words in movies
Bonnie: All right, I was 15, it was my best friend, Ruth, and we got drunk on that hard cider, and then suddenly, I dont know, we were, we were making out.
[cut to Rachel and Monica at the counter.]
Chandler: (reading the back of the picture) Me and Frank and Phoebe, Graduation 1965.
Phoebe: No-no, thats not, thats not me Phoebe, thats her pal Phoebe. According to her high school yearbook, they were like B.F.F. (Ross and Bonnie look at her quizzically) Best Friends Forever.
Phoebe: I know! So this woman probably could like have all kinds of stories about my parents, and she might even know like where my Dad is. So I looked her up, and she lives out by the beach. So maybe this weekend we could go to the beach?
(Rachel turns and gives him a look, and Joey quickly apologises.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are waiting for Phoebe to arrive with the cab.]
Chandler: Okay, so weve established my name, and hit me. But theoretically y'know, I mean say we werent friends, say its a blind date. I show up at your door, and Im like (in a fake voice) Hey, nice to meet, ya. Hey, oh-hey.
Chandler, Monica, and Joey: Hey!!
Phoebe: Oh, I am having the best karma this week. First, I find this woman who knew my parents, and then my client with the fuzzy back gives me his beach house.
Phoebe: And this time, theyve ganged up to form one giant, super hat.
[Scene: At the Beach, its raining cats and dogs as the gang arrives. Chandler and Monica are taking shelter under Rachels hat.]
(They get inside and notice on small problem.)
[Scene: Phoebe Sr. house, she is a real estate agent and is trying to sell a house over the phone. By the way, its still raining outside.]
Phoebe Sr: Well, yes, its kindve an unusual house. It has umm, three beautiful bedrooms and ah, no baths. But y'know, the ocean is right there.
Phoebe Sr: (on phone) Ah, oh, hang on a second. (to Phoebe) Come in, come in. (on phone) All right, so think about it, and call me back. (hangs up)
Phoebe: (goes and gets some cookies) Well, so, umm, anyway umm, Ive been, Ive been looking for my Father, and umm, have you heard from him, or seen him?
Phoebe Sr: The three losers. Oh, poor Lily. (Phoebe notices a picture on the fridge, takes it, and puts it in her pocket.) Ohh, y'know I-I heard about what happened, that must have been just terrible for you, losing your mother that way.
[Scene: The beach house, its still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monicas nails, and theyre all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]
Rachel: Okay, whos next?! (She looks around the room, and stops when she comes to Ross.)
Ross: (he gets up and starts to run away from her) No! (in his escape attempt he crushes Chandlers sand castle) No!
(Ross dives over the couch, Rachel goes the other way, and lands up top of him.)
(They get into a wrestling match, that ends with Ross making Rachel paint her forehead with the nail polish. They both end up lying next to each other, stop, and look at each other for a moment.)
Chandler: Bored and bored!
Phoebe: Im kind, caring, and sweet. Whats Monica like?
Phoebe: She was acting, she was pretending like she hasnt heard from him on years, but I found this picture on her fridge, and look (shows Monica)! Isnt this what he would look like now?
Phoebe: All right, Im gonna close my eyes and point to someone, and you, whoever I point has to come up with something fun for us to do, and we have to do it.
(They do so, and Phoebe gets in the middle, closes her eyes, and starts spinning in a circle.)
(Monica rolls, and Ross goes first.)
Ross: Okay, come on! (blows on the dice) Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department! (They all look at him, and he shuts up and rolls the dice.) (he moves his piece) Okay. (reading a card) Take Pinky Tuscadero up to Inspiration Point, collect three cool points!! Yeah! Which gives me five, and lets see who is gonna lose their clothes. Ummmm, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor Mr. Joey Tribianni.
Rachel: (reading a card) Okay, your band is playing at Arnolds, collect three cool points. Which means, I have five, and that means I get Joeys boxers!
Joey: Actually, y'know its kinda cold, so how about I keep my boxers on, and give you all a peek at the good stuff?
Monica: I think Ill help her out. (She gets up to go over and help Rachel, and reveals she has no pants.) (to Rachel) What is going on here?
[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen eating breakfast.]
