words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is taking a jar of olives out of the fridge.]
Phoebe: I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the UN and, I dont know where his country is.
Phoebe: Umm, well hes very dashing, y'know, and umm, very, very sophisticated, and he doesnt speak any English, but according to his translator, he totally gets me.
Monica: Its a globe and, a pencil sharpener.
(Phoebe puts the globe right up next to her eye to try and find the country.)
[Scene: The Xerox place, Chandler and Joey are waiting in line.]
Issac: (to Chandler and Joey) Can I help you?
Joey: Uh, y'know what, were having second thoughts about our copying needs. And well need a little more time to think about it.
Joey: Both of us? (points to Chandler and himself)
(They both start laughing. They look at each other, stop and step apart a little bit.)
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking along with the diplomat (Sergei) and his translator (Mischa).]
Phoebe: Me too. Although this city is my home, so. So thats dumb what I said, dont tell him I said that. Umm, you make something up. (Mischa does so and Sergei kisses her hand.) Nice, (to Mischa) thank you. This is me. Here.
(Sergei goes up to her at her door and says something.)
(Sergei says something and leans in to kiss her, but just as hes about to....)
Phoebe: (to Mischa) Okay, y'know what, you dont have to do that now. (Mischa translates that to Sergei) No-no-no-no!! Not him, you dont! (Mischa tells Sergei he can proceed and steps away) Well the moments over.
(Sergei says something and kisses her.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is showing Monica where Sergeis country is.]
Phoebe: Yeah. Except for, y'know when youre on a date and youre getting along really great but the guys translator keeps getting in the way.
Phoebe and Monica: Hey.
Rachel: Well, there was a disaster in shipping and Ive got to get this order in. Honey, Im so sorry, but it looks like Im gonna be here all night.
Phoebe: (to Monica) Anyway, Im going out with Sergei again tonight, and um, could you come and be the translators date? So that when we, its time for our alone time, you two could split off. Y'know, hes really, hes kinda cute.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the big couch.]
Chandler: Yeah, I-I-I think so. (Pauses and thinks about it for a second) Yeah, I-I think so...
Joey: Yeah, for sure. Okay. Probably want the first thing to be, never open your eyes. Y'know, because you dont want to be doing something and then look up and see something you dont want to be seeing.
Chandler: Yeah. Good call, nice one. Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there.... (holds his arm out and pretends to grab something with his hand.)
Joey: Yeah, I guess, but whats like heads and whats tails?
[Scene: Rachels office, Rachel and a co-worker (Sophie) are dealing with the crisis.]
Rachel: (on the phone) No, no, no, Im looking at a purchase order right here and it clearly states that we ordered the Rivera bikini in a variety of sizes and colours. And.... (listens) What does it matter, what Im wearing?! Can I please speak to your supervisor? (listens) Thank you. (to Sophie) Were holding.
Rachel: Well, let me just check that with what I got here, all right see 038 is not the number for (Ross starts making a lot of noise with a handheld pepper grinder) this store, 038 is Atlanta. And I...(stops and looks at Ross)
Rachel: Im sorry, as I was saying the store number is wrong, and Im sorry but thats... (notices a fire that Rosss candle has started) Oh my God!!
(Ross starts to pack up the picnic in anger, and throws a three hole punch in the basket.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is eating the picnic as Rachel comes home from work.]
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And Im happy for ya, but Im tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I dont know what to do anymore.
Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, youre, youre, youre making this too hard.
[Scene: The Philly, Chandler and Joey are talking to Chloe.]
Chloe: And the advances in collating in the past five years, I mean we just got in an X-5000, y'know. The X-5000 makes the X-50 look like a T-71.
Chloe: I want you to met some friends of mine. (Introduces him to Chandler and Joey) This guy is my hero, he comes in with some stuff he wants it blown up 400%, we said we dont do that, and he says you gotta. And y'know what, we did it. And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say lets Ross it!
Chandler: And thats the only colour that comes in.
