words in movies
[Scene: The Hotel Lobby, Rachel and Phoebe are at the front desk checking out.]
Rachel: Listen yknow what sir? For the last time, I dont care what the computer says, we did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
(Chandler and Monica enter.)
Chandler: And Im the happiest guy in the world! (Monica goes and sits down in a huff.) Oh honey, come on dont be upset. We still have so much to look forward to!
Chandler: Ill tell you what, I will go get them developed and you can go home.
Rachel: Are you joking? Check out is not til noon and he has a good (checks her watch) eleven minutes left.
Chandler: Okay, well Im gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. Youre 32! (Exits)
Chandler: Yes! Remember? Right before we cut the cake, I went up to you and I said
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
(Chandler goes into the bathroom, closes the door, and then opens it again right away. Ross looks up and hands him the toilet paper Ross already packed.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is entering to see Monica sitting in front of a mound of wedding gifts.]
Monica: Whew. Although yknow, this is part of a salt and pepper set. I mean I guess yknow it may just count as a half a present. What do you think?
Monica: Or this one! (She grabs and starts to open the biggest present.)
Monica: No! Joey and Ross dont know anything and Chandler still thinks that Phoebes pregnant.
Monica: Wow. Yknow it is so weird. I mean, youre gonna tell this guy today and he has no idea whats gonna happen.
Phoebe: Yeah. Youre just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever. Youre like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual magnetism.
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
Phoebe: Okay. Then he still has this huge decision to make. Now hes walking around thinking, Do I want to be a dad? and then bam!
Phoebe: Yes. Yes I am. Oh my God, Im gonna have a baby! (Joey and Phoebe hug.)
Joey: Well who is this guy?! Huh? Who is he? Cause I will track him down and kick his ass!
Chandler: Yes! And thats why Im under the table. Celebrating.
Ross: Well I checked in the uh, lost and found, I talked to the manager, no-ones turned them.
Ross: No-no-no, Im saying we-we buy more of this (disposable cameras) at the gift shop, throw our tuxes back on, and take a few pictures. All we have to do is make sure not to get anybody elses faces.
Rachel: Phoebe the father is not here okay? I havent told him yet and I dont think I can tell him at all now!
Rachel: I dont know, let me think. I was walking down the street thinking, Im gonna tell the father today and then bam!
Phoebe: Youre thinking about this way too much. Just tell him and get it over with. Its like, its like ripping off this Band-Aid. (On her arm) Quick and painless, watch. (Rips it off.) Oh mother of See?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Obsessive Monica has now opened more of the wedding gifts.]
Joey: Umm, now uh Its a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. Yknow, now I always thought you and I had a special bond so (He goes to one knee and pulls out a ring.) Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Phoebe: Hell yeah! Ill marry you! (She grabs the ring and puts it on.)
Phoebe: I can and I will! (Kisses him.)
Phoebe: Its Joey! (Joey turns and looks at her and she mouths I love you to him.)
Joey: About a month ago this guy spent the night with Rachel, I didnt see who it was but (He walks out and closes the door.)
(They follow him and meet him in the hall coming out of his apartment carrying a sweater.)
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross and Chandler are in their tuxes and have started to fake the pictures.]
Woman At The Wedding: Oh! Of course. (Ross and Chandler pose and she takes the picture.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are about to go inside.]
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the Band-Aid off. What to you want to do?
(He goes up on stage, mimes like he's giving the speech, and Chandler takes his picture. However, before he gets down everyone starts clinking their glasses for a real speech.)
Chandler: Get ready to run. (Chandler walks over to the new bride.) Congratulations on your wedding. (He grabs her, kisses her, Ross takes the picture, and they both run out.)
Phoebe: Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that this is your red sweater.
Tag: Yknow, Im actually glad Phoebe called. (He pulls out a stool and Rachel sits down.) I know we broke up because you thought I wasnt mature enough, but Ive really grown up and think we should get back together.
Tag: Thank you. (Gets up and hurries out.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Obsessive Monica has finished opening all the presents. Shes ashamed of this, at least, because as someone enters ]
(Phoebe and Rachel enter.)
Rachel: Tag is not the father! And Joey knows now?
Joey: I do Rach. I do, and I so happy for you. (They hug.)
Joey: Listen I uh (He takes her hand.) Its a scary world out there especially if youre a single mom. Yknow, I always felt like you and I have this-this special bond. Yknow? So, (gets down on one knee again) Rachel Green will you marry me?
Rachel: Now, if you will excuse me I am going to go and lie down. (Exits.)
(Chandler and Ross enter with the new pictures.)
Monica: Great! Were hangin in the kitchen! (She drags him into the kitchen and turns his back to the living room) Lets stay in the kitchen!
Chandler: (showing her the pictures) Heres a picture of Ross. (Shows another one.) And thats me. (Another one.) And thats me and Ross. (Another one.) Oh-ho, that is a picture of our first kiss as a married couple.
Monica: Yeah! Oh and interesting because I found the cameras in one of our bags! (Throws them into his chest.)
