words in movies
[Scene: The Hotel Lobby, Rachel and Phoebe are at the front desk checking out.]
Rachel: Listen yknow what sir? For the last time, I dont care what the computer says, we did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
(Chandler and Monica enter.)
Chandler: And Im the happiest guy in the world! (Monica goes and sits down in a huff.) Oh honey, come on dont be upset. We still have so much to look forward to!
Chandler: Ill tell you what, I will go get them developed and you can go home.
Rachel: Are you joking? Check out is not til noon and he has a good (checks her watch) eleven minutes left.
Chandler: Okay, well Im gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. Youre 32! (Exits)
Chandler: Yes! Remember? Right before we cut the cake, I went up to you and I said
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
(Chandler goes into the bathroom, closes the door, and then opens it again right away. Ross looks up and hands him the toilet paper Ross already packed.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is entering to see Monica sitting in front of a mound of wedding gifts.]
Monica: Whew. Although yknow, this is part of a salt and pepper set. I mean I guess yknow it may just count as a half a present. What do you think?
Monica: Or this one! (She grabs and starts to open the biggest present.)
Monica: No! Joey and Ross dont know anything and Chandler still thinks that Phoebes pregnant.
Monica: Wow. Yknow it is so weird. I mean, youre gonna tell this guy today and he has no idea whats gonna happen.
Phoebe: Yeah. Youre just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever. Youre like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual magnetism.
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
Phoebe: Okay. Then he still has this huge decision to make. Now hes walking around thinking, Do I want to be a dad? and then bam!
Phoebe: Yes. Yes I am. Oh my God, Im gonna have a baby! (Joey and Phoebe hug.)
Joey: Well who is this guy?! Huh? Who is he? Cause I will track him down and kick his ass!
Chandler: Yes! And thats why Im under the table. Celebrating.
Ross: Well I checked in the uh, lost and found, I talked to the manager, no-ones turned them.
Ross: No-no-no, Im saying we-we buy more of this (disposable cameras) at the gift shop, throw our tuxes back on, and take a few pictures. All we have to do is make sure not to get anybody elses faces.
Rachel: Phoebe the father is not here okay? I havent told him yet and I dont think I can tell him at all now!
Rachel: I dont know, let me think. I was walking down the street thinking, Im gonna tell the father today and then bam!
Phoebe: Youre thinking about this way too much. Just tell him and get it over with. Its like, its like ripping off this Band-Aid. (On her arm) Quick and painless, watch. (Rips it off.) Oh mother of See?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Obsessive Monica has now opened more of the wedding gifts.]
Joey: Umm, now uh Its a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. Yknow, now I always thought you and I had a special bond so (He goes to one knee and pulls out a ring.) Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Phoebe: Hell yeah! Ill marry you! (She grabs the ring and puts it on.)
Phoebe: I can and I will! (Kisses him.)
Phoebe: Its Joey! (Joey turns and looks at her and she mouths I love you to him.)
Joey: About a month ago this guy spent the night with Rachel, I didnt see who it was but (He walks out and closes the door.)
(They follow him and meet him in the hall coming out of his apartment carrying a sweater.)
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross and Chandler are in their tuxes and have started to fake the pictures.]
Woman At The Wedding: Oh! Of course. (Ross and Chandler pose and she takes the picture.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are about to go inside.]
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the Band-Aid off. What to you want to do?
(He goes up on stage, mimes like he's giving the speech, and Chandler takes his picture. However, before he gets down everyone starts clinking their glasses for a real speech.)
Chandler: Get ready to run. (Chandler walks over to the new bride.) Congratulations on your wedding. (He grabs her, kisses her, Ross takes the picture, and they both run out.)
Phoebe: Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that this is your red sweater.
Tag: Yknow, Im actually glad Phoebe called. (He pulls out a stool and Rachel sits down.) I know we broke up because you thought I wasnt mature enough, but Ive really grown up and think we should get back together.
Tag: Thank you. (Gets up and hurries out.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Obsessive Monica has finished opening all the presents. Shes ashamed of this, at least, because as someone enters ]
(Phoebe and Rachel enter.)
Rachel: Tag is not the father! And Joey knows now?
Joey: I do Rach. I do, and I so happy for you. (They hug.)
Joey: Listen I uh (He takes her hand.) Its a scary world out there especially if youre a single mom. Yknow, I always felt like you and I have this-this special bond. Yknow? So, (gets down on one knee again) Rachel Green will you marry me?
Rachel: Now, if you will excuse me I am going to go and lie down. (Exits.)
(Chandler and Ross enter with the new pictures.)
Monica: Great! Were hangin in the kitchen! (She drags him into the kitchen and turns his back to the living room) Lets stay in the kitchen!
Chandler: (showing her the pictures) Heres a picture of Ross. (Shows another one.) And thats me. (Another one.) And thats me and Ross. (Another one.) Oh-ho, that is a picture of our first kiss as a married couple.
Monica: Yeah! Oh and interesting because I found the cameras in one of our bags! (Throws them into his chest.)
