words in movies
Rachel: Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me.
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: No, its okay. Some-some kid asked me to pick it up for him, but I dont
Rachel: But! Dont you have to give him his money back?
Chandler: Hey, I may have no money, but I still have my pride.
Joey: All right, heres a list of things for you to do today. Man, this going to be so great! Thank you so much! All right, I got to go to work Im delivering twins today, but only one of them is mine! (Exits.)
Chandler: But the Kit-Kats are all right?!
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Rachel: (laughs) Wow! Umm, yknow, I-I would really love to, but I-I shouldnt.
Joey: Uh, yeah but uh, (In Drakes voice) I may have said those things before but, I never truly meant them. Until now.
(Chandler tries to take it, but Monica wont let go. He tugs harder, and she still doesnt budge.)
Joey: (entering) Hey! Hey Chandler look, I know youre mad, but I just want to say Im sorry. I-I was a total jerk. Completely o-over the line. Uh, I just I hate pulp! Yknow? I mean, yknow how Monica feels about low fat mayonnaise?
Chandler: Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy (Joey laughs), uh but he doesnt want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assistas his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that cant have lumps in them.
Monica: Well, yknow its none of my business, but arent you married?
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
Carol: Yeah. Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so
Monica: But, I put some honey in it.
Chandler: (To Ross) But I think we should tell her.
Phoebe: I know! But if I didnt work there, what else would I do?
Joey: Pretty cool, huh? But if youre thinking you can put a fish in there and it wouldnt get sucked up into the mechanism, well youd be wrong.
Dr. Roger: Yknow, its funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases
Monica: Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if youre horrible, how would I know?
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Rachel: But I thought that ring stood for Caprices undying love for her brother.
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Joey: Huh. But still Ross, youre worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Yknow what I mean?
Joey: But you got to be with both of them, right?
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
Monica: Yknow, I dont have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. (He laughs halfheartedly) Are you sure youre okay?
Rachel: Me? Im great! Im fine! Im sooo good!! But, you know whos not great?! Men! Youre a man right Ross?!
Chandler: Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they dont just happen. Yknow? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning yknow I was just lying there and I couldnt wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always yknow with a friend.
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Charlie: But maybe we can have dinner later? On the balcony? Will be romantic.
[Time lapse: Ross looks likes he's been trying to fix his computer but just closes it as if giving up]
Monica: This is Monica! I'm Phoebe's friend. Listen, Phoebe is back with David and he's going to propose to her, and she is going to say "yes" but I know she really wants to be with you!
Phoebe: (playing guitar and singing) And there's a country called Argentinaaaa, it's a place I've never seeeeen. But I'm told for fifty pesos you can buy a human spleen. Humaaan spleeeeen. Olè!
Ross: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?
Chandler: Yes but there's six of us so we'd only have to get struck by lightning 7 times.
Monica: But that's clearly a joke. This could easily be true. (Phone rings)
Joey: But what about back home, anything going on there? Anybody you like?
Charlie: (to Joey) I just left you a message! Ross and I were gonna go grab a bite, but now that you're here, maybe we can go have that dinner.
David: But well, now that we're together again, I don't ever want to be apart. So, to that end...
Mike: Yeah, I understand, but before you do, she really needs to hear this.
Mike: Sorry David, but she really has to know this.
Phoebe: I love you. But I never needed a proposal from you. I just needed to know that we were headed somewhere, you know, that we had a future.
David: Alright, but after this I want to see you outside. If the rain stops.
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. I mean, I missed you so much these last few months and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then I suddenly realized that there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.
Phoebe: Yeah, I might have said yes, but that would have been wrong.
(Ross giggles, but Charlie isn't amused at all.)
Joey: (disappointed) Oh... oh, but that's ok, I'll find someone else to do it... I'll do it alone, but... I don't know what happens if the sea turtle catches you...
Monica: But then how do we know who wins?
