words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey and Chandler are there eating breakfast.]
Chandler: (entering in a bathrobe) I just walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked! It was like torture!
Ross: Y'know if we ever go to war and youre captured, youre in for a big surprise.
Chandler: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean its bad enough that Im in love with my roommates girlfriendwhich by the way, I think she knows. Because every time were in the room together theres this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when Ive seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, shes smooth! Smooth! (leaves)
Joey: Yeah-yeah. And the craziest thing is that I just ate a whole pizza by myself! (Laughs)
Chandler: Look, Joey, Kathy is clearly not fulfilling your emotional needs. But Casey, I mean granted I only saw the back of her head, but I got this sense that shes-shes smart, and funny, and gets you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch playing cards, and Phoebe is working on a new song.]
(Monica is taking a drink as Ross says that, laughs, and snorts her drink.)
[Cut to later that same day, Ross has retrieved his keyboard and is about to debut, "The Sound."]
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash. Basically, the music sucks.)
Ross: Wow! Thanks, you guys. Thats uhohhh, I wanna, I wanna play you another piece! Umm! Uh-oh! I left my uh, helicopter sounds on another disk. Ill be right back! Okay? (Runs to fetch them) This is so nice, ImI am so (starts to break up and leaves)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
Chandler: Yeah, I know what youre thinkin! Yes, yes, your breasts are just as firm and juicy.
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.
Joey: (on the other end at a pay phone) Hey, its me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble.
Joey: We broke down on the Parkway, so I have to walk back and get some transmission fluid. And hey, listen could you please tell Kathy that Ill be there as soon as I can.
Joey: Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to(he stops talking suddenly)
Chandler: So I guess its just uh, you and me then.
Chandler: and then it got canceled.
Chandler: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. (Kathy is running her fingers through his hair, and Chandler catches himself enjoying it too much.) Yknow who also has great hair is Joey!
(Kathy leans in really close and Chandler mouths "Oh my God." She moves around in front of him and kneels at his feet.)
(They lean in to kiss and are interrupted by the phone.)
(Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, continued from earlier. Chandler and Kathy are still kissing, then they stop suddenly.]
Chandler: I have to; hes my best friend, and youre seeing him.
Chandler: Bye. (Kathy leaves and Chandler wonders over to and leans up against the door.) Are you still out there?
Kathy: (outside the door) No. (Chandler opens the door and they kiss again.)
Monica: (to Rachel and Phoebe) Y'know, theres a Starbucks about three blocks down.
(Rachel and Monica look at each other, and agree on something without saying anything.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is opening the door, but Chandler has the chain on it.]
Chandler: Hang on buddy! (He goes over and unlocks the door and opens it to reveal a fully furnished apartment.)
Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.)
Joey: Oh-no-no-no, you are! You do this, you give me the great advice, and hey listen, I was thinking about what you said yesterday about focusing on one woman, Im gonna do that.
Ross: Oh, thanks, thanks. So Monica tells me that uh, you dont want to play anymore because me and y'know my talent. Is that true?
Phoebe: Yeah, I-I cantI mean yknow I was trying to be really y'know okay and upbeat about it, I justI feel so dwarfed by your musical gift. I
Ross: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact opposite intent of my music. Yknow my music is-is meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, then I I wont play anymore.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch and Phoebe is getting coffee as Chandler enters. Ross is also there.]
Phoebe: Yeah! No, thats right. And I thought it was a really good idea.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and
Joey: And what?! Did you sleep with her?!
Chandler: Yes. Yes! Right! And I feel horrible. You have to believe me!
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!
Joey: Because its all tainted with your betrayal. From now on this apartment is empty for me! And Im not happy about you either. (The bread maker dings) Oh, and just so you know, I made that bread for you. (Joey walks into his bedroom and slams the door.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is playing his music. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
(Ross finally finishes with the same crash, and gets some applause.)
(Phoebe gets up and goes to play, Ross goes over and sits down next to Monica and Rachel.)
(Both Monica and Rachel laugh.)
Rachel: Oh no, I think Im gonna go home and eat ten candy bars.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is entering and Mona from the wedding recognizes him.]
(He kisses her on the cheek and heads to Central Perk.)
Phoebe: Oh good! (And theres general excitement.)
Ross: Thats right! He was hitting on her, and I got her. I guess the better man won. (To Joey) Please dont take her from me.
