words in movies
Phoebe: Oh, just think... she's gonna be watching that video on a TV that hasn't even been invented yet! With friends who right now are just like babies! And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built to escape the ant people!
Monica: Are you freaking kidding me, Green?
Jack: Which one are you?
Chandler: I know, what are we gonna do?
Rachel: Well, this sounds like fun! Well, you know what? Actually? People are getting a little antsy waiting Emma to wake up from her nap, so would you mind performing them once now?
Rachel: (to everybody) All right, let’s get this party started, huh? Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform a little something for us.
Phoebe: (to Joey) Are you gonna be embarrassed going up there having nothing prepared?
Rachel: So, Joey, what are you gonna do for us?
Rachel: Ross, what are you talking about? (she sees the cake) oh! Oh my God! They put my baby’s face on a penis!
(Ross, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen area)
Chandler: Hi Emma! It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?
Ross: (Into receiver) Hello? (listens) Oh no! What happened? (listens some more) Ok ok, where are you? (Grabs a pen and starts writing). Ok, I'll be right there. (Puts the phone down)
Ross: No, wait ! You guys, no, no, you can't leave! Rachel already feels bad that the cake's messed up. How do you think she's gonna feel when she comes back here and all you guys are gone?
Chandler: (Yelling) What are you doing? Get the hell out of here! (Phoebe and Joey come out looking shocked)
Monica: (to the dog) What are you barking at?
Rachel: Oh, why do you even bother? I already ruined her first birthday... And do you know how important these early experiences are Ross? Very! According to the back cover of that book that you gave me.
[ Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment. Chandler, Monica and Emma are sitting on the floor, and Emma's stuffed animals are lined up in front of them.]
Monica: That's how old you are.
Phoebe: Hey, are Ross and Rachel back?
Chandler: Emma, how old are you? How old are you today? (holds up his index finger again)
Ross: What's wrong? Are you okay?
Rachel: Oh yeah, nothing! These are happy tears! This is just what I wanted.
[Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment. It's just Ross and Rachel. They put the camera on a tripod in the kitchen and they are standing in front of the camera.]
(There's a lot of yelling and screaming coming from the hallway, and they get up to look at what's the noise all about. In the hallway, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe are having another wind-up animal race, yelling and screaming fanatically.)
Joey: I should know that. Lets see, just one moment please. Umm, here we are, a Wicked Wango card determines whether you go higher or lower.
Rachel: (laughs) Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? I mean that aint a pretty picture in the morning, yknow what I mean. That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung over the night stand, y'know.
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
[cut to Joeys bedroom, Joey and Kate are emerging from under the covers.]
RACH: [to Monica] Is that him again? Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighin' me down.
Rachel: Horny bitch. (They both look at her, pretending that the dinosaurs shes holding are arguing.) No! Youre a horny bitch! Noooo! Youre the horny bitch! No! Youre a horny bitch!
(Ross appears at the window behind them crouched behind a garbage can and ready to spring his attack on who he thinks are Phoebe and Rachel. The camera cuts to the exterior view and Phoebe and Rachel call the shots from inside.)
(Surprised, uttering Ahhs and Ohhs, the others are coming over to him.)
RICHARD: My parents are dead.
(Chandler and Monica's, all three of them are listening at the wall to Ross and Charlie's)
Phoebe: Uh, only if you have the hiccups too. Yeah, the pictures are for you, the water and the chocolate is for me. I just didnt feel like getting up. Okay, Im gonna show you a picture of Ross. Okay? And youre going to remember all of the bad things about him. All right? Really focus on his flaws.
{Transcibers note: In case youre wondering, and I know you are. Their names are all back to normal. Just in a slightly smaller font than usual to allow Courteney Cox Arquette to fit on one line and not be smaller than the rest of their names. Now, on with the show }
Katie: Listen, to be honest, home deliveries are really a part of my job description.
[the bullies grab the back of the couch that Ross and Chandler are sitting in and tip back]
[Scene: An aircraft cabin, Ross and Rachel are on their way to Vegas.]
[Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe has adorned her bucket with numerous signs. Like "We are not a urinal!" and "I have no Macys info." And other stuff like that. She also has a scowl on her face as she is ringing her bell. A little old lady walks up to make a donation but Phoebe stops her.]
[Scene: The World Premiere of Over There, Joey and Chandler are arriving in a limo and are about to walk down the red carpet.]
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R means your!
RICHARD: Are you remaking the bed?
{Transcibers note: In case you havent heard, Courteney Cox got married to David Arquette during hiatus and changed her name to Courteney Cox Arquette. But David was a busy boy during the off season for not only did he marry but everyone else as well. For theyre all listed as Jennifer Aniston Arquette, Lisa Kudrow Arquette, in an interesting twist Matt LeBlanc Arquette, Matthew Perry Arquette, David Schwimmer Arquette, and even the creators of the show are now David Crane Arquette and Marta Kauffman Arquette. I just wonder what the new sleeping arrangements are }
Woman: Well, I dont know. Are you a masseur?
JOEY: No no, seriously, Chandler and I were just talkin about this. He is so much cooler than our dads. [Chandler starts kicking him below the table] I mean, you know, our dad's are ok, ya know, but Richard is just- ow, ow. What are you kickin me for? Huh? I'm tryin to talk here.
Ross: And that's just the herbivores. I'm not even gonna discuss the carnivores, their heads are already too big. Which is ironic considering their stunted cerebral development.
Phoebe: Be cool! (They both pretend to have a nice conversation as the guard walks by, but after he leaves they both start fighting again.) Okay lady, your lurking days are over!
[Time Lapse, Ross and the woman are now in a state of partial undress and are standing in front of the head librarian with two security guards watching them.]
Joey: Oh my God! I cannot believe you guys are talking about this! The problems in the bedroom are between the man and the woman!!! All right?!! Now Chandler is doing the best he can!!
Monica: Am I on fire today or what?! Those birds are browned, basted, and ready to be carved!
Phoebe: Monica, can I talk to you behind my menu, please. (Behind the menu) What are you doing?
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe and Rachel are waiting for the cute guy to show up for his cell phone. Rachel is putting on perfume by spraying it ahead of her face, and moving into it. Phoebe tries to steal some.]
Chandler: (on machine) Youve reached Monica and Chandlers, if youre listening to this message, were probably screening. (to himself) Yeah we are.
Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?
[Scene: The theater. Monica, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the first line]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and the girls are playing twister.]
PHOEBE: Ya-huh, all the time, cause they are the lightning bearers.
Ross: What? Are you going back to work?
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, well your friends are in violation of it. Ive been a nice guy up until now, but uh, I dont need this grief. Im gonna call the landlord and tell him that Monica is illegally subletting here grandmothers apartment. Your friends are outta here pal.
Ross: See, there are still several areas that haven't been fully excavated.
Rachel: Uh, yeah, well, see, he Joey knows, that I'm-I'm very insecure about my back and, and you're hugging me, so obviously you are not repulsed by it, yeah!
Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.
[Scene: Chandler's Office in Tulsa, in the conference room. Chandler's staff/co-workers are sitting round the table; Chandler is walking around, when he notices a piece of paper attached to the back of his chair.]
Chandler: (entering) Oh good, okay, I can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore. So you win, okay? Here! (Hands him the 50 bucks he's about to owe him.) Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggile Rock?! (He sits down and sighs in relief.)
Janice: Ooh, that decides it then. I was on the fence. But knowing that you two would be our neighbors? Ah! now we have to get it! (Chandler and Monica are utterly shocked) Ellen, we're going to talk numbers. (Grabs Ellen by her elbow and pulls her outside)
Sandy: Actually studies have shown that the movement and colours help their cerebral development... The whimsical characters are just for us. (He winks to Joey and Rachel. Ross's face says he disapproves. Joey sees that and kind of angrily says...)
Erica: Oh, sure. Yeah, well, he was my high school boyfriend. Captain of the football team, really cute and he got a scholarship and went off to college. (Monica and Chandler are smiling from ear to ear)
Phoebe: (To Joey) You are unbelievable! I spent so much time finding the perfect girl for you, you know. Mary Ellen is really smart and cute and loose.
