words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: No! No! Its just that he gave me three tickets and there are six of us!
Chandler: And I think Ross is generous too.
Monica and Rachel: (less than enthused) Great.
Phoebe: Its mostly just photographs of lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches.
Ross: Thanks? But I have plans; Elizabeth and I are going out of town.
(And walks up right behind Ross, and standard sitcom joke 2B follows with the person being insulted standing right behind the person doing the insulting while the rest of the people become frightened and try to warn the insulter about the insultees presence.)
Ross: Oh, come on you guys; thats funny! Yknow? Because hes needhes got like a hearing aide yknow, cause-cause yknow, cause hes all old, and
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
Ross: But, Elizabeth and I are-are both adults and so I dont think theres really anything you can do about it.
Paul: Ill call the university and tell them about your relationship and have you fired.
[Scene: A Dry Cleaners, Joey is there with Phoebe and is trying to get his picture put back amongst the other celebrities hanging on the walls.]
Joey: I know. It was so cool when I was up there before. Me and Jim Belushi would just be crackin up about something Then I get fired off of Days Of Our Lives and he takes me down. Now hes just laughing at me. Look at him, that smug Belushi bastard, Ill
(The dry cleaner finishes with the customer in front of Joey and they approach the counter.)
(The dry cleaner just stares at her and she retreats.)
Phoebe: Hey, and then lunch.
(A museum official enters with another man and woman.)
The Museum Official: (to the couple) You can put the aisle over here (points), and put the wedding ceremony right over here. (Points.)
Monica: This would be a beautiful place to get married, yeah, but I wouldnt put the aisle there and I would never have the ceremony there! (Points to both places.) I mean youd have the ceremony under this big beautiful arch. (The arch at the entrance to the room.)
Phoebe: Yeah, but theres a two-year wait. And then what if you get engaged in two years and then you got to wait another two years for this place. Thats four years. Chandlers not gonna wait that long. Hes gonna find somebody else, yknow? Someone, someone who did put their name on the list. (Rachel agrees.)
The Dry Cleaner: Russians! It showed them as terrorists and villains!
Joey: Okay well that may be true. But, in-in okay, Air Force One the Russians were terrorists! And evil! And plus he kills a bunch of them! That-that-thats offensive to Russians.
(The Dry Cleaner stares at him and Joey retreats.)
(They fall to the couch and start to make out, but Ross stops suddenly.)
Ross: (loudly) Why?! Are there like bears or something?! (Looks around and then sees that Elizabeth is shaking her head no and realizes what Elizabeth meant.) Ohh. Oh, protection. Yeah-no, yeah-no, that-that-that I forgot.
Elizabeth: Ill just run to the store and get some.
Elizabeth: Why dont you get in the hot tub and Ill meet you there.
(Elizabeth leaves and Ross starts to remove his clothing right there in the middle of the living room where someone can see him. Of course, someone almost does, but he hears a door opening and )
(Ross with his pants around his ankles tries to run, but Dr. Geller forgets that he has his pants around his ankles and falls down trying to flee.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is reading the newspaper as the phone rings. He lets the machine answer it.]
Chandler: (on machine) Youve reached Monica and Chandlers, if youre listening to this message, were probably screening. (to himself) Yeah we are.
The Museum Official: (on phone) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller. I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available (Chandler runs to answer the phone.)
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, Paul and Rachel are sitting on the couch drinking wine and talking.]
Rachel: I feel like were the only two people in the world. (She sets down her wine class, picks up a walnut, and knocks another one on the floor.) Oops. Sorry. (She reaches down to pick it up and Ross hands it to her. Ross is hiding under the couch and causes Rachel to scream.)
Paul: Okay. Ill be right back. (Gets up and heads for the kitchen.)
Ross: (under the couch) You and your ice.
Rachel: Ugh! Get out! Get out! Go! Come on! (Ross gets up and heads for the kitchen.) No! Not in there! Hes in there! (She points Ross to the door next to the kitchen.)
Rachel: Well, why do yknow go in that room (points to the room Ross is in) and do your homework?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the kitchen table staring at the phone as Monica enters.]
