words in movies
{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.}
Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) Okay.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are eating Chinese.]
Ross: Alright, I've gotta go. C'mon, Marcel! C'mon! We're gonna go take a bath. Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are.
[Scene: Joe-G's Pizza, the guys are there.]
Chandler: I can't believe we are even having this discussion.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a soap opera.]
Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door)
[Cut to a hallway in the building, Monica and Phoebe are knocking on a door. Mr. Heckles emerges.]
Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?
Luisa: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green!
(Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment)
Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot.
Monica: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after him. Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay?
Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!
Ross: Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon. (Marcel starts to go to him)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler are looking through Monica's high school yearbook]
Rachel: What are you talking about?! Mindy, the guy is the devil! He's Satan in a smock!
Ross: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldnt be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monicas older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What? Im-Im-Im serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) ComeHey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? Im-Im not kidding here!
Chandler: Okay, there are no famous Joeys. Except for, huh, Joey Buttafucco.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
[Scene: Joannas office, Joanna and Chandler are making out on her chair. Chandler isnt wearing any pants.]
Carol: Oh my God, you are so paranoid!
[Scene: Joshuas parents apartment, Rachel and Joshua are entering.]
Joshua: Mom, Dad, what are you guys doing here?
Chandler: Y'know, I can't believe I'm getting my nails done! And you said it was gonna be fun! (pause) Which it kinda is. Also, you said there would be other guys here. There are no other guys here!
Rachel: (starts laughing, Ross stares at her) Im sorry. Im sorry. Youre right, you are a tough guy. Youre the toughest palaeontologist I know.
Joey: No way are you cool enough to pull of Clint.
Phoebe: All right, so, what are we supposed to call you?
Joey: Are you kidding? I love that guy! (Starts singing) Mornings here! Morning is here
(Rachel slams shut her window and storms into the living room, where Joey and Monica are eating breakfast.)
[Scene: Rosss bedroom; Ross and Emily are making out. Ross as a new feature.]
Joey: Uhh, Pheebs, those are uh, those are Santa pants.
Rachel: SoHey, Pheebs! So, how are the elves?
Phoebe: (reading from her book) Mon (Pause as she restarts) Marcia and Chester are planning on seeing a movie on Sunday night. Marcia thinks theyre supposed to meet at six, Chester thinks its at seven.
Joey: (examining the tickets) Oh my God! Those are almost right on the floor!
Chandler: Are you serious?
Rachel: Oh, come on! We know what these are worth.
Ross: I like it, and Emily likes it, and thats what counts. So uh, how are you guys doing?
Chandler: So what are you going to do?
Chandler: Are you serious?
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
Phoebe: Hey, so? Are you gonna do it?
Monica: So are you ever gonna tell whoever it is?
Phoebe: Ooh, this is so exciting! Ooh, God, what are you going to bet?
Phoebe: Yeah! Here! (She grabs a deck out of her purse) Oh no, these are the trick deck. Okay. Here yes. Okay.
Emily: You are mad!
Rachel: The logic is, that there are two of us and we are both strong enough to break a chair in half!
Emily: My parents are going to be really mad.
Ross: Is thatare you saying yes? Is that yes?
[Scene: The hallway, Joey and Chandler are coming back from the game.]
Chandler: We are switching back, right now!
[Time lapse. The guys are entering their apartment.]
Monica: Men are such idiots.
Phoebe: Nuh-uh! Theyre maternity pants. They even came with a list of baby names. (Pulls out a sheet of paper which lists whos been naughty and whos been nice.) See, these names are good, and these names are bad. (Finally, she figures it out.) Ohh.
Phoebe: What? Oh, are you pregnant too?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she shouldve done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.]
Ross: Thats a good point. So uh, how long are you gonna punish him?
Chandler: Are you kidding me?! Joey. Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey!!
Rachel: Okay, but Ross, eventually you and I are gonna be dating.
Chandler: Janice! There you are! There you are! I had to have one last kiss, and also-also you said that you were going to leave right after I got on the plane!
