words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: No! No! Its just that he gave me three tickets and there are six of us!
Chandler: And I think Ross is generous too.
Monica and Rachel: (less than enthused) Great.
Phoebe: Its mostly just photographs of lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches.
Ross: Thanks? But I have plans; Elizabeth and I are going out of town.
(And walks up right behind Ross, and standard sitcom joke 2B follows with the person being insulted standing right behind the person doing the insulting while the rest of the people become frightened and try to warn the insulter about the insultees presence.)
Ross: Oh, come on you guys; thats funny! Yknow? Because hes needhes got like a hearing aide yknow, cause-cause yknow, cause hes all old, and
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
Ross: But, Elizabeth and I are-are both adults and so I dont think theres really anything you can do about it.
Paul: Ill call the university and tell them about your relationship and have you fired.
[Scene: A Dry Cleaners, Joey is there with Phoebe and is trying to get his picture put back amongst the other celebrities hanging on the walls.]
Joey: I know. It was so cool when I was up there before. Me and Jim Belushi would just be crackin up about something Then I get fired off of Days Of Our Lives and he takes me down. Now hes just laughing at me. Look at him, that smug Belushi bastard, Ill
(The dry cleaner finishes with the customer in front of Joey and they approach the counter.)
(The dry cleaner just stares at her and she retreats.)
Phoebe: Hey, and then lunch.
(A museum official enters with another man and woman.)
The Museum Official: (to the couple) You can put the aisle over here (points), and put the wedding ceremony right over here. (Points.)
Monica: This would be a beautiful place to get married, yeah, but I wouldnt put the aisle there and I would never have the ceremony there! (Points to both places.) I mean youd have the ceremony under this big beautiful arch. (The arch at the entrance to the room.)
Phoebe: Yeah, but theres a two-year wait. And then what if you get engaged in two years and then you got to wait another two years for this place. Thats four years. Chandlers not gonna wait that long. Hes gonna find somebody else, yknow? Someone, someone who did put their name on the list. (Rachel agrees.)
The Dry Cleaner: Russians! It showed them as terrorists and villains!
Joey: Okay well that may be true. But, in-in okay, Air Force One the Russians were terrorists! And evil! And plus he kills a bunch of them! That-that-thats offensive to Russians.
(The Dry Cleaner stares at him and Joey retreats.)
(They fall to the couch and start to make out, but Ross stops suddenly.)
Ross: (loudly) Why?! Are there like bears or something?! (Looks around and then sees that Elizabeth is shaking her head no and realizes what Elizabeth meant.) Ohh. Oh, protection. Yeah-no, yeah-no, that-that-that I forgot.
Elizabeth: Ill just run to the store and get some.
Elizabeth: Why dont you get in the hot tub and Ill meet you there.
(Elizabeth leaves and Ross starts to remove his clothing right there in the middle of the living room where someone can see him. Of course, someone almost does, but he hears a door opening and )
(Ross with his pants around his ankles tries to run, but Dr. Geller forgets that he has his pants around his ankles and falls down trying to flee.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is reading the newspaper as the phone rings. He lets the machine answer it.]
Chandler: (on machine) Youve reached Monica and Chandlers, if youre listening to this message, were probably screening. (to himself) Yeah we are.
The Museum Official: (on phone) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller. I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available (Chandler runs to answer the phone.)
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, Paul and Rachel are sitting on the couch drinking wine and talking.]
Rachel: I feel like were the only two people in the world. (She sets down her wine class, picks up a walnut, and knocks another one on the floor.) Oops. Sorry. (She reaches down to pick it up and Ross hands it to her. Ross is hiding under the couch and causes Rachel to scream.)
Paul: Okay. Ill be right back. (Gets up and heads for the kitchen.)
Ross: (under the couch) You and your ice.
Rachel: Ugh! Get out! Get out! Go! Come on! (Ross gets up and heads for the kitchen.) No! Not in there! Hes in there! (She points Ross to the door next to the kitchen.)
Rachel: Well, why do yknow go in that room (points to the room Ross is in) and do your homework?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the kitchen table staring at the phone as Monica enters.]
(Monica puts the groceries down and goes to check the answering machine and hears.)
