words in movies
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
(Carol and Susan arrive.)
Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been?
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]
Carol: Let it go, Ross.
Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus.
Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything?
Carol: Thanks.
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Ross and Susan are coaching Carol.]
Carol: You're gonna kill me!
Carol: Count faster.
Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie.
Carol: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp.
Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out.
Carol: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out of my body here, and you're not making it any easier.
Carol: Now go!
Ross: (to Carol) Yeah, listen...
Carol: Out!
Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Carol: Are they here yet?
Carol: Ok.
Carol: Ok.
Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear.
Carol: Where are they?
(Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt.)
Carol: But they're not here yet!
Carol: Oh, god.
Carol: (irked) Where have you been?
Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse me, could I have this?
Ross: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?
Carol: (straining) Not.... helping!
Carol: What does he look like?
Carol: Really?
[Scene: The Delivery Room, Carol is holding the infant.]
Carol: Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never mentioned Ben before?
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol are talking. Kristin is not there.]
Carol: (entering with Ben and Ross) Hey guys!
Carol: Y'know, I don't really know you well enough for you to do that.
Joey: I look more like him than you do! (He winks at Carol.)
Carol: Thanks. (Exits.)
Ross: If you have to call me name, I prefer "Ross the Divorcer". It's just cooler. Look, I know my marriage isn't exactly work out. But I love to be that committed to another person. And Carol had some good times before she became a lesbian... and once afterward. I'm sorry.
Carol: Guess what? Ben is going to be in a TV commercial!
Carol: Joey, Ross is gonna be here any second, would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room?
(Carol takes off her jacket, her pregnant belly is exposed.)
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Carol: What do you mean?
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
Rachel: Im just visiting my good friend Carol.
Ross: The first time! No seriously, imagine if Carol hadnt realized she was a lesbian.
Carol: Like what?
Carol: (quickly) I love that idea!
Ross: Yay! (To Carol) Seriously, our sex life I was thinking, maybe I dont know, we could try some-some new things. Yknow? For fun?
Rachel: Carol Lesbian?
Ross: Carol our sex life isits just not working
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross is trying to talk to Carol about what Phoebe told him.]
Ross: Well I dont know umm, (Pause) what if we were too tie each other up? (Carols shocked and obviously doesnt like that idea.) Umm, some people eat stuff off one another. (Carol doesnt like that idea either.) Nah! Umm, yknow we-we could try dirty talk? (Carol still says no.) Umm, we could, we could have a threesome.
Carol: Oh, me too.
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
Carol: Oh umm, yknow I think it would be better if we just save it.
Carol: Looks like it.
Carol: Thank you so much for coming.
Carol: (jumping up to get it) I got it!
CAROL: Uh, we're going down to Colonial Williamsburg.
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
Carol: Thank you so much.
Joey: Hey, imagine if I never got fired off Days Of Our Lives! (Closes his eyes to do so.) Oh-hey, theres Carol again!
Ross: Well with Carol, I promised never to love another woman until the day I die. She made no such promise.
CAROL: We've gotta go, we've got that cab waiting.
Ross: Not-not really. Th-th-there was just Carol.
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Ross: Yeah, well my-my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben and umm, uh, and just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms as Im sure you are with your wife! (Realizes) Oh, Im sorry! (To Elizabeth) Its unbelievable!
CAROL: And then Susan and I got in this big fight because I said maybe we should call off the wedding, and she said we weren't doing it for them, we were doing it for us, and if I couldn't see that, then maybe we should call off the wedding. I don't know what to do.
Carol and Susan: Hey! (This wakes Chandler and Ross up)
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross and Carol are waiting anxiously for their new partner to arrive.]
Carol: Yeah! And maybe someday we could get a place with two bathrooms.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben.]
Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder)
Carol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-
Carol: Is it a good sign that they asked us to hang around after the audition?
Carol: Ooh, actually Ive been making a list of all the women I know who might be into doing this!
Carol: Can I ask whatCome on in.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Carol: What a nice surprise! What are you doing here?
Carol: (from the kitchen) Rach, do you want some sugar in your coffee?
Carol: Umm uh, Ill make some coffee and we can uh, chat.
(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)
Carol: Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.)
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
Rachel: Well yknow I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "Whats up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?"
The Teacher: Ive only met your partner Carol.
Ross: Carol was wearing boots just like those the night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we- (off Chandler's look) Sorry. Sorry.
Chandler: I didnt know you and Carol were getting divorced, Im sorry.
Monica: All right fine. Fine, Ill do it. Ive just got to get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him pull my finger.
Rachel: When Carol was pregnant with Ben
Chandler: Carol? I was just wondering if Joey could ask you a question about breast-feeding?
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Carol is working on something at the table and Ross is reading a newspaper on the couch.]
Chandler: No no no! Look, Carol, can I call you Carol? (Pause) Wh-why would I when your name is Elaine? Oh what a great picture of your son, strapping! (She glares at him.) Thats a picture of your daughter, isnt it, well shes lovely. I like a girl with a strong jaw. Ill call you from Tulsa. (Exits.)
Ross: Yeah, I know, so what? I mean, whos-whos to say? Does that me we-we cant do it? Look, huh, I was with Carol for four years before we got married and I wound up divorced from a pregnant lesbian. I mean, this, this makes sense for us. Come on! I mean, on our first date we ended up spending the whole weekend in Vermont! I mean, last night I got my ear pierced! Me! This feels right. Doesnt it?
Phoebe: All right, all right, so up until 92-93 he was very trusting, then 94 hit, Carol left him and bamn! Paranoid city!
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
[Scene: Ben's audition, Carol, Ross, and Ben along with about 10 more families are in a waiting room as Joey enters happily.]
Ross: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..
Rachel: Yes oh(To Ben)Do I want sugar in my coffee? (Ben nods no.) No, just some milk would be good Carol. Thanks. (To Ben) Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is there. Ross enters.]
Carol: Yeah. Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Umm, could-could I get a copy of that? Cause Carol threw it out, she lost ours. Shes such a scatterbrain, but man what a hot piece of ass.
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Phoebe: Still going through that dry spell with Carol?
Rachel: Id love that. I would loooove (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...
Ross: Look Carol umm, I was, I was thinking maybe uh, maybe we can spice things up a little.
CAROL: Anyway, we'd like you to come, but we totally understand if you don't want to.
Carol: Listen, we both know youre gonna do it cause youre not a jerk. Okay? So you can either sulk here for a half hour and then go pick them up, or save us both time and sulk in the car.
Carol: Look, I-I-I am sorry that Rachel dumped you cause she fell in love with that Mark guy, and you are the innocent victim in all of this, but dont punish your friends for what Rachel did to you.
Carol: Give me a 'for instance'.
Ross: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin...(struggling)...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major!
Carol: It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine.
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Ross: I dropped him off at Carols. (To Phoebe) Anyway, it turns out that Im not going to be able to get those tickets though.
Carol: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.
Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Ross: Oh mom! Okay, umm, her name is Carol. And she's really pretty. And smart. And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams!
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Carol has come to pick up Ben.]
Rachel: I don't know! I mean, we still care about each other. There's a history there. 'S'like you and Carol.
CAROL: I mean, I knew they were having trouble with this whole thing, but they're my parents. They're supposed to give me away and everything.
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
Carol: (running over and grabbing the phone away from Ross) (on phone) Phoebe, hang on a second. (Hands Ross her keys) Here, take my car, go pick up your friends.
Ross: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, it means she's having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it.