words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and a beautiful blonde (Cheryl) are standing outside. The rest of the gang is watching from inside.]
Chandler: Ross and the most beautiful girl in the world.
[Cheryl walks away and Ross walks inside. Everyone stares at him in disbelief.]
Ross: I've seen her at work, but I always figured, ah-huh? But, uh, I made her dinner. We had a great time. And we're going out again tomorrow.
Rachel: Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there. Chandler enters.]
Phoebe: Yeah, but remember you said you ordered something special, and it just hasn't come yet?
Phoebe: Yeah, and what a great way to say, "I secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend!"
Ross: How do you think it's gonna look when you get her something incredibly meaningful and expensive and her boyfriend Joey gives her an orange?
Monica: Really? Cause I'd need like $500 for all the food and the supplies and stuff.
Rachel: Yes, you have to get her something, and it should be something really nice.
Rachel: And not one of your coupons for an hour of "Joey Love."
[cut to a new scene, also in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting, Phoebe is nearby.]
Rachel: No! I'm sorry, honey, it's just that last week I got all but three answers and I really want to finish a whole one without any help.
Monica: Oh my God, it was the best funeral ever! I mean, everyone loved the food, and guess what? I even got another funeral for tomorrowthe dead-guy-from-today's best friend. I mean, it is like I am the official caterer for that accident!
Monica: Oh. Well, I didn't realize that you needed it back right away. I mean, you told me to go and be a caterer. So I went. I beed. I mean, I... I used it to buy all this stuff. But lookI've got another job tomorrow, so I'll pay you back with the money I make from that.
[Scene: Outside Cheryl's apartment, Ross and Cheryl are kissing]
[They go into the apartment. Inside the apartment it looks like a sewage dump exploded and landed in her living room. There are clothes and food and junk covering every square inch of space. I mean pigs have nicer pens. Ross is completely shocked.]
Ross: (mouths "where?") Uh... Oh hey, do you, uh (steps on some garbage and falters) ...do you have any, um, Cinnamon Fruit Toasties?
[Scene: A kitchen where Phoebe and Monica are finishing up a catering job]
Monica: Um, and, well there's the.. the the small matter of...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on the couch still doing the crossword. Chandler is in the kitchen.]
Rachel: And you know which one we should see? The 1996 Tony award winner. Do you happen to know the name of that one?
Rachel: What did you get her? (Joey opens up a rectangular black box and holds up a pen.)
Chandler: Because she's not eleven! And it's not the seventh night of Hanukkah!
Joey: (whining and heading toward the door) Look, it's too late, and I got an audition. I can't shop anymore! I...
Chandler: All right. I will go out and I will try to find something for her, okay?
Joey: Thanks, man. And oh, while you're at it, could you get her a card?
Phoebe: Pay the caterer! Look, I've had a lot of jobs, okay, and there are some people who just always try to get out of paying. It's either, you know, "that massage wasn't long enough, or, "I don't recognize any of those songs," or, you know, "these sombreros aren't big enough. Bad little white girl!"
Mrs. Burkart: (singing) You're a grand ol' flag, you're a high-flying flag, and forever in peace may you wave....
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are standing and talking, Ross is tying a tie.]
Ross: Well, like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived! (Ross takes the loosely tied tie off and hands it to Joey who puts it on.) Here.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel, Rachel is there, Chandler enters.]
Rachel: All right, look. Why don't you just return the book, let Joey give her the clock pen, and you give her something worse than that. Like... a regular pen.
Rachel: Oh! Pathetic! (Grabs the crossword puzzle and starts writing.)
[cut to Monica and Phoebe in the kitchen]
Mrs. Burkart: (Singing) Come on along and listen to...
Phoebe: Excuse me. Excuse me! (Mrs. Bukart stops singing) Thanks. Um, clearly this is a very, very hard time for you. Um, but, um, we provided a service, and we deserve to be paid because you ate that service, and, um, we are not leaving here until we're paid every penny. 'Cause you know what, lady? We're part time caterers, and we have no place else to go.
Phoebe: Good. (Phoebe and Mrs. Burkart go into the other room, leaving Monica with everyone staring at her.)
Cheryl: I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable. (Ross attempts to clear a place for his coat and fold it small enough to fit. Then hit sits on the couch. Something falls on him from above and he brushes his neck off frantically.)
Ross: Oh! (She kisses him) Ah. (They kiss more, and move down onto the couch. Ross's hand moves under some garbage) Aw! (His hand is covered with something brown and gooey.)
[They sit up, moaning in excitement, and Cheryl straddles Ross. Ross finds a slice of bologna and moans higher and louder, then a bag of potato chips on the coffee table starts to move. Ross throws Cheryl off his lap, grabs a tennis racket and a toilet brush and starts pounding the bag.]
Rachel: I did it! Oh! I finished it! I did it all by myself! And there's nobody to hug!