The Museum Official: (on machine) I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available
Joey: Oh really? Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks? (Pause) Youre the other one right? (She thinks about it for a second and nods yes.)
Elizabeth: Ahh, I just have one problem left that I do not know how to solve. Uhh, Rachel maybe you want to come upstairs and help me figure it out?
Rachel: (yelling) So youre gonna be in the car, I will be upstairs, and thats where everybodys gonna be!
(Rachel and Elizabeth go upstairs. Paul starts for the car, but notices his luggage is still out and decides to take in into the bedroom.)
[Cut to his bedroom, Ross is listening at the door as Paul opens the door, trapping Ross behind it. With Pauls back turned Ross coils up like a snake and slitters underneath the bed.]
Paul: (standing in front of a mirror and to himself) Just relax. Just relax Paul, youre doing great. (Ross moves a piece of luggage over so he can watch Paul.) She likes you. She Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Yknow why? Because youre a (pause) neat guy. (Ross cant believe what hes hearing.) You are the man. You are (pause) the man! (He opens his shirt and looks at his chest.) I still got it. Nice and sexy. Youre just a love machine. (Starts singing) Im just a love machine and I wont work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! (Flexes and grunts loudly.) Showtime. (Starts to leave and starts singing.) Im just a love machine, yeah ba-by! (Grunts again and Ross is stunned.)
Monica: The woman from the museum called and said that there was a cancellation and that we could move up our wedding and Chandler heard! (Phoebe gasps.) I know! How bad is this?!
Monica: I know! I know! And he totally freaked out and I cant find him anywhere!
Monica: Well, Im never gonna listen to you again, thats for sure! (Mimicking her.) "Yknow, harm can it do if you go and put your name down?"
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey and Phoebe are entering to see if his picture is on the wall.]
The Dry Cleaner: Thats my wife!!! Get out! (Starts yelling at him in Russian, and Im betting hes not saying pleasant things about him.)
(Ross frantically starts to open the window as Paul enters and traps him halfway out the window.)
Ross: (to Elizabeth) And that is why we cannot see each other anymore.
Paul: Ross. You and I are going to have to have a little talk.
Paul: Let me just see if I got this straight. I tell you to stay away from my daughter or Ill have you fired. What you heard was, "Take my daughter, come up to my country house, and ruin my weekend with Rachel!"
Ross: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. (Paul just looks at him.)
Ross: And I too am just a love machine. (Hums a little bit and mimics Pauls flexing.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is pacing, waiting for Chandler to return. Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Im not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out? A woman named Heldi called and said we were getting married, but that happens everyday. (Does one of those Chandler noises.)
Monica: Honey, we were at this beautiful place, and I-I-I just put our names down for fun! I mean, whats the harm in that?
Monica: Chandler, please dont think I was trying to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel
Chandler: Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Heldi, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7 who are available by the way!
Gunther: Hey! Take these cappuccinos to table 11 and that guy over there (points) wants the biscotti.
Joey: Great! (Takes his coffee and leaves.)
Ross: Yeah see? And you are so excited about moving in together before, and you know what? You should be. It's a big deal!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler enters. Rachel and monica are seated at the table.]
Monica: Well, my breasts are going to get bigger weather you like it or not! And you know what? It's not just my breasts. My ass is going to get bigger too.
Rachel: Man, don't be surprised if her hands and her feet get bigger too!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Emma has fallen asleep in her playpen, and Chandler has fallen asleep right next to her on the floor. He's even sucking on a pacifier.]
Chandler: Alright look, if it means that much to you, a may be able to get on more with the big boobs. But the giant ass and the big clown feet?
Joey: OK so I'm out four thousand dollars and nobody's boobs are getting any bigger?
Rachel: Oh my god Chandler! If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital? With the blood and the screaming and the little present that's shooting out of her!?
Rachel: I dont know, let me think. I was walking down the street thinking, Im gonna tell the father today and then bam!
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Monica is getting Chandler ready for his half of the plan.]
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Ross is helping with the packing, Phoebe and Mike are also there.]
Rachel: (giggles) (To Ross) I can imagine you in a short plaid skirt and knee socks.
(Chandler, Monica, Joey and Rachel are carrying a couch through the door)
Phoebe: I haven't exactly had a normal life and I never really felt I was missing out on anything but it just feels that now it's my turn some of the regular stuff.
