words in movies
Rachel: Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me.
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: No, its okay. Some-some kid asked me to pick it up for him, but I dont
Rachel: But! Dont you have to give him his money back?
Chandler: Hey, I may have no money, but I still have my pride.
Joey: All right, heres a list of things for you to do today. Man, this going to be so great! Thank you so much! All right, I got to go to work Im delivering twins today, but only one of them is mine! (Exits.)
Chandler: But the Kit-Kats are all right?!
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Rachel: (laughs) Wow! Umm, yknow, I-I would really love to, but I-I shouldnt.
Joey: Uh, yeah but uh, (In Drakes voice) I may have said those things before but, I never truly meant them. Until now.
(Chandler tries to take it, but Monica wont let go. He tugs harder, and she still doesnt budge.)
Joey: (entering) Hey! Hey Chandler look, I know youre mad, but I just want to say Im sorry. I-I was a total jerk. Completely o-over the line. Uh, I just I hate pulp! Yknow? I mean, yknow how Monica feels about low fat mayonnaise?
Chandler: Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy (Joey laughs), uh but he doesnt want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assistas his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that cant have lumps in them.
Monica: Well, yknow its none of my business, but arent you married?
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
Carol: Yeah. Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so
Monica: But, I put some honey in it.
Chandler: (To Ross) But I think we should tell her.
Phoebe: I know! But if I didnt work there, what else would I do?
Joey: Pretty cool, huh? But if youre thinking you can put a fish in there and it wouldnt get sucked up into the mechanism, well youd be wrong.
Dr. Roger: Yknow, its funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases
Monica: Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if youre horrible, how would I know?
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Rachel: But I thought that ring stood for Caprices undying love for her brother.
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Joey: Huh. But still Ross, youre worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Yknow what I mean?
Joey: But you got to be with both of them, right?
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
Monica: Yknow, I dont have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. (He laughs halfheartedly) Are you sure youre okay?
Rachel: Me? Im great! Im fine! Im sooo good!! But, you know whos not great?! Men! Youre a man right Ross?!
Chandler: Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they dont just happen. Yknow? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning yknow I was just lying there and I couldnt wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always yknow with a friend.
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Joey: Kinda, but Ive just been having way too much fun.
Phoebe: Hey, Joey! Hey! Ooh! Ooh! I just say someone on thethat looks just like you on the subway. And I was gonna go over and say hi! but then I figured, he doesnt care if he looks like you.
Phoebe: Yeah. But yknow we were thinking about you, yknow we ordered the Joey Special.
Joey: No, I don't think it's just about just getting a girlfriend. Y'know? I mean, yeah, I can get a girlfriend! Yeah, we could sit in the chair and do crosswords, but y'know are we ever going to have y'know the closeness like-like you guys have?
Phoebe: I do! I do! I do! (Chases her into the hall, but Rachel doesnt stop.) I do! (Gives up.) Ugh, like I can really chase you. Im carrying a litter.
(Ross tries to clear off the pool table by knocking the balls to the other end of the table, but they all bounce back, and he frantically starts to throw them into the pockets.)
Monica: Yeah, yknow, but something like salmon which would be so much more elegant than the chicken. And, you wouldnt have to worry about the salmonella. (Ross pushes her.) So, I cant wait to see this place youre getting married!
Phoebe: Okay. Okay but you should know though, Ive raised my rates to $200 an hour.
Joey: Chandler... hey... (he goes towards his room but he stops near Emma's cot) Rach... what's Hugsy doin' in the crib with Emma? (he looks puzzled)
(They kiss but are interrupted by a knock on the door.)
Rachel: But he has to know how I feel!
Passenger: But why? He loves this...this Emily person. No good can come of this.
[Scene: Monas Apartment, she and her date are making out as Ross flips through a magazine while lying behind the couch and sees something that he likes. Meanwhile, Monas date takes off Rosss shirt and Mona throws it on the floor. While they start making out again, Ross tries to pull the rug the shirt is on over to him, but while he does that he moves the coffee table and it bumps into the couch.]
Chandler: Well, I dont see that we have a choice. But, when were back home, we dont do it.
