words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When Youre Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Joey: Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back.
Phoebe: Yeah! And look, (Grabs the pants) see how they expand as the baby grows? (Theres a stretchy part in front.) And then after the babys born, theyre great for shoplifting melons.
Monica: No that was Jarred! Wow! I havent thought about him in a long time (Stares off into the distance lost in thought.) (Pause) Anyway, umm Wills, Wills here on business and he didnt have a place to go so I invited him here.
Monica: Oh, and by the way, hes lost a bunch of weight. I mean he looks goo-ood! Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous! (Joey clears his throat.) I still love Chandler.
Joey: No theyre not! Theyre ugly and stupid and delicious!
Monica: All right! Okay, its just Phoebe. Wills still on a diet, Chandler doesnt eat Thanksgiving food, and Rachels having her aversion to poultry.
Joey: Yeah. But I thought that was because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table.
Joey: Thats right! Cause Im a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we dont read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching football, and its actually the right game Green Bay at Detroit (although not this years), as Monica is getting everything ready.]
Phoebe: I dont believe you! That is brilliant! And Monica has no idea?
Chandler: Nope! Every once and a while I just scream stuff at the TV.
(Monica enters and Chandler screams stuff at the TV.)
(Oh, I should point out that the live studio audience at this point goes absolutely wild. And I had absolutely no idea that this Will character was that popular! Maybe they should make him the seventh friend. Which would work out just fine since hes already married to one of them. Will is played by some guy named Brad Pitt, I guess hes some sort of actor.)
Monica: Good. And Rachel Green too. (Will stops suddenly.)
Will: I actually know what youre talking about. Im here to tell you something my friend, you can eat and eat and eat but nothing will ever fill that void.
Ross: Hey-hey you came! Man you look incredible! Hot stuff! (They hug and Ross realizes what he said.) Hot stuff?
Will: Yeah, its not. But Im rich and thin.
Will: Look at her standing there with those yams! My two greatest enemies Ross: Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates.
(They sit down at the table and Will goes to talk to Rachel.)
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
(Monica sets something on the table and removes the cover. It kinda looks like turkey.)
Rachel: What? (Joey starts offering Ross some turkey.) Oh yknow what? Can we please keep the chicken and the turkey and everything on the other side of the table? The smell is just yuck!
Monica: Okay. (Chandler grabs the dish from Monica and hands it to Will who starts dishing out a large helping.)
Will: Me and Ross. (Points at Ross.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier.]
Rachel: So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club.
Monica: I swear I didnt. (To Ross and Will) Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door?
Ross and Will: Yeah.
Rachel: Okay. So what? You guys would just like get together and like just say mean things about me?
Phoebe: Oh, come on Will! Just take off your shirt and tell us!
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we said that the rumor was that umm you had both male and female reproductive parts.
Rachel: What?! You heard that?! (Goes and stands behind Joey.)
Monica: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.
(Joey is now looking at Rachel, and since Rachels standing and hes sitting down and hes not looking at her face You get the picture.)
Rachel: Oh! (Hits him and storms out.)
[Time Lapse, dinner has ended for everyone except Joey who looks like to have finished the turkey, until he turns the plate around and reveals he only ate one side.]
Joey: Oh yes I do. Otherwise whats next? Today Im just a guy who cant finish a turkey, but tomorrow Im the guy who eats half a Powerbar, wraps up the rest, and puts in the fridge? No! No, I just I justI gotta change my pants. (Gets up and heads for the door.) Jeans have no give. (Exits.)
Ross: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasnt true?!
Rachel: I dont care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Yknow what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
Ross: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace
Monica: All right, listen youre just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll!
Monica: And Ross, if it werent for Rachels rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!
Monica: Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past. You-youve been through so much since then. And right now youve got so much more important stuff going on in your life. Cant you just let this go?
Will: So you knocked her up but youre not gonna marry her. Dude! (Wants another high-five and Ross ignores him.) Anybody?
Phoebe: Okay. (Goes over and hugs him.) Its exactly how Id imagined it would be.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Will has left and the rest of the gang is watching Joey finish the turkey.]
Joey: Well thats it. Im done. Whew! (Wipes his forehead.) There come the meat sweats. (Chandler hands him a towel and he wipes his face.)
Male Jeweler: This ring is from the 1920s, its a one and a half carat diamond with sapphires on either side.
Phoebe: Yeah, I like Vince a lot, y'know? But, its just Jasons so sensitive, y'know? And in the long run, I think sensitive its just better than having just like a really, really, really nice (pause) butt. (Her eyes glaze over thinking about the butt.) (pause) Jason! Definitely Jason! Okay, wish me luck!
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Joey is miming hockey pucks kitting foreheads. Chandler realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist again.]
Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
Ross: Well, maybe the crazy fog has lifted and she realises that life without me.... a-sucks.
Chandler: It doesnt matter because nothing beats a three and a six. That my friend is D-Cup. Okay, now much have you won so far?
Ross: Yeah! And! And, it was the easiest 400 bucks Ive ever made.
(Monica, Phoebe and Joey release their wind-up toys.)
Monica: Chandler! I have to tell you, you smell so smokey I have to get up. I'm not kidding. (She's not; she stands and walks away. Chandler moves closer.)
Phoebe: Alright. I looked all over the building and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, first season, Monica is making a giant sub-sandwich and is talking to Rachel. I think its The One With Fake Monica.]
Joey: It wasnt my ring! It fell out of Rosss jacket! And when I knelt down to pick it up Rachel thought I was proposing!
