words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica and Chandler are making out on one of the chairs.]
Joey: Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman! (Starts for his room.) And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition! Okay, look, if I have to pretend I don't know about you two, then you two are gonna have to pretend there's nothing to know about.
Chandler and Monica: Okay.
(They wait for Joey to go into his room and close the door and then start making out again.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are there as Phoebe enters carrying a large box.]
Phoebe: Yeah, my mom sent me a family heirloom that once belonged to my grandmother. Can you believe it?! A year ago I didn't even have a family, and now I have heirlooms for crying out loud.
(She puts her leg up on the chair and removes this huge knife from her boot to open the box with. The guys are shocked at the knife's existence.)
Phoebe: Eeeee-(She opens the box and removes its contents and sees that it's a fur coat.)-ohh!! God! (She throws it at Joey.)
Ross: Look, if I can just do what Emily wants and get her to New York, I'm sure everything will be fine.
Phoebe: Oh my God! You got off easy! When my friend Silvie's husband said someone else's name in bed, she cursed him and turned his thingy green.
(Ross suddenly gets up and heads for the bathroom.)
[Scene: The Storage Room in the basement of Monica and Rachel's building, Monica and Rachel are looking for something.]
(The single light flickers and goes out. Leaving the room in total darkness.)
(Rachel grabs the bug bomb, activates it, throws it at the figure, and they both run out through the fog.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there.]
Ross: Nothing. Oh, actually, great news! I just got off the phone with Emily and it looks like I'm moving to a new apartment. Woo-hoo!
Ross: Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh new furniture, why not a fresh new apartment? Her cousin has this great place to sublet, it's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other.
Chandler: Now that's so funny, because last Christmas I got the gift of space. We should get them together and make a continuum.
(Monica and Rachel enter breathless.)
Monica: We were, we were just in the storage area and we saw this really creepy man!
Monica: And he came at us with an axe, so Rachel had to use a bug bomb on him!
Rachel: (proud of herself) Yeah, I-I-I just pulled the tab and I just fogged his yeti ass!
[Scene: Their Building, Monica and Rachel are going to apologize to Danny. Rachel knocks on his door, which he opens and he has this really bushy beard and long hair. Picture Paul Bunyan.]
(He closes the door. Rachel's not happy with that and knocks again. He opens the door.)
(He closes the door again. Once again, Rachel knocks (harder this time) and he answers it.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is making a drink as Phoebe enters with the fur coat.]
(Rachel enters from the bathroom and sees the coat.)
Rachel: What? Uhh, Phoebe, honey, honey, I know you're quirky and I get a big kick out of it, we all do actually, but if you destroy a coat like this that is like a crime against nature! Not nature, fashion!
Phoebe: This is fashion?! (Grabs the coat from Rachel.) Okay, so to you, death is fashion?! That's really funny. (She puts the coat on and starts to model it.) Here's Phoebe umm, sporting uh, y'know, cutting edge hairy carcass from y'know, the steal traps of wintry Russia. I mean, you really thing this looks good? (Sees herself in the mirror.) 'Cause I do.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, the gang is helping Ross move out by carrying boxes. Chandler has picked a particularly large and apparently heavy box, because he takes a running start at it and still can't budge it.]
(He picks up a smaller box and carries it to the moving van as Joey returns.)
Joey: Ohh. Hey, remember when I ran into this thing (The shutters that close off the kitchen.) and it kinda knocked me out a little?
Joey: It's not right what Emily wants you to do! She is totally-(The gang enters behind Joey and Phoebe pinches him again.)-Owww!! Stop pinching me! Look, now you guys said I only had to keep my mouth shut as long as Ross was happy, right? Well he just told me that he's not entirely happy.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are recovering from Ross's rebuke.]
(Monica and Chandler turn and stare at him.)
Phoebe: Well, I've been reading up and for your information, minks are not very nice. Okay, I admit it! I love this coat! Okay, Iit's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley! (She starts to leave but stops and says to Monica.) Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine!
[Scene: Their building's lobby, Danny is checking his mailbox as Rachel enters carrying shopping bags and goes to her mailbox. Danny has shaved his beard and cut his hair, Rachel doesn't recognize him.]
Danny: Come on, you got the shopping bags and the Sack's catalog.
Rachel: And stop saying that! I hate that!
(Rachel decides not to give up that easily and follows him to his apartment and bangs on the door, which he opens.)
Rachel: Fine! I judged you. I made a snap judgement. But you did it too! And you are worse because you are sticking to your stupid snap judgement! You can't even open up your mind for a second to see if you're wrong! What does that say about you?
Joey: Look, Ross, I feel really bad. I mean, you're going through all this stuff and I just acted like a jerk.
Phoebe: Yes! Exactly! And that's why
Monica: Why don't you come over tonight? And I'll make you favorite dinner.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Rachel, are getting ready for dinner.]
Rachel: Come on you guys! Listen, if Emily knew I was here having dinner you with you she would flip out and you know it. It's okay, I really I don't mind.
