words in movies
Joey: I wish I could but I just found out that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go, but, you know, take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want.
Rachel: (gets up from the sofa and moves to the kitchen but Joey blocks her way) Oh, sorry... Oops, sorry.
Joey: (lifts Rachel up and moves her behind him so she can walk on) Hey, here you go.
Rachel: Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around and... and not have it be a big deal?
(Monica points at Joey, Rachel turns and sees him)
Rachel: (giggling and whispering) Maybe.
Rachel: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time!
Rachel: Ok, off the top of my head... Don and Janet.
Rachel: All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we (Joey enters the hall) Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion? (Joey enters his apartment)
Ross: (covering with his hand Chandler's face, like pretending he's not there) (to Monica) There're these two professors who are joining my department and I have to meet them here and show them around campus.
Charlie: And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.
Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we?
(Rachel enters the room and checks the answering machine)
Joey: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first
Message: "Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight" (Joey's upset and stops it)
Rachel: And you weren't going to tell us? How did you think you were gonna get away with that?
Rachel: And last year is that why you sent us to that medieval times restaurant?
Rachel: OH! And the year before that, when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory?
Rachel: (yelling and jumping like a child) OH, a soap opera roof party!! I'm going to a soap opera roof party!! Oh my God, oh my God!! (realizing how she's behaving) And it's out of my system!
[Scene: Ross, Charlie and Professor Spafford are sitting at the table in a restaurant]
Professor Spafford: (speaking very slowly) And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galapagos. There was a sea food buffet you wouldn't believe. There were clams, and mussels, and oysters, and cracked crab, and snow crab, and king crab. It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.
Professor Spafford: And that's not all I'm allergic to.
Professor Spafford: I'm also allergic to peanuts, and cashews, and almonds, and filberts...
Charlie: Kinda playing fast and loose with the word "interesting".
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment]
Ross: (entering with Charlie) Oh, hey you guys! This is Charlie! Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica.
Phoebe: Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table and I memorized the title to freak you out!
Ross: Oh my God, she's great! I mean, we-we have so much in common and she's just cool, and funny...
Monica: And I don't know if you've noticed but she's a (aloud) HOTTY!! (Charlie looks at her) HI!
Rachel: I don't know! I think it's kind of serious! Oh, you know... I was watching this thing on TV this morning about... Newcastle disease... and I think I might have it!!
Charlie: Oh, Newcastle disease is a secretion borne virus that only affects chickens and... other poultry.
Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!
Rachel: And he didn't want you guys to know about it but I came over here to tell you!!
Phoebe: Joey's having a party and he wasn't gonna invite us?
Rachel: Yeah, and he does it every year! That's why he's sending you to that play! That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory!
Phoebe: And that horrible museum tour!
Joey: (looks perplexed and opens up his robe) Ok... I mean...
Joey: (to Charlie after covering himself up again) Nice to meet ya! (Charlie waves hesitantly and Joey leaves)
(The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)
Monica: (to Rachel) Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love".
Rachel: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler!
(cut to Ross and Charlie)
Ross: ... And you called him Alby!? (laughs) I mean that's like... like calling Albert Einstein... er... Alby...
Charlie: Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues...
Charlie: (smiling and thinks for a moment)... no... bu but there was my first boyfriend Billy.
Ross: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter)
Ross: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.
Ross: Oh much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians... (gestures with his hands and says in an impression voice?) "Can we walk"? (Phoebe starts laughing) Oh, you... you like that?
Bitter lady: (now yelling) Well, you're not gonna get one! Because in life there are no intermissions, people. Chapter 7: Divorce is a 4 letter word. (Now standing right in front of Chandler and bending down almost to his level as if speaking to him, yelling even louder) How could he leave me?!?!
Joey: Hey Ross, this is one of my co-stars, Dirk. (To Dirk) Dirk, this is my good friend Ross. (Ross and Dirk shake hands)
Dirk: Oh! Hey well listen, I play a scientist on "Days". And my character has just won the Nobel prize.
