words in movies
Joey: Look, just because I know about you two, doesn't mean I like looking at it.
Chandler: Aren't you supposed to be at an audition for another hour?
Monica: (To Chandler) Rachel's at work.
(She puts her leg up on the chair and removes this huge knife from her boot to open the box with. The guys are shocked at the knife's existence.)
Phoebe: Eeeee-(She opens the box and removes its contents and sees that it's a fur coat.)-ohh!! God! (She throws it at Joey.)
Phoebe: Yeah! Why would my mother send me a fur? Doesn't she know me but at all! Plus, I have a perfectly fine coat that no innocent animal suffered to make!
Chandler: Yeah, just some 9-year-old Filipino kids who worked their fingers bloody for 12 cents an hour. (Phoebe stares at him wide-eyed. Chandler sees her reaction.) That didn't happen, I made that up!
Monica: (looking at the flyer) This is all of your things.
(They both start screaming at the top of their lungs.)
(Rachel grabs the bug bomb, activates it, throws it at the figure, and they both run out through the fog.)
Monica: And he came at us with an axe, so Rachel had to use a bug bomb on him!
Rachel: Oh my God! Oh my God, look at these pelts!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, the gang is helping Ross move out by carrying boxes. Chandler has picked a particularly large and apparently heavy box, because he takes a running start at it and still can't budge it.]
Ross: Unreasonable? How about we have this conversation when one of you guys gets married! You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work! All right, it's about compromise! Do you always like it? No! Do you do it? Yes! Because it's not all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time! It's real life, okay? It's what grown-ups do! (He storms out.)
Phoebe: I think he's right. You guys hang out at the coffeehouse way too much.
(Monica and Chandler turn and stare at him.)
Joey: Well, I'm keeping so many things to myself these days, something was bound to slip out! (He glares at Chandler.)
Phoebe: Are you still mad at us?
Joey: Yeah you see umm, well, I'm an actor. Right? So I gotta keep my emotions right at the surface y'know? See what I'm saying? I gotta lot of balls in the air. (Makes like he's juggling.) Y'know what I mean? It's tough! Guys like me, y'know, you wander around, you're alone
Monica: Hey, look at you! Where have you been?
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
Monica: Oh, sweetie. Oh, look at you. You're shivering.
[Scene: A curbside newsstand, Phoebe is whistling and walking up to it wearing her fur coat. She stops and starts to look through a magazine and notices a squirrel on a nearby tree chirping at her.]
Phoebe: (to the squirrel) Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! (The squirrel stares at her.) All right, fine, now I get it. (To the clerk.) Here. (She hands him her coat.) You take it. (To the squirrel.) Are you happy now? I'm cold!
[Back at Monica's party]
MONICA: Ya know what, I think I'm gonna go to my room and read Cosmo, maybe there's something helpful in there. Know what, at least maybe I can learn how to do an at home bikini wax with leftover Cristmas candles.
Phoebe: (to Chandler at the phone) Okay, we-we'll talk to you later. Okay, bye.
RACHEL: So wait, this guy goes down for like two years at a time?
MONICA: Ok, you see, the tag shouldn't be at the top left corner, it should be at the bottom right corner.
RYAN: Why aren't you at home in bed?
Joey: Anyway! Her and Ross just started yelling at each other.
Joey: Yeah, the other day I was at the bus-stop and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up. Oh! Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs. (Note: Actually, I think every guy is thankful for thongs. That and spandex. J )
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is at the foosball table trying to get Phoebe to play a game with him.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Ross are in the kitchen. Phoebe is sitting at the couch with oven mits on her hands.]
Ross: Dont you realise none of this wouldve ever happened if I didnt think at that same moment you werent having sex with Mark?
ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.
ROSS: Over my dead body! (Joey looks at Chandler)
(Monica stares longingly at the door, after Richard leaves)
Phoebe: Wait. Why was he yelling at her? Hes the one who slept with someone else.
