words in movies
Joey: I wish I could but I just found out that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go, but, you know, take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want.
Rachel: (gets up from the sofa and moves to the kitchen but Joey blocks her way) Oh, sorry... Oops, sorry.
Joey: (lifts Rachel up and moves her behind him so she can walk on) Hey, here you go.
Rachel: Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around and... and not have it be a big deal?
(Monica points at Joey, Rachel turns and sees him)
Rachel: (giggling and whispering) Maybe.
Rachel: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time!
Rachel: Ok, off the top of my head... Don and Janet.
Rachel: All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we (Joey enters the hall) Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion? (Joey enters his apartment)
Ross: (covering with his hand Chandler's face, like pretending he's not there) (to Monica) There're these two professors who are joining my department and I have to meet them here and show them around campus.
Charlie: And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.
Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we?
(Rachel enters the room and checks the answering machine)
Joey: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first
Message: "Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight" (Joey's upset and stops it)
Rachel: And you weren't going to tell us? How did you think you were gonna get away with that?
Rachel: And last year is that why you sent us to that medieval times restaurant?
Rachel: OH! And the year before that, when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory?
Rachel: (yelling and jumping like a child) OH, a soap opera roof party!! I'm going to a soap opera roof party!! Oh my God, oh my God!! (realizing how she's behaving) And it's out of my system!
[Scene: Ross, Charlie and Professor Spafford are sitting at the table in a restaurant]
Professor Spafford: (speaking very slowly) And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galapagos. There was a sea food buffet you wouldn't believe. There were clams, and mussels, and oysters, and cracked crab, and snow crab, and king crab. It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.
Professor Spafford: And that's not all I'm allergic to.
Professor Spafford: I'm also allergic to peanuts, and cashews, and almonds, and filberts...
Charlie: Kinda playing fast and loose with the word "interesting".
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment]
Ross: (entering with Charlie) Oh, hey you guys! This is Charlie! Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica.
Phoebe: Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table and I memorized the title to freak you out!
Ross: Oh my God, she's great! I mean, we-we have so much in common and she's just cool, and funny...
Monica: And I don't know if you've noticed but she's a (aloud) HOTTY!! (Charlie looks at her) HI!
Rachel: I don't know! I think it's kind of serious! Oh, you know... I was watching this thing on TV this morning about... Newcastle disease... and I think I might have it!!
Charlie: Oh, Newcastle disease is a secretion borne virus that only affects chickens and... other poultry.
Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!
Rachel: And he didn't want you guys to know about it but I came over here to tell you!!
Phoebe: Joey's having a party and he wasn't gonna invite us?
Rachel: Yeah, and he does it every year! That's why he's sending you to that play! That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory!
Phoebe: And that horrible museum tour!
Joey: (looks perplexed and opens up his robe) Ok... I mean...
Joey: (to Charlie after covering himself up again) Nice to meet ya! (Charlie waves hesitantly and Joey leaves)
(The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)
Monica: (to Rachel) Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love".
Rachel: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler!
(cut to Ross and Charlie)
Ross: ... And you called him Alby!? (laughs) I mean that's like... like calling Albert Einstein... er... Alby...
Charlie: Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues...
Charlie: (smiling and thinks for a moment)... no... bu but there was my first boyfriend Billy.
Ross: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter)
Ross: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.
Ross: Oh much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians... (gestures with his hands and says in an impression voice?) "Can we walk"? (Phoebe starts laughing) Oh, you... you like that?
Bitter lady: (now yelling) Well, you're not gonna get one! Because in life there are no intermissions, people. Chapter 7: Divorce is a 4 letter word. (Now standing right in front of Chandler and bending down almost to his level as if speaking to him, yelling even louder) How could he leave me?!?!
Joey: Hey Ross, this is one of my co-stars, Dirk. (To Dirk) Dirk, this is my good friend Ross. (Ross and Dirk shake hands)
Dirk: Oh! Hey well listen, I play a scientist on "Days". And my character has just won the Nobel prize.
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, Dirk was wondering about the woman that you brought and if you guys were together, or...
Joey: (browsing the tissues) Let me see if I approve any of these clowns. This guy wears a rug (discards one). This guy's Canadian (discards another). And this guy is in a cult, ok, and it costs you 5,000$ to get to level three and I don't feel any different.
Joey: Nothing major, it's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you, and you deserve the best.
(Joey leaves. Rachel gulps down what's left of her drink and grimaces.)
Chandler: Oh yeah! I mean at first I hated it, but why wouldn't I, because as a man I've been trained (bitter woman's tone) not to listen! (pause) But after chapter 16: "fat, single and ready to mingle", I was uplifted.
Phoebe: Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper?
Phoebe: You're so much more than just brains! You're sweet, and kind, and funny...
Ross: And sexy.
Phoebe: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch!
