words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the door carrying an outdoor patio table.]
Joey: Uh-huh. This and a bunch of bubble wrap. And, some of it is not even popped!
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joeys bedroom.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
Monica: Because I need the money, and I thought that itd be a great way to get rid of that last little schmidgen of self-respect.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading the paper and Chandler is getting ready for work.]
Chandler: Well, I think I judged her too quickly, and this time we were able to take the relationship to the next level.
(Joey makes a sound imitating one person making a bed creak and Chandler turns and glares at him.)
[Scene: The Geller household kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are cooking for Mrs. Gellers party.]
Phoebe: Wow! And hey, its cool if youre a lesbian! (Gives her a thumbs up)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is scrapping gum off the table as there is a knock on the door. He goes over and opens it.]
The Salesman: Actually, Im not buying. Im selling. Let me ask you one question. Do your friends ever have a conversation and you just nod along even though youre not really sure what theyre talking about?
[Cut to Monica and Rachels apartment, all are there.]
Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: Oh yeah, I totally agree.
[Cut to Monica and Rachels, theyre all there playing cards.]
The Salesman: (Interrupting the flashback) Excuse me, Im sorry, you havent said anything for about two and a half minutes, are you at all interested?
[Scene: The Gellers Kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are still cooking.]
Phoebe: Okay, dont panic. Im gonna go to the store, Im gonna get you another set of nails, no ones gonna know, and youre gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, its cause theyre gonna eatthats the problem.
Monica: Okay ah, please dont freak out. Umm, but ah, theres a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and theres no way to know which one.
Phoebe: And! Whoever finds it wins the prize!
Monica: (interrupting) No! You have lasagnas! (Storms out and an awkward silence follows.)
[Scene: Joannas office, Joanna and Chandler are making out on her chair. Chandler isnt wearing any pants.]
Chandler: Okay. But if you dont come back soon, (She leaves and closes the door) theres pretty much nothing I can do about it!
[Cut to Joannas outer office, where Rachel and Sophie work. They are both coming back from lunch.]
Joanna: Oh great! Ill keep it in my butt with your nose. (She grabs the cookie and walks out.)
(Rachel unlocks and opens the door to reveal a half-naked Chandler handcuffed to the chair. They both gasp and Chandler stares at them in shock and surprise.)
(Rachel and Sophie both back out and close the door without saying anything.
[Scene: Joannas office, Chandler, still handcuffed to the chair, is looking through the lingerie catalogue by turning the pages with his teeth. The phone rings and Chandler answers it with his nose.]
Chandler: Okay, heres the situation. The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door. Could you be a doll and grab them and scoot on over and unlock me? And on a totally different subject, that is a lovely pantsuit.
Rachel: And the fact that you were jeopardising my career never entered your mind?!
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I cant get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and Im cold, and (Stops and looks up the skirt on a statue behind Joannas desk.)
Chandler: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! (Rachel goes over and unlocks the handcuffs) Ahhh! (He starts rubbing his wrist)
Rachel: When she sees that youre gone, shes gonna know that I let you out, and that I was in here, and Im gonna get fired!
(He starts to put his pants on, but Rachel manages to drag him to the chair. When they get to the chair, Chandler drops his pants and knocks the chair away. Rachel then backs him up and locks him to the top drawer of a filing cabinet.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, The salesman is trying to sell Joey the encyclopedias.]
The Salesman: And?
Phoebe: No but, why does that have to be a bad thing. Just change what it means. Y'know? Go down there and prove your Mother wrong. Finish the job you were hired to do, and well call that pulling a Monica.
Phoebe: Okay, umm, if a kid gets straight As, his parents would say, "Yeah, he pulled a Monica." Y'know? Or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, "Yeah I know, he pulled a Monica." Or someone hits a homerun and the announcer says, "Yeah, that ones outta here." Though some things dont change.
(She exits and Phoebe goes over and sits down at the machine that works your shoulders and tries to do one, which she does, easily.)
Phoebe: Wow! My breasts are really strong. (She goes and joins Monica.)
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are having a little tug-of-war with his pants.]
Chandler: Hey, look, youre in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, shes gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
Rachel: Ill take all of your photos and put them into photo albums!
(She closes the door and puts his tie into his mouth as a gag.)
Chandler: Im gonna say this for the last time. Would you please just (He moves his arm which opens the drawer and hits in the back of the head, which proves his point.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is now reading the V book, with the salesman watching.]
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? Im home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess theres a few things you dont get from book learnin.
Joey: How about zero down and zero a month for a long, long time?
Joey: You wanna see what I got? (He gets up to empty out his pockets) Okay? Ive got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an army man. Hey!
Joey: And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be Chandlers pants.
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are still negotiating.]
Rachel: I ah, will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.
Rachel: I have so got it. Theres gonna be rumours about this, theres no way to stop it. Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.
Chandler: How do Monica and Phoebe know?
Rachel: Oh, I called them. And when they ask me what I saw, I can be very generous (Holds her hands far apart) or very (In a high pitched voice) stingy.
Chandler: And Milton Berle has a
Monica: And you?