Rachel: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on.
Monica: Maybe because you used to be aloof, or that youre really sarcastic, or that, yknow, you joke around all the time. Or that you take off your clothes and throw them on the couch.
(He starts the car and surprisingly in fires right up and comes to a nice idle. (Both can be rarities with British sports cars with their lovely Lucas ignition systems, which tend not to work especially in the rain.) Anyway, this being New York he is parallel parked on a street with the car in front of him only inches ahead of his bumper, likewise with the car behind him. Hes completely boxed in and cant move more than two inches. He tries to get out several times by bumping the bumpers of both cars to no avail.)
Chandler: You got it. (Starts looking at the pad, while Ross got the turkey out of the fridge and starts to unwrap and it) You got Nevada twice.
PHOEBE: I, I don't, I don't understand, how can you be straight? I mean, you're, you're so smart and funny and you throw such great Academy Award parties.
Ross: Ugh, between the traffic that time of day and all the one-way streets itll take me twice as long. Besides, I teach the class three times a week, who am I? Rockefeller?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]
(Chandler waits until Jill is looking, then starts to blow a bubble. But instead of blow one, he accidentally spits the gum out of his mouth and hits the wall.)
Chandler: Yeah, but its not who I am. Everything they said was exaclty why I was worried about having a kid. And its true. And look everybody knows it.
Joey: I know, and only one layer of jam?! What is up with that?
Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
Gavin: You hear a key in the hole and you jump like a young bronco coming out of a chute for the first time. I used to be arodeo clown.
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
(He walks up onto the altar and notices the rabbi.)
Ross: Because he called here looking for you. So don�t tell me this...this kissing this guy from work is a one time thing,ok? You�ve been out there in bars and on balconies for over a month now. And you didn�t even have the courtesy to tell me.
Rachel: All right, okay, Laurie proposes to Jo, and she says no, even though shes still in love with him, and then he ends up marring Amy.
TV Announcer: Uh-oh, Bruiser has Becker on the canvas and is going for his favourite area.
(Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel enters.)
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
(They all groan and hit him..)
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
Monica: That's right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]
(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)
[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
(He goes up on stage, mimes like he's giving the speech, and Chandler takes his picture. However, before he gets down everyone starts clinking their glasses for a real speech.)
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Ross: I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!
Ross: Okay, each team will answer ten questions. The first team that answers the most questions wins. Okay, the categories are, Fears and Pet Peeves, Ancient History, Literature, and Its All Relative. Now, the coin toss to see who goes first. (He flips the coin and they all watch it hit the table and stop. Then they all look up at him, to see who goes first.) Okay, somebody call it this time.
Phoebe: Oh okay, its P as in Phoebe, H as in hoebe, O as in oebe, E as in ebe, B as in bee-bee and E as in (In an Australian accent) Ello there mate!
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
Ross: Why? Why? I know it's a little weird, but hey, he's a great doctor, okay? He knows my medical history, and every time I go in there, he makes a big deal. 'Ah look, it's my favorite patient!'
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.
Rachel: Ohh! (walking away from the window) Phoebe, this is all your fault! Now he loves her, hes gonna marry her, and this is all your fault.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and talking.]
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Ross: Y'know if we ever go to war and youre captured, youre in for a big surprise.
Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.
Rachel: Oh, I know, I know, the odds are against us, but somebody has to win, and it could be us! And then how you gonna feel? You know, we're gonna be all like "oh everybody, let's take our helicopters up to the cape" and you're gonna be all like "oh, I can't guys, I'll meet you guys up there, I gotta gas up the Hyundai"
(Rachel unlocks and opens the door to reveal a half-naked Chandler handcuffed to the chair. They both gasp and Chandler stares at them in shock and surprise.)
Monica: I cant do that either! The soles are already a little scuffed up and the insides are filled with my blood.
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel and Fake Monica are there.]
Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?
(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)
(The passenger in the seat next to Rachel looks at her and seems a little nervous.)
Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Joey: Noo, (whispering) more like a notebook... Damn it! (next word appears: "blueprint") Oh, if I'm building an house, the plan isn't called the 'shmoo-print'... Can't say that either? Woha... hey... (the last word is "Football field" and there are 5 seconds left) In high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the...
Monica: All right, that's a little sketch of the cake, umm some sample menus, umm y'know what I thought we would start out with Tuscan style finger food, and for music, here's an alphabetized list of all my CDs! I've highlighted the ones that would go really good with the food.
Monica: And who pays for that?
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the gains.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them and they cheer.)
(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)
Ross and Rachel: Goodnight.
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.)
Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.)
Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.
Joshua: I invested in this night-club and its opening tonight, would you like to come?
Fake Monica: So once they caught on to the fact that we're, y'know, short and have breasts...
(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.]
Erica: Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much. I keep getting these stomach aches. They come and go like every few minutes.
Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...
Phoebe: Yeah, I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong! And its making me look at him totally differently. Yknow, I mean he used to be just, yknow Jack Geller Monica and Rosss dad and now hes hes Jack Geller, dream hunk."
Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad...
Rachel: Well of those things that you said in the interview, I mean if you believe any of them, I must not be a very good assistant. Yknow what? I am just gonna pack up my desk, (She goes over to get all of her belongings from the desk, which amount to a muffin and a pen) and I will be gone by the end of the day! (Realizes she has nothing.) Well, I guess theres no use to me sticking around til the end of the day! (Starts to leave.)
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.)
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their parents.]
Ross: Oh, okay, yknow what this is? This is a difference of opinion. And when that happens in a marriage...