(Joey is sleeping on the floor and is buried in sand that has been carved into a mermaid complete with breasts.)
(Ross and Bonnie enter)
Ross and Bonnie: Us too.
(Joey looks down and his look turns from shock to satisfaction.)
Rachel: Oh, ah nothin. I just felt like hangin out here and reading.
Bonnie: Oh, the water was sooo great! We jumped off this pier and my suit came off.
Bonnie: Yeah, Joey and Chandler sure are funny.
[Scene: The beach house, at night. Phoebe is hangs up the phone, and gently pushes one of the stools over.]
Phoebe: Yeah, she clamed she had to go out of town suddenly. Shes avoiding me, she doesnt want to tell me where my Father is. She knows, and she wont tell me.
Ross: Uh, Pheebs, some people call that breaking and entering.
All: Wow!! (they all recoil in shock and horror)
Ross: I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she happened to bring up y'know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who was it? Oh, thats right, thats right, it was you!
(Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then embrace in a more passionate kiss, only to be interrupted by Joey and Chandler coming outside.)
(Rachel and Ross both stop kissing, and quickly step back from each other.)
Joey and Chandler: Gnight.
(Rachel walks inside, stops, and turns back to look at Ross for a moment then goes upstairs.)
(She throws her bag inside, and starts to climb through the window. She gets halfway in and the window slams shut on her butt.)
Phoebe: Ow! My ass. Okay. Okay. (She manages to climb completely inside and the window slams shut.) Oh, shhh!
(She starts walking across the darkened room and hits her head on a wind chime hanging from the ceiling, to stop it from making a noise she grabs it and Shhhs it. She goes into the kitchen and finds Phoebe Sr.s appointment book, to read it she opens the freezer. Just as she starts to read, Phoebe Sr. jumps out from her bedroom with a coat hanger, startling Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Umm, okay, okay, look. I took this picture from your fridge. Okay, because I know that this is my Father. Yeah, this is Frank Buffay and you are standing right there next to him. Now, look I deserve to know where I came from. All right? So if you can help me find my Father then you should! Otherwise, youre just mean! (pause) So, just tell me the truth!
Phoebe Sr: No, no, thats just Chuck Magioni, I-I sold him a house last year! And Im very sorry, but I dont know where your Father is, and thats the truth.
Phoebe Sr: Y'know I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I just, I kinda felt all floopy, and...
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.]
Ross: I know, but ahhhhhh!! I really wanna go up there and finish that kiss!
Ross: Hey, itll grow back, right? And she-shes really fun, and shes cool, and-and Im finally moving on. Y'know? I mean getting over Rachel was so (makes an incoherent nasal sound), y'know? Y'know, and Im finally feeling sane again. And now if I go up there, and-and I kiss her, and, Gooood I wanna kiss her, and-and-and it doesnt work out, right? Do I really wanna put myself through that again?
Joey: So let me get this straight. If you go with Bonnie tonight, youre doing the smart, healthy thing and moving on.
Joey: Right, and you go with Rachel, Bonnies free tonight?
[Scene: The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks about it, and goes in the one on his right.]
[Scene: The beach house, Chandler is simulating hes coming to pick up Monica for a date. Chandler knocks on the door, and Monica answers it.]
(Monica closes the door, Chandler knocks, and Monica opens it to reveal Chandler on his knees.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Susie are making out on the couch.]
Joey: And you don't a little good about donating the money?
Woman: Hi, were the Rostins. Err, Im J.C., and hes Michael, and were having a boy, and a girl.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are upset with each other. Phoebe is mediating.]
MONICA AND RACHEL: Ow. Ow. Ow.
RACHEL: I'm off my break now so uh, um here you take this [hands back Ben] and um, I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee. Ok. Oh look at that, I don't have a pot. I don't have a pot. Well, hey, maybe I've got one at home, or in Scarsdale. Hey is that a door? [leaves]
RACHEL: You want me to just call him up and tell him that you're seeing him instead? That's what you want?
Rachel: Yeah! Oh, and then afterwards you can take her to the Four Seasons for drinks. Or you go downtown and listen to some jazz. Or dancingOh! Take her dancing!
CHANDLER: I'm hangin in. . . and a little out.
Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?
SUSIE: How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?
