words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Joey is working.]
Joey: All right, look Im sorry you guys, but its just that I gotta get these new head shots made. And theyre really expensive, yknow? Im down to like three! Well, actually two cause one of em I kinda blackened in some teethWhy did I do that?! (Hits himself in the head.)
Phoebe: Or, yknow, I used to beg for money. Of course it helps if youve got yknow a little of this (she sticks her chest out and shakes it) goin on. Wow! I still have it!
Gunther: That guy (points) has been waiting for his coffee for ten minutes! Hes complained about you three times! (He hands the coffee cup to Joey, assuming that Joey will deliver it and walks away.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is there as Phoebe and Rachel enter wearing workout clothes.]
Rachel: What? You wanna see me self-defend myself?! Go over there (points) and pretend youre a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!!
Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, thats not enough. Look, I studying kara-tay for a long time, and theres a concept you should really be familiar with. Its what the Japanese call (he holds two fingers up to his temple, and he does this every time he says this word) unagi.
(Rachel laughs and Ross mocks her.)
Ross: (moves closer) All Im saying is, its one thing being prepared for an attack against like each other; whole another story being prepared for an attack, I dont know, like a (turns and puts his face close to Rachels and screams) surprise!!
Joey: And of course, crotchless panties.
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Joey: You cant make crotchless panties? You take, you take a pair of scissors and you just cut
Phoebe: Ohh! I have! I have! I started making these little sock bunnies! (She takes out a sock thats been made into a bunny with eyes, nose, mouth, whiskers, and two other socks sown onto it for ears.) Oh for crying out loud!
Phoebe: Now, its you little bunny friend. (She sticks it in Rachels face and they both laugh.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is desperately trying to make his Valentines Day gift. He takes a paper cup, turns it upside down, sticks two pencils into the top, and hangs a coat hanger from the bottom.]
Chandler: Of course, of course not. I just have to uh, go over to the place where I-I made it and pick-pick it up.
Monica: Okay. (They kiss.) Okay, I cant wait! This is going to be the best Valentines Day ever! (Chandler giggles and exits.) I cant believe it! Make the presents! Make the presents!
Monica: Im just so excited to make the presents! (Chandler does another sarcastic/scared laugh and leaves.) Shoot!
Joey: (to the receptionist) Hi uh, Im Joey Tribbiani and with all do respect Id like to donate some fluids.
Receptionist: We already got the results back on that on, and theyre not good. (Joey beats a hasty retreat.)
[Scene: The Hallway between the Apartments, Ross is hiding behind that bump out on Monicas side waiting for Phoebe and Rachel. As they come up the stairs, he jumps out and yells ]
(They both scream and jump away.)
Ross: Im sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but Ilook, I just want you guys to be safe. (Monica comes out to throw out the garbage and Ross screams ) DANGER!!!!! (She completely ignores him and keeps walking.) Ahhh, huh? Unagi.
[Scene: Cole-Geddes Casting Agency, Joey is there on his audition and thinking about that 2,000 bucks for the twins study.]
Joey: (in his head) 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? (The camera widens its shot to reveal a room full of Joey look-a-likes. Joey looks at the guy next to him and then back at his script.)
Ross: Yeah-yeah, except Apollo 8 didnt actually land on the moon. But you-you-you could write that umm, your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely. (Apollo 8 was the first one that orbited the moon and the one that read the Christmas Story from the orbit of the moon on Christmas Eve, 1968. They also took the famous Earthrise picture of the Earth rising over the moon.)
Chandler: Because it says "Captain Ross" on the side and "I hate Monica" on the bottom.
(Chandler leaves dejectedly. When the door closes Rachel and Phoebe jump out from behind the curtains and scream )
Phoebe and Rachel: DANGER!!!!!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, hes still trying to figure out what to make Monica.]
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if hes giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I cant do it. I cant do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)
Monica: Okay! (She takes her present for him and they move over to sit on the couch.)
Chandler: (momentarily terrified) Maybe well have to listen and see!
Monica: No! No, she doesnt. Uh Phoebe, what she makesthats uhtheyre sock rabbits. They are completely differentOkay! Okay! Okay! I didnt make it! Im sorry! I totally forgot about tonight and the fact that were supposed to make the presents!
Monica: No-no, its not okay! Its not! I mean you were just Youre so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Yknow Im just gonnaI, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and I am going to do anything you want in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, they are relaxing in sexual bliss.]
Chandler: You are totally and completely 100% forgiven.
