words in movies
Rachel: Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me.
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: No, its okay. Some-some kid asked me to pick it up for him, but I dont
Rachel: But! Dont you have to give him his money back?
Chandler: Hey, I may have no money, but I still have my pride.
Joey: All right, heres a list of things for you to do today. Man, this going to be so great! Thank you so much! All right, I got to go to work Im delivering twins today, but only one of them is mine! (Exits.)
Chandler: But the Kit-Kats are all right?!
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Rachel: (laughs) Wow! Umm, yknow, I-I would really love to, but I-I shouldnt.
Joey: Uh, yeah but uh, (In Drakes voice) I may have said those things before but, I never truly meant them. Until now.
(Chandler tries to take it, but Monica wont let go. He tugs harder, and she still doesnt budge.)
Joey: (entering) Hey! Hey Chandler look, I know youre mad, but I just want to say Im sorry. I-I was a total jerk. Completely o-over the line. Uh, I just I hate pulp! Yknow? I mean, yknow how Monica feels about low fat mayonnaise?
Chandler: Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy (Joey laughs), uh but he doesnt want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assistas his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that cant have lumps in them.
Monica: Well, yknow its none of my business, but arent you married?
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
Carol: Yeah. Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so
Monica: But, I put some honey in it.
Chandler: (To Ross) But I think we should tell her.
Phoebe: I know! But if I didnt work there, what else would I do?
Joey: Pretty cool, huh? But if youre thinking you can put a fish in there and it wouldnt get sucked up into the mechanism, well youd be wrong.
Dr. Roger: Yknow, its funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases
Monica: Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if youre horrible, how would I know?
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Rachel: But I thought that ring stood for Caprices undying love for her brother.
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Joey: Huh. But still Ross, youre worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Yknow what I mean?
Joey: But you got to be with both of them, right?
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
Monica: Yknow, I dont have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. (He laughs halfheartedly) Are you sure youre okay?
Rachel: Me? Im great! Im fine! Im sooo good!! But, you know whos not great?! Men! Youre a man right Ross?!
Chandler: Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they dont just happen. Yknow? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning yknow I was just lying there and I couldnt wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always yknow with a friend.
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Ross: But come on! I mean living together will be great! I mean you guys have so much fun and you love Mike.
Chandler: But honey you don't have to.
Ross: Well, I know the other day in the coffeehouse you were caught up in the whole soccer mom thing? but is that really you? I mean can you honestly picture yourself in a Volvo?
Chandler: �Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Was a good friend of mine, never understood a single word he said, but I helped himdrink his wine.� So you just touch yourself for anything?
Phoebe: But I don't think I can! it was ok to move in when I didn't know what was gonna happen, but I can't move in knowing that nothing is ever gonna happen.
Mike: No but... You don't want to get married either right?
Mike: But I don't want this to end.
Mike: But if you wanna get married why didn't you say something before?
Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!
Phoebe: Ok. I mean I know I did the right thing. You know, Mike never wants to get married and I shouldn't be in a relationship that has no future... but... pretty soon I'm gonna miss him so much. I'm gonna wanna see him again and you have to stop me from doing that.
Ross: If you have to call me name, I prefer "Ross the Divorcer". It's just cooler. Look, I know my marriage isn't exactly work out. But I love to be that committed to another person. And Carol had some good times before she became a lesbian... and once afterward. I'm sorry.
[Time lapse, still Chandler and Monica's, but only Chandler is there. Enter Ross]
Chandler: Now Monica, I know youre upset, but dont forget. There is going to be a wedding, you are going to throw the bouquet, and then theres going to be a honeymoon, maybe in Paris.
Dream Monica: Okay! There's only one left, three letter word, not dog but
Phoebe: (after a pause) Unless... Maybe it's too crazy about this... Alright so... you know, there is no future... but that doesn't mean we still can't have fun. You know what? Forget what I said.
Phoebe: Well, I'm sorry but it's hard to believe that anyone would tell a story that dull just to tell it! (looking outside) See, there's something going on with them. Look, he's getting into the car with her!
Joey: But he's the same.
Joey: But he's the same.
