words in movies
Joey: I wish I could but I just found out that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go, but, you know, take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want.
Rachel: (gets up from the sofa and moves to the kitchen but Joey blocks her way) Oh, sorry... Oops, sorry.
Joey: (lifts Rachel up and moves her behind him so she can walk on) Hey, here you go.
Rachel: Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around and... and not have it be a big deal?
(Monica points at Joey, Rachel turns and sees him)
Rachel: (giggling and whispering) Maybe.
Rachel: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time!
Rachel: Ok, off the top of my head... Don and Janet.
Rachel: All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we (Joey enters the hall) Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion? (Joey enters his apartment)
Ross: (covering with his hand Chandler's face, like pretending he's not there) (to Monica) There're these two professors who are joining my department and I have to meet them here and show them around campus.
Charlie: And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.
Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we?
(Rachel enters the room and checks the answering machine)
Joey: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first
Message: "Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight" (Joey's upset and stops it)
Rachel: And you weren't going to tell us? How did you think you were gonna get away with that?
Rachel: And last year is that why you sent us to that medieval times restaurant?
Rachel: OH! And the year before that, when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory?
Rachel: (yelling and jumping like a child) OH, a soap opera roof party!! I'm going to a soap opera roof party!! Oh my God, oh my God!! (realizing how she's behaving) And it's out of my system!
[Scene: Ross, Charlie and Professor Spafford are sitting at the table in a restaurant]
Professor Spafford: (speaking very slowly) And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galapagos. There was a sea food buffet you wouldn't believe. There were clams, and mussels, and oysters, and cracked crab, and snow crab, and king crab. It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.
Professor Spafford: And that's not all I'm allergic to.
Professor Spafford: I'm also allergic to peanuts, and cashews, and almonds, and filberts...
Charlie: Kinda playing fast and loose with the word "interesting".
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment]
Ross: (entering with Charlie) Oh, hey you guys! This is Charlie! Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica.
Phoebe: Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table and I memorized the title to freak you out!
Ross: Oh my God, she's great! I mean, we-we have so much in common and she's just cool, and funny...
Monica: And I don't know if you've noticed but she's a (aloud) HOTTY!! (Charlie looks at her) HI!
Rachel: I don't know! I think it's kind of serious! Oh, you know... I was watching this thing on TV this morning about... Newcastle disease... and I think I might have it!!
Charlie: Oh, Newcastle disease is a secretion borne virus that only affects chickens and... other poultry.
Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!
Rachel: And he didn't want you guys to know about it but I came over here to tell you!!
Phoebe: Joey's having a party and he wasn't gonna invite us?
Rachel: Yeah, and he does it every year! That's why he's sending you to that play! That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory!
Phoebe: And that horrible museum tour!
Joey: (looks perplexed and opens up his robe) Ok... I mean...
Joey: (to Charlie after covering himself up again) Nice to meet ya! (Charlie waves hesitantly and Joey leaves)
(The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)
Monica: (to Rachel) Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love".
Rachel: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler!
(cut to Ross and Charlie)
Ross: ... And you called him Alby!? (laughs) I mean that's like... like calling Albert Einstein... er... Alby...
Charlie: Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues...
Charlie: (smiling and thinks for a moment)... no... bu but there was my first boyfriend Billy.
Ross: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter)
Ross: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.
Ross: Oh much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians... (gestures with his hands and says in an impression voice?) "Can we walk"? (Phoebe starts laughing) Oh, you... you like that?
Bitter lady: (now yelling) Well, you're not gonna get one! Because in life there are no intermissions, people. Chapter 7: Divorce is a 4 letter word. (Now standing right in front of Chandler and bending down almost to his level as if speaking to him, yelling even louder) How could he leave me?!?!
Joey: Hey Ross, this is one of my co-stars, Dirk. (To Dirk) Dirk, this is my good friend Ross. (Ross and Dirk shake hands)
Dirk: Oh! Hey well listen, I play a scientist on "Days". And my character has just won the Nobel prize.
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, Dirk was wondering about the woman that you brought and if you guys were together, or...
Joey: (browsing the tissues) Let me see if I approve any of these clowns. This guy wears a rug (discards one). This guy's Canadian (discards another). And this guy is in a cult, ok, and it costs you 5,000$ to get to level three and I don't feel any different.
Joey: Nothing major, it's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you, and you deserve the best.
(Joey leaves. Rachel gulps down what's left of her drink and grimaces.)
