words in movies
Phoebe: Okay. (They shake hands and she pulls away suddenly) Oh my God! What did I ever do to you?! (Rubbing her hand.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the window waving at Ross.]
Joey: That's right Ross, I can see you in your new apartment! And you can see me! Same as yesterday, (To Monica) same as the day before.
(We see Ross through the window and he acts like a swimmer that gets attacked by a shark, picture one of the many, many, many Jaws movies they made and you get the idea.)
Joey: (waving) Very funny Ross! Very life-like and funny. Okay. (Notices that a woman is waving back.) Oh no-no-no, I wasn't waving at you lady. (She just stares at him.) (Joey sees how beautiful she is.) Whoa, maybe I was! Hey, Monica, this totally hot girl in Ross's building is flirting with me.
Joey: Yeah, I-I-I'm down with that. (He turns back to the woman.) Okay, here goes. (Thinks.) How (Holds up his hand like an Indian) you (Points at her) a-doin'? (Does a little twisting motion with both hands and ends up pointing at her, he then winks. She smiles and waves again.) (To Monica) It worked! She's waving me over. (Towards the woman.) Okay, I-I-I'll be right over. Let's see, she's on the third floor
Joey: Tell me about it, huh? (Realizes that she can see Monica.) Oh no-no-no, I'm not with her, she's just Monica! (He pantomimes that out.) Ewwuck! (He pushes Monica away and makes a disgusted face.)
[Scene: Ross's Building, Joey is trying to find the hot girl's apartment. So he's walking up the hallway counting doors. He comes to what he thinks is the right one and knocks on it. Ross opens the door, it's his apartment.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering again.]
Joey: I ended up at Ross's place. Oh, I musta missed counted or something. (Looks out the window.) Damn! She's not there anymore. Oh, l-l-look, Ross is doing his 'Watching TV' bit. (We see Ross sitting on the couch and flipping through the channels on his remote.)
(It's only when the camera cuts to Ross's apartment that we see that the TV is turned off and Ross is indeed doing a bit. He then tries to hide his smirk.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day, Gary is kissing Phoebe good-bye.]
Phoebe: So-so how long did that last for you and Chandler?
Monica: Oh no, it is okay, I mean as long as you know that Chandler and I are also very hot and fiery, just as hot as you! I mean our flame, whew, is on fire!
Monica: You are so cute. (She goes over and kisses him passionately.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler and Joey are there as Rachel returns from her interview.]
Joey: Did you tell the guy you wanted to have sex with his wife and then fall right out of your chair?
Rachel: Ugh, it was horrible! And-and the interview part went so well, y'know? I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets!" (She starts laughing; Chandler and Joey are not amused.) Trust me, it was actually, it was very funny. Anyway, so we were saying good-bye and ugh!
Rachel: (We see a flashback as Rachel describes what happened.) All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh (The flashback shows that she kissed him on the cheek.)
Rachel: I accidentally kissed him in the interview, and now he wants me back y'know of course, 'cause "Let's bring the girl back who kisses everybody!"
Joey: Oh Rachel look, don't say that, I think you just need a hug from Joey. Come on. Come on. (She hugs him and Joey looks out the window.) She's back! Hot girl's back!
Joey: No, in Ross's building! (He throws Rachel onto the chair and heads to the window.) She's back! She's back! (Pantomimes) Okay, wait there, I'll be over in a second. (He counts where she is again.) Got it! (Runs out and does a little hot over a chair.)
Chandler: I gotta check out this hot girl! (He heads to the window but realizes something, stops, turns and points at Monica.) There she is! (He dances over to her and kisses her.)
Ross: Yes. I lived with you guys for a while and then I found this place. (Joey just stares at him) I'm Ross.
(Joey makes a frustrated face and noise and walks away. He knocks on the next door and it's answered by an old man.)
Joey: Yeah. Sorry about that. (He walks away and knocks on the next door which is answered by a little girl.) Oh, hey little girl. Uhh, is-is your mommy, or sister, or babysitter by any chance a hot girl?
Joey: Later! (He runs away down the hall and hides behind a corner to a whole other corridor.) Oh man! (Walks down the hallway in desperation.) Hot girl! Hot girl!!
Rachel: (stopping him) Wh-whoa! All right, okay-okay, I see, I see what's going on here! Now listen, look-look, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead! Now even though I (He tries to interrupt and tell her about the ink), hey-hey-hey, even though I kissed you, that does not give you the right to demand sex from me. I do not want, this job that bad. Good day, sir. (She storms out of his office.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is returning from her interview attempt.]
