words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When Youre Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Joey: Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back.
Phoebe: Yeah! And look, (Grabs the pants) see how they expand as the baby grows? (Theres a stretchy part in front.) And then after the babys born, theyre great for shoplifting melons.
Monica: No that was Jarred! Wow! I havent thought about him in a long time (Stares off into the distance lost in thought.) (Pause) Anyway, umm Wills, Wills here on business and he didnt have a place to go so I invited him here.
Monica: Oh, and by the way, hes lost a bunch of weight. I mean he looks goo-ood! Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous! (Joey clears his throat.) I still love Chandler.
Joey: No theyre not! Theyre ugly and stupid and delicious!
Monica: All right! Okay, its just Phoebe. Wills still on a diet, Chandler doesnt eat Thanksgiving food, and Rachels having her aversion to poultry.
Joey: Yeah. But I thought that was because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table.
Joey: Thats right! Cause Im a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we dont read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching football, and its actually the right game Green Bay at Detroit (although not this years), as Monica is getting everything ready.]
Phoebe: I dont believe you! That is brilliant! And Monica has no idea?
Chandler: Nope! Every once and a while I just scream stuff at the TV.
(Monica enters and Chandler screams stuff at the TV.)
(Oh, I should point out that the live studio audience at this point goes absolutely wild. And I had absolutely no idea that this Will character was that popular! Maybe they should make him the seventh friend. Which would work out just fine since hes already married to one of them. Will is played by some guy named Brad Pitt, I guess hes some sort of actor.)
Monica: Good. And Rachel Green too. (Will stops suddenly.)
Will: I actually know what youre talking about. Im here to tell you something my friend, you can eat and eat and eat but nothing will ever fill that void.
Ross: Hey-hey you came! Man you look incredible! Hot stuff! (They hug and Ross realizes what he said.) Hot stuff?
Will: Yeah, its not. But Im rich and thin.
Will: Look at her standing there with those yams! My two greatest enemies Ross: Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates.
(They sit down at the table and Will goes to talk to Rachel.)
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
(Monica sets something on the table and removes the cover. It kinda looks like turkey.)
Rachel: What? (Joey starts offering Ross some turkey.) Oh yknow what? Can we please keep the chicken and the turkey and everything on the other side of the table? The smell is just yuck!
Monica: Okay. (Chandler grabs the dish from Monica and hands it to Will who starts dishing out a large helping.)
Will: Me and Ross. (Points at Ross.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier.]
Rachel: So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club.
Monica: I swear I didnt. (To Ross and Will) Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door?
Ross and Will: Yeah.
Rachel: Okay. So what? You guys would just like get together and like just say mean things about me?
Phoebe: Oh, come on Will! Just take off your shirt and tell us!
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we said that the rumor was that umm you had both male and female reproductive parts.
Rachel: What?! You heard that?! (Goes and stands behind Joey.)
Monica: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.
(Joey is now looking at Rachel, and since Rachels standing and hes sitting down and hes not looking at her face You get the picture.)
Rachel: Oh! (Hits him and storms out.)
[Time Lapse, dinner has ended for everyone except Joey who looks like to have finished the turkey, until he turns the plate around and reveals he only ate one side.]
Joey: Oh yes I do. Otherwise whats next? Today Im just a guy who cant finish a turkey, but tomorrow Im the guy who eats half a Powerbar, wraps up the rest, and puts in the fridge? No! No, I just I justI gotta change my pants. (Gets up and heads for the door.) Jeans have no give. (Exits.)
Ross: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasnt true?!
Rachel: I dont care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Yknow what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
Ross: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace
Monica: All right, listen youre just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll!
Monica: And Ross, if it werent for Rachels rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!
Monica: Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past. You-youve been through so much since then. And right now youve got so much more important stuff going on in your life. Cant you just let this go?
Will: So you knocked her up but youre not gonna marry her. Dude! (Wants another high-five and Ross ignores him.) Anybody?
Phoebe: Okay. (Goes over and hugs him.) Its exactly how Id imagined it would be.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Will has left and the rest of the gang is watching Joey finish the turkey.]
Joey: Well thats it. Im done. Whew! (Wipes his forehead.) There come the meat sweats. (Chandler hands him a towel and he wipes his face.)
PHOEBE: And he's going to be paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball on top.
Rachel: And that crazy party animal will be your brother-in-law.
Joey: Hey, yeah! Then we could do that telephone thing! Y'know, you have a can, we have a can and it's connected by a string!
Rachel: Hey, Chandler, don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already know! Come on, she broke up with Richard because he didn't want to have babies. And she's a woman, and she's almost 30, and y'know it's Monica.