Rachel: Please, what about you and Chandler?
Monica: That's different! I was drunk and stupid!
Monica: And I can't stop you.
(Rachel goes look for Joey. She sees him and Charlie kissing passionately.)
(Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)
[Scene: The theater. Monica, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the first line]
Chandler: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.
JOEY: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
[Scene: Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe pulls up in the cab with Rachel and Joey in the back.]
JOEY: Well why don't you just reach out and take his trampoline.
RACHEL: Ok, here, I know what we can do. [grabs Joey's sadwich and throws it out the window]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting at the couch.]
(Ross hands Rachel back the newspaper, and she starts beating him with it again.)
LITTLE BULLY: And look where they're sitting.
CHANDLER: Alright, I'll tell you what, you call the couch and then, and then we'll call the couch, and we'll see who it comes to.
ROSS: Thank you Gunther. We didn't want to have to go and do that.
RACHEL: I know. And Mom, I realize you and Daddy were upset when I didn't marry Barry and get the big house in the suburbs with all the security and everything, but this is just so much better for me, you know?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey is eating breakfast, Rachel has just gotten up, and Monica is on the phone.]
MONICA: 'Cause I was going by it the other day and I saw that there was a stock with my initials, MEG, on it and, well, sometimes I have to watch for two or three hours before it comes up again but when it does, it's pretty exciting.
MONICA: Well, my financially challenged friends, I split my money and I bought some shares of CHP and ZXY.
PHOEBE: Ok, I talked to the vet, people are so nice upstate. Anyway, he said that the little fella's gonna be ok and I can pick him up tomorrow.
Chandler: Let me tell you why you need to pick me. (Goes to sit on the couch facing backwards to the kitchen. Rachel gets a chair and sits opposite him) See, when I was a kid, I was always left out of everything, you know, and it really made me feel... insecure. You know, I was always picked last in gym. Even behind that big fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules to baseball. I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third. Anyway, If I'm the only one left out of this wedding, I just know that all those feelings are gonna come rushing back.
PHOEBE: Yeah, but he did have to have a bunch of stitches and he said that only once in a blue moon does a dog's ear grow back so...still hoping.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is sitting at the bar, Chandler serves up two mugs of hot water.]
RACHEL: Ok, so Phoebe, now are you gonna call your dad and let him know that his dog is ok?
PHOEBE: Ok. Listen, just don't say anything about me, ok. [goes over and grabs the phone that's sitting by Monica]
Photographer: Now why dont we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier.
CHANDLER:Well the package says you have to uh, constantly keep it moving. Stir and drink, stir and drink, never let it settle.
[Scene: Outside Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is returning.]
[Scene: The fancy restaurant, Angela has her hand in Bob's shirt, and Monica is very uncomfortable.]
[Scene: Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe is returning the dog who is bandaged up and has a plastic cone around it's neck.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that same day. Joey and Chandler are eating pizza, and Phoebe is trying to knit something.]
FRANK: Yeah hey, you know if you want I can take you around back and show you where he hit his head on the rain gutter.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting on the couch nervously.]
[They rush to put the cream and sugar in their cups and gulp down a few drinks]
Ross: And that should conclusively prove that I had the idea for Jurassic Park first! Now lets take a look at (Phoebe rushes in.)
ROSS: Yes, and that's why we're here.
[they all jump in the street and prepare to fight]
LITTLE BULLY: Actually, you know, uh, I gotta show this apartment tomorrow and uh, you know, this no faces thing might not be a bad idea.
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
CHANDLER: Huh. [reaches over and grabs the hat and bolts for the door but slips and falls behind the couch]
Alice: No-no-no, no, its going to be fine. Because umm, because I teach Home Ec, and uh, I can have 30 kids making baby clothes all year long. Yknow itll-itll be like my very own little sweatshop.
JOEY: Really. Why can't we just get some pizzas and get some beers and have fun?
(Camera cuts to show Chandler giving a Jello shot to the ceramic dog and holding an empty tray of Jello shots.)
CHANDLER: Or maybe she doesn't steal stuff and Joey just slept with her and never called her back.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are setting up for the party.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are planning Rache's birthday party.]
MONICA: No no, the father can, but um, since I am the roommate I can tell you that she's not here and I'll pass along the message, ok. So bye-bye.
MONICA: Sandra, I am so sorry, I thought you were Rachel and we just weren't ready for you yet.
PHOEBE: And because you're both, you know, white women.
MONICA: So uh, Joey and Chanlder, I, I think it's time that you take Dr. Greene over to your place.
Phoebe: Okay, well Ill bring them by tomorrow morning. Okay, and uh, by the way, theyre not actually puppies, theyre Frank and Alices triplets. Okay, see ya! (Exits.)