(Joey, Monica, and Ross all point to their lips to get Rachel to once again notice the ink on her lip.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Gary and Chandler and Monica are all there.]
Chandler: Oh, what can happen? I mean, would you (He gestures and spills some of his coffee.)
Monica: (That annoying competitiveness thing kicks in again, what the heck is that with her and why must the writers show it every flippin' episode?!) Oh, we're not seeing a movie!
Monica: Oh umm, that's because I just wanted to y'know walk in on me and Chandler while we were, y'know, doing it all night. Will you excuse me for just a second?
Monica: Okay. (She gets up and walks over to Chandler.) Chandler? Can I see you for a second?
Monica: 'Cause, Gary and Phoebe think they're a hotter couple than we are!
Monica: So! So we've got to go upstairs and have a lot of sex to prove them wrong!
Chandler: Monica, you have got to stop this competitive thing! Okay? It's crazy. {Finally! The voice of reason.} I mean, just impress Gary and Phoebe we have to go upstairs and have sex over and over and I'm saying no to this, why? Get your coat.
[Scene: The lobby in Ross's building, we see a flyer that is on the bulletin board that reads, "Are you the Hot Girl who waved at me? If so, give me a call!" and it's signed, Joey 629-9*** (The last couple of numbers have been ripped off). Anyhoo, Ross is getting his mail.]
The Man: (To Ross) Excuse me. (He puts up a flyer that has a sketch drawing of Joey and it reads, "Warning! Intruder! If you see this creep - call the cops!") You should check this out, tell the other tenants. Apparently he's running around looking for some kind of a hot girl.
(After she's left, Ross gets really happy and starts kissing the card. Suddenly, she returns.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, a post-coital Monica and Chandler are recovering on the couch.]
Monica: Phoebe and Gary are so gonna hear about this at dinner.
Monica: No, those first two windows, (Points) that's the lobby. And y'know the other one over there, that's the stairway. You've been counting wrong.
[Scene: Mr. Zelner's office, Rachel has come back again to try and do that second interview.]
Rachel: (looks around for the camera) Okay. Umm, well, first I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you and uh, for yelling at you.
Rachel: Now you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not ah, (She puts her hands on his desk blotter and he moves it. Rachel then doesn't know where to put her hands.) who did, who did not umm, yell at you and storm out, and I think that's a big mistake and here's why. I made a huge fool of myself and I came back, that shows courage. When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no. That shows integrity. And, I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage. (Suddenly realizes that she said courage twice.) Okay umm, now I know I already said courage, but y'know you gotta have courage. And umm, and finally when I thought you were making sexual advances in the workplace, I said no and I was not litigious. {By the way, litigious means to want to litigate and litigate is to make a lawsuit against. So she didn't want to sue him. Don't worry, I had to look it up too.} So there you go, you got, you got (counts them off with her fingers) courage, you got integrity, you got (Pause) courage again, and not litigious. Look Mr
Rachel: Zelner! Right! I knew that! I really, really want this job and I think, I think I would be really good at it.
Rachel: Okay, well then how about a handshake? (She goes to shake his hand but misses and touches his groin.) Oh God I'm sorry! Oh God, I'm sorry! I did not mean to touch thatI mean you there. There. Uhh, okay, so thank-thank you, I'm going to leave now thank you very much uh-huh, thank you soHey! I'll see you Monday! (Exits.)
[Scene: A restaurant, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Gary are on a double date. Chandler is yawning.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, it's so cool. (He opens his coat and has it pinned to the lining.) Now I gotta go, Officer Bing has gotta, 10-100. (Pause, softly) That's pee-pee. (Heads for the bathroom.)
Gary: Yeah, we took a little stroll in the park and no one was around, so
Monica: I hear ya. Excuse me for just a second! (Gets up and heads for the bathroom as that annoying Gotta-win-at-all-costs-super-competitive thing kicks in again.)
Chandler: No. And if I did, I don't think we'd be going out. Monica, this is getting ridiculous!
Monica: Because Phoebe and Gary are in that-can't-keep-their-hands-off-each-other-doing-it-in-the-park phase!
Chandler: Yeah! I've never been in a relationship that's lasted this long before. Y'know to get past the beginning and still be around each other all the time, I think that's pretty incredible. And the fact that this is happening all with you, yeah I think that's pretty exciting. (Kisses her.)
Chandler: Little?! You freaked out big time! Okay? And I fixed it! We have switched places! I am the relationship and king and you are the crazy, irrational screw up! (Does a dance of joy.) (Monica glares at him.) And now we're back.
