words in movies
Ross: She's not here yet. She's not here. She's having my baby and she's not here.
Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?
Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.
Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.
Dr. Franzblau: So, I understand you're thinking of having a baby? Well, I see you're nine months pregnant. That's a good start. How you doing with your contractions?
Monica: I want a baby.
Rachel: Well, where is he? He is supposed to be here. (Pause) What if the baby needs him?
Joey: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you know?
Ross: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. (Walks backwards as if he is going to break down the door, but steps in a bucket and falls) Ow.
(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.)
Joey: Oh, just had a baby.
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
Ross: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for this as much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny thing is? When this day is over, you get to go home with the baby, ok? Where does that leave me?
Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting.
Dr. Franzblau: I'm sorry, I can't tell the baby to wait for them.
Ross: (puts his head near the baby) Hello! (to Dr. Franzblau) Oh, sorry.
(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.)
Ross: Well I dont know, but how-how great would that be huh? You living in my building. I could help take care of the baby. I can come over whenever I want. (Rachel looks at him.) With your permission.
Rachel: Yeah, I cant live with Joey once the baby comes. I dont want my childs first words to be, (in a babys voice) "How you doin?"
Ross: Yeah, but when the baby comes shes gonna want to move.
Ross: Yeah, you didnt expect her to live there with a baby did you?
Rachel: Oh but Joey, I have to go. Theres no room for a baby here.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel enters and notices that Joey has set up a space for the baby where the couch was, complete with a crib.]
Rachel: But Joey the baby is going to be crying, its going to be loud.
Rachel: Honey, its not just a matter of where you put it. I mean a baby changes everything. They cry all the time. I mean imagine bringing home some girl and trying to score when theres a screaming baby around.
Joey: Look, if Im bringing home a woman who cant stand being around a baby, then maybe I dont want to be with that woman! Or maybe well just do it in the bathroom of the club!
Rachel: No its okay, this is whats gonna happen. Im gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him.
Rachel: Hey, that is the babys problem. (Dr. Green returns.) Oh, everything okay with the waiter?
Phoebe: Why, so he can get mad at the baby?
Chandler: Shes okay with Rachel and the baby?
Joey: (on cell phone) Im sorry I gotta cancel tonight baby
Phoebe: Gosh. Im not gonna let that man make you eat your baby. (They both sit down by the rest of the gang and Phoebe recognizes a man by the window.) Oh. Hey! Who is that guy? I think I know him.
Joey: Hey! Uh, this is just to give you an idea. Okay well, we can put screens here, (In front of the crib.) so that the baby has privacy, and-and-and maybe a mobile over the crib. And uhOh look! Heres a baby monitor (Holds it up), which until the baby comes we can use as walkie-talkies. Huh?
Rachel: Okay. Um ButOkay, yes Ross and I used to date. And yes we are gonna have a baby. But we are definitely not getting back together.
Joey: I didnt look at it. Stupid babys head was blocking most of it.
Ross: Yeah. I mean we are having a baby together.
Rachel: (pause) Hes talking to the baby.
Dina: Do you ever worry that youll be walking and your baby will just like slip out?
Joey: Because! Cause Cause youre my baby sister!
Dina: Were gonna be all right. I mean, even if were not married this baby is gonna be so loved. Not just by us.
Ross: Baby got back (Then Ross turns around and sees their friends standing in the doorway)
Phoebe: Hey, are you going to find out the sex of the baby?
Phoebe: Are you two talking about the same baby? Hey! Have you started off thinking of names yet?
Joey: (entering) Rachels having her baby!! (Phoebe turns and looks at him.) Which is of no interest to me, Im a neurologist.
Dr. Long: Okay! All your tests look fine. Now, are you two interested in knowing the sex of the baby?
Ross: So, I uh I called the doctor and now we both know the sex of the baby.
Rachel: Oh, yes! Well have ourselves a little baby Ruth
Rachel: Oh Joey, Im so happy things worked out for us that were having this baby together. I love you so much.
(She hands the baby to Joey who pulls down the blanket to reveal Rosss face where the babys should be.)
(Finally, the baby is delivered and starts crying.)
Rachel: Joey! The baby is kicking for the first time! Will you please come feel this?!
Doctor: Oh, here is your beautiful baby. Congratulations!
<Ross and Rachel are putting baby stuff together like they're going to be going somewhere.>
Joey: Hey Ross! The babys kicking!
Ross: My God, the babys kicking. Thats great. Although I kinda wish I-I wouldve been there to feel the kicking for the first time yknow.
Joey: And-and theres no danger to her and the baby?
Ross: No I-I-I would love to be around for you and the baby. And we-we can just try it like on a temporary basis.
Phoebe: You want it there? You take it there baby!
Rachel: Oh well yeah me too. Um.. I had a baby.
Rachel: and I know Chandler is kidding but it happens every time he touches my stomach. I mean Im really worried the babys not going to like him. (Joey is staring at the table.) Are you okay?
Monica: Is this the video of the baby being born? Sweetie, this is Phoebes. Why were you even watching it?