Rachel: Oh yeah! But you know what? If you need Hugsy, don't worry. Emma will totally understand. I won't... but whatever (She leaves the room).
Joey: Alright!! Fine! It's original Hugsy! No, now I know that Emma wants him but he's mine and I need him..
Phoebe: I know, I want that too, but IS that going to make it too hard?
Mike: I've missed you so much! No, I'm not gonna ask you to get back together because I know we want different things, but just to be with you one more night.
Chandler: Well! We er..climbed up four flights of stairs, manueveored a narrow hallway, dodged a rabid pitbul... but these last three feet are where it gets really tricky.
Ross: I don't remember him, but then again I touched so many lives. (they press their ears against the door)
Ross: (he bounds into the lounge room) But you didn't! I'm still alive!! Kori, I know this is a big surprise for you. It's a long story but the things you just said really made my day! I mean, the fact that you are here means more to me than if this room were filled with people!
Monica: But ehm...what is it not?
Monica: I understand, but you're wishing for what we think you're wishing for, aren't you?
Monica: Right! .. but we "know" what you're wishing for!
Eric: Great! But wh-whHow do you know where I live?
Chandler: Well you wouldn't, but we own the paper, we can print whatever we want.
Phoebe: I want to, but I just want you to tell me that marriage isn't really that big a deal. You know that I won't, I won't be missing out on anything. That marriage stinks!
Ross: You don't have to do that, I'll pay for myself. But just the fact that you want me to have fun with you guys - that's so sweet! Come here (they kiss and hug)
Joey: Dude, I'm sorry. But hey, there's one spot left, right?
Ross: Yeah I-I dont-I dont think Im quite there yet, but I could say I looove spending time with you.
David: Are... are you kidding? You know, when you don't see someone for a long time, a-a-and you kind of build them up in your head and you start thinking about: Come on, don't be crazy. Nobody is that beautiful, but... well, you are. (Phoebe seems very charmed) Well, so, uhm... are you seeing... anyone? (Phoebe is still up on a cloud from what David just said)
Joey: Sometimes I think maybe she could. But it doesnt matter, because I cant do anything about it.
Ross: You know what, I'm sure your wish is gonna come true, but, you guys - just in case, maybe a genie will come out if we rub this lamp! (rubs lamp, stops because it's very hot) Ah!! That thing gets hot!!
Ross: oh no yeah, no Phoebe is great, but umm I'm an idiot look right before you guys went out I accidentally got her all upset.
Everyone but Monica: Friends!
Joey: I would, but this is a nice place and my T-shirt has a picture of Calvin doing Hobbs.
Chandler: Yeah, you know, I really thought I deserved it. (pause) But... let's go win the lottery... I mean, we still have 130 chances to win, right?
Rachel: Oh, but of course it is!
Joey: (entering) Oh uh, hey Pheebs. Uh yknow what? Ill-Ill come back later. (He goes to leave but runs into Ross whos entering.)
Phoebe: I know that, but look, we've got the Powerball number, we've won 3 dollars!
Phoebe: Im hearing what youre saying, but at our prices everyone needs toner.
[Scene: The Hallway, Monica is returning, but before she enters the apartment she stops on the step and changes from wearing tennis shoes to the boots and she moans in pain as she puts each boot on.]
Joey/Drake: Fine. I'll go. But let me ask you one question...
Rachel: (on the phone) Mum, please!I know you love your new lips, but I can barely understand you! Would you, please, just let me say goodnight to my daughter?
Phoebe: But what?
Monica: You know how much I love listening to your music, you know, but...
Joey: Oh, you know, the writing was good, and the director is good, and... and my co-star's good but they're not as good as me!
Joey: but, but..
Chandler: Whoa-ho, back off, Missy! (He takes a step back, but she still keeps her grip on his tie.)
Gavin: But it was a deap meaningful relationship.
Rachel: We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But its actually for Joshua. (Starts handing out party hats.) Look, he said hes not ready to date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I have the perfect opportunity to seduce him! (Hands Ross a party hat.)
Joey: No, no! (they all go towards the balcony but they get jammed in the window)
(they make as if to go, but Ross notices something)
Ross: No, but I want...I want the pinecones!