Phoebe: Ursula! (Ursula turns, smiles, and continues walking.) Wait! Err-err, its me! Phoebe!
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking down it and passes Ursula.]
Phoebe: And then for forgetting to invite you to it.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her date and Joey is reading a magazine.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are about to read another one of Joey's efforts.]
Rachel: And you are a very funny clown. (Gives him candy.)
Rachel: (to them) Just a minute!!! (She takes the candy and opens the door to two parents, a witch, a clown, and a cowgirl.) Look at you guys! Wow! You are a very scary witch. (Gives her candy.)
Rachel: Yeah. Sure. (Throws some in her bag and she walks away as Phoebe, dressed as Supergirl walks up and eyes Monica who eyes her back.)
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank and her, are sitting on the counh, watching TV]
Joey: When have I ever done that?! (And does the sound again.)
Rachel: Ohh Oh, honey here. Take it all. (Pours the entire large bowl into her bag and closes the door.) Monica! We need more candy?
Eric: Cause the sweats getting in my eyes and its burning.
Eric: Eric. (They shake hands and hes squinting. And, no, its not me.)
Phoebe: No Im having fun. Im reallyAnd Im really-really excited for you and Ursula.
Phoebe: Yeah! Its so much better than first grade when you dont know whats going on and definitely better than third grade. Yknow with all the politics and mind games.
(Theres applause as Helena turns around and its Kathleen Turner.)
Joey: But between you and Phoebe, Id have to give the edge to Phoebe.
Rachel: Hi! Yknow what honey, were actually out of candy right now. But someone just went out to get some and I have been giving out money but Im out of that too. Hey, can I write you a check?
Mona: And the antennae Oh my God youre Spudnik!
[Cut to Joey and Monica.]
[Cut to Phoebe and Eric.]
Joey: Okay, heres a good one for ya. Who do think would win in a fight between Ross and Chandler.
Eric: Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, and its not like me to do something so impulsive, but shes just so perfect, and we have so much in common.
[Cut to Mona and Ross walking past Chandler.]
Phoebe: Regina Philange. (Ken and Regina shake hands.)
Joey: Monica and I were talking about who could kick whose ass in a fight, you or Ross?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the party continues with Rachel leaning on the counter as Gunther walks in carrying candy.]
(They start to fight with Ross pulling on Chandlers ears and Chandler hitting Ross over the head with his carrot.)
Joey: Hey Monica! (Grabs her and pulls her into the living room.) People came to see a fight, lets give em what they came for!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
Rachel: Well is it fair that all you did was put on a cape and I gotta give you free stuff?
Rachel: Uh, I think I just did. And uh-oh, here it comes again. Shut up!
[Cut to Mona and Joey clearing the dining room table for the grudge match between Chandler and Ross.]
Rachel: No! Wait no! Shut upI mean dont cry! Let me get my checkbook! (Grabs her checkbook and runs after him.)
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe is exiting Monica and Chandlers, and finds Ursula standing in the hallway smoking.]
Ursula: I dont know. He said he did all this stuff and then I said I did it too and he got so excited, it was really fun.
Phoebe: You too. And Ursula?! It was really nice meeting you tonight!!
Chandler: And dignity.
(They start wrestling, only they are unable to move either ones arm despite a huge strain on their faces and a cheering crowd.)
Rachel: Its a trifle. Its got all of these layers. First theres a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch. [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] Then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef saut�ed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like somethings wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!
(Basically Chandlers face looks like hes not all there and is staring off into the distance )
[Time Lapse: the crowd has left and only Mona, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe are still watching to see who will be able to move the others arm first. An event that has yet to happen.]
Man: Well I actually, I-I really, I haven't seen her for years. But umm, well I-I was pretty tight with-with her and her daughter.
Eric: Well, I guess Ill see you at the wedding. (Exits and Phoebe follows him into the hall.)
Phoebe: Yeah. Youre just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever. Youre like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual magnetism.
Eric: I think well be okay. Besides its so perfect and (whispering) shes been saving herself for me.
(Phoebe hands Eric Ursulas purse and he walks away.)
Phoebe: Thats good, you should be impulsive and you should be romantic. Just you did it with the wrong person. (He looks at her.) What?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Monica are standing in the kitchen.]
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is sitting in the living room as Monica enters.]
Monica: Oh my God! You cleaned! (Gasps) Look at these floors! You did the windows! Oh, I have been begging you for months and you did! You cleaned! And nagging works!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there as someones cell phone starts to ring with one of those fancy ring tones.]
