words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the entire gang is there, eating breakfast. Phoebe is on the couch, fidgeting.]
(She throws them into the kitchen and Rachel picks them up with the handle of a large spoon. Chandler and Monica have horrified looks on their faces.)
(Rachel turns and stares at him.)
Rachel: (waving them in his face) Take 'em! (Joey makes a noise and jumps out of the way.) Joey, you can touch them! They're your underwear.
(Follows Joey into their apartment and shrugs on his way out.)
Joey: That's it! I'm tired of covering for you two! This has got to stop! (Realizes he still has the underwear in his hand.) Ahh! (Throws them towards Chandler's room.) And tighty-whiteys! What are you, 8?
Joey: Oh hey, no, you're not welcome. Okay, look, I hate this! You guys keep embarrassing me! (To Monica) Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom and I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine and-and that I was playing a woman in a play. And one thing led to another and (He puts his leg on the chair and pulls up his pants leg to reveal that he now has shaved legs.)
Monica: (inspecting his leg) Wow! And around the ankles, y'know that is a tough spot.
Monica: We'll try to be more careful okay? It's just that, we don't want everyone to know because this is going really well, and maybe the reason it's going really well is because it's a secret.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters with her nose stuck in a book.]
Phoebe: Umm, Wethering Heights. I'm taking a literature class at the New School and I have to finish it for the first session tomorrow.
Phoebe: Yeah! Well, I really liked that Lamaze class I took! Y'know and this time I thought I'd go for something, y'know a little more intellectual, with a less painful final exam.
Ross: Just a sandwich? Look, I am 30 years old, I'm about to be divorced twice and I just got evicted! That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life! Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!
Ross: (quietly) That-that would be incredible. Thank you so much. I-I still can't believe someone ate it!! I mean, look, I left a note and everything.
Phoebe: Okay, this will keep them away from your stuff. (Writes him a note and the gang reads it.)
[Scene: Phoebe's class, the class has already started and Rachel walks in late.]
Rachel: Well yeah, but then I remembered I started it and there was this pep rally and I was, I was on top of the pyramid but anywayumm, what is this book about?
Phoebe: Okay, umm, it's this tragic love story between Cathy and Heathcliff and umm, it takes place on like these really creepy mores in England. Which I think represents the wildness of Heathcliff's character. I totally get symbolism.
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, symbolism! And uh, the-the uh, wildness of the mores, which I think is-is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel return from the class.]
(Joey casually pushes Ross over the back of the couch and sits down proud of himself.)
(He goes to open the door to his apartment, but finds it locked. As he's getting out his keys, Chandler and Monica quickly jump up from making out in the living room and run to Chandler's bedroom. The apartment has about 20 candles burning all over the place. Joey opens the door and ushers Cynthia in.)
Cynthia: Oh, candles! (Notices something.) What is that? A blanket? A video camera? Oh my God! (As she storms out, Rachel returns and overhears the conversation.)
Cynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date! (She storms away and Rachel enters to confront Joey.)
Rachel: And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, what are you sick?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; continued from earlier. Joey is closing the door after Rachel leaves and is about to confront Chandler and Monica.]
Joey: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!
Joey: All right. Hey, but it better make me look really, really good. (Starts for his room.) Oh, and another thing, the video camera? Nice!!
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's class; Rachel walks in, on time this time.]
Phoebe: Umm, Rachel and I were just discussing it and she had some very interesting insights.
Ross: Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss I started to get worked up again, so he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought was a good idea so, I took it.
Chandler: And you're okay with that?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are returning from class.]
Rachel: (entering, angrily) Ugh, that was so embarrassing! I can't believe you let me go on and on like that!
Phoebe: Well, yeah! Fun is good, but y'know I also wanted to learn. Y'know, people are always talking about what they learned in high school and I never went to high school.
Monica: (yelling and waving her hand in the air) I know! I know! I know!
(She sits back defeated, and Phoebe groans with disgust.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; Joey returns carrying a bucket of chicken, and starts going through the mail. While doing this, Monica's picture falls out. He bends over to pick it up and gasps. While he's staring at the picture, Rachel decides to come over and sees him looking at the picture.]
Rachel: Yes! He has a naked picture of Monica! He takes naked pictures of us! And then he eats chicken and looks at them!
(Ross stares in shock at him as he angrily puts down the chicken and takes off his coat.)
(He walks over and stands behind Joey.)
Joey: What?!! (He turns around and stares at Chandler who's silently pleading with Joey to go along with it.) No I'm not!!
Rachel: And the video camera?
Monica: I guess I set up the video camera to try and entice Joey.
Monica: I'm Monica. I'm disgusting. I stalk guys and keep their underpants.