[From the background we hear a crash and Gunther comes running out of the back room, pushing people aside, reaching for Rachel.]
[Gunther slips and falls just before reaching the back of the couch. Monica and Phoebe come into Central Perk.]
[Gunther gets up slowly from behind the couch and walks away sadly]
Monica: And I'm a wuss. And we should be partners.
Phoebe: Yeah. Hard Ass and Wuss. We could fight crime!
Monica: Wait a minute, Phoebe! We should be partners. We should be catering partners. I mean, think about it! You're not working right now, and we have such a great time together!
Monica: I can cook and you can take care of the money.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is there, Joey enters.]
Joey: Oh, man, she loved it! She's over there showing Monica and Rachel right now.
Chandler: See, you think it's just a pen, but then you turn it over and it's also a clock.
Kathy: Well, uh, when Joey gave it to me, he said, "This is 'cause I know ya like Rabbits, and I know ya like cheese." Thanks. I love it. And I know how hard it must have been for you to find.
Monica: Yeah. Anyway, he told me about your apartment. And, um, I couldn't sleep, thinking about it. So, uh, would it be okay if I cleaned it?
[Monica looks around the hallway, pulls out a sponge and starts scrubbing the door frame.]
ROSS: No look I wasn''t right, that's what I came here to tell you. I was totally hung up on, on my own stuff. Listen, I'm someone who needs the whole security thing, ya know. To know exactly where my next paycheck is coming from buy you, you don't need that and that's amazing to me. I could never do what you do Joey.
JANICE: OH.....MY.....GAWD!! (Chandler rushes over and kisses her)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading a script as Ross enters]
Written by: Michael Curtis and Gregory S. Malins Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is still writing in her book, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen as Joey enters.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is coming in from the bedroom]
Chandler: Steps! (He opens the door to his apartment to Ross and Joey looking at the new Playboy) Slut! (Ross and Joey quickly hide the Playboy behind their backs. Chandler wonders into the girls apartment.) You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
Janice: Oh, I wish. Look, honey, you have that report to finish, and I gotta go see my lawyer.
Janice: (entering and singing) Monica and Rachel had syrup, now I can get my man to cheer up. (laughs hysterically) Good morning Joey.
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Monica is entering from the bathroom.]
Chandler: Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went.
Rachel: (she leans over and kisses him on the cheek) Honey, I was wondering....
[Scene: Ross's bedroom, Ross is working and Rachel is reading a book in bed]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there]
Phoebe: Um, um. It's huge. Yeah, that's the moment, when-when, you know she stopped being a princess, and became, like, a woman, you know.
Rachel: Yeah, and could you please chop some up and just put it right there in the sauce?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are entering]
Ross: Yeah. Look, you don't, you don't talk about like, you know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you, you do with her.
Rachel: That is so sad. Your missing out on so much, Ross. I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know. And-and knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.
Monica: Okay, this isn't working. I'm still awake and now I have to pee.
Phoebe: All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put down the glass. And get out!
BEST MAN: No, no, no now in all seriousness, its not a lot of women would've had the guts to come back here tonight, and even fewer, who would do it with their asses hanging out! (da-doom-chesh)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's]
Janice: A little birdie told me something about you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are entering]
[Joey is looking at Rachel, smiling, and gesturing his head towards Ross.]
ROSS: All right I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this, because I wanna be a good friend, and dammit I am a good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes (kisses Joey).
Joey: (Checks to see if shes drooling on his shirt.) Okay. Okay, okay, hey. (Lays her down and covers her with a blanket.) There we go, lets get your feet up there. (Looks at her) Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams. (Picks up a garbage can) Im gonna put this can right here in case you have to hurl.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Janice are returning from their DAY OF FUN!]
Janice: Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!!! (laughs)
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Monica is watching the Civil War videos]
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, theyre all eating the wax, Chandler and Phoebe, dont like it. Joey tries some and makes a face like: Hey, thats not so bad.]
Joey: Oh, hey, Chandler, we, ah, we stopped by the coffee shop and ran into Ross.
CHANDLER: It's not that hard to learn. And as for people realizing you have no idea what you're doing, hey, you're an actor. Act like a processor, people will think you're a processor.
Ross: No, no it's, um, it's not you, um, it's um, it's (turns and sees his Mom standing where Rachel is)
Monica: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes!
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, everyone is getting ready to go to a banquet]
Ross: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life. (Rachel starts looking around and down, with a 'What the hell is going on?' look on her face.)
Chandler and
Joey: (drinks from the glass and puts it back in the fridge) Yep, it's fat. I drank fat!
Chandler: Yeah, and then I fell asleep on the subway and went all the way to Brooklyn. Brooklyn is f-far!!
Ross: Yay! And that takes what? Just six or seven minutes.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross is acting nervous]
Monica: Has somebody been drinking my fat? (Joey and Chandler look at each other)
Chandler: Yeah, come on, its Ross and Rachel, theyve got too.