Monica: So if everyone liked it, and you liked it, that would make this a success. Which would make you
Mrs. Geller: Yes, well I was wrong, and I have to say you really impressed me today.
Mrs. Geller: And the next time you cater for me, there will be nothing but ice in the freezer. (She starts to bite her nails)
Monica: That really means a lot. Oh, and Mom, dont bite your nails.
Joey, Rachel, and Ross: Hey!
(She motions for them to come closer, they lean in and she whispers what Rachel told her. The guys both lean back laughing.]
Joey: Yeah. And speaking of volcanoes, man are they a violent igneous rock formation.
(They all laugh and Joey joins them, not to be left out. When the laughing dies down, he has a depressed look on his face.)
Rachel: Yeah, sure. Umm, they didnt have poppy seed bagels, so I (Enters Joannas office and sees her handcuffed to her chair wearing nothing but a slip) Oh my word!
(She goes back and forth, not sure what to do first, put the bagel down or grab the key. She finally puts the bagel down and grabs the key and goes over to unlock Joanna.)
Phoebe: Oh, I should go, too. Oh, now... tomorrow do you guys wanna share a cab to the airport or should Mike and I just meet you there.
Monica: Yeah, I do think its better this way. (listens) Yeah, were being smart. (gets up to answer the door) (listens) Yes, Im sure.(she opens the door and its Richard)
(Trying on a hat and talking to his own reflection in the mirror)
David: I'm sorry, uh... I just wish I could make her forget about Mike already, you know... Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?
Joey: (to Charlie) Ok, you're gonna come back with some very classy clothes... (aside to Rachel)... and some slutty lingerie, SLUTTY!
Charlie: Oh I can't... I have seminars all day and I promised Ross I would look at his speech.
(Ross goes to the window and opens the curtains revealing that it's raining outside)
[Scene: Back in New York, Monica and Chandler in Central Perk on the couch]
Monica: Wow! That Mike thing was interesting! I don't know what's gonna happen with Phoebe and David.
(Joey spots them and walks towards them)
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
(Rachel turns around and sees Chandler and Monica arriving)
[Scene: Barbados, hotel lounge. David, Phoebe and Rachel have just arrived.]
Joey: Everything is upside down here! It rains all day long, nobody watches tv and Ross is famous!
Joey: Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in (Joey, Chandler and David leave)
(Monica and Chandler reach the group)
Chandler: That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross!
[Scene: Shop, Rachel, Charlie and Phoebe walk in]
David: So, ehm... I'm proposing to Pheobe tonight. (Removes a ring box from his pocket and opens it to show Chandler the ring)
Chandler: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec? (Pulls her away from Phoebe and Rachel)
Ross: Oh and you know what, it will be even better tomorrow, because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. (Someone knocks on the door, Ross goes to open and it's Joey, Rachel and Chandler).
[Scene: Ross's hotel room. Ross and is reading his keynote speech to Charlie from his laptop]
Phoebe: Oh well, as long as it is under control, you know, you can't do anything about it, he's already dating her, and she is a nice person, that wouldn't be right.
Joey: Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? (Chandler looks annoyed at him and Joey leans in to him) Oh! Secret teapot?
Chandler: Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail and I opened it.
Chandler: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
Dr. Green: Oh really? Thats how treat a friend? You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her?
Monica: (shouts to Chandler) And make sure our room isn't next to theirs (points to Phoebe).
Charlie: Oh wait, Joey and I are supposed to have dinner (Looks at Joey).
Joey: (throws down a small wad of money, and as his hand twin starts to unfold it, Joey once again brings attention to their special gift to the world. {Y'know, looking at it now, they really don't have that similar of hands. Joey's are bigger.}) Ooh-ho-ho! (The dealer stares at him and he stops.)
Monica: Ok, Mike, enough is enough, now you love Phoebe and she loves you, so you need to get over your whole "I never want to get married" thing and step up!
Joey: Hey don't worry about that! I mean, Ross needs you! And Rachel and I will stay and help anyway we can.
[Scene: Mike's apartment. His phone rings and he picks up]
Monica: This is Monica! I'm Phoebe's friend. Listen, Phoebe is back with David and he's going to propose to her, and she is going to say "yes" but I know she really wants to be with you!
Mike: (sounds shocked and sits down) He... he's gonna propose?
Charlie: And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.
Mike: Look, if Phoebe wants to marry David, she should, I'm not gonna stand in the way of that and neither should you.
Monica: You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to do! Just call her. She's at the Paradise Hotel in Barbados. And while I've got you, you've got curly hair. What do you do in humidity? (Mike hangs up the phone) Damnit!
Chandler: And there's not chance that will work?
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Joey: Kate Miller it is. (he picks up the Kate Miller badge and sticks it on Rachel's breast)
[Scene: The hall, full of paleontologists. Rachel and Joey are walking around]
Ross: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?
Rachel: And... that's the most sex I'm gonna have this weekend.
Joey: In that case should I make sure it's on real good? (he does so, repeatedly tapping on her breast and stroking it)
Charlie: Oh yeah! Hey, save the cork and then we can fill the bottle with water and put it back so they don't charge you.