CHANDLER: Because I went to an all boys high school and God is making up for it.
Chandler: Yknow what? I am going to take you out to dinner tonight. I found this place that makes the greatest mozzarella sticks and jalepino poppers . (Monica doesnt look impressed.) No? Really? They taste so good.
[In the bathroom Susie and Chandler are kissing. She backs into a stall.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is watching a rabbi play an electric guitar on TV. Phoebe enters.]
SUSIE: Well um, why don't you call me in 20 years and tell me if you're still upset about this. [she leaves with his clothes]
[Scene: Monica and Van Damme are walking down the street.]
[She turns him facing the toilet and sneaks out of the stall and gathers up his clothes.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is closing the door on the tarantula cage.]
[Scene: Back at Monica and Rachel's apartment. They are now fighting about what Rachel told Van Damme.]
RACHEL: OK, you wanna play? OK, let's play, let's play. [She grabs a jar of tomato sauce and Monica's purse]
[Monica and Rachel start yelling at the same time]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are there. Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see. They don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff. They just think you're a little...
JOEY: Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.
[Back at the table. Joey and Ross return. Shortly, Chandler comes out, holding the stall door in front of him, and leaves.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Phoebe, and Chandler are sitting.]
Ross: Yknow actually it does have a very interesting history. Uh, this street is the first street in the city to have an underground sewer system. (Kristen crinkles her nose at that.) Before that sewage and waste would just flow right down the street. Yeah, sometimes ankle deep! (He stops when he realizes what hes talking about.)
JOEY: Hey, hey, and I'm in the movie.
[Scene: The movie set. Monica and Rachel are saying goodbye to Jean-Claude]
Phoebe: Okay. So, this wire is connected to this wire which plugs into here. (She points at each as she says it.) Okay so, to get the beeping to stop all I have to do (She picks up a shoe and proceeds to pummel the smoke detector. She then gets up and heads to bed, stops, quickly turns around, and is satisfied that the beeping has stopped.) Well done, Pheebs. (She resumes her trek to bed, but is stopped at the entrance to the hallway by the now steady and extremely loud tone emanating from the smoke detector.) (Yelling.) What do you want from me?!!!!!!!
Rachel: Well, let me just check that with what I got here, all right see 038 is not the number for (Ross starts making a lot of noise with a handheld pepper grinder) this store, 038 is Atlanta. And I...(stops and looks at Ross)
PHOEBE: Yeah, it's just so strange. I mean, she probably woke up today and thought, "ok, I'll have some breakfast, and then I'll take a little walk, and then I'll have my massage." Little did she know God was thinking, "Ok, but that's it." Oh, but the weirdest thing was, ok, I was cleansing her aura when she died, and when the spirit left her body, I don't think it went very far.
ROSS: Ahh, oh that's OK, I mean, he's probably got, you know, parties to go to and stuff. But, ya know, he's moved on. Hey, that, that's the way it goes right.
MONICA AND RACHEL: Oh, no no no no no.
PHOEBE: (singing angrily) Terry's a jerk, and he won't let me work, and I hate Central Perk!
VAN DAMME: [to Rachel] I'm sorry it didn't work out between you and me, [to Monica] or you and me. Drew was very disappointed.
MONICA AND RACHEL: No no no no.
MONICA AND RACHEL: Bye-bye.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is playing foosball by himself, Joey enters]
JOEY: Eight hundred and twelve bucks.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the couch. Ross is sitting at the table and answers the phone.]
INTERVIEWER: And if I want to call for a reference on your last job?
Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: Thats so sweet. (Takes the flowers.) Would you like to come in and say good-bye? Im sure it would mean a lot to her.
MONICA: No no no, if I couldn't pay you back right away then I'd feel guilty and tense every time I saw you.
ROSS: Oh OK. Well then why don't you, uhh, why don't you borrow it from mom and dad? You feel guilty and tense around them already. You might as well make some money off of them.
MONICA: No you're not. You're, you're allergic to lobster and peanuts and--oh my god.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on couches. A beautiful woman is looking at Chandler.]
ROSS: No, no, she's great and it's not like we haven't done anything. I mean, uh, uh, we, we do plenty of other stuff, lot's of other stuff, like uhh. . .