Ross: Well, the old lady died. And how do I know? Her dying wish was for one last kiss. But I dont care, (To Rachel) because you got the apartment. Yes!
Joey: But then who? The waitress I went out with last month? (gives her a meaningful look)
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
Chandler: Yeah Ross, I mean... we're excited to hear the speech but the rest of the time we're gonna wanna do, you know, "island's stuff".
Joey: No, I know, yeah I know we're great but Rach no... this... this can't happen!
Rachel: But why, why not?
Rachel: But that wasn't gonna stop you before!
Joey: I know, I know! But I've thought about it a lot since, and it just wouldn't be right... (painfully) I'm sorry...!
Chandler: But...
Monica: But... you suck!
Chandler: (In a loving voice) Yes, I do. Now, I may not understand why you have to win so badly, but if it's important to you then it's important to me, because I love you.
(Joey says nothing, but enters the room and kisses her. They are kissing passionately only to stop for a brief "oh" from Rachel. They continue their passionate kiss and Joey closes the door with his foot and it shuts in the camera's "face". And that's the end of the ninth season.)
Chandler: And I don't wanna say this, I don't you guys to hate me, but uh, I don't think, I can be around that dog anymore. Okay, so either the dog goes, or I go. (An awkward silence ensues.) Oh my god!!
Ross: I think I know too but I've been really wrong about this stuff in the past, so...
(they start to get ready, but then Phoebe enters through the door from Ross's room)
Chandler: You know, I'd love to, but I'm a little tired.
Joey's voice, but she sees Ross: Seriously... What is it?
Chandler: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you?
Chandler: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
Phoebe: Three months? Okay... This is probably none of my business, but uhm, how long do you think you're gonna keep seeing her?
Ross: Yeah, we kissed, but... nothing else... nothing else happened, okay.
Ross: You know what? I know Chandler longer, so I always think of him as my best friend, but now... I may have to rethink some stuff...
Phoebe: Mon', not that you didn�t sound good, but...
Rachel: No, she was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her. Ohhh! I cant believe this, all I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua, so he can go ahead and start falling in love with me.
Conan: But audiencesYou have a live studio audience and they must love that. They must love it when they see you guys playing.
Phoebe: But he didn't really know, you know. He wasn't planning on coming to Barbados and proposing to me...
Rachel: Well, I tried, but then he had a shampoo related emergency. So I guess now it's your turn again.
Joey: Okay, Ross, I realise that you didn't expect to walk in and see that, but.. Let me explain, okay?
Joey: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.
Joey: Look, we probably should have talked to you about this before it ever happened, but..
Joey: Yeah, but it did happen, so...
Rachel: No, but you know what I mean.
Ross: But if I hadn't walked in here, would you..?
Joey: Ah, can I just say I know we're doing this for Ross, and that's cool, but if it was up to me, this is not what we'd be doing on our first date.
Ross: But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster [1] is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...
Phoebe: Well, they may be a handful, but they're so cute.
Chandler: I'd love to, but I gotta get back to talking to your parents. They're telling us all about how they adopted you.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is totally wasted, but he's still drinking all the margaritas.]
Phoebe: Well, that's not good. But you know, I can move some stuff around, and I'll be there. You and Alice just take the whole day together.
Frank Jr.: Oh, I think you're right. Oh, wow. Phoebe, I don't think I can give one of them up. I mean, you know, they drive me crazy, but they're my babies.
Charlie: I'm sorry, I have a really early class in the morning, but this has been lovely.
Phoebe: 'Cause it's good money! But that doesn't change the fact that this is an evil blood sucking corporate machine!
Joey: Yeah, but, Ross, I mean, you're not okay with it.
Ross: No, but I wanna be. Hey, I will be. Besides, I'm with Charlie, right? Oh my god, I'm still with Charlie, aren't I? I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she?
Chandler: Yeah, but how would you like it if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them?
Monica: Oh, I guess we could try that, but... it seems so harsh! (to Chandler) Have you ever done that?
Rachel: I say ‘cheesy line’, but ok.
