words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey and Chandler are there eating breakfast.]
Chandler: (entering in a bathrobe) I just walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked! It was like torture!
Ross: Y'know if we ever go to war and youre captured, youre in for a big surprise.
Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean its bad enough that Im in love with my roommates girlfriendwhich by the way, I think she knows. Because every time were in the room together theres this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when Ive seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, shes smooth! Smooth! (leaves)
Joey: Yeah-yeah. And the craziest thing is that I just ate a whole pizza by myself! (Laughs)
Chandler: Look, Joey, Kathy is clearly not fulfilling your emotional needs. But Casey, I mean granted I only saw the back of her head, but I got this sense that shes-shes smart, and funny, and gets you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch playing cards, and Phoebe is working on a new song.]
(Monica is taking a drink as Ross says that, laughs, and snorts her drink.)
[Cut to later that same day, Ross has retrieved his keyboard and is about to debut, "The Sound."]
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash. Basically, the music sucks.)
Ross: Wow! Thanks, you guys. Thats uhohhh, I wanna, I wanna play you another piece! Umm! Uh-oh! I left my uh, helicopter sounds on another disk. Ill be right back! Okay? (Runs to fetch them) This is so nice, ImI am so (starts to break up and leaves)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
Chandler: Yeah, I know what youre thinkin! Yes, yes, your breasts are just as firm and juicy.
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.
Joey: (on the other end at a pay phone) Hey, its me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble.
Joey: We broke down on the Parkway, so I have to walk back and get some transmission fluid. And hey, listen could you please tell Kathy that Ill be there as soon as I can.
Joey: Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to(he stops talking suddenly)
Chandler: So I guess its just uh, you and me then.
Chandler: and then it got canceled.
Chandler: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. (Kathy is running her fingers through his hair, and Chandler catches himself enjoying it too much.) Yknow who also has great hair is Joey!
(Kathy leans in really close and Chandler mouths "Oh my God." She moves around in front of him and kneels at his feet.)
(They lean in to kiss and are interrupted by the phone.)
(Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, continued from earlier. Chandler and Kathy are still kissing, then they stop suddenly.]
Chandler: I have to; hes my best friend, and youre seeing him.
Chandler: Bye. (Kathy leaves and Chandler wonders over to and leans up against the door.) Are you still out there?
Kathy: (outside the door) No. (Chandler opens the door and they kiss again.)
Monica: (to Rachel and Phoebe) Y'know, theres a Starbucks about three blocks down.
(Rachel and Monica look at each other, and agree on something without saying anything.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is opening the door, but Chandler has the chain on it.]
Chandler: Hang on buddy! (He goes over and unlocks the door and opens it to reveal a fully furnished apartment.)
Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.)
Joey: Oh-no-no-no, you are! You do this, you give me the great advice, and hey listen, I was thinking about what you said yesterday about focusing on one woman, Im gonna do that.
Ross: Oh, thanks, thanks. So Monica tells me that uh, you dont want to play anymore because me and y'know my talent. Is that true?
Phoebe: Yeah, I-I cantI mean yknow I was trying to be really y'know okay and upbeat about it, I justI feel so dwarfed by your musical gift. I
Ross: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact opposite intent of my music. Yknow my music is-is meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, then I I wont play anymore.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch and Phoebe is getting coffee as Chandler enters. Ross is also there.]
Phoebe: Yeah! No, thats right. And I thought it was a really good idea.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and
Joey: And what?! Did you sleep with her?!
Chandler: Yes. Yes! Right! And I feel horrible. You have to believe me!
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!
Joey: Because its all tainted with your betrayal. From now on this apartment is empty for me! And Im not happy about you either. (The bread maker dings) Oh, and just so you know, I made that bread for you. (Joey walks into his bedroom and slams the door.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is playing his music. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
(Ross finally finishes with the same crash, and gets some applause.)
(Phoebe gets up and goes to play, Ross goes over and sits down next to Monica and Rachel.)
(Both Monica and Rachel laugh.)
[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross and the janitor are in the nocturnal house.]
Rachel: (holding Ben) Look Benny, spoon. (moves it back and forth) Spoon. Come on! All right, y'know what I think hes bored.
Monica and Rachel: Oh!!
(Monica takes the bear, grabs his hat, and rips off his head.)
