words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse. Phoebe is now looking at the covers of two different books.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is at the counter drinking coffee as Elizabeth enters with her dad, Paul. Elizabeth goes to kiss Ross, but he just kisses her on the forehead. By the way Paul is played by Bruce Willis. Yes, that Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, Die Hard, and Armageddon.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is working on her book at the kitchen table, Monica is on the couch, and Chandler is entering from the bathroom carrying a package of toilet paper.]
Paul: Well maybe you can date him then that would save me the trouble of killing him. (Rachel laughs then starts looking at him.) Are you okay?
Ross: You were at the coffeehouse!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Joey is telling everyone about his impending termination at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Joey: Okay! (He yanks his hand away.) All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! (He grabs C.H.E.E.S.E.s arm and pulls it off at the elbow.) Ah-ah!! (Wayne is shocked.) Okay, thats why you didnt want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? (Hands Wayne the arm and he goes to fix it. Meanwhile Joey starts to berate himself.) Stupid! I cant believe it! God! (A very beautiful woman walks by.) (To her) Hey, how you doin? (He and her go over to talk and Wayne looks on with envy.)
Paul: So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom.
Paul: And anyhow, Im sorry I was so harsh before, but you have to understand that I (pause) still look at Lizzie like shes a twelve-year-old girl.
Monica: Chandler, we said we would meet at the coffeehouse at six.
Chandler: The only way that I said six would be if the sevens, let meet at seven, not at six.
Phoebe: (reading from her book) Mon (Pause as she restarts) Marcia and Chester are planning on seeing a movie on Sunday night. Marcia thinks theyre supposed to meet at six, Chester thinks its at seven.
Phoebe: (writing in her book) Marcia and Chester are mad at Phyllis.
Rachel: Now wait a minute thats not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didnt tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)
Paul: Are you yelling at me?!
Paul: Wow. What can I say? (Pause, pointing at Ross) This doesnt make me like you any better!
(The camera cuts to Wayne whos busy making out with Sarah and rubbing C.H.E.E.S.E.s controller on her back causing C.H.E.E.S.E. to go crazy. Joey starts throwing books at C.H.E.E.S.E. to get him to stop.)
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Chandler: (looks at what she's holding and shies away) Oh dear God, they gave us glasses!
Frank: Cause it just sorta happened, yknow we were at the courthouse, we were having lunch
Chandler: Oh! Look at that, time's up! My turn!
Chandler: Okay. It's not different at all, is it?
Monica: Gunther, can I get a coffee (Looks at Chandler) to go?
Monica: You don't know everything. Did you know that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you? Hmm? And did you know that the only baby around here is you?! And did you know that I can't even look at you right now?! (She storms out.)
Rachel: Well, I was actuallyI-I came over here to-to borrow this lamp. To umm, look at my books, y'know, see them a little better.
Rachel: Look at that!
(Ross turns and glares at Phoebe.)
Dr. Long: (looks at her beeping pager) Oh, Ill be right back. And, uh, I know its really not my place, but please dont name your child Phoebo.
(Steve goes over to look at Ross who's trying to look cool, but has some frosting on his lip.)
Rachel: Ohhhh, I cannot look at it! (She doesn't move.)
(She looks at Rachel and storms out. After she's left Joey hugs Rachel in thanks.)
Chandler: Yeah I know, but I was really confused and then I talked to these guys. (Turns to look at Ross and Joey.)
Joey: That's not funny at all!
Ross: How weird is that? Yknow? Youre moving in with me and have the one thing I dont have. Its like uh, in a way you-you complete me (Phoebe glares at him) kitchen.
Rachel: (looking at the bill) Uhh, we still need a tip.
Joey: (looks at her) Not really.
(He starts staring at her longingly.)
Chandler: (looking at the sketch) Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.
Ross: This is fun. Hey Rach, remember that whole "We were on a break thing?" Well, I'm sorry, will you marry me? (Laughs--whines as he sees that no one is laughing. They're just staring at him in shock.)
PHOEBE: Yes that's right. But still, I-, look at your purse, look at your sweater, look at yourselves.
Monica: Well sure! I'm just wearing sweats! (Looking at Chandler and slowly realizing what his point is.) But that's good that you're not in love with me, because you just want a girlfriend!
Cop: Yeah. Ever since you flashed my badge at me, I kinda can't stop thinking about you. You're the prettiest, fake undercover whore I've ever seen.
Phoebe: Yeah, we'll talk at dinner.
Gary: Not as impressive as you. I gotta tell you, I looked at your record and you've done some pretty weird stuff.
Rachel: Well, I have a job interview at Ralph Lauren tomorrow!
Monica: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the window waving at Ross.]
Ross: Well, you know what? While we're waiting, you guys could tape your message to Emma for her 18th birthday, huh? (takes the camcorder and points it at Monica and Chandler) Ok!
ROSS: Not at all! I love this guy. Hey, I was so psyched to hear you're back with my sister!
PHOEBE: Oh! I can't believe it. I can't believe this. We're just like, sitting at home, trying to guess Joey's fingers, and you guys are out like partying and having fun, and you know, all, "hey, Blowfish, suck on my neck".
Ross: (on phone) No-no-no, thats great! Ill be there Monday. And thank you again! (Listens) Okay. (Hangs up) (To All) Umm, that was the head of the Paleontology department at N uh, Y, uh U!
(Joey is bent over at the waist and is looking for something under Monica's bed.)
Phoebe: But it's just so unfair that our date has to get cut short just 'cause some guy shot at a store clerk.
Chandler: I gotta check out this hot girl! (He heads to the window but realizes something, stops, turns and points at Monica.) There she is! (He dances over to her and kisses her.)
