words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are getting ready to go on their honeymoon. Monica is entering from the bedroom.]
(Joey looks at him, Phoebe tries not to smile, and Chandler is shocked.)
Rachel: And I also wanted you guys to know that I am telling the father today. (They all look at her expectantly) What? What? What?
Monica: This is so great! And Im gonna be your babys aunt!
Rachel: (breaking the hug) Youre all gonna be aunts and uncles.
Rachel: Well I was gonna tell him that Im-Im gonna have the baby and he can be as involved as he wants.
Monica: Well I guess there is no harm in telling you now, Rachel and Ross are gonna have a baby.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are entering.]
Joey: Yknow, Monica and Chandler are married. Ross and Rachel are having a baby. Maybe you and I should do something.
Phoebe: You mean the time you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it up with Monicas guest towels?
Joey: Monicas chicken parm! Ill take care of it. (He picks up the phone) Hey Mr. Treeger, its Joey Tribbiani. Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandlers apartment. Its an emergency. (Listens) Uhh, gas leak! Yeah oh, and bring garlic bread. (Hangs up.)
(Phoebe and Joey trade looks)
Ross: Yeah. Uh, uh we promised we werent gonna tell anybody this but uh, about a month ago Rachel and I slept together.
Phoebe: (deadpan) And?
Phoebe: Oh sorry. (Shocked) And?!
Joey: Please, just-just, just go and talk to Rachel.
Ross: Yeah, I guess I should. (Starts to leave.) Man, yknow what I have to realize? Maybe Im just not the type of guy women can have just one night with. Yknow, they-they always seem to want a little bit more. I should remember that. (He pauses and then exits.)
[Scene: The Airport Ticket Counter, Monica and Chandler are standing in line behind another couple kissing who are next in line to be served.]
Monica: (to the couple) Hi! Can you do that and walk? Cause she said, "Next."
Ticket Agent: Congratulations. Okay, Mr. Bing youll be in 25J and Mrs. Bing youll be in 25K.
Monica: Oh no, you see were on our honeymoon. So umm, can you do your little thing and bump us up to first class?
Chandler: 25J and K, any chance those arent together?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Joey are playing Rock em, Sock em Robots.]
Phoebe: Of course I do! And Im gonna give it back to you as soon as theyre done with it at the key shining place.
(They hear a knocking sound coming from the hallway and go to investigate.)
(They go into the hallway and see Mr. Treeger watching one of New Yorks bravest breakdown Monica and Chandlers door with an ax.]
[Scene: The Airport, Chandler and Monica are following the previous couple through a tiny hallway that proves this is a set on a sound stage and not an actual airport, and see them enter the first class lounge.]
Monica: Fine. (Starts to walk away then she runs over and grabs an orange before she exits.) Go! Go! Go!
[Scene: The Hallway Outside Rosss Apartment, Ross is walking towards his apartment and sees Rachel sitting in front of the door.]
Ross: Yeah, and to save you from any embarrassment umm, I think maybe I should talk first.
Ross: Okay. (He sits her down in a chair.) Uh, Ross and Rachel. Rachel and Ross. Thats been one heck of a see-saw hasnt it?
Ross: I mean look, that-that one night we had was fun and and certainly passionate, but dont you think its better if we just stayed friends?
Ross: Oh sure. (He sits on the apothecary table and touches her hand.)
Rachel: (touches his knee) Im pregnant. (Ross stops.) Ross? (Ross is staring off into space.) Ross? (Ross is still frozen) Okay, whenever youre ready. (Sits back and opens her magazine.) And youre the father by the waybut you got that
Ross: No they dont!!! (He runs to the bedroom to check and returns with his box of condoms.) Well they should put it in huge black letters!!!!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Mr. Treeger has finished inspecting Monica and Chandlers apartment.]
Joey: (eating) Huh. So then I can heat this up? (Goes and does so.)
Phoebe: Oh great! And listen, could you do us a favor and not tell Chandler and Monica about this? Cause yknow umm, they dont-they dont have any kids of their own and-and this door was like a child to them.
(Treeger leaves and Ross notices the door.)
Ross: Yeah but uh Okay, okay look you guys know that Rachel and I slept together, but theres something else. (Pause) Rachels pregnant.
Ross: Nothing. But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful. And then when I turned around she was gone.
Joey: What?! (Grabs his condoms from his pocket and looks.)
[Scene: The Atlantis Resort, Chandler and Monica are arriving to check in, but are behind the couple from before again.]