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, Dirk was wondering about the woman that you brought and if you guys were together, or...
Joey: (browsing the tissues) Let me see if I approve any of these clowns. This guy wears a rug (discards one). This guy's Canadian (discards another). And this guy is in a cult, ok, and it costs you 5,000$ to get to level three and I don't feel any different.
Joey: Nothing major, it's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you, and you deserve the best.
(Joey leaves. Rachel gulps down what's left of her drink and grimaces.)
Chandler: Oh yeah! I mean at first I hated it, but why wouldn't I, because as a man I've been trained (bitter woman's tone) not to listen! (pause) But after chapter 16: "fat, single and ready to mingle", I was uplifted.
Phoebe: Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper?
Phoebe: You're so much more than just brains! You're sweet, and kind, and funny...
Ross: And sexy.
Phoebe: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch!
Rachel: Please, what about you and Chandler?
Monica: That's different! I was drunk and stupid!
Monica: And I can't stop you.
(Rachel goes look for Joey. She sees him and Charlie kissing passionately.)
(Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)
[Scene: The theater. Monica, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the first line]
Chandler: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.
(Phoebe and Joey run back out and head towards the street.)
Phoebe: (to her) Hey! Dont you give me any of yourHey! (Sees Chandler and Monica standing there.)
Monica: What? Wait! Why? (He turns and heads for the door and she chases after him.) Chandler! Chandler! Wait! Im sorry, I was just playing for one second! I was trying to find you to tell you that, look if you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't! He means nothing to me!
(Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN-ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!)
Ross: And we didnt have sex.
Ross: (getting up) Tell me about it. (He sits up on the edge of the bed and has "Just Married" written on his back.)
(Rachel agrees with him and starts to get out of bed.)
Chandler: So, has anyone talked to Dr. and Mrs. Geller yet?
Joey: Itll be great! We-we could talk, and play games! Huh? This could be our chance to like renew our friendship.
(Chandler and Monica enter.)
Chandler: Monica and I almost got married last night.
Joey: Oh, heres where I win all my money back! (Gets up and heads for the buffet table with Chandler in tow.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross enter in sweats carrying rackets.]
Joey: Oh my God! Thats huge! (Hugs him.) Wait a minute, why come I wasnt invited? And who was going to be your best man? Dont say, "Ross." Do not say, "Ross."
[Pan to Monica and Phoebe having the same conversation.]
Monica: And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.
Joey: Girls say it to me all the time! And believe me, if shes anything like me, shes just gonna be relieved.
Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around.
(Ross and Rachel enter.)
(They both sit down and Rachel pours them both some coffee. Theyre acting like nothings happened and everyone is just staring at them.)
(They turn to look at each other and suddenly remember that they did in fact get married.)
Phoebe: Yes you do! This is your third divorce! You love divorce so much youre probably gonna marry it! Then it wont work out and youre gonna have to divorce it, divorcing guy. (Pause) Im so drunk.
[Scene: The casino floor, Chandler and Monica are walking through it.]
Chandler: Oh please, you are obsessed with babies and-and marriage and everything that's related to babies and-and marriage! I've got an idea, why don't we turn down the heat on this pressure cooker?!
Amanda: Well, it was 1992, and I remember because that was the year I had sex with Evil Knievel (She starts laughing very proudly).
Phoebe: Well, I said, I told him y'know, that I was the executor person of Francis' will and that I needed to talk to him so I'm gonna meet him at the coffee house later.
[Scene: Phoebes cab, Phoebe and Joey are driving back. Phoebe is driving while Joey is sleeping.]
Joey: (starts singing) I wanna rock and roll all night! (Falls asleep.)
Phoebe: Yeah! And until then you are going to sing to me because the radios broken and you are selfish but have a nice voice.
Joey: (to himself) Man, this is a long drive! Are my eyes open? No! (He opens his eyes and sees a hitchhiker.)