(Chandler and Joey stare at each other in shock.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Phoebe are on their dates with Sergei and Mischa.]
Monica: Oh, and I can also speak a little French. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? (Mischa laughs) Why? What did I say?
Phoebe: (laughing and banging her spoon on the table) Knock, knock, knock, knock, hi. Um, could you please tell Sergei that um, I was fascinated by what Boutros Boutros Gali said in the New York Times.
(Mischa does so, and Sergei complements Phoebe, and says it slowly)
Phoebe: Yeah but, Mischa is so interested in you, that Sergei and I havent been able to say two words to each other.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is lying in front of the bay window, and the phone rings.]
Mark: All right, all right, Im coming over, and Im bringing Chinese food.
Chandler: Hey, no way! Come on, this is you guys, call her and work it out.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Mark is there, opening Chinese food boxes.]
Rachel: Oh, and then, we got into this big, stupid fight. I just, it was awful. I told him he treats me like a park ranger, or something, oh and then I told him I wanted to take a break, I dont want to take a break.
Rachel: No. (grabs an eggroll) And then I called him, and he wasnt there.
(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)
Ross: Yeah! Got it! (slams the phone down, and walks back to the bar.)
Mischa: (to Monica) And the vet said it was time. And so from half a world away, while my Mother held the phone to his ear, I said good bye to my dog,. In seven languages.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, sure. I just hope you, hope you dont accidentally suck it up through your nose and choke on it.
(Sergei insults Mischa, and they get into a huge fight, in Russian.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is next to the bay window again, Mark has left.]
Rachel: (picks up the phone and calls Ross) Oh, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home. Be home. Be home, be home, be home. Oh, youre not home.
(She kisses him. Ross leans back for a second, and then they both kiss, more passionately this time as U2's With or Without You plays in the background.)
(Both Phoebe and him are singing along and they get to the chorus.)
(They start singing, and Phoebe covers her mouth at the American part.)
Sergei: (to the rest of Central Perk) Everybody!! (In his language, and continues.)
Laura: Oh, it's nothing. I went on a date with a guy who lived in this building and it didn't end very well.
Phoebe: Joey and my friend were out last night and having dinner and she reaches over and takes a few of his fries...
(Phoebe looks horrified and she turns to watch Joey)
Joey: (mad and pointing a finger to himself) JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!
Phoebe: Well, I still think that it’s a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her! And if you need to, just get an extra plate of fries for the table!
[Scene: A clothes store. Ross and Phoebe are shopping]
(Ross wears the jackets and look at himself in the mirror)
Ross: (feeling the fabric) Wow, this is really soft (he looks the price). Three hundred and fifty dollars?
Ross: Actually this looks like pretty good! Yeah!(he turns and watches his back and there’s a sign on the back of the jacket, “boys will be boys”) Boys will be boys?
Rachel: Yes! And I know what looks sexy on guys. Please, just wear what I suggest, and she’s gonna go nuts for you.
Rachel: Yes, they will! You know what you should do? Just go take a walk, all right? I know your size and I’m... I’m gonna pick up some really good stuff for you.
Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife’s a reverend, that’s important to you?
Phoebe: Rachel, come here. (Rachel walks over to Phoebe. Chandler sits down on the lounge-chair.) Okay, I was just starting to take my Thanksgiving nap, and I had another dream about Jack.
Erica: I was wondering you both have such serious jobs. (to Monica) Would you have time to take care of a baby and your flock?
Monica: It says “Do it!”. And behold she did adopt onto them a baby. And it was good.
Conan: Matthew, you have a reputation with the rest of the cast that sometimes you like to, you like to fool around a bit. I mean like if somethings naturally going wrong you like to get in there and juice it a little bit. True or false?
Rachel: Oh! Believe you me! I am going to bring this cake back, I don't even want it in my home... (Turns towards the cake and sees Joey trying to take a piece and yells at him) Joey, don't touch it!!