Chandler: Okay, so this isnt a picture of our first, but it is a picture of my first kiss with with this lady. Which by the look on your face Im sure youll remember. So we dont need(Rips the picture)Theres no need to have this picture. How about I take the real pictures and get them developed right now.
Monica: Okay! (They high-five and he walks out.)
Ross: No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. (Starts to leave.) Hey! My sweater! Ive been looking for this for like a month!
(He exits leaving a stunned Phoebe and Monica.)
Monica and Phoebe: Oh my God!!
Ross: And then she said it was the perfect way to say goodbye.
Chandler: (To Monica) Well, now we have one of each! (To the doctor) And that's enough!
(Rachel enters and interrupts Phoebe's song.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Phoebe and Joey are there.]
(Joey is sitting in an armchair and wearing a diving mask. He pulls out a grape from a bunch of fake grapes on the coffee table, puts it on the snorkel's breathing tube and blows it out, then giggles to himself)
Rachel: No, we decided that I would go ahead and set up first, and then my mom would bring Emma to Paris on Sunday.
(She kisses him on the cheek and looks over at the others.)
[Scene: The hospital. Monica and Chandler are holding the twins, while two nurses are taking care of Erica.]
Erica: Anyway, I'm gonna go and get some rest. I'm really glad I picked you guys. You're gonna make great parents. Even Chandler.
(The nurses take Erica to the recovery room. Monica and Chandler smile at each other.)
Ross: No, and I'm not going to.
Ross: Yeah, and she still wants to go! It's pretty clear where she is.
Joey: Monica just called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute. And apparently, there's some big surprise.
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and put them down carefully.)
(Joey stares at Chandler and Monica and finally puts two and two together. He gasps.)
Monica: (points at the baby she's holding) This is a boy, (points at the baby Chandler is holding) and that's a girl.
[cut to Monica and Phoebe in the kitchen]
Phoebe: Oh yeah? Well, tell me which one, and I'll try slip it in my coat.
(They hug as Phoebe and Joey stare at the two of them.)
(Monica and Chandler look shocked as Ross goes to leave.)
(Phoebe and Ross leave.)
[Scene: The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in.]
Man: 18th and East End.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler and Joey are there, packing the last boxes.]
[Scene: Phoebe's cab. Phoebe is driving very fast, and a terrified Ross has closed his eyes.]
(Monica and Chandler enter.)
(Phoebe tries to throw some quarters out the window, but she has forgotten to open the window, and she and Ross scream.)
Joey: Okay, I wanted to surprise you, but for your house-warming gift, I got you a baby-chick and a baby-duck!
Chandler: Really? You got us a chick and a duck?
(Monica turns around and is about to leave when she steps on something.)
This is a special out takes episode. The cast and Conan are sitting around the set of Central Perk, talking about the stuff weve never seen.
Joey: Just put it on a plate and leave.
Phoebe: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! (they all stop fighting, Chandler continues to dance.) Look what youre doing to Chandler!! (Chandler finally stops) (to Ross and Rachel) Yeah, look, we know this is really, really hard for you guys. Okay? (Ross starts to leave) You dont, all right you dont have to love each other, okay? You dont, you dont even have to like each other much right now. But please, you have to figure out a way to be around each other.
(Rachel sticks a marshmallow into Monica’s nose. Monica takes it out of her nose by closing one nostril, and blowing.)
Lady: Well, we already have one offer on it, and I think the lady upstairs is goning to make another one.
[Scene: The airport. Ross and Phoebe run in.]
[Scene: The gate. Rachel walks up to the man at the gate and gives him her passport.]
[Scene: The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe come running.]
(She runs up to the gate and the gate attendant standing there.)
Amy: We’re gonna be roomies! (she snaps her finger and points at Joey, snaps her fingers again and points to the bags) Come on!
Phoebe: Just one? I drive you all the way down here, and I don't get to see how it works out?
(Monica is standing by the crib, and she's looking at her babies.)
Ross: Ohh, God, nobody likes him, and hes so cheap, hed never fly to London in a million years. Yeah, invite him? Hey, did I do these neat enough? (Hands her some envelopes.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler are still trying to get the birds out of the foosball-table.]
(Ross sadly hangs up the phone, while Phoebe looks at him. Cut to Rachel at the gate. She gives her boarding pass to the gate attendant, and she goes onboard. The gate attendant closes the door and locks it.)
(Monica grabs the hammer and the crowbar and gets ready to bust it open.)
Phoebe: Look David, if... if you had never left, then... yeah, we'd probably still be together right now, but... you did leave, and I-I'm with Mike and I really care about him...
Rachel: Alright, look, I have to go. I love you, and I will call you the minute I get to Paris.
Rachel: I wouldn't worry about it. She's always coming up with stuff like this, and you know what? She's almost never right.
(Rachel and Barry quickly split and pretend Barry is examining Rachel's mouth.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Monica has completely destroyed the foosball-table, and Chandler and Joey are holding the birds.]
Chandler: Yeah, I mean we've got a lot going on right now. And, plus, here they'd have their own room.
(They do the lame cool guy handshake. They look at each other, and then they hug.)
Joey: Thanks man. Did you hear that, you guys? You're gonna get to stay here! And, and it's good, you know, 'cause, 'cause now you have a reason to come visit.