Chandler: Okay, so this isnt a picture of our first, but it is a picture of my first kiss with with this lady. Which by the look on your face Im sure youll remember. So we dont need(Rips the picture)Theres no need to have this picture. How about I take the real pictures and get them developed right now.
Monica: Okay! (They high-five and he walks out.)
Ross: No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. (Starts to leave.) Hey! My sweater! Ive been looking for this for like a month!
(He exits leaving a stunned Phoebe and Monica.)
Monica and Phoebe: Oh my God!!
[Scene: Central Perk, the same scene is continued from before the break. With Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler sitting on the couch.]
(Rachel and Chandler slide into position.)
Joey: Thats so sweet. (pause) Im gonna get some coffee. (gets up and leaves)
Monica: (sliding into Joeys place on the couch to try and talk to Phoebe) Huh? Whatd ya say Joe? Ill be right there. (gets up and joins Joey)
(They both get up and leave Phoebe alone.)
ROSS: Yes. [pulls them off and hands them to Mr. Greene] I was just warming up the earpieces for you.
Monica: (running from the bathroom to her room, wearing only a towel) Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! (gets to her room and closes the door, as Rachel gets up to answer the door.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading at the kitchen table as there is a knock on the door.]
Chandler: Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails.
(Joey jumps up in excitement and without turning around Chandler holds out his hand stopping him, and ushering him back into his seat. Joey sits down, dejected.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is eating breakfast as Chandler comes out of his bedroom, ripping his coat in the process.]
Chandler: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke hed ever heard.
Joey: Oh yeah! I got in there myself once. My roommate bet me five bucks that I couldnt, and then he stuck a board through the handles that locked me in. Yeah. It was funny til I started feeling like I was in a coffin.
Ross: Well w-w-w-w-wait, w-wait, wait, wait a minute! I mean a couple of stupid boxes get wet and she gets a Porsche?!
Monica: Umm, I just wanna say, uh (reads from a 3 X 5 card) that with a pinch of exictement, a dash of hard work, a dollup of cooperation, we can have the recipe... (Looks up and sees eveyone glaring at her) Are you gonna kill me?
Joey: Okay. (he gets in the unit and closes the door) See?! I told ya!
Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joeys apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Phoebe: Yes, and it is my dying wish to have that ring. See, if Im not buried with that ring then my spirit is going to wander the nether world for all eternity
Monica: And that's Pete's Mom.
Joey: (approvingly) Oh! ok, yeah, I think I can do that. Yeah ok, there's this party scene coming up.. and Olivia and her husband are there and all Drake wants to do is grab her and kiss her, but he can't... And that makes me think about all those times when I wanted to grab you and kiss you, but you didn't know so I would just pretend everything was cool, but really, it was killing me.
[Scene: Dots Spot, Chip and Monica are on there date, eating dinner. Chip is telling a story.]
Chandler: What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!!
[Cut to someone entering Central Perk which lets a cat in. The cat then runs over to Phoebes guitar case and starts sniffing around.]
Spokeswoman: And the man who made all this possible... Mr. Peter Becker.
Chip: Oh, like Id give up that job! Free popcorn and candy, anytime I want. I can get you free posters for your room.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rachel, Phoebe, and Julio are consoling Joey and Chandler.]
Chandler: Oh, umm, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed!!
Phoebe: (she turns around and puts the cat on the entertainment center) Ross, how many parents have you lost?
(Sergei insults Mischa, and they get into a huge fight, in Russian.)
Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel: Thats a good call. Right.
Rachel: (checks her watch) Fifty-two minutes. (Pause) So no-no brothers and sisters, huh? That must be nice. You dont have to share stuff.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the door carrying an outdoor patio table.]
Phoebe: Well, you're not, (she tries to smile and contain her anger, but loses it) You're not... you're not... again, you're not SPEAKING FRENCH!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
Joey: Uh-huh. This and a bunch of bubble wrap. And, some of it is not even popped!
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joeys bedroom.)
MICH: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading the paper and Chandler is getting ready for work.]
Joey's Date: Ew, yknow what? One time I saw this guy from behind and he seemed like a totally normal guy and then he turned around and it was Stephan Baldwin!
FBOB: I needed to buy a hammer the other night, and I'm out walkin' around the neighborhood but apparently there are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.
Phoebe: Wow! And hey, its cool if youre a lesbian! (Gives her a thumbs up)
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. Ill cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
[Cut to Monica and Rachels apartment, all are there.]
Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: Oh yeah, I totally agree.
[Scene: The delivery room, everyone except Rachel is there. Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are holding the babies.]
[Scene: The Gellers Kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are still cooking.]
[Cut to Monica and Rachels, theyre all there playing cards.]
Phoebe: Okay, dont panic. Im gonna go to the store, Im gonna get you another set of nails, no ones gonna know, and youre gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, its cause theyre gonna eatthats the problem.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is scrapping gum off the table as there is a knock on the door. He goes over and opens it.]