Rachel: And I will make everyone call me Mrs. Geller!
Rachel: Oh thanks, but listen, I was just at Monicas and she and Chandler had a big fight and theyre not moving in.
(Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN-ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!)
Ross: Okay, look, how is this gonna affect you? Really? I mean you fill some form out once and a while and instead of checking the box that says Ms you check the box that says Mrs.! Its right next to it!
Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)
Ross: And as my wife I think you should grant me this favor.
Chandler: Well, I told you not to walk. Here. (Picks her up.) There. Okay. (He opens the door, carries her across the threshold, stops, backs out, and lets go of Monica who is only holding on by his neck.)
Rachel: (takes off her robe) Oh! Look what happened! {Don't get your hopes up guys, we only get to see her from the back or from the neck up. Its times like these I wish that the networks would broadcast some nudity other than Denis Franz's butt.} (In her head.) Huh, check me out! I'm in my kitchen naked! I'm picking up an orange. (Does so) I'm naked! (Goes into the living room) Lighting the candles, naked, and carefully. (She backs anything that might have a point like a candle on her body away.)
Monica: Really! (They hug and kiss) All right? Let's forget about this going home stuff and celebrate our anniversary. (She picks up his suitcase.) Okay, this is empty.
[Time lapse, Phoebe is asleep, Joeys driving and having a hard time staying awake.]
(Ross turns and leaves.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]
Rachel: (thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.
(Chandler dials his own phone and it rings.)
Frank: No, its okay. Were-were gonna have three kids! And thats-thats a different kind of dream. Three kids and no money.
Phoebe: Yknow what? Im not talking to you! You go back to sleep! (To the hitchhiker) And you, are you a rapist?!
Phoebe: And I have your name and the fact that youre a drifter, so the balls pretty much in your court.
Hitchhiker: This is where I get off. Well, I have your address and phone number.
Phoebe: You can still sleep at night and stuff.
Ross: Umm, he said he thought I was funny. So (Rachel stares at him.) Okay, look-look umm, let's just go downstairs, we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it.
Phoebe: No, its just that he got this new like home theater dealie, and he wants y'know, us to check it out.
Chandler: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what Im saying?
Joey: And while were down at the video store, you know what else we could rent? Die Hard! (Chandlers excited.) Oh, yknow what? I just remembered, that Everest thing is only available through mail order.
Gary Collins: Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the performance of Cirque Du Soleil, (As he is speaking, Joey and the volunteer getting into a shoving match.) and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming, it's very simple. All you have to do (Joey is knocked down.) is call in your pledge and at that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like to (Just as the volunteer sits down, Joey pulls him to the ground.)
Monica: Then youd be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesnt make any sense.
(And the crowd goes wild! Well, at least the live studio audience.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are on the couch as Ross enters.]
Phoebe: It was really sweet. The last thing she said to me was; "Okay dear, you go get the eggs and I'm gonna get the yogurt and we'll meet at the checkout counter." And y'know what? We will meet at the checkout counter.
Chandler: Okay, a little problem. The key broke in the lock and I cant get in!
[Scene: Central Perk, its the same scene from the end of last weeks show. Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch as Ross enters.]
[Scene: Phoebes cab, shes driving, Joeys in the back seat, and the hitchhiker is riding up front with Phoebe.]
(Joey goes back into the apartment, runs back into the hallway, throws his shoulder against the door, and knocks it down off its hinges.)
Rachel: Yeah, and also we need more umm, drinks. Hold on a second. (Gets up but stumbles a little bit.) Whup, okay. (She makes it to the phone and picks it up, without dialing.) Hello! Vegas? Yeah, we would like some more alcohol, and y'know what else? We would like some more beers. Hello? Ohh, I forgot to dial!
(Joey pats him on the stomach and heads to bed.)
Phoebe: Yeah, no, Ralph doesnt look anything like that guy. Hes-hes young and hes got long hair and a beard and a hacky sack.