Katie: You were so funny with that waiter! You're such a nut! (She slaps her thighs, Joey jerks, and spills some of his coffee.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Monica are curled up on one of the chairs.]
Katie: Aww, like I could hurt you. Are you making fun of my size? Don't make fun of me because of my size! (She punches him again and almost knocks him off the arm of the couch.)
Monica: Oh and you know what I want!
Monica: Get all freaked out because everybody was talking and just joking around about marriage and stuff.
Monica: You don't know everything. Did you know that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you? Hmm? And did you know that the only baby around here is you?! And did you know that I can't even look at you right now?! (She storms out.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting advice from Ross and Joey.]
Monica: Because you're on my team! And my team always wins!
Monica: And its a magnet!
Rachel: And?
(Chandler turns to watch her go and then sees Ross and Joey both with huge grimaces on their faces.)
Joey: All right, and over there is Bradys Pub where I like to unwind after a long day of surgeoning.
Guest #1: See ya Phoebe! Oh and hey, thanks for chipping in!
(Ross turns and glares at Phoebe.)
Rachel: Ohh, and the nicest girlfriend! (She retaliates.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is lamenting to Chandler and Rachel about his troubles in his new building.]
Phoebe: Oh, I was telling them about you and Emily. Y'know, try to get some sympathy.
Ross: How weird is that? Yknow? Youre moving in with me and have the one thing I dont have. Its like uh, in a way you-you complete me (Phoebe glares at him) kitchen.
Phoebe: Obviously I didn't think they were gonna start throwing things. I just thought if I kept insulting everyone, you would jump in and defend everyone and then you could look like the hero.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross and Phoebe have been banished to Ross's place.]
PHOEBE: Oh yes. Oh and, the part about how they're always like drinking from out pool of inner power, but God forbid we should take a sip.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler comes running in. Everyone else is already there.]
(She looks at Rachel and storms out. After she's left Joey hugs Rachel in thanks.)
Chandler: Okay, I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, y'know a lot of uhh, us thinking. And uh, well I guess there's only one-one way to do this. (He slowly and awkwardly gets down on one knee.)
Monica: Honey! Do you know that none of that stuff came from me?! I mean I never said I wanted to have babies and get married right now!
Chandler: No, the best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry is pretty much fourth y'know, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married. (Laughs.) Will you be my wife?
Chandler: Yeah I know, but I was really confused and then I talked to these guys. (Turns to look at Ross and Joey.)
Monica: Who? Two divorces and Joey?!
Phoebe: Aw, and I was gonna ask you to marry me because I forgot to say hello to you last week.
(They all get up and leave.)
[Scene: Joey's bedroom, time lapse. He's asleep and dreaming. In his dream he's doing the crossword puzzle with wait for it Monica!]
Joey: (entering, limping, and holding his arm) I dont like this anymore. (He sits down with them in pain.)
Chandler and Monica: Okay.
Dream Joey: Aww, me too. Now let's finish this and go to bed.
[Cut back to Joey in bed, he's smiling, enjoying the dream as he wakes up. Suddenly, he realized what he was dreaming about and bolts upright in bed.]
Rachel: Yes-yes, just a few seconds and shed still be with usnothing about an assistant buyer?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but Ross and Joey. Gunther hands them the bill, and Chandler gives some money to pay it.]
[Camera pans to the Geller family table. Ross, Rachel, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there.]
Rachel: Yeah! (She puts on her coat and turns around and sees Ross is expecting her to help.) (Laughing.) Are you kiddin'?
Rachel: (Disgustedly she goes and tries to pick up the couch. Much to her amazement, she is successful.) Oh. Oh! I can do it!
The Salesman: Well you, her, I mean, she's very y'know. And you're like y'know.
Ross: Yeah, y'know what? I'll take it myself, thank you! (He signs the form and hands it back to the salesman.) All right Rach, let's go! (He picks up one end of the couch.)
(Rachel pushes on the couch and pushes Ross out the door.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling Chandler and Monica how she fought crime in her own way with the badge she found.]
Ross: Oh okay, lift it straight up over your head! Straight up over your head! You can do it! You can do it! (She gets it lifted up and they make the first turn.) Okay. You got it?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica and Chandler are sitting on one of the chairs doing a crossword puzzle.]
(She can't stay at the end as the couch rounds the turn so she shifts to the back corner of the couch and is at a 90-degree angle to it.)
Phoebe: I couldn't tell him no. He got so sad. Maybe it'll be all right. I do really like him a lot and probably do it eventually anyway and plus, think of all the money I'll save on stamps.
Phoebe: That shes gonna move in with you and maybe then shell fall in love with you and then when she finds out youre already married, shell just be happy. Yknow? Youre just, youre very sad.
