words in movies
Ross: Okay, I've got to go pick up Ben but I-I will figure something out. (He opens the door and stops.) Hey, didn't he used to have a cat?
Joey: Yeah, poor cat, never saw that big butt coming.
Phoebe: (the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a very bad man!
Mr. Heckles: Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat.
Ross: What? (the cat jumps on his shoulders) Ow!
Rachel: Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo's cat!
[Cut to inside. Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
Rachel: Oh. (they knock at the next door, Mr. Heckles answers) Hi. We just found this cat and we're looking for the owner.
Rachel: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat!
Ross: Cat!
Ross: (goes over to Julio) Come here, here, come here, come here, (pause) Mrs. Buffay. Sorry, about what I said, umm, it was, it was insensitive of me to say that you were just a cat. When clearly you are also the reincarnated spirit, of my friends mother.
JOEY: [to Ross] You're getting a cat?
PHOEBE: No. This whole like playing-for-money thing is so not good for me. You know, I don't know, when I sang "Su-Su-Suicide", I got a dollar seventy-five. But then, "Smelly Cat", I got 25 cents and a condom. So you know, now I just feel really bad for Smelly Cat.
Rachel: Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat.
RACH: [obviously drunk] I mean, it's a cat, y'know, it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, y'know, one of those fruitflies, those things that live for like a day or something? [belligerently] What're they called, what're they called, what're they called?
RACHEL: Well, people missed you in there. And in fact, there was actually a request for "Smelly Cat".
PHOEBE: No, no, no. I'm sorry. It's "smelly cat, smel-ly cat".
STEPHANIE: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
TOGETHER: Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it's not your fault.
[Scene: Recording studio. Phoebe is getting ready to record Smelly Cat.]
ROSS: Well, OK, I uh, I have to. I can't deal with this right now. I mean, I've uh, y'know, I've got a cab, I've got a girlfriend, I'm... I'm gonna go get a cat.
RACH: Oh, no, Michael, it's not you. I'm sorry, it's just, it's this thing. It's probably not as bad as it sounds but this friend of mine is, is getting a cat with his girlfriend.
RACHEL: Well, you know, honey, I don't think everybody gets Smelly Cat. You know, I mean, if all you've ever actually had are healthy pets, then, whoosh!
MNCA: Cat hair.
ROSS: Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow morning and pick up Fluffy's old cat toy, OK?
ROSS: Cat. [leaves]
ROSS: I didn't get a cat.
RACH: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I gotta date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a, uh, have a, uh, really good cat. [she leaves carrying her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.
ROSS: Uh, actually, we're getting a cat.
PHOEBE: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let's go.
Phoebe: (trying to hold back the struggling cat) He seems to hate you. Are you sure?
PHOEBE: Oh, check it out, oh check it out. It's Smelly Cat the video.
ALL: Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, it's not your fault.
Joey: So, between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isnt going to happen. It would be like you falling in love with a cat.
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
Mr. Heckles: (as Phoebe and Rachel leave) You owe me a cat.
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is teaching Leslie how to sing Smelly Cat.]
Phoebe: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, its not your fault.
Phoebe: I just, I just have this really strong feeling that this cat is my Mother.
Leslie: I played Smelly Cat for the people at my old ad agency, they went nuts.
STEPHANIE: Smelly cat, smel-ly cat...
Woman No. 2: I thought you wanted to adopt your cat.
Rachel: You mean the mom you met in Montauk. She was a cat?!
Phoebe: ...and then it goes back to the chorus... Smelly cat, Sme-lly ca-t / I-t's not your fau-lt. And that's the end of the song... I realise that you didn't ask to hear it, but uhm... no-one had spoken in seventeen minutes.
Ross: Yeah, either that, or he has a really big cat.
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
Rachel: You guys, theres a little girl in Soho looking for this cat. I mean, you know what that means?!
Ross: Come on, you-you cant tell me you actually believe that-that theres a woman inside that cat!
Phoebe: (she turns around and puts the cat on the entertainment center) Ross, how many parents have you lost?
