well, I don't really want to give you the headset. Well I guess if you're taking over, you should probably return these messages. (hands her a stack of papers with messages and calls to return)
Ross: I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump! (he goes to Rachel's room, knocks the door and enters the room). (very fake gasp) Oh! My God! You're breathtaking!
Joey: I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is very very important to me, ok? And I wanna make sure that you are gonna take care of her.
Joey's Co-Star: Not if we extract tissue from the original host body, synthesize antibodies, and introduce them into your system, which could stop it from rejecting the brain.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is pacing and Rachel walks in.]
Chandler: Oh come on! Hello! Hi! My name is Chandler, here's my friend Ross right here, and we were wondering you know if you're up for it. We only need six more people for a human pyramid...Swoop!! Swoop!!
(Phoebe walks to the door and half-opens it)
(Mike and Joey come out of Joey's room)
Monica: (very serious) It's 2101 and I am not amused. (pause). Ok, the bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say. (Everyone sits and Phoebe gets up)
(Cut to Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Ross storm in looking very unhappy)
Phoebe: Listen, Mike, if you were Swedish and you were saying the word "lorkins" what flowers would that be?
Rachel: Ok-dokey, Joey, listen. This is gonna be bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair and make-up going on in the bathroom and oh, I had to move a couple of things in the fridge to make room for the corsages.
(Ross and Chandler look shocked)
Phoebe: (genuinely excited about it) Yeah, yeah! And you can get rid of that French poster.
Monica: Ooh! But the band and the photographer are coming all the way in from New Jersey!
Ross: Yeah, and to save you from any embarrassment umm, I think maybe I should talk first.
Ross: (To Phoebe and Mike) I can't believe you guys aren't going to be able to get married today.
[Scene: Outside. They are a bunch of people arranging chairs, shoveling snow and making other preparations.]
Mike's mom: No... It's lovely. The lights and the snow. I could look at them forever.
Chandler and Ross: I'll do it!
Chandler: I'm not scared. (moves towards Mike and Chappy) I'll just take little Chappy and... (he backs out) HE CAN SENSE MY FEAR. MY THROAT IS EXPOSED.
Mike's dad: (leans in towards Mike) I crushed a pill and put it in her drink... (to his wife) Come on, sweetheart.
Joey: Yeah, you'd think I'd give up being a minister and start paying to ride the subway? Huhuh...
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)
(Cut to inside Central Perk where Rachel is helping Phoebe. Chandler and Monica enter.)
Rachel and Monica: I love you.
Monica: Okay, Joey's doing the ceremony and Chandler's giving you away.
(She walks down the aisle with the groomsman. We cut to inside Central Perk, where Phoebe and Chandler are waiting.)
(Sarah picks up some fries from Joey’s plate and Joey looks very angry. Then we’re back to Central Perk and Joey does a you-see-what-I-mean look to Phoebe)
Joey: Look at you, all sweet and innocent, sleeping like an angel... with Emma's chubby little hands wrapped around ya. (he picks up Hugsy) It's okay, Emma, you stay asleep. (Emma cries)
(Everyone claps and cheers, Joey mimics looking about with a gun.)
Phoebe: Oh wait, oh I forgot... and uhm... I love you... and you have nice eyes.
Mike: Phoebe you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever. (He puts the ring on Phoebe's finger.)
(Phoebe and Mike kiss)
(Mike takes off his coat to give to Phoebe and the steel band plays "The Wedding Song")
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments. Chandler and Joey are walking up the stairs.]
Joey: It was, yeah. I kind of don't want it to end. Hey, you wanna come in for a drink and a bite of corsage?
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch and Phoebe enters.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.]
Joey: I have an audition for this play and for some of it I have to speak French. Which, according to my résumé, I'm fluent in.
Monica: Well, I want he baby to come out all cute and fat!
Chandler: Oh, hey, when she gets here, is it ok if I introduce you two as "my wife" and "the woman who's carrying my child"? (she's not amused) No? Divorce?
