words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's Office in Tulsa, in the conference room. Chandler's staff/co-workers are sitting round the table; Chandler is walking around, when he notices a piece of paper attached to the back of his chair.]
Chandler: Typical Christmas-y stuff, you know? Our holidays are pretty traditional...
Rachel: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.
[Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Joey: Rach, these are for you.
Ross: What are you doing here, Santa?
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man?
Ross: (to Chandler) What are you doing?
(All others are looking up, surprised)
(All are leaving, wishing each other a Merry Christmas, peace on earth, etc. Only Wendy stays.)
Wendy: Besides, I can't leave until their Christmas party downstairs clears out; there are some *pissed off* insurance people looking for that ham.
Monica: Ohh, you are such a good boss! Is she pretty?
Chandler: Ah well, she's got this weird idea, that, uh, y'know, just because you and I are alone, that something is gonna happen.
Wendy: You are to me... (She gets closer again, putting her arms around his torso.)
Wendy: Okay, let me ask you something: if what you and your wife have is so great, then why are you spending Christmas with me?
Chandler: You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms... (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
Chandler: How drunk are you?
Monica: Wow! You are really fast!
[Flashback to 503 - TOW The Triplets] [Scene: A hallway in the hospital, Monica and Chandler are talking.]
Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?
Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not just goof around with him.
Monica: I think you're better than you think you are.
[Flashback to 524 - TOI Vegas, Part II] [Scene: The Gift Shop, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
(Surprised, uttering Ahhs and Ohhs, the others are coming over to him.)
Monica: What are you doing here?
Rachel: Wha... are you kidding? I can't return this.
Chandler: Actuary... no. Book-keeper... no. Topless dancer... (he looks down on himself, checking, then nods satisfied and marks the offer with a pen) (to Monica:) Hey, d'you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner. *You* are the head of the household. I don't do anything - I'm a kept man!
Monica: You are! (she picks up a bill from the table, handing it to Chandler) Hey, here's twenty bucks. -- Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow?
Joey: (sounding very proud of himself) Some of the words are a little too sophisticated for ya?
Rachel: Yes you are! Oh, I am so proud of you!
[Scene: Monica’s Apartment. Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there, Phoebe enters the room]
(They approach the buffet, where a couple of paleontologists are sipping their drinks)
Rachel: (To Ross) Great, shoot, what are we gonna do?
Amy: Yeah, not really. Babies are dull.
Ross: (sees how strangely Monica, Chandler and Rachel are looking at him) What?
Amy: What? What are you gonna do?
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk. Rachel and Steve are walking home from their date. Steve is sobbing.]
Rachel: (gasps) I can't believe I ever even tried to help you. You are so beyond help.
Rachel: (yelling) Joey, where are those bags?
Phoebe: I'm not. I'm praying. (looking up) Please let the Knicks win... Thank you Thor! (Mike is standing up) Where... where are you going?
Rachel: Yeah. I just, I kept trying to make you a better person, but you're... you're already a pretty perfect version of what you are.
Ross: No, I mean it. You are so loyal man, and selfless, and generous...
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk. Rachel and Amy are walking on the sidewalk.]
Amy: Not that great. It's almost if people don't want to hear that their babies are ugly.
Phoebe: (proud of herself) Oh yes, they are.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel, Joey and Emma are there.]
[Scene: A restaurant. Ross and Charlie are waiting for her ex-boyfriend, Benjamin Hobart]
Charlie: Me too. (she and Benjamin are hugging for very long and Ross starts pretending to clear his throat, until they stop)
Ross: Are you serious?
Monica: (Into the phone) Hello? Chandler, what's wrong? (She listens) Oh my God, are you alright? (listens some more) Yeah, I'll be right there. (She hangs up and speaks to Amanda) I'm so sorry, but Chandler was in a car accident. (She gets up)
Benjamin: I'm sorry. I just haven't seen her for so long! All these feelings are rushing back! I'm starting to realize how much I missed her, and I'm gonna need you to break up with her.
Joey: Just what needs to be done! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and this woman
[Scene: Interview room. Ross and two other professors (one man, one woman) are sitting on one side of a long desk. Benjamin Hobart is sitting on the other side]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Rachel are talking.]
Rachel: But you are a liar.
Chandler: Why are you so sure I didn't watch this tape?
Rachel: (surprised by how ugly it is) Wow! (sarcastic) Oh, she's so nice and big! Oh, Monica, where are you going to display Gladys oh so proudly? (looks around for a spot)
Monica: (Impatient with Rachel) Are you still here?
(Joey's eyes are twice their size now, and looks nervously from Rachel to Gladys and back.)
(While they are both pushing the painting towards each other, Phoebe enters)
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe and Rachel are on the couch.]
[Scene: Benjamin's office. Ross and Charlie are entering.]
Benjamin: Dr. Geller...? Charlie... What are you... what are you doing here?