Chandler: Oh yeah! I mean at first I hated it, but why wouldn't I, because as a man I've been trained (bitter woman's tone) not to listen! (pause) But after chapter 16: "fat, single and ready to mingle", I was uplifted.
Phoebe: Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper?
Phoebe: You're so much more than just brains! You're sweet, and kind, and funny...
Ross: And sexy.
Phoebe: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch!
Rachel: Please, what about you and Chandler?
Monica: That's different! I was drunk and stupid!
Monica: And I can't stop you.
(Rachel goes look for Joey. She sees him and Charlie kissing passionately.)
(Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)
[Scene: The theater. Monica, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the first line]
Chandler: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.
Rachel: Okay. (Sits back and resumes her reading.)
Monica: Oh no sweetie, no! This is my fault, I wasnt clear! Im really sorry. And listen, you take as much time as you need to move out okay? Theres absolutely no rush.
Monica: Umm, when I said that uh, that Chandler and I wanted to umm, live together we meant alone together.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is packing some books and Joey is watching him.]
Joey: God, its gonna so weird like when I come home and youre not here. Yknow? No more Joey and Chans. No more J and Cs. "You wanna go over to Joey and Chandlers?" "Cant, its not there."
Chandler: And youre upset because you didnt make your best friend cry?
[Scene: Rosss lawyers office, his name is Russell and has just been told by Ross about his current situation.]
Ross: Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas and we got drunk
Actor: (Very melodramatically, and very badly) Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is painting her toe nails as Monica enters.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Housekeeper: Miss Waltham, is at the rehearsal dinner and its not polite to make fun of people. Goodbye.
Russell: Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never had I so much business from one client. Why dont you tell me what happened.
Ross: And Mon, you wanna live with Chandler, dont ya?
Phoebe: (to Joey and Chandler) Okay, bye!
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandlers.]
Joey: (waving) Very funny Ross! Very life-like and funny. Okay. (Notices that a woman is waving back.) Oh no-no-no, I wasn't waving at you lady. (She just stares at him.) (Joey sees how beautiful she is.) Whoa, maybe I was! Hey, Monica, this totally hot girl in Ross's building is flirting with me.
[Cut to Monica and Rachels as Ross walks through the door. Rachel is holding the chrome star and crying.]
Rachel: Monica and Chandler are really moving in here and I have to move out and everything is changing.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are talking.]
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on, I can handle Ross. (They go to the door. Ross is trying to stick his hand through and undo the chain; Monica pushes his hand back.) (To Ross) Hold on! (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?
Rachel: Well yknow, its you guys. You-you do this kind of stuff! Yknow? I mean, you-you were gonna get married in Vegas and then you backed out! I guess Im not upset because I dont see you guys going through with it. Im sorry.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Chandler enters.]
Phoebe: But then we ditch those two and thats when we get married. Well have Chandlers money and Rachels kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachels drinking problem.
Phoebe: I dont want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him.
Phoebe: I know. Then, Im gonna marry Chandler for the money and youll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.
Joey: Yeah but we wont be able to like get up in the middle of the night and have those long talks about our feelings and the future.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is reading a magazine, eating a cookie, and drinking some coffee as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Yeah, Professor and Mrs.
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah, yknow you and Ross are still married.
Rachel: And Mrs.?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe, back to reality, are sitting in normal clothes.]
Phoebe: Oh, theres a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming from across the hall.]
Chandler: Nothing, Monica and I had a stupid fight.
Ross: Youre never gonna believe it uh, Monica and Chandler are moving in again. Thats great news rightI mean for them. Right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are all there as Phoebe enters dejectedly.]
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
Ross: Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into "
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash. Basically, the music sucks.)
Joey: So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe enters to find Rachel still packing.]
Rachel: Yes, so close. Mrs. Lynch, I know that this is an emotional and difficult time, for all of us. But by any chance did Joanna send any paperwork your way before it happened.
Monica: No-no, I-I just, I liked them so much that I went out and bought some for myself.
Joshua: You okay? (Rachel swallowed it whole and is not hacking like a heavy smoker in the morning.) You all right? (Rachel walks away, coughing.)
Rachel: Okay. Uhh, Ross, y'know what, there's something that I-that I have to talk to you about and everybody's saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I think they're wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong.
Ross: It went great! And I didnt need any jokes or naked chicks either!