(Theres a knock on the door and Rachel opens it to a little girl.)
Eric: Oh, I have a friend whos a cop and he got it for me.
Joey: Hey, Im not interested in her sweater! Its whats underneath her sweater that counts. And besides, since ah, since when do you care who Im going out with?
Chandler: Look, shes really nice. Okay? And she mentioned that she adored the way that you arranged the sponges.
Ross: Hey, yknow what and if youre looking for a place? I just heard in the elevator this morning that a woman in my building died.
Rachel: Well, I havent discussed it with him yet, but I know hes gonna be relieved. Last week, he brought this girl over and I started talking to her about morning sickness and then I showed her pictures from my pregnancy book.
[Scene: Rosss Building, they are approaching the apartment of the woman who died. Ross knocks on the door and a woman answers it.]
Rachel: And Im Rachel, an admirer of the building.
Phoebe: Speaking of Christmas, umm since Monica and I are starting a new business and have like no money, umm, this year maybe we could do secret Santa, and then we each only buy one gift. And-and theres the added mystery of who gets who.
Brenda: Okay. Uhh, Im gonna go get the clothes from the laundry room now. And, when I come back Ill clean behind the refrigerator.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is observing the new maid, Brenda, clean.]
Chandler: So she stole your pants and then she came back and wore them in front of you?
Joey: (laughs) Monica, look... I don't think you and I have any secrets anymore... (Monica keeps looking at Joey) Not ready to joke about it yet, okay, I see you later. (Joey walks out)
Monica: I have been looking for them all week and she is wearing them!
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
Phoebe: Oh, yeah try that. (He finishes and looks at her.) So, is that better?
PHOEBE: No. No, he is my submaring guy. He resurfaces like every couple years and we have the most amazing three days together. Only this time he's coming for two weeks. Two whole weeks, which means yay.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is reading some book and Gunther serves him a cup of coffee.]
Joey: (laughs) No. But I got Knicks tickets for you, me, and Chandler.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Brenda is sweeping and Monica is sitting at the kitchen table.]
(Brenda bends down to use the dustpan and Monica leans over to look for the stain, but leans so far over she falls out of the chair.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating pizza as Joey returns from the Knicks game.]
[Scene: Erics Apartment, he and Phoebe are still making out.]
Joey: Yeah! Yeah, Ive been trying to find ya to tell to stop messing with her and maybe I would have if these (lifts a leg) damn boat shoes wouldnt keep flying off!
Rachel: Honey, its not just a matter of where you put it. I mean a baby changes everything. They cry all the time. I mean imagine bringing home some girl and trying to score when theres a screaming baby around.
Eric: Absolutely. (They kiss and Phoebe heads for the door.) I love the way you kiss.
Monica: No! I was just getting into position and then everything went dark.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Emma is sitting in her chair on the apothecary table and Rachel is trying to make her laugh.]
Rachel: I am! I am a woman who spent a lot of money on a dress and she wants to wear it, because soon she wont be able to fit into it.
Chandler: And yet you dont recognize that youre crazy.
Monica: Fine. (Brenda comes in to use the bathroom and adjusts her pink bra strap on the way.) Shes wearing my bra!
Ross: All right then. (Follows her in and checks the place out.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Brenda is wiping the coffee table and Chandler is trying to look at her bra and leans over on the coffee table to get a good look.]
Eric: Uh, a little bit. She-she-she walked in and I thought she was you and I kissed her and
Eric: No-no its not! I dont want to lose you! Its-its like I was saying to Ursula when I was making love to her and I thought she was youYeah it is too weird.
Chandler: Yes! Its flown into your blouse and youd better undo your buttons lest it sting you!
Brenda: Okay. (Goes over and fluffs up the pillows on the couch.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel enters and notices that Joey has set up a space for the baby where the couch was, complete with a crib.]
Rachel: Thank you. (They hug.) Oh Joey and look at this crib! Its so cute!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Rachel are toasting her staying put.]
Ross: Well, the old lady died. And how do I know? Her dying wish was for one last kiss. But I dont care, (To Rachel) because you got the apartment. Yes!
Joey: Hey! Uh, this is just to give you an idea. Okay well, we can put screens here, (In front of the crib.) so that the baby has privacy, and-and-and maybe a mobile over the crib. And uhOh look! Heres a baby monitor (Holds it up), which until the baby comes we can use as walkie-talkies. Huh?