Rachel: You are right there with Emily. And its yknow, its kinda like . its a tie! Well, I gotta get, I gotta get back to the dishes.
Phoebe: Yeah, but yknow, about have of these are gonna end up getting divorced.
Monica: Are you alone?
Chandler: Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think thats, I think thats really cool.
Ross: So, what are you guys doing four weeks from today?
Phoebe: Well, I, I like the idea of naming him after someone I love, and Joey and Chandler are great names. (They both stare at her.) But, all right, I dontmaybe Ill just name him The Hulk.
Ross: Great! Because Emily and I are getting married in a month!
Monica: What-what are you doing? Is this supposed to be funny?
Chandler: So uh, what are you in for?
Phoebe: Yeah, I think we are.
Ross: Really?! We are?
Monica: Well, are you asleep right now, Joe? Cause I dont think you have to wear it unless you are!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are sitting and talking.]
Phoebe: But that woman can't know I work here. She's a friend of mine and I made this big stink about how awful this massage chains are.
Joey: Yeah we are!
Dana: Im sorry Chandler, yknow you are such a sweet guy and I, I dont want to hurt you. Oh, I wish there was something I can do to make you feel better.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are finishing up some cookies.]
Phoebe: Look Eric, turn around. (He does so.) Look, I like you, but it shouldnt be this hard. Yknow? This is our first date yknow? First dates are supposed to be about excitement and electricity and Ooh, he just touched my hand, did he mean to touch my hand? and yknow first kisses and (He kisses her) second kisses. (Motions for him to kiss her again which he does and they start to make out.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are talking about passion.]
Rachel: Cause I am really happy about us. I think we are, I think we are so on the right track! Yknow? I mean, I think we are working, I think we are clicking. Yknow?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are arguing.]
[Cut to inside, Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
Ross: Yeah, oh hey, you are right on time.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters carrying a drum.]
Monica: Wow! And you got a petticure. Your feet are all dressed up.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are opening their invitations.]
Joey: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!
PHOEBE: Ooh, this is it, 74. [screeches to a halt, Joey and Chandler are thrown into the plexiglass wall in the cab]
(Phoebe hides her eyes in shame. Rachel is starring at them wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Joey and Ross are stunned to temporary silence.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are finally breaking up for good, or is it?]
Rachel: Y'know I cant believe I even thought about getting back together again! We are so over!!
Chandler: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
Mr. Geller: (going downstairs) Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shiningOh no. (Chip has shown up and the four are leaving.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are there as Ross enters.]
(Rachel, Ross and Phoebe have their hands full and are stuffing all kinds of things down Joeys pants.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Joey: No, I don't think it's just about just getting a girlfriend. Y'know? I mean, yeah, I can get a girlfriend! Yeah, we could sit in the chair and do crosswords, but y'know are we ever going to have y'know the closeness like-like you guys have?
Joey: Are you strippers?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are talking over party plans.]
Chandler: (entering) Hey guys, what are you doing?
Rachel: Oh my God! We are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever!
Ross: Hey-hey, what are those?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are reading a book about things to do whilst in London.]
The Stripper: Ohhh, look at the little birdies! Are those yours?
The Stripper: You are really good at that. So uh, I had fun tonight, you throw one hell of a party.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is entering, Monica and Rachel are talking on the couch.]
Monica: Wow, you seem to be doing so much better. Thats great. So how-how are things going?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is stressing out about something.]
Ross: So what, Joey? Wh-wh-what? What are you telling me? That theres nothing we can do? Well, how could this happen?!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the guys are now trying to figure out what next to do, since their plan with the stripper backfired on them.]
Mrs. Geller: Ahh, are you hadsome.
Joey: Are you bachelors?
Phoebe: They are gonna love me.
Rachel: And yknow what else, oh my God, are they gonna love you.
Phoebe: Got cha again, you guys are so easy.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the guys are teaching the girls how to play poker.]