(Monica puts the groceries down and goes to check the answering machine and hears.)
The Museum Official: (on machine) I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available
Joey: Oh really? Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks? (Pause) Youre the other one right? (She thinks about it for a second and nods yes.)
Elizabeth: Ahh, I just have one problem left that I do not know how to solve. Uhh, Rachel maybe you want to come upstairs and help me figure it out?
Rachel: (yelling) So youre gonna be in the car, I will be upstairs, and thats where everybodys gonna be!
(Rachel and Elizabeth go upstairs. Paul starts for the car, but notices his luggage is still out and decides to take in into the bedroom.)
[Cut to his bedroom, Ross is listening at the door as Paul opens the door, trapping Ross behind it. With Pauls back turned Ross coils up like a snake and slitters underneath the bed.]
Paul: (standing in front of a mirror and to himself) Just relax. Just relax Paul, youre doing great. (Ross moves a piece of luggage over so he can watch Paul.) She likes you. She Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Yknow why? Because youre a (pause) neat guy. (Ross cant believe what hes hearing.) You are the man. You are (pause) the man! (He opens his shirt and looks at his chest.) I still got it. Nice and sexy. Youre just a love machine. (Starts singing) Im just a love machine and I wont work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! (Flexes and grunts loudly.) Showtime. (Starts to leave and starts singing.) Im just a love machine, yeah ba-by! (Grunts again and Ross is stunned.)
Monica: The woman from the museum called and said that there was a cancellation and that we could move up our wedding and Chandler heard! (Phoebe gasps.) I know! How bad is this?!
Monica: I know! I know! And he totally freaked out and I cant find him anywhere!
Monica: Well, Im never gonna listen to you again, thats for sure! (Mimicking her.) "Yknow, harm can it do if you go and put your name down?"
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey and Phoebe are entering to see if his picture is on the wall.]
The Dry Cleaner: Thats my wife!!! Get out! (Starts yelling at him in Russian, and Im betting hes not saying pleasant things about him.)
(Ross frantically starts to open the window as Paul enters and traps him halfway out the window.)
Ross: (to Elizabeth) And that is why we cannot see each other anymore.
Paul: Ross. You and I are going to have to have a little talk.
Paul: Let me just see if I got this straight. I tell you to stay away from my daughter or Ill have you fired. What you heard was, "Take my daughter, come up to my country house, and ruin my weekend with Rachel!"
Ross: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. (Paul just looks at him.)
Ross: And I too am just a love machine. (Hums a little bit and mimics Pauls flexing.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is pacing, waiting for Chandler to return. Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Im not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out? A woman named Heldi called and said we were getting married, but that happens everyday. (Does one of those Chandler noises.)
Monica: Honey, we were at this beautiful place, and I-I-I just put our names down for fun! I mean, whats the harm in that?
Monica: Chandler, please dont think I was trying to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel
Chandler: Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Heldi, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7 who are available by the way!
Gunther: Hey! Take these cappuccinos to table 11 and that guy over there (points) wants the biscotti.
Joey: Great! (Takes his coffee and leaves.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are sorting their CDs.]
[Scene: A restaurant, Phoebe and Jim are on their date.]
Phoebe: Oh okay, well Im a masseuse, and I used to work at this place
Jim: And your breasts! Hmm!!!
Chandler: (singing) The sunll come out tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow (The girls start laughing, and in a deep voice) therell be sun.
Phoebe: All right. (Gets up and walks out.)
Chandler and Monica: What?!
Joey: Not a problem. Oh, and just so you know, that guys not going to be bothering you about that baby thing anymore.
Joey: And you couldnt think of anything else?!
Rachel: Well, she told me too! (Points to Monica and Joey glares at her.)
[Scene: Monas Apartment, she and her date are making out as Ross flips through a magazine while lying behind the couch and sees something that he likes. Meanwhile, Monas date takes off Rosss shirt and Mona throws it on the floor. While they start making out again, Ross tries to pull the rug the shirt is on over to him, but while he does that he moves the coffee table and it bumps into the couch.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang is watching Sumo wrestling on TV.]
Phoebe: Yeah, we both can. And we both will.
