words in movies
[Scene: The Hospital, Phoebe is arriving with Ross, Joey, and Rachel in tow.]
Phoebe: Hi, yeah, hi! I'm umm, Phoebe Buffay, and I have babies coming out of me.
Nurse: Now, which of you is the father? (Points to Joey and Ross)
(Monica and Chandler come running in.)
(Both Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.)
Phoebe: (standing up) Okay, so umm, somebody has to call Frank and Alice. (As she is talking Joey is sticking the camera under her skirt.) And then my mom wants to know-(notices Joey)-Joey, what are you doing?!
[Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Rachel: Hi, Pheebs? Okay, so just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your doctor is late is because uh, she's not coming.
Ross: Apparently she fell in the shower and hit her head.
Joey: Oh! (In an announcer type voice) And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee! (He grabs his side and doubles over in pain.)
Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits)
[Scene: The waiting room, Monica and Joey are sitting there.]
Rachel: What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go.
Rachel: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them.
Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad
[Scene: The delivery room, Chandler, Frank, and Ross are with Phoebe.]
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Ross: Hey, where are Monica and Rachel anyway?
Phoebe: (interrupting) What are you doing?!! Why are you defending him?! Just get me another doctor! One who is not crazy and who is not Fonzie!
Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around.
Phoebe: Hi! And you're going into what grade?
(He runs out and Frank watches him go.)
[Scene: Another hospital room, Joey has now been admitted and his doctor is about to break the bad news to him, Monica, and Chandler.]
[Scene: The delivery room, Dr. Harad is back and checking on Phoebe.]
Dr. Harad: All right, you're getting there. Oh, and y'know, these babies are very, very lucky.
Rachel: Honey, y'know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific thing you're having these babies for Frank and Alice.
Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, I do! I do know! Frank and Alice are gonna want to keep all of their children!
[Scene: Joey's room, his doctor, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
[Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Frank are there.]
(Dr. Harad drops what he's doing and stares at her.)
Frank: Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in?
Dan: And it didn't feel so girlie during the Gulf War.
Chandler: Sure. (Pause) And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way. (Retreats in defeat.)
Joey: I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs! (He starts rocking back and forth, taking Ross with him.)
[Scene: The delivery room, later on, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Frank are there as Dr. Harad is checking out Phoebe.]
(They all kiss her and wish her luck.)
Dr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31.
(Dan turns on the TV and the Happy Days theme song comes on.)
[Cut to Joey's room, his doctor and Ross are there.]
(Phoebe screams in pain, and Frank screams with her.)
Frank: No-no ah, everything's okay. Everybody's healthy there's 30 fingers and 30 toes.
(They hug. And quickly that hug turns into a heated make out session, right there on the waiting room couch. Chandler, Rachel, and Monica quickly make their exits.)
Joey: They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.)
[Scene: A hallway, Monica and Dan are talking.]
Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not goof around with him.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
Monica: Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go tell Dan that it's not gonna happen. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around.) Don't do the dance.
[Scene: The delivery room, everyone except Rachel is there. Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are holding the babies.]
Rachel: (entering) Hi. (To Phoebe) Hey, hi! So uh, Frank and Alice wanted me to tell you that they're still outside making phone calls.
(They hand her the babies and leave them alone.)
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
[Scene: The delivery room, everyone is hanging out with Phoebe. Frank, Alice, and the kids aren't there.]
(Rachel gets up, and Joey tries to get up, but halfway up he sits down again.)
[Flashback, year 1987. Chandler enters the school's corridor. Ross is hanging some flyers on the wall. Both have a funny 80s hair and clothes.]
Waiter: Seafood platter for the gentleman and extra fries. Enjoy!
Stage Manager : And we're out!
Joey: (he thinks a little, considering the option and seems to be quite satisfied) I like that! A sharing buffer! Yeah! I’ll order some extra fries! Maybe a plate of onion rings. Yeah. And a shrimp cocktail. And some buffalo wings. Maybe an individual pizza, uh? And some mozzarella sticks. (he looks absorbed in his food thoughts) What were we talking about?
Chandler: Oh, and Sheena Easton. But we probably couldn't get her anyway.
Ross: (angrily) AND ON MY TURF?
Missy: Well, Chandler and I used to make out! A lot!
Monica: What's the matter, officer? Has someone been bad? (looks over to Phoebe and she opens the door, and to their dismay, the stripper is an old, short, fat guy who looks exhausted)
Rachel: All right, look, we did not know that you wanted a stripper so we went to the phonebook and we got the first name we could find!
[We get back to the Class of '91 reunion, where Ross and Chandler are still looking at Missy.]