Rachel: Okay. (watching the tape) Ooh, my! (Rachel jumps when the woman starts screaming) Woah! Why is that baby torturing that woman?!
Chandler: No, the babys out! Look, look!
Rachel: (thinking) Youre going to have a baby, and you need to be prepared. Now, youre going to make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it! (Rachel puts the tape in the VCR)
Ross: Rachel whos carrying my baby? Rachel?
Ross: A pigeon, a pigeon. (previously scared Rachel turns away) No, no wait, no-no, an eagle flew in. Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird�s aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues as an act of aggression and grabs the baby on its talon. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still up lays (?) are locked in a death grip, swirling around the whirl pool, that fills the apartment.
Rachel: My boss wants to buy my baby!
Joey: What he wants to buy your baby?!
Rachel: Yeah, and umm my baby.
Joey: Do you think you can just buy my friends baby?!
Joey: Man! When you said it was a problem about your boss and the baby I figured it was something about maternity leave.
Monica: You said your boss wants to buy your baby?!
Rachel: No! No, no-no-no Joey he doesnt want to buy my baby! I made that up!
Phoebe: What? Hes gonna be dressed as a baby! (Mrs. Green enters.) Oh hi Mrs. Green!
Aunt Lisa: Congratulations on the baby, and on the wedding
Ross: Yeah baby!
Ross: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, (Starts to whine like a baby and Joey just glares at him.)
Rachel: So whats the final head count on my baby shower?
Rachel: So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?!
Chandler: Wow, Ralph Lauren is really going out of there way to show theyre not in the baby buying business.
Mona: Yeah, you still have feelings for me. And-and to be honest, I-I still have feelings for you. And I wish that we can work it out Ross, but we cant. Its too complicated with you and Rachel and the baby, I-I just It just wasnt meant to be.
Joey: Yeah you are baby.
Rachel: She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower is continuing as Rachel walks over to Monica and Phoebe.]
Rachel: He was a hamster! I am not going to vacuum up my baby!
Rachel: Youre right. Youre right. I mean Im about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I dont want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Shes gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
Monica: Yes! Yes! And I think that the first gift that Rachel opens should be from the grandmother of the baby, because youre the most important person in this room. And in the world!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower has ended and everyone except for Mrs. Green have left who is talking to Rachel while Monica and Phoebe are cleaning up.]
Mrs. Green: Its like youre a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You dont know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay.
Mrs. Green: Plus, what are you planning on doing with the baby while youre trotting out to the garbage ten times a day?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Mrs. Green is telling Ross what needs to be done to baby proof his apartment.]
Rachel: Yes! Shes gonna help us take care of the baby! Woo-hoo. (Sees that Ross isnt happy.)
Mrs. Green: Well Rachel needs help with the baby.
[Scene: The Baby Furniture Store, Ross and Rachel are checking out.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is helping Rachel study for when the baby comes.]
Ross: Excellent! How do you put a baby down for a nap?
Ross: Thats correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.)
Rachel: Umm, our situation. Yknow umm, what we mean to each other. And I mean we-were having this baby together, and we live together. Isnt that, isnt that weird?
Phoebe: Hey! Oh, how did baby shopping go?
Rachel: No, not really. Youre pressing the baby into my bladder and now I have to pee. Sorry. (She gets up and starts for the bathroom.)
Ross: True, but youre allowed to be unreasonable. Youre having our baby.
Chandler: Hey! Did you have the baby yet?
Rachel: Thats right, still no baby! (To Monica, Joey, and Chandler on the couch) Come on people! Please make some room!
Rachel: Oh, I have to go pee. Apparently this baby thinks that my bladder is a squeeze toy. (Goes to the bathroom.)
Rachel: (interrupting her) Oh Phoebe, thats a great story. Can you tell it to me when youre getting me some iced tea? (Phoebe gets up and Rachel groans.) (To the baby) Oh God, get out! Get out!! Get out!! Get out!!
Rachel: They sent me home from work. They were like, "Start your maternity leave now! Just rest, get ready for the baby." Well yknow what? Screw em! If they dont want me there, Ill just hang out with you guys.
Monica: What did the doctor say? Any news on when the baby will come?
Ross: We live together. Youre having our baby. Im not gonna see anybody else. Are you-are you sure you dont want something more?
Monica: Well what is it? What is it? If its gonna help bring the baby here, like today. I mean, I think you should do it.
Amy coming out of the bathroom: Hey. Hey where's the baby?
Monica: Okay fine! I keep betting Phoebe that youre gonna have the baby and I dont want to lose again!
Monica: Thats it. Im done. I dont care when the baby comes, no more betting.
Joey: Not a problem. Oh, and just so you know, that guys not going to be bothering you about that baby thing anymore.
Ross: Im getting that baby out of you!
Ross: Were having a baby.
Phoebe: Is Rachel having the baby?
Monica: You know everything!! Oh wait, double or nothing. I bet you the baby is over seven pounds. (Phoebe isnt interested.) I bet you it has hair. (Shes still not interested.) I bet you its a girl.