(He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar, Monica is about to follow him but is intercepted by Rachel.)
Monica: Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box! (Tries to leave, but is stopped by Rachel.)
Ross: Oh no! It could be better, but its gonna be okay, right?
Ross: But it absolutely didnt. (Yelling towards the bathroom) It didnt!! It didnt!!
Chandler: Yes, we do. But, we have to change first.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, but I dont think that means anything.
Monica: But my clothes areohh! (They both leave.)
Chandler: But, well stay here with you.
Tag: Its lame, I know. But Im a goal-oriented person, very eager to learn
Chandler: Oh wow, I hope you dont take this the wrong way but, I know we had plans to meet up tonight and, ugh, Im just kinda worried about what it might do to our friendship.
Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me?
(After he closes the door, Monica starts to follow him, but thinks better of it and stops.)
Ross: Thanks guys! (They both sit down on either side of him.) I really appreciate this, yknow, but you dont have to rub my butt.
(Joey turns to leave but stops at the door.)
Alice: Phoebes right Frank. I know its hard to hear, but it wouldve been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we, we want the same things now, in the future we may not. (to Phoebe) Is that it, is that what it is?
(They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
Chandler: Yes, but theres two in martini, soo everybody back to my office.
Joey: It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years."
Rachel: But, it's not raining.
Joey: Yeah. I am sorry he's not here too, but I got to say, (takes some nachos from a plate on the seat where Chandler should have been) I am really enjoying Nacho Chair.
Rachel: (We see a flashback as Rachel describes what happened.) All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh (The flashback shows that she kissed him on the cheek.)
Monica: No, but she likes me. You abandoned her on a plane to Greece.
Rachel: But I
LIPSON: I'm sorry Mr. Geller. But ya know, there's an old saying, 'Sometimes monkeys die.' It's not a great saying but it certainly is fitting today.
Erica: I don't think so. Although, they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong, and I thought well, that's good 'cause I'm having a baby.
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, they are taking Phoebe to the hospital but Chandler and Monica hold back.]
Chandler: Well, I suppose Id have to say you!! But, what if were watching a movie in here?
(They go to hug but Ross' umbrella opens. He sits, defeated again.)
Chandler: You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. (dead silence) Amouz-bouche? (holds out tray)
Ross: Well, but aren't you pissed at him?! I mean this guy abandoned you! I gotta tell you if this were me, this guy would be in some serious physical danger! (Getting worked up) I mean I-I-I'd walk in there and I'd be like, "Yo, dad! You and me outside right now!" (Calming down.) I kinda scared myself.
Monica: Umm, actually I was about to tell you that I was, I was going to get out of it, but hey, if we're just goofing around then uh, maybe I will go out with him.
Dr. Oberman: Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early
Rachel: Yeah, but umm Yes, but, Fonzie was already cool, so he wasn't hurt, right?
Phoebe: But umm, I mean, did you talk to them about, y'know
Dr. Green: But what?! You figured youd get what you wanted and then dump her like you dumped Rachel!
Monica: But why?! Did he get in touch with Emily?
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Joey: Well, we were! But Ross was talking so loud on his phone they threw us out!
Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones! Now, ordinarily Mr. Tribbiani, we try to break up the stones up with shock waves, but they're to close to the bladder now. Which means we can either wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra
Ross: Well I'm sorry but you were! Okay? And besides if anyone should be hitting on her it's the guy who's single, the guy that who-who-who can do something about it.
Joey: Well, yeah, it was a really nice thing and all, but it made you feel really good right?
Ross: So I'm a pimp huh? It's okay! Look, I know that sometimes I can be a pain in the ass, but you just have to talk to me. Tell me if something is bothering you. Okay? And for my part I will do everything I can to keep my annoying habits just (Does the 'quiet down' maneuver).
Monica: But you live here! (Ross rolls his eyes.) You know that.
Joey: But I'm the host!
Joey: That's great. But uh, I'm not really expecting a lot of calls.
Chandler: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note.
Phoebe: Yeah, but you've known Rachel since High School and you cannot just cut her out of your life.