Joey: Well, I think we've all learned something about who's disgusting and who's not. Eh? All right, now, I'm going to get back to my bucket. I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs. (Offers it to everyone.)
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's class; the class has ended and Phoebe is talking to one of her classmates.]
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Joey is pacing around as Chandler and Monica enter.]
Rachel: Ooh, Phoebes here! Okay, lets turn out all the lights and well just watch the movie!
[Scene: Joey and Janines, continued from earlier.]
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, Mr. Geller and Ross are finishing up recreating Monicas memories as Monica enters.]
Joey: Because she uh, she-she thinks that you are blah and that you, Monica, are too loud.
Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv(Shuts up on Monicas glare.)
Joey: I know! I know! Come on, please-please you guys, dont-dont be mad. Im sure she just, she just said that stuff because she was nervous and you guys are like my best friends! Yknow? And it was our first date! Plus, shes really sick!
Rachel: Come on! They rushed into this thing so fast its ridiculous! I mean, theyre gonna be engaged for like what? A year? And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realise what theyve done and theyre call the whole thing off. Im telling ya, youre gonna be dancing at my wedding before youre dancing at theres.
(They exit and close the door.)
Chandler: And I am not blah, I am a hoot!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are watching a movie.]
Phoebe: Wow! Oh my God, well if theyve ripped off our table ours must be much more than one and fifty dollars!
Ross: Of course not, it smells like wine, which you spilled! And thanks for wrecking my sheet by the way.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are sitting at the kitchen table.]
Chandler: I dont believe it. The most romantic night of my life and Im runner up.
Rachel: Look he doesnt have any brothers or sisters, somebodys gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I havent taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesnt know anyway!
Joey: Look, come on you guys, you said you were gonna try! All right look, I came over here to invite you guys to a movie with me and Janine.
[Scene: The Street, Phoebe and Rachel are heading back from that Colonial flea market.]
Phoebe: Oh, come on! I think hes ready to get rid of, what did you call it? The cheap knock-offs and dinosaur junk.
Rachel: Okay! Okay-okay lookno I did, I just wanted this stuff and I know how you feel about Pottery Barn. Just Come on dont be mad.
[Scene: The hallway, Joey, Janine, Monica, and Chandler are returning from their second date.]
Chandler: And Im blah? Listen, the only thing more boring than watching modern dance is having to listen to you talk about it, (Imitating her) "Oh Chandler, I just lost myself in the moment."
[Cut to Joey and Janines, theyre entering.]
Monica: (steps up and points at her) All right! You and me! Lets go! Right now!
Joey: All right! All right! Enough! Enough! Enough!! Enough! (To Chandler and Monica) You two go home! I-I-I gotta talk to Janine! (They start to leave.)
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! That would be very helpful! Yeah. (He opens the door for her and she exits into the hallway.)
Joey: (entering) Look, what am I gonna do? I'm not flirting but still, I'm drawing her to me like - like a moth to a flame! (Tries to put his feet on the coffee table...they won't reach and looks around.) What the hell's going on over here?!?!? (Points to Chandler) Monica's gonna kill you! Look I need your help, I have to do something to-to repel this woman! Wait a minute, wait a minute, you guys repel women all the time.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]
(Rachel is looking at the magazine and laughing.)
(He now turns to the other side, which also starts spraying his face and front.)
Joey: Chandler, Chandler, yknow what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.
Chandler: Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up.
Rachel: What? Uhh, Phoebe, honey, honey, I know you're quirky and I get a big kick out of it, we all do actually, but if you destroy a coat like this that is like a crime against nature! Not nature, fashion!
Joey: I know! Yeah, but, look I can handle it. All right? Look, I can listen to the radio, huh? And Ross gave me this great book (holds up the Playboy magazine).
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is balancing a mini hockey stick on his hand as Chandler enters from his room carrying a bunch of bills.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Rachel are on the couch looking at the Playboy magazine. When they hear someone coming, Monica goes to hide it under the sofa cushions.]
Phoebe: (following him) And did you notice the ice? (Gestures to 3 huge buckets of ice on the table.) Look! We have it all! We have crushed! Cubed! And dry! Watch! (Pours some water onto the dry ice, causing it to evaporate/smoke.) Ahhh! Mystical!
Ross: Oh yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking about maybe writing a letter.
Rachel and Monica: Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Aw, remember the days when you used to go out to the barn, lift up your shirt, and bend over?
(He and Chandler crack up.)
Chandler: So, you stole my joke, and you stole my money.
Phoebe: No-no-no, but I am mad! I am mad! Because this stuff is everything that is wrong with the world! And its all sitting up in my living room and all I can think about is how I dont have that lamp!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
(He and Ross crack up again. Joey just sits there)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, they are in bed together.]