Phoebe: Because I just didn't know how much I wanted it. And I love you, and I wanted to live with you.
[Scene: Ross' apartment , Chandler and Joey enter]
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is struggling with the fridge. He finally gets it open and falls on the floor]
Chandler: Great, a faster way to tell people that I'm unemployed and childless .
Ross: Uh uh... well, her Internet Company went under and she lost an ear in a boating accident...
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment]
Rachel: She was just crawling around and she found him, so I just let her sleep with him. That's all right? Isn't it?
Phoebe: Ok. I mean I know I did the right thing. You know, Mike never wants to get married and I shouldn't be in a relationship that has no future... but... pretty soon I'm gonna miss him so much. I'm gonna wanna see him again and you have to stop me from doing that.
Rachel: Well, first of all, Paulo and I are not back together. It was just a stupid thing I did, and if I could go back in time and do it again, well, I wouldn't. Um, second of all (Ross is laughing), what?
Phoebe: That was a test and you just failed.
[Scene: Rachel's room. Rachel and Emma are sleeping; Joey sneaks in and approaches the crib]
ROSS: It's just, it's, it's me. You, you know I've only been with one woman my whole life and she turned out to be a lesbian. So now I've got myself all psyched out, you know, and it's become, like this, this thing and I. . . Well, you just must think I'm weird.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is looking at the screen of his laptop, shaking his head.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Chandler is seated in the chair and Monica stands behind the sofa.]
Chandler: Hang up, hang up. And that was a great movie! (Monica hangs up) I'm so gonna get back at Ross... oh yeah, this will show him, here we go (starts typing something).
[Time lapse, still Chandler and Monica's, but only Chandler is there. Enter Ross]
(They run for Phoebe's purse, Phoebe gets there first and takes the cell. Monica tries to take it away from her)
Monica: And now your cell.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's. Enter Joey]
(they fight a little, the phone falls and Monica picks it up)
Joey: Hey, look who's here! It's Joey, and he brought home a friend.
Ross: Well, when you're subletting an apartment from your wife's cousin and then you get a divorce, sometimes the cousin suddenly wants his apartment back.
Rachel: Should I be concerned that a button fell off the old Hugsy and I can't find it?
(Monica opens the door and Mike is standing at the doorway)
Mike: Look, if I wanna see Phoebe and she wants to see...
Phoebe: Okay (she takes a huge, clearly obsolete cellphone she keeps in a closet and gives it to Monica)
Monica: Sure! If you're just gonna hang out as friends, then maybe I'll join ya. You know, I'm your friend (to Phoebe) and Mike's friend (Mike is sceptical).
(Phoebe and Mike sit next to each other)
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Carol is working on something at the table and Ross is reading a newspaper on the couch.]
Monica: You know, on the way over here, I saw this drunk guy throw up. And then a pigeon ate it!
BEST MAN: What, (to Barry) you hired the same band I can't use the same speech. (gets a 'da-doom-chesh' from the drummer) Thank you, thank you very much. Anyway, I wish you both a wonderful life together. And Rachel...
Ross: uhu uhu, check this out. (Chandler sits down and looks at laptop screen)
Chandler: Huh! So that's what I would look like if I worked out... and was being serviced by a policeman. You're not actually going to send these out are ya?
Ross: Exactly!! (sits back down at his laptop and starts typing)
Ross: What are you talking about? You get sixty responses just for coming out of the closet! I didn't get one response! And I'm dead!
Ross: oh, too late, too late! It's sent... oops sorry and so is the picture of you and the police man...
[Flashback to 710 - TOW The Holiday Armadillo] [Scene: Monica, Chandler and Phoebe's, Ross is costumed as an Armadillo.]
Joey: Alright!! Fine! It's original Hugsy! No, now I know that Emma wants him but he's mine and I need him..
Rachel: Yeah! And she's comforted by him because she loves her uncle Joey so much.
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross and Chandler are in their tuxes and have started to fake the pictures.]
Ross: Well, um, actually, I-I took her to the planetarium. Thats-thats where we had our first date. Um, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies, her favorite flower
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment: Phoebe, Monica and Mike sitting on the couch]
Monica: And I blame you too.