Ross: Well, ok, it's for 25 thousand dollars. And if I get it, I'll finally be able to complete my field research! And there will be an article about me in the "Paleontology Review"! Yeah! That'll be the first time my name is in there, without people raising serious questions about my work!
Rachel: Well, it gets worse. When asked if you take initiative I wrote, "Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision," and under Problems with Performance I wrote, "Dear God, I hope not," and then uh, then I drew a little smiley face, and then a small pornographic sketch.
Monica: Well, because we want to get to know her better and she's never been to New York so she wants to see all the tourists' spots... you know, Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building...
Joey: Dude, you see right thru me!! (They hug) (Joey heads for the door and pushes Chandler's suitcase on the way out.)
Monica: Wow, really? One time he just looked at my bra and it popped open.
Rachel: Ohh... (Ross mouths HA-HA at Monica and takes two cookies and she looks at him angrily)
Monica: (entering with Erica and Chandler) Hey you guys.
Ross: And I'm Doctor Ross Geller.
Monica: I want you to meet someone really special. Phoebe, this is Erica. And this is the baby!
Chandler: This is like figure skating team all over again. (Phoebe and Ross glare at him astonished) I mean synchronized swimming. (they continue to glare) I mean- I mean the balance beam. (to Ross) Help me!
Ross: I was gonna make us some dinner but all I found in your dad's fridge was bacon and heavy cream. (pause) I think we solved the mystery of the heart attack.
Phoebe: Oh, and great! You might as well bring me my book, its on the counter in your apartment.
Monica: Who's Gladys? (Phoebe shows her a horrific painting with a half-a-body girl dummy coming out of the frame. Monica's frightened and she gasps.) Oh! What a tragic loss!
Rachel: Ok. (She sits on the bed and Ross sits near her) Thank you for coming with me today.
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Monica and Erica have just arrived.]
Erica: Well, if there is anything else you wanna know... (Monica and Chandler look at each other)
Erica: Yeah... it's almost definitely him. (Monica and Chandler look confused now)
Joey: I now pronounce you... husband and wife.
Erica: No, he's in prison. (More shocked looks from Monica and Chandler)
(Time lapse. Chandler and Monica are in bed now)
Erica: No... he killed his father with a shovel. (Monica and Chandler's jaws drop) But other than that, he's a great guy.
Joey: Oh, no, that's okay, I don't need your help. I worked on it myself and I gotta say, I am pretty good!
Joey: (offended) Oh well I think I am, yeah and I think I'm definitely gonna get the part.
Rachel: (She turns around very slowly, looks at him for a second and then turns back to her coffee) Sure. (She gives him the cup she was pouring for herself without looking at him)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He is sitting on the barcalounger holding a French study book and listening to a French learning tape.]
Rachel: (sarcastically) Really? Well, it seems to me if you'd done the right thing, I would not have woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed, I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied!
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
(There's booing around them, and Mike sinks in his chair, holding his hand in above his eyes, hoping no-one would recognize him)
Ross: Hey you know what? You know what? To avoid this little thing in the future, let's just say, you and me, never having sex again.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is on the phone and Monica is nonchalantly "minding her own business".]
Joey: Now YOU'RE telling me I can't see her?? You guys are killing me! She's forbidden fruit! It's like ... like she's the princess and I'm the stable boy ... Why are you doing this, huh? Did Ross tell you not to let me go over there?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Erica enter, Chandler is in the kitchen.]
(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)
Joey: Uh no Rach, hes gone. But listen, he told us what happened and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake.
Chandler: O-okay. (steps closer to Monica and speaks softly) So, is she gonna take the test?
[Scene: The theatre where Joey is auditioning. Phoebe enters when Joey's on stage and she sits down. He hasn't seen her.]
(The director looks at Joey and he nods.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting at the kitchen counter and Ross enters from Rachel and Emma's room.]
Rachel: Just so you know... With us... it's never off the table. (she enters her room and closes the door.)
Monica: All right, I still need a calamari and a Caesar salad.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are having a diner party with Phoebe and Mike.]
Monica: Well, because every time we do, you make jokes about swinging and scare them away.