words in movies
Rachel: Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me.
Chandler: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? Id probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my jobs fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I dont have to wear a tie.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: No, its okay. Some-some kid asked me to pick it up for him, but I dont
Rachel: But! Dont you have to give him his money back?
Chandler: Hey, I may have no money, but I still have my pride.
Joey: All right, heres a list of things for you to do today. Man, this going to be so great! Thank you so much! All right, I got to go to work Im delivering twins today, but only one of them is mine! (Exits.)
Chandler: But the Kit-Kats are all right?!
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Rachel: (laughs) Wow! Umm, yknow, I-I would really love to, but I-I shouldnt.
Joey: Uh, yeah but uh, (In Drakes voice) I may have said those things before but, I never truly meant them. Until now.
(Chandler tries to take it, but Monica wont let go. He tugs harder, and she still doesnt budge.)
Joey: (entering) Hey! Hey Chandler look, I know youre mad, but I just want to say Im sorry. I-I was a total jerk. Completely o-over the line. Uh, I just I hate pulp! Yknow? I mean, yknow how Monica feels about low fat mayonnaise?
Chandler: Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy (Joey laughs), uh but he doesnt want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assistas his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that cant have lumps in them.
Monica: Well, yknow its none of my business, but arent you married?
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
Carol: Yeah. Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so
Monica: But, I put some honey in it.
Chandler: (To Ross) But I think we should tell her.
Phoebe: I know! But if I didnt work there, what else would I do?
Joey: Pretty cool, huh? But if youre thinking you can put a fish in there and it wouldnt get sucked up into the mechanism, well youd be wrong.
Dr. Roger: Yknow, its funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases
Monica: Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if youre horrible, how would I know?
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Rachel: But I thought that ring stood for Caprices undying love for her brother.
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Joey: Huh. But still Ross, youre worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Yknow what I mean?
Joey: But you got to be with both of them, right?
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
Monica: Yknow, I dont have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. (He laughs halfheartedly) Are you sure youre okay?
Rachel: Me? Im great! Im fine! Im sooo good!! But, you know whos not great?! Men! Youre a man right Ross?!
Chandler: Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they dont just happen. Yknow? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning yknow I was just lying there and I couldnt wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always yknow with a friend.
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Ross: Well, we-we said wed just do it that one time but, but now I think she may wanna start things up again.
Mike: But, I mean, you have met... humans before, right? Look, why don't you go talk to my mom?
Ross: I mean look, that-that one night we had was fun and and certainly passionate, but dont you think its better if we just stayed friends?
Monica: Well Im not sure yet, but umm of the top of my head Im thinking double sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat.
Rachel: I know. I know, but yknow condoms only work like 97% of the time.
Ross: (tries to snatch it from the kid) GIVE ME MY PUCK!! (but it files out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist)
Ross: Yeah but uh Okay, okay look you guys know that Rachel and I slept together, but theres something else. (Pause) Rachels pregnant.
Ross: But hey, in my defense I-I just found out condoms are like only 97% effective.
Joey: Yeah and wed go check it out, but you took away our keys.
Rachel: Okay Ross thats fine, but can you please stand near my head?
Rachel: Yeah, maybe if youre in love. But Ross, we are not in love, are we?
Ross: No but but still you cant possibly do this alone.
Rachel: Oh no, I know I couldnt see it either at first, but its right umm (Starts to cry) Ross, I lost it again.
Monica: Oh, so much fun. But the best part is, we met this incredible couple on the way back.
Rachel: But you did! I mean, lets be honest.
Joey: No you wont. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, hes sorry. But, (to Chandler) youve got one more apology to make, all right, youve got to apologize to Mary-Angela.
Joey: Okay. Now youre gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story.
Joey: Yeah, theres this guy from Chicago whos supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guys right after him. (Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
Ross: Ah no. I dont, but it could not have been more than sixty.
Monica: Okay, maybe people give out fake numbers, but they dont give out fake names.
Rachel: Clearly you dont want people to see this tape. Now I dont want people to see this tape either, but you so badly dont people to see it makes me want to see it. You see?
Ross: But not the husband, because evidently she can do this alone.
Rachel: Oh yes, absolutely! Yknow, its weird uh, but I had a dream last night where I was stopped by a policeman. And then he uh well I probably shouldnt tell you the rest.
Phoebe: But why?!
Phoebe: But Monica, he loves his job so much! Can you just give him another chance? Please?
Monica: (thinks about it) All right, but if-if he lights someone else on fire he is out of there!
Phoebe: Okay. Okay, but you cant fire him today.
Phoebe: But
JOEY: You really think he'd take me? I mean, we had a pretty good talk last night but, when I moved out, I hurt him bad.
Monica: Hey. Okay, I gave him another chance, but Tim has got to go!
Phoebe: Okay. But the question is whos gonna go first. Cause whoever goes second is the bitch.
Phoebe: All right, that makes sense. (Starts towards the door.) Ugh. ButScrew you Im going first! (She grabs her purse and runs out.)
Joey: But sadly I could not be enticed.
Joey: No. No. But Ill go see a normal person movie with ya.
Cecilia: That was good, that was really good. But I-I think your hands maybe a little off, they should be maybe right like (She grabs the back of his neck and kisses him passionately causing them to fall onto the couch.)
Joey: All right, car magazines, cereal boxes, but its like enough!
Ross: No but ahh! How much easier would it be if it were?
Joey: I know, but I dont think thats what she wants.
Joey: Good call. Yeah. But, the face Ross, the face isnt Rachel.
Chandler: But youre not just a soap actor. You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet.
Joey: Well Im not proud of this, but (He turns around and starts to mess with his eyelids.)
Rachel: Well better than you, but yknow still not what you want.
