words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: No! No! Its just that he gave me three tickets and there are six of us!
Chandler: And I think Ross is generous too.
Monica and Rachel: (less than enthused) Great.
Phoebe: Its mostly just photographs of lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches.
Ross: Thanks? But I have plans; Elizabeth and I are going out of town.
(And walks up right behind Ross, and standard sitcom joke 2B follows with the person being insulted standing right behind the person doing the insulting while the rest of the people become frightened and try to warn the insulter about the insultees presence.)
Ross: Oh, come on you guys; thats funny! Yknow? Because hes needhes got like a hearing aide yknow, cause-cause yknow, cause hes all old, and
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
Ross: But, Elizabeth and I are-are both adults and so I dont think theres really anything you can do about it.
Paul: Ill call the university and tell them about your relationship and have you fired.
[Scene: A Dry Cleaners, Joey is there with Phoebe and is trying to get his picture put back amongst the other celebrities hanging on the walls.]
Joey: I know. It was so cool when I was up there before. Me and Jim Belushi would just be crackin up about something Then I get fired off of Days Of Our Lives and he takes me down. Now hes just laughing at me. Look at him, that smug Belushi bastard, Ill
(The dry cleaner finishes with the customer in front of Joey and they approach the counter.)
(The dry cleaner just stares at her and she retreats.)
Phoebe: Hey, and then lunch.
(A museum official enters with another man and woman.)
The Museum Official: (to the couple) You can put the aisle over here (points), and put the wedding ceremony right over here. (Points.)
Monica: This would be a beautiful place to get married, yeah, but I wouldnt put the aisle there and I would never have the ceremony there! (Points to both places.) I mean youd have the ceremony under this big beautiful arch. (The arch at the entrance to the room.)
Phoebe: Yeah, but theres a two-year wait. And then what if you get engaged in two years and then you got to wait another two years for this place. Thats four years. Chandlers not gonna wait that long. Hes gonna find somebody else, yknow? Someone, someone who did put their name on the list. (Rachel agrees.)
The Dry Cleaner: Russians! It showed them as terrorists and villains!
Joey: Okay well that may be true. But, in-in okay, Air Force One the Russians were terrorists! And evil! And plus he kills a bunch of them! That-that-thats offensive to Russians.
(The Dry Cleaner stares at him and Joey retreats.)
(They fall to the couch and start to make out, but Ross stops suddenly.)
Ross: (loudly) Why?! Are there like bears or something?! (Looks around and then sees that Elizabeth is shaking her head no and realizes what Elizabeth meant.) Ohh. Oh, protection. Yeah-no, yeah-no, that-that-that I forgot.
Elizabeth: Ill just run to the store and get some.
Elizabeth: Why dont you get in the hot tub and Ill meet you there.
(Elizabeth leaves and Ross starts to remove his clothing right there in the middle of the living room where someone can see him. Of course, someone almost does, but he hears a door opening and )
(Ross with his pants around his ankles tries to run, but Dr. Geller forgets that he has his pants around his ankles and falls down trying to flee.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is reading the newspaper as the phone rings. He lets the machine answer it.]
Chandler: (on machine) Youve reached Monica and Chandlers, if youre listening to this message, were probably screening. (to himself) Yeah we are.
The Museum Official: (on phone) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller. I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available (Chandler runs to answer the phone.)
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, Paul and Rachel are sitting on the couch drinking wine and talking.]
Rachel: I feel like were the only two people in the world. (She sets down her wine class, picks up a walnut, and knocks another one on the floor.) Oops. Sorry. (She reaches down to pick it up and Ross hands it to her. Ross is hiding under the couch and causes Rachel to scream.)
Paul: Okay. Ill be right back. (Gets up and heads for the kitchen.)
Ross: (under the couch) You and your ice.
Rachel: Ugh! Get out! Get out! Go! Come on! (Ross gets up and heads for the kitchen.) No! Not in there! Hes in there! (She points Ross to the door next to the kitchen.)
Rachel: Well, why do yknow go in that room (points to the room Ross is in) and do your homework?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the kitchen table staring at the phone as Monica enters.]
(Monica puts the groceries down and goes to check the answering machine and hears.)
The Museum Official: (on machine) I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available
Joey: Oh really? Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks? (Pause) Youre the other one right? (She thinks about it for a second and nods yes.)
Elizabeth: Ahh, I just have one problem left that I do not know how to solve. Uhh, Rachel maybe you want to come upstairs and help me figure it out?
Rachel: (yelling) So youre gonna be in the car, I will be upstairs, and thats where everybodys gonna be!
(Rachel and Elizabeth go upstairs. Paul starts for the car, but notices his luggage is still out and decides to take in into the bedroom.)
[Cut to his bedroom, Ross is listening at the door as Paul opens the door, trapping Ross behind it. With Pauls back turned Ross coils up like a snake and slitters underneath the bed.]
