words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's Office in Tulsa, in the conference room. Chandler's staff/co-workers are sitting round the table; Chandler is walking around, when he notices a piece of paper attached to the back of his chair.]
Chandler: Typical Christmas-y stuff, you know? Our holidays are pretty traditional...
Rachel: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.
[Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Joey: Rach, these are for you.
Ross: What are you doing here, Santa?
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man?
Ross: (to Chandler) What are you doing?
(All others are looking up, surprised)
(All are leaving, wishing each other a Merry Christmas, peace on earth, etc. Only Wendy stays.)
Wendy: Besides, I can't leave until their Christmas party downstairs clears out; there are some *pissed off* insurance people looking for that ham.
Monica: Ohh, you are such a good boss! Is she pretty?
Chandler: Ah well, she's got this weird idea, that, uh, y'know, just because you and I are alone, that something is gonna happen.
Wendy: You are to me... (She gets closer again, putting her arms around his torso.)
Wendy: Okay, let me ask you something: if what you and your wife have is so great, then why are you spending Christmas with me?
Chandler: You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms... (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
Chandler: How drunk are you?
Monica: Wow! You are really fast!
[Flashback to 503 - TOW The Triplets] [Scene: A hallway in the hospital, Monica and Chandler are talking.]
Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?
Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not just goof around with him.
Monica: I think you're better than you think you are.
[Flashback to 524 - TOI Vegas, Part II] [Scene: The Gift Shop, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
(Surprised, uttering Ahhs and Ohhs, the others are coming over to him.)
Monica: What are you doing here?
Rachel: Wha... are you kidding? I can't return this.
Chandler: Actuary... no. Book-keeper... no. Topless dancer... (he looks down on himself, checking, then nods satisfied and marks the offer with a pen) (to Monica:) Hey, d'you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner. *You* are the head of the household. I don't do anything - I'm a kept man!
Monica: You are! (she picks up a bill from the table, handing it to Chandler) Hey, here's twenty bucks. -- Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow?
Chandler: I was asleep. (She takes off her robe and starts to shiver) Oh no! No-no honey! Yknow whats sexy? Layers. Layers are sexy. And blankets are sexy. And oh! Hot water bottles are sexy.
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no, you are not getting me this way.
Rachel: Hi! Wh-what are you doing here?
Jill: This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think? (She spins to show Rachel the outfit shes wearing.)
Monica: Im with you Chandler! I mean I cant have sex with a sick person either, thats disgusting! But Im not sick! Let me prove it to you. We are two healthy people in the pribe of libe.
Rachel: Uh, Im just, Im just looking out your window. At-at the view. What are you guys doing?
Chandler: (calling from the bathroom) What are you doing here?
Rachel: (on tape) (Ross hands her a glass of wine) I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it! (Mimicking Monica) "Okay Rachel! Here are the invitations Rachel! Now be very careful Rachel! Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations Rachel!" (She tilts her wine glass above and moves it back and forth across the invitations) Whoa oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh oh-oh-oh
Joey: (sees Rachel) Oh, uh, hey Rach. I uh, I was just coming over here to uh Oh wait, I dont have to lie to you, you dont live here anymore. Uh, Im eating their food. What are you doing?
Monica: Are you kidding me?! Is this; is this turning you on?
Monica: (To Rachel) Oh, are the drapes still closed hon?
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are there. Phoebe enters carrying video tapes.]
Rachel: Oh Ross, hi! Hey, how are ya? There you are!
(She grabs his arm and drags him over to a table where three beautiful women are sitting. Now, Im going to go out on a limb and say that their names are Stephanie, Karin, and Meg. Okay, so I looked at the credits. Of course, only Meg is named later on, so Ill have to guess who is Stephanie and who is Karin. But, well cross that bridge when we come to it.)
The Fan: Are you Phoebe Buffay?
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
Jill: Why are you so jealous of me?
Phoebe: Are you leaving "The Supremes"? (Monica and Phoebe go to one side)
Chandler: You didnt get more movies that are gonna have us reaching for the tissues all night did you?
Monica: Yes, but you are dead inside.
Monica: Why are you reading this? You hate this kind of stuff.
[Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.]
Rachel: (on phone) What is my sister doing there?! And why are the drapes shut?!
Ross: Slides are almost ready.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time lapse, Ross is entering. Chandler and Monica are at the kitchen table. Rachel is on the couch reading.]
Jill: (To Ross) And you! I throw myself at you and you say no, how gay are you?
Rachel: Hey, you guys! Guess what? Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce!
Rachel: Wow! How are you?!
Joey: (shrugging his shoulders to go along with it) Vomiting stories are funny...
Gunther: Okay, here are the tips for this morning. Jen gets 50, 50 for me, and Joey owes eight dollars.
Monica: You are so sweet to notice! Yes, I lost three and a half pounds!
Rachel: Oh yeah. Right. So now, aredo you, do you still do music?
Rachel: (stunned) You are friends with Dr. Drake Remoray?