Monica: Alright, let me ask you this question: How many of you thought the music was fine, but not in keeping with the tone of the restaurant? (a few raise their hands again).
Rachel: (gets up from the sofa and moves to the kitchen but Joey blocks her way) Oh, sorry... Oops, sorry.
Joey: I wish I could but I just found out that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go, but, you know, take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want.
Chandler: Yes, but, Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, Ive-Ive been dating both of you, and its been really horrible. Cause y'know its been a lot of fun, for me. Umm, but I-I like you both, and I, and I didnt know how to chose, so... Im sorry, Im just, Im terrible, Im a terrible person. Im terrible.
Ross: Look, I didnt want to rush into anything. And it seemed like she didnt want to either. But I dont, I dont understand how any of this happened! What? Did she find the ring in my jacket, assume that I was going to propose, throw it on, and-and just start telling people?
Joey: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first
Joey: You're fine, ok? But everyone else acts like an idiot around famous people!
Joey: Ok, ok! Fine! You can come, but don't tell anybody else. It's up on the roof at 8.
Rachel: Ok, that's it! Just give'em to me! I'll split them up! (she tries to snatch the bowl from Joey's hands but she can't, so she pinches his nipple and she manages to take it)
Charlie: Stop it, stop it! He talks slow but he might pee fast! Ok, let's go!! (they run outside)
Rachel: Oh, hi! I would check your hand but... I'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease!
Rachel: And he didn't want you guys to know about it but I came over here to tell you!!
(The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)
Charlie: No, but he did just win the McArthur genius grant.
Rachel: Hello. (to Gavin) But you know what, hey, new day, new leaf, I am just really really happy ... (sees Gavin staring at Heather) I'm sorry, obviously Heather's ass has something more important to say so I'll just wait 'till it's finished.
Charlie: (smiling and thinks for a moment)... no... bu but there was my first boyfriend Billy.
Phoebe: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village..
Ross: Oh, well no, but I mean, she only goes out with really, really smart guys.
Joey: That's true. But you know what, it doesn't matter because I already know who you're gonna go home with tonight.
Monica: Anyway um, when he left he forgot to take the poem with him. Now, I am like totally dense about poetry, but I think it's pretty good all right. Check it out. (hands them the poem)
Rachel: I could, I could but I don't want to! I want to kiss Joey!
Ross: Hey, I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too ok? But SURPRISE!
Chandler: Alright! That is it. This is our apartment and you can not behave this way. Now if you can't act your age then you shouldn't be here at all. Now those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones I picked out, but they're very important to Monica. I want you to apologize to her right now.
Monica: It's not ok to do it in a doctor's office but it is ok to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?
Chandler: But I don't wanna do it in a cup!
Rachel: But I am going hunting!!
Monica: Look, I don't wanna do this test either, but I really do think it's a good idea!
Phoebe: But that woman can't know I work here. She's a friend of mine and I made this big stink about how awful this massage chains are.
Ross: But I'm not! (pause). You know what if you're in the mood for Thai food...
Monica: I know this is embarrassing, but nobody cares! No one here even knows you!
Chandler: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... (points at the cup) got a hot date... (starts to leave)
Joey: No idea! But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear".
Phoebe: Monica, I really appreciate you checking in on me, but I'm actually feeling a lot better. Yeah, I just kinda want to be alone right now.
Ross: Ok, but you know what? I gotta say, I'm really impressed that you were able to memorize all this so quickly!
Phoebe: I would, but I get my morning sickness in the evening.
Chandler: (Slightly panicky) Yeah, but what if it's not? What if there is a reason why we can't have a baby?
Ross: Excuse me, I don't mean to be a jerk, but the baby with the rash came in after me.
Ross: (shaking head) Oh Joey, Joey! But still, I mean, it seems like you guys are having a great time together.
Ross: What, I mean, a little, but no, what, go on.
Ross: (slowly) Yeah. But you know what? I think you should give Joey a chance. I mean, he's a great guy, and sure he doesn't know that much about art but you know, you can always talk about that with someone else.
Joey: Although some of that stuff wasn't where you said it was gonna be, but... (confidently) I made it work.