Phoebe: Yeah, thanks. And listen, can you do me a favor? Could you just umm, wake me up in a couple hours, yknow if you can.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Joey: (in obvious pain) Hey! So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow and Ill have my health insurance back in no time.
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
Chandler: (entering from his room carrying a fire extinguisher and wearing oven mitts) Oh yeah, it's great! See you take a tennis ball, a bowl, and some lighter fluidOp! Op! (He puts out a small fire which has re-ignited in his room.)
Monica: Yeah, but yknow we could sneak in and watch.
Joey: Well because you didn't give me advice! No! You gave me a pickup line! As soon as I told her I wanted to y'know, build a foundation and be friends first. I suddenly, through no fault of my own, became irresistible to her! (Pause) And her roommate!
Rachel: Yeah, and not a very good one.
(They turn back to Rachel and Professor Rathman.)
Chandler: I will loan you the money. Just go to the hospital and lets just get that thing pushed back in.
Joey: Ooh, like the time you and I went to Atlantic City and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak?! Remember?
Phoebe: No-no, itll be fun! We can come back and we can haunt these guys!
Joey: Yeah, why dont you move in with me? Itll be great! We could stay up late, watch movies, and you know about Naked Thursdays right?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Baywatch with the baby chick. Hes on one leather chair, the chick is on the other. Its watching Yasmine Bleeth run and is chirping.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are playing phone pranks on Ross.]
Chandler: No, not us (Motions Joey and him.) Us! (Motions Monica and him.)
(Joey pulls his hand out and reverts back to intense pain.)
(Rachel mumbles uh-huh and spits the half-eaten cookie out onto the tissue.)
Joey: Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower.
[Scene: The Wedding reception, Ross and Emily are in the bathroom and Emily is yelling at him. Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are standing outside the doorway.]
Joey: Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, the scene is continued from earlier, only Ross has dismissed the class and is now talking to Monica and Rachel.]
The Director: And Action!
Phoebe: And then. I would use y'know the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel's surprise party. The apartment is festooned with cups. There are cups everywhere! Cup centerpiece, cup garland, etc., etc]
[Scene: Ross and Rachels apartment, Rachel is unpacking as the phone rings.]
Joey: (To Chandler) Hey man, you feeling any better? (Chandler answers him with some guttural sounds that only he can make and that no human can transcribe.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Monica are at the counter getting some more coffee.]
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. The table is set, and there's food on the tables again. They're all there, toasting.]
Joey: Theres a lost and found? (Gunther sets the box up on the table.) My shoe! (Grabs it out of the box.)
Monica: Joey, why dont you put them in the lost and found?
Monica: (normal voice) Oh, you can have an accent and I cant?! (To an exiting student in accent.) Top O the morning to ya laddies!
Phoebe: (stops) Please! Please! Please! Please! Oh please! Please! Please! Frank and Alice asked me to baby sit the triplets and Im nervous cause Ive never done that before by myself!
Joey: Yeah, its (looks up and sees the woman) mine.
[Scene: The street down the block from Central Perk, Joey has found the Porsche and is writing the note.]
Rachel: So, I still have boxes here. I still have boxes at Rosss, and I have nowhere to live! Wow. I could so easily freak out right now.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are having tea.]
(Ross grunts something and hands her the pen he was trying to hand her.)
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on! Itll give us great practice for when(realizes what shes about to say and changes)people with babies come to visit.
Chandler: And?
Monica: And six others.
Joey: And thats just in the city. I get her up to 160 when I take her upstate.
Joey: Oh I-I uh, found the keys and now Im just polishing her up.
{Transcibers note: Ill finish that one for those of you who dont know what theyre talking about. Where the towels are Hers and Hers and His, Threes Company too! Yeah, thats the theme song for Threes Company.}
(The guy gets in and drives off.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the triplets are all in their crib as Monica and Phoebe watch them.]
Chandler: Glass, sand, whatever. (Walks out as Monica and Phoebe turn to check on the babies again.)
Phoebe: No Chandler, they can swallow one of those little parts! And also, look at his smooth area, thats just gonna mess them up.
ROSS: Well then that's it. And if George and Adelaide can't accept that, then the hell with them. Look, if my parents didn't want me to marry you, no way that would have stopped me. Look, this is your wedding. Do it.
Ross: Look, face it, my father is not going to pay for the build-in barbecue and believe me you can kiss you gazebo goodbye. Now I might be able to get you the new lawn.
Judge: And based on the fact that Mr. Geller is intravenous drug user.