Ross: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the baby like a football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me.
Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am so not ready to be a father.
Ross: I.....got.....dressed. Really, really quickly. Okay, okay. (Rachel starts to follow Monica into her room, but Ross stops her and sends her back to her room.) There we go, there we go.
Rachel: Okay, here we go. I'm Jabba's prisoner, and you have a really weird look on your face. What? Honey, what is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I get the hair wrong? What? Did you just picture it differently? What? What?
Ross: Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing. And you know what I did?
Chandler and
Rachel: (We see a flashback as Rachel describes what happened.) All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh (The flashback shows that she kissed him on the cheek.)
Joey: Yeah, yeah. We went to a Mets game, we got Chinese food, and you know, I love this woman. You have got competition buddy.
Chandler: Maybe he's calling to say your obsessive and crazy.
MONICA: You know what, maybe I don't need to have children. You know maybe I just think I do because that is what society, and by that I mean my mom, has always convinced me that I...(sees two little girls dancing together) I do, I have to have children, I'm sorry, I just do.
Chandler: All right! Fine! I'm going. But when I get back it's chair sitting, and I'm the guy who's....sitting in a chair! (leaves)
Monica: Here, I got it. I'll will play my message for you guys, and you can tell me if it's breezy enough.
(Chandler enters, and Joey is standing near the chair, they have a show down to see who gets the chair and Joey wins)
Phoebe: No it's just that I got this new pager and I have it on vibrate. See ya!
Joey: Well y'know, Ive been walking the same way since high school. Y'know, y'know how some guys they walk into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a take notice walk.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier]
JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, with the puppy, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Joey: Okay. (he gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave)
Monica: Uh, huh. (to Ross) Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away. (Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe leave)
Ross and
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, its later that morning, everybody has gotten up and Ross and Phoebe has joined them for breakfast. Rachel is returning from shopping.]
Ross: Okay, hey, that's okay with me. Two down and I have exactly twelve minutes.... Wha, my watch stopped. My watch. (shows Chandler) Okay, see, the, the dinosaur tail isn't going around any more. (grabs Chandler's watch) What time is it? It's 7:33, I have seven minutes. I have seven minutes!!
(Joey takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He fumbles and drops the lighter. Then he lights a cigarett, takes a drag, and coughs.)
Ross: No, no, no just do it. Go in there and pick something out so we can go.
ROSS: Ok, and then you take the poopie diaper and you put it in the poopie diaper pail.
Chandler: Oh just great. He beeps me now with codes. One is, "Bring me food." Two is, "Im with a girl, bring us food." Three is, "Im lost and I cant find food."
Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, it's Monica. I'm just checking in 'cause I got this message from you and I didn't know if it was old or new or what. So, I'm just checkin'. So let me know, or don't, whatever. I'm breezy."
Phoebe: I'll get it, okay. (answers phone) Hi, Monica and Rachel's. (listens) Yeah, just a second, can I ask who's calling. (to Monica) Oh, ew, it's Michelle! Ew! She, she must have that Caller Id thing. You should get that.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming home. As we walks through the door, and without looking up, he goes to throw his keys on the foosball table, only, its gone and the keys it the floor. He then looks up at an empty apartment; everything is gone except for the entertainment center and that ceramic dog. Even the food in the fridge!]
[Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe has adorned her bucket with numerous signs. Like "We are not a urinal!" and "I have no Macys info." And other stuff like that. She also has a scowl on her face as she is ringing her bell. A little old lady walks up to make a donation but Phoebe stops her.]
Rachel: Right, and the humiliating.
The Director: (entering, drunk) I am hurt! (to Joey and Kate) A plague on both your houses! (walks away)
Ross: I love you. (goes to kiss her and she turns away.)
Joey: You know what I want? I want a lot of things! I want to be with the woman I love on Valentines Day! And I want her to love me back! And I want just one moment of relief from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that thats never going to happen!
Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this. (Does a baseball sign.)
(Monica runs into the living room, and starts dialing the phone)
[Scene: Mike's parents house, the dining room. Mike, Phoebe, Mike's parents and the Angles are there.]
Ross: Okay, okay. If that is what it takes to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I want you there. Then that's what I'll do.
(Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is walking)
Chandler: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
Rachel: Come on. (they start to leave) Oh! And, uh, by the way....
Monica: So what, you're not the only one. I mean, half the time we don't know where we're going. You've just gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy.
Rachel: And I still have about five seconds to spare. (kisses him) Okay, that was about seven seconds.
[Scene: Phoebe's grandmother's place. Phoebe's grandmother is sitting at the table, reading the obituaries, and crossing out names in the phonebook.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering]
[Joey and Chandler enter]
Rachel: Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual...
Phoebe: Um, yeah, you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.
(They look up towards the vent and wave at Phoebe.)
Guy: Wait. You're right. I know you're right. And, thanks for being so nice. Here (gives her the flowers he bought.)