words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is taking a jar of olives out of the fridge.]
Phoebe: I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the UN and, I dont know where his country is.
Phoebe: Umm, well hes very dashing, y'know, and umm, very, very sophisticated, and he doesnt speak any English, but according to his translator, he totally gets me.
Monica: Its a globe and, a pencil sharpener.
(Phoebe puts the globe right up next to her eye to try and find the country.)
[Scene: The Xerox place, Chandler and Joey are waiting in line.]
Issac: (to Chandler and Joey) Can I help you?
Joey: Uh, y'know what, were having second thoughts about our copying needs. And well need a little more time to think about it.
Joey: Both of us? (points to Chandler and himself)
(They both start laughing. They look at each other, stop and step apart a little bit.)
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking along with the diplomat (Sergei) and his translator (Mischa).]
Phoebe: Me too. Although this city is my home, so. So thats dumb what I said, dont tell him I said that. Umm, you make something up. (Mischa does so and Sergei kisses her hand.) Nice, (to Mischa) thank you. This is me. Here.
(Sergei goes up to her at her door and says something.)
(Sergei says something and leans in to kiss her, but just as hes about to....)
Phoebe: (to Mischa) Okay, y'know what, you dont have to do that now. (Mischa translates that to Sergei) No-no-no-no!! Not him, you dont! (Mischa tells Sergei he can proceed and steps away) Well the moments over.
(Sergei says something and kisses her.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is showing Monica where Sergeis country is.]
Phoebe: Yeah. Except for, y'know when youre on a date and youre getting along really great but the guys translator keeps getting in the way.
Phoebe and Monica: Hey.
Rachel: Well, there was a disaster in shipping and Ive got to get this order in. Honey, Im so sorry, but it looks like Im gonna be here all night.
Phoebe: (to Monica) Anyway, Im going out with Sergei again tonight, and um, could you come and be the translators date? So that when we, its time for our alone time, you two could split off. Y'know, hes really, hes kinda cute.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the big couch.]
Chandler: Yeah, I-I-I think so. (Pauses and thinks about it for a second) Yeah, I-I think so...
Joey: Yeah, for sure. Okay. Probably want the first thing to be, never open your eyes. Y'know, because you dont want to be doing something and then look up and see something you dont want to be seeing.
Chandler: Yeah. Good call, nice one. Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there.... (holds his arm out and pretends to grab something with his hand.)
Joey: Yeah, I guess, but whats like heads and whats tails?
[Scene: Rachels office, Rachel and a co-worker (Sophie) are dealing with the crisis.]
Rachel: (on the phone) No, no, no, Im looking at a purchase order right here and it clearly states that we ordered the Rivera bikini in a variety of sizes and colours. And.... (listens) What does it matter, what Im wearing?! Can I please speak to your supervisor? (listens) Thank you. (to Sophie) Were holding.
Rachel: Well, let me just check that with what I got here, all right see 038 is not the number for (Ross starts making a lot of noise with a handheld pepper grinder) this store, 038 is Atlanta. And I...(stops and looks at Ross)
Rachel: Im sorry, as I was saying the store number is wrong, and Im sorry but thats... (notices a fire that Rosss candle has started) Oh my God!!
(Ross starts to pack up the picnic in anger, and throws a three hole punch in the basket.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is eating the picnic as Rachel comes home from work.]
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And Im happy for ya, but Im tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I dont know what to do anymore.
Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, youre, youre, youre making this too hard.
[Scene: The Philly, Chandler and Joey are talking to Chloe.]
Chloe: And the advances in collating in the past five years, I mean we just got in an X-5000, y'know. The X-5000 makes the X-50 look like a T-71.
Chloe: I want you to met some friends of mine. (Introduces him to Chandler and Joey) This guy is my hero, he comes in with some stuff he wants it blown up 400%, we said we dont do that, and he says you gotta. And y'know what, we did it. And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say lets Ross it!
Chandler: And thats the only colour that comes in.
(Chandler and Joey stare at each other in shock.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Phoebe are on their dates with Sergei and Mischa.]
Monica: Oh, and I can also speak a little French. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? (Mischa laughs) Why? What did I say?
Phoebe: (laughing and banging her spoon on the table) Knock, knock, knock, knock, hi. Um, could you please tell Sergei that um, I was fascinated by what Boutros Boutros Gali said in the New York Times.
(Mischa does so, and Sergei complements Phoebe, and says it slowly)
Phoebe: Yeah but, Mischa is so interested in you, that Sergei and I havent been able to say two words to each other.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is lying in front of the bay window, and the phone rings.]
Mark: All right, all right, Im coming over, and Im bringing Chinese food.
Chandler: Hey, no way! Come on, this is you guys, call her and work it out.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Mark is there, opening Chinese food boxes.]
Rachel: Oh, and then, we got into this big, stupid fight. I just, it was awful. I told him he treats me like a park ranger, or something, oh and then I told him I wanted to take a break, I dont want to take a break.
Rachel: No. (grabs an eggroll) And then I called him, and he wasnt there.
(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)
Ross: Yeah! Got it! (slams the phone down, and walks back to the bar.)