Passenger #2: And you fixed the Philange?
(Rachel walks up to the gate. Cut to Ross and Phoebe who come running up to the gate.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Chandler, Monica and the twins are there. Everything has been put into boxes.]
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross enters and checks his messages.]
(He walks over and kisses her.)
Ross: I love you too, and I'm never letting you go again.
Rachel: Okay. You and me, alright? This is it.
(Monica and Chandler put Jack and Erica in their stroller.)
(Chandler hugs her. Monica hugs Ross and Rachel as Chandler gets the stroller with the twins.)
Ross: Hey listen can you do me a big favor? The deans office just called and said there was an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for like an hour?
Monica: Wait a minute. What about that summer during college that you lived with grandma, and you tried to make it as a dancer?
(Joey takes the plastic container to his mouth and starts to drink. Most of the milk gushes from the bottle down his chin and over his clothes to the floor. He keeps "drinking" and all of a sudden he lifts it up and half the bottle of milk pours out in an instant. He then continues to drink the rest. He then puts the empty container down on the counter.)
[Scene: hotel's bar, Ross and Mr. Oberblau are talking]
Ross: Hey, at least you have a wife! I-I keep getting divorces and knockin people up! And Im dressed as doody.
Chandler: He's not right for the part. So if I suggest him, my bosses are gonna think I'm an idiot! And that's something they should learn on their own!
Phoebe: Yeah, I can't say that. uhm... Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you... Mike and I are back together... and uhm... unfortunately that effectively ends your relationship with him. And he's very sorry about that and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavours.
Erica: So, it's Monica and Chandler. I only know you as file 0W33815-D.
David: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you.
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! Its a museum! What, youre the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I dont know to the waiter.)
Phoebe: Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! (She bangs on the cabs roof and it pulls away.) (To Ross) You didnt get the annulment?!!
Monica: Oh yeah, I remember mine! Ohh, it was my sixth birthday, my dad took me to the park, I got it, and it bent.
Aurora: ...Luckily none of the bullets hit the engine block. So, we made it to the border, but just barely, and I- ...I've been talking about myself all night long, I'm sorry. What about you? Tell me one of your stories.
Joey: Okay. Table, you have given us so many great times. And you guys, Jordan, Victor, Joel... All of you guys. What can I say? You guys make us look good. You wanna say anything?
Chandler: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth. (Chandler slyly grabs the gum from the wall and slides it back in his mouth.)
(Monica is dancing. At first she seems insecure and moves slowly, but then gets into the groove and swings her hips from side to side while holding her hands up. She then eats the last piece of pizza she was holding and again moves her hips from side to side, pushing her hands in the air in beat with the music. Her moves get more wildly while she's snapping her fingers. She loses balance and falls back onto a pink bean bag.)
JOEY: (pause) Yeah, you could go to the game with me, ah, even though I know you said you couldn't.� But then you lied to me and tricked me and gave me a bump on the head.
Chandler: Hi.... um... okay, next word... would be... Chandler! Chandler is my name, and, uh...(He clears his throat noisily)...hi.
[Scene: The gate at the airport. The passengers are standing in line, and they're about to board the plane again.]
Mike: Not possible! (they kiss, and then Mike says proudly...) She's gonna be Mrs. No Balls.
Phoebe: It's amazing! You better hurry up and fill out an application or I'm gonna beat you to it.
Monica: (walking around with her headset still on) OK LET'S GET THESE CHAIRS OUT HERE! Gunther, hit the Christmas lights. (He does so and the lights above the chairs light up. Monica looks satisfied) Okay, who left the ice sculpture (picks up a piece of ice from the ground) ON THE STEAM GRATE? (nobody answers)
(They move on the couch and start kissing again. Joey does his grazing on Rachel’s thigh and she slaps his hand)
Phoebe: Hey. Guess what! My landlord just called and my apartment is gonna get ready soon, so I guess I'll be moving out.
Phoebe: Well actually, I know what time Chester and Marcia said.
Tour Guide: Oh, he wont sit here. Only the people in the white coats sit over there, (Points to there table) and only the people in the blue blazers sit here.
The Fan: No-no, it was! She was in Sex Toy Story 2, Lawrence of Alabia, and I got her autograph! The guys at the comic book store arent gonna believe this! (Exits.)
Rachel: Ill take all of your photos and put them into photo albums!
Assistant: You got sprayed with two two' s and...
Phoebe: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch!
RACHEL: OK. [they go to kiss but everyone's watching so Ross just kisses her on the top of her head and leaves]
Chandler: And Milton Berle has a
[Scene: Rosss classroom, he has just finished his lecture and the students are filing out.]
Pete: Oh, believe me, I dont want to get hurt either. Im being smart about this. See these guys? Theyre the best trainers in the world, and Hoshi here used to be a paid assassin. (Hoshi yells at him in Chinese) A house painter! He used to be a house painter.
Rachel: I don't know, you know, just the way she waltzed in here all smart, and tall! You know, and just swept Joey off his feet... I mean, nobody else has a chance!
Chandler: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.