words in movies
{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.}
Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) Okay.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are eating Chinese.]
Ross: Alright, I've gotta go. C'mon, Marcel! C'mon! We're gonna go take a bath. Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are.
[Scene: Joe-G's Pizza, the guys are there.]
Chandler: I can't believe we are even having this discussion.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a soap opera.]
Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door)
[Cut to a hallway in the building, Monica and Phoebe are knocking on a door. Mr. Heckles emerges.]
Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?
Luisa: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green!
(Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment)
Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot.
Monica: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after him. Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay?
Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!
Ross: Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon. (Marcel starts to go to him)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler are looking through Monica's high school yearbook]
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
Phoebe: So, um, are you gonna call him?
Rachel: Yeah well, not anymore I can't. He fired us! What are we gonna do? We have to find a pediatrician. Wait wait, Monica said that when you guys were growing up, you really liked your doctor. What was his name?
JOEY: I don't need to think about it. I was Dr. Drake Remoray. That was huge. Big things are gonna happen, you'll see. Ross, you still there?
Guys: Hockey! (They go to leave but are blocked by three of Rachel's friends, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne. The guys pause to stare at them.) Hockey! Hockey. (The guys.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there. Monica is just finishing cleaning the windows.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are sitting at a table. Rachel is working. Monica and Phoebe enter.]
Rachel: Hi! How are you?
Ross: No, women are welcome to play.
Ross: You are way off, pal.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe are there.]
[Scene: Ross' apartment. Chandler and Joey are there. Ross enters with a pizza.]
Ross: You are not putting that on again! Marcel, OKif you press that button, you are in very, very big trouble.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Ross are there.]
Monica: Excuse me, where are you going?
Ross: Marcel! Where are you going with that disc?
Rachel: Oh, you are losing. Definitely losing. (phone rings)
Ross: Look, Rachel, this is poker. I play to win, alright? In order for me to win, other people have to lose. So if you're gonna play poker with me, don't expect me to be a 'nice guy,' OK? Cause once those cards are dealt... (claps hands three times)
Ross: Oh God. Y'know, botanists are such geeks.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Monica, and Joey are playing Monopoly.]
Joey: Oh yeah, lava spewing, hot ash, of course some are dormant.
Ross: (goes over to Julio) Come here, here, come here, come here, (pause) Mrs. Buffay. Sorry, about what I said, umm, it was, it was insensitive of me to say that you were just a cat. When clearly you are also the reincarnated spirit, of my friends mother.
Chandler: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? (The girls make disgusted noises.) It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem? (To the guys) I'm right, right?
Rachel: Are you, are you, are you sure its ah, a new bump? I mean, no offense, Ive always thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy headed child.
Monica: I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one of you people.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel's surprise party. The apartment is festooned with cups. There are cups everywhere! Cup centerpiece, cup garland, etc., etc]
Chandler: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that.
Chandler: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: Where are you going?
Rachel: Uh... Oh, Mindy, you are so stupid. Oh, we are both so stupid.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword, Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at his phone.]
Ursula: Right, yeah, cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
Rachel: Uh, we are here to break up with you.
Rachel: Uh- which one of us are you talking to there, Barr?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: What are you doing here?
Rachel: Oh, Monica. You are not still going over that thing.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are discussing stage names.]
Phoebe: What are you doing?
[Scene: A Tap Class, the girls are standing at the door.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Young Ethan are sitting in the couch.]
Phoebe: Okay. And, my, dead, mother, says, you, are, it. I'm with Rachel.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Paolo are at the window. Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly.]
Katie: Aww, like I could hurt you. Are you making fun of my size? Don't make fun of me because of my size! (She punches him again and almost knocks him off the arm of the couch.)
[Scene: Central Perk, scene continued from earlier. They guys are sitting there like the Three Monkeys.]
[Time lapse. They are now in Monica's bedroom, on the bed.]
Young Ethan: Well, if that's what you kids are calling it these days then, yes I am. I uh, I've kinda been waiting for the right person.
Monica: But I figured, you know, that shouldn't change anything. I mean, what the hell does it matter how old we are.
Ross: Are you not seeing him anymore?
Rachel: Where are you going?
Phoebe: Well, then you should come tonight. You know, just hang out with them. Let them see what a great guy you still are.
[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are taking a break from work.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch reading.]
Monica: Are you a virgin?
Ross: Are you're hands still wet?
Chandler: Listen Phoebe, hes right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.
Rachel: You are. Well, um... We, we, we were just... Wow!
Ross: What are you doing? We're going to a hospital.
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Phoebe is playing a song. Chandler, Monica, and Ross are there as well.]
Phoebe: Hey, hey, ok, all right, that's it! Get in here. Come on. My god, you guys, I don't believe you. There are children coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should be hearing. So just stop all the yelling, just stop it!
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]
Carol: Are they here yet?
[Scene: Carol's room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau are there with her.]
Rachel: No, honey, they're not, but don't worry, because we are going to find them, and until we do, we are all here for you, ok?
Rachel: (anxiously) No, no, not at the moment, no, I'm not. Are you?
Carol: Where are they?
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
Ross: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?
Dr. Franzblau: I don't know, could be an hour, could be three, but relax, she's doing great. So, uh, tell me, are you currently involved with anyone?
Phoebe: (laughing) You are just nonstop!
Chandler: (in a deep voice) Men are here.
Phoebe: So how are things going with you two? Is she becoming your (provocatively) special someone?
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]
Phoebe: Nuh-uh. I don't think any of our lives are ever gonna be the same ever again.
Melanie: Oooh, I gotta tell you... you are nothing like I thought you would be.
[Scene: Joey's Bedroom, he and Melanie are in bed together.]
Monica: Then why the hell are you dumping my brother?!?
Monica: Uh, so, uh, Rach, uh... do you wanna save this wrapping paper, I mean, it's only a little bit torn... so are you gonna go for it with Ross or should I just throw it out?
Joey: What, are you crazy? When a blind man gets his sight back, does he walk around like this? (Joey closes his eyes and walks around with arms spread.)
Chandler: No, actually I meant my fingers. Look at 'em, look at how happy they are.
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
Rachel: Oh, there you are! Hi! Oh, so, so, how was China, you? (Hits him with the flowers.)
Rachel: These are, these aren't for you. (to Julie) These are for you. (Loudly, thinking she can't speak English.) Welcome to our country.
(There's a lot of yelling and screaming coming from the hallway, and they get up to look at what's the noise all about. In the hallway, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe are having another wind-up animal race, yelling and screaming fanatically.)
Ross: Ironically, these are the guys who were picked last in gym.
Chandler: Whoa! And this manchild has no problem with how old you are?
Phoebe: I know I'm not, but you are, and I was trying to spare your feelings.
Ross: Hey, Paulo. What are you doing here?
Chandler: Are you sure he's gonna be able to crack that code?
Phoebe: All right. (Talking to Monica's hair.) Now some of you are gonna get cut, and some of you aren't. But I promise none of you are gonna feel a thing.
Joey: Look, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts.
Rachel: (sticking her head in from the balcony) Wait, are you leaving?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
Ross: (following them into the kitchen) What are you guys doing?
Chandler: I know, I know, but youre gonna have plenty of chances. There are literally thousands of women out there just waiting to screw me over.
Ross: (loudly) Why?! Are there like bears or something?! (Looks around and then sees that Elizabeth is shaking her head no and realizes what Elizabeth meant.) Ohh. Oh, protection. Yeah-no, yeah-no, that-that-that I forgot.