Phoebe: Well, Im not sure. I mean, I guess until she y'know, gets used to the fact that theres y'know, a new mom. Y'know, I think shes worried that y'know, shes gonna, shes gonna be replaced. (to the cat, in a funny voice) Well, thats not gonna happen is it? Noo. (gets up) Okay, I have to return a call in the other room.
(They both continue on and Ross meows like a cat.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! No! Shoo! Kitty! No! No-no-no! Shoo! Come on, you! (goes over and picks up the cat) Come on. Crazy. (looks into the cats eyes) Oh my God.
[Cut to someone entering Central Perk which lets a cat in. The cat then runs over to Phoebes guitar case and starts sniffing around.]
Ross: Are you sure shes in the cat, or have you been taking your grandmas glycoma medicine again?
Rachel: Excuse me! But this is a purebred, show-quality Sphinx cat!
Monica: Still, I was quick as a cat.
Ross: So, guys, am I crazy, or does Phoebes mom remind anyone of a cat?
Ross: The one with the cat. I gotta go, Ive got another date.
Ross: What? [the cat jumps on his shoulders] Ow!
[Cut to inside, Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
Phoebe: Listen. Listen. (She starts to play and sing.) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
Ross: (seeing Phoebe still with cat) You didnt tell her?! (They all kinda shy away.) Okay, fine! Pheebs?
Rachel: What are you talking about? I love them! (Looks into the cage) Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it-it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't this cool?
Ross: ON A CAT??!!!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's balcony, Ross is about to be attacked by Paulo's cat.]
Dream Joey: Cat.
(Rachel enters with the cat, wearing the oven mitt, and startles Phoebe.)
Rachel: It's a, it's a cat!
Joey: It's not a cat!
Woman No. 2: Okay, yeah, I just wanted a cat. (Starts to leave.)
Joey: Oh, don't worry, it's not a cat.
Monica: I don't want a cat!
Monica: (To Rachel) What?! You paid a thousand dollars for a cat when you owe me 300!!
Ross: Doesn't sound as crazy as paying a thousand dollars for a cat.
Joey: Whoa-whoa you guys, it's not a cat!
(Rachel enters with the "cat" and the chick and the duck start to get riled up.)
Joey: It's not a cat!
Rachel: Well, it's my cat.
Rachel: Oh yeah, I got a cat.
[Scene: The street outside Central Perk, Rachel is trying to sell the cat.]
Rachel: Show cat! Quality show cat! Show cat! (A woman approaches.)
Woman No. 2: Wow! What an unusual cat!
Rachel: It's not a baby! It's a cat!
Woman No. 2: Maybe. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was just going to go to the shelter (Good for her) but Okay, why not?
Rachel: You guys this cat is nothing like my grandmother's cat. I mean, it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, "Rachel!"
Monica: Rachel! What is your cat doing in one of my bowls!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is performing Smelly Cat.]
PHOEBE: Ok, there is no top. That's the beauty of Smelly Cat. Um, why don't you just follow me?
Joey: That, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.}
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is holding the cat, Monica is treating the scratches on Ross' back. Joey is holding the menorah over the wound.]
Commercial: (in the background their singing Smelly Cat) Problem odour in the litter box? Dont change your kitty, change your kitty litter.
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)
Phoebe: Okay y'know what you have to choose. All right, if-if the most important thing on the planet to you is this cat poopy thing then, okay you can have Smelly Cat, but we wont be partners. So whats it gonna be?
Chandler: I think its the dying cat parade.
Chandler: Yeah, but Sebastian? What is that? A cats name?
Monica: I love you. (They kiss.) Hey listen umm, when, when you were talkin about our future you said cat, but you meant dog right.
Janice: Okay, Im going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. (Makes some weird sound) Do you have a cat? Cause its already happening. (Makes a nasal sound) Do you hear that? (She keeps making the nasal sound.)
(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)
ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that? RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember. ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy] RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me? ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. RACH: Huh. ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages? RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.] ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael? [Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]