words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When Youre Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Joey: Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back.
Phoebe: Yeah! And look, (Grabs the pants) see how they expand as the baby grows? (Theres a stretchy part in front.) And then after the babys born, theyre great for shoplifting melons.
Monica: No that was Jarred! Wow! I havent thought about him in a long time (Stares off into the distance lost in thought.) (Pause) Anyway, umm Wills, Wills here on business and he didnt have a place to go so I invited him here.
Monica: Oh, and by the way, hes lost a bunch of weight. I mean he looks goo-ood! Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous! (Joey clears his throat.) I still love Chandler.
Joey: No theyre not! Theyre ugly and stupid and delicious!
Monica: All right! Okay, its just Phoebe. Wills still on a diet, Chandler doesnt eat Thanksgiving food, and Rachels having her aversion to poultry.
Joey: Yeah. But I thought that was because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table.
Joey: Thats right! Cause Im a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we dont read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching football, and its actually the right game Green Bay at Detroit (although not this years), as Monica is getting everything ready.]
Phoebe: I dont believe you! That is brilliant! And Monica has no idea?
Chandler: Nope! Every once and a while I just scream stuff at the TV.
(Monica enters and Chandler screams stuff at the TV.)
(Oh, I should point out that the live studio audience at this point goes absolutely wild. And I had absolutely no idea that this Will character was that popular! Maybe they should make him the seventh friend. Which would work out just fine since hes already married to one of them. Will is played by some guy named Brad Pitt, I guess hes some sort of actor.)
Monica: Good. And Rachel Green too. (Will stops suddenly.)
Will: I actually know what youre talking about. Im here to tell you something my friend, you can eat and eat and eat but nothing will ever fill that void.
Ross: Hey-hey you came! Man you look incredible! Hot stuff! (They hug and Ross realizes what he said.) Hot stuff?
Will: Yeah, its not. But Im rich and thin.
Will: Look at her standing there with those yams! My two greatest enemies Ross: Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates.
(They sit down at the table and Will goes to talk to Rachel.)
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
(Monica sets something on the table and removes the cover. It kinda looks like turkey.)
Rachel: What? (Joey starts offering Ross some turkey.) Oh yknow what? Can we please keep the chicken and the turkey and everything on the other side of the table? The smell is just yuck!
Monica: Okay. (Chandler grabs the dish from Monica and hands it to Will who starts dishing out a large helping.)
Will: Me and Ross. (Points at Ross.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier.]
Rachel: So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club.
Monica: I swear I didnt. (To Ross and Will) Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door?
Ross and Will: Yeah.
Rachel: Okay. So what? You guys would just like get together and like just say mean things about me?
Phoebe: Oh, come on Will! Just take off your shirt and tell us!
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we said that the rumor was that umm you had both male and female reproductive parts.
Rachel: What?! You heard that?! (Goes and stands behind Joey.)
Monica: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.
(Joey is now looking at Rachel, and since Rachels standing and hes sitting down and hes not looking at her face You get the picture.)
Rachel: Oh! (Hits him and storms out.)
[Time Lapse, dinner has ended for everyone except Joey who looks like to have finished the turkey, until he turns the plate around and reveals he only ate one side.]
Joey: Oh yes I do. Otherwise whats next? Today Im just a guy who cant finish a turkey, but tomorrow Im the guy who eats half a Powerbar, wraps up the rest, and puts in the fridge? No! No, I just I justI gotta change my pants. (Gets up and heads for the door.) Jeans have no give. (Exits.)
Ross: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasnt true?!
Rachel: I dont care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Yknow what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
Ross: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace
Monica: All right, listen youre just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll!
Monica: And Ross, if it werent for Rachels rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!
Monica: Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past. You-youve been through so much since then. And right now youve got so much more important stuff going on in your life. Cant you just let this go?
Will: So you knocked her up but youre not gonna marry her. Dude! (Wants another high-five and Ross ignores him.) Anybody?
Phoebe: Okay. (Goes over and hugs him.) Its exactly how Id imagined it would be.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Will has left and the rest of the gang is watching Joey finish the turkey.]
Joey: Well thats it. Im done. Whew! (Wipes his forehead.) There come the meat sweats. (Chandler hands him a towel and he wipes his face.)
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Monica: Did you go home and change?
[Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia is on the phone with her mother.]
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Phoebe is playing a song. Chandler, Monica, and Ross are there as well.]
Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?
Joey: Good luck, and uh, take care, huh?
Carol: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out of my body here, and you're not making it any easier.
Carol: Listen, we both know youre gonna do it cause youre not a jerk. Okay? So you can either sulk here for a half hour and then go pick them up, or save us both time and sulk in the car.
(Phoebe has heard them arguing and comes down the hall, taking them into a broom closet.)
Joey: Come on! Youre good with kids. Theyre just crazy on Halloween. Yknow, theyre all greedy and hopped up on sugar!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Lesile, Kiki, and Joanne are talking.]
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]
Ross: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. (Walks backwards as if he is going to break down the door, but steps in a bucket and falls) Ow.
[Scene: Carol's room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau are there with her.]
Rachel: No, honey, they're not, but don't worry, because we are going to find them, and until we do, we are all here for you, ok?
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Phoebe: Oh Joey, you bummed him out! This was the happiest dog in the world, and he spends half a day with you, and look at him!
Susan and Ross: (even louder) Help!
(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.)
Ross: Oh, guys, you should've seen him. 'Read 'em and weep.'
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau have gone to get coffee.]
Ross: I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he- he threw some faeces...
Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.
Ross: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.
Ross: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for this as much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny thing is? When this day is over, you get to go home with the baby, ok? Where does that leave me?
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
(Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt.)