Phoebe: And! Whoever finds it wins the prize!
[Scene: The beach house, Chandler is simulating hes coming to pick up Monica for a date. Chandler knocks on the door, and Monica answers it.]
Monica: (interrupting) No! You have lasagnas! (Storms out and an awkward silence follows.)
Chandler: Okay. But if you dont come back soon, (She leaves and closes the door) theres pretty much nothing I can do about it!
Luisa: (Out of shot) Here, monkey. Here, monkey! Here, monkey! (Marcel runs to the door and into Luisa's cage, which she slams shut) Gotcha.
Joanna: Oh great! Ill keep it in my butt with your nose. (She grabs the cookie and walks out.)
(Rachel and Sophie both back out and close the door without saying anything.
[Scene: The beach house, Phoebe is coming down the stairs all packed and ready to go.]
Rachel: When she sees that youre gone, shes gonna know that I let you out, and that I was in here, and Im gonna get fired!
The Salesman: And?
(She exits and Phoebe goes over and sits down at the machine that works your shoulders and tries to do one, which she does, easily.)
Phoebe: Okay, umm, if a kid gets straight As, his parents would say, "Yeah, he pulled a Monica." Y'know? Or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, "Yeah I know, he pulled a Monica." Or someone hits a homerun and the announcer says, "Yeah, that ones outta here." Though some things dont change.
Phoebe: No but, why does that have to be a bad thing. Just change what it means. Y'know? Go down there and prove your Mother wrong. Finish the job you were hired to do, and well call that pulling a Monica.
Chandler: Hey, look, youre in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, shes gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
Phoebe: Wow! My breasts are really strong. (She goes and joins Monica.)
(They both continue on and Ross meows like a cat.)
(She closes the door and puts his tie into his mouth as a gag.)
Chandler: Im gonna say this for the last time. Would you please just (He moves his arm which opens the drawer and hits in the back of the head, which proves his point.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is now reading the V book, with the salesman watching.]
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are still negotiating.]
Joey: And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be Chandlers pants.
Rachel: I ah, will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.
Rachel: And the fact that you were jeopardising my career never entered your mind?!
Phoebe: Hello, tiny embryos. Well, Im-Im Phoebe Buffay, hi! Im-Im-Im hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know, that were doing this for Frank and Alice, who you know, youve been there! Umm, yknow they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on. Okay, and-and I promise that Ill keep you safe and warm until youre ready to have them take you home, so Oh! And also, umm next time you see me, Im screaming, dont worry, thats whats supposed to happen.
Monica: And you?
Rachel: Oh, I called them. And when they ask me what I saw, I can be very generous (Holds her hands far apart) or very (In a high pitched voice) stingy.
Monica: So if everyone liked it, and you liked it, that would make this a success. Which would make you
Joey, Rachel, and Ross: Hey!
(She motions for them to come closer, they lean in and she whispers what Rachel told her. The guys both lean back laughing.]
Mrs. Geller: Yes, well I was wrong, and I have to say you really impressed me today.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is there as Monica enters carrying a huge stack of newspapers.]
(She goes back and forth, not sure what to do first, put the bagel down or grab the key. She finally puts the bagel down and grabs the key and goes over to unlock Joanna.)
Chandler: 99...100! Ready or not, here I come! (He opens his eyes and sees that the chick and the duck are still sitting in front of him) All right, let's go over the concept one more time.
Joey: How about zero down and zero a month for a long, long time?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is there eating breakfast. Chandler is cleaning out his wallet.]
Rachel: Well, I thought you liked doing it. (Rachel starts out the door and stops.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the game is coming to a close.]
[Cut to Monica and Rachels apartment as Rachel returns in tears.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Continued from earlier, Rachel is now telling everyone of her experience in the garbage room.]
Monica: God! If youre gonna cry about it! (She grabs the box and goes to through it out.]
Joey: Hey, wouldn't be cool if our duck and chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
Joey: (in a very aaaaahhhhh sweeeeeet voice) Aaahhh, look at you two... holding hands... huh is this getting serious? (Phoebe and Mike, embarrassed, start babbling and look away.) Have you not talked about it yet? (They say nothing now, but smile) Am I making you uncomfortable? (smiles are becoming forced now, and he speaks to Mike) If you were bigger you'd hit me, huh...? Aaaaaahhhhhh (he turns away to the bar)
Joey: Im gonna go down there and teach that guy a lesson.
Ross: Wait a minute, is it because Joey and I didnt invite him to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering carry a large box, Monica is mopping the ceiling.]
[Scene: Treegers apartment, Joey knocks on the door and Treeger opens it.]
Ross: You need me to go down there with you and hold your hand?
Mr. Treeger:: And tell him what?
Rachel: What did you get her? (Joey opens up a rectangular black box and holds up a pen.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, everyone is still eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: Yeah, well, everybody does! Im a really cool person. And y'know you had 29 years to find that out, but you didnt even try! Y'know what, you walked out on me, and Im just, Im gonna do the same thing to you.