words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's Office in Tulsa, in the conference room. Chandler's staff/co-workers are sitting round the table; Chandler is walking around, when he notices a piece of paper attached to the back of his chair.]
Chandler: Typical Christmas-y stuff, you know? Our holidays are pretty traditional...
Rachel: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.
[Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Joey: Rach, these are for you.
Ross: What are you doing here, Santa?
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man?
Ross: (to Chandler) What are you doing?
(All others are looking up, surprised)
(All are leaving, wishing each other a Merry Christmas, peace on earth, etc. Only Wendy stays.)
Wendy: Besides, I can't leave until their Christmas party downstairs clears out; there are some *pissed off* insurance people looking for that ham.
Monica: Ohh, you are such a good boss! Is she pretty?
Chandler: Ah well, she's got this weird idea, that, uh, y'know, just because you and I are alone, that something is gonna happen.
Wendy: You are to me... (She gets closer again, putting her arms around his torso.)
Wendy: Okay, let me ask you something: if what you and your wife have is so great, then why are you spending Christmas with me?
Chandler: You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms... (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
Chandler: How drunk are you?
Monica: Wow! You are really fast!
[Flashback to 503 - TOW The Triplets] [Scene: A hallway in the hospital, Monica and Chandler are talking.]
Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?
Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not just goof around with him.
Monica: I think you're better than you think you are.
[Flashback to 524 - TOI Vegas, Part II] [Scene: The Gift Shop, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
(Surprised, uttering Ahhs and Ohhs, the others are coming over to him.)
Monica: What are you doing here?
Rachel: Wha... are you kidding? I can't return this.
Chandler: Actuary... no. Book-keeper... no. Topless dancer... (he looks down on himself, checking, then nods satisfied and marks the offer with a pen) (to Monica:) Hey, d'you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner. *You* are the head of the household. I don't do anything - I'm a kept man!
Monica: You are! (she picks up a bill from the table, handing it to Chandler) Hey, here's twenty bucks. -- Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow?
[Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Monica: Ooh...hey honey, are you all right?
Ross: Uh, no, no, see, because not...not all guys are going to be a Paolo.
Monica: Where are you guys going? Come on, one more game!
Rachel: Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice.
Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause hello, these are not her boobies, these are her breasts.
Monica: Hey, how long are you in the city?
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica and Rachel's.]
Phoebe: Sven I don't understand what you're saying! What is wrong with the flowers? Lorkins? What the hell are lorkins?
Joey: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.
Chandler: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
Monica: Okay...who are you?
Joey: Ma, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but... what the hell are you talking about?! I mean, what about you?
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Rachel: Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?
[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.]
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all there, discussing their bad luck with men.]
(Enter Rachel and Paolo. They are both somewhat flustered)
Kristin: That's funny. Who are they?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are holding their boyfriend bonfire.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, firemen are there to handle the bonfire that got out of control.]
Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out.
Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?
[Scene: Out in the hall, the firemen are talking.]
Fireman No. 3: Are you kidding? My girlfriend doesn't know, I'm not gonna tell them!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are babysitting Ben.]
Joey: I don't know. What are you wearing?
Rachel: What are you going to make?
Rachel: (pause) And Monica, what are you going to make?
Rachel: So what are you guys going to do?
Chandler: Who are you going out with?
Phoebe: Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man?
{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.}
(Chandler kicks the door closed, angrily. His clothes are askew, he looks beat.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Ross are there, discussing what happened last night.]
Steve: Well, smack my ass and call me Judy! These are fantastic!
Steve: (from kitchen) Ah, cool! Taco shells! (Rachel motions, "You see!") You know, these are... they're like a little corn envelope.
Tommy: (noticing the chick) Ooh, hey! Hey, there little fella. (picks up the chick) Mr. Fuzzy-Man, how are you doing? (starts to pet him) Aww. (The chick poops on his hand.) Eww! Oh! Eww! Gross! Idiot!! Stupid little, fuzzy, yellow creature!! Oh look at me, Im so cute, Im a little chick whos disgusting! God, youre so stupid, how are you not yet extinct!! (the duck wattles behind him and quacks) (to the duck) Quack-quack, quack-quack!! What are you quacking about?! Dumb Donald Doo-Doo!!