Ross: Yes. I lived with you guys for a while and then I found this place. (Joey just stares at him) I'm Ross.
(For the first time we see that the woman Ross is talking too is in fact the hot girl that Joey is looking for. She just kinda stares at him.)
Monica: Phoebe and Gary are so gonna hear about this at dinner.
Rachel: Zelner! Right! I knew that! I really, really want this job and I think, I think I would be really good at it.
ROSS: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones. Yeah, yeah. [Monica comes out of her room] Oh, were you takin' a nap?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting at the bar, in their bathrobes, eating cereal]
Chandler: Hey Rach, now that you're working at Ralph Lauren, can you bring me back some of those polo shirts?
Phoebe: You apologize to the tree right now or I am calling for backup. (The woman calls her bluff.) (Screaming at no one in particular) Backup! Backup!!
Joey: I look more like him than you do! (He winks at Carol.)
Monica: Makes me wanna puke! (Chandler looks at her, quizzically.)
Kim: (at the door) Rachel? Do you smoke?
Phoebe: Oh, look at that.
Monica: Wait a minute, I can get ice at the restaurant
Joey: At least I care about his feelings!
Joey: How's that different? (She looks at him until he gets it.) Oh! Yeah!
Chandler: Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door. (Points at the door.)
Rachel: That sounds great! Id love to live at Warrens!! I love Warren! Thank you!
Phoebe: Well, same thing we did all day, hang out at Gary's apartment. He is so amazing, we never left the bedroom. But have fun at the movie.
Rachel: Wow! This is great! Look at all these cups! This is so weird.
(Everyone stops and looks at Chandler, who's nodding.)
(He closes the door and turns to see Ross glaring at him.)
(Ross looks at Rachel.)
Ross: Well, I-I was watching her the other day at the pizza place.
Chandler: I'm sorry, I thought you were Joey's other grandmother. (She just stares at him.) I've done it again.
(Kim exhales and Chandler stares at it longingly.)
Phoebe: Wait, no, look at this! (Points to one.) (Reading) "Two bedroom, two bath, must be non-smoker, Satan worshipers okay " Oh, yeah, but its on the ground floor.
Phoebe: Oh. (She starts laughing. Then she throws the badge at him and runs away.)
Phoebe: I guess so. (See, the brief possession didn't affect her at all, like we could really tell.)
Joey: Okay. Im Chandler (makes a growling/gurgling sound at the end and the girls laugh.)
Monica: Guys, hurry up! The flight leaves in four hours! It could take time to get a taxi! There could be traffic! The plane could leave early! When we get to London, there could be a line at customs! Come on!! (She runs back to her apartment.)
Phoebe: (she just looks at him) Why are you being weird?
Monica: Look at you! Come here! (They hug.) Feel better?
Rachel: But y'know, I never really had anything to worry about. Ross was never very good at the flirting thing.
Rachel: Well y'know if you, if you started smoking again you could've at least told me! Come on, give me one of those! What are we talking about?
Rachel: (entering) Hey Ross? Umm, I just ran into Caitlin in the hallway and-and uh, you must be getting better at this flirting stuff than I thought.
Chandler: You couldn't have at least changed your shirt.
Chandler: (looking at them) They look great! Does your boyfriend have the best taste or what?
Ross: What am I looking at?
Ross: (sits down at the table) Oh, eh, just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow. (Joey panics.)
Rachel: Okay, you want me to stop at the ATM?
Monica: Nah, while you're at Ross's if you see any lying around
(Chandler starts laughing at his joke.)
Monica: (angrily) That is exactly why I do not lend you stuff!! (Rachel looks over at Phoebe in resignation.) Okay?! I mean, first it's my jewelry! And if it's not my jewelry, it's-it's my blue sweater! And if it's not my sweater, it's my sunglasses!
(Gary just glares at him.)
Gary: Okay, he sees us. Now don't move. Don't look at him.
(They all turn and look away. Suddenly a loud bang sounds out and in slow motion Joey slowly throws his body over Ross. Gary is shocked at what he sees while Chandler is obviously hurt.)
Chandler: Who jumps at loud noises!
Ross: And somebody took a shot at me!
Ross: (stares at her briefly) Okay, why are you here?
Ross: Hey Pheebs, has Gary ever been shot at for real?
Joey: Yeah, hero sandwiches. (Points at Ross who points back.)
[Cut to Gary and Monica at the counter.]
Chandler: Okay, I'll give them back. (Exhales strongly through his nose and Joey just glares at him.) Look! What is so great about that sandwich?
Monica: He just told me at the counter. He made me promise not to tell, but I couldn't hold it in any longer!
Ross: (looks at his watch) 2:17.
Ross: Wow! We are pretty good at this! Hey! We totally forgot about lunch!
Rachel: Oh, oh, and hey-hey-hey, those little spelling tips will come in handy when youre at home on Saturday nights playing Scrabble with Monica!!
Ross: I know! (Looks at the ball in his hands.) Don't switch hands, okay?
Chandler: Hey ladies! What are you in here for? (Laughs at his joke.)
Monica: No, look, she's obviously unstable, okay? I mean she's thinking about running out on her wedding day. (Rachel slowly turns and glares at her.) (Realizing what she just said.) Okay, fine! But I mean, look at the position she's putting him in! What's he gonna do? Ross is gonna run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage?! I mean, who would do that?! (Rachel again turns and glares at her in disgust.) Okay, fine, all right, but that's y'know, it's different! Although it did involve a lot of the same people.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, and Monica are still playing catch, with Chandler looking on. Joey throws the ball to Monica who catches it and whips it at Ross.]
Monica: Look, if you want you can keep it at our place until you find out what to do with it.
Gary: Nothing at all?