The Head Librarian: We are aware of the problem you are referring too. (He turns to look at the previous librarian.) But as far as increasing security, Im afraid the library is very understaffed. I, I cant help you.
[Scene: Chandlers and Monicas apartment, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table making potpourri sachets.]
(Ross opens the door and steps into the living room. He has fully removed his pants and holds them wrapped into a ball in front of his crotch. His legs are covered in the powder and lotion paste. He looks terrible.)
Rachel: (motioning to a rack) So now, these are all the tuxedos that we make and if theres anything that you like, we can make you a deal. Anything at all. (Grabs a few) But these are the three that Monica pre-approved.
RACHEL: Now I'm mommy in this little play? Alright look, I refuse to get sucked into this like, weird little Geller dimension thing OK. So I'm gonna go and take a nice long hot bubble bath because you kids are driving me crazy. [goes in the bathroom]
RACHEL: Why? Who's not having. . . Are you and Julie not, are, are you and, are you and Julie not having sex?
Chandler: Can I come a little bit closer, valuable things are getting squished...
Rachel: No, it's all right, you can just drop the act Tommy. I know what's going on here. Your Danny's wingman right? You guys are best buds. Frat bros!
Rachel: So? You guys are all sleep deprived. I dont see you weeping because you put your slippers on the wrong feet. Oh God. (Starts to cry harder.)
Phoebe: Wow! Five-month maternity leave, you're back for four days, kiss a co-worker, call in sick, they are lucky to have you!!
[Scene: Petes office, he is participating in a conference call with three other employees, each of whom are on a different TV screen that he controls with a remote.]
Chandler: Are you kidding? If I wasn't married she'd be rejecting me right now.
Chandler: Now Monica, I know youre upset, but dont forget. There is going to be a wedding, you are going to throw the bouquet, and then theres going to be a honeymoon, maybe in Paris.
Paul: Oh Rachel, Im so sorry. I didnt mean to overwhelm you. Its just that, when those gates open, you (Starts to breakdown.) Hard to close em. But they are closed now. Believe me.
CHANDLER: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? [Joey doesn't respond] Wow, you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey, whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say? [Throws a basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and the ball takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
Joey: All rightoh! Listen, I know this is your party, but Id really like to the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there.
Rachel: Okay, you are crazy! I'm sorry, but she sounded generally upset! I mean, listen! (She hits a button on the machine.)
Monica: I think the things that you said about me are really unfair, and I would like for you to give my bouillabaisse another chance.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Hyper-competitive Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are still playing catch. Monica is finally tiring while the rest of them are totally exhausted and virtually asleep.]
(Okays, and good byes are exchanged all around.)
Chandler: Because weddings are a great place to meet women, and when I dance, I look like this (Starts to dancing really, really, really badly. Ross enters behind him and he stops.)
Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.
[Scene: The smoker's balcony, Kim and Nancy are cheating and are caught by Rachel.]
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are eating spaghetti in the living room while watching TV and Rachel drops some on the floor.]
[Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the table, looking at the Geller siblings like theyre weirdos.]
Rachel: Yes your honor, and here are, are forms, all filled out.
Rachel: Okay, okay. Umm, well ah, maybe he, maybe he feels awkward because you are my boss.
(The front entrance. Joey and the bridesmaid are up against the wall kissing. Rachel comes in the door and walks by Joey unnoticed. She walks into the chapel and sees Ross and Emily kissing. She looks as though she wants to cry. Emily walks away and Ross turns and sees Rachel standing there.)
ROSS: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight. RACHEL: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight. [they kiss] ROSS: You're not laughing. RACHEL: This time it's not so funny. [They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.] RACHEL: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK. ROSS: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box. RACHEL: Oh, thank God. [Scene: Museum of Natural History. The next morning Rachel and Ross are sleeping in the display under a fur.] ROSS: Hi. RACHEL: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you. ROSS: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah. RACHEL: What? ROSS: We're not alone. [A church youth group is outside the display watching them] CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are still in their chairs, watching Beavis and Butthead.] [they're laughing along with the show when an alarm goes off] JOEY: Is that the fire alarm? CHANDLER: Yeah. [feels the floor] Oh it's not warm yet, we still have time. JOEY: Cool.