[They start to kiss. They try to get each other's shirts off but can't get the buttons undone.]
Emeril: (on TV.) Now maybe you just like wanna but the whole duck in there! Who cares, y'know? Now I got the legs
Ross: No! For all I know, shes trying to find me but couldnt because I kept moving around. No, from now on, Im staying in one place. (He sits down on the bed.) Right here.
Rachel: Yes. Monica, you don't get it. It's bad enough that she's stolen the guy who might actually be the person that I am supposed to be with, but now, she's actually (starting to cry), but now she's actually stealing you.
Ross: First of all its Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didnt fly.
Frank: Uh, Delaware. She's on her way though, so until she gets here, I'm gonna be your coach. But don't worry, she told me all about the la-Mazada stuff.
Monica: But, I just cleaned the bathroom.
(He starts to carry her into the hallway but hits her head on the door.)
Joey: But it's dark out.
Phoebe: I know it's le poo right now, but it'll get better.
[Scene: Atlantic City, New Jersey, Chandler and Monica are about to start their weekend of sex, sex, nothing but sex.]
Phoebe: But, I need your germs! I want my cold back! I miss my sexy voice.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, but all of those little annoying things she did before we fell in love? Like her voice, her laugh, her personalityWell, theyre all back! Yknow? And shes picked up like nine new ones!
Ross: It's awful I know, I mean, I feel terrible but I have to do this if I want my marriage to work. And I do, I have to make this marriage work. I have too. But the good thing is we can still see each other until she gets here.
Joey: I-I-I don't know if this falls under this category, but uh, Ross is right back there. (Points over his shoulder.)
Rachel: Oh, but yknow, no, you didnt give me your phone number.
Phoebe: Okay, but try and get Joey too.
Monica: Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows!
Joey: All right! Man, this is unbelievable! I mean, it's great, but
Chandler: I hear ya, Mugsy! But look, all these rooms are fine okay? Can you just pick one so I can watch-(realizes)-have a perfect, magical weekend together with you.
Ross: Yes, yes it is! No, but it's good it'sEmily thinks we should get all new stuff. Stuff that's just ours, together. Y'know brand new.
Joey: No! But y'know, I'm an actor, I'll act cool.
Rachel: Hi! You might not remember us, but we are the girls that fogged you.
(Monica enters, but she forgot something. Oh, about 150 pounds. In other words, she lost weight, big time!)
Ross: Oh, thank you. (She goes to kiss him, but he holds her coat up between their faces to stop her.) Hey, hey. (opens the door, sees Rachel, and hides Chloe behind the door) Rachel!!!!
Phoebe: (To Chandler) You're kinda stepping on the song. (She gets ready to play but is stopped by )
(She starts to play her song, but is stopped by Monica.)
Ross: (laughs as well, but for a different reason) Yeah, I didnt think of that.
Chandler: Ooh-hoo. Very hot, very sexy. But ah, y'know shes too international, y'know shes never gonna be around.
Mrs. Geller: Yes, yes Monica is thin. It's wonderful. But what we really want to hear about is Ross's new girlfriend.
Joey: Well uh, I don't know about who's here, but I can tell you for damn sure who's not here and that's Rachel!!
Phoebe: Well, I've been reading up and for your information, minks are not very nice. Okay, I admit it! I love this coat! Okay, Iit's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley! (She starts to leave but stops and says to Monica.) Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine!
Monica: Look, not that I enjoy talking about people who I went to high school with, cause I do, but umm, maybe we could talk about something else? Like you, I dont even know where you work?
(Larry goes to leave but heads the wrong way and makes a quick sidestep to go out the right door.)
Rachel: No, there's a party. There's a party. But the power, that is still up for grabs. You follow me?
PHOEBE: Listen. You are not going to believe this but, that is not me singing on the video.
Rachel: No-no, but I support it.
Phoebe: I dont know, I dont know, I dont know. You know, I mean, on the one hand, Mother may I? But yknow on the other hand No. No, I cant. Were friends. No, oh, no. I dont want to risk what we have.
Chandler: (gasps) All right look, y'know, this maybe tough but come on, this is Ross! I survived college with him!