CHANDLER: Ok, they're coming, shhh. [Runs into Monica's apartment and grabs one last girl to take to his apartment]
[they kiss and Ross backs her into her apartment and turns on the lights]
Chandler: (starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and(He falters and Monica prompts him.)generosity of spirit.
MONICA: Ok, everybody, there's food and drinks on the table. Go across the hall.
MONICA: Right now, Joey and Chandler's, go now.
Rachel: Okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay! I got it! I got it! I got it! I cant! I cant! I cant! I cannot go with you and my sister thing. Okay? I just cant. Its just too weird, all right? I imagine the two of you together and I freak out. It freaks me out. I cant do it! I cant do it.
ROSS: You know what, this is ridiculous, ok. This is your birthday, this is your party. I say we just put 'em all together and if they can't deal with it, who cares.
Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.
RACHEL: Well, I have to be, I don't really have a choice, I mean, you know, I could look at the bright side, I get two birthday parties and two birthday cakes.
RACHEL: Uhh, let's just stay clear of 'I'm the guy that's doing you daughter' and you should be ok.
[Back in Chandler and Joey's party]
[Back at Chandler and Joey's party]
ROSS: Oh, mine too. Isn't that neat, scotch neat. Would you excuse me? [walks out in the hallway, Mr. Greene is walking out of Chandler and Joey's apartment] Hey, hey, where you uh, sneakin off to mister?
Joey: Anyway! Her and Ross just started yelling at each other.
Rachel: What, slept together a year and a half ago? Yeah, I'm all set.
[Russ enters Central Perk. He looks like Ross, except for his chin and hair (it is David Schwimmer in a dual role).]
Rachel: God! And to have to hear about it from Gunther!!
[Chandler and Joey stop dancing and laugh at her]
[Back in Monica's party. Phoebe is talking to a guy and two girls at the party.]
[Back at Chandler and Joey's party. Everyone is dancing and having fun.]
MONICA: You, and you, you're supposed to be at my party. And Gunther! What are you doing here?
[Chandler and Joey's party]
(Follows Joey into their apartment and shrugs on his way out.)
[Chandler and Joey's party]
MRS. GREENE: ...the scotch and the cigarettes...
MR. GREENE: You work and you work and you work on a boat...
MRS. GREENE: ...but when all is said and done, he still drinks out of the mugs.
Chandler: Okay. And its not just chicks y'know? Its all kinds of other animals!
Rachel: (She takes the T-shirt out of the box and holds it to her chest and take a deep breath.) No. Nothing. (She smiles and goes into her room.)
PHOEBE: Hey.� I'll be right back.� I've got to go to the bathroom.� (She rises and exits.)
JOEY: Isn't it? And it's engraved too, check it out.
CHANDLER: I, I know. [Hugs her. Ross walks out and Chandler puts her in his arms.]
RACHEL: Ya know, I just, so weird. I mean I was in there just listening to them bitch about each other and all I kept thinking about was the fourth of July.
(Ross and chandler are standing next to the alter. Ross is practicing for the wedding.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Fat Monica, and her boyfriend are sitting on the couch. Monicas boyfriend is getting up to get something. For future reference, for the rest of this episode Monicas fat, I wont be calling her Fat Monica throughout.]
[Mr. Greene opens the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment. Ross sees him and runs to the door forcing him back in then holds onto the door knob.]
LITTLE BULLY: Look, here's what we'll do. We'll put all keys and watches in the hat over there. Alright. [they all put their keys and watches in the hat and put it on a mail box] Alright, c'mon man, let's do this.
Monica: Look, I know that you're in a place right now where you really need to hate Julie's guts, but she didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she was just a girl who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that if you gave her a chance, you'd like her. Would you just give that a chance, for me?
JOEY: Thanks for coming Mrs. Greene. [grabs her and kisses her to distract her. She goes limp in his arms. Mr. Greene leaves.] Well, ok, you take care.
[the guys form a wall between Mrs Geller and Mr Geller and dance across the hall as he walks across]
MRS. GREENE: Oh, you kids [she caresses his face and chest] Well, this is the best party I've been to in years.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Close up of the flan on the table with birthday candles.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel, Monica, Joey, and Chandler are there.]
Monica: Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen Marcel.
[Rachel brings a muffin to Chandler and Monica who are sitting on the couch.]
CHANDLER: Ok, you can have it. [He licks it and offers it to her.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are in her bedroom.]
[Once again, Chandler has a bite in his mouth and can't come back.]
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
[He walks out of the bedroom and Monica starts to remake the bed.]
[She starts the cab and pulls forward. We hear a squish and a dog yelp.]
SUSIE: Remember the class play? You, you pulled up my skirt and the entire auditorium saw my underpants.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are doing Phoebe's makeup.]
PHOEBE: No, only the three of you, any more than that and she'll get suspicious.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ryan is walks up to the door and knocks.]