(Chandler clutches at his phone before realising.)
(Nina beams flirtatiously at Chandler, who catches her drift, but for once hes lost for something to say – so she nods her head to tell him that hes thinking correctly...)
PHOEBE: Well at least we know she's a woman.
Ross: (To Joey) I know, I wasnt finished. (Joey motions him to finish.) (Yelling at the street) But dont worry! Were gonna go down the fire escape!!
Monica: Why dont you just weigh out the good stuff about the relationship against the bad stuff. I mean thats what I did when I first (looks at Chandler and pauses) weighing stuff.
RICHARD: Oh, that's why you never see pigeons at sushi bars.(they both start laughing at Richard's poor joke) See, we're having fun.
Monica: Yknow what? I am really tired of your bellyaching! Okay, I-I worked really hard at making this a nice place for us to live!
(She turns around and glares at him, he turns away.)
Joey: I'm tellin' ya that girl totally winked at me.
Phoebe: Oh my God, has she slept at all?
Rachel: Why aren't you at work?
JOEY: Aww, Rach, I think you look cute (kisses her on the cheek, then looks at Ross) And you, uh, you, you I could eat with a spoon (goes to kiss him).
Ross: No, a car backfired, but (Rachel suddenly calms down) I thought somebody was taking a shot at me. And Rach, I I survived! And I was filled with this-this great respect for life. Y'know? I-I want to experience every moment. I want to seize every opportunity. I-I am seeing everything so-so clearly now.
Monica: Because I don't work at the Szechwan Dragon.
[Joey is looking at Rachel, smiling, and gesturing his head towards Ross.]
Rachel: (entering from bathroom) Hey-hey! Oh, look at you, all sexy.
Chandler: Little?! You freaked out big time! Okay? And I fixed it! We have switched places! I am the relationship and king and you are the crazy, irrational screw up! (Does a dance of joy.) (Monica glares at him.) And now we're back.
Ross: Look, I don't care it starts at eight, we can't be late.
Chandler: All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing, really quickly, it's not a big deal. (yells at Joey) GET UP!!
Monica: Has somebody been drinking my fat? (Joey and Chandler look at each other)
Joey: Oh my, would you look at that! (holds up crossed fingers)
Rachel: Oh!... Oh and Emma, look at your stuffed animals lined up so neatly!
PHOEBE: So how's your date with your cyberchick going. Ooh, hey, what is all that (points at the computer screen).
Sandy: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf.
PHOEBE: [cutting Mrs. Greene off] Ha-ha, that's great, ha-ha. I can't wait to hear the rest of it, ya know, but I really have to go to the bathroom so... Hey, come with me. Yeah, yeah, it'll be like we're gal pals, ya know, like at a restraunt. Oh, it'll be fun, c'mon. [they go in the bathroom]
Phoebe: Okay. So, this wire is connected to this wire which plugs into here. (She points at each as she says it.) Okay so, to get the beeping to stop all I have to do (She picks up a shoe and proceeds to pummel the smoke detector. She then gets up and heads to bed, stops, quickly turns around, and is satisfied that the beeping has stopped.) Well done, Pheebs. (She resumes her trek to bed, but is stopped at the entrance to the hallway by the now steady and extremely loud tone emanating from the smoke detector.) (Yelling.) What do you want from me?!!!!!!!
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
Machine: Message erased. To record a message begin speaking at the tone.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, I dont know what they were doing, but at one point sea turtles actually came up to the house.
Monica: Hey, look at me. I'm making jam, been at it since 4 o'clock this morning.
Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning?
[Scene: Phoebe's grandmother's place. Phoebe's grandmother is sitting at the table, reading the obituaries, and crossing out names in the phonebook.]
Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! (to Chandler) Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
(They look up towards the vent and wave at Phoebe.)
Rachel: Honey, come on, I have to be at work in like ten minutes (Ross starts kissing her neck) Oh, all right, well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything. (they fall onto the couch)
Ross: (buzzes) Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.