Chandler: No-no all kids are embarrassed by their parents, youd have to come up with a whole new word for what I went through. When I was in High School, he used to come to all of my swim meets dressed as a different Hollywood starlet. Yknow its hard enough to be fourteen. Youre skinny. Youre wearing speedoesThat your mom promised that you would grow into! And you look up into the stands and theres your dad cheering you on dressed as Carmen Miranda. We was wearing a headdress with real fruit that he will later hand out to your friends as a healthy snack!
The Cooking Teacher: If youre a professional chef, what are you doing taking Introduction to Cooking?
Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. May the happiness we share with them today be with them always. Now Emily, repeat after me. I, Emily...
PHOEBE: [singing] Sometimes men love women, sometimes men love men, and then there are bisexuals, though some just say they're kidding themselves. la la-la-la la-la-la-la-la-la-la...
Joey: Yeah. And speaking of volcanoes, man are they a violent igneous rock formation.
(They all slowly turn around to reveal that they are giving themselves a facial.)
[Scene: Outside the Janitors Closet, there are people having sex and Mr. Geller is trying to give them some pamphlets.]
Chandler: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I learn? (he taps the results and reads them) "You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation."
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon (the original, not that cruddy Urge Overkill version) is playing. Ross and Celia are kissing passionately.]
Ross: Remember the Russian satellite, Sputnik? (They all look at him.) Well, Im a potato or a spud. And these are my antennae. (Points to the colander with an old TV antenna glued on top that hes wearing.) So Sputnik, becomes (Theyre still confused) Spud-nik. Spudnik!
RTST: It's like I'm lookin' in a mirror. Anyway, they're called "fishtachios". They taste exactly like pistachios, but they're made primarily of reconstituted fish bits. Here, try one. You're not allergic to anything, are you?
Dr. Green: Come on! Youre just titling! (to Ross) Her legs are fine!
Joey: Are you kidding? Rachel loves to shop! And she has great taste! Yeah, she's the one who taught me, you don't wear white after labour day and that you always, always, always have to put on underwear when you're trying on clothes.
Chandler: Honey, it is not a date! I havent talked to her in ten years! You cant just call up somebody you havent talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor. There are rules, yknow? You gotta, you got to put in some time.
[Scene: Moondance Diner. Ross, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are sitting at the counter, Monica is working. Monica is wearing her costume, including big fake breasts.]
[Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are working.]
Chandler: Stretchy pants! Why, those are the greatest things in the world! If I were you I would wear them every day, every day!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Mrs. Geller: ...No. I think some things are better left unsaid. I think it's nicer when people just get along.
Monica: Are you kidding? This is where they get out stains! Okay? This is like Disneyland for me. Im-Im gonna be over here watching the dance of the clean shirts. (She points to and walks over to the electric clothes rack they have.)
(Phoebe then gets possessed 'cause she starts speaking in tongues. She speaks Italian to Joey's grandmother. She is quickly exorcised and returns to speaking in English. Of course, too most people English is a strange language as well. But none of them are probably reading this and if they were they wouldn't understand it. So why am I talking about them? I have absolutely no clue. Moving on )
Chandler: Nope, hymn 253, His Eyes Are On The Sparrow! When my parents got divorced is when I started using humour as a defence mechanism. (answers the door and its Rachel again.)
Joey: Not like we used to. Remember? You and me used to be inseparable. Yknow now its like things are different.
Joey: All right, well first of all I would like to say that you both performed very well. Okay? You should be proud of yourselves. And-and I would also like to say that in this competition there are no losers. Well, except for RachelDamnit!
Chandler: Actuary... no. Book-keeper... no. Topless dancer... (he looks down on himself, checking, then nods satisfied and marks the offer with a pen) (to Monica:) Hey, d'you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner. *You* are the head of the household. I don't do anything - I'm a kept man!
Mrs. Geller: (stopping him) Dont get up Jack! The safety pins are about to blow.