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it off his hand and throws it behind the night-stand.)
Monica: I wanna wake up early and go get it for you!
(They both get out of bed and go get some cake.)
(As they approach the kitchen, the door opens and in walks in a Joey look-a-like.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are returning.]
(They start to walk into the living room and notice someones head sticking up from behind a chair. The camera cuts to the other side and we see its Ross.)
[Time lapse. The girls have Ross pinned face down. Phoebe is sitting on his back and arms while holding his head down and facing Rachel. Rachel is sitting on his knees and holding his lower legs vertically, causing Ross pain.]
(Rachel yanks on his legs again and he groans in pain.)
[Scene: The Medical Research office, Joey is there with Carl in the waiting room. Two identical twins come out and both wave by at the same time.]
Joey: Thats right! And what are you not gonna do?
Joey: (gets very angry) Damnit Carl! (Carl goes to say something more, and Joey silences him with a grunt.)
The Doctor: (entering) (To the receptionist) Can I have the next one please? (Takes the form.) Joey and Tony Tribbiani. (Joey and Carl stand up.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is getting ready for Chandlers arrival. He enters and finds the place lit with candles and dinner on the table.]
Monica: Hey! Continuing the countdown of your favorite meals. Tonight, No. 3, macaroni and cheese with cut up hot dogs.
(Monica pushes play and The Way You Look Tonight starts to play.)
(Suddenly, a strange and familiar voice comes out of the tape player. Heres a hint, OH MY GAWD!! Thats right, its Janice!)
Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) Thats why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!
The Instructor: Okay ladies, that ends todays class, and lets remember, lets be safe out there.
(The women all clap and start to leave as Ross comes up to the instructor. Apparently he was hiding in the back.)
Ross: Yeah, yeah, I was watching. (The instructor just nods and walks away.) Umm, hey, a couple of questions though. Umm, about that-that-that last move where the woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor, what-what-what-what would you do next?
The Instructor: Well, she would take her keys and try to jam them
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is trying to explain himself to Monica.]
Chandler: And I will cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and do anything in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
Monica: (pointing to the kitchen) Yeah you will! (Points to the bedroom) And, are you kiddin me?!
(Monica breaks the hug and starts for the bedroom.)
Monica: I am!! (Enter her room and closes the door behind her.)
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk, Ross is walking up and sees two women that look like Phoebe and Rachel from behind.]
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting up by the window because two guys have their couch.]
(Ross appears at the window behind them crouched behind a garbage can and ready to spring his attack on who he thinks are Phoebe and Rachel. The camera cuts to the exterior view and Phoebe and Rachel call the shots from inside.)
(Ross starts to scream and run away. He stops in front of the window of Central Perk to check the pursuit and notices Phoebe and Rachel inside looking at him. He mouths, "What?" Then realizes that the women he attacked are closing in so he screams and runs away.)
Ross: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.
[Time lapse, all three girls are now wearing wedding dresses, eating popcorn, drinking beer, and watching TV.]
[Scene: The beach house, its still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monicas nails, and theyre all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]
Ross: I wonder how I would react under fire, y'know? And not backfire but-but heavy fire, like I was in a war or something.
(He shifts on the couch and a ripping sound emanates from his lower regions, the sound reminds one of a brief explosion of gas. In other words, it sounds like he farted. She has a look of horrific wonderment, wondering "Did he just fart?")
[Cut to Gary and Monica at the counter.]
(Monica leaves and Chandler moves to talk to Phoebe.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Gary, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there.]
Ross: Umm, jealous! (He drops the cherry and it turns on.)
Monica: I swear, I promise. I promise. Oh my God, I'm so excited! {And I just can't hide it! I'm about to lose control and I think I like it! Sorry, just couldn't resist it.} All right, listen let me tell you, do not get her flowers. Okay? Because y'know, she cries when they die, and there's the whole funeral
Ross: And she just gave you this?
Chandler: (To Phoebe, behind Monica's back) Still terrified, I'll take care of it. No problem. (When Monica turns back he smiles and kisses her, when she turns away he nods that he'll do it to Phoebe.)
Monica: That is so sweet! (She kisses him and turns to add some sugar to her tea.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are playing catch with a little foam globe.]
Chandler: Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back! (Tries to pantomime it for her.) Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you. (Pause.) So, you're old and small.
(They start shaking the chair likes its flying into outer space. Ross picks up a soccer ball and starts spinning it in his hand and runs around the chair beeping like a satellite. Chandler also starts running around the chair and saying...)