Joey: Err...Well I...Know how much you used to make and I know how much your rent is. (shrugs)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment]
Monica: Oh (realizes her pants are undone and zips them up)!
(Chandler and Monica go open the door)
Ross: Ok, ok! I'm gonna go hide! Oh, this is so exciting, my first mourner! (he hides in the bedroom and closes the door)
Chandler: You gave them one day's notice, not everyone in our class checks the web site everyday and Monica... it's probably the way you stand!
Ross: (coming in) I'm dead and no one cares?
Chandler: Oh, that's not true. You had an impact on me, I mean, it's 15 years later and we're still best friends. Doesn't that count for something?
Chandler: I didn't know Ross and you were so close.
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. What was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window.)
Kori: I thought so many times about calling him and asking him out. I guess I really missed my chance.
Kori: We weren't but we had one class together. He was such a great guy and he talked so passionately about science. I always remembered him.
[Scene: Chandler's hotel room, he's sitting there with Joey who's talking about his helmet and running his hand through that feathery thing at the top.]
Kori: You sick freak, who does that? I can't believe I had a crush on you! (she leaves and slams the door behind her)
Monica: And what else is it not?
Rachel: Yeah me too. oh! I have an idea. Why don't we all pitch in 50 bucks, we'll pool our money together and then if we win, we'll split it!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen]
(phone starts ringing and Chandler comes running out of the bathroom)
Joey: Have a seat. (Mike sits on his bed, and Joey towers over him. He starts talking in an Italian godfather-type voice) Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family... and instead, you disrespect me... (shakes his head) I cannot allow this.
Joey: (sounding panicky)Oh my god Ross! You don't have Emma! And Rachel you don't have Emma! (Starts yelling) Where's Emma? Who has Emma!?
Rachel: Oh er... well you know Emma started crawling? I realised that this place, is very unsafe for a baby. So I went to the store and got some stuff to baby-proof the apartment.
Phoebe: (excited)Hey you guys! Ok, you're not going to believe this! I just saw my psychic and she said I was definitely gonna win the lottery tonight!
Ross: I went thru this with Ben and Carol. One cup of coffee won't affect your milk.
(Phoebe and Joey both grab one side of the wishbone)
Rachel, Chandler and Monica: Please, just do it!
Ross: Ok, I've heard myself on tape and I sound nothing like that.
Monica: Because I know that you think the lottery is "boohaki" but we're all here and gonna watch the numbers and have fun. And you're my brother, and I want you to be a part of this.
Joey: Ooh, ooh, I know! We should pool all own money and buy the Knicks!
Ross: You don't have to do that, I'll pay for myself. But just the fact that you want me to have fun with you guys - that's so sweet! Come here (they kiss and hug)
Monica: Ok, fine!! I bought 20 extra tickets for me and Chandler.
Rachel: Ok, well Monica, suppose one of your "special" tickets win? How are you gonna feel when you win the lottery and you lose all your friends?
Monica: Fine! Don't be my friends! I'll buy new friends! Yeah, and then I'll pay for their plastic surgery so they'd look just like you!
Monica: No, no! We should divide them up (picks up the bowl) and I should get extra because we used my card to buy them!
Phoebe: (she takes the bowl from Rachel's hands and she starts running around the room and yelling) OOOOOHHHHH!
Phoebe: (keeping on running and yelling) OOOOOHHHHH! (she stops) Fine, I can't take it anymore! I'm putting an end to this! (she goes out to the balcony)
Phoebe: Oh, you guys! We've got to keep all the tickets together (takes the bowl from Ross and puts it on the table)
Phoebe: If we are not doing it together, we're not doing it at all! So, say goodbye to your tickets! (She holds out the bowl, and makes as to drop the tickets on the street).
Monica: They're all in there! Even these five that I hid in my bra (takes some tickets out of her bra and gives them to Phoebe)...
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.]
Joey: I would, but this is a nice place and my T-shirt has a picture of Calvin doing Hobbs.
Phoebe: What a beautiful night to be running around the street, looking for tickets. And the wind sure made it fun.
Rachel: (To Ross) You know what? We should call my mum's house and say goodnight to Emma before she goes down.
Joey: And what did she say?