Monica: What? (Monica sees the first couple and gasps.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is on the phone and Phoebe is watching him.]
Joey: Hey Monica its Joey. Listen uh, Phoebe and I smell gas comin from your apartment.
Joey: Yeah and wed go check it out, but you took away our keys.
Joey: Uh, okay Ill-Ill-Ill break it down. (He hands the phone to Phoebe, gets up, picks up a chair, and starts banging it on the floor.)
(Theres a knock on the door and Ross enters.)
Rachel: When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!
Dr. Long: Okay, everything looks good. Here it is on the screen. (We see Ross and Rachel looking at the screen.) Here is your uterus. And right here is your baby.
(Dr. Long exits and Rachel starts to cry.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are there as Rachel and Ross return from the doctors appointment.]
Ross: Oh. (He takes the picture and hugs her.
Rachel: Okay. (Sits back and resumes her reading.)
Monica: Oh no sweetie, no! This is my fault, I wasnt clear! Im really sorry. And listen, you take as much time as you need to move out okay? Theres absolutely no rush.
Monica: Umm, when I said that uh, that Chandler and I wanted to umm, live together we meant alone together.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is packing some books and Joey is watching him.]
Joey: God, its gonna so weird like when I come home and youre not here. Yknow? No more Joey and Chans. No more J and Cs. "You wanna go over to Joey and Chandlers?" "Cant, its not there."
Chandler: And youre upset because you didnt make your best friend cry?
[Scene: Rosss lawyers office, his name is Russell and has just been told by Ross about his current situation.]
Ross: Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas and we got drunk
Actor: (Very melodramatically, and very badly) Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is painting her toe nails as Monica enters.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Housekeeper: Miss Waltham, is at the rehearsal dinner and its not polite to make fun of people. Goodbye.
Russell: Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never had I so much business from one client. Why dont you tell me what happened.
Ross: And Mon, you wanna live with Chandler, dont ya?
Phoebe: (to Joey and Chandler) Okay, bye!
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandlers.]
Joey: (waving) Very funny Ross! Very life-like and funny. Okay. (Notices that a woman is waving back.) Oh no-no-no, I wasn't waving at you lady. (She just stares at him.) (Joey sees how beautiful she is.) Whoa, maybe I was! Hey, Monica, this totally hot girl in Ross's building is flirting with me.
[Cut to Monica and Rachels as Ross walks through the door. Rachel is holding the chrome star and crying.]
Rachel: Monica and Chandler are really moving in here and I have to move out and everything is changing.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are talking.]
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on, I can handle Ross. (They go to the door. Ross is trying to stick his hand through and undo the chain; Monica pushes his hand back.) (To Ross) Hold on! (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?
Rachel: Well yknow, its you guys. You-you do this kind of stuff! Yknow? I mean, you-you were gonna get married in Vegas and then you backed out! I guess Im not upset because I dont see you guys going through with it. Im sorry.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Chandler enters.]
Phoebe: But then we ditch those two and thats when we get married. Well have Chandlers money and Rachels kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachels drinking problem.
Phoebe: I dont want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him.
Phoebe: I know. Then, Im gonna marry Chandler for the money and youll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.
Joey: Yeah but we wont be able to like get up in the middle of the night and have those long talks about our feelings and the future.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is reading a magazine, eating a cookie, and drinking some coffee as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Yeah, Professor and Mrs.
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah, yknow you and Ross are still married.
Rachel: And Mrs.?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe, back to reality, are sitting in normal clothes.]
Phoebe: Oh, theres a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming from across the hall.]
Chandler: Nothing, Monica and I had a stupid fight.
Ross: Youre never gonna believe it uh, Monica and Chandler are moving in again. Thats great news rightI mean for them. Right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are all there as Phoebe enters dejectedly.]
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
Ross: Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into "
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash. Basically, the music sucks.)
Joey: So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe enters to find Rachel still packing.]
Rachel: Yes, so close. Mrs. Lynch, I know that this is an emotional and difficult time, for all of us. But by any chance did Joanna send any paperwork your way before it happened.
Monica: No-no, I-I just, I liked them so much that I went out and bought some for myself.
Joshua: You okay? (Rachel swallowed it whole and is not hacking like a heavy smoker in the morning.) You all right? (Rachel walks away, coughing.)
Rachel: Okay. Uhh, Ross, y'know what, there's something that I-that I have to talk to you about and everybody's saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I think they're wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong.
Ross: It went great! And I didnt need any jokes or naked chicks either!