Joey and Ross: No.
Ross: (he catches the ball and pauses, staring at Joey in disbelief) Also an island.
Rachel: All right listen umm, I just bought something I'm not sure she's gonna like it, and it's gonna seem a little crazy, but this is something that I wanted since I was a little girl.
Joey and Ross: Yeah!
(They all turn and with shocked looks on their faces stare at Ross. Ross is at a loss for words at this moment.)
Rachel: Oh, I have to go tell Monica what a wonderful brother she has! (Kisses him on the cheek and exits.)
Joey: I have to pee. And Rachel's in the bathroom!
(They throw the ball back and forth once.)
Ross: (To Joey) Hey, you wanna get something to eat or uh, do you wanna see how long we can throw this ball back and forth? Huh?
Chandler: It is a crime that you and I don't spend more time together.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are still playing catch.]
(Gary exits and Monica rejoins them.)
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
Monica: Guys, could you please just stop throwing the ball for one minute and just help me find it!
Chandler: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.
Joey: Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear!
Chandler: Yes I did, and I think you should do it.
Rachel: Yes, I was 4 years old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to-had to cut a big chunk of my hair! (crying) And it was uneven for weeks!
Chandler: He's a great guy, y'know? And he loves you a lot, you are a very lucky lady.
Phoebe: You are useless! Freaking out about commitment is the one thing you can do! The one thing! And you can't even do that right! God!
Monica: No, look, she's obviously unstable, okay? I mean she's thinking about running out on her wedding day. (Rachel slowly turns and glares at her.) (Realizing what she just said.) Okay, fine! But I mean, look at the position she's putting him in! What's he gonna do? Ross is gonna run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage?! I mean, who would do that?! (Rachel again turns and glares at her in disgust.) Okay, fine, all right, but that's y'know, it's different! Although it did involve a lot of the same people.
Phoebe: Ohh!! God! (Gary enters and she sees him) Ooh! (To Chandler) Get out of here, good for nothing.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, and Monica are still playing catch, with Chandler looking on. Joey throws the ball to Monica who catches it and whips it at Ross.]
Rachel: No well, no it's not that bad, y'know? I mean yeah, my tongue feels a little fuzzy and these fingers sort of smell, I actually feel like I can throw up.
Chandler: It's throwing and catching!
(Rachel enters with the "cat" and the chick and the duck start to get riled up.)
Chandler: Oh! Oh! That's so hard. (Starts to juggle the ball, but loses control and almost drops it and hands it to Monica.)
Phoebe and Gary: (entering) Hey!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen as Chandler enters.]
Gary: Take a seat. You okay? You feeling all right? (Closes the door and takes off his coat.)
Joey: You wanna see what I got? (He gets up to empty out his pockets) Okay? Ive got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an army man. Hey!
Monica: (on phone, faking she's sick) I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into work today, I don't feel very good. (Joey makes a high throw and Monica has to catch it way over her head.) (Not sounding sick) Yes!! (Realizes what she just did.) (Sounding sick again) Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not. (Hangs up and keeps throwing the ball.)
Chandler: So, just the ones gave back to us and we had framed! (Slams the framed invitation down onto the table.)
Monica: Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course. (Steve sits, Monica brings over a tray) OK, um, these are rot-shrimp ravioli, and celantro pondou sauce... (Steve starts to eat them one by one, quickly)... with just a touch of mints... and... (he finishes)... ginger.
(Rachel sticks a marshmellow into Monicas nose. Monica takes it out of her nose by closing one nostril, and blowing.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!! Must we see all the time?!}]
Ross: All right, all right. You-you-you know what I'm going to do? I am going to order another pizza and when Caitlin gets here, you-you--I will show how well I flirt. Yeah! I will, I will get her phone number! (To Chandler) And not the one on the menu!
Joey: I don't know who made you the boss? All right? We (Ross and him) invented this game!
[Scene: Gary and Phoebe's apartment, it's morning and they're both waking up in bed.]
Chandler: I am trying to open your eyes, my man! Don't you see, if you lived with Phoebe she's always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. You wake up and oh yes, she's there!
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Chandler: Hi, listen, Im sorry about before. I dont need to have a game room. I mean when I was a kid I only played those games because I couldnt get girls, and now I can emNow, I have you. (Monica glares at him.) Not-not that I think that I have you or think of you as property in any sort of way, I see women
Phoebe: (catches it) Nah, I don't feel like playing. (She sets the ball down on the table and everyone gasps.)
