words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: No! No! Its just that he gave me three tickets and there are six of us!
Chandler: And I think Ross is generous too.
Monica and Rachel: (less than enthused) Great.
Phoebe: Its mostly just photographs of lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches.
Ross: Thanks? But I have plans; Elizabeth and I are going out of town.
(And walks up right behind Ross, and standard sitcom joke 2B follows with the person being insulted standing right behind the person doing the insulting while the rest of the people become frightened and try to warn the insulter about the insultees presence.)
Ross: Oh, come on you guys; thats funny! Yknow? Because hes needhes got like a hearing aide yknow, cause-cause yknow, cause hes all old, and
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
Ross: But, Elizabeth and I are-are both adults and so I dont think theres really anything you can do about it.
Paul: Ill call the university and tell them about your relationship and have you fired.
[Scene: A Dry Cleaners, Joey is there with Phoebe and is trying to get his picture put back amongst the other celebrities hanging on the walls.]
Joey: I know. It was so cool when I was up there before. Me and Jim Belushi would just be crackin up about something Then I get fired off of Days Of Our Lives and he takes me down. Now hes just laughing at me. Look at him, that smug Belushi bastard, Ill
(The dry cleaner finishes with the customer in front of Joey and they approach the counter.)
(The dry cleaner just stares at her and she retreats.)
Phoebe: Hey, and then lunch.
(A museum official enters with another man and woman.)
The Museum Official: (to the couple) You can put the aisle over here (points), and put the wedding ceremony right over here. (Points.)
Monica: This would be a beautiful place to get married, yeah, but I wouldnt put the aisle there and I would never have the ceremony there! (Points to both places.) I mean youd have the ceremony under this big beautiful arch. (The arch at the entrance to the room.)
Phoebe: Yeah, but theres a two-year wait. And then what if you get engaged in two years and then you got to wait another two years for this place. Thats four years. Chandlers not gonna wait that long. Hes gonna find somebody else, yknow? Someone, someone who did put their name on the list. (Rachel agrees.)
The Dry Cleaner: Russians! It showed them as terrorists and villains!
Joey: Okay well that may be true. But, in-in okay, Air Force One the Russians were terrorists! And evil! And plus he kills a bunch of them! That-that-thats offensive to Russians.
(The Dry Cleaner stares at him and Joey retreats.)
(They fall to the couch and start to make out, but Ross stops suddenly.)
Ross: (loudly) Why?! Are there like bears or something?! (Looks around and then sees that Elizabeth is shaking her head no and realizes what Elizabeth meant.) Ohh. Oh, protection. Yeah-no, yeah-no, that-that-that I forgot.
Elizabeth: Ill just run to the store and get some.
Elizabeth: Why dont you get in the hot tub and Ill meet you there.
(Elizabeth leaves and Ross starts to remove his clothing right there in the middle of the living room where someone can see him. Of course, someone almost does, but he hears a door opening and )
(Ross with his pants around his ankles tries to run, but Dr. Geller forgets that he has his pants around his ankles and falls down trying to flee.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is reading the newspaper as the phone rings. He lets the machine answer it.]
Chandler: (on machine) Youve reached Monica and Chandlers, if youre listening to this message, were probably screening. (to himself) Yeah we are.
The Museum Official: (on phone) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller. I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available (Chandler runs to answer the phone.)
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, Paul and Rachel are sitting on the couch drinking wine and talking.]
Rachel: I feel like were the only two people in the world. (She sets down her wine class, picks up a walnut, and knocks another one on the floor.) Oops. Sorry. (She reaches down to pick it up and Ross hands it to her. Ross is hiding under the couch and causes Rachel to scream.)
Paul: Okay. Ill be right back. (Gets up and heads for the kitchen.)
Ross: (under the couch) You and your ice.
Rachel: Ugh! Get out! Get out! Go! Come on! (Ross gets up and heads for the kitchen.) No! Not in there! Hes in there! (She points Ross to the door next to the kitchen.)
Rachel: Well, why do yknow go in that room (points to the room Ross is in) and do your homework?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the kitchen table staring at the phone as Monica enters.]
(Monica puts the groceries down and goes to check the answering machine and hears.)
The Museum Official: (on machine) I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available
Joey: Oh really? Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks? (Pause) Youre the other one right? (She thinks about it for a second and nods yes.)
Elizabeth: Ahh, I just have one problem left that I do not know how to solve. Uhh, Rachel maybe you want to come upstairs and help me figure it out?
Rachel: (yelling) So youre gonna be in the car, I will be upstairs, and thats where everybodys gonna be!
(Rachel and Elizabeth go upstairs. Paul starts for the car, but notices his luggage is still out and decides to take in into the bedroom.)
[Cut to his bedroom, Ross is listening at the door as Paul opens the door, trapping Ross behind it. With Pauls back turned Ross coils up like a snake and slitters underneath the bed.]
Paul: (standing in front of a mirror and to himself) Just relax. Just relax Paul, youre doing great. (Ross moves a piece of luggage over so he can watch Paul.) She likes you. She Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Yknow why? Because youre a (pause) neat guy. (Ross cant believe what hes hearing.) You are the man. You are (pause) the man! (He opens his shirt and looks at his chest.) I still got it. Nice and sexy. Youre just a love machine. (Starts singing) Im just a love machine and I wont work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! (Flexes and grunts loudly.) Showtime. (Starts to leave and starts singing.) Im just a love machine, yeah ba-by! (Grunts again and Ross is stunned.)
Monica: The woman from the museum called and said that there was a cancellation and that we could move up our wedding and Chandler heard! (Phoebe gasps.) I know! How bad is this?!
Monica: I know! I know! And he totally freaked out and I cant find him anywhere!
Monica: Well, Im never gonna listen to you again, thats for sure! (Mimicking her.) "Yknow, harm can it do if you go and put your name down?"
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey and Phoebe are entering to see if his picture is on the wall.]
The Dry Cleaner: Thats my wife!!! Get out! (Starts yelling at him in Russian, and Im betting hes not saying pleasant things about him.)
(Ross frantically starts to open the window as Paul enters and traps him halfway out the window.)
Ross: (to Elizabeth) And that is why we cannot see each other anymore.
Paul: Ross. You and I are going to have to have a little talk.
Paul: Let me just see if I got this straight. I tell you to stay away from my daughter or Ill have you fired. What you heard was, "Take my daughter, come up to my country house, and ruin my weekend with Rachel!"
Ross: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. (Paul just looks at him.)
Ross: And I too am just a love machine. (Hums a little bit and mimics Pauls flexing.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is pacing, waiting for Chandler to return. Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Im not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out? A woman named Heldi called and said we were getting married, but that happens everyday. (Does one of those Chandler noises.)
Monica: Honey, we were at this beautiful place, and I-I-I just put our names down for fun! I mean, whats the harm in that?
Monica: Chandler, please dont think I was trying to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel
Chandler: Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Heldi, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7 who are available by the way!
Gunther: Hey! Take these cappuccinos to table 11 and that guy over there (points) wants the biscotti.
Joey: Great! (Takes his coffee and leaves.)
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Joey and Rachel enter the room]
Rachel: Ok, good-bye you guys. Thanks for everything. (she starts to leave, and hits everyone with her skis) Oh, sorry! Oh, sorry!
(The elevator doors opens, Bob boards the elevator, Chandler walks away, and Mr. Franklin steps out of the elevator.)
Joey and Rachel: Okay
(Joey and Rachel start kissing)
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Monica and Phoebe are reading magazines when the phone rings and Phoebe reaches to pick it up]
Ross: I thought I heard voices! Hi Charlie! (Kisses her.) Hi Joey. (Hugs him.) And.. Oh! You're gonna have to introduce me to your new girlfriend. (Laughs.) I'm just kidding, I know Rachel, I know. (He squeezes her hand.) Come, please come in. Come in.
Chandler: Hang on, she’s right here. (he enters the living room and hands the phone to Monica) Someone's on the phone, for ya.
Monica: And you would?
Rachel: Ah, what is this? Well, lets see, we kissed for ten minutes and now we're talking to our friends about it, so I guess this is sixth grade!
Rachel and Joey: Okay.
Rachel: Absolutely! Absolutely. I d... it’s just a little weird, it’s you, and it’s me, it's just gonna take some getting used to.
[scene: Joey’s apartment. Joey and Rachel are sitting on the couch]
Ross: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.
Joey: I'm sorry! (He stands up) This never happened to me before! I'm an expert at taking off bras! I can do it with one hand! I can do it with my eyes closed! One time I just looked at one, and it popped open! I blame your bra!
Chandler: What? No, I want to watch this. (He turns on the television and the screen is completely covered in snow). Did your cable go out?
(They start kissing and Joey starts to undo her bra, but fails completely)
Monica: How could you mess this up? It's so easy? You go into the booth, you count to five and you turn around!!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment]
Phoebe: Because I was ashamed ok? I sold out for the cash! And then they give me benefits like medical, and dental, and a 401K. But you know... you pay a price. Now I'm this Corporate stooge and punching a clock and Ugh! paying taxes!
Ross: (Yells) Damnit! (Goes to the door to leave. Rachel just enters, sees him and starts laughing)
Rachel: Oh, ju-ju-just stay calm. Just be calm. For all he knows we're just hanging out together. Right? Just be nonchalant. (Joey like stands at attention with his chest forward and his hands on his sides, looking up at the ceiling with his lips pouted.) That's not nonchalant!
Rachel: Well, it was good.. until we got back to our apartment, and then we were fooling around and he started to put his hand up my leg and I kept slapping it away!
Rachel: I do not know what's wrong with us, I mean, we have kissed before and that's been great! But this time it was leading somewhere and I was very aware of the fact that it was Joey touching me.
Rachel: (To Joey) No need!! Problem solved, we are powering through (At which point she grabs his hand and pulls him back to their apartment).
Amanda: Hi! (Phoebe and Amanda hug)
Monica: Well, what do you think of Mike and Chandler being in a car accident?
Monica: (beaming) Yeah! Yeah! His name is Chandler and...
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, dont hold back. (He dons his protective helmet (Why, I have no clue.) and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)
Phoebe: (Also gets up and starts taking her purse) Oh my God. Was Mike with him?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment.]
Monica: Nope! (She turns and leaves)
Rachel: Ok (starts to light some candles) Sexy, sexy, very sexy, sexy. (Claps her hands and jumps at Joey, clearly very excited) Alright! Lets do it!
Monica: (Into the phone) Hello? Chandler, what's wrong? (She listens) Oh my God, are you alright? (listens some more) Yeah, I'll be right there. (She hangs up and speaks to Amanda) I'm so sorry, but Chandler was in a car accident. (She gets up)
Rachel: You like that? (She climbs on the barcalounger seductively, putting her knees next to Joey's hips.) Let's take this into high gear (She pulls the barcalounger lever and seat reclines. She puts one of her knees between his legs and begins to kiss his neck.)
Phoebe: Left! (Rachel hands her the napkin in her left hand and they both unfold and read them.) Thank you.
[Monica and Chandlers apartment.]
(Phoebe and Amanda walk in)
Phoebe: You're also so generous and kind and scrappy!
(They both walk to the door and enter the hallway.)
Phoebe: Yeah, you are. And I'm so glad that you fought your way back in, because I don't know what I would do without you.
Joey: (walking to a table with many badges on it) I know we're not, but (he picks up a badge) Frank Medeio and... (picks up another badge) Eva Trorro... womba...
(Ross enters the room, takes off his robe and enters the booth. He stands with his back to the nozzles and then realises that this booth has nozzles at both sides of the wall)
Glenda: Now, let me explain how this works. You go into the booth, and...
Ross: I'm gonna stop you right there, Glenda. Okay? Does it look like this is my first time, huh? Now I want 4 two's... and I want them all on my back.
(Monica and Phoebe look at each other and leave the apartment again)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's]
(He then stops turning, facing one of the nozzles, which starts spraying in this face and front again.)
Rachel: Yeah, and if doesn't work, then we'll be just one of those couples that never have sex.
(Rachel and Joey are still looking at Chandler, slowly letting his words get to them)
Joey: Yeah, so we just keep trying and trying until we... do it.
(She puts her head on Joey's shoulder and Joey kisses her on her head.)
Rachel: I wonder how Monica and Chandler could do it?
Joey: And youll be topless?
(They both stare for a while, and then look at each other)
(Ross walks to the door and opens it.)
Written by: Dana Klein Produced by: Robert Carlock and Wendy Knoller Transcribed by: Coffee Mug, Eleonora, Sebastiano & Vanessa
Chandler: Gee if only she were one and had no idea what the hell a birthday was!
Ross, Rachel and Chandler: Hey!
(Chandler holds up a camera and takes Ross's picture.)
Rachel: And I mean, you know, you guys... This is a big deal. I mean, how can we have her first birthday party without her aunt and her uncle!
Rachel: Oh, good, good! We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she is 18.
[Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment]
Rachel and Phoebe: Hi!
Ross: Ah, and where is Joey?
Phoebe: Oh, just think... she's gonna be watching that video on a TV that hasn't even been invented yet! With friends who right now are just like babies! And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built to escape the ant people!
Joey: And starting to think about settling down!
(Monica and Chandler enter)
Monica: All right... you're right. We're sorry. Now let's wake up Emma and get the fun time started!
Rachel: Look, I know that you guys really want to get to Vermont and this isn't a really big deal to you, but it really is to us, ok? Emma will never have a first birthday again.
Jack and Judy: HI!
Joey: Hey Mr. and Mrs. Geller! Let me help you with that.
Monica: I've got a plan. I've got a plan. I'm going to ram this platter really hard into your ribs. You're gonna scream out and that'll wake her up!
Monica: I know...God. I haven't seen my savings take a hit like this since I was a kid and they came up with double-stuffed Oreos. What happened to all our money?
Rachel: (to everybody) All right, let’s get this party started, huh? Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform a little something for us.
Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, thats not enough. Look, I studying kara-tay for a long time, and theres a concept you should really be familiar with. Its what the Japanese call (he holds two fingers up to his temple, and he does this every time he says this word) unagi.
Judy: Yes, you’ll be all grown up by then. We’ll be... Well your grandfather and I might not be here.
Joey: (realizing) Oh, that's what she meant! (pause) You know, if they're gonna shorten it, they should call it the MUSE! You know, short for museum, and avoid all the confusion!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are there. Phoebe's cell phone rings.]
(Ross, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen area)
(They run to the bedroom and close the door carefully just as Joey enters.)
Chandler: What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing.
Monica: We're Aunt Monica and uncle Chandler, by the way. You may not recognize us, because we haven't spoken to your parents in seventeen years!
Ross: Hey Mon, that was really nice of you to loan Rachel your car so she could go and get the cake.
Monica: Ross, Rachel promised it would be over by now. We seriously have to go, if we want to get to Vermont. I called them and the last train leaves in a half hour.
(Chandler walks by and Joey lets out an evil "muhahaho".)
Joey: Got it! (Goes towards the front door and stands with his back to it) Hey hey hey! (to Chandler) Where do you think you're going?
Phoebe: And you know, I have a massage client soon.
Monica: No! Wait! If anybody gets to go.. it's us (Points at herself and Chandler) We've been complaining the longest!
Ross: (Into receiver) Hello? (listens) Oh no! What happened? (listens some more) Ok ok, where are you? (Grabs a pen and starts writing). Ok, I'll be right there. (Puts the phone down)
Chandler: (Yelling) What are you doing? Get the hell out of here! (Phoebe and Joey come out looking shocked)
Monica: Yeah, and we've paid for a room, that we're supposed to be in right now!
Phoebe: Well, oh, ok now... Only one of us has to stay with Emma. Ok, and as the person who realized that, I get to go!
Monica: Ok, how about this: We got wind up toys for Emma for her birthday. We can make them race, and whoever comes in last, stays!
Monica: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!
(While Phoebe's bear is still in the lead, it is now closely followed by Joey's robot. Chandler and Monica's dog however, sits down, barking... and does a backflip.)
Wendy: I was, uh, checking out that insurance company's Christmas party on three, oh, it was really beautiful, they have all these decorations and this huge tree and I just, uh... to hell with them, we have to work. -- So I stole ther ham. (She turns the cardboard box upside down over the conference table, a big piece of ham falls out.)
Joey: Ok, ladies and gentlemen, wind your toys! (they do so)
(Joey and Phoebe leave for the door)
(The assistant leaves and Ross goes back in the spray-on tan booth and turns his back to the spray nozzles, facing the back wall)