Phoebe: Yeah, thanks. And listen, can you do me a favor? Could you just umm, wake me up in a couple hours, yknow if you can.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Joey: (in obvious pain) Hey! So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow and Ill have my health insurance back in no time.
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
Chandler: (entering from his room carrying a fire extinguisher and wearing oven mitts) Oh yeah, it's great! See you take a tennis ball, a bowl, and some lighter fluidOp! Op! (He puts out a small fire which has re-ignited in his room.)
Monica: Yeah, but yknow we could sneak in and watch.
Joey: Well because you didn't give me advice! No! You gave me a pickup line! As soon as I told her I wanted to y'know, build a foundation and be friends first. I suddenly, through no fault of my own, became irresistible to her! (Pause) And her roommate!
Rachel: Yeah, and not a very good one.
(They turn back to Rachel and Professor Rathman.)
Chandler: I will loan you the money. Just go to the hospital and lets just get that thing pushed back in.
Joey: Ooh, like the time you and I went to Atlantic City and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak?! Remember?
Phoebe: No-no, itll be fun! We can come back and we can haunt these guys!
Joey: Yeah, why dont you move in with me? Itll be great! We could stay up late, watch movies, and you know about Naked Thursdays right?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Baywatch with the baby chick. Hes on one leather chair, the chick is on the other. Its watching Yasmine Bleeth run and is chirping.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are playing phone pranks on Ross.]
Chandler: No, not us (Motions Joey and him.) Us! (Motions Monica and him.)
(Joey pulls his hand out and reverts back to intense pain.)
(Rachel mumbles uh-huh and spits the half-eaten cookie out onto the tissue.)
Joey: Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower.
[Scene: The Wedding reception, Ross and Emily are in the bathroom and Emily is yelling at him. Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are standing outside the doorway.]
Joey: Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, the scene is continued from earlier, only Ross has dismissed the class and is now talking to Monica and Rachel.]
The Director: And Action!
Phoebe: And then. I would use y'know the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel's surprise party. The apartment is festooned with cups. There are cups everywhere! Cup centerpiece, cup garland, etc., etc]
[Scene: Ross and Rachels apartment, Rachel is unpacking as the phone rings.]
Joey: (To Chandler) Hey man, you feeling any better? (Chandler answers him with some guttural sounds that only he can make and that no human can transcribe.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Monica are at the counter getting some more coffee.]
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. The table is set, and there's food on the tables again. They're all there, toasting.]
Joey: Theres a lost and found? (Gunther sets the box up on the table.) My shoe! (Grabs it out of the box.)
Monica: Joey, why dont you put them in the lost and found?
Monica: (normal voice) Oh, you can have an accent and I cant?! (To an exiting student in accent.) Top O the morning to ya laddies!
Phoebe: (stops) Please! Please! Please! Please! Oh please! Please! Please! Frank and Alice asked me to baby sit the triplets and Im nervous cause Ive never done that before by myself!
Joey: Yeah, its (looks up and sees the woman) mine.
[Scene: The street down the block from Central Perk, Joey has found the Porsche and is writing the note.]
Rachel: So, I still have boxes here. I still have boxes at Rosss, and I have nowhere to live! Wow. I could so easily freak out right now.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are having tea.]
(Ross grunts something and hands her the pen he was trying to hand her.)
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on! Itll give us great practice for when(realizes what shes about to say and changes)people with babies come to visit.
Chandler: And?
Monica: And six others.
Joey: And thats just in the city. I get her up to 160 when I take her upstate.
Joey: Oh I-I uh, found the keys and now Im just polishing her up.
{Transcibers note: Ill finish that one for those of you who dont know what theyre talking about. Where the towels are Hers and Hers and His, Threes Company too! Yeah, thats the theme song for Threes Company.}
(The guy gets in and drives off.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the triplets are all in their crib as Monica and Phoebe watch them.]
Chandler: Glass, sand, whatever. (Walks out as Monica and Phoebe turn to check on the babies again.)
Phoebe: No Chandler, they can swallow one of those little parts! And also, look at his smooth area, thats just gonna mess them up.
ROSS: Well then that's it. And if George and Adelaide can't accept that, then the hell with them. Look, if my parents didn't want me to marry you, no way that would have stopped me. Look, this is your wedding. Do it.
Ross: Look, face it, my father is not going to pay for the build-in barbecue and believe me you can kiss you gazebo goodbye. Now I might be able to get you the new lawn.
Judge: And based on the fact that Mr. Geller is intravenous drug user.