[Time lapse, dinner is now finished and Ross is looking out the window.]
Joey: Well uh, I don't know about who's here, but I can tell you for damn sure who's not here and that's Rachel!!
(Rachel waves her hands in disgust and starts to head for her room.)
Ross: Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with.
Emily: I'll feel better when I'm there, and I can know where you are all the time.
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
[Scene: A curbside newsstand, Phoebe is whistling and walking up to it wearing her fur coat. She stops and starts to look through a magazine and notices a squirrel on a nearby tree chirping at her.]
Phoebe: (to the squirrel) Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! (The squirrel stares at her.) All right, fine, now I get it. (To the clerk.) Here. (She hands him her coat.) You take it. (To the squirrel.) Are you happy now? I'm cold!
Joey: All right, all right, all right. (Starts to leave, stops, and turns around) I mean Ill have to check with him first, but Ill think hell be cool with it. (Monica shoos him out.)
Joey: Yeah, they do! Quit being a baby and leave me alone! There, youve just had your first class!
Monica: Yknow I used to go out with this guy that was a really light sleeper, and whenever I started to snore, he would just roll me over
Dr. Rhodes: Wait a minute, hold it. (He goes to the door and opens it.) Johnson! Will you come in here a moment?
Ross: Youre great. And I-I know someday this will happen for you too. You just hang in there.
Ross: So listen uh, I know you and I havent really had a chance to talk since uh, Emily and I decided to get married, and uh, I was just wondering how you were.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is not doing the dishes. She hears someone coming up the stairs and quickly puts down her magazine and pretends like shes actually doing the dishes.]
Rachel: I mean maybe you didnt hear about a serious relationship called me and Joshua?
Rachel: You are right there with Emily. And its yknow, its kinda like . its a tie! Well, I gotta get, I gotta get back to the dishes.
The Saleslady: Yes! I have it right here. (Phoebe and Monica both gasp at the dress.) Would you like to try it on Ms. Waltham?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is doing the dishes.]
The Saleslady: And could I get my ring back?
[Scene: Joey's audition, the director has returned and wants to see the combination.]
Phoebe: Nuh-uh! Theyre maternity pants. They even came with a list of baby names. (Pulls out a sheet of paper which lists whos been naughty and whos been nice.) See, these names are good, and these names are bad. (Finally, she figures it out.) Ohh.
(She disgustedly takes the ring off and gives it back.)
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, hes snoring again and Chandler is there to roll him over.]
Monica: Does she use the cups? Yes! I believe she does. Does she use the plates? Yes! I believe she does. (Looks at the wedding dress and stops.)
(She goes over and lets Phoebe bounce in wearing her own wedding dress.)
Chandler: Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think thats, I think thats really cool.
Rachel: Handling it? What do you mean, handling it? Theres nothing to handle. Now, maybe I would have a problem with this if it wasnt for me and Joshua. Yknow, theyre not gonna get married anyway!
Chandler: Because weddings are a great place to meet women, and when I dance, I look like this (Starts to dancing really, really, really badly. Ross enters behind him and he stops.)
JOEY: Well then tell me things like, 'Joey you'll be fine,' and, 'Hang in there,' and, and, 'Somethin' big's fonna come along, I know it.'
Joey and Chandler: What?!
Ross: Great! Because Emily and I are getting married in a month!
Rachel: Ohh, nothing, I just wanted to see you. See you and hug you. (Hugs him) See you.
Joshua: Wow! Uhh, Rachel uhh, youre a real special lady, but my divorce isnt final yet and, and, and weve been on four days, so Im thinking "No, but thanks."
Sleep Clinic Worker: Um-hmm, and did you stay up all night in preparation for your sleep study. (Joey doesnt answer) Uh, sir? (Joey starts snoring)
(She turns around and throws the bouquet to Phoebe.)
Chandler: Youre coming on to the entire room! (He goes over to pick up a stack of magazines next to her, and to get her attention, he throws them back down.) Im Chandler.
(As she leaves, a beautiful woman enters and sits down across from the boys.)
Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe turns and throws it on the couch.)
(She throws it straight, and Monica makes a big deal about catching it.)
[Starts to walk down the aisle, unfortunately she doesn't realize that her dress is bunched up in her underwear and her butt is showing.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is putting away the wedding dress, finally.]
Joey: (muffled) Oh, they gave it to me at the sleep clinic, and its gonna help me not to snore.
Rachel: And I-I am just trying to figure out why.
Rachel: Well, yeah, yknow how Ross and I were on again, off again, on again, off again? I guess I just figured that somewhere down the road, we would be on again.
Rachel: Ugh. (She goes over and lays her head on Phoebes lap.)
Monica: Oh God! Hes gonna come by and borrow some candles for his big date!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are sitting and talking.]
Chandler: Yep! And! A beautiful woman agreed to go out with me. (Theyre stunned.) Joey wanted to ask her out, but uh, she picked me.