Rachel: Um, ok, uh, oh god, um, when you and uh Ross first started going out, it was really hard for me, um, for many reasons, which I'm not gonna bore you with now, but um, I just, I see how happy he is, you know, and how good you guys are together, and um, Monica's always saying how nice you are, and god I hate it when she's right.
Joey: Uh, I dont know. Ya see, its just, see I was a regular on a soap opera yknow? And to go from that to this, I just Plus, Id have to wait on all my friends.
[Scene, Phoebe and Rachels, theyre sitting together on the couch.]
Phoebe and Rachel: Hey.
Chandler: Maybe its the sound of Ross climbing into my brain and stealing my thoughts.
(They go out to investigate, and find Joey wrapped in a blanket watching their television.)
Chandler: And here is the bottle of wine for you to bring over tonight. (Hands it to him.) You were also going to buy Monica flowers but you couldnt afford it, because you paid dinner last night.
Joey: (sheepishly) I finished my book. (Chandler and Monica slowly retreat back to bed.)
Phoebe: Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he like y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal thats hes going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff.
(Ross leaps out of his chair and runs out the door, with Chandler in hot pursuit.)
Monica: (into phone) Pants and a sweater? Why, mom? Who am I gonna meet in a blackout? Power company guys? Eligible looters? Could we talk about this later? OK. (hangs up)
Monica: That is completely untrue. You think Im high maintenance? Okay, prove it. I want you to make a list and were going to go through it point by point!
Monica: (to Phoebe) You start working on that list. (She grabs her coat and leaves, too.)
(Ross begins to say something, realizes what Gunther just said, turns, and glares at Chandler. Chandler just shrugs it off.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are there as Ross enters and sees Gunther.]
(Gunther looks at the joke and laughs.)
Joey: Sure. (To Monica and Rachel) Coffee? Cause Im going up there.
Ross: Seriously, I-I asked you before and you still havent gotten it.
Rachel: Come on, Joey, I did it and it was fine.
Joey: I mean, the jobs easy and the moneys good, you know? I guess Im going to be hanging out here anyway. I might as well get paid for it, right? I just feel kind of weird serving you guys.
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
(He looks at Rachel and winks, she gives him the thumbs-up sign.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Rachel and Monica enter.]
Joey: Oh, Im sorry, Ross. Ill get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, Ill toss in a free muffin.
Monica: So, maybe I am a little high maintenance. And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. But you know what we decided you are?
Rachel: Yeah, and I am okay with being a pushover.
Monica and Rachel: You did!
Ross and Chandler: Its my joke.
Rachel: Alright thanks, oh Ross could you stop by the coffee house and get me a muffin?
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
Ross: No. I... I wanted to be with you. I dont know, I feel like lately, I feel like youre slipping away from me, y'know. With this new job, and all these new people, and youve got this whole other life going on. I-I-I know its dumb, but I hate that Im not a part of it.
Charlie: Please, I've been crazed all day! I had a meeting with the Dean, and my syllabus for summer school is due and I'm writing the Foreword for a friend's book...
Phoebe: No, I made myself take an oath. Yeah, no fooling around with clients and umm, always be prepared. Yeah, that ones actually from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.
RACHEL: Yes you do. You think of it as your apartment, and I'm just somebody who rents a room.
(Both Chandler and Ross are eager to hear her decision.)
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, its the middle of the night, hes waking up and discovers hes alone in bed.]
Mike: (puts on a fake smile) Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it? (he takes the ring from the cake, and cleans it with a napkin)
Chandler: Well, I thought if I littered, that crying Indian might come by and save us.
(Rachel and Phoebe exchange looks.)
Monica: Hey, its Phoebe and Rachel. Um, why dont you tell them what you were telling me earlier about me not being high maintenance?
Monica: (embarrassed) (To Phoebe and Rachel) I didnt even tell him to say that. (They hug). All right youre off my list.
Joey: Well, I had the audition but Gunther said I had to stay here and be in charge so he could go get his hair dyed. So, I went anyway, and then he fired me.
Joey: Not good, no. I didnt get the part, and I lost my job here, so
Rachel: Oh, Im sorry. (Gets up and moves.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the kitchen table, talking.]
Chandler: Im sorry. Youre not easy-going, but youre passionate, and thats good. And when you get upset about the little things, I think that Im pretty good about making you feel better about that. And thats good too. So, they can say that youre high maintenance, but its okay, because I like maintaining you.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
Russell: And well need to have witnesses who can testify that you were not of uh, sound mind.
(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)
Woman: How much do I owe you for the muffin and the latte?
Woman: Oh great! Well, tell him thanks. And since uh, Joey seems like such a nice guy, maybe we could go on a date sometime?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone but Monica is there playing Monopoly.]