Chandler: All right. Look, Im gonna go in here, and you dont buy me anything ever. (starts to go into the store)
Monica: Oh-ho-ho, sweetie, sweetie, you gotta stop saying that, now. Its no big deal, its not even worth mentioning, you see we all do it all the time. See watch this, Ben, Ben, Ben. (goes over and starts hitting her head on the post) Ow, Monica bang! (does it again) Everybody bang. (repeats) Ben bang. (repeats) Rachel bang. (repeats) Bang, Rachel bang! Oh, isnt that fun?
Rachel: Come on, its a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasnt smoked since.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]
[Ross enters behind Rachel, and look at each other for a moment.]
Phoebe: All right, there are no questions in the happy place. Okay, just, the warm breeze, and the moonlight flowing through the trees....
Phoebe: Oh my God! I killed him! I killed another one! And this curse is getting stronger too, to bring down something that big.
Ross: And tell them what? The naked guy we stare at all the time isnt moving.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is throwing darts, as Joey enters.]
Chandler: She doesnt know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I cant even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross has just finished putting Ben to sleep, and is entering from Rachels room.]
Ross: (running into the hall, in slow motion) You'll never get me, Joe!!! (he then pretends that he gets shot repeatedly and falls back against Joey and Chandler's door, dead.)
Joey: They have a kid together, y'know. Theyre like, theyre like a family, and if, I dont know, theres chance they could make that work, I know I wouldnt want to be the guy who stood in the way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, come poke a nude guy?
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because its, its, its not gonna be easy.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Janice are there.]
Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I dont wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y'know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y'know Youre the reason, you are the reason why their not together. and I hated that guy. And it didnt matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.
Chandler: I dont care! (turns around and to the people watching them) I dont care!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, and Ross are holding the giant poking device.]
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, first there was my aunt Mary, and then there was umm, John, my mailman, and then my, my cowboy friend Albino Bob.
Monica: (That annoying competitiveness thing kicks in again, what the heck is that with her and why must the writers show it every flippin' episode?!) Oh, we're not seeing a movie!
(They thread the needle and start poking him, he then stirs.)
Monica: And yet, were still poking him.
Chandler and Phoebe: Yes! You mean the world the world to me. Oh...
Chandler: (singing) Ill hold you close in my arms. (Phoebe enters) I cant resist your charms. And love....
Rachel: Right. So, what you have to do is, you have to accidentally run into her on purpose. And then act aloof.
Chandler and Phoebe: Ill be a fool for you. Im sure, you know I dont mind.
Monica and Phoebe: Hey!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there, the guys are watching football, the girls are cooking Thanksgiving dinner.]
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Joey: Come on man! You never want to do anything since you and Janice broke up.
Phoebe: Well, Im going to the dentist, so listen, okay, just be on the look out for anything that, that, that you can fall into, or, or that can fall on you, or... All right, just look out! Okay, And um, I also just wanna, I just wanna tell you all that um...... (starts to cry and runs out)
Phoebe: Y'know, for once, I am going to sit down and try to watch one of these things. (just as she sits down).
Joey: All right, I have one question. What is the deal with this? (Imitates Ross's 'quiet down' maneuver, but does move his hands up and down he just flaps his hands as if he's waving good-bye.)
Monica and Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Um, Monica and I arent supposed to play football.
Monica: Well yknow, Im just-Im just worried that bosses will see them and think they pay you too much money. Or! Or your assistant will see them and-and want a raise!
Monica: (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game.
[Scene: The fire escape, Joey is now hanging off of the bottom rung of the ladder that wont move and Ross is watching from above.]
(they walk over to the sink and discuss it for a moment)
Rachel, Chandler, and Joey: What?
(Chandler is getting ready to kick off, Ross is holding the ball between his foot and finger.)
Monica: Okay, Joeys gonna catch it, and you and I are gonna block.
CHANDLER: Oh, it's a website, it's the, uh, the Guggenheim (sp?, I'm not an art guy) museum. See, she likes art, and I like funny words.
Joey: All right. Okay. You and Monica, friends for a long time, and sure there are rules, but then you went to London. Oh, no, but thats different. I mean, there are rules there, too! You know what I mean?
Janice: Oh! Youre right. Oh God. But, before I can say good-bye, theres something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, its like, I finally understand what Lionel Richies been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, its like movie love, youre my soulmate, and I cant believe were not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
[cut to Ross and Monica.]
Chandler and Joey: Yeah! Why dont you stick around. You can sit right there.
[cut to Chandler, Joey, and Margha.]
(she goes and sits down)
Margha: It is okay, if I stay and watch?