Monica: Okay! Okay, let's race! First one there wins! Ha-ha! (Runs out the door and everyone watches her leave.)
Rachel: (looks around for the camera) Okay. Umm, well, first I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you and uh, for yelling at you.
Chandler: Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.
Joey: Dude, you should've gone out once and a while.
Chandler: Made a few calls, pulled some strings, and they agreed to seat us at 11:30 if we both had the chicken and didn't get desert.
Monica: It's not Richard! Okay? It's this new guy and he's really good.
Monica: All right! Let's go! (Runs to the door.) Let's go Team Monica! (The guys all stop and stare at her) All right, we can work out the name later.
Gary: Let me tell you what I think might be going on. (Phoebe looks down in shame.) No-no-no, don't look at the table. Look at me. (Points to his eyes and she does so) Okay, I think somebody asked someone to move in with them. And I think someone said, "Yes" but now she's having doubts because things are moving to fast for someone. Does that sound at all possible to you?
Monica: Hey Rach, remember that great song, Me, Myself, and I? (And on the "I" part she mimics poking her eye.)
Phoebe: Okay. (He grabs his gun and shoots the bird.) Oh! Oh no.
Chandler: How much did I love The King and I? (Oh, you get the point by now.)
Joey: "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Mommas good people!"
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Joey: And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! (To Chandler) And you know what that means buddy!
Ross: Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before I'm 30! So-so if anyone has-has a better suggestion, let's hear it! 'Cause I-I got nothing! All right, don't be shy, any suggestion will do. (There are none.) Okay then. Here we go. Magic 8 Ball, should I never see Rachel again? (He turns it over and reads the answer) Ask again later. Later is not good enough. (He shakes it up again and reads the answer.) Ask again later. What the hell! This is broken! It-it is broken!
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Phoebe: Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, "Ross" on it.
Rachel: Well yeah, but then I remembered I started it and there was this pep rally and I was, I was on top of the pyramid but anywayumm, what is this book about?
Ross: No they dont!!! (He runs to the bedroom to check and returns with his box of condoms.) Well they should put it in huge black letters!!!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are there. Monica is suggesting Mockolate recipes to Phoebe.]
Joey: I don't know. But hey, I know we can decide. Okay, I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick. Okay?
Rachel: Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel. (Goes and puts her luggage away.)
Monica: Boy, I love carrots! Oh! (She picks up a bunch of them and holds them between her fingers.) Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. (She is rubbing her hip with the carrots.) Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife (She picks up a knife without putting the box down. She's holding the box between her cheek and shoulder) and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, (Pause) my body. (She doesn't have any exposed skin within reach of the knife, so while holding the carrots in one hand and the box between her face and shoulder, she rubs the knife on her stomach.)
(Ross pauses and looks at him, Joey motions for him to hurry up.)
Emily: (on answering machine) Hello Ross? It's Emily. (Rachel runs back into the room with the tequila.) I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am. I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.
Phoebe: No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean, I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!'.
Rachel: Okay, just give me the damn drops! (Grabs them and storms out.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica, and Joey are there.]
Monica: I sure do! (She runs over to a drawer, opens it, and grabs a lollipop.) (To Rachel) And you don't get one!
Dr. Miller: And I'll fit you for a glass eye.
CHANDLER: Yeah, and someday when you're ready, you'll make it past the hedges.
Ross: Great, actually. I'm thinking tonight, maybe the night. Yeah, I mean ah, the kids are gonna play together and then when they're asleep, I'm thinking Amanda and I break open a bottle of wine, and do a little "playing" ourselves.
Chandler: Yeah, I mean were gonna have to move around some furniture to make room for my chair. (Kisses her and heads into the living room.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are there. Ross is trying to figure out why Phoebe's mad at him.]
Phoebe: Umm, no thank you. (She gets up and moves to the couch. They were at a table previously.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to apply her eye drops while Monica looks on.]
Chandler: I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast.
Phoebe: (looking through the pizzas) Okay pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, okay Ross, I know she's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?! She forgot my vegetarian!
Rachel: (worried and shocked) Yeah, sure Mr. Zelner, for you anythingminute. Okay. Fine. (To Tag) Abort the plan, abort the plan. (She start to usher Tag out.)
Monica: All right, come here! (She gets up and drags Rachel off of the couch by her legs.)
Rachel: (as she's being dragged) What are you? Monica!! Stop it!! Oh my God! Stop it! (Monica drags her totally onto the floor and on her back.)