Chandler: And we just sit here. I mean if I die the only way people would even know I was here, would be by the ass print on this chair! Look, we have to do something. Okay? Something huge!
Ross: I picked up the divorce papers. Uh, Ive already signed everything and I put little Xs where you need to sign.
Phoebe: But that woman can't know I work here. She's a friend of mine and I made this big stink about how awful this massage chains are.
Phoebe: Really?! I looked into that. Yeah, but, I mean it costs like $60,000 and yknow you can die. And, you would die!
Phoebe: So you guysll stay here and hang out with me?
Chandler: But Ill tell you something. One of these days were get off of our buts and rent Die Hard again!
Dana: Im sorry Chandler, yknow you are such a sweet guy and I, I dont want to hurt you. Oh, I wish there was something I can do to make you feel better.
Monica: Hey! (She jumps up and throws Emilys wedding dress into Rachels room.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is getting ready for a fishing trip and Phoebe is asking him about the fishing lures. Ross is playing with the rod, and Monica is pretty much just watching the on goings.]
[And with that we start off on a series of clips from the entire history of Ross and Rachel, from Rosss point of view. The first clip is from The Pilot.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are finishing up some cookies.]
Monica: Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (To Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
(A woman enters wearing a wet wedding dress and frantically starts to look around.)
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
Phoebe: Look Eric, turn around. (He does so.) Look, I like you, but it shouldnt be this hard. Yknow? This is our first date yknow? First dates are supposed to be about excitement and electricity and Ooh, he just touched my hand, did he mean to touch my hand? and yknow first kisses and (He kisses her) second kisses. (Motions for him to kiss her again which he does and they start to make out.)
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. [she playfully rubs his head and gets up]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are talking about passion.]
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
[Ross gets up, pleased with himself and starts to walk past Joey.]
(She thinks it over, and then walks away.)
Ross: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen.
(Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.)
[Cut to inside, Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
(She opens the door and they kiss.)
Steve: Well then you can't have any. (she grabs for the package, and it breaks open. Gummi-bears fly everywhere, some into the punch bowl on the table.) Bear overboard! I think he's drowning. (he throws some Sugar-O's into the punch bowl) Hey fellows! Grab on a Sugar-O... save yourself! (Mimicking the bears) "Help! I'm drowning! Help!"
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are arguing.]
[The next clip is the second famous fight in The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A Break.]
Rachel: Alright, fine, you go ahead and you do that, alright Ross.
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And Im happy for ya, but Im tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I dont know what to do anymore.
Ross: Oh, thank you. (She goes to kiss him, but he holds her coat up between their faces to stop her.) Hey, hey. (opens the door, sees Rachel, and hides Chloe behind the door) Rachel!!!!
Joey: (pretending to be an announcer) And the winner is Joey Tribbiani! (He then gets excited and goes over to the counter to practice his acceptance speech using a bottle of maple syrup as the award.) Oh Wow! I honestly never expected this. I uh, I didnt prepare a speech. But umm, Id like to thank (Rachel enters quietly) my parents, whove always been there for me. Id also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel
Monica: Yknow what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case (Chandler gets that disgusted look back.) Okay
(Rachel picks up a newspaper and starts beating him with it.)
[Cut back to the present, Ross is still looking at Rachel's invitation. Finally, he makes up his mind and mails it.]
(He thinks about it and decides to join in by turning over a chair and continue ransacking the place.)
Monica: Ohh, this is soo amazing! I cant believe my brothers getting married! And in London! Its so romantic!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are opening their invitations.]
Guy: I ah, I work at Bloomingdales and I might know of a job possibility if your, if your interested?
(Rachel starts going through her mail, and come across her invitation.)
[And with that, we go into another set of clips, this time from Rachels point of view.]
(Rachel, Ross and Phoebe have their hands full and are stuffing all kinds of things down Joeys pants.)
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if hes giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I cant do it. I cant do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)
Phoebe: (singing) Happy, happy Chanukah, Chandler and Monica. Very merry
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]
Rachel: Oh... (opens it and sees it is a pin) Oh my God. He remembered.
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to hang up on Julie.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is introducing Julie to the gang.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, it's Rachel birthday party and Chandler is about to spill the beans.]
Ross: Oh, that is so sweet.(listens) No, no, ok, you hang up. Ok, ok, one, two, three.(He doesn't hang up and motions for Rachel to be quiet.) Well you didn't hang up either.
[Scene, A Restaurant, Rachel is on her date, drunk, and is leaving that answering machine message.]
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross is checking his messages.]
Ross: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y(Rachel grabs the phone and hangs it up for him.)
Chandler: (showing her the pictures) Heres a picture of Ross. (Shows another one.) And thats me. (Another one.) And thats me and Ross. (Another one.) Oh-ho, that is a picture of our first kiss as a married couple.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross has just broken up with Julie and is about to get with Rachel.]
Chandler and Joey: Ohhh.
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross and Rachel.... You Know.]
(Ross and Rachel hug.)