Rachel: Well isnt it better that I exchanged it for something that I enjoy and that I can get a lot of use out of?
(he uses his remote to turn on the music, "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell, and starts dancing for Phoebe. He shakes his butt, moves his shoulders back, grabs his crotch and hops towards Phoebe. Phoebe is half horrified and half scared. He takes his hat off and throws it away, does some "Can Can" high kicks and swings his butt in front of Phoebe who looks at it in disgust. Then he tears open his shirt and shows her his chest and she flinches.)
Donny: Ok Henrietta, you've picked Jack and Jill went up the hill.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, okay. I'm uptight. Yeah, that's why I don't want to watch a middle aged guy dance around in what I can only assume is a child halloween costume! (turns to look at Monica and Rachel who look like they feel very sorry for the stripper)
Chandler: ...and a street where our kids can ride their bikes and maybe an ice-cream truck can go by.
Monica: (walks towards Phoebe and the stripper) Uh, look, officer... uhm Sir...
(Camera goes to Joey. The clock is at 20 sec. The word "Legislature" appears. He looks at it blank faced and his eyes shift between Henrietta and his screen)
Phoebe: Yeah. (BEAT) Oh, I know what we can do. We could set Ross and Rachel up on horrible dates, so that they'll realise how good they are together.
Chandler: (to the two guys) Excuse me. (Chandler and Ross move away from them). That didn't make us sound gay at all!
Chandler: Oh please, and you knew how much I liked her.
Chandler and Ross: Hey! Hey Adrienne. (They move away from her)
Rachel: Yeah, Rachel. And this (points to Monica) is Ross' sister, Monica. We met at Thanksgiving. (looks around the room as if searching for something more interesting to do).
Monica: No, no, no. Honey, I'm ok. Shake it off! (she shakes the wrist and it's more painful) Oh, no! No shaking, no shaking! Ooh! Ooh! (pause) Oh my God! I can't play!
[Scene: We cut back to the present. The reunion where Chandler and Ross are talking.]
Chandler: Well, I did and it hurt. (they walk towards the bar) That's when I wrote the song: "Betrayal In The Common Room".
Ross: So, eh. I made out with Adrienne and you made out with Missy. Well I guess we're even.
Ross: Cool! (They start kissing again and Chandler looks shocked)
[Flashback scene: We cut back to the 80's party. Rachel and Monica are "dancing".]
Monica: That's weird. I've had the same number of beers as you and I don't feel anything at all. (Chandler approaches)
Ross: Yeah, the phone was facing the other way. (Chandler fixes it and a picture frame off the table.) And that goes back up there.
Rachel: (blushing) Oh, what a line. (walks towards the drinks table with her back towards Chandler and whispers "Oh my God!")
[Scene: Monica's apartment. The stripper is sitting at the kitchen table. Monica, Rachel and Phoebe are standing around him]
Chandler: I'm in college and I'm in a band.
Rachel: (She considers it for a second) Yeah okay. (She puts her hands around his neck and they start kissing again)
Roy: Yeah, yeah, yeah... This is so weird. I mean, you never know when it's gonna be your last dance. And I didn't even get a chance to finish it.
Donny: Well, welcome to the Winner Circle. Joey and Gene, you guys ready?
[Scene: The game show studio. Joey and Gene are sitting in the winner circle.]
(There's the next bell, and the correct answer. The screen changes to "4 to win" and "things that burn". Gene now realizes that he got two correct answers and gets up in his seat.)
(the screen says "6 to win" and "types of trees")
(Joey hears the bell which means his answer is correct and is surprised. The screen now says "5 to win" and "Spanish words")
(there's 10 seconds left, "1 to win" and "Supermodels")
Monica: She and Phoebe took the stripper to the hospital.
(and another bell for the correct answer. "3 to win" and "What a dog might say")
(the bell sounds again, "2 to win" and "pizza toppings")
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica's there and Ross and Chandler walk in.]
Monica: And that's great for you guys, but we want a lawn and a swingset...
(Joey comes out of Monica’s apartment and sees Rachel and Amy but does not notice the huge amount of bags)
Chandler: Why would I kiss a girl, and then put her on your bed?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey's sitting on the couch and Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Yeah, you've... you know, sort of been like a dad to me. I mean, you've always, you know, looked out for me and shared your wisdom...
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch. A waitress brings a coffee and Phoebe wants to pay.]
Monica: (she enters with a headset on and she's speaking into the microphone) Well, it matters to me!
Phoebe: Ok, so... 1800 minus twelve is... one thousand, seven hundred and...