Paul: (standing in front of a mirror and to himself) Just relax. Just relax Paul, youre doing great. (Ross moves a piece of luggage over so he can watch Paul.) She likes you. She Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Yknow why? Because youre a (pause) neat guy. (Ross cant believe what hes hearing.) You are the man. You are (pause) the man! (He opens his shirt and looks at his chest.) I still got it. Nice and sexy. Youre just a love machine. (Starts singing) Im just a love machine and I wont work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! (Flexes and grunts loudly.) Showtime. (Starts to leave and starts singing.) Im just a love machine, yeah ba-by! (Grunts again and Ross is stunned.)
Monica: The woman from the museum called and said that there was a cancellation and that we could move up our wedding and Chandler heard! (Phoebe gasps.) I know! How bad is this?!
Monica: I know! I know! And he totally freaked out and I cant find him anywhere!
Monica: Well, Im never gonna listen to you again, thats for sure! (Mimicking her.) "Yknow, harm can it do if you go and put your name down?"
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey and Phoebe are entering to see if his picture is on the wall.]
The Dry Cleaner: Thats my wife!!! Get out! (Starts yelling at him in Russian, and Im betting hes not saying pleasant things about him.)
(Ross frantically starts to open the window as Paul enters and traps him halfway out the window.)
Ross: (to Elizabeth) And that is why we cannot see each other anymore.
Paul: Ross. You and I are going to have to have a little talk.
Paul: Let me just see if I got this straight. I tell you to stay away from my daughter or Ill have you fired. What you heard was, "Take my daughter, come up to my country house, and ruin my weekend with Rachel!"
Ross: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. (Paul just looks at him.)
Ross: And I too am just a love machine. (Hums a little bit and mimics Pauls flexing.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is pacing, waiting for Chandler to return. Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Im not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out? A woman named Heldi called and said we were getting married, but that happens everyday. (Does one of those Chandler noises.)
Monica: Honey, we were at this beautiful place, and I-I-I just put our names down for fun! I mean, whats the harm in that?
Monica: Chandler, please dont think I was trying to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel
Chandler: Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Heldi, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7 who are available by the way!
Gunther: Hey! Take these cappuccinos to table 11 and that guy over there (points) wants the biscotti.
Joey: Great! (Takes his coffee and leaves.)
Joey: And about this Nancy thing... If you're not sleeping with her, should I?
(Monica enters, with her hair braided and little shells at the end)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, they are just finishing up another game of foosball.]
Rachel: (singing) Love to love ya baby! Ow! Love to love ya baby! Ow! (There's a knock on the door, she turns off the music, puts on her robe, and goes to answer the door.) Love to love ya, baby! (There's another knock.) Darnit! (Looks through the peephole and turns on the lights.) Ugh. (She opens the door to Ross who's leaning against the door jam.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the phone rings and Monica answers it as Rachel and Phoebe move a box into the living room.]
[Scene: Rachels bedroom, Rachel is entering carrying two glasses of wine. She gives one to Phoebe, keeps one, and completely ignores Monica.]
Chandler: Ill teach ya! Come on, come on, its really easy and really, really fun.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is examining the broken foosball table as Chandler enters from his room.]
Joey: This sucks man! The last night youre here and I lose the two most important things in my life, the foosball table and $500.
Joey: A two and a five.
Chandler: And I was a perfect gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said goodnight.
Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the brides maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, youre not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is whining to Phoebe about Rachel.]
Joey: A four and a nine.
Rachel: Hey, yknow what? Youre the one who wants to make this big change and move in with Chandler! You should be the one to go! Why should I have to leave?!
Phoebe: Well, one of you has to take the first step! And it should be you, because shes the one whos leaving. Its harder for her!
Rachel: Look! This is ridiculous. We should be packing you!! (She knocks over Monica, grabs a box, and runs into the kitchen.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, theyre still playing Cups.]
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
Rachel: Oh, big glamour night. Me and Monica at Laundorama.
Phoebe: Youre just so mean to each other! And I dont want to end up like that with Rachel. I still like you!
Monica and Rachel: What?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica carries a box out of Rachels room.]
Rachel: Yeah and you stretch em out with your big old clown feet.
Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
Phoebe: Okay Rachel, I cant wait to live with you! And you know what we should do? Bring Monica and then we could all live there together! Well have so much fun!!
Monica: Kinda. (She hugs Phoebe and looks out the window. She moves closer to it to get a better look.) Oh my God!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, (Ohh, thats the last time Im ever gonna type that line. Its just so sad.) Joey is entering, angrily.]
[Cut to Rosss apartment, hes watching TV and eating some popcorn as the phone rings.]
Ross: No, I get to teach one of his advanced classes! (Pause) Why didnt I get head of the department? (Goes and gets some coffee.)
Joey: And he never played before either! Yknow what I think? I think beginners luck, very important in Cups.
Chandler: You kidding? Youre the most beautiful woman in most rooms (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whats going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
Joey: Ross and I were helping the girls pack, took a little break, I lost $1,500 to him in Cups!
Croupler: Eight! Easy eight. (She rolls a 3 and a 5 and theyre stunned.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, (And thats the last time for that line, no more Chandler and Joeys or Monica and Rachels, ever!) Joey and Ross are carrying the last table of Rachels. Rachel follows slowly, but is stopped by Monica.]