(Joey starts to return the fumble and Chandler grabs Joeys shirt and rips it off of his back.)
(Rachel takes the ball from his hands and bounces it off of Rosss forehead and Chandler catches the rebound.)
(Phoebe runs and scores a touchdown.)
[Scene: Rosss apartment, he and Emily are addressing their invitations.]
Monica and Joey: One-Mississippi. Two-Mississippi. Three-Mississippi.
[cut to Monica and Rachels.]
Monica: No! Listen, Im not gonna go through this with you again, okay. Just once I wanna beat when you cant blame it on the broken nose, the buzzer, or the fact that you thought you were getting mono. Lets just call this, tie score and its halftime.
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Rachel: What? You wanna see me self-defend myself?! Go over there (points) and pretend youre a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!!
Monica: When Mom and Dad drove you to the hospital to get your nose fixed, I swam into the lake and fished it out.
Ross: Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game. But our Dad said, nobody won that game, and he was sick of our fighting, so he took the trophy and.... (pauses to collect himself, as he is on the verge of tears saying this) threw it in the lake.
(Chandler catches the ball and starts to run upfield.)
Ross: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. And sweetie..
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is greeting her Father for their brunch.]
Monica: What?! I just touched him and he went over.
[Sequence 1: Monica throws the ball over Chandlers head to Joey who catches it for a touchdown, and starts to dance in celebration. Chandler then tackles him, and he starts to dance in celebration.]
(She starts checking her form. Chandler sees movement near the window from the corner of his eye and when he looks he spots Joey climbing up the fire escape and onto their balcony. He warns Monica silently.)
Joey: Her name is Dutch, and also Marklan.
[Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a pass. Ross runs over and pulls her pants down, steps in front of her and intercepts the pass.]
Phoebe: (no accent) Uhm... Okay, well, allright, uhm... Originally I'm from upstate, but uhm... then my mom killed herself and my stepdad went to prison, so... I just moved to the city where uhm... I actually lived in a burned out Buick LeSabre for a while... (frowns are received) which was okay, that was okay, until uhm... I got hepatitis, you know, 'cause this pimp spit in my mouth and... but I... I got over it and uhm... anyway, now I'm uhm... a freelance massage therapist, uhm... which, you know, isn't always steady money but at least I don't pay taxes, huh... (everyone in the room finds it a bit surreal, which Phoebe realises and starts to talk in the accent again) So... where does everyone summer?
Ross: Oh-oh, okay, okay! (He quickly takes off his sweater in order to put on the T-shirt. Its an old Frankie says relax T-shirt, that barely fits him. Rachel nods her head in approval of the new look.) If you dont mind Im gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. (Starts to leave) You have a pleasant evening. (He exits and leaves the door open.)
Rachel: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally(opens envelope)not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that.
Chandler and Joey: What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?
Chandler: Y'know what, it doesnt matter, cause she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!
Chandler: Ah, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and ah, Jessica Rabbit.
Monica: The second that Ross walks in that door, I want you take him back to your bedroom and do whatever it is that you do that makes him go, (high pitched) rweee!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone exept Monica is there.]
Rachel: And heels.
Rachel: Im sorry, they were just all coming at me, and I didnt know what to do.
Chandler: I Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are watching one of those Kung Fu movies and imitating the moves.]
JOEY: Olive loaf and ham spread, no mayo.
[Scene: The park, its dark outside and Monica and Ross are still fighting over the ball.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are eating Thanksgiving dinner.]
(they all start to dive for the ball and Monica and Ross grab it at the same time.)
Frank: Yeah, I was thinking that maybe we could go down to Time Square and pick up some ninja stars. And, oh, um, my friend Larry, he wants me to take a picture of a hooker.
[Scene: The street, Chandler and Joey are walking past a jewelery store.]
Written by: Michael Curtis and Gregory S. Malins Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
(They both look up, and watch it start to snow. Then they both start fighting for the ball again.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: The hallway of Rosss building, there is a Brown Bird girl selling cookies, as Ross and Chandler come up the stairs.]
Joey: (He turns around to Chandler looking for approval to go with Rachel, Chandler mouths Come on!) (turning back to Rachel) Ross, did ask us first, and we set that night aside.
(Rachel starts to laugh, and Ross notices her.)
RACHEL: Yes, but I, I think about who's apartment we're gonna sleep at tomorrow night and, and where we're gonna have dinner next Saturday night. I do not think about what our childrens' names are gonna be. You know what our childrens names are gonna be.