Joey: Well, okay. You were my girlfriend and we were doing the crossword puzzle. Y'know like you guys were doing last night. So, that's it. I'm in love with Monica and I'll be moving out.
Monica: Or, it could mean that-that you saw Chandler and me together and we y'know were being close and stuff and then you just want to have that with someone too.
Chandler: Well y'know, Monica and I were friends before we started dating. So maybe-maybe that's it?
Joey: And then, then he could use his teeth, his teeth to undo her dress, and, and, and bite her!
Monica: Well sure! I'm just wearing sweats! (Looking at Chandler and slowly realizing what his point is.) But that's good that you're not in love with me, because you just want a girlfriend!
(Monica and Chandler both remember a special moment between them.)
Ross: What? What? What?! You guys knew? (Joey and Rachel backup against the door.) You all knew and you didn't tell me?!!
Guy: (he reaches into the car and slams his siren on the roof.) So am I!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering. Rachel is there getting some tools to help Ross out.]
Joey: Well, the reason I think Monica and Chandler are so great
Joey: Uh, hey, Rach let me ask you something. Uh, I was just over there talking to Monica and Chandler, boy they are really tight.
Joey: is because they were friends first. Y'know? So I asked myself, "Who are my friends?" You and Phoebe, and I saw you first. So
Rachel: Hey! Joey, would you mind giving me and Ross a hand moving his couch?
Phoebe: Oh. (She starts laughing. Then she throws the badge at him and runs away.)
Joey: I'm saying maybe you and I crank it up a notch.
(Chandler and Ross head for opposite ends of the couch.)
(Chandler has moved forward and is now underneath the couch as it heads up the first set of stairs.)
(They pick up the couch and after throwing off the last pillow; Rachel helps out on Chandler's end.)
Rachel: No, its all right. I got nice boobs. (Phoebe and Monica nod there heads in agreement.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is returning and finds Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler and Rachel: You think?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering with a pizza and finds everyone but Ross there.]
Phoebe and Joey: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Yep! As long as you understand that I'm going to call my lawyer and once he puts you on the stand he'll make you look like a fool. A fool!
Chandler and Joey: Nice!
Gary: Not as impressive as you. I gotta tell you, I looked at your record and you've done some pretty weird stuff.
(As they turn the couch, Chandler gets sandwiched between the railing and the couch.)
Gary: Okay. And don't worry, I'm not just gonna take you out for donuts.
Gary: Okay. (He starts to leave.) So I'll come by in a couple hours and pick you up?
Phoebe: Okay. (They shake hands and she pulls away suddenly) Oh my God! What did I ever do to you?! (Rubbing her hand.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the window waving at Ross.]
Joey: That's right Ross, I can see you in your new apartment! And you can see me! Same as yesterday, (To Monica) same as the day before.
[Scene: Ross's Building, Joey is trying to find the hot girl's apartment. So he's walking up the hallway counting doors. He comes to what he thinks is the right one and knocks on it. Ross opens the door, it's his apartment.]
Ross: Well, you know what? While we're waiting, you guys could tape your message to Emma for her 18th birthday, huh? (takes the camcorder and points it at Monica and Chandler) Ok!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering again.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day, Gary is kissing Phoebe good-bye.]
Phoebe: So-so how long did that last for you and Chandler?
Monica: You are so cute. (She goes over and kisses him passionately.)
Ross: (on phone) No-no-no, thats great! Ill be there Monday. And thank you again! (Listens) Okay. (Hangs up) (To All) Umm, that was the head of the Paleontology department at N uh, Y, uh U!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler and Joey are there as Rachel returns from her interview.]
Joey: Did you tell the guy you wanted to have sex with his wife and then fall right out of your chair?
(Joey is bent over at the waist and is looking for something under Monica's bed.)
[Rachel hits some tom-toms and ends up on the 'crash'-cymbal, which is in fact a ride-cymbal, but whatever...]
Rachel: Ugh, it was horrible! And-and the interview part went so well, y'know? I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets!" (She starts laughing; Chandler and Joey are not amused.) Trust me, it was actually, it was very funny. Anyway, so we were saying good-bye and ugh!
Chandler: I gotta check out this hot girl! (He heads to the window but realizes something, stops, turns and points at Monica.) There she is! (He dances over to her and kisses her.)
Phoebe: (to the squirrel) Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! (The squirrel stares at her.) All right, fine, now I get it. (To the clerk.) Here. (She hands him her coat.) You take it. (To the squirrel.) Are you happy now? I'm cold!
Sarah: Well, I kinda wanted to sell the cookies. The girl who sells the most wins a trip to Spacecamp, and gets to sit in a real space shuttle.