Rachel: (Looks at him) You're so pretty.
(The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross and Chandler look at the monkey, who is now in some distress.)
[Scene: At the banquet]
Chandler: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
Monica: I dont know! Time to kiss a guy maybe?! (Ross laughs.) What are you laughing at Pampers? (He stops laughing and glares at her.)
Rachel: Down at the docks again?
Rachel: Well, ever since I was humiliated and yelled at in front of my friends, I'm just, I don't know, not in a museum benefitty kind of mood.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
Monica: Lips moving, still talking. I mean it may not be ideal, but I'm so ready. No, I-I-I see the way Ben looks at you. It makes me ache, you know?
(They move to kiss, but realise that Chandler is staring at them. Chandler urges them on.)
Joey: Let me see. (goes over and looks at the form) Oh, right.
(They click their glasses and take a sip. That sip turns into a gulp, which quickly progresses into their mutual draining of their glasses at once.)
(They all start laughing at him)
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
Phoebe: Yes, it was! It was him! Uh huh! (they all stare at her) Okay, it was me!
Chandler: Okay, last night at dinner, when the meals came, she put half her chicken piccata on my plate and took my tomatoes.
(Joey looks quizzically at Ross)
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Joey: Yeah! Well, well really it's three. Please. You're so good at it. I love you.
Joey: Remember when you where a kid and your Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?
Ross: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight.
Monica: Well, no, not at all, you're not terminal, you just, you just need some damage control.
Chandler: I know, that, (looks at her fake chest, and loses his train of thought, temporarily) that's why I don't want to go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid.
Chandler: ....And then I just, you know, threw the bag of barley at her, and ran out of the store.
(Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel. You can hear this entire classic scene by clicking here.)
Joey: (charmed, but then recoiling) NO, NO! It can't happen at all!
Phoebe: Thats the same month as Halloween. So, um, what kinda things do you like to do at home?
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
Jasmine: Fine. (starts to leave, and points at Frank) I dont like you!! (leaves)
Joey: (Checks to see if shes drooling on his shirt.) Okay. Okay, okay, hey. (Lays her down and covers her with a blanket.) There we go, lets get your feet up there. (Looks at her) Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams. (Picks up a garbage can) Im gonna put this can right here in case you have to hurl.
WEDDING PLANNER: All rightie, everybody look at me. Good. All right, its time. Bridesmaids and ushers let's see two lines, thank you.
Frank: Then I go feel your friend up and make you mad at me.
Frank: You-you work at one of those massage parlors?
Ross: Hey, what are you doing shopping at eight in the morning?
ROSS: Well, hey. You're an actor, I say you just suck it up and do it. (Rachel looks at him in disbelief) Or you just do it.
Isabella: Arent you with that girl over there? (points at Rachel, who waves back)
ROSS: Well I'm sorry, I think about stuff. Ya know, I mean, you're at work, you're assembling bones, your mind wanders.
Joey: Oh, oh! Any chance any of this happened in a "Galaxy far, far away"? (Ross turns aroud and glares at him. Joey and Rachel decide to leave).
Joey: (manages to pry off only a small piece) Aw! Look at that, every inch of this stuff is glued down. Itd take forever to pry this up. You should ah, you should just leave it. (starts to walk away, but Monica grabs him)
Chandler: Wow! Look at them run.
Chandler: Well, it sounds kinda stupid... (looks at the TV) Whos she?
Joey: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.
[Scene: the bar, Ross is entering, Phoebe is at the bar, they are the only two in the place.]
(They both look at each other and start laughing (Lisa almost lost it there), and sit up. Ross hits his head on the lamp again.)
Monica:: Joey I am not going to objectify woman with you (looks at the woman) but if her face is as nice as her ass woah mamma.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make of it.]
[Scene: at Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.]
Monica: Not at these prices.