Ross: Thanks. I know you guys like to give me a hard time and all, but it really means a lot to me that you like her. Just knowing that you guys are
Monica: I know its last minute, but we decided to have a Halloween party.
Joey: Look, Ill come to the party but Im not dressing up.
Phoebe: (looks down) No. But thanks. (Walks away.)
Rachel: Yeah I know, but one of them just said that she loved me so I just gave her everything.
Phoebe: Okay, I will. But right after you tell me who the hell you are.
Joey: But between you and Phoebe, Id have to give the edge to Phoebe.
Ursula: Yeah. It wasnt a town when I got there, but it was a town when I left. (To Eric) Shall we get me really drunk?
Eric: Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, and its not like me to do something so impulsive, but shes just so perfect, and we have so much in common.
Rachel: Oh yeah, we were but umm, now weve got candy.
Phoebe: But theyre not!
Joey: Well, I guess youre right. Maybe, maybe Ill take her down to the incinerator. Its gonna be so said, and kinda cool. (He goes to remove the back, but it doesnt come off. So he sits down in it, puts his feet up, stands up, and looks back at it.) Shes heeled!
Rachel: God! DontWe cant let her start getting ready! This is too awful! Oh God, but wait shell be in the gown and then he wont show up and then shes gonna have to take off the gown
Ross: Well I dont know, but how-how great would that be huh? You living in my building. I could help take care of the baby. I can come over whenever I want. (Rachel looks at him.) With your permission.
Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: It looked like we were gonna lose her this morning, but shes a tough old bird.
Man: Well I actually, I-I really, I haven't seen her for years. But umm, well I-I was pretty tight with-with her and her daughter.
Joey: (laughs) No. But I got Knicks tickets for you, me, and Chandler.
Joey: But Rachel has an apartment.
Ross: Yeah, but when the baby comes shes gonna want to move.
(Brenda bends down to use the dustpan and Monica leans over to look for the stain, but leans so far over she falls out of the chair.)
Rachel: Honey, its so sweet that you want me to stay, but I-I cant do that to you. I mean it would disrupt your entire life.
Rachel: Oh but Joey, I have to go. Theres no room for a baby here.
Monica: I would do it but she thinks Im attracted to her!
Chandler: All right. Yes. Okay. I get your point. But if its not your bra will you just let the woman clean the apartment?!
Brenda: Look, I know it must be hard that your wife is a lesbian, but its wrong. Youre married.
Joey: Yeah! All rightLook, I know sometimes itll be hard, okay? But, itll also be really really great. Please Rachel! I-I-I really want you to stay.
David: The good thing about the young kids though, theyre completely unpredictable. Which is a lot of fun as an actor to respond with. But there was one story
Chandler: Well, you have to honest with her! Otherwise you may think that youre going down the same path, but youre really going down different ones.
Ross: Well, I was gonna say sweet, but yeah-huh!
Chandler: All right fine! But Im only doing this for you!
Ross: Sure, one year is paper, but two months is lapdance! (Joey nods his agreement.)
Ross: (To Mona) But I didnt want to.
Ross: (to Mona) Oh but not that way. I mean I mean Im not in love with her. I love her like a, like a friend.
Hooker: Uh, no. But I could pretend to strip, but thats gonna cost extra. Okay, heres the extras, handcuffs, spanking (Chandler grunts for her not to continue and Joey pulls him back into the kitchen.)
Joey: Wait! Wait! Maybe shes a hooker and a stripper, but she got confused about what shes supposed to do.
Ross: I was going to tell you, but
Phoebe: Well you all know that I'm a pacifist so I'm not interested in war in any way. (Gets up) But y'know what? When the revolution comes, I will have to destroy you all. (Starts to leave.) (To Joey) Not you Joey.
Rachel: I know Mona, just hear me out. First of all, Im so sorry about my father yelling at you, but I heard you totally held your own. Youre gonna have to tell me how you did that.
Rachel: Okay. Um ButOkay, yes Ross and I used to date. And yes we are gonna have a baby. But we are definitely not getting back together.
Monica: Gotcha sailor. (Kicks one of her shoes off and it lands in the kitchen knocking something down, but she continues to strip.)
Joey: Yeah. But I thought that was because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table.
Monica: No! (Pause) But, theyre callin out to me! I mean this little guy (Holds up a small one) even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldnt mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is?
Rachel: Well, I havent discussed it with him yet, but I know hes gonna be relieved. Last week, he brought this girl over and I started talking to her about morning sickness and then I showed her pictures from my pregnancy book.
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome.
Chandler: Im watching the game, but Im not deaf!
Will: Yeah, its not. But Im rich and thin.
Rachel: Oh! I do not remember him! Wow! He's really got that sexy, smoldering thing going on. (We see Will angrily staring at Rachel.) Oh my God, hes Look at the way hes just staring at me. I think hes trying to mouth something to me, but I cant make it out. (Will mouths, "I hate you.")
Chandler: Yeah, oh, but I just keep picturing you rolling around with him with your cowboy boots in the air...
Monica: Oh Will. But you-youve worked so hard
Monica: Uh-huh, but I'm sure you can handle this. I mean, I have won awards for my organizational skills, but, uh, I'm sure you'll do fine.
Ross: Yeah, but still, cheap shot!
Chandler: I want to. I love her so much, but Im afr Its too huge.
Will: So you knocked her up but youre not gonna marry her. Dude! (Wants another high-five and Ross ignores him.) Anybody?
[Scene: Mike's parents house. Dining room again. Both Mike and Phoebe are not at the table, but the others still are.]
Rachel: Bye. (She gets up to leave but is stopped by Joey)
Ross: Yeah. It wouldve been good if we had gotten in, but still real fun.
Phoebe: Wait! But Ross if they dont get along then you should smooth things over. Make them be friends.