[Scene: Ross's room. Charlie is sitting on the bed, while Ross is walking up and down nervously]
Ross: Yes, but I did make a pyramid out of the bath products. This is amazing, thank you, thank you so much. (he leans in, and they look at each other for a moment) That's a pretty necklace.
David: Yeah, well, being a failed scientist doesn't pay quite as well as you might think. That's uhm... one seventieth of a karat. And the clarity is uhm... is quite poor.
Charlie: And then, and then you said that thing about, about bringing the Mesozoic era in the 21st century.
Rachel: Oh, Ross, this is just so messed up! What�s wrong with us? You know when people hear about our situation theyAlways ask, �what, you live together but you�re not a couple? And you have a baby, isn�t that weird?� And I say �No.You know what, it�s not, because it works for us!� But you know this doesn�t work. In fact this is the opposite of working!
Ross: No. (they clink glasses and drink)
Chandler: So great things are happening at work and in your personal life!
Phoebe: Now (Starts singing again) "Who will perform the ceremony! Who will perform the cer(Chandler enters and grabs her guitar and closes the door behind him)Ohoh! All right, Ill pound on him in the morning.
Phoebe: (shouts after David) Oh! David, get one for us too! Oh, oh, and see if they have a heart-shaped one! And with mirrors on the ceiling!
Charlie: Right and then everybody finds out and they're like: "Oh, I knew all along"
[Scene: the Pharmacist convention. Joey and Rachel are walking out of it, drinking cocktails]
Rachel: Joey! (she walks away; Joey goes after her teasing and tickling her)
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny.� I've been, ah, practicing the art of seduction myself.� (He raises his hands in front of himself, sticks out his behind, and wiggles it.)� Hi ya.
Charlie: (to Joey) I just left you a message! Ross and I were gonna go grab a bite, but now that you're here, maybe we can go have that dinner.
Ross: Oh my God, we did it! (he sits beside her and skims through her notes excitedly)
Ross and Charlie: Hey!
(Ross and Charlie walk into the hall from Ross's room)
Joey: Alright, hey look, and this isn't over, because I really wanna know who...
(Ross and Rachel watch them walk away and sigh. They look at each other, embarassed.)
Ross and Rachel: Ok, good night!
(Phoebe and David walk in)
[Scene: The restaurant. Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table]
(David and Phoebe sit down at a table close to Chandler and Monica's)
David: That's fair, you've had a long trip. (he leaves his seat to Mike, and stands there looking for a chair. He finally goes to Monica and Chandler's table)
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. I mean, I missed you so much these last few months and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then I suddenly realized that there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.
David: Please, you don't have to explain. I mean, perhaps if I hadn't gone to Minsk things would have worked out for us. And I wouldn't have ruined my career, or lost that toe to frostbite. It was a good trip! (he leaves)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's room. Monica and Chandler are in bed.]
Rachel: Look at that woman sitting by the pool getting tan... so leathery and wrinkled, I'm so jealous!
Monica: Ok listen, you go down to the pool and reserve the chairs, and I'll get the magazines and the lotion.
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Everybody down! Everybody down! (Rachel turns off the lights and everyone crouches. As everyone crouches, a ripping noise erupts from the assemblage.)
(Rachel, Joey and Chandler pat him on his shoulders and walk off, together with Monica)
Joey: Yeah, and so funny!
[Scene: the hotel lobby. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in from the outside.]
Ross: Oh, I can't tell you how great it was to look at the crowd and see your face! I mean... uh, did you know you were (giggles) mouthing the words along with me?
(Ross goes towards Charlie, who's conversing with a fellow paleontologist, and touches her shoulder to get her attention)
(Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk away, sipping their drinks)
Chandler: Because you know how competitive you get and well, I say it's cute, others disagree, and I'm lying!
[Scene: Joey and Charlie's room]
Chandler: And...?
Phoebe: ... and...?
Mike: They have a game room downstairs! Ping pong and stuff.
(Chandler turns to Mike and gives him a "See what I mean?" look)
Phoebe: Well, on the bright side, now you won't have to see all these paleontologists with their shirts off. (Grabs a drink and notices that the two men are upset) Not you guys. You got it going on!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is eating the picnic as Rachel comes home from work.]
Charlie: You know... I feel so bad! I haven't seen you this whole trip and (pauses) especially last night...
Phoebe: Are you leaving "The Supremes"? (Monica and Phoebe go to one side)
[Scene: the hotel game room. There is a ping pong table in the middle of the room. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in]
Ross: And then, you try to make the best of a bad situation, so you float the idea of a threesome?
Rachel: Oh its umm, its tofu cake. Do you want some? (He makes a disgusted noise and heads for his room, Chandler follows him in.)
(Monica and Mike start to play ping pong. Mike scores)
Dina: Loosening the saddle on mothers horse was brilliant Fredrick. And the electric fence, inspired.
Monica: (going through her pockets) No... (to Chandler and Phoebe) Either of you girls got a quarter?
Joey: Uh... Charlie and I broke up.
Chandler: Shes moving on! Okay, if its not this guy, its gonna be somebody else! And unless youre thinking about subletting my peep hole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over! Okay, man? Its over.