Mischa: (to Monica) And the vet said it was time. And so from half a world away, while my Mother held the phone to his ear, I said good bye to my dog,. In seven languages.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, sure. I just hope you, hope you dont accidentally suck it up through your nose and choke on it.
(Sergei insults Mischa, and they get into a huge fight, in Russian.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is next to the bay window again, Mark has left.]
Rachel: (picks up the phone and calls Ross) Oh, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home. Be home. Be home, be home, be home. Oh, youre not home.
(She kisses him. Ross leans back for a second, and then they both kiss, more passionately this time as U2's With or Without You plays in the background.)
(Both Phoebe and him are singing along and they get to the chorus.)
(They start singing, and Phoebe covers her mouth at the American part.)
Sergei: (to the rest of Central Perk) Everybody!! (In his language, and continues.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the same scene is continued from before the break. With Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler sitting on the couch.]
(Rachel and Chandler slide into position.)
Joey: Thats so sweet. (pause) Im gonna get some coffee. (gets up and leaves)
Monica: (sliding into Joeys place on the couch to try and talk to Phoebe) Huh? Whatd ya say Joe? Ill be right there. (gets up and joins Joey)
(They both get up and leave Phoebe alone.)
ROSS: Yes. [pulls them off and hands them to Mr. Greene] I was just warming up the earpieces for you.
Monica: (running from the bathroom to her room, wearing only a towel) Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! (gets to her room and closes the door, as Rachel gets up to answer the door.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading at the kitchen table as there is a knock on the door.]
Chandler: Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails.
(Joey jumps up in excitement and without turning around Chandler holds out his hand stopping him, and ushering him back into his seat. Joey sits down, dejected.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is eating breakfast as Chandler comes out of his bedroom, ripping his coat in the process.]
Chandler: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke hed ever heard.
Joey: Oh yeah! I got in there myself once. My roommate bet me five bucks that I couldnt, and then he stuck a board through the handles that locked me in. Yeah. It was funny til I started feeling like I was in a coffin.
Ross: Well w-w-w-w-wait, w-wait, wait, wait a minute! I mean a couple of stupid boxes get wet and she gets a Porsche?!
Monica: Umm, I just wanna say, uh (reads from a 3 X 5 card) that with a pinch of exictement, a dash of hard work, a dollup of cooperation, we can have the recipe... (Looks up and sees eveyone glaring at her) Are you gonna kill me?
Joey: Okay. (he gets in the unit and closes the door) See?! I told ya!
Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joeys apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Phoebe: Yes, and it is my dying wish to have that ring. See, if Im not buried with that ring then my spirit is going to wander the nether world for all eternity
Monica: And that's Pete's Mom.
Joey: (approvingly) Oh! ok, yeah, I think I can do that. Yeah ok, there's this party scene coming up.. and Olivia and her husband are there and all Drake wants to do is grab her and kiss her, but he can't... And that makes me think about all those times when I wanted to grab you and kiss you, but you didn't know so I would just pretend everything was cool, but really, it was killing me.
[Scene: Dots Spot, Chip and Monica are on there date, eating dinner. Chip is telling a story.]
Chandler: What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!!
[Cut to someone entering Central Perk which lets a cat in. The cat then runs over to Phoebes guitar case and starts sniffing around.]
Spokeswoman: And the man who made all this possible... Mr. Peter Becker.
Chip: Oh, like Id give up that job! Free popcorn and candy, anytime I want. I can get you free posters for your room.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rachel, Phoebe, and Julio are consoling Joey and Chandler.]
Chandler: Oh, umm, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed!!
Phoebe: (she turns around and puts the cat on the entertainment center) Ross, how many parents have you lost?
Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel: Thats a good call. Right.
Rachel: (checks her watch) Fifty-two minutes. (Pause) So no-no brothers and sisters, huh? That must be nice. You dont have to share stuff.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the door carrying an outdoor patio table.]
Phoebe: Well, you're not, (she tries to smile and contain her anger, but loses it) You're not... you're not... again, you're not SPEAKING FRENCH!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
Joey: Uh-huh. This and a bunch of bubble wrap. And, some of it is not even popped!
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joeys bedroom.)
MICH: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading the paper and Chandler is getting ready for work.]
Joey's Date: Ew, yknow what? One time I saw this guy from behind and he seemed like a totally normal guy and then he turned around and it was Stephan Baldwin!
FBOB: I needed to buy a hammer the other night, and I'm out walkin' around the neighborhood but apparently there are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.
Phoebe: Wow! And hey, its cool if youre a lesbian! (Gives her a thumbs up)
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. Ill cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
[Cut to Monica and Rachels apartment, all are there.]
Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: Oh yeah, I totally agree.
[Scene: The delivery room, everyone except Rachel is there. Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are holding the babies.]
[Scene: The Gellers Kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are still cooking.]
[Cut to Monica and Rachels, theyre all there playing cards.]
Phoebe: Okay, dont panic. Im gonna go to the store, Im gonna get you another set of nails, no ones gonna know, and youre gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, its cause theyre gonna eatthats the problem.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is scrapping gum off the table as there is a knock on the door. He goes over and opens it.]