Rachel: Fine. Fine, but Ill have you know that once I taught him that stuff he called me Fun Aunt Rachel. And I loved being Fun Aunt Rachel but Ill go back to being Boring and Uncomfortable Aunt Rachel if thats what you want!
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is coming up the stairs and sees Chandler trying to open the lock.]
Chandler: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Jill gives him a stick of gum, and a strange look) 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are cuddling on the couch.]
Phoebe: Well then youd better hurry! The Angelica! Go! Go! (Bangs on the roof again and off they go.)
Ross: Well, apparently not, and I cant just stand by and watch two people I care about very much be hurt over something that is so silly. I mean, enough of the silliness!
Phoebe: Good. (After he leaves, she puts on Joey's gladiator helmet and checks herself out in the mirror) I should really start wearing hats!
Chandler: No, no, I keep trying, yknow? I can get out, "Joey, I have too " but then I lose my nerve and I always finish with, " go to the bathroom." He may think Im sick.
Chandler: Look, I-Im just gonna be right across the hall and I promise you, the minute Monica and I break up Im moving right back in with you!
Joey: Yeah, I gotta go! I got an acting job. (Turns towards the door, pauses, and turns back.) Like youd believe that. This sucks!
[Scene: The Craps Table, Monica is still on her roll, only this time Chandler's with her and she has a huge crowd of people around.]
Monica: No! Chandler and I are moving in together!
Monica: Well umm, Chandler and I are moving in together.
Rachel: Yeah but-but-but you liked me! Oh my God, I cant believe this, all this time, I liked you and you liked me!
Phoebe: Ross, youre being ridiculous! Okay? You are cute and smart and sweet and that is much more important than three stupid divorces!
Cynthia: Oh, candles! (Notices something.) What is that? A blanket? A video camera? Oh my God! (As she storms out, Rachel returns and overhears the conversation.)
Chandler: Well, why dont you tell her to stop being silly! (Monica mocks him and he joins in.)
Ross: And if you wait right here, Ill go get Ross. (Phoebe grabs his arm and prevents him from escaping.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is pacing anxiously waiting for Rachel.]
Monica: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and shes the only one left!
Chandler: Well, I-I still think youre very-very nice and very pretty
Rachel: Ugh, the worse day! Yknow, you think youre making progress at work and then your boss calls you Raquel.
Monica: Have a seat. (They sit at the table.) Okay, listen umm, Chandler and I are going to live together, here.
[Scene: The smoker's balcony, Rachel, Kim, and Nancy are all puffing away on their cancer sticks.]
Rachel: And that was so sweet of you to ask! Oh my God, the three of us are gonna have such a good time living together!
Ross: (stopping them) Okay-okay! Two very good points, look Ive known you both a long time, and Ive never seen either of you one/millionth as happy as youve been since youve got together. Do you really want to throw that all away over a room? That is so silly. Now wh-what is more important, love or silliness?
Rachel: Ohh! This is so exciting! Oh God (Gasps and starts to sing) Come and knock on my door
Rachel: Well obviously I wont be able to come, for those of you who havent checked their calendars today is my due date. Well yknow, I just want to take a moment and thank you guys for how great youve been during this time. I really couldnt have done it without you. And I have loved these last nine months! And even though I am so looking forward to the next part, I am really gonna miss being pregnant.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is there. Monica is watching stock prices on a business channel.]
(They putting their notepads down and get up to leave.)
Phoebe: Yes, and now hes using this three divorces reason because he wants to stay married to her because he loves her. I must say, "Well done!" Bravo Meg.
Rachel: Okay. (Sits back and resumes her reading.)
Monica: Oh no sweetie, no! This is my fault, I wasnt clear! Im really sorry. And listen, you take as much time as you need to move out okay? Theres absolutely no rush.
Monica: Umm, when I said that uh, that Chandler and I wanted to umm, live together we meant alone together.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is packing some books and Joey is watching him.]