[Cut to the inside of Monica and Rachel's apartment, Monica and Rachel are sitting at the table.]
Rachel: Yeah! Oh by the way, thank you for loaning us Pamela and Yasmine.
(We see through the big window from the outside and see that Monica and Rachel have pictures of their faces pasted onto cardboard cutouts of Pamela Anderson and Yasmine Bleeth wearing their Baywatch swimsuits.)
Ross: (from his apartment) Man! They cannot get enough! (Makes like he's a robot and waves at the cutouts.)
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is coming up the stairs and sees Chandler trying to open the lock.]
Chandler: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Jill gives him a stick of gum, and a strange look) 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are cuddling on the couch.]
Phoebe: Well then youd better hurry! The Angelica! Go! Go! (Bangs on the roof again and off they go.)
Ross: Well, apparently not, and I cant just stand by and watch two people I care about very much be hurt over something that is so silly. I mean, enough of the silliness!
Phoebe: Good. (After he leaves, she puts on Joey's gladiator helmet and checks herself out in the mirror) I should really start wearing hats!
Chandler: No, no, I keep trying, yknow? I can get out, "Joey, I have too " but then I lose my nerve and I always finish with, " go to the bathroom." He may think Im sick.
Chandler: Look, I-Im just gonna be right across the hall and I promise you, the minute Monica and I break up Im moving right back in with you!
Joey: Yeah, I gotta go! I got an acting job. (Turns towards the door, pauses, and turns back.) Like youd believe that. This sucks!
[Scene: The Craps Table, Monica is still on her roll, only this time Chandler's with her and she has a huge crowd of people around.]
Monica: No! Chandler and I are moving in together!
Monica: Well umm, Chandler and I are moving in together.
Rachel: Yeah but-but-but you liked me! Oh my God, I cant believe this, all this time, I liked you and you liked me!
Phoebe: Ross, youre being ridiculous! Okay? You are cute and smart and sweet and that is much more important than three stupid divorces!
Cynthia: Oh, candles! (Notices something.) What is that? A blanket? A video camera? Oh my God! (As she storms out, Rachel returns and overhears the conversation.)
Chandler: Well, why dont you tell her to stop being silly! (Monica mocks him and he joins in.)
Ross: And if you wait right here, Ill go get Ross. (Phoebe grabs his arm and prevents him from escaping.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is pacing anxiously waiting for Rachel.]
Monica: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and shes the only one left!
Chandler: Well, I-I still think youre very-very nice and very pretty
Rachel: Ugh, the worse day! Yknow, you think youre making progress at work and then your boss calls you Raquel.
Monica: Have a seat. (They sit at the table.) Okay, listen umm, Chandler and I are going to live together, here.
[Scene: The smoker's balcony, Rachel, Kim, and Nancy are all puffing away on their cancer sticks.]
Rachel: And that was so sweet of you to ask! Oh my God, the three of us are gonna have such a good time living together!
Ross: (stopping them) Okay-okay! Two very good points, look Ive known you both a long time, and Ive never seen either of you one/millionth as happy as youve been since youve got together. Do you really want to throw that all away over a room? That is so silly. Now wh-what is more important, love or silliness?
Rachel: Ohh! This is so exciting! Oh God (Gasps and starts to sing) Come and knock on my door
Rachel: Well obviously I wont be able to come, for those of you who havent checked their calendars today is my due date. Well yknow, I just want to take a moment and thank you guys for how great youve been during this time. I really couldnt have done it without you. And I have loved these last nine months! And even though I am so looking forward to the next part, I am really gonna miss being pregnant.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is there. Monica is watching stock prices on a business channel.]
(They putting their notepads down and get up to leave.)
Phoebe: Yes, and now hes using this three divorces reason because he wants to stay married to her because he loves her. I must say, "Well done!" Bravo Meg.
Rachel: Okay. (Sits back and resumes her reading.)
Monica: Oh no sweetie, no! This is my fault, I wasnt clear! Im really sorry. And listen, you take as much time as you need to move out okay? Theres absolutely no rush.
Monica: Umm, when I said that uh, that Chandler and I wanted to umm, live together we meant alone together.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is packing some books and Joey is watching him.]
Joey: God, its gonna so weird like when I come home and youre not here. Yknow? No more Joey and Chans. No more J and Cs. "You wanna go over to Joey and Chandlers?" "Cant, its not there."
Chandler: And youre upset because you didnt make your best friend cry?
[Scene: Rosss lawyers office, his name is Russell and has just been told by Ross about his current situation.]