Phoebe: And! Whoever finds it wins the prize!
[Scene: The beach house, Chandler is simulating hes coming to pick up Monica for a date. Chandler knocks on the door, and Monica answers it.]
Monica: (interrupting) No! You have lasagnas! (Storms out and an awkward silence follows.)
Chandler: Okay. But if you dont come back soon, (She leaves and closes the door) theres pretty much nothing I can do about it!
Luisa: (Out of shot) Here, monkey. Here, monkey! Here, monkey! (Marcel runs to the door and into Luisa's cage, which she slams shut) Gotcha.
Joanna: Oh great! Ill keep it in my butt with your nose. (She grabs the cookie and walks out.)
(Rachel and Sophie both back out and close the door without saying anything.
[Scene: The beach house, Phoebe is coming down the stairs all packed and ready to go.]
Rachel: When she sees that youre gone, shes gonna know that I let you out, and that I was in here, and Im gonna get fired!
The Salesman: And?
(She exits and Phoebe goes over and sits down at the machine that works your shoulders and tries to do one, which she does, easily.)
Phoebe: Okay, umm, if a kid gets straight As, his parents would say, "Yeah, he pulled a Monica." Y'know? Or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, "Yeah I know, he pulled a Monica." Or someone hits a homerun and the announcer says, "Yeah, that ones outta here." Though some things dont change.
Phoebe: No but, why does that have to be a bad thing. Just change what it means. Y'know? Go down there and prove your Mother wrong. Finish the job you were hired to do, and well call that pulling a Monica.
Chandler: Hey, look, youre in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, shes gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
Phoebe: Wow! My breasts are really strong. (She goes and joins Monica.)
(They both continue on and Ross meows like a cat.)
(She closes the door and puts his tie into his mouth as a gag.)
Chandler: Im gonna say this for the last time. Would you please just (He moves his arm which opens the drawer and hits in the back of the head, which proves his point.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is now reading the V book, with the salesman watching.]
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are still negotiating.]
Joey: And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be Chandlers pants.
Rachel: I ah, will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.
Rachel: And the fact that you were jeopardising my career never entered your mind?!
Phoebe: Hello, tiny embryos. Well, Im-Im Phoebe Buffay, hi! Im-Im-Im hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know, that were doing this for Frank and Alice, who you know, youve been there! Umm, yknow they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on. Okay, and-and I promise that Ill keep you safe and warm until youre ready to have them take you home, so Oh! And also, umm next time you see me, Im screaming, dont worry, thats whats supposed to happen.
Monica: And you?
Rachel: Oh, I called them. And when they ask me what I saw, I can be very generous (Holds her hands far apart) or very (In a high pitched voice) stingy.
Monica: So if everyone liked it, and you liked it, that would make this a success. Which would make you
Joey, Rachel, and Ross: Hey!
(She motions for them to come closer, they lean in and she whispers what Rachel told her. The guys both lean back laughing.]
Mrs. Geller: Yes, well I was wrong, and I have to say you really impressed me today.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is there as Monica enters carrying a huge stack of newspapers.]
Woman At The Wedding: Oh! Of course. (Ross and Chandler pose and she takes the picture.)
(She goes back and forth, not sure what to do first, put the bagel down or grab the key. She finally puts the bagel down and grabs the key and goes over to unlock Joanna.)
Chandler: 99...100! Ready or not, here I come! (He opens his eyes and sees that the chick and the duck are still sitting in front of him) All right, let's go over the concept one more time.
Joey: How about zero down and zero a month for a long, long time?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is there eating breakfast. Chandler is cleaning out his wallet.]
Rachel: Well, I thought you liked doing it. (Rachel starts out the door and stops.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the game is coming to a close.]
[Cut to Monica and Rachels apartment as Rachel returns in tears.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Continued from earlier, Rachel is now telling everyone of her experience in the garbage room.]
Monica: God! If youre gonna cry about it! (She grabs the box and goes to through it out.]
Joey: Hey, wouldn't be cool if our duck and chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
Joey: (in a very aaaaahhhhh sweeeeeet voice) Aaahhh, look at you two... holding hands... huh is this getting serious? (Phoebe and Mike, embarrassed, start babbling and look away.) Have you not talked about it yet? (They say nothing now, but smile) Am I making you uncomfortable? (smiles are becoming forced now, and he speaks to Mike) If you were bigger you'd hit me, huh...? Aaaaaahhhhhh (he turns away to the bar)
Joey: Im gonna go down there and teach that guy a lesson.
Ross: Wait a minute, is it because Joey and I didnt invite him to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering carry a large box, Monica is mopping the ceiling.]
[Scene: Treegers apartment, Joey knocks on the door and Treeger opens it.]
Ross: You need me to go down there with you and hold your hand?
Mr. Treeger:: And tell him what?
Rachel: What did you get her? (Joey opens up a rectangular black box and holds up a pen.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, everyone is still eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: Yeah, well, everybody does! Im a really cool person. And y'know you had 29 years to find that out, but you didnt even try! Y'know what, you walked out on me, and Im just, Im gonna do the same thing to you.