Rachel: (looking into one of her shopping bags) Oh no! I took one of Ross' bags by mistake, and one of mine is missing.
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Rachel and Phoebe walk in, loaded with bags.]
[Scene: Ross walks into Central Perk, wearing a pink and white ladies shirt. Joey is on the couch]
Ross: (not getting it) Yeah! Yeah! Rachel picked it out for me. She told me to trust her and you know what? I'm glad I did! I turned quite a few heads on my way over here.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's hotel room. They enter.]
Chandler: She likes Doctor Chandler and Reverend Monica.
Ross: You're just jealous because you couldn't pull this off. Yeah, now if you'll excuse me (getting up and taking his coat) I have a date. (As he is walking out, everyone turns and stares at him) See? (To Joey) ALL eyes on ME!
Chandler: So, we'll tell the truth and who knows, maybe she'll like us for us.
Joey: oh, I didn't know you liked French fries. Help yourself! What's mine is yours. (Sarah reaches over and takes a few fries)
Joey: How about those fries though, huh? (Holds the plate between Sarah’s fingers and his plate, thus blocking her from reaching his)
Joey: Hey! Let me ask you guys something. I have a new headshot taken tomorrow right and the photographer said she thinks Ishould have my eyebrows waxed. Is that weird for a guy?
(Sarah, is grinning and starts to reach over to Joey's plate to take a few clams)
Sarah: They are delicious (takes a few from the plate, puts one in her mouth and places the rest on her plate, then starts to reach over to Joey's platter again)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. The scene starts where we took off in the last episode with Ross seeing Joey and Rachel kissing. Rosss tares at them.]
[Scene: Ross and his date walk into a lobby. They are both wearing their jackets]
Ross: Oh! You are gonna love it! (The girl is looking in the other direction as Ross is taking off his own coat, revealing the pink and white ladies shirt) and I'm so glad, we're finally doing this.
Ross: Here (gets behind her to help. When the coat comes off we see she is wearing the exact same shirt Ross is wearing. They look at each other, shocked. They abruptly put their coat back on) So this was fun! (They leave the room and head into opposite directions)
[Scene: Back at the restaurant with Joey and Sarah. Joey is holding Sarah's hands]
[Scene: Delmonico's. Ross is still waiting for his date and drinking wine. The waiter comes up to him again.]
Sarah: (tasting hers) Oh my God! (Looks at the waiter and then to Joey)
(Joey's looking at Sarah's dessert, and takes her plate.)
(Now they kiss passionately... and then Ross enters with Emma. They freeze, pull away and look at Ross who looks like he just can't believe what he's seeing. Joey straightens his shirt, and Rachel says I'm so-oo sorry, and presses her breasts together, just like Joey did before.)
(He then straightens himself, and looks at the torte)
Monica: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and its offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldnt be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go! The joke sucks!
(Chandler takes Monica's hand, and gets serious) Look, before we sign anything we really have to talk...(pause) We're not who you think we are.
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Chandler: Well, our names really are Monica and Chandler. We're from New York.
Erica: Yeah. It's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. I thought you might want to see it. (gives it to Monica, who looks at it for a long time, and then shows it to Chandler)
Chandler: I could perform an operation on you and prove it if you'd like.
Chandler: The agency must have made some mistake. My wife is not a reverend and I'm not a doctor.
Rachel: Ok, off the top of my head... Don and Janet.
Chandler: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.
Joey: Yeah, of course. I can control myself. (laughs uneasily and Sarah leaves the room)
Announcer: Knicks fans, please turn your attention to the big screen on the score board. Someone has a special question to ask. (on the screen there’s written ‘Julie, will you marry me?’ and goes on to show a guy kneeling down in front of a girl holding out a ring to her)
(They look at each other. We switch back to Monica. Chandler opens the door and she turns to look at him.)
Chandler: Okay, okay, but dont worry, because we also have cereals, muffins, waffles, and, jams, jellies, and marmalades. Which Im fairly certain are the same thing.