[Scene: Central Perk, all are there except Chandler.]
Ross: That was the water fountain! Okay?! Anyway, people are writing reports for me, uh pushing back deadlines to meet my schedule, I'm telling you, you get tough with people you can get anything you want. (Joey walks by with a cup of coffee.) Hey Tribbiani, give me that coffee! Now!
Chandler: Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here?
Joey: No, no... how come you are working here?
[Scene: The Hospital, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there, along with Aunt Lillian. Ross and Monica enter and everyone says hi and kisses.)
Rachel: What are you playing with?
Monica: Yeah you will! The right guy is just around the corner! Okay, are we done with that?
Nina: Are you okay?
Jamie: No, no, no. We were there last night. She kept... (shuddering at the memory) ..bringing swordfish. (Indicating the ladies bathroom) are you gonna go to the, um?
Phoebe: Much as you are.
[The next one is from Episode 417: The One With The Free Porn, Chandler and Joey are lamenting the fact that every beautiful woman they see doesnt want to have sex right then and there like in porn.]
Joey: So what, like people are gonna come in and think, "Uh-oh, I'm outside again?" Of course!
Phoebe: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower.
Monica: Are you alright?
Monica: Rachel, what are you doing? Its freezing out here. Would you come back inside?
[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are there when the phone starts ringing.]
Rachel: Are you seein her again tonight?
Chandler: What are you crazy? That's a baby!
Ross: What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap outta me.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Monica: Rachel, the cute doctors are here.
Dr. Mitchell: That's because they are.
Rachel: Okay, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we just tell them who we really are? I mean, it'll be fine, I really think it'll be fine.
Monica: Well, my breasts are going to get bigger weather you like it or not! And you know what? It's not just my breasts. My ass is going to get bigger too.
Monica: I said we are not going to do it, okay? Sometimes you can be such a, a big baby.
Rachel: Every day, you are becoming more and more like your mother.
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
Phoebe: So, um, are you gonna call him?
Rachel: Yeah well, not anymore I can't. He fired us! What are we gonna do? We have to find a pediatrician. Wait wait, Monica said that when you guys were growing up, you really liked your doctor. What was his name?
JOEY: I don't need to think about it. I was Dr. Drake Remoray. That was huge. Big things are gonna happen, you'll see. Ross, you still there?
Guys: Hockey! (They go to leave but are blocked by three of Rachel's friends, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne. The guys pause to stare at them.) Hockey! Hockey. (The guys.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there. Monica is just finishing cleaning the windows.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are sitting at a table. Rachel is working. Monica and Phoebe enter.]
Rachel: Hi! How are you?
Ross: No, women are welcome to play.
Ross: You are way off, pal.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe are there.]
[Scene: Ross' apartment. Chandler and Joey are there. Ross enters with a pizza.]
Ross: You are not putting that on again! Marcel, OKif you press that button, you are in very, very big trouble.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Ross are there.]
Monica: Excuse me, where are you going?
Ross: Marcel! Where are you going with that disc?
Rachel: Oh, you are losing. Definitely losing. (phone rings)
Ross: Look, Rachel, this is poker. I play to win, alright? In order for me to win, other people have to lose. So if you're gonna play poker with me, don't expect me to be a 'nice guy,' OK? Cause once those cards are dealt... (claps hands three times)
Ross: Oh God. Y'know, botanists are such geeks.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are eating Chinese.]
[Scene: Joe-G's Pizza, the guys are there.]
Ross: Alright, I've gotta go. C'mon, Marcel! C'mon! We're gonna go take a bath. Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are.
Chandler: I can't believe we are even having this discussion.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Monica, and Joey are playing Monopoly.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a soap opera.]
[Cut to a hallway in the building, Monica and Phoebe are knocking on a door. Mr. Heckles emerges.]
Luisa: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green!
Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot.
Joey: Oh yeah, lava spewing, hot ash, of course some are dormant.
Monica: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after him. Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay?
Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!
Ross: Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon. (Marcel starts to go to him)