Chandler: Look, I'm sorry I didn't give them your tape. And I promise, next time to submit you whether I think you are right for the part or not.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is answering the door in his robe.] CHAN: No, no, no, no, no, no [opens door to Monica] No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday. MNCA: Why not? CHAN: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day. MNCA: OK, if you say stop, then we stop. CHAN: OK, stop. MNCA: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo [Chandler walks out of the apartment, leaving Monica] Woo. [Scene: Rachel and Monica's apartment. Rachel is taking asprin. Ross enters.] ROSS: Hey Rach. RACH: Ahhhh. ROSS: Oh. And how was the date? RACH: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know there was wine. . . [Rachel looks at Ross as though she remembers something, but can't place what it is.]
Ross: Okay, that's it. WE ARE SEEING OTHER PEOPLE!
Ross: Hey, what are you doing?
(Joey and Ross enter. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch, reading a magazine.)
Mike: Are you serious?
Amy: Well, it should be. I'm gonna help babies learn how to accessorize, what colors to wear, what clothes are slimming...
Rachel: So, uhm... what are you gonna do today?
Ross: Oh, that's OK. I'm sure there are tons of other beautiful paleontologists out there.
Ross: Look, I'm sorry to hear about your tragedy, ok? But the swings are perfectly safe, and besides Emma loves them. You know what, you should come with us and you'll see!
Monica: Please ... if I win the lottery, you guys are not gonna leave me. Someone gave me a basket of mini-muffins last week and I couldn't get rid of you for 3 days!
Chandler: Here we go. Stand up straight. (smiling) Big smile. (opens the door and both are smiling exaggeratedly)
Monica: You are so handsome! I wanna make love to you right here, right now! (Growls and pulls him into a kiss.)
Monica: That’s right. You’re making a commitment and that’s the same, whether you do that at the Plaza or, where are you gonna do it?
Charity guy: Wow! Are you here to make another donation the same day? I don’t think that that’s ever happened before.
Mr. Geller: (shaking her hand) So are you his mother or his father?
Laura: Well, I'm sorry I brought it up. So, are either one of you planning on staying at home with your child... (someone knocks on the door)
Laura: You know, I... I feel like I've been here before. Are any other couples in the building adopting?
Rachel: Oh, oh Ross, oh my God, are you okay?
Rachel: Ross, see! I told you, those swings are evil! Alright, that is it. That is the last time Emma is getting on one of those things for her entire life.
Monica: Oh, by the way, you are more than welcome to look under any of the furniture, because, believe me, you won't find any porn or cigarettes under there!
Chandler: What the hell are you doing?
Laura: What are you doing here?
Laura: Are you friends with him?
Charity guy: Are you here to take more money? Because, I think what you're looking for is an ATM.
[Scene: The New York City Children's Fund building. Phoebe and Mike are entering.]
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are sitting in their living room when the phone rings.]
Monica: It was Laura... She gave us a great report and we are officially on the waiting list.
Ross: Are you kidding?
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter, the others are sitting on the couch.]
Monica: What? You are way off, lady!
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Phoebe enters carrying the horrific 'painting' of Gladys. Monica and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: We are supposed to make these decisions together! Did you not watch the Doctor Phil I taped for you?
Monica: That's my favourite kind! Okay, we are doing this!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are in there, and Phoebe enters]
Rachel: Oh! Phoebe, all babies are beautiful!
Ross: Guess where they are?
Phoebe: Are you asking me out? Cause it would be kinda weird since you just broke up with my sister.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel are at the playground with Emma. Rachel in putting her back in the stroller and Ross is tending to his wound]
Joey: Ohhhh! These seats are great!
Joey: How late are we?
Joey: You are not at Thanksgiving?
Rachel: What are you doing here!
Ross: Yeah. What are we gonna do?
Phoebe: You guys, there are people in there who are not getting any happier!
Phoebe: Alright, what are we gonna say?
Monica: What? Are you serious?! (To Chandler) Joey smells gas!
Monica: (gasps) Oooh! They are in for a world of pain!
Joey: (throws down a small wad of money, and as his hand twin starts to unfold it, Joey once again brings attention to their special gift to the world. {Y'know, looking at it now, they really don't have that similar of hands. Joey's are bigger.}) Ooh-ho-ho! (The dealer stares at him and he stops.)
[time lapse – they are still in the hall]
Ross: How are we gonna decide who gets this?
Phoebe: What are we gonna do? I'm starving.
Monica: Chandler, where are your tools?
Chandler: Are you serious? (they hug)
Ross: I'm just so happy you guys are finally getting a kid.
(Monica and Chandler are looking curiously at Joey.)
Phoebe: What are you gonna name the baby?
Rachel: I know, I know, and you were right Ross. (To Amy) You are soo irresponsible I am never letting you baby-sit ever again!
Chandler: Emma, how old are you? How old are you today? (holds up his index finger again)
Phoebe: Well, you know, if you want fashion help, Rachel and I are going shopping tomorrow. You're more than welcome to come with us, right?
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.]
Monica: Ok, thank you.(the man leaves) Uh, well this is it. Are you OK?
Erica: You're kidding me? I mean, it's enough that you are a doctor. But on top of it, you're married to a reverend?
Phoebe: What are you talking about? Sarah's great!
Phoebe: Well, I still think that it’s a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her! And if you need to, just get an extra plate of fries for the table!