Assistant: Yeah, but you're back's a zero. You're gonna wanna even that out.
Rachel: Alright, I don't wanna alarm anybody, but Monica's hair is twice as big as it was when we landed!
(Joey starts trying to undo her bra, but it won’t go.The elastic band snaps back, hurting Rachel.)
Rachel: Ok, let’s work from the top down! (Joey nods, but then puzzled because he does not get it) Just work the bra, Joe!
Rachel: Ok well, well I'm really, I'm sorry about that Joey, but do you think that maybe on some level, you don't want to take off my bra?
(They start kissing and Joey starts to undo her bra, but fails completely)
(Monica holds her hands out for a hug, but instead of hugging her, Amanda hangs her purse on one of Monica's extended arms.)
Rachel: All right, look you guys... Look, we appreciate all the advice, but this is between Joey and me and I think we can handle it...
Monica: (sits down) Oh good. Good, look I'm so sorry, for screwing up that cutting-her-out plan. But I have a new plan. Chandler agreed to call here in a few minutes with an emergency.
Chandler: That fake British woman is a real bitch, but she sure can dance... Hey!
Phoebe: Yeah, I can see where Id be your best shot but, no. Im sorry, but I think its twisted.
Rachel: Oh no, it's still nap time. But she'll be up soon.
Rachel: Look, I know that you guys really want to get to Vermont and this isn't a really big deal to you, but it really is to us, ok? Emma will never have a first birthday again.
Joey: But equally real!
Joey: Yeah, because it is slim pickings. I had this date last night: Yuck! But we should probably keep it down; she's still in the bedroom.
Joey: (walking to a table with many badges on it) I know we're not, but (he picks up a badge) Frank Medeio and... (picks up another badge) Eva Trorro... womba...
Phoebe: Oh, okay that explains it. I got a call at two in the morning, but all I could hear was, like, this high squeaky sound, so I thought okay its like a mouse or a opossum. But then I realized where would a mouse or a opossum get the money to make the phone call.
Phoebe: Lets see. (Looking at the picture) Oh my God! Oh But no! No! You cant-you cant hire him, because thatits not professional. Umm, this is for me (The picture) yes? Thanks. (Puts it in her pocket.)
(they start kissing but someone knocks at the door)
Chandler: Fine, but if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party...
Ross: I told you it wasn�t long, but there is an amazing connection between us.
Rachel: (speaking to the person on the phone again) Yes, yes. I still want my daughters picture, but on a bunny cake. Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts!
Joey: But uhm, we're getting rid of her, right? Rach, please tell me we’re getting rid of her.
Rachel: Sometimes just nodding is ok. (pause) Uhm, so but anyway, listen, not marrying Barry was the best decision that I ever, ever made. Honey, you deserve true love. Your soulmate is out there, somewhere. Someone that is your age, that is smart, that is fun and that you care about!
Rachel: Well Joey, uhm look, I know that she’s difficult, but I think it’s really good that she’s here.
Phoebe: Yeah, I really do! Yes, but, after I dumped on the way he was gonna propose to me, I don’t think he’s ever gonna ask again! I mean, I said no in Barbados and now this!
Chandler: Sounds good to me... but what would a guy think?
Ross: (surprised) Oh... (he pauses) (sounds disappointed) Ohh... I'd love to but I really have to grade these papers.
Chandler: Like war. Or that thing in Joey's refrigerator. Remember? It was in a milk carton but it looked like meat?
Ross: Hey Emma. Oh, why is she wearing her hat so low? She can barely see. (Wants to take the hat off, but Rachel tries to stop him).
Mike: But please, let's just forget the whole thing.
Rachel: Yeah. I just, I kept trying to make you a better person, but you're... you're already a pretty perfect version of what you are.
Phoebe: I would, but you're the last one.
Rachel: Oh, Pheebs, baby, that's nice but, you know what, I think I'm ok. Why don't you give it to one of your other single girlfriends?