Ross: Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas and we got drunk
Actor: (Very melodramatically, and very badly) Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is painting her toe nails as Monica enters.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Housekeeper: Miss Waltham, is at the rehearsal dinner and its not polite to make fun of people. Goodbye.
Russell: Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never had I so much business from one client. Why dont you tell me what happened.
Ross: And Mon, you wanna live with Chandler, dont ya?
Phoebe: (to Joey and Chandler) Okay, bye!
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandlers.]
[Cut to Monica and Rachels as Ross walks through the door. Rachel is holding the chrome star and crying.]
Rachel: Monica and Chandler are really moving in here and I have to move out and everything is changing.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are talking.]
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on, I can handle Ross. (They go to the door. Ross is trying to stick his hand through and undo the chain; Monica pushes his hand back.) (To Ross) Hold on! (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?
Rachel: Well yknow, its you guys. You-you do this kind of stuff! Yknow? I mean, you-you were gonna get married in Vegas and then you backed out! I guess Im not upset because I dont see you guys going through with it. Im sorry.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Chandler enters.]
Phoebe: But then we ditch those two and thats when we get married. Well have Chandlers money and Rachels kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachels drinking problem.
Phoebe: I dont want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him.
Phoebe: I know. Then, Im gonna marry Chandler for the money and youll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.
Joey: Yeah but we wont be able to like get up in the middle of the night and have those long talks about our feelings and the future.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is reading a magazine, eating a cookie, and drinking some coffee as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Yeah, Professor and Mrs.
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah, yknow you and Ross are still married.
Rachel: And Mrs.?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe, back to reality, are sitting in normal clothes.]
Phoebe: Oh, theres a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming from across the hall.]
Chandler: Nothing, Monica and I had a stupid fight.
Ross: Youre never gonna believe it uh, Monica and Chandler are moving in again. Thats great news rightI mean for them. Right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are all there as Phoebe enters dejectedly.]
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
Ross: Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into "
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash. Basically, the music sucks.)
Joey: So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe enters to find Rachel still packing.]
Rachel: Yes, so close. Mrs. Lynch, I know that this is an emotional and difficult time, for all of us. But by any chance did Joanna send any paperwork your way before it happened.
Monica: No-no, I-I just, I liked them so much that I went out and bought some for myself.
Joshua: You okay? (Rachel swallowed it whole and is not hacking like a heavy smoker in the morning.) You all right? (Rachel walks away, coughing.)
Rachel: Okay. Uhh, Ross, y'know what, there's something that I-that I have to talk to you about and everybody's saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I think they're wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong.
Ross: It went great! And I didnt need any jokes or naked chicks either!
Phoebe: Yeah, thanks. And listen, can you do me a favor? Could you just umm, wake me up in a couple hours, yknow if you can.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Joey: (in obvious pain) Hey! So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow and Ill have my health insurance back in no time.
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
Chandler: (entering from his room carrying a fire extinguisher and wearing oven mitts) Oh yeah, it's great! See you take a tennis ball, a bowl, and some lighter fluidOp! Op! (He puts out a small fire which has re-ignited in his room.)
Monica: Yeah, but yknow we could sneak in and watch.
Joey: Well because you didn't give me advice! No! You gave me a pickup line! As soon as I told her I wanted to y'know, build a foundation and be friends first. I suddenly, through no fault of my own, became irresistible to her! (Pause) And her roommate!
Rachel: Yeah, and not a very good one.
(They turn back to Rachel and Professor Rathman.)
Chandler: I will loan you the money. Just go to the hospital and lets just get that thing pushed back in.
Joey: Ooh, like the time you and I went to Atlantic City and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak?! Remember?
Phoebe: No-no, itll be fun! We can come back and we can haunt these guys!
Joey: Yeah, why dont you move in with me? Itll be great! We could stay up late, watch movies, and you know about Naked Thursdays right?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Baywatch with the baby chick. Hes on one leather chair, the chick is on the other. Its watching Yasmine Bleeth run and is chirping.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are playing phone pranks on Ross.]
Chandler: No, not us (Motions Joey and him.) Us! (Motions Monica and him.)
(Joey pulls his hand out and reverts back to intense pain.)
(Rachel mumbles uh-huh and spits the half-eaten cookie out onto the tissue.)
Joey: Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower.
[Scene: The Wedding reception, Ross and Emily are in the bathroom and Emily is yelling at him. Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are standing outside the doorway.]
Joey: Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, the scene is continued from earlier, only Ross has dismissed the class and is now talking to Monica and Rachel.]
The Director: And Action!