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica answers the door and lets her parents in. They are carrying boxes.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a man at the counter. Ross and Phoebe are sitting at the couches.]
CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
Ross: (talking agitated and angry) Everyone gets a goodbye but me? What have I got to do to get a goodbye, huh? Be best friends with you? Uh, go out with you? Have a baby with you? Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, I did all those things.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is there. Joey enters.]
ROSS: No no, you're uh, you're my lobster. See um, lobsters, uhh, in the tank when, when they're old, uhh, they get with, uhh, they walk around holding the claws. In the tank, ya know, with, with the holding and. . . Uhh, Phoebs you wanna help me out with the, the whole lobster thing?
CHANDLER: Well, doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet even though I hated it say something about our friendship and how much it means to me?
Rachel: Well yeah, I wish that you would. (He opens the top drawer.) Well, no its not in there! (Closes it.) How about that drawer? (She points to the bottom one and he opens it. She doesnt see the folder she planted and bends over to check.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
ROSS: No, he's at uh, Carol's and Susan's today.
MONICA and ROSS: In the bank.
RACHEL: [comes up from behind the bar and startles Chandler] Hey. I've got something that's gonna make you happy. Guess what Gunther found? [holds up Chandler's bracelet]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe enter.]
MONICA: It's just that he doesn't have that much free time, ya know, and I don't know, what do I do?
JOEY: Seriously, you like it? This guy was sellin' them on 8th avenue and I looked at 'em and I though, you know what I don't have?
CHANDLER: No, I can't. No no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, [puts bracelet on Joey] it's about you and me and the fact that we're [reading bracelet] best buds.
ROSS: Yeah, yeah I mean, you get your money and you learn a little something, what's wrong with that?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for a barbecue for Rachel's birthday.]
[at Ross's. Carol and Susan are picking Ben up]
PHOEBE: [Standing in living room with Chandler and Joey. She pulls a huge bathing suit out of a box] Hey, Mon, what is this?
(Ross keeps staring at her, head on table. Chandler smacks him with a newspaper. Joey enters, Ross and Chandler laugh at him.)
MONICA: Over here dad. [he pans over and we see a torso taking up the whole screen]
RACHEL, MONICA, ROY, and CHIP: Bye.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is watching the rest of the tape]
Ross: Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the "I get to see my wife," part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this. (He takes a big swig of Pepto Bismol.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler enter with Chandler covering his eyes and Joey leading him.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica, Ross, and Phoebe are there.]
CHANDLER and JOEY: Woah, hey, yo. [Rachel and Ross move]
JOEY: Well, I'm makin money now and this is payin' you back for head shots, electric bills, and so many slices of pizza I can't even count. I love ya man.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, yo. [they move from out of in front of the TV]
DR. BURKE: Oh, well obviously you know Barbara and I split up, otherwise you wouldn't have done the head tilt.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica is busy killing Chandle and Joey at foosball.]
CHANDLER: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.
MONICA: [her and Phoebe tilt their heads] Oh, that's too bad.
[Scene: Chandler's office, Chandler looks around, opens his desk drawer, takes a puff of a cigarette, sprays around some air freshener, and takes some breath spray. He types for a little while, opens the drawer again, and takes another drag of the cigarette. While not paying attention, he sprays the breath spray around the room, takes a squirt of air freshener and gags.]
(Nana passes for the second time and the nurse pulls the blanket over her. Ross and Monica go to tell the family)
(There is the sound of a flushing toilet and Coma Guy emerges from the bathroom)
[Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are in the kitchen.]
DR. BURKE: OK. You better. Oh God, here we go. Hey wanna see 'em go nuts? Watch this. [grabbing some wine glasses and opening the door to the party] Who needs glasses? [everyone laughs]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are returning from a movie.]
ROSS: And that's, that's funny why?
[Since they're alone they start kissing and Ross's hands work their way down until they're on Rachel's butt. Rachel starts laughing.]
RACHEL: OK. [start kissing again and Rachel starts lauging again]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
RACHEL: Alright, just put your hands out and I'll back up into them.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are watching a Miracle Wax info-mercial.]
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
[Rachel and Ross go out in the hall]
Chandler: I know, I went to the tanning place and the same thing happened to me. You have to let me in.