words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is filing her nails as Ross and Ben enter.]
Rachel: Hi! Hi Ben!
Ben: Hi.
(Ben starts to go, but Ross stops him.)
Ross: (to Ben) Okay! All clear!
Ben: (running to the bathroom) Thanks Phoebe!
Rachel: Ben, its Rachel! (He closes the door.) But whatever.
Ross: (to Ben) Everything okay in there?
Ben: Dont talk to me now!
Ross: Hey listen can you do me a big favor? The deans office just called and said there was an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for like an hour?
Ross: Well, Ben would be there.
Ross: Okay. (Ben enters) Ben? Come here. All right, Im gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour. Okay? Are you gonna be okay?
Ben: Ill be okay.
Ben: Bye dad.
Ben: Not really.
Ben: Okay.
Ben: Im not allowed to have soda.
Ben: Whats a virgin?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
Rachel: Ben yknow when uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. Cause I was, I was your daddys girlfriend.
Ben: But youre not anymore!
Ben: Cause you guys were on a break.
Rachel: Hey! We were not on aOkay. Thats fine! Fine. Yknow what Ben? One day when you are a lot older I am going to tell you that entire story over a pitcher of real margaritas, okay?
Ben: Whens my daddy coming back?
Ben: Sharing is good.
Ben: Really? Like how?
Ben: (laughs) Thats a good one.
Ben: Yeah, youre funny.
Ben: Can I do it to you?
Rachel: Yeah, I-I-I-Im funny Ben, but Im not stupid. Okay?
Ross: Yes! Ben learned a little trick.
Carol: Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.)
Rachel: Well yknow I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "Whats up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?"
Rachel: Id love that. I would loooove (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...
Ben: (jumping up from behind her chair) Gotcha!! (Rachel jumps up startled.)
Rachel: I found him! (To Ben) Very funny, come here! (She sits down on the coffee table and Ben walks up.) That is exactly why Ive come here to talk to you okay?
Rachel: Yes oh(To Ben)Do I want sugar in my coffee? (Ben nods no.) No, just some milk would be good Carol. Thanks. (To Ben) Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Ben: (mimicking her) Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Ben: Dont do that.
Ben: Seriously, your dad doesnt like pranks.
Ben: Oh damnit!
Ben: Damnit!
Ben: Damnit!
Ben: Oh crap!
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
Ben: No more pranks.
Ben: That you and daddy were not on a break.
Ben: (yelling from off camera) Crap!!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.]
Ross: Hey Im sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-Ive got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, Fun Aunt Rachel, so
Rachel: Ohhh! Well of course I will watch him! We have fun, dont we Ben? (He nods yes.)
Rachel: Ohh, okay. (Ross has a sign on his back that reads Poop.) WhAh-ha! (Ross stops and turns.) Wait a minute. Uh Ben, I cant do it.
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Ben: What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Ross: All right, thats it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Comeyouno! You are in big trouble young man!
[Cut to the hallway, Ben runs upstairs with Ross in pursuit.]
Ross: Wait! No! Ben, come here! I am not kidding!
(At this point a stream of obscenities burst forth from Phoebes mouth just in time for Ben and Ross to enter and hear most of it, and in slow motion Ross tries to shield his innocent son from Phoebes vulgarity.)
Ross: Yeah, well my-my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben and umm, uh, and just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms as Im sure you are with your wife! (Realizes) Oh, Im sorry! (To Elizabeth) Its unbelievable!
Monica: Matt Guire, Mark Lynn, Ben Wire
[Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Ben how to ride a bike. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are they also.]
Ben: (on the bike) Im ready!
Ben: Uh-huh!
Ben: (To Chandler) Thanks daddy.
Ross: (Thinking it over) Sure! (Takes one) Hey, I just found out, I get Ben for the holidays this year.
Rachel: You may need to use this year to teach Ben about Phoebe.
Ben: Christmas eve.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is whirling Ben around.]
Ben: Santa has reindeers that can fly!
Ben: No.
Ben: Christmas.
Ben: So Santa's coming?
Ben: (singing) Jingle bells, jingle bells...
Ben: No Santa? Was I bad?
Ross: No! Oh, no-no-no. Hey, you weren't bad, you've been very good, Ben.
Ben: Santa's mad at me.
Ross: Well, I do, so let's... (Ben and Ross sit down on the couch) So, Ben, you uh, you know what holiday is coming up, don't ya?
Ross: Yes, but also (Pauses to let Ben answer, but he doesnt.) Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish, and-and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday.
Ben: When is Santa coming?
Ben: (singing) Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer...
Ben: Cool!
Monica: Come on Ben.
Ben: Wow! Thanks!
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird turtle-man?
Ben: Did you bring me any presents, Santa?
Chandler: Hey! (Grunts as Ben hits him at full speed.)
Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)
[Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.]
Ben: Texas?
Ross: You're welcome, Ben. Merry Christmas, ooh, and Happy Hanukkah!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica has just opened the door for Ross who is costumed as an Armadillo. Ben is standing next to her.]
Ben: Okay, Santa!
Ben: No! Why does he have to go?
[Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.]
Ross: Okay Ben, Santa has to go. Say good-bye!
Ben: No! Why can't the Armadillo leave? I want Santa!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is watching Bert and Ernie with Ben.]
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico! But, Santa sent me here to give you these presents, Ben. (He tries to bend down to pick up the bag with the presents, but can't because of the costume) Maybe the Lady will help me with these presents.
Ben: (answering him) Eight whole days.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Santa (Chandler), Superman (Joey), Ben, and Monica are listening to the Holiday Armadillo (Ross) finish telling the story of Hanukkah.]
Ben: Awesome!
Ross: Thats right! Wait no, Ben.
[Scene: The Midfield Day School, its after school and Ben is taking a drink of water as Phoebe enters.]
Ross: No, hey-hey, come on, (He grabs Ben and sits him on his lap) Ben, Santa is not mad at you, okay? Hey, you're-you're his favorite little guy!
Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben.]
Ben: Da Da.
Ben: Da Da.
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross is taking Ben to visit Rachel whos working there.]
Ben: Da Da.
Ross: Its Ben and his Da-Da. Da-Da? Can you say Da-Da? Yknow, you might as well say it because I told your
Chandler: Well, I'll stay, but only because I wanna hear about Hanukkah. Ben, will you sit here with Santa and learn about Hanukkah?
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
Jennifer: Oh little Ben.
Ross: Hey I uh just picked up Ben from school
Ben: Are you for Hanukkah, too? Because I'm part-Jewish.
Ross: Well actually, Im picking Ben up tomorrow, maybe hell be there.
Ross: Well it turns out that Ben and Stings son do not get along.
Ross: Yeah I know; hes in Bens class.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, Im with Ben.
Phoebe: Oh, there you are Ben!
Ben: Aunt Phoebe, what are you doing here?
Ben: I have to go. My friend Doug is waiting for me over there. (Goes over to Doug.)
Ben: Jack? I hate him! Hes a jerk.
Phoebe: I am one of Bens mothers. Im a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents.
Ross: Playpen?! Bens seven!
Trudie Styler: So, I guess you and I should talk about Jack and Ben right now.
Phoebe: Oh good! Then youre in luck! Bens not my son!
Monica: But Ben is coming over tonight and he cant see this.
Phoebe: Hey Ross! Doesnt Ben go to the Smithfield Day School?
Monica: Ah, well if you dont clear this off, you wont be getting one of those from me. But Bens coming over here tomorrow to play this game, this cant be there.
Ross: What about Ben?
Ross: Well, I asked him if he wanted to eat, he said, "No." I asked him if he wanted to sleep, he said, "No." I asked him what he wanted to do, he said, "No." So, hes sweeping. (We see Ben playing with a broom and a dustpan.)
Ross: Well uh, I-Im a paleontologist. Umm, I-I live in New York. I have a son Ben. Uh, hi Ben! (Waves.) And uh
Ross: Ben Franklin.
Rachel: When Carol was pregnant with Ben
Ben: Auntie Monica!! (He runs to hug her.)
The Teacher: Right. Are you looking for Jacks parents to discuss the problems hes having with Ben? (Phoebe nods Yes.) Yeah. Because I really do think the parents should sit down and have a conversation.
Phoebe: Oh hi BenNo!! Dont look at the machine! (Covers the screen.)
Ross: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, (Starts to whine like a baby and Joey just glares at him.)
Ross: Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the Festival of Lights?
Monica: Come on Ben.
Ben: Cool!
(Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.)
Ross: You? You! Want to watch Ben? (in the background Monica mouths Dont worry, Ill be here the whole time. to Ross.) Yes! Thatd be great, no, I just wanted to ask Monica, because I know how empty her life is. (Monica sarcastically mouths Yeah! and holds up her thumb.)
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say.
Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Ross: No, no, really, Ive got to take the car back anyway, Im spending all day tomorrow with Ben, Its fine, no guilt I promise.
(Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.)
Written by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen Directed by: Ben Weiss Transcribed by: Eleonora, Pheeboh, Sebastiano & Vanessa
Chandler: Hey! (Grunts as Ben hits him at full speed.)
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, Rachel is already there with her date, Tommy who's played by Ben Stiller who will be in There's Something About Mary and Meet The Parents, as Ross and his date, Cailin, arrive.]
Ross: I went thru this with Ben and Carol. One cup of coffee won't affect your milk.
Ross: That's Ben, my son from my first marriage.
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!