Monica: (laughs) You realize what you are dont you?
Joey: (entering) Hey there you are!
Chandler: Phoebe, are you having a heart attack?!
Chandler: But the Kit-Kats are all right?!
{Transcribers Note: This is an hour-long special episode. Which means that the first part of this episode is episode 615. The second part of this episode is episode 616. Since episodes 615 and 616 are combined into one file, thats why there is no episode 616 in the season 6 table of contents and the numbers jump from episode 615 to 617.}
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler and Monica are there with Phoebe as Ross enters.]
[Scene: A hospital, Phoebe is recovering from her heart attack as Ross, Monica, and Chandler are there to comfort and support her.]
Chandler: (entering) Oh hey Rachel, sweetheart? You have got to tell the post office that you have moved. Okay? We are still getting all your bills and stuff. (Hands her all of her bills and stuff.)
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Chandler: But those are the words! Those exact words!
[Scene: A judges chambers, Rachel and Ross are filing their annulment papers.]
Chandler: I dont wanna know what Monica got me. Yknow? I mean, look, Im sure she worked really hard at getting you a present, and wanting to surprise me, and you guys are gonna ruin that, and I, look we have to put these back, this is not what Christmas is about.
Monica: Yknow what? You are right?!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.]
[Scene: The hospital, Ross and Monica are in Phoebes room. Phoebe is in the bathroom and Monica notices smoke coming out from underneath the door.]
CHANDLER: Alright you guys are off to party number one [ushers 3 guys into Monica's apartment] and you, you are off to party number two [ushers four women into his apartment. Two guys try to follow and Chandler blocks them and shoos them off to Monica's apartment] Alright fellas, let's keep it movin', let' keep it movin.
Ross: So honey this uh, this threesome thing umm, I mean how-how are you gonna start to find
Phoebe: What are you two girls whispering about over there?!
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica are eating Monicas dinner.]
Chandler: No you are not! You are sweet and wonderful and this is gonna happen for you.
Joey: When was the last time someone told you just how beautiful you are?
Joey: Come on man! (To Gary) Listen so uh, are you gonna squeeze the perps shoes a little bit before he lawyers up?
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, continued from earlier. Monica and Chandler are still discussing the previous question.]
Monica: I know! Ill tell you something, we are gonna do that again!
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Youre not gonna use the pay phone to call work, are ya?
[Cut back to her room, Joey and Ross are sitting there waiting for her.]
Monica: Are you okay?
Jack: What are you doing here?
Monica: Yknow, I dont have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. (He laughs halfheartedly) Are you sure youre okay?
Jack: Are you all right?
Rachel: Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?! And why is it that the second we tell you were going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbors dog walker?!
Rachel: Who are these men?
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Phoebes cell phone rings and she goes through her little routine of lighting a cigarette before answering the phone.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Joey is working.]
Joey: Are you kidding me?! I love Archie! And the whole gang!
Ross: So what are you gonna do?
Joey: (to Rachel) Will you hurry up? Did you not hear me before when I told you that all of Janines friends are dancers?! And that theyre going to be drinking alot!?
Joey: Oh thats too bad. Ive kinda been saving up. (She just looks at him in horror.) Uh, are you sure theres no studies I can participate in?
Receptionist: Oh that one is available now, but only identical twins are eligible. Its a twins study.
Ross: All right, thats it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Comeyouno! You are in big trouble young man!
Chandler: Okay, are you aware unagi (does the finger thing) is an eel?
[Rachel is in the kitchen fiddling with her English truffle. Joey and Ross, anxious to leave and go to Janines party, are egging her on to hurry up.]
Chandler: But I made you a tape of what I think are all romantic songs.
Chandler: You are totally and completely 100% forgiven.
Chandler: Wow! (To the sock bunny still on his hand.) You are way to young to have seen that!
Joey's Look-A-Like: Im Joey! How are you doin?!
Monica: Who the hell are you?!
Chandler: Yknow sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, arent they?
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are returning.]
Ross: Its not something you are! Its something you have!
Phoebe: Say we are unagi!
Joey: Thats right! And what are you not gonna do?
Monica: You are just the sweetest. (They kiss.)
Chandler: So, are we going in there?
Monica: (pointing to the kitchen) Yeah you will! (Points to the bedroom) And, are you kiddin me?!
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting up by the window because two guys have their couch.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are there as Ross enters.]
Joey: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!
Ross: Hey! I just got uh, my teacher evaluations! Check out what this one student wrote, "I loved Dr. Gellers class. Mind blowing lectures! Dr. Geller, you are definitely the hottie of the paleontology department!"
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Joey: So are guys doing okay?
Rachel: Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, why are we so sure that this is a girl?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are eating breakfast as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey-hey dude, why are you changing the subject? Why? Will you make the call or what?
Chandler: What are you smiling about? What is so funny?
[Scene: Tattoo parlor. Phoebe and Rachel are deciding on tattoos.]
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, everyone minus Ross are arriving to inspect the damage. The fire department is still there.]