Monica: Yknow what? Youre right, Im sorry. Actually you were a big help tonight. Yeah, and thanks for putting my grandmother in the cab and making sure she got to the hotel safely.
(Monica closes the door and slowly walks into Rachels old and now empty room.)
Chandler: No problem roomie. (She turns around and hugs him.)
Ross: And now you want that money back.
Ross: Im sorry you lost your money, but I won it fair and square.
Chandler: Hmm, lets see if it comes up this time. (He looks at his cards and shrugs.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels new apartment, Rachel and Phoebe are making their answering machine message.]
Phoebe: and
Phoebe: and
Phoebe: Yeah, I know because you have all the good words. What do I get? I get "its," "and" oh I'm sorry, I have "A." Forget it.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers new apartment, Ross and Chandler are there.]
Rachel: Yeah and there's really cute guys there.
Joey: I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you know. Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna (grimaces and tenses up) pull my arm off just so that I can have something to throw at her.
Chandler: (not amused) And I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.
Phoebe: All right, wait just one more second. Hi, it's Phoebe and Rachel's. Please leave a message, thanks!
Ross and Chandler: Hey!
Rachel: Oh yeah, Id actually love a blueberry muffin and a chamomile tea.
Chandler: Yes, and while I'm doing that, Ross has a great computer story for you.
Joey: Felicity and I, were watching My Giant, and I was thinking, "Im never gonna be as good an actor as that giant." Do you think Im just wasting my life with this acting thing?
Chandler: No, but waitwhat if I bought it from you, yknow? And your nice gesture would be giving it to me at a reasonable price, say (Gets choked up) $1,500?
Janine: Well, I think I'll go and unpack.
Monica: Yeah and you better watch the flirting too, cause you know, in such close quarters, it could be trouble.
[Scene, The Park: Phoebe and Rachel are getting ready to go running]
Monica: (chuckles) Hmm, well you're around me all the time and you don't flirt.
[Scene, Central Perk: Rachel, Ross and Monica are there]
Rachel: You guys, I'm telling you, when she runs, she looks like a cross between Kermit The Frog and The Six Million Dollar Man.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers new apartment, Chandler is putting something away under the sink.]
Monica: Yknow, no point in dragging it out. Dragging out the long process of you moving out and us not living together anymore.
Rachel: Yeah, yeah and you know what, I know she's gonna wanna run again, I just don't know how to get out of it, I mean, I live with her.
[Scene Joey and Janines new apartment, Janine is there. Joey walks in to see Janine bent over, stretching.]
Joey: (jumps up and yells)
(Joey laughs nervously and goes to his bedroom.)
[Scene, The Park, Rachel is running and Phoebe is hiding behind a tree.]
Phoebe: (jumps in front of Rachel) Hi! Oh yeah, uh-huh, it's me. I saw you grab your running shoes this morning and sneak out. You lied so you could run by yourself.
[Scene, Monica and Chandlers, Chandler is there. Everything is out of its place and Chandler's cleaning.]
Phoebe: (singing) Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey! Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel!
Rachel: No, no Phoebe no, I was...no. You know what, I was, I was actually just checking to, see, if I could run. And I can!
(He throws it back to Ross, but it's intercepted by Monica and the guys both scream in horror.)
(They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)
Chandler: No, she's not okay? And I'll prove it to you. I'm gonna call her right now. (Picks up the phone and wipes it off) Phone's done ehh.
Rachel: Umm, well lets see Monica and Chandler are occupied.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, continued from earlier.]
Chandler: We should start with the big stuff. Yknow? That'll be the easiest. Uh, let's start with the couch. (He picks up one end and Ross doesn't help) I got it. (He moves it back to where he thinks it goes.)
Joey: All right, thats it! He cannot do this to Phoebe. (gets up) This guy is going to get the butt kicking of a lifetime! (stops and turns around and asks Rachel) But, is he a big guy?
Chandler: And they don't like it when you explain why your jokes are funny.
MONICA: And, well, don't you have a lot of wild oats to sew? Or is that what you're doing with me? Oh my God, am I an oat?
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels, Rachel is there as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: But people that you don't know and will never see again.
Ross: And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying, because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore.
(Ross steps onto the bottom rung of the ladder and then steps on Joeys chest.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler has the tape measure out and is busy lining up the lamp on the kitchen counter, Ross is supervising the whole operation.]
Rachel: You know Pheebs, when I was little, on my birthday, my daddy would hide a present in every room of the house, and then he would draw a treasure map to help me find 'em all.
Joey: Well this is noodle soup and uh, I've been working with tomato. But that's okay, no problem. No problem. Hmm, noodle soup.
Joey: No, no, no, I'm telling ya. Imagine yourself living in a supermarket and you will understand okay? So the question is, what do we do?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rosss bachelor party. Ross is thanking Joey for the party.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler and Ross are there. Monica enters]
Phoebe: See? And you don't care if people are staring, it's just for a second cause then you're gone!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Janine and Chandler are there]
Rachel: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!
Janine: ...and live forever as a machine!
(They do so and they take off their clothes.)
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Chandler knocks on the front door. Joey answers the door.]
Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, dont go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)
Chandler: (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little box, thats too small to put anything in?