Joey: Yeah, and you know what? We could do a lot worse.
(they shake hands the way friends would. There's a muffin on the table, and Ross breaks off a piece and wants to put it in his mouth.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Everybody's sitting on the couch and Monica is eating a chunk of cake.]
(Joey sits sideways on his chair, looking at Sarah's chocolate torte, and then looking away from it, nervously playing with his fork, drumming with it on the table every now and then.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel and Phoebe are looking at some photos and they're sitting next to the window.]
Phoebe: Oh, hi Chandler. It's Phoebe. Uhm... I know that Monica is working today so...(back to Central Perk) ...I was wondering if you want to come to the movies with me and Rachel.
Phoebe: Ok. Quick. We gotta find a cab and follow them.
Monica: Hey! You smell like perfume and cigarettes.
Chandler: And the fireplace in the bedroom.
Joey: Come on. This guy's great. His name's Bob. He's Angela's... brother. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. Me, I go on three auditions a month and call myself an actor, but Bob is...
Chandler: And the wiggle wharms and the zip zorps? (pause) What were the things you said?
Gunther: Maybe nobody won the jackpot, but there was this guy in here earlier, and he found the ticket on the street, right outside, and won $10,000 (goes to the counter).
[Scene: An airplane cabin, Phoebe has the aisle seat, Chandler the window, and Monica's stuck in that horrible middle seat.]
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Everybody except Monica and Chandler is there.]
Ross: I know, and with the baby coming?
Phoebe: Grasp one of the linen strips by its easy grab tab and pull it off in one quick pain free motion.
Joey: Okay. Thats good. Okay, that give you a couple hours to prepare what youre gonna say. Good. Yeah. (Someone comes out of his apartment and it startles Joey again.) Dont you people ever knock?!
Joey: (walking towards her to hold her and support her) Monica, you understand what we are saying, right?
(they all look confused and sorry for her)
Chandler: Yeah (motions them to sit and they do) I'm not having an affair. Nancy is our realtor.
Phoebe: Well, look, whatever happens, we’re here for you and we love you.
Monica: (goes to Chandler) Phoebe and Rachel saw you with Nancy today and... em... they think you're having an affair.
Monica: When we found out that we're gonna get this baby, Chandler and I started talking and we decided that we didn't want to raise a kid in the city.
(pause before Monica and Chandler speak, they look like they are looking for the right words)
Ross: (to Joey) It's ok, because they have to get it out of their system, okay (back to Mon and Chan), but you're going to realize, this is the only place, you wanna be.
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
Monica: (smiling) It's so sweet. It really is. It has this big yard that leads down to this stream and then there's these old maple trees... (gets cut off)
Charlie: So I am just so excited to be here. And I can't wait to start exploring the city!
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Monica is cleaning with a vacuum and then she cleans it with a dust buster. The guys enter the room.]
Chandler: I know this is really hard and we're really sorry.
Joey: Is this because I come over here without knocking and eat your food? (Walks towards the fridge) Because I can stop doing that, (looks at the fridge) I really, really think I can!
Chandler: (goes towards Joey) You know that's not the reason Joe. (Joey hugs him and after, he takes something from the fridge and puts it in his mouth. He goes back to where he was standing before)
Monica: And about an hour ago, we made an offer.
(All the friends looked shocked and confused. There is a long silence.)
Monica: We think if you saw it, you'd understand. I mean you guys were there. (Points to Rachel and Phoebe) It is beautiful, isn't it?
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are still talking with Erica.]
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
(The door opens and Joey and Chandler ride in on the big, fake dog in triumph)
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
(Ross spots Chandler and starts chasing him around the kitchen table. Chandler runs and hides behind Monica.)
Ross: (To Chandler) I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this!
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. You know, what was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window)
Chandler: Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica.
Ross: (happily) My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this. (He hugs them both.)
Monica and Rachel: What?!
Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.
Phoebe: You’re just so mean to each other! And I don’t want to end up like that with Rachel. I still like you!