Rachel: Yee. I mean, it was so weirdest thing. They fired me and then out of nowhere they just hire me back! I mean, that place must have been falling apart without me.
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Janitor: (to Ross and Susan) Wait! You forgot your legs!
[Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]
Chandler: Oh, and Ive got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in Gym.
JOEY: Ya know, one of these times you're gonna really be naked and we're not gonna come over.
Mindy: Well, ever since we announced the engagement, he's been acting really weird, and then last night, he came home smelling like Chanel.
Ross: We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms, we got, oh, look at the little fingers, oh, and a chest, and a stomach. It's a boy, definitely a boy! All right! Ok, legs, knees, and feet. Oh, oh. He's here. He's a person.
(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
Chandler: Okay, well Im gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. Youre 32! (Exits)
Ross: Ben, I want you to know that there may be some times when I may not be around, like this. (walks out of the picture) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns) And sometimes I may be away longer, like this. (walks away) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns)
[Scene: The Subway, Joey sees his poster and he peels off the caption on his poster, revealing more posters underneath. The captions read, as follows:
Phoebe: I-I cant find anything that I want to eat! Everything I eat makes me nauseous! Im telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cakeooh! Cake! (Chandler shrugs, and Phoebe grimaces.) No.
Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives money to Joey)
Ross: Okay? But-but imagine a lot more lights, okay? And-and yknow fewer bricks, and-and-and flowers, and candles
Monica and Phoebe: Ewww!
Phoebe: Oh, I am having the best karma this week. First, I find this woman who knew my parents, and then my client with the fuzzy back gives me his beach house.
Phoebe: Jeez, you say one thing, and...
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]
Ross: And here's little Ben nodding off...
Ross: (to Monica): Could you take it to Carol's every now and then, and show it to Ben, just so he doesn't forget me?
MONICA: Alright, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in shower at the gym, and no I don't look.
[Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.]
Joey: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man. (Joey gives Ross a hug)
Rachel: This one's from Joey... feels like a book. Thinks it's a book... feels like a book. And...(opens it)...it's a book!
Chandler: (sarcastically) Because its a relaxing and enjoyable time!
Monica: I'm not going to be a part of this! You can't just bring some random guy at home and expect him to be our sperm donor!
Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Joey: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station.
Rachel: Nooo! Phoebe, of course there is more! I mean, I'll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee-pee's!
Flight Attendant: It's from Rachel. She said that she loved the present, and she will see you when you get back.
[Scene: Joey's Bedroom, he and Melanie are in bed together.]
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
Ross: (British) Come again? Whats-whats this nonsense? (Giggles.) (American.) All right, Im-Im not English. Im from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. Im sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? (Everyone raises their hands) About paleontology. (They all put their hands down.) All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because Im-Im hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression
Chandler: Its incredible, I mean one minute shes inside you and then 47 hours later here she is.
Monica and Phoebe: Sure.
Rachel: I don't know. I don't know... I thought about it all the way there, and I thought about it all the way back... and, uh, oh, you guys, y'know, it's Ross. Y'know what I mean? I mean, it's Ross.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is eating breakfast, Joey quietly opens his bedroom door.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, one week later. Monica is seated, Rachel comes out of her bedroom.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are there. Monica is holding the wrapping paper from one of Rachel's gifts.]
Rachel: Monica, nothing has even happened yet, and you're already so...
Rachel: Because, I feel like I wouldn't just be going out with him. I would be going out with all of you. Oh, and there would just be all this pressure, and I don't wanna...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is having drinks with her date, Carl.]
Joey: What, are you crazy? When a blind man gets his sight back, does he walk around like this? (Joey closes his eyes and walks around with arms spread.)
Michelle: All I ever wanted was just love him and have him love me back. I mean, am I so unlovable?
Rachel: If we broke up, and I lost you...
(Rachel, Monica, Ross and Chandler whip around for a second time, in formation.)
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
(They kiss. Ross walks away, and then fades out.)
(Ross picks up the bag... then he and the woman kiss.)
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
(Chandler and Joey burst in, with Marcel)
(Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen, pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes to join them.)
Ross and Julie: Can't wait.
[Scene: Estelle's memorial service. Joey is giving a speech. Next to him is a blown op photograph of Estelle behind her desk and there's a man standing next to him.]
Rachel: Okay. Okay fine, yknow what? We will let Ross and Joey decide. (Ross enters.) (In a sexy voice.) Hiiiii, Ross! Sweetie.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is waiting for Rachel to return from the airport with Ross.]
Rachel: (to Chandler) You, you, you said he liked me. (Ross and Julie enter) You, you slowpokes!
Monica: I'm telling you, she went to the airport, and she's gonna go for it with Ross!
CHANDLER: Yes, and this with the cigarette butt in it, is that decaf?
Julie: And the spitting?
Ross: And bus.
Rachel: And the chicken pooped in her lap. Oh, I'm so sorry. I just gave away the ending, didn't I? Oh! It's just, I just heard this story in the cab, and it is all I can think about.
Julie: ...and this guy...
Julie: And then we've gotta get some sleep.
Joey: Yeah. Yeah, so what? (On phone) Look, I live across the street, (walking to the window) and I know all about you and your little telescope, and I don't appreciate it, okay? (Listens) Yeah, I can see you right now! (Listens) Hello! (Listens) If I wanna walk around my apartment in my underwear, I shouldn't have to feel like(Listens)Thank you, but... that's not really the point... (Listens) The point is that... (Listens) Mostly free weights, but occasionally..
Julie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
Ross: Well, we just wanted to say a quick hi, and then we're gonna go see the baby.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler enter.]
(Ross and Julie exit)
Rachel: Okay... Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree and Evelyn?