Rachel: Oh, Monica made me send her to my mother's. Apparently babies and weddings don't mix.
(cut to Ross, Chandler and Rachel)
Rachel: Well, this is really awkward (staring at the floor) Oh, and I can leave!
Phoebe: I'm sorry you guys but, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school so... you know, you were-you were... if it helps you, you were next in line, you just-you just missed the cut.
Ross: What? (Ross and Chandler don't know what to say, so there's an embarrassing long pause)
Phoebe: No, of course not! I also, you know, prepared a reading (she picks up a book). “Sex and the single mother. (pause) Finding your G-spot.
Ross: Who cares, AND?
Ross: And it's a wedding! It'd be weird if I'm not in it...
Mike: Yeah look, about tomorrow, I... I've got a question for ya. I just found out that one of my groomsmen had had an emergency and can't make it.
Man with a bow tie: Jarvis Oberblau, Cornell. (sighs) I mean, the ideas you put forth and, and from someone... so... young... and... (sighs again and smiles at Ross blissfully).
Mike: ...and I was wondering if... you know, maybe one of you guys... (Ross stands up)
Chandler: Pick me, I look great in a tux and I will not steal focus.
(Cut to Chandler and Ross. Phoebe comes out of the ladies room and they run toward her.)
[Scene: Wedding rehearsal dinner. Joey and Mike are talking.]
MIKE: huh.� (pause)� What's the difference between beer and lager?
Phoebe: Oh, I got tired of naming states. So I decided to list the types of celery, and I have one: regular celery.
Phoebe: YOU'RE FIRED! (mimes the CUT again) (pause and she raises her glass) Cheers! (Chandler raises his, smiling and Monica stares at him and he puts down his glass.)
Monica: Hi. About last night... I know you are under a lot of stress and even though the things you said hurt me a little bit... My point is, uh, well, I'm willing to take my job back.
Conan: And then it just builds on itself and theres no doing the scene after. I mean you probably wait and really get it together and do it.
Monica: Oh, is that so? Ok. If that's really what you want, then here... I give you the headset. Well, I don't really want to give you the headset. Well I guess if you're taking over, you should probably return these messages. (hands her a stack of papers with messages and calls to return)
Ross: I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump! (he goes to Rachel's room, knocks the door and enters the room). (very fake gasp) Oh! My God! You're breathtaking!
Joey: I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is very very important to me, ok? And I wanna make sure that you are gonna take care of her.
Joey's Co-Star: Not if we extract tissue from the original host body, synthesize antibodies, and introduce them into your system, which could stop it from rejecting the brain.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is pacing and Rachel walks in.]
Chandler: Oh come on! Hello! Hi! My name is Chandler, here's my friend Ross right here, and we were wondering you know if you're up for it. We only need six more people for a human pyramid...Swoop!! Swoop!!
(Phoebe walks to the door and half-opens it)
(Mike and Joey come out of Joey's room)
Monica: (very serious) It's 2101 and I am not amused. (pause). Ok, the bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say. (Everyone sits and Phoebe gets up)
(Cut to Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Ross storm in looking very unhappy)
Phoebe: Listen, Mike, if you were Swedish and you were saying the word "lorkins" what flowers would that be?
Rachel: Ok-dokey, Joey, listen. This is gonna be bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair and make-up going on in the bathroom and oh, I had to move a couple of things in the fridge to make room for the corsages.
(Ross and Chandler look shocked)
Phoebe: (genuinely excited about it) Yeah, yeah! And you can get rid of that French poster.
Monica: Ooh! But the band and the photographer are coming all the way in from New Jersey!
Ross: Yeah, and to save you from any embarrassment umm, I think maybe I should talk first.
Ross: (To Phoebe and Mike) I can't believe you guys aren't going to be able to get married today.
[Scene: Outside. They are a bunch of people arranging chairs, shoveling snow and making other preparations.]
Mike's mom: No... It's lovely. The lights and the snow. I could look at them forever.
Chandler and Ross: I'll do it!
Chandler: I'm not scared. (moves towards Mike and Chappy) I'll just take little Chappy and... (he backs out) HE CAN SENSE MY FEAR. MY THROAT IS EXPOSED.
Mike's dad: (leans in towards Mike) I crushed a pill and put it in her drink... (to his wife) Come on, sweetheart.
Joey: Yeah, you'd think I'd give up being a minister and start paying to ride the subway? Huhuh...
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)
(Cut to inside Central Perk where Rachel is helping Phoebe. Chandler and Monica enter.)
Rachel and Monica: I love you.
Monica: Okay, Joey's doing the ceremony and Chandler's giving you away.