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Monica are walking down it.]
Phoebe: A new grocery store. The universe said I was going to meet a nice guy and thats what they gave me? (Looks up) When I get up there Im going to kick some ass.
Joey: Somebody opened the door to the coffee house and a raccoon came running in, went straight for your muffin and I said "Hey don't eat that-that's Phoebe's" and he said.. <pause> He said.. "Joey you stink at lying." What am I going to do?
Monica: Are you kidding? This is where they get out stains! Okay? This is like Disneyland for me. Im-Im gonna be over here watching the dance of the clean shirts. (She points to and walks over to the electric clothes rack they have.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching Joey pace nervously as Rachel enters.]
(They both go back into their old rooms and shut the doors. Of course, Chandler has to close both sections of his door.)
(Monica (Courtney Cox) and Chandler (Matthew Perry) are laughing. That then causes Lisa and Jennifer come out of character and start laughing hysterically. And that finally causes David Schwimmer to come out of character and start laughing as well. Matthew decides to sing along now as well.)
Phoebe: A little. (She turns around and looks up.) (To the universe) Now youre talking.
Guy: Would you like to go out and have a cup of coffee?
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is ordering something over the phone from a catalog.]
Joey: Me too. I mean I havent thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didnt feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward.
Mona: Yeah, you still have feelings for me. And-and to be honest, I-I still have feelings for you. And I wish that we can work it out Ross, but we cant. Its too complicated with you and Rachel and the baby, I-I just It just wasnt meant to be.
Monica: (To Ross) Oh, by the way. Would it be okay if I gave the toast to mom and dad this year?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's balcony, Ross and Phoebe are grilling some burgers and hot dogs.]
Chandler: And you wonder why Ross is their favorite?
Monica: Yes! Every year Ross makes the toast, and its always really moving, and always makes them cry. Well this year Im going to make them cry.
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas, theyre getting ready to leave for the party.]
(Phoebe and Parker enter)
Phoebe: Well, his name is Parker and I met him at the drycleaners.
Ross: Im, Im sorry you didnt get to go to Spacecamp, and Im hoping that maybe somehow, this may make up for it. Presenting Sarah Tuttles Private Very Special Spacecamp!! (opens the door and Chandler and Joey jump up, their apartment is decorated like outer space, one of the leather chairs is covered in tinfoil.)
(Ross, Joey, and Rachel enter)
Parker: No, no, no wait! Dont tell me. Let me guess. (Points as he says their names) Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel and, Im sorry Phoebe didnt mention you. (Chandler makes a face) Chandler, Im kidding all ready youre my favorite!
Ross: Ya wanna hang back and take our own cab?
Monica: And Ive got the car keys.
(Everyone except Ross and Rachel leave.)
[Scene: The Anniversary Party, Ross and Rachel are arriving and see his parents.]
Woman: (To Ross and Rachel) Congratulations you two!
Mr. and Mrs. Geller: Hi
Woman: And also, congratulations on your wedding.
Ross and Rachel: What?!
Ross and Rachel: Hmmmm .
Aunt Lisa: Congratulations on the baby, and on the wedding
Rachel: No, I know I dont either, but ya know what, its their party, and its just one night. And we dont even have to lie; we just wont say anything. If it comes up again, well just smile. Well nod along.
Parker: Dahaaa! (Punches Chandler in the arm and he makes a face of pain.) Im going to find the mens room, be right back.
Ross: Absolutely. (Very Squeaky.) I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, (deep voice) I'm fine. I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised to see you guys kissing. I mean, at first I was like.. (Screams.) But now that I've had time to absorb it; Lovin' this.
Joey: Uh.. <forgetting what the work thing was, rolls up his sleeve on his right arm and shows Phoebe, she looks>
Ross and Rachel's Apartment.
Ross: No, no, it was just our parents and 1 or 2 friends. It was a small wedding.
Ross: You know, I hate to lecture you guys, but it's kinda disgraceful, that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. Did you ever see a map, or one of those round, colorful things called "a globe?" Hmm?
[Scene: The Anniversary Party, Ross and Rachel have just gotten another wedding present.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's room, they've pretty much consumed the entire mini-bar. Needless to say, they're feeling no pain and are still playing blackjack.]
(Cut to Phoebe and Parker)
(Cut to Monica and Chandler)
Chandler: Ya know if you want to, I can just hold them down and you could (Punches the air).
(Cut to Rachel and Ross)
Rachel: Well, not at first, but it was very intricate work and they said even though they lost their sight, it was all worth it.
(Cut to Phoebe and Joey)
(Various oohs and ahhs)
Rachel: And the ring, was the size of my fist (makes a fist)!
Joey: I guess it couldve been, I didnt really look at it. Yknow, I just wiped it on Chandlers coat and got the hell out of there.
[Scene: A Street, Ross is walking past a newsstand and sees Rachel.]
(Chandler and Joey enter from the vending machines carrying sodas.)
[Scene: Phoebes apartment, Parker and her are entering.]
[Scene: Rachels office, Tag and her are planning how to get the review back.]
Amy: Hello? Yeah, um. Hang on one sec. <to Ross and Rachel> Can I take this upstairs?
Phoebe: But, lets play this one first. And remember whoever talks first loses!
Phoebe: Yeah? I know! I know! Uh huh? Listen why dont we just um, sit and relax? You know just be with each other. Quietly!
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, theyre returning from the party.]
Phoebe: So long! Dont let the best door in the world hit you in the ass on your way out! (He exits and she slams the door behind him.)
(Theres a knock on door, and Phoebe opens it.)
Rachel: Are you kidding?! With the, with the lilies, and-and the song, and the stars! It was really wonderful! Did you just make that up?
Chandler: She's smart and funny, y'know? We were up all last night talking, she said the funniest thing about--what?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are there.]
Monica: Okay thats it. I give up. At mom and dads 40th anniversary, youre the one giving the speech.
Rachel: So, Im in my apartment doing the Soap Opera Digest crossword puzzle, and guess who the clue is for three down. (She hands the magazine to Joey.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone except Phoebe is there as Rachel enters carrying a magazine.]
Rachel: Oh, come on Joey! You will totally keep it in check this time, and plus yknow the publicity would be really good for your career! And you deserve that! And if you do the interview you can mention, oh I dont know, gal pal Rachel Green?
Rachel: Come on! We will be there for you the whole time! Just remember gal pal Rachel Green. (Excited) Ha-ha! Im gonna be in Soap Opera Digest! And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle. (Looks at Joey.) Seriously, proud of you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is there for his interview and everyone but Phoebe are hiding on the couch.]
Phoebe: Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking you (Points at all of them) with me. (They all look at her.) Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum. Good luck Chandler. (She opens the door to the cop from before.) Okay, you can arrest me. Fine. But you'll never make it stick and you know it!
Joey: And Ill have all the muffins.
Joey: (He goes into a song and dance number)
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Joey: Oh, you said it Mike. (Rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Rachel: All right, its okay. One little setback is okay, just dont let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But Im just gonna take the-the pajmena. (Ross hands it to her.) And the uh, and the uh pants. Yknow what, Im just gonna take it all away, cause that way youll just really learn the lesson. Okay? All righty, Im gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner. (Leaves with all of Jills stuff.)
Rachel: Ohh! Thats so sweet of you! Oh yum! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich and starts to get sick.) Did you put pickles on this?
(Suddenly the door opens and two guys come rushing in wielding water balloons.)
Joey: (mocks him, in a whiney voice) look both ways before you cross the street. (Turns and walks headlong into the closed door.)
Monica: Please, could you just try it for me? Come on, I used all my best stuff! I-I-I lit some candles. I put on some music. I used bath salts, plus bubble bath! And got you this little plastic Navy ship. So its a boy bath!
Chandler: And a bagel with only
[The next one is from Episode 603: The One With Rosss Denial, Joey is amazing Phoebe and Monica by holding his breath.]
Joey: Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Phoebe: I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!
[The next one is from Episode 417: The One With The Free Porn, Chandler and Joey are lamenting the fact that every beautiful woman they see